The Old and the Restless

[The van drives to a retirement home and Lincoln and Anastasia comes out.]Rita: Have fun with Pop-Pop kids, I'll see you at 6:00!

Anastasia: Bye grandma! See ya later! [Rita drives off]

[An elderly man is coming out with a box of his belongings.]

Elderly Man: But...but...but...but...

Sue: [pushing elderly man out of retirement home.] If you would've had your butt home by curfew, you'd still have a place to live.

[Lincoln and Anastasia enters retirement home and rings the bell; an elderly man taps Lincoln's shoulder then tip-toes to the side.]

Lincoln and Anastasia: Pop-Pop/ Great Grand-Pop! [hugs Albert]

Albert: Ha, ha, ha!

Anastasia: I am so happy to see you again, Great Grand-Pop!

Albert: You too, Stasia! The last time i saw you, you was a baby. Look how big you are! How's your father?

Anastasia: He's doing good. He is out with my mom at the moment which the reason why he isn't here. But he did tell me to tell you he said hi.

Albert: That's good to hear.

Lincoln: Your new place looks nice!

Albert: Thanks kiddo. It took me months to get in here. I had to wait for three people to kick the bu-uh, move out. This place has got a pool, shuffleboard tournaments, and it's filled with all my old pals. I'm really loving it here. So, what's on the day's agenda?

Lincoln: I got our whole day planned: arcade, carnival, maybe laser tag?

Sue: Wowsers! [chuckles] That sound's like oodles of fun...if you wanna end up in the ER. I think your grandfather will be happier spending the day here at Sunset Canyon. Right, Albert?

Albert: [sadly] Oh, yes, of course. Good call, Sue.

Lincoln: But Pop-Pop-

Albert: It's okay, Lincoln. Sue here takes real care of us. She knows best.

[Scoots comes speeding on her electrical scooter.]

Sue: Scoots! [pulls out a velocity speed gun] You're going 5 miles over the speed limit! Someone just lost her pudding privileges. [runs after the speeding elder] Get back here.

Anastasia: Something tells me that I'm going to hate that lady.

Lincoln: [looks at his grandfather all happy] Hey, how 'bout a swin?

[Albert obliges and walks with Lincoln and Anastasia.]

[Cut to the pool where Lincoln and Albert run to the pool.]

Lincoln: Cannonball!

[They both stop as they here Sue's whistle.]

Sue: Cannonball? That sounds like a hoot, if you want to brake a hip. Do you want to break a hip Albert?

[Albert shakes his head in a nerveless agreement.]

Sue: Then why don't you grab a seat on the helper chair?

[An elder is on the helper chair with a line of elders waiting for their turn.]

Albert: [disappointed] Good call, Sue. [walks towards the helper chair]

Sue: [Looks towards Lincoln and Anastasia] And speaking of pool safety, i have something for you two. [smiling evilly]

[Lincoln and Anastasia is floating unhappy in the pool, wearing a life vest and water nose-plugs.]

Anastasia: Yep, i definitely hate that lady.

Albert: Okay, kids splash fight in 3,2- [gets interrupted by Sue's whistle]

Sue: Everybody out! Time to reapply sunblock.

Albert: [disappointed] Aww.

[He goes back up in the helper chair.]

Lincoln: [looks at Sue, confused] But we're indoors.

Albert: [still disappointed; looks at Lincoln] Now Lincoln, Sue knows best.

[Lincoln and Anastasia swins away off-screen.]

Seymour: [in the pool on a purple water noddle] But Sue i-i just got the hang of this noodle and i- [gets interrupted by Sue]

Sue: Okay, Seymour, you can stay in the water. If you want your skin to flake off like a burnt potato!

Seymour: [disappointed, paddling backwards] Oh, good call Sue.

[Cut to room where Albert and Lincoln are playing Twister. Lincoln spins the board.]

Lincoln: Left foot red!

[Albert tries to stretches his left foot onto a red panel and blows a raspberry upon placing it. Lincoln spins again, but Sue stomps on the arrow

Sue: Well, doesn't this look like a great way to end up in traction? Why don't you go help Scoots with her cat puzzle?

[Scoots is eating from the pudding dispenser with Anastasia despite having her privileges taken away

Sue: [blows her whistle] I EXPRESSLY SAID NO PUDDING!

Scoots: You'll never catch me, SHREW! [laughs and scoots off while Sue gives chase and keep blowing her whistle as Anastasia watch]

[Albert's room]

Lincoln: Pop-Pop, you really need a nap?

Albert: [in bed] Those are Sue's rules and Sue knows best.

Anastasia: Sue knows best? Sue knows best?! Great Grand-Pop, that lady is manipulating you to think that she knows best! But in reality, she doesn't!

Lincoln: Anastasia's right. Can't you see what Sue's done to you? She's convinced you you're old and frail. But you're not. The last time we hung out, you crushed those Navy SEAL'S in paintball.

[Flashback to the SEAL'S screaming and being splattered by Albert who comes swinging on a vine vigorously; end flashback

Albert: Ho, ho. I took it to 'em. But that was years ago, Lincoln.

Lincoln: That was last month when Logan also visited. Pop-Pop, i think we should go have a fun day out on the town like we used to.

Albert: Okay, you sold me. Let's blow this popsicle stand!

Anastasia: That's all i needed to hear.

[Sue is monitoring the lobby when she spots Lincoln, Anastasia, and Pop-Pop heading out the door

Sue: Where are you three Peppy Pete's off to? Albert, shouldn't you be in bed.

Lincoln: He's not tired.

Sue: [sarcastic] Oh, i didn't realize we had geriatric experts on the premises.

Anastasia: At least we know a lot more than you do, lady! [Sue glares at Anastasia]

Lincoln: We're just going out to have some fun.

Sue: We'll that sounds like a good way to miss our 6:00 PM curfew. And you know what happens if miss curfew. You'll be out on your proverbial keister.

Albert: [nervous] Un...come on, kids. Race you to the shuffleboard court.

Anastasia: [stops Albert] Oh no you don't! We didn't come all the way here just to see you being treated like a prisoner! We are going to leave this place for a while and that's that!

Lincoln: And we promise we'll be back by 6:00 o'clock curfew.

Albert: Hm, okay, kiddo. Lead the way.

[Just as they're about to leave, Sue points to her watch to remind Lincoln not to be late as he smiles nervously. Anastasia give Sue the "i am watching you" finger gesture while sticking her tongue out

[At Dine 'N' Dance, Lincoln, Anastasia, and Albert are ordering lunch

Lincoln: Two cheeseburgers, three fries, and three chocolate shakes.

Albert: Oh, not for me. I'll just have the cottage cheese and melon slices. [his grandson looks at him confused] Sue says i should stick to food that's a little easier to digest.

Lincoln: This from the guy who cleaned out an entire Chinese buffet?

[Flashback to Albert eating everything at the buffet, forcing the family who owns the restaurant to close up shop; end flashback

Albert: [chuckles] I took it to 'em. Ah, what the heck? I'll have what he's havin'. And put chili on everything!

Anastasia: I just want some chicken nuggets without any chili on it and on one of the fries. [the waitress left] And don't forget the barbecue sauce!

[After lunch, Lincoln and Albert are stuff and Albert passes gas

Anastasia: [sarcastic] Very funny, Great Grand-Pop.

Albert: That wasn't me! I think someone must've stepped on a frog.

[They laugh]

Waitress: [announcing] Hey, hap cats and kittens! It's time to do the twist!

[A 50's style greaser dances with one of the waitresses and another waitress offers to dance with Albert

Albert: [unsure] Uh, thank you, but i really shouldn't. Sue says dancing is a great way to slip a disk.

Lincoln: But, Pop-Pop, you love to dance.

Albert: They did call me "Jitterbug" in the Army. [dances with the waitress after all]

Waitress: Woo-hoo! [laughs gleefully while dancing with Albert]

[Lincoln, Anastasia, and Albert are now playing Laser Tag. Lincoln fires at Albert, but he dodges the shot and blasts Lincoln's vest, thus eliminating his grandson. But then, a little girl easily takes him out.

Albert: Oh, you got me! [pretends to keel over much to the girl's confusion, only to be shot in the back by Anastasia]

[Now they're riding bumper cars and ram into each other, causing Albert's dentures to fly out and hit Lincoln's forehead as they laugh. They then drink Flippers really fast to see who can finish theirs first

Lincoln: [feeling the pain] Aah! Brain freeze!

Anastasia: [laughs; also feeling the pain] Aah! Now i got one!

Albert: [finishes his] Winner!

[They then go mountain climbing, reach the top, admire the view and high-five. Later, Lincoln gets him, Anastasia, and their Pop-Pop three hot dogs and notices he made a new friend.]

Albert: Lincoln, Anastasia. My new friend T-Bone here was just telling me about a mechanical bull riding competition.

Anastasia: That's nice, but we should really be going back now. It's almost 6:00, and Sue said-

Albert: Aw, nuts to Sue! You were right about her! She got me thinking I'm an old geezer. But i still got some pep in my step. [shows off a few dance moves] Huh? Huh?

Lincoln: Yeah, but Sue said if we miss curfew, you'll be out on your proverbial keister.

Albert: [finishes his hot dog] You let me deal with Sue. Now, you ready to saddle up?

Lincoln: Pop-Pop, we can't.

Albert: Okay, worrywarts. then I'm outta here. Let's ride, T-Bone!

[The biker and the geezer head off.]

Lincoln: Pop-Pop, wait! What have i done? [the two chases after their Pop-pop/great grand-Pop down the street and spots the motorcycle parked next to a bar] T-Bone's bike!

Anastasia: And I'm guessing they're in there. Let's go, uncle!

Lincoln: Wait, you're not old enough to go in here!

Anastasia: So what? You're not old enough to go in there neither but i know you were gonna go in.

Lincoln: Touché. [enters the bar with Anastasia and can't find Albert anywhere] Mr. Bone. do know where my grandpa is?

T-Bone: Oh, you mean Cowboy Al? Haven't seen him since he won the competition.

Anastasia: Competition? What competition?

T-Bone: The mechanical bull riding competition. Look.

[T-Bone shows a recording he took of Albert on the mechanical bull on his phone.]

Recording Albert: YEE-HAW!

Lincoln: Well, if he's not here, where is he?

Anastasia: I think i just found your answer. [points to the bar's TV where a baseball game is on]

Sportscaster: Martinez goes back for the catch, and...what in blazes? There's an old man on the field, in his boxers! And there go the boxers.

[Lincoln and Anastasia covers their eyes upon hearing that last part.]

Lincoln: To the ballpark! [leaves the bar]

[Starrett Field. Albert gets kicked out for that little incident and a crowd comes raging out and seems to have carried him off. Now Albert is skateboarding off a half-pipe and lands right on a breakdancing stage in style. The heavy metal band Horns on a Rabbit then grabs him and takes him in their van where he performs sax on stage with them with the crowd raving as he then performs a stage dive outside of the theater with Lincoln and Anastasia trying to catch up every which way to way no avail.]

Anastasia: [out of breath] This is getting ridiculous. There's a limit a one year old can go when running!

Lincoln: Pop-Pop's curfew is in 30 minutes.

Anastasia: You think?

[They then looks up to see that he's riding a plane, skywriting "Pop-Pop Rules". He grabs some passerby's glasses to get a better look while said passerby crashes off-screen.]

Albert: LOOK OUT, WORLD! ALBERT'S ABOUT TO TAKE IT TO YA! [jumps out of the plane] YAHOO-AH!

[Lincoln yelps and rushes to where Albert's gonna land with Anastasia now on his back as she is too tired to run; the old man lands somewhere in the tree nearby and lets out a fart.]

Lincoln: Pop-Pop!

Albert: Whoops! Guess i had too much chili. Sorry, kiddos. I think i overdid it a little today.

Anastasia: I agree. Though, i think a little is a understatement.

Lincoln: That's okay, Pop-Pop. If we hurry, we can still get you back in time. Hold on. [to Anastasia] Anastasia, you don't mind getting off my back for a bit, would you?

[Anastasia rolls her eyes and gets off of Lincoln's back; Lincoln then proceeds to get his grandfather down.]

[Back at Sunset Canyon, Lincoln, Anastasia, and Albert reach the front door only to find that Sue's patrolling the lobby again and split up. She gets out her keys, ready to lock up, and looks at her watch which shows it's a few minutes before curfew.]

Sue: Ah, close enough. [locks up]

[Lincoln tries to open the front door, but it's no use.]

Lincoln: Dang it!

Sue: [on voice box] Attention, residents! Time for room check!

Albert: Double dang it!

Bernie: Psst! Al! Up here!

[Anastasia, Lincoln, and Albert turn to the others at their windows.]

Bernie: We saw you at the ball game on TV. Didn't know you were a boxers.

Seymour: I saw your name in the sky, Al. You really do rule!

Scoots: We're not gonna let Shrew kick you outta here. Come on, you old farts! I need your canes!

Anastasia: I think i just found my spirit animal.

[Lincoln and Albert smile with hope; meanwhile, Sue's checking on the rooms.]

Sue: Evening, Melba. Ah ah ah! No liquids before bed.

[Scoots hooks Seymour and Bernie's canes down to Lincoln, Anastasia, and Albert who use them like a climbing rope and get up to her room, but Sue is checking up on that room next only to see Scoots.]

Scoots: [chuckles] Just workin' on my cat puzzle.

[As soon as Sue leaves, Lincoln, Anastasia, and Albert pop out from behind her sofa.]

Lincoln, Anastasia, and Albert: Phew.

Sue: [preparing to check Albert's room] Albert?

[Seymour comes out in a towel holding a shower head.]

Seymour: Sue! Help! I can't turn my shower off.

[Sue goes into Seymour's room to help out and Albert and his grandchildren sneak over to the door to Albert's room only to find it's locked. Albert checks his pockets.]

Albert: Nuts. Can't find my key.

Bernie: I got ya. You gave me a spare.

[They enter Bernie's room and get the spare key.]

Lincoln: Thanks, Bernie.

[They use the key and get into Albert's room.]

Lincoln: We did it!

Albert: We sure took it to Sue.

[They fist bump, but...]

Sue: Oh, did you, now?

Anastasia: You darn right we did! We outdid that old cow and she...right behind me, isn't she? [Lincoln and Albert nods which caused Anastasia to turn around to see Sue behind her] Dang it...

[Now, Albert is being kicked out of the home.]

Lincoln: But-but-but-but-

Sue: No buts. You missed curfew and it's out on your keister!

Lincoln: We're sorry, Pop-Pop. We never should have made you leave today. And now you're getting kicked out. I know how much you loved it here.

Albert: No worries, kiddo. I regret nothing. You see that day we just had? I don't wanna be livin' in a place that makes me feel like an old geezer anyhow.

[Lincoln and Anastasia smile at what Albert just said.]

Sue: Who cares? Let's get moving.

[Enter Scoots.]

Scoots: Hold on there, Shrew. If you kick Albert out, then you gotta kick me out, too.

Sue: [mercilessly] With pleasure.

Seymour: And us. too!

[All the seniors are shown to be standing up for Albert.]

Bernie: Yeah! You won't have much of a seniors' center without seniors! Zing! That's a burn from Bernie!

[The seniors and Sue eye each other back and forth.]

Sue: [defeated] Fine! Albert stays! NOW GO BACK TO YOUR ROOMS!

Albert: We'll go back when we're good and ready! We're not babies and you're gonna stop treating us that way!

[Sue viciously snaps her clipboard in half and stomps away while the seniors and Lincoln and Anastasia hold Albert, but that proves to be a mistake as they drop him on their frail bodies and they moan in pain.]

Albert: There goes the hip.

[Rita drives the van up to pick up Lincoln and Anastasia with Albert waving to his daughter.]

Rita:Hi, Dad! Come on, kids

Albert: So long, kiddos! I can't wait for your next visit. [winks] And bring your chaps in case we wanna do some bull riding. And my parachute. And invite Logan next time, okay?

Anastasia: We will see if we can.

Seymour: [from inside] Hey, Big Al! We're having a celebratory late night swim!

Albert: Don't need 'em! Till next time, kids! [heads inside and takes off all his clothes, throwing them out at the van]

Scoots: Now this guy knows how to party!

[The expressions on their faces indicates they doesn't wanna see that.]