AN: I'm going to post two chapters today. I'm on a timeline to get this entire story published and I've fallen behind, LOL! I hope you enjoy these next couple chapters.

Chapter 9

Henry sat at the small table in their drab two bedroom apartment. His books were spread across the table and to say he was overwhelmed didn't begin to cover it. He buried his head in his hands and tried to figure out just what the hell he'd been thinking.

He was only taking twelve hours this semester. Four classes. It was supposed to be an easier load since the baby would be coming just after midterms (ideally). Yet, he was stretched thin. He had been terribly naive about the amount of time it would take to excel in college the same way he had excelled in high school. Then add to that, the demands of ROTC, his work study job and pulling his share of the household chores and even as he laundry listed those things in his head, he knew those things weren't really the problem. The problem was that he missed Elizabeth.

They had planned their schedules so that they had no overlapping classes. He had morning classes on Monday, Wednesday and Friday. Then afternoon classes on Tuesday and Thursday. Hers were the exact opposite. It was so that they wouldn't have to figure out child care for the baby, but they failed to take into account the fact that they would never see each other. Their apartment was far enough away from the academic buildings that it wasn't feasible to walk home between classes, so once they left, they were out for half of the day. They spent their time between classes at the library. By the time Elizabeth was coming back from her classes, he was on the way out the door.

He'd just read the same page three times and had no idea what it said. Frustrated, he packed up his things for his afternoon classes and checked the clock before leaving. Elizabeth should be at the library. Maybe they could spend some time together before his class.

He searched around the various seating areas and was just about to give up when he heard her laugh. Henry made his way to an out of the way pair of chairs in the stacks and stopped short when he saw Elizabeth sitting and laughing with some guy.

Anger and jealousy surged through his veins. The rational part of him said it was nothing but a conversation between two people. She had told him about a few people she'd met. A couple were guys. It probably no big deal.

The exhausted, mentally strained and terribly lonely part of Henry fed his insecurity. He knew that they didn't love each other, at least not like that, but they were still married. Didn't that mean something? It did to him. He wanted to go up and yell and scream, fight the guy, or something. He also wanted to crawl into a corner and cry. Seeing her be so friendly with someone else hurt him in a way that he couldn't explain.

He backed away and left the library. He guessed he didn't really need to see her after all. Classes moved at a snail's pace and Henry wasn't focused at all on the lectures. His mind just kept playing back to the guy in the chair sitting next to his wife, making her laugh.

Usually he stayed and studied a couple hours after his last class of the day so he could get a head start on whatever needed to be done. Today, though he walked straight home. When he opened the door, Elizabeth was sitting at the table where he had been sitting only a few hours ago.

"Henry, you're home early." Elizabeth scooted back from the table. "I thought you'd be later. I haven't started dinner yet, but I can now."

"Don't bother," he muttered, causing Elizabeth to make a worried face.

"Is something wrong? Are you feeling okay?" she asked.

Henry wanted to lash out, to accuse her of being "unfaithful" with that other guy, to ask what she thought she was doing. He wanted to, but he couldn't, or wouldn't. "I'm not sick. Are you interested in someone else?" He was a little annoyed that his voice betrayed him. He sounded upset and scared rather than pissed off.

Elizabeth's face filled with confusion. "No, why? What an odd question to ask."

"I just missed you today and I went to find you in the library so we could spend some time together, and you were sitting with some guy and you looked-" Henry realized that he may sound foolish at this point, but he couldn't help what he saw. "You looked happy, like you were enjoying the guy's company. You don't look that way with me any more."

Elizabeth stood quietly for a moment before she moved across the room to Henry. "That guy is just some guy in one of my classes. We sat together so we could talk through this one thing he didn't understand and then he was telling me about another class he had with the same professor. It was nothing. Really, like a five minute conversation and I spent the rest of the afternoon studying. Actually, I wish you had come up and I would've introduced you. Then we could've spent time together."

"This is a lot harder than I thought it would be," Henry said, collapsing on the couch.

Elizabeth sat down beside him. "Yeah," she sighed. "How sorry are you that you did this?" She looked at Henry and when he looked back at her, he saw the fear he felt reflected back at him. "Was it selfish of me to tell you? Do you wish that you'd never known?"

"Sorry? I'm not sorry. I just didn't realize how hard it would be. It sounded workable when we planned it this summer. And now…" he trailed off, lost in thought.

Henry was pulled back to the present when Elizabeth squeezed his hand, "Look," she whispered. He looked over to see Elizabeth's belly shift from one side to the other. He grinned and placed his hand on a spot that was raised. It immediately dropped and he felt a kick.

"How often does that happen?" he asked, his eyes wide with wonder.

"Oh, it's pretty active now and then a few other times during the day, like 3am and just when I'm about to fall asleep again at 5am." Elizabeth rested her hand on top of his, and held it there as their baby squirmed beneath them. "Are you ever scared?" She looked up at him, her eyes filled with tears. "What if we can't do it?"

"I don't know. Would you consider adoption now?" Henry felt the bottom drop out of his stomach even as he said it. He didn't think he could.

"Your dad said no. He said that he and your mom would take the baby before allowing us to give it up."

Henry couldn't hide his shock. "What? When did he say that?"

"The first night when you told him."

"Really?" Henry was speechless.

"I know you don't get along with your dad, but he's not a bad guy. The two of you are just very different in how you process things. And honestly, you don't want to try and see his point of view anymore than he wants to see yours. If either of you actually did that, you might find that you are much more alike than you thought." Henry looked at her and rolled his eyes, causing her to laugh. He rarely did things like that.

Their eyes met and her laugh trailed off, she swallowed hard and her stomach fluttered. She felt the warmth spread up her face and she knew she was flushed. Struggling, she pushed herself off the couch. "I'm going to make dinner now."

She spent the next half hour making up things to do in their tiny kitchen, adjacent to the living room She knew he was watching her, although he had several books stacked up on the coffee table and flipped through them. Elizabeth finally turned her back to him. What the hell am I doing? You absolutely are not falling in love. I will not allow you to do it. The inner battle waged on and Elizabeth closed her eyes and tried to steady her breaths. She was about to cry and desperately didn't want to. Not about this and not in front of him. She drained the pasta and let him know it was finished. "I'm not feeling so hot. I'm going to go lay down." She saw his concerned expression, but didn't acknowledge it, instead slipping into the bedroom. She changed into sweats and a t-shirt and climbed into the middle of the bed, covering her head with a pillows, finally letting her tears fall.

Henry sat alone at the table, pushing his pasta around. He didn't know what was going on. He had been off and then something was definitely going on with Elizabeth. It was unusually quiet and he had just thought that when he heard the muffled sob come from the bedroom. Immediately, he jumped from the chair and rushed in. Elizabeth was curled up on her side, with a pillow over her head, silently shaking. He went and sat down next to her, pulling the pillow away from her face. "Go a-a-away," she stuttered between sobs.

"Babe, talk to me. What's wrong?" Henry attempted to pull her into his arms, but she pulled back away.

"Look. We are never going to be anything but friends."

"Wait. Is that what this is about? You're afraid of us becoming more?"

"I thought we could just stay friends. I don't want more. It can't be more." Henry had never seen her so upset, even in the early days, when they had no idea what they were going to do.

"Why? We're married. It doesn't have to be more, but why would it be bad if it was?"

"It just would be." Elizabeth could see how her words hurt Henry, and she wanted to make it better, but couldn't. "Love and I just don't go together." She rolled herself to the edge of the bed away from Henry. "Please. Leave me alone." Henry waited for a few more minutes and when she said no more, he left her alone.

Over the next few weeks, things were strained. Elizabeth still refused to allow Henry to attend any of her doctor appointments, which upset him, but he didn't know how to address things with her. In the past, it seemed to him that she came around in her own time. But when she was keeping her distance from him, Henry didn't know what to do. They moved in the same space like strangers and Henry was at a loss, but he knew something needed to be done.

It was the Monday evening after midterms and Elizabeth was due in four days. She left the library as late as possible to avoid Henry. She walked slowly, both because she was exhausted and she wanted to delay arriving at home. Elizabeth had no idea what she was doing at this point. She was miserable, both physically and emotionally. By the time she got to the building, her side was aching and she was in tears. She sat down on the front step, unable to make it any further. The cold October evening air, nipped at her exposed skin, but she just couldn't make herself care.

Inside the apartment, Henry tried to keep calm. He forced himself not to worry until the library closed at ten. By 10:15, he was pacing. Where is she? At 10:30, he couldn't take it anymore and headed out to find Elizabeth. Flying out the door, Henry nearly tripped on her, still sitting at the bottom of the steps. "My God, Babe. Are you okay? What's going on? Are you hurt? Is it the baby?" Henry rattled out questions far too fast for Elizabeth to even process them, much less form answers. She just looked at him and he could see the wet trails the tears had made running down her cheeks. "Come on," he said, scooping her up in his arms. She wanted to argue that she was fine and she didn't need him, but that would have been a lie and they both knew it.

Within a few moments, he placed her carefully on the couch and went back outside to retrieve her things. She had barely closed her eyes when he was back, kneeling in front of her. "Elizabeth, you have to talk to me. We cannot keep doing this. Let me in."

"I can't. Don't you see? I can't love you." She turned her head away from him, ashamed, because she knew that he loved her and it was so upsetting that she couldn't return his love. Henry gave her a hurt and confused look, and it broke her heart. "You don't understand. It's me. Everyone I've loved, I've lost. My grandparents, my parents, even Will and Aunt Joan. I don't want to lose you, so if I don't love you, then you can stay. You can love our baby and I can just-be."

"But it's too late Elizabeth. We already love each other. I'm not going anywhere. I swear to God I won't leave you. Let me love our baby." Henry placed his hands on either side of her head, tilting it up so she had to look at him. He spoke with deep conviction. "Let me take care of you. Let me love you."

"But, the loss. It hurts so much. I can't do it again. I couldn't go on if you-"

"It hurts more than pretending you don't love someone? Because I know that can't make you feel good." She shook her head. She didn't know what to think. "It's time we're honest. I love you Elizabeth McCord, and not just like a friend. You are my best friend and I love you for that, but these past few weeks, with you not being present with me have been some of the worst weeks of my life. I need you. I can't imagine my life without you. I want nothing more than to build my entire life with you at the center. Let me give that to you. You deserve to be loved. You deserve to be surrounded by people who love you. But you have to be willing to accept it."

Thoughts raced through Elizabeth's head. Numerous funerals and cemeteries. Her mother standing in her bedroom door and then walking away for the last time. Will shuffling back and forth telling her that he wouldn't be at her graduation. Her sitting in the McCord living room listening to Aunt Joan call her every name she could think of and several more she'd never thought to consider. And then there was Henry. Henry who held her when she cried outside the abortion clinic, when he thought that she had the abortion. He had held her even though he was against it. Henry who defended her honor at every turn. Henry, who upended his life plans to make sure hers wouldn't be annihilated.

She finally looked up at him and his concern almost broke her. "I don't know how."

"Let me teach you," he whispered against her lips.