Homespun

Episode begins at the Loud House, a crash is heard.

Lori: AHH! DANG IT!

Logan and Anastasia heard Lori's yells and rushed to the bathroom.

Anastasia: That sounded like Aunty Lori.

Logan: Lori, are you okay?

Lori: No! I'm locked in the stinking bathroom! Now let me out! Bobby's coming over to study, and i only have three hours to get ready!

Logan: Hmm. I don't know, sis. I don't think i like the idea of you two studying together. Maybe it's best if you stay in there for the moment.

Lori: [annoyed] Now is not the for your joke, Logan! Let me out!

Anastasia: I'll open it. If it get Ms. Bossy out in time. [she tries to open the door, but the knob broke off] Oh. That's not good.

Logan and Anastasia hears Lori struggling to open bathroom door, when suddenly, she slips. She grabs hold of the shower curtain, but it rips off. The pole holding the curtain bonks Lori on the head. Lori growls even louder at this string of events.

Logan: I got this one. [walks back, then bashes through the door] Heeeeere's Loga- [falls down a hole in the bathroom floor] WHAT THE FUGDECAKE?!!!

Anastasia: [enters the bathroom; concerned] Dad, are you okay?!

Logan: Why...is there...a hole... [at the top of his lungs]... IN THE BATHROOM FLOOR!!!

Lori: THIS HOUSE IS LITERALLY FALLING APART!!!

Lincoln: [to the viewers] Lori's right. With 13 kids, five pets... and two parents who insist on fixing everything themselves, our house is a bit of a, how do i put this nicely, disaster.

Flashback to Lana and Lola brushing their teeth.

Lincoln: [voice-over] You've got the faulty water pressure.

Lana puts her mouth under the faucet, and turns the water pressure on, but nothing comes out. Lola is ticked off at Lana's uncouth method of rinsing her mouth.

Lana: [leaving the bathroom] Eh. I'll go borrow some water from Charles' bowl.

Lola: Try to have a little digni-

As Lola was talking, the increased water pressure from the pipes breaks loose, spewing water onto Lola, flinging her into the trash can. Flashback to Luna arriving home late at night with her music equipment.

Lincoln: And the creaky floorboards.

As Luna enters the house, she gives a "hang loose" hand gesture and tiptoes over to the staircase. She steps on the first step, making a loud creaking sound. This alerts Lynn Sr., scaring Luna.

Lynn Sr.: Lori? Leni? Luan?

Lincoln: Don't forget about the rotting wood.

Luna tries to grab hold of the handrail, but the entire staircase breaks apart. As Luna stands back up, Lynn Sr. flashes a light at her.

Lynn Sr.: Luna!

Flashback to Lincoln adding the finishing touches to a model pirate ship.

Lincoln: Then there's the clunky furnace. [Lincoln has just added the captain on the ship] Well, Captain. After 13 weeks of careful construction, your ship is finally ready.

As Lincoln looks on with pride, the furnace begins rattling. As Lincoln holds his model ship in fear, the furnace spews out some soot, covering Lincoln with it and damaging his model ship. Flashback to Logan helping his father adjusting the TV antenna on a windy day.

Lincoln: And the crummy TV signal.

Inside the house, the kids are complaining that the TV is fuzzy again. Rita is outside putting pillows on a trampoline just in case Lynn Sr. falls off. A sheet of foil lands on Lynn Sr.'s face, blinding him. His vest gets caught on the TV antenna, causing him to get tangled in the antenna.

Lynn Sr.: [panic-stricken] Something's got me!

Logan: Dad, stop, or you'll fall off the roof again!

Inside the house, the TV signal is back, as a "Peanuts"-esque show appears on the screen.

Luan: Wait! Wait! That's perfect!

As the Loud kids cheer at the signal being back, Lynn Sr. falls off the roof, along with the TV antenna, causing the signal to be lost again.

Loud kids minus Anastasia: Aww.

Anastasia: OH COME ON!

Flashback to a series of moments where doorknobs and door handles broke off.

Lisa: [doorknob] Dang it.

Leni: [fridge door handle] Dang it.

Lynn: [doorknob] Dang it.

Lucy: [attic cord] Dang it.

Lori: [doorknob] Dang it.

Luna: [flusher handle] Dang it.

Lincoln: [doorknob] Dang it.

Logan and Anastasia: [backdoor/basement doorknob] Dang it!

End flashback.

Lincoln has just gotten the trash to the curb, where the mailbox is all banged up and patched up.

Lincoln: [thinking] And I feel like there's something I'm leaving out. [the mailbox falls onto his foot] YAH! Right. The mailbox. [puts it back up] Ridiculous. There's wasn't even a breeze!

Cut to Lisa with a weather machine and wearing a slicker and hat.

Lisa: Actually, according to my meteorological instruments, a big storm's a-brewin'. Perhaps a tornado.

Lincoln: [doubtful] What? No way!

Cut to the TV with a weather report.

Patchy: Patchy Drizzle here with an urgent weather bulletin! A tornado watch has just been issued for the Royal Woods area!

Everyone except Lisa gasps.

Lisa: [sighs] Try and keep up, Patchy.

Logan: Okay, gang. To the basement. Now, move, move, move!

The kids got up from the couch and ran to the basement.

Rita: Logan, i need you to be down there will the kids while your father and i secure the TV antenna.

Logan: Way ahead of you, Mom. [leaves]

Lynn Sr.: I call trampoline!

The basement. Lisa's weather machine is set and the kids and pets are all secured with pillows for comfort on the hard floor and chatting about the situation with concern.

Twins: [holding each other tight] I'm scared!

Logan: Fear not, little ones. I am here to protect you all.

Lisa: He's right. And besides, a tornado watch doesn't mean a twister's coming, but rather that conditions are right for one. Besides, most residential structures can withstand wind speeds of up to 80 mph.

Luan: Or, in the case of our house, 2 mph! [laughs and everyone else except Anastasia laughs with her]

Anastasia: I don't get it.

Lynn: Maybe this old heap will blow away, and then we can get a new house!

Anastasia: Say what now?

Lola: [sighs dreamily] I'll finally get my castle!

Lori: [texting on her phone] Ugh. l can't believe i have to postpone my study date with Bobby after i did... [showing her bod] ...all this.

Logan: I am glad you did postpone it, otherwise he wouldn't be staying here long if you two are gonna do what i think y'all gonna do.

Anastasia: Wait wait wait wait! You can't just give up on this house just yet. This is our home. We can't just trade it off for another house. Don't you guys think you're being too hard on the house?

Lori: Maybe if it wasn't to broken, maybe we wouldn't have to talk trash about this house!

Luna: Dudes! Remember the first time Bobby came over to Casa Loud?

Flashback to Bobby's first visit to the Loud House. He is dressed maturely with a white shirt and tie and carrying an Italian gift basket. He approaches the door but falls through the porch and gets stuck. Lori and her parents open the door with the second oldest looking on with concern.

Bobby: Mr. and Mrs. Loud. Heh. It's an honor to finally meet you. [extends hand which is now covered in marinara sauce]

Lori: [gasps] Boo-Boo Bear! You're literally bleeding!

Bobby: Oh. [chuckles and shakes sauces off] No worries, babe. It's-it's just marinara sauce. Ahem. Could i please use your restroom?

In the bathroom, Bobby is trying to use the sink, but the water isn't coming out. Suddenly, a shake and rattle comes out and a jet of water blasts Bobby against the wall. Lucy can see him through the hole in the bathroom floor next to the toilet.

Lucy: So, you're Lori's new love interest.

Bobby yelps and flinches and grabs the doorknob only for it to come off.

Bobby: Dang it.

End flashback. Lori reminisces with passion and everyone else laugh.

Logan: Man, wish i was there that day yo witness that. [laughs]

Lori: [sighs dreamily] Fortunately, our love was strong enough to overcome any obstacle. [sternly] Including creepy sisters who spy on my dates. [referring to Lucy] Or older brothers who beats up my dates on the next day. [referring to Logan]

Lucy: Please. You can't expect to have privacy in this house.

Flashback to Lucy and Lynn trying to sleep.

Lucy: [inhales] Sigh. [inhales] Sigh. [inhales] Sigh.

This wakes Lynn up.

Lynn: Okay, you've been doing that for ten minutes. What's wrong, Luce?

Lucy: [rises up] Don't tell anyone, but... [shows Lynn a werewolf on the cover] ...I've been reading this new book series about a werewolf, and it feels like I'm cheating on Edwin. [shows her Edwin poster with a little drawing of her taped to it]

Lola: [having overheard this from her room] I'd stick with the vampire. Werewolves are hairy and gross. Yech!

Lana: Which is exactly why she should go for one! [howls]

Lori: [having overheard it, too] But Edwin was her first love!

Anastasia: [also having overheard it] I hate to say this, but i agree with Aunty Lola on the werewolves are hairy part. Werewolves have fur, fur gets ticks and fleas on them. Therefore, I'll stick with the vampire if i was you.

Logan: I agree. I'm basically dating a vampire.

Anastasia: Dad, just because Mom licks your blood whenever you have a wound and she prefer staying in the darkness, doesn't make her a vampire.

Logan: [sarcastically] Thanks for throwing my business out there, Anastasia.

Anastasia: You're welcome.

Lynn Sr.: [also having overheard it] Don't these books sound a little old for Lucy?

Rita is reading The Mom Jeans Ultimatum

Rita: Of course not, dear. When i was a girl, i read a series about a cute lumberjack.

Lucy places her pillow over her face and falls back.

Lucy: Groan.

End flashback. Everyone except Lucy is laughing.

Lucy: [inhales] Sigh...

Lisa: I still fail to grasp your dilemma, as both would-be suitors are mythological beings.

Lucy: My point was that our walls are ridiculously thin.

Leni: Yeah! Not to mention leaky!

Flashback to Leni working on a new dress. The roof starts to leak.

Leni: Uh-oh.

She stops it with her ruler, but then the leak comes in through the wall. She stops it with her foot. Eventually, all different spots in the room are leaking and she covers the last one with her pincushion in her mouth.

Leni: Got it. [hears her phone vibrating] Dang it!

End flashback.

Leni: And it wasn't even raining! Someone just flushed the upstairs toilet!

Luan: Urine trouble then! [laughs to rimshot] Get it? [everyone groan for the umpteenth time] Aw, come on. It was funny!

Anastasia: You're lucky I'm comfortable at the moment. Otherwise, I'll hit you on the head for that joke.

The weather machine is going off and Lisa has the results.

Lisa: Good news. Wind speeds have decreased significantly. We should be out of this asbestos-ridden dungeon soon.

The other Loud kids and the pets cheer.

Lori: At least it's not flooding like it did in the last big storm.

Flashback to the aftermath of the previous storm Lori mentioned. The entire basement is flooded with the faucet leaking.

Lisa: I'll get the buckets.

Many buckets later.

Logan: Last one. [He passes it to Lori, who passes it to Leni, who passes it to Luna, who passes it to Charles, who passes it to Lola, who passes it to Anastasia, who passes it to Lisa, who passes it to Lynn, who dumps the water in the backyard. Please flashback.

Lynn: Wait. But don't you guys remember what happened next?

Resume flashback. After the last bucket, Lynn gasps and notices something.

Lynn: Hey, guys! Check it out!

They made a swimming hole in the backyard from the storm water.

Lynn: CANNONBALL!!! [dives right in]

Everyone except Lori jumps in.

Lori: Ew! I'm not swimming in grody basement water!

Anastasia: Oh come on, Aunty Lori!

Logan: Yeah, sis. Don't be a wuss. Jump right in!

Lori: No! I'm not jumping in there, and there's nothing that's gonna make me!

Lynn resurfaces.

Lynn: Hey, Lori! I found your missing earring!

Lori: [gasps] The one from Bobby? CANNONBALL! [dives right in]

End flashback. The kids were happy to remember that time.

Lynn: Yeah, i guess sometimes, living in a crummy house isn't all bad.

Lincoln: Yeah, like the time possums got in through the holes in the roof and chewed up the wiring.

Logan: I'll never forget that day.

Flashback to that time. The last possum has just fled through the hole. The family is up in the attic where Rita has some bad news.

Rita: Sorry, kids. Till we get new cables, there's gonna be no TV or internet.

The kids respond with despair.

Anastasia: Seriously?!

Lynn Sr.: Whoa whoa whoa! No need to panic. I think i know how to possum the time. [the kids, even Luan, groans at his joke] Guess what ol' Dad found?

Lori: [hopeful] A wireless hotspot?

Lynn Sr: Even better! [shows them a series of books] My old Pioneer Boy books from when i was a kid! They're about a plucky young lad and his family crossing this great nation in a covered wagon. You guys are gonna love 'em!

The kids all have unimpressed and bored looks on their faces. Later, they're seen reenacting the pioneer days inspired by the books and dressing the part. Lincoln is riding in a toy wagon with his Starship Groupers sleeping bag as a cover, Luna and Lana are playing bluegrass music with Anastasia and Lily dancing to beat, Leni and Lola are trying on old showgirl outfits as Leni laughs, Lori has embroidered a hoop of Bobby, while Lucy has sewn one of a cow skull, Lynn is pushing a hoop with a stickstick, Logan is leaning against the wall with a toothpick hanging out of his mouth, Luan is juggling horseshoes, and Lisa is making different kinds of old fashioned tonics. Luan drops one of her horseshoes on her foot.

Luan: Ow!

Lisa: [in a Southern accent] Fret not, lassie. One drop of my mugwump elixer will soothe every ache and pain.

End flashback.

Lori: That did turn out to be fun.

The others agree.

Lisa: Yes, indeed.

Logan: Very.

Lynn: That was pretty cool.

Anastasia: So cool.

Lola: That was almost as fun as the time the air conditioner went crazy, and Dad couldn't turn it off.

Logan: That is when we dub the living room "the cool room".

Flashback to that time where Lynn Sr. is struggling with the AC. It blasts a bit and he runs off in fear. Inside, the living room has become a winter wonderland for the kids who are in their clothes and having fun ice skating, building a snowman, and having a snowball fight. End flashback.

Anastasia: [giggles] That was also fun. Shame we have to deal with the water after that. Which is fine since we made another swimming hole anyway.

Luna: You know, dudes, maybe little dudette was right earlier. Maybe we've have been too hard on the ol' crib. It's got some perks.

Logan: Like the wicked slanty floors?

Luna: Like the wicked slanty floors.

Flashback to a good meal with Lincoln and his older siblings at the grownup table.

Luna: [leaning chair toward the kitchen and the kiddie table] Yo, Lans! Pass the gravy.

Lana puts the gravy boat on the floor and it slants over to Luna. End flashback with Luna laughing at that time.

Luna: You never have to get up to grab some grub!

Lynn: Or a fresh roll of TP.

Flashback to Lynn using the toilet while reading the sports section without any toilet paper.

Lynn: GUYS! I NEED A RELOAD! [one of them tosses her a roll from the hole and she grabs it] And she makes the snag.

End flashback with them all laughing.

Anastasia: Let's not forget about the broken doorbell.

Lincoln: Yeah. That can come in handy, too.

Flashback to a time they ordered pizza and the delivery guy presses the doorbell only to be shocked by its faulty wiring. He drops all the boxes meant for the Louds and runs off. The kids answer and smack their lips with hunger. End flashback.

Lincoln: I can't remember the last time we paid for pizza.

The kids laugh some more.

Lynn: You know what else comes in handy? That hole in the bathroom floor.

Lori: Um, we got it, Lynn.

Lynn: Oh. Okay. Just wanted to be sure. Speaking of which, how get we get that hole in the bathroom floor?

Logan: I think i beginning to remember how we got that hole. Okay, so you all know that show that Anastasia watch, right?

Lynn: The one with the cat and mouse trying kill each other? What about it?

Logan: Well, i used to watch it myself when i was younger. Through, it showed all the episodes before censorship kept some of them of TV due to...some themes. Anyway, i was watching this one episode where the cat bought a book to help him catch the mouse.

Anastasia: Wait. Isn't that the one where he used every step only for them all to fail on him and eventually he die at the end of the episode?

Logan: Yep. That's the one. Man, you guys should've been there when i used one of the steps I've took from that episode.

Flashback to when Logan was little. He placed a bear trap on the couch and painted it the same way as the couch so no one can see it.

Young Logan: [evil chuckles] This should be fun.

Minutes later, Lynn Sr. enters the living room with looking at a newspaper and is about to sit on the couch. Just asas he sits down, the trap triggers, causing pain and sending him up into the living room ceiling.

Young Logan: [laughs] I got you, Dad!

End flashback.

Logan: Of course, i was grounded for that incident, but it was really worth it.

Anastasia: Like father, like daughter, huh?

Logan: Exactly.

Lily is toddling about and babbling a little.

Luan: Guys, i think Lily wants to share a house story, too. Mind if I translate, Lilster?

Lily: Poo-poo. Ahem. [babbling]

Luan: So, it was Mom and Dad's anniversary weekend.

Flashback to said weekend. The parents are driving off and the kids wave goodbye.

Kids: BYE! HAVE FUN!

Lincoln: Okay, guys, it's time to put Operation Paint The Peeling House To Give These Two The Greatest Anniversary Gift Ever And Also Think Of A Shorter Name For This Operation...into action!

The kids go into the garage.

Lucy: I still think adjacent burial plots would have been a better gift. Nothing says romance like eternity. Right, Logan?

The others except Logan slowly inch away from Lucy after hearing that.

Logan: It is. But, only if they are ready for that.

Later, as Lincoln and Logan puts on the last coat, the horn sounds.

Lincoln: They're back! Paintbrushes down!

Rita and Lynn Sr. step out of the car and find their house completely covered in a rainbow nightmare.

Loud kids: SURPRISE! HAPPY ANNIVERSARY!

Lynn Sr. and Rita: [appalled] Good...gravy...

Lincoln: So. you like it

Anastasia: Please, tell us you do.

Lynn Sr. and Rita: Uh...

The kids are immediately painting the house back to the way it was before. Lily paints a hand print on the side of the house, and the others follow suit, each colored handprint matched their themed color.

Lynn Sr.: [tear-stricken] Best...anniversary gift...EVER!

End flashback.

Luan: That was a great story, Lily.

Lily: Poo-poo.

Luan: I think she's got another story! [Lily soils her diaper] Oh. This time, it really is just poo-poo.

The kids all laugh again. Just then, Lisa's weather machine goes off again.

Lori: [concerned] What's going on? Is the storm over?

Lisa: Uh. Actually, wind speeds have increased significantly. Meaning the tornado watcg is about to become a tornado warning. [the kids gasp in fear, and a siren on Lisa's weather machine begins blaring] And there it is.

Rita and Lynn Sr. enter the basement.

Lynn Sr.: NOBODY PANIC!

Lynn: [regretful] I guess it's not such a bad house after all.

Lisa: Definitely.

As the sisters agree Lynn's statement, the sound of thunder begins roaring like crazy, causing the light in the basement to begin flickering.

Lana: I don't want our house to blow away!

Lynn: Me neither.

Lisa: I take back what i said before.

Luan: Yeah, we have so many memories in these walls.

Logan: You darn right we do!

Luna: I'm sorry I ever ragged on this place.

Lynn: Me too.

Leni: We're so sorry, house!

Lola: Me too!

Lana: Me three!

Anastasia: Me four!

Lincoln: [confessing] You might be old and creaky and full of leaks, but you're ours. And we love you!

As the winds increase with power, the kids and the pets begin trembling in fear at the impending doom that's about to hit them. After eight seconds of cowering, the winds suddenly cease, the thunder stops roaring, and the light stops flickering. Lisa checks her machine.

Lisa: All clear!

Lincoln: Let's go check on the house! [the kids except for Lynn and Anastasia all run upstairs out of the basement] I hope the house is okay!

Lynn: [with a roll of toilet paper] I'll check the hole in the bathroom floor. [runs upstairs]

Anastasia: And I'll get some water and a baseball bat just in case if there's evil green witches and flying monkeys.

Outside. The neighborhood is littered with rubble all over. The kids and the adults are looking at their house with deep concern. A passing bicyclist approaches them.

Bicyclist: Yikes. You guys were hit hard.

The house is revealed to be just the same.

Logan: Looks fine to me.

Lincoln: And we wouldn't want it any other way.

Lynn Sr.: All right, everyone, back inside.

Lynn Sr. attempts to open the door, only for the door handle to break off.

Loud Family: Dang it!

[Post credits]

Anastasia appears in front of a black screen behind her as she getting ready to talk to the viewers.

Anastasia: Well, we did it. It's finally time to put Season 1 to rest. And begin Season 2, Baby! I'm hope you all are just as excited as i am. I can't wait to see what kind of destruction i will make in that season. And i know you've been dying to know who's my mother is, and you will! Next Season! Now, i got to go. I think Cliff is trying to eat Jerry again. See you in the next Season! [leaves]

Just as Anastasia left the scene, an evil chuckle can be heard as an eye appears on the screen.

???: I can't wait to meet you all, real soon.