Chapter XXIV

"There is always danger for those who are afraid." ~ George Bernard Shaw

When Emily stepped into that restaurant, she was ready for everything. She had the OK from the others to play along with everything. The FBI was willing to help terrorists to bring dreadful guns to the country. Emily was already aware of the consequences of any mistake. But, of course, she wasn't prepared for what he saw in front of her. The woman on the floor was no other than Gloria. What the hell had she done?

Emily took a discrete breath. She had to think quickly and most of all she had to act like Lauren and not like someone scared of what Brooder was able and wanted to do to her colleague. The truth was that Sam Brooder wanted to do the worst.

Another man rushed in the main area and Brooder motioned to the one already standing, who dragged Gloria violently by her hand out of the piece of pipe she had fallen with, making her stand up, while the second one grabbed her other arm.

Gloria resisted but only a bit. There was no point. She couldn't beat three people and three guns in an open space and she would have made Emily's position even more difficult. Damn pipe! She shouldn't have been caught so stupidly. She had to negotiate her way out, if she was given the time in the first place.

Brooder came close to her and without any other word, her knee collided with Gloria's stomach. She bent instinctively as far as the men's hold could allow her and as her head was brought forward, the back of Brooder's gun landed on her right cheek, causing her ear to ring and she wasn't able to hold back the gasp of pain. At least, Brooder had started with hitting her which, as ironic as it sounded, it was a positive thing.

"Nice to see, too, Sam", she spat.

"Oh, it was a pleasure, Maria. I wanted to do that for so long. Tell me, Lauren that you didn't want to do the same thing.", Brooder spoke, "And me, I want to do so much more."

Emily, after the initial shock, was relieved. Brooder still thought that the woman in front of her was Maria Lloyd. That was another good thing, even if it didn't remove the danger.

Brooder put the barrel under Gloria's chin forcing her face straight and up. Her free hand scanned her body for the gun more slowly, with more grip than needed. The captive woman didn't react. Sam was doing it to humiliate her and Gloria had always followed the same rule as Hathaway: 'Never show them fear'.

"Of course, Sam. It's not like she was so nice to us before.", Emily spoke trying to ignore the sight in front of her.

"Don't you wanna take a turn? The rest of her face is still untouched.", Brooder proposed.

Gloria threw the first ever look at Emily, encouraging her to do her whatever she had to do.

"I'm not so much into violence, Sam.", Emily replied instead.

"That's a joke. But I forgot your French manners: leave someone else to do the dirty job.", Brooder finally shoved her fingers into the pocket of the other woman's trousers, took out the gun and put it in hers, "And you brought something.", she commented.

"Who comes to you empty-handed?", Gloria raised an eyebrow.

"I can so easily blow that clever tongue of yours along with your brains."

"Don't you think that she should explain to us why she ended up here? I'm curious to know why she took up the courage to appear in front of us.", Emily tried to buy some time, folding her hands and finally approaching Brooder.

Gloria knew there was no proper answer to that. Brooder had caught her spying on her and of course she shouldn't involve Hathaway's name. In any way, she didn't have the chance to speak.

"I know why she came. If I didn't know you better, Maria, I would have said that you started working for your formal side. But, if that was true this place would have been flooded with cops by now.", Brooder said in a dangerous, low tone and started dragging the barrel up down Gloria's neck, "But no, your greediness brought you to our door. You wanted to get into our business and screw us over, again. She deserves what's coming to her, doesn't she, Lauren?"

Gloria was aware that nothing look helpful. She had to bargain and that was the only card left, otherwise she was lost. She was the one that spoke first. She knew Emily, as much as she was in her role, she couldn't bring herself to agree.

"I could have done it, screwed you. Don't you think? I did it once before to both of you. But I can work for you. Instead of eliminating an enemy, take me in your side."

"Do you think you are in position to make deals?", Brooder raised her tone.

"I have a gun to my head and that's the only thing I can offer.", Gloria replied steadily.

"She is right, Sam.", Emily grabbed the chance.

Gloria got scared. No, she shouldn't have taken her side. It could look suspicious.

"Think of that. It's practical. We are here, she is here again. There is no escape, if she makes the slightest, suspicious move.", Emily carried on casually, desperately praying that Brooder would listen, "Believe me, we need one person and we don't even need to buy her, she is already in our pocket. We'll keep her on a leash."

"You think?", Brooder pretended to think about it but she pressed the gun more on Gloria's skin, "Guess what? I'm not trusting people that disappear so easily. Let's say I prefer less diplomatic things: like killing off my enemies."

Gloria knew what was coming and took her eyes away from Emily's and closed them. It shouldn't be like this… It shouldn't be in front of Emily… That was it and even if she was familiar with such a realisation, unexpectingly one person's thought rushed instinctively through her mind: David.

Emily tried to keep a neutral face but she saw Brooder's fingers squeezing the trigger and she felt her chest tightening to the point she couldn't breathe. Every training in the world, every skill of compartmentalization can't help witnessing your friend being executed right in front of you.

"Is Paterson gonna start dropping bodies now?", Morgan said while driving with Rossi to the hospital where Gloria dropped Hathaway.

Morgan was actually thinking out loud and he regretted his words the moment they left his mouth.

"Hathaway is not dead. He is just getting some rest.", Dave replied quietly without sounding annoyed.

"Rossi, she is lucky. He could have any type of reaction to the drug."

"He was in a hospital in minutes. With the job that he does, I don't think he is allergic to simple things.", Rossi spoke again.

He wasn't really bothered about Morgan's comments. The guy had said similar stuff when they had dealt with Emily's case. Someone could tell that he had some issue with women working undercover. But it wasn't because he thought of them low or anything. He was just getting insecure when he discovered sides in women that he didn't know. Most of all, Derek Morgan was a traditional guy, deep down. He was the big brother of two sisters. He thought that women should be somehow protected and don't run after danger. Was Rossi really profiling his younger teammate? He was distracting himself. That's what he was doing. Gloria's car hadn't moved. She hadn't made any effort to contact them and he had real bad feeling on top of all.

They finally reached the hospital. Hathaway was just waking up. So much for any worries about the drug the spy had used.

When Hathaway opened his eyes he felt the handcuff around his wrist attached to the bed and then saw the two agents. As unnaturally as it was, Hathaway laughed.

"Damn woman…", he said between the laugh and then he calmed down, "And I had believed her. She fooled me, she is certainly good. For 'really' working for you, that woman puts up quite the show. If she worked privately, she would have been set for life, financially speaking. Too bad that all that skill can be already lost. But gentlemen, I don't think I'm arrested for anything. I changed my mind. I have nothing to tell you and you have nothing on me."

David's fist clenched by his side. Hathaway couldn't meant that thing about 'lost', could he? And they couldn't be hitting another dead end all over again. He was always patient with investigations. But he started losing it with that one. There was no way to get the truth out of this man. Maybe they could figure something out from his lies. He approached him and Morgan got alerted.

"Look. Let's cut the crap and your 'nice', professional ways. Your identity as Peter Rogers is wanted for information on the old case of Paradise. You are not going anywhere. You first appeared here to say a bunch of lies, as we both know you do very well. You are just a pawn to do stuff and nothing more. You know something? Just play your part.", he said firmly.

"Interesting thing you last said. Remember it. Your agent is the same as me. And pawns stay on the game only when they are needed."

The trigger clicked but no bullet came out. Emily released the breath that she was holding and Gloria opened her eyes. Brooder wasn't holding a revolver. She wasn't playing Russian roulette with her. Before realising the woman's sadistic game, the gun was gone from Gloria's face and landed again on the same cheek, this time with more force than before. The men holding her let her go and she fell straight at the floor. Gloria's face was hidden behind her hair and she took a moment to gather herself. As much thankful she was that she could think of that, it was still a question: Why was she alive? She was right from the start. For some reson they needed her.

"This was to pass my point across. The next time, I will have the safety of my gun released.", Brooder spoke, she just wanted to scare her to death, literally, and Gloria nodded, "Make sure she gets the memo.", she said to the men and one of them kicked the fallen woman right on the gut.

"After my entertainment, let's grab a sit.", she turned to Emily.

"Give her one for me, s'il vous plait (please). But make sure she is able to walk and not on her face. She has a job to go.", Emily added to the men.

"Finally. That's the Lauren I knew.", Brooder smiled in her unsettling way, "And for a moment I thought you felt sorry for the bitch."

That was why Emily had said it in the first place. The sound of a couple of kicks and Gloria's gasps were something that she never wanted to hear, even in her worst nightmares. But at least she was alive. Damn it, Ria. That was close, too close.

"One package is ready. I hope you can do it quickly.", Brooder got into business.

"Now my speed is double.", Emily replied throwing a look at the woman curled on the floor.

She could say she was more OK than she pretended to be, but she was playing it so the men stopped beating her.

"We'll give the OK after midnight.", Brooder carried on.

"It's fine.", Emily replied, "One container at the port, right?"

"The specific details are gonna be given at the very last moment. We are set.", she stood up.

"You brought me all the way up here for just that?", Emily protested.

"Let's say I was checking your work ethics. Problem with that?, she stood up.

"No. I just thought you would trust me more."

Emily, of course expected that it would have been a simple meeting. But she had to pretend like someone that was losing her time.

"I don't even trust my ass, Lauren. Take her.", she turned to Gloria, "I'm pressed and in a rush and it was her lucky day.", Sam added, "But she is your responsibility."

"No problem with that.", Emily answered, standing up and jerked Gloria to her feet a bit abruptly, but by paying attention to do it from her left side so as not to hurt her more.

"You are going to be a good girl now.", Brooder grabbed the redhead's face.

"OK.", Gloria muttered back.

"See? All you needed was a bit of shitting fear to start behaving properly."

"Let's go.", Emily said, pulling her colleague out of the restaurant and into the car.

"If you think that everthing I say are lies, then at least let me say what I have to say and finish off my job.", Hathaway carried on.

"Finish off?", Dave asked.

"Maria Lloyd was wanted and maybe the people that want her have her by now. Or she may have already befriended them, too. I can tell she is very good at that. So this part was done."

Dave shook his head. He knew it. Hathaway to lure Lloyd out somehow and Gloria had followed it, already suspecting it. But still they had told Hathaway to say stuff that didn't look like any bait for a low-level dirty FBI agent. The stuff looked more like a bait to Gloria herself.

"And my job also says to inform you that there is a cargo to pass tomorrow morning. I can give you details. Do you want them?"

"Yes.", Morgan replied.

After fifteen minutes of driving, Emily threw a look to the woman sitting on the seat beside her. She was angry with her. What kind of idea was for her to go under like that, and finally bring herself right in front of the very woman that wanted her dead? But Gloria seemed in pain, her cheek was getting swollen and her mouth was still bleeding. Emily stopped the car in front of a small convenient store. She jumped out without saying a word. She bought two ice packs and two cold lemonades, she opened the boot of the car, she grabbed the first aid kit and two spare towels and she got in the vehicle again.

"Here. Take these.", she gave her the ice pack after wrapping them in the towels.

"Thanks.", Gloria murmured, wincing the moment the frozen cubes touched the tender skin of her cheek and tummy.

Emily took out a tissue from the kit and reached for her colleague's face.

"Leave it to me. I can see better.", Emily said, as Gloria was about to lift her hand, and cleaned the blood, "Is your stomach OK?"

"Yeah, yeah. They didn't hit me that hard."

"Are you sure you haven't broken anything?"

She offered her a painkiller with the lemonade. She knew that Ria avoided any medicines but given the circumstances, she had no other option.

"I'm fine. I'm fine.", Gloria replied, swallowing the pill with a huge gulp, sitting back on the seat trying to relax her back, "Finally we meet again."

Emily didn't know if she gave that answer on purpose. Judging from the headache she apparently had, she didn't. But she had said the same words after another huge bump on their friendship that had lasted eight years.

Emily had gotten the position in Interpol London Office just ten days ago. There was already an open case about a guy with terrorist links, wanted by Interpol. Finally he London Police had spotted him in a suburb and even if the participation of Interpol agents was never obligatory, Emily had decided to get involved. She was already missing the action she had at the BAU.

However, the guy got a smell of them and he tried to escape. Emily had managed to chase him up on an alley, when he hid somewhere. She was scanning the area, but the man sneaked behind her, throwing her on the floor and knocking the gun out of her hand. She tried to defend herself, knowing that he had a knife. Then suddenly someone got on top him, pulling him at the side and freeing her. Her first instinct was to reach for her gun and turned to the two people already fighting and rolling around. Their rolling came to a stop, while the agent was trying with every strength she had to keep his knife away from her body but the man was stronger. Ultimately, Emily had a clear shot and she took it, injuring him. Emily ran to him kicking the knife away, she cuffed him, as policemen came. She approached the other woman that was standing up, holding her right side. The woman that had just saved Emily's life was no other than that old friend that had kept avoiding her for the last ten days, Gloria Paterson.

"Are you OK, Ria?"

Gloria looked at her and smiled to the side.

"I'm fine. Finally we meet again."

Emily softened. Back then, Gloria was just assigned to keep an eye on the area. She wasn't even cleared for a gun yet and she wasn't good in close fight anymore, but she had jumped into the situation to save her.

"Do you want some food? Have you eaten anything?"

"I'm OK. Have you?"

"I've eaten something light in the morning. My stomach has its quirks these days.", Emily admitted opening her own lemonade and missing the quick worried look from the other woman, "I don't even want to go to how you are here.", she started.

"After the nursing, here comes the lecture, I guess.", Gloria spoke in low voice.

"With you, Ria, if I talk or not, it doesn't make much of a difference, does it?"

Emily didn't say it with any aggressiveness, just in a tone of someone making a conclusion. She knew Gloria was stubborn. Was she expecting her to change? No. Of course not.

"I almost screwed up.", Gloria admitted, shaking her head, angry with herself.

"It wasn't a mistake. It was an accident. The problem is completely different."

"Emily, the team wanted to contact me, apparently to warn me that you have approached Brooder, but I decided to climb and eardrop first. And now two agents are around the same person. You know that this is neither effective, nor safe! The only thing that makes it a bit safe is that according to your story I'm enemy to you, too."

"The problem is not that, Ria!", Emily got angry, all the tension from the previous encounter finally getting expressed, "The problem is that you almost got yourself killed! You knew that this woman has a grunge against you, you knew she was in there and you stepped into that place. Whether I was there or not, she could have killed you right on the spot. What the hell were you thinking?"

The redhead hanged her head. She never wanted to upset Emily that much, mainly not now.

"When Hathaway phoned, he first spoke with a man that he called boss. Brooder was with him.", she explained.

"And you thought that the man was Blackmore."

Emily looked at her concerned. The British woman wasn't planning on anything stupid, was she?

Gloria couldn't know who that man was. But yeah, she had felt like it was Charles Blackmore. It was pure instinct, nothing more. But she would be able to tell the voice of the man that torn her life apart, wouldn't she?

"Why are you here?", Emily asked a bit more firmly.

Gloria looked back at her. She knew that Emily could misinterpret things. At the same time, though, Gloria didn't want to share her real reasons. Gloria was neither into the drama, nor a fan of sounding heroic. At the end, she was never the hero, just the complete opposite.

"I just thought we could work it from a different angle. That's all."

"Are you sure?"

"Emily, the machine is already in motion, with the head or not, bad things can happen. And… Any revenge, whatever Blackmore pays at the end is not going to change anything that has already happened…"

Emily could hear the sincerity in her friend's voice. There was no hate, no anger. No, she wasn't there for any vendetta.

"I stay in a motel at the other side of the town. We'll sit down and sort everything out. But you won't endanger yourself like that again.", she said softly and Gloria nodded.

"Why would the leader want to sabotage himself? Hathaway is clearly talking about the package Emily is going to facilitate. Is the guy snitching his own people?", Morgan asked when they were finally back in Quantico.

"That transport is on Brooder. Whoever is with her wants to eliminate her. She doesn't look very trustworthy anyway. And it's not so much of a sabotage. Brooder's first cargo is just a test as usual. They weren't going to lose guns anyway.", Blake commented.

"And Brooder is onto this and that's why she was so keen to work with Emily. So she can blame the fiasco on her.", Morgan said back.

"Now that nothing is going to happen to that cargo, the waters are going to be stirred.", Hotch concluded, "Emily needs to be prepared."

"Are you going to tell her about Gloria?", Rossi asked quietly.

"I have to.", Hotch said.

"Hotch, I have to talk to you.", Rossi said having finally decided to share his worrying theories.

"Let me phone JJ first."

At the motel Gloria had explained to Emily how she had ended up in that restaurant pipe and Emily filled her in about everything else. How she had met Brooder, what they were planning to do, how Brooder was mentioned in Richard's notes about Blackmore.

"There is a chance it was actually him with her on that phone call.", Emily admitted, "Do you remember back then when you met Brooder the first time, if Richard said anything? If he tried to find something?"

"No. At least I don't know. Back then we weren't even together. But even after, he wasn't talking about most of the stuff about Blackmore, even to me. I had thought… OK he wasn't the easiest man of all. But finally he did it to keep me out of the danger. And now he is gone and we're left with enigmas…", Gloria let a breath.

"I'm sorry, Ria.", Emily murmured.

Gloria looked up at her wandering what she was talking about. Then she saw the guilt written all over her face. Still she hadn't gotten over what Gloria told the other day.

"You have nothing to be sorry about. Let's not get into this again."

"No, Ria. We have to talk. We reached a mess because we didn't talk, you don't talk. Do it, finally.", Emily pressed.

This matter was also something they had to sort out. Emily couldn't carry on like this, without knowing what was going on in her friend's mind. It wasn't only about her personal regrets. It was about Ria, also. She had already done something she shouldn't. She had already endangered herself mindlessly. Both of their lives depended on each other now.

"What do you want me to tell you?", Gloria answered, hanging her head, "My head was spinning with images I try to forget. I was stressed with everything and your decision came on top. I got aggressive and I just said whatever came to my mouth. And these are not excuses. There is no excuse for blaming you of something so terrible so unfairly."

"But then you have thought of this before."

"When I said what I said, the first time, I had lost everything.", Gloria turned finally up with a crystal clear plea in her eyes for Emily to finally get it and stop torturing herself because of her mindless action, "I was devastated and angry at the universe at the same time. I said a lot of things, which I didn't mean. Emily, even if I had been beside Richard that day, I wouldn't have been able do anything. Clyde couldn't. The only way he would have stayed alive, if I had gone in instead of him. And this has nothing to do with you. I'm sorry, Emily, for throwing that at you yesterday. Please, just tell me that you understand that there's nothing on you."

Emily scanned her, wanting nothing more than to believe her. She remembered what Clyde had told her. The truth was that that death was nobody's fault but a murderer and fate's. Then she nodded.

"Then don't blame yourself, either, Ria. He loved you. He wanted to keep you safe."

"While I…", Gloria started.

But a knot reached her throat. No she wouldn't get into that, too.

"However, whatever happened doesn't change the fact that I betrayed you. I never meant to do what I did.", Emily admitted softly.

Gloria shook her head negatively.

"I know they forced you. I know they asked for a favour back. I know why.", she spoke.

Emily was taken aback. She had suspected it after their last conversation before she left Quantico but the British woman saying it clearly was still a surprise.

"You do?"

"I know about Declan. I knew for a long time. I've met far too many shady people working around the agency, I've learnt a lot of stuff. You couldn't do anything else, Em. And I was… I was glad that one child managed to get saved from that mess…"

Emily frowned at the choice of words. But that was the reason, Emily had taken part in that political game. She would have never betrayed a friend, if it was just her career depended on it. It was that one person that had given the approval for Declan and his nanny to get viable American identities. That person was the one that after she asked, he came back pressing her to get dirty on Whelan and Paterson, that forced her to rat the affair using her career as a leverage, but threatening Declan's safety, as well. And that person was…

Emily felt the walls of the room start turning. Damn it. Not again…

Gloria looked up to her, saw the paleness on Emily's face and the colour drained from hers. She was by her side in a moment helping her sit down.

"Emily! Emily, are you OK?", Gloria kneeled beside her quickly.

"It's probably from the stomach flu.", Emily replied casually, as the world stopped spinning.

"How do you feel?"

"I'm fine.", she said ready to stand up again.

"Stay put for a bit. Let it pass completely.", she held her hand down.

"Ria, it's nothing.", Emily turned with question to her colleague.

The redhead looked far too panicked and that was too unusual for her. It was an overreaction to something so simple, wasn't it? Why?

Gloria knew that her behaviour was raising questions in Emily's head. But she couldn't control it.

"Your stomach is bugging you, you get dizzy, you look a bit swollen, you behave strangely these days. When was the last time you had your period?", she had to ask finally, at the very end, the sooner they knew, the better.

"Last month, middle of it.", Emily replied knowing where this was going, "There is no chance."

"There's always a chance. You have all the symptoms. May is almost finishing. You are at least a couple of weeks late.", Gloria insisted.

"With the stress I had these days, it's normal. I'm not pregnant."

"Emily, don't avoid the possibility."

"Are we having this whole conversation over one dizziness?", Emily lied trying to dismiss it.

"It's not one. It's the second time in two days.", she argued a bit more intensely than she planned.

"Second time? Is this why you are here?", Emily frowned again, "Garcia told you I got woozy once and you jumped to conclusions?"

Gloria looked at the floor. It sounded crazy the way Emily put it but that was exactly what had happened.

Emily got more and more confused, realising that she was right. She tried to make sense out of the woman's previous words and her unnatural for her acting now: 'at least 'one' child managed to get saved'. Then eyes rounded. Oh no… Her friend hadn't gone through 'that' as well, had she?

"Ria? What else has happened to you?"

Gloria stood up. No, she didn't want to talk about it. It hurt. It hurt too much. But Emily caught her wrist, pulling her genty to sit beside her and Gloria complied.

"Don't build this grief up. You are going to lose your mind. Believe me. I know. Talk about it, Ria.", she instructed softly.

Emily was familiar with that type of pain. Her own experience, though, was her own choice and she had some pretty strong explanations for it. But still it didn't change the fact that willingly or not a woman loses a child and most of the times she feels like she doesn't even have the right to grief. Emily started acting out after what she did at sixteen. Garcia used to joke with her gothic outfits and stuff, but the truth was that that was Emily's way of expressing what she was feeling that time. John had helped her back then. The psychologist that the Ambassador had taken her, when she was fed up with her behaviour, had helped more. Emily had tried to delete that part of her life. They say it is compartmentalization. The truth is when you put your life into boxes, it is because you have things in these boxes that hurt, make you feel guilty or ashamed. You can't erase them. You pretend that you forget them, wishing that some time you will really forget them. Probably that's why she kept denying the chance of her being pregnant now, because it could open two boxes, that one and one more…

"Say it. Take it out of your chest.", she repeated.

Gloria looked at her realising that there was no way to avoid it. At least it was Emily, a woman, a friend. She had to force herself to talk but at the same time she found herself longing to do it. She turned her eyes quickly away focusing on some imperfection of the paint low on the wall.

"Those last days Richie and me… I…", she tried to find the most neutral way of saying it, "There was a possibility I was pregnant. Me pregnant? It was far more unlikely than it sounds."

"Ria…?"

"I can't have kids, Em. According to every doctor that has ever seen me I can't. I don't know how much it affected my choices, but I was always pretty OK with that. I guess when you learn something like that from young age you just get along with it. Till the day you know…"

"You managed to get…"

"Those days I was getting too tired too fast, my stomach was always turning. Then I was late, but that wasn't really news. I'm always late, very late. Some months I'm not getting it at all. It's part of the problem. Richie had it for sure. He didn't care that we were in the middle of a mess, that his position was already in danger, his reputation shaken, that a pregnancy of mine could have added more problems. He wanted it. He was happy.", her voice was monotone but closed her eyes momentarily, Emily could tell that she was holding back tears and her hand went to her shoulder.

"And you?", Emily helped her carry on.

"Me, I didn't want us to get our hopes up. 'Hopes'… I… I wanted it, too. I hoped.", her voice broke a bit, "But I was scared… I was scared that, even if a miracle had happened, I was unable to pull it through. We agreed to go to a doctor, nine years ago pregnancy tests weren't as sensitive as now, anyway."

"Did you go?", she touched her hand.

"It was Monday when we agreed on that. On Tuesday morning I almost fainted. I booked the appointment for the next day. That afternoon I started bleeding, a lot, there was no point to try anything medical. I told him that I wasn't finally pregnant, that I got my period, even if I knew that the bleeding wasn't normal. He suspected that I wasn't telling the full truth. He just told me that he wanted me to be OK, that it didn't matter, that he loved me.", and that time one tear skipped her eyelashes and Emily squeezed her fingers, "That same evening we flew to Ireland. By Wednesday noon Richie was dead as well.", Gloria took a breath and wiped her wet eyes quickly, "Too much drama, wasn't it?", she tried to dismiss it.

She didn't want to say more, to share all those dark thoughts in her mind or to cry, first of all, because she didn't want to upset Emily more. If her condition was real, she should avoid distressing situations and she shouldn't be exposed to that ugliness of fate. Secondly, Gloria had admitted it long before, she was scared of crying.

"It's life and it's not always fair.", Emily spoke.

There were no words of consolation. It was tragic as it was. Emily's eyes had watered, as well. One day Ria thought that finally she had everything. She could have become a wonderful mother and Richard would have been a perfect father. They loved each other. The next day she was left with nothing. Whelan and his child were taken from her only hours apart.

"You never said anything to anyone?", Emily got worried about how she had coped with that pain for almost a decade.

"Clyde knows. I collapsed at the stairs of the plane when we came back from Ireland. He took me to a clinic, thinking I had drunk or something. That's where I learnt for sure and he learnt, as well."

"And he wasn't much of a help anyway."

"I say a lot of things about Clyde. But deep down, he is a decent man. He doesn't always show it but he is. He tried. He even tried to hide the miscarriage from me at the start. But I knew. I hadn't checked it but I knew. I could feel it… Let alone that the doctor had already said to me that baby had no chance to survive inside me."

"It wasn't your fault.", Emily repeated even if she knew that her friend had a long way to go before she understood that.

Gloria pressed her lips together and turned to her.

"We are in deep water here. I don't want you to pass the same thing. I'll do anything for it not to happen. Promise me that you'll check if you are pregnant or not.", she said in low voice.

"I will.", Emily reassured her, convinced finally that she had to, she had to put her own insecurities aside, she couldn't drag her friend with her.

Emily reached for the woman's bruised cheek. With all those appearances they were juggling to keep, with all those stern, narrow-minded bureaucrats their pressure and their politics, Emily had forgotten the very reason that she had made Gloria her friend. It was neither the common dry humour, nor their similar tendency to hide. Yes, Ria had passed and done a lot of ugly stuff in her life. Yes, she was argumentative and with a temper. But she hadn't turned mean, her soul had stayed pure, even if she refused to see it. She had that value of being ready to do anything, literally anything, for the good of others, to keep everyone safe and away from the monsters and the darkness she knew too well. Even if it could be dangerous to herself like that, it was a value that Emily rarely saw to a person. Ria deserved so much more than her fate had served her, most of all she didn't deserve that loneliness that she was condemned to. Emily had played a role in it, when she ran and disappeared at the other side of the Atlantic, unaware that her friend was suffering.

"I'm sorry.", she whispered.

"Em, I told you there is nothing…", she protested but Emily stopped her.

"I'm sorry you passed all that alone.", and like that she hugged her.

Gloria returned the hug. Emily had been right. All those years, she had needed a friend, a woman that could listen and understand her. It was good that she had said that story to someone finally. It couldn't erase the pain but it had helped. And she had cleared the matters with Emily. She had to. She couldn't afford losing more people, either physically, or by her own faults.

They stayed hugged for a while and both women had tears in their eyes, till Emily's phone rang bringing them back to the reality they had to face. It was the phone that she used for JJ.

"Yes", Emily cleared her throat.

"Hey, Emily.", JJ spoke, "Everything OK?"

"Yep. I have Gloria with me."

"Is she OK?", JJ asked surprised.

"I'm fine.", Gloria replied.

"I assume you both came across Brooder.", JJ concluded.

"Yeah, by accident but we managed it and we will.", Emily answered, there was no need to say many details, "Anything happened? Why the call?"

"We had Paterson missing for some hours. That's sorted. But there is one more thing.", JJ started and filled them both about the upcoming tension between Brooder and the boss, that they are gonna see very soon.

"OK. We'll have it mind.", Emily replied, "And JJ, tell Easter that the name he was looking for was Victor Malone."

Gloria frowned. She knew that name. The guy was a bureaucrat in Interpol. But JJ's voice interrupted her thoughts and took her by surprise.

"OK. I have to hang up. I have to call Rossi to tell him about you, Gloria, to finally calm him down a bit. Take care, both of you.", JJ spoke last.

"We will.", Emily said.

Emily watched her friend staring at the phone for some moments. David's mention had frozen her.

Gloria's mind had gone back to that moment in front of Brooder's barrel, that instant thought of David. They say before you die you think of someone you love or someone that makes you safe... She hadn't spoken to him since she flew from his office. She had ran underground. She had left him her badge with that note. She had disappeared from their radar. She felt guilty that she had made him worry.

Emily could tell clearly from the other woman's face that she had some other stuff, good one, that she refused to share and didn't know how to deal with it. At any case, it was the only positive news of the day. She smiled to the side.

"You have feelings for Rossi, don't you?"

The line took Gloria out of her thoughts and she turned to her. Under different circumstances, Emily would have fooled a bit with the instant blushing that she spotted on her friend's cheeks, at least on the one that wasn't bruised. But Gloria dropped her eyes quickly and her face saddened.

"Just leave it."

But Emily didn't want to drop it. Her hand rested on her friend's arm.

"You know that this is normal. You know that at some point you have to move on. And Rossi is a good man.", she started.

"I know. It's just… Dave… I…", she couldn't put the words in order, she didn't want to get into that, too, it was making her more and more uncomfortable.

Dave was with someone else and whatever feelings existed in the mess in her head were in vain. But she wasn't only uncomfortable. She was ashamed that she had already screwed everything up. She was embarrassed that her heart was stirring for someone that just felt sorry of her, not even someone that had no interest in her, but someone that pitied her. Was she really admitting that her heart was stirring? Of course, she had admitted that to herself six years ago. The feeling of fear got added in the pile of all other ones.

"I don't want to talk about that now, please."

Emily nodded in understanding. It wasn't the best time, not when Ria had just spoken about her losses. Her friend wasn't only denying herself her feelings because she simply thought of herself as worthless. She was scared. She had lost her parents early, she had lost the man she loved, she had lost her own child. And she was blaming herself. She was scared of losing everything all over again, of being the cause of it.

"Let me just repeat to you, though, that what has happened to you was hard and unfair. But it wasn't your fault. Don't deny yourself your chances.", Emily said softly, "How did you say it to me before? 'Don't turn blind eyes to the good thing of your life'."

Gloria let a breath. When she had said that, it was more than obvious that Hotch was over the hills for Emily and, well, she knew about Emily. Her own situation wasn't that simple. But was her life ever simple?

"How come we give each other the same advice?", she said in her usual tone.

"Because most of the times you don't follow what you say.", Emily said in a lighter tone, half-jokingly, half-seriously.

"And you do?", Gloria smiled a bit, raising an eyebrow and Emily smiled back.

For a moment Emily saw finally a little sparkle in her friend's eyes. That was encouraging.

"I missed you, Ria. All those years I had left Interpol, I missed you."

"I know. I missed you, too, Em.", Gloria murmured.

It was almost ironic. They had been again close to each other for a year now and they had never said that before. None of them had voiced the phrase: 'I missed you'. None of them had admitted that what happened nine and a half years ago had come between two good friends, two best friends. But that friendship was stronger than whoever had conspired against it.

"Don't walk behind me; I may not lead. Don't walk in front of me; I may not follow. Just walk beside me and be my friend." ~ Albert Camus

I should admit that this chapter is one of those ones I loved the most, that's because of the two girls finally starting to heal their friendship. That's why the quick update!

Spoiler: Rossi is right. Hathaway's words were a bait and even Hathaway himself doesn't know it.

Let me know what you think!