Chapter 3: Pre-departure

"A person's life consists of a collection of events, the last of which could also change the meaning of the whole, not because it counts more than the previous ones but because once they are included in a life, events are arranged in an order that is not chronological but, rather, corresponds to an inner architecture."

Italo Calvino

Lexa sits at the pre-departure area, her thoughts lingering elsewhere. Was it only the other day that she was jotting down her itinerary in her notebook. Despite her job, Lexa was not much of an adventurer. She is a planner; it assures her when a strict itinerary is plotted out; ETDs, ETAs, where to eat, what to do and who to meet. Lexa cringes at the fact that up to this moment, she has not mapped out all her hotels and hostels yet. The idea of moving where the wind will carry you, was not at all appealing for Lexa. She felt numb because she was not thrilled at all, but she felt nervous because she feared the unknown. It was this unknown that has brought her steadiness in turmoil. She thought that she had everything planned at her twenties; the job, the house, and the girlfriend. Everything was in order but she's back to the building blocks now. She lost the girlfriend, as the result, she needed to give up the apartment and now she's taking a break from work. If this was just a pothole in life, Lexa needs to make sure that she does not keep on running with a flat tire. Her trance was broken by the airline announcement.

Passengers of Sky Crew Airlines Flight 3304 please proceed to the pre-departure area; boarding will commence shortly.

She thought about Costia, where she went and probably about what she was doing that very instance or perhaps who she was doing at the moment. Lexa was hurting still but somehow she laughed at that notion. A few months ago, Costia was either beside her or was in her thoughts. Even in her work trips, she would constantly communicate with Costia at definite periods each day. A call in the morning, a text at noon and Skype in the evening; Lexa was a bit predictable. Maybe that's why Costia knew how to work around her schedule and not get caught as she slept around. She needs to get used to this, being totally alone.

Thirty minutes more and Lexa will be off to a new unknown. Her stomach churns and her anxiety causes her nausea. As Lexa fights her uneasiness, suddenly phone rings. She was glad to find out who was on the other end of line, so she picked up immediately.

"Hey dad!"

"Hey sweetheart, how's it going? Mom told me that you were leaving tonight. Sorry, I wasn't able to join you for dinner last night. I just got back from a conference in Jordan, the temples of Petra were amazing!"

"That's great dad, I can sense that you had a great time. Though I suppose you must have enjoyed the sight-seeing more." Lexa felt a bit relieved now, someone her father's voice felt comforting.

"You know the academe; mostly everything is just the 'same old-same old'. Despite all the work, we haven't built flying cars yet, resolved how we will survive climate change or concoct world peace". He gagged.

"Yeah, I bet we all have a long way to go. So, I think you should attend more conferences to figure that out." Lexa quipped with sarcasm.

"Hah! So, how's the new apartment?" Her father asks in a sing song manner.

"I haven't really settled yet, most of my things are still in boxes. Titus helped me with the move and he promised to help me remodel when I get back."

"That's nice to know. So how's Titus? I haven't heard from him for a while now."

"Let's see, he hooked up with some sexy Italian guy, gained some weight, lost some hair and broke up with Gustus because he cheated; all in reverse order." Lexa loved picking on her father's wit.

"Hah! I'd say, he should think about behaving and settling soon. Time will creep up on you sooner than you think. Then all the physical shit, pardon my language, will remain important but may be considered irrelevant at some point."

"Well, probably. But if he continues sleeping around, no one will stick around for that. Look what happened to me?" Lexa suddenly shifted from her cheery tone to a somber mood.

"Sorry kiddo, shouldn't have said that. I forgot that that was still a sore topic." Her dad apologized.

"It is fine dad but I'm really trying, you know? That's why I needed to do this."

"I know, remember, one time I told you that you should take some time off and travel alone somewhere before you turn thirty? Well, you said that it was no longer needed because you felt so settled last year." Her father recalled. "There's something about new decades in life, it feels like the transition sometimes compels us to work on a transformation. Come to think of it, I wonder what I'll do before I turn sixty two years from now. I might try bungee jumping but my cardiologist said it might be too much for me. In your case, probably, your timeline just got a little bit delayed or this could be the transformation setting in."

"Yeah, probably…it made me rethink a lot of things."

"Cliché as it may seem but maybe you are destined for something else…for someone else." Lexa's dad states with a sigh.

"I hope so, anyway, this kind of talk is not the type for airport small talk, maybe we'll need to crack open a bottle of wine for this next time. I miss you dad and all your enigmas in life."

"I miss you too, kiddo. Mom and I will visit you when you return."

"I'll hold you to your word; make sure you won't be too busy with work when I come back."

"In behalf of mom, I promise. I really feel bad for not being able to see you off. You'll be away for a month or two?"

"A month probably, but who knows. I don't even have a clear itinerary mapped out."

"Hey, no one's pressuring you…oh but does Indra have a trace on you?"

"She told me that I should write but only if I wanted to. Take note, operative word is 'should'." Lexa stressed then realizing something she breathes in deeply. "Daddy…I'm so scared."

"About what, the trip? You should be careful about dealing with strangers. We both know that I'm not a Liam Neeson if ever you get taken." Her father joked, sensing her apprehension.

"Yeah dad, you can't even memorize his lines from that movie. No, not just the trip, but maybe about life in general? Do you honestly think things will ever get better for me?"

"Hmm…okay…" Her father contemplates at the other end of the line. "Remember in college, when we first took you to your dorm? That was the first time that you were going to be away from us. You were so frightened of the fact that you were rooming with a total stranger and that you'll be sharing a bathroom with all the other girls in the hall. You were very much an introvert growing up and you were too afraid to move outside your box. You functioned around routines, Lexa, we never had a difficult time with you. You enjoyed the same cheerios for breakfast, you watched episodes of the same cartoons over and over again, and you wore the same jumper every time we went to the park. So, the thought of so many new things was very terrifying for you." Her dad paused for a bit to emphasize his question. "Remember what I told you then?"

"Yeah, you told me to think of myself as air in a balloon." Lexa rolled her eyes as she recounted her father's complicated metaphor.

"Go on…"

"That as more air streams into the balloon, it expands slowly, it becomes bigger. Then at a certain point, it will contain enough air until the balloon takes flight. Then once it reaches a certain height in the atmosphere, it will pop and suddenly all the air once contained in the balloon will mix into the atmosphere and its boundaries will become limitless."

"Did you get the point of my metaphor?"

"Yes dad, now I am more open to people and I made a lot of friends after that."

"Yup, you made friends with your roommate and then you extended your social sphere with the other girls at the dorm. Then, you made friends with your peers and after a year, you had more friends than Titus. Then after college, you went to places that I've never been to before and met a lot of people from different backgrounds and to think that I'm the geographer in the family." Her dad cackled.

"Yeah, all of that was because of your advice, dad. But what if somehow, I end up being completely alone in the end? The balloon gets burst from all the pressure you know and it even ends up killing creatures at sea!" Lexa was back to her cynical self.

"Don't be so morbid about life, Alexandria. Then maybe you might or maybe you will…"

"Dad, you're not really helping…"

"No, let me finish. Being married for almost 40 years, probably you'll think that we always depended on each other, mom and I. That may be the case but you want to know what's really scary, Lexa?"

"I'm listening."

"That is if you'll end up realizing how lonely you feel despite being with someone. Then, in fact, being alone might be better. Not that that ever occurred to mom and I, don't get me wrong. Go out on this trip; be comfortable about being all by yourself. Find yourself again. You never did anything alone aside from work when you were with Costia. When you started out, both of you were individual souls, two separate beings. Then, you became one and the same. Now, being apart may feel that you were cut in half, that you may fear about not being able to make yourself whole again. But that is not the case, regain yourself. So, that next time, when the right person comes along, you are another whole not just a fraction of what you once were. That other person shouldn't be there just to put you back together. That person deserves better, you deserve better."

Lexa was in the verge of tears now. She always loved this about her dad, he always knew the right things to say. His words were not just a plot for false assurance but a sensible outlook of what the future may hold.

"Thanks, dad. You always find the right words to say."

"Again, being married for a long time bequests me that wisdom. Now, will you be alright? I believe this has been the most meaningful 20-minute phone call that we had" her dad chuckles.

"I feel much better now. By the way, is mom there?"

"Uhm, she's still at her office but she made sure that I won't forget to call you before you leave."

Passengers of Sky Crew Airlines Flight 3304, this is your boarding call. The airline announcement resounds at the pre-departure area.

"I guess I need to go now, dad. I love you! Tell mom that I love her too!"

"Take good care, dear! Call us when you get to Vietnam and don't forget to bring home some coffee. We love you too!"

Lexa boards the plane in deep contemplation about what her father said. For his track record, he was typically right about so many things. As a geographer, not only did he know how to map out places and people but he also always found his way around his daughter's mind and heart. In this case, Lexa was always the one lost in her thoughts.

Author's Note:

Thank you for reading, please leave a review. All mistakes are mine.