Chapter 2: Projection

"There's always a period of curious fear between the first sweet-smelling breeze and the time when the rain comes cracking down."

Don Delillo

It was six o'clock in the morning, Lexa was typically an early riser but her current habits for the past few months has scarred not only her well-being but her physical health as well. The break-up has truly shaken her life, both in a major way and even in the details affecting her day to day patterns. Despite the spontaneity of her job, Lexa was a creature of habit- therefore, some imbalance in her life stemmed into absolute chaos.

Every day she would wake up at five-thirty, put on her running shoes and take a quick sprint to the park, the streets of Polis was mostly barren in the early morning except for market-goers and street cleaners. Lexa loved her morning runs, it gave her time to think and she would often find herself smiling to some 80's hit song blasting in her earphones. Her typical routine also involved passing by a local coffee shop to get fresh bagels for her then girlfriend, Costia. She would then head home, brew some coffee and browse social media and some news as she waits for Costia to get up and join her in the breakfast nook as they proceed to discuss current events. This was a memory that she shouldn't get back to.

She was seated in the outdoor area of a coffee shop located north of Polis Park. She could view the narrow lagoon of the park from where she sat. Lexa then thought about the JD Salinger novel, "Catcher in the Rye", the protagonist, Holden asked about where the ducks would go during wintertime when the lagoon freezes over. It remained a mystery to both Holden and Lexa; are all the ducks able to fly south? Lexa's literature teacher in high school said that the ducks symbolized Holden's child-like optimism that as he grew older he slowly loses faith in people. Whether Lexa's teacher gave the right analysis, she doesn't care because right now, she feels like all the ducks were left to freeze in the pond.

Lexa started smoking at the age of 16 due to some dare set by Anya. Lexa quit smoking at the age of 23 because she found out that she could develop a serious lung disease if she continues. Now, here's Lexa taking up smoking once again at the age of 30 to vent out some of her stress. She inhaled the remainder of her cigarette as she continued to observe the lagoon sans the ducks. She was not at the coffee shop just to get breakfast or to finally, bring her routine back. She was there waiting for Titus to retrieve some notarized documents regarding her lease for her new apartment. Lexa was currently crashing at her parents' place as she prepared for the move. She stayed at the guest room because her old bedroom was converted into yet another study since according to her mom, the natural lighting was better there. A day after Titus went to Lexa's apartment to help her pack for the move, they found a new space for Lexa through Titus' new realtor "friend" or the latest dude that he was probably sleeping with. Titus did not generally sleep around, he was in a long-term relationship with Lexa's co-worker, Gustus. However, the constant traveling demanded by Gustus' work like Lexa's placed a toll on their relationship. Lexa was able to predict Costia's behavior because she was very much in the same position as Gustus. And Titus as Lexa's best friend, divulged all his illicit escapades to Lexa. Lexa condoned Titus' behavior for a while, simply because Gustus willingly agreed to this arrangement. But similar to both their relationships, the weight of guilt and denial was too difficult to bear.

Moreover, Titus and Lexa grew up in a pretty progressive environment. Both of Titus' parents were businesspeople and among their five children, they couldn't care less if one turned out to be gay; the return of investments was already evident in the marriages of the other four. Lexa's parents on the other hand were both university professors but both belonged to wealthy families, her mother was a sociologist and her father, a geographer. When Lexa came out at twelve, they were nothing but supportive to their only child. Lexa met Anya in a LGBT support group when they were in high school, together with Titus; they remained each other's constants despite prolonged times of separation.

Through her contemplation, Lexa suddenly noticed a recognizable figure walking towards her from across the street. In meeting Titus, Lexa often feels underdressed. Lexa was currently wearing an oversized grey knitted batwing cardigan on top of her black sweater, whereas Titus was wearing a caramel colored long-sleeved wool jacket over a white shirt with a slim tie. Titus was never dressed down for any occasion, even when he was out on a casual day with friends. He continued to cross the street, shielding his left temple from the harsh rays of the sun with a thick manila envelope.

"Aren't you a sight for sore eyes?" Lexa stood up to greet him.

"Sorry for being a bit late, Alistair decided to stay the night" Titus reasoned as he sat down in front of Lexa.

"Alistair's the name of my agent, right?" Lexa quipped.

"Yes, and I suppose you do appreciate my sleeping around since I helped you speed up the process of finding a new place" Titus retorted. "So have you decided where to spend your sabbatical yet?"

"I'm going to the office today to settle some arrangements with Indra. She was prepared to grant me my sabbatical, but she might probably ask me to work on some story on the side" Lexa shared. Indra was Lexa's editor; she is typically an understanding boss but can also be a thorough one at times. "She said something about hitting two birds with one stone blah blah blah".

"She can be a slave-driver sometimes, I remember how she asked Gus to write about wine and vineyards while we were on our holiday at Italy. Imagine taking down notes on a notebook as you go wine-tasting, that was supposed to be a leisure activity. I still wonder why Gus continues to put up with her after all these years" Titus recalls.

"I remember you telling me that it was fine because 'a guy has got to earn his keep' or something to that effect. And why do you still care about Gus' well-being, you ran out of his life a long time ago" Lexa was quick to remind Titus.

"Hold your tongue missy! Correction! Despite my advantages in our agreed arrangement, to my merit, I was brave enough to step up and call everything off. That was for his sake, not mine" Titus countered, shoving the manila envelope filled with documents to Lexa.

"You monsters really know how to defend yourselves do you? Did you know that Gustus compared you to a vampire? He said that you were like a vampire, if you don't feed, you'll go weak and that he can't feed you blood off his dying corpse all the time and that you needed to suck from fresh victims every day! I think you went down pretty low, dude" Lexa related Gus' narrative to Titus.

"He said that? My god, he really is smart, I couldn't fathom how he could manufacture such a metaphor about me. He really did love me, did he?" Titus realized as he slumped further into his seat.

"Well, monsters and men never really do co-exist, Titus. Monsters usually hide under beds and scare off their prey" Lexa remarked as she proceeded to examine the notarized documents Titus gave her.

"Either that or they thrive inside closets, but that's a place I'll never go back to ever again! Anyway, the landlord said that you can move your things a day from now as soon as you're ready" Titus stated.

"Thank you, Titus. I'll move in some of my stuff as soon as I can but I won't settle right away. I suppose, I'll be headed to someplace much warmer this March" Lexa announced.

Lexa exited Indra's office about two hours after work hours later that evening, she wanted avoid the small talk from her other co-workers. She proceeded to share her itinerary with her editor but she left some significant parts out to give way for some space for her personal musings. Lexa planned for a month-long trip across Mainland Southeast Asia. From Polis, she'll enter Asia through Hanoi. After a week in Vietnam, she'll be travelling by land across borders entering Siem Reap to see the Angkor Wat complex. Then after about another week or so, she'll once again cross the border to Thailand. The last leg of her trip was intended to end in Bangkok since she'll be visiting Anya there. Anya is currently working on her dissertation with one of the universities there. Lexa plans to stay there for about two weeks. Despite her needed breather, Indra requested Lexa to document her trip, claiming that she could turn it into a backpacker's journal when she returns. Lexa considered it as a win-win situation, at least Indra agreed that she could write about absolutely anything in this journal. May it be about safe and affordable hostels, mysterious delicacies or cultural practices, Indra advised Lexa to consider anything out of the usual published stories.

As she continued to walk around the office to gather some of her things from her desk, she saw a familiar figure lurking about the conference room. The room was empty now, except of this single person, he had his back against the door as he furiously typed in his laptop. Some documents were spread across a rustic long table with metal framing having a polished cherry wood trunk for its top. The accent wall behind the table was filled with magazine covers turned into a somewhat of a wallpaper. The wall across it contained long heavy ledges which housed coffee table books and magazine copies. The only light illuminating the room was from a pendant light set directly above the sole employee.

"Working late, Gus?" Lexa chimed as she hopped on the swivel chair next to Gustus.

"Jesus! You scared the hell out me!" In his shock, Gustus almost fell from his seat. "Don't ever do that again."

"Sorry about that, I just wanted to say hi and maybe bye for a while" Lexa explained.

"I haven't seen you around in days and now you're telling me that you're going away again?" Gustus probed. "Anyway, where have you been or better yet, where will you go?"

"Well, I'm taking my sabbatical for a while, chief gave me about two months. But of course, doesn't mean I'm off without an assignment. She asked me to write about my trip" Lexa shared, as she examined the documents Gustus had on the table.

"Where to?" Gustus asked.

"Hmm, I'm thinking Southeast Asia, it's warmer there this time of the year. I'm planning a trip to Vietnam, Cambodia and Thailand. I hope to stay awhile at Bangkok, to visit Anya" Lexa stated.

"Well, I suppose you'll definitely get some headspace to recover there, I heard about Costia. I'm sorry, I should have emphasized more that she might end up like Titus" Gustus reached for Lexa's hand to comfort her.

"No worries, Costia and Titus may be a lot alike but at you two figured it out sooner. I was with Costia for 5 fucking years, Gus. I allowed myself to wallow in that pain for a long time. Talk about masochism" Lexa was almost in tears but she held back, she was probably angrier now. But not at Costia, probably more at herself since she allowed this to happen to her.

"For whatever it's worth, I do hope that you come back in a better disposition after this trip. I kinda miss messing with the ol' cheery Lexa. Even when I broke up with Titus, I still had that ol' cheery Lexa around here" Gustus held Lexa's face in both his hands, wiping away a sole teardrop that escaped Lexa's right eye.

"I'll definitely come back and be around for you Gus. Remember when you asked me who I would choose between you and Titus?" Lexa's tone was brighter now.

"Hah! And not for a second did you hesitate to answer" Gustus smiled.

"Of course, I would take your side, he made the wrong decisions! But somehow, you guys found a way to both be around me despite the circumstances" Lexa cheered.

"If things were repeated?" Gustus asked with a raised eyebrow.

"Then I would back you up over and over again! But don't tell him that, he'll get jealous. Plus, I shared your vampire metaphor with him" Lexa joked.

"Darling, we are no longer in speaking terms but oh, what did he say about the metaphor?" Gustus was a little bit curious.

"That you were smart to think that and that you were selfless" Lexa answered.

"Yup, I am smart and I think we both are- too selfless idiots to allow ourselves to endure pain for so long, but hey, we're free now" and with that being said, Gustus enveloped Lexa in a tight hug.

Author's Note:

Thank you again for reading, Clarke will be introduced shortly. I need a few chapters to develop Lexa's back story. Please leave a review.