AN: Happy Thursday! im sitting in the airport waiting for my flight to spend the weekend with my MSec girls. Happy to Mother's Day to me!

Chapter 11

Henry was pacing the living room, gently bouncing Benny in his arms trying to decide what he could do to fix this situation. Benny was now three weeks old and the first few days had been fine. Elizabeth had a lot of tearing and was very sore and slow to get around, but it seemed that after the first week, it was starting to get a little better. She still hadn't returned to classes, but her professors were very understanding and as long as she followed the syllabi for her courses, she could pop back into class when she was ready. Elizabeth had been an exemplary student up to the day she had the baby, so Henry felt the leniency was deserved, and he knew she would do the work.

They had discussed and decided before Benny was born that they would bottle feed him. Henry contended that because he would have the baby for half of the time, it would put an undue burden on Elizabeth to have to pump milk for when she was away. But once she was at the hospital, the nursing staff convinced her to give breastfeeding a try, and it was working well, so Elizabeth wanted to stick with it. She argued that it would save money and help her lose all the weight she'd gained over the course of the pregnancy. Henry didn't think she'd have much trouble losing weight anyway as active as she was, but he certainly wasn't going to tell her no. Things had been going well.

Then the middle of the second week hit, and everything started to unravel. Elizabeth became withdrawn and didn't want to get out of bed. She didn't talk more than she absolutely had to. Her eyes grew sunken and her skin seemed to take on a gray tint. It was almost like she was withering away before his eyes. Still, she completed her classwork and Henry found it in a pile on the corner of her dresser every morning. He took it with him and delivered it to her professors. That was the way they'd been operating for the last week, until today. Benny woke early and Henry got up with him, changed his diaper and his clothes and brought him to Elizabeth to nurse. She said nothing, but pulled Benny close, so he could latch on and stared at the wall. Henry was at a loss. Each day, Elizabeth seemed to be slipping farther away. Henry found no work on her dresser. When he asked, she didn't acknowledge the question. He went to the kitchen and made her some toast and brought it back, sitting it next to the bed. "I'll be back soon."

Henry left, although, he had a nagging feeling. He wasn't sure what he could do to change or even help the situation. He went to his first class. Normally, he would take the hour between his classes to go to the library and get some work done, but he felt compelled to go back to check on Elizabeth. He heard Benny crying from the downstairs door. Dashing up the steps and into the apartment, he found them both where he left them. He scooped Benny up. He had a dirty diaper, which Henry changed and swaddled him. As he bounced him, Benny settled and fell asleep against Henry's chest. Once he put Benny down, he went to Elizabeth. She was still staring at the wall. Frustrated, he left, slamming the door behind him.

Elizabeth couldn't move. She just stared at the same place on the wall, the one she'd been staring at for days. She couldn't explain why, but she felt like there was a weight that was constantly pressing down on her. It prevented her from moving, from caring, from being. The first few days, she blamed her hormones, but everything should be better now, but as each day passed, she felt more hopeless.

Henry needed to leave if he was going to make his next class, but he looked at Benny sleeping in the bassinet in the living room and he thought of Elizabeth in the other room. He didn't think she was in a position to take care of him if he should wake. Quickly, Henry pulled one of the bottles out of the cabinet that they had never used and filled it with warm water. He shoved it in his backpack along with a baby formula sample they had been given at the hospital, a diaper and the package of wipes. He scooped the baby up and put him in his carseat. "Elizabeth," he called. "I'm taking Benny to class with me. We'll see you in a bit."

She heard Henry. His voice seemed so far away. Taking Benny. She briefly wondered where, but couldn't make that thought go any further. She just let the weight take her.

Henry was trudging back across campus. He hadn't noticed how cumbersome the car seat was when he just walked it to the car, but trekking across campus was an entirely different matter.

"It's Henry, right?" Henry startled and looked over his shoulder. A young woman, probably three or so years older than himself closed the distance between them. "I'm Sarah. I met Elizabeth a couple months ago. My husband, David, and I live on the third floor." She glanced down at the car seat where Benny was completely covered to protect him from the November cold. "I've seen you from afar, but never had the chance to introduce myself. You on duty this morning?"

"Yeah," Henry forced a smile. It wasn't that he disliked this person, but he just had a lot on his plate, and exchanging pleasantries with someone wasn't very appealing.

"If you're going to be doing this very often, I suggest you get a baby carrier so you can wear the baby on your chest. It's a million times easier than packing the beast of a car seat around. In fact, we still have ours from Stuart. He's too big for it now. If you want, you can come up and get it. It's a lifesaver. I promise.'

"Uh, thanks. I may just do that." Henry smiled. It was genuine this time. Once inside, he pulled the cover away from Benny's face. Sarah was smitten and made a comment about growing up too fast.

"304," she said, as she headed up the next flight of stairs leaving Henry and Benny at their door. Then she disappeared from sight.

Luckily, Benny had slept the whole time and was just now rousing, ready to eat again. Henry took him into Elizabeth, who hadn't moved since early that morning. Cradling Benny in one arm, he sat on the edge of the bed next to Elizabeth. "Baby, what's wrong? I want to help. I just don't know how. Tell me how to fix it, to make you you again." She said nothing. "Benny needs to eat. Do you want to feed him or do you want me to give him a bottle?"

Inwardly, Elizabeth wanted nothing more than to sit up and hug Henry and tell him that she'd be alright. She would take Benny into her arms and feed him and watch him and love him. That's what she wanted to do, but she was unable to make herself do anything. Finally, Henry squeezed her arm and left the room with a whimpering Benny. And another level of despair enveloped her.

It was the third day Elizabeth hadn't done any work when Henry made a decision for the both of them. She wasn't able to do the work, so he'd do it for her. He wasn't quite as eloquent as she was, but he'd been proofreading and critiquing her papers all semester. Henry thought he had a handle on her writing style, at least he hoped so. For the next three weeks, Henry muddled through, trying to be there for both her and Benny. He did pick up the carrier from Sarah and that was life changing. Most of the time, Benny never woke up. Henry fed him before he left and again between classes. He slept snuggled up on Henry's chest during lectures and hours spent at the library studying. When he got home, he pulled Elizabeth from the bed, mostly sitting her in the chair in the living room with the TV on. He'd tried to take her outside for some fresh air, but that proved to be logistically difficult to manage both of them at once, so Henry settled for moving a chair in front of the window and cracking it a bit.

Henry paced the apartment at 3am the Monday before Thanksgiving. Benny was awake and didn't want to be put down. "No wonder," Henry thought. "I carry him half of the day.' Henry was exhausted. Elizabeth's six week appointment was on Tuesday afternoon and then they were supposed to be driving to Pittsburgh to be with his family for the holiday. Henry honestly wasn't sure he could make it. He'd been burning both ends of the candle for the last month. He would do it again in a heartbeat, but he just wanted Elizabeth back. He'd seen glimpses. Over the weekend, she got up and showered and rocked Benny back to sleep that morning, but by afternoon, she'd slipped back to wherever it was she went and she hadn't been back since.

Henry blew off his Tuesday classes and stayed at home to pack and get Elizabeth ready. By the time they all sat in the OB's office, Henry was ready to collapse. If it hadn't been for the promise of help that his parents' house held, he probably would have refused to go. But, the idea that someone else would ease the burden for just a bit, was enough incentive to go in spite of his exhaustion.

"McCord," Marissa called.

Henry stood, picking up a sleeping Benny, still strapped in the car seat, and Elizabeth remained staring off into space. Henry placed his hand on her head, rubbing over her forehead with his thumb, "Babe. We have to go back." Elizabeth slowly nodded and started to rise. Henry was quick to take her by the elbow and help lead her to the back.

"How are we doing today?" Marissa asked, using a chipper conversational tone.

"We're getting along," Henry replied, unsure whether it was appropriate for him to spill his guts in the middle of the hallway.

Marissa looked curiously at Elizabeth. "Let's get you weighed, shall we?" Looks like you're well below what you were when you first started coming here. Do you know what your pre-pregnancy weight was?" Elizabeth shook her head slightly. Henry exhaled thankfully. He was glad she was at least responding to their questions.

They went into the room and Marissa instructed Elizabeth to take off her clothes and put the gown on and then left. Elizabeth just started at the gown that the nurse had thrust into her hand. "Let me help," Henry said. He slipped her sweater off her shoulders and unbuttoned her shirt. He made a pile of discarded clothing at the end of the table. Her bra was next. He wondered if she would do that herself, but she made no movement to that effect, so Henry removed it quickly and slid the gown up and over her shoulders, covering her once more.

He unbuttoned her jeans, and they came down rather easily now that she'd lost so much weight. He hooked his fingers in her panties and drug them down her legs as well. He quickly tied the gown strings and held her hand, helping her to step out of her pants. For the first time since the first week they brought Benny home, Elizabeth fell into Henry's arms, asking for his embrace. "I'm sorry, " she whispered, and he felt her tears run down his neck, wetting the collar of the shirt he wore.

"Don't be. I'm always here for you," he whispered back. "But I want nothing more than to get you back. I miss you."

"Me too," she murmured.

Their reverie was disrupted by the door opening and Dr. Brooke entering. She frowned slightly, but her expression went blank instantly. "Hi guys. How's our baby boy doing?" she asked.

"He's doing great," Henry said, tipping the carseat up so Dr. Brooke could see his face.

"What a sweetie!" she praised, before her tone turned serious. "And how's mama doing?" She looked Elizabeth over, already knowing the answer. "It's pretty tough right now?"

Elizabeth wanted nothing more than to space out and hope Henry would talk for her, but when she glanced over at him, he stepped a bit closer and held her hand. He wasn't going to let her off this time. She took a deep breath and tried her best to make her thoughts coherent. "I don't know what's wrong with me. I haven't been able to function well." She kept her head down, not wanting the see the judgment in the doctor's eyes. She should be fine by now. She should be back in class. She should still be nursing Benny. She should be back to normal. The "shoulds" just kept coming. "The truth is that I'm not functioning at all."

The doctor asked Elizabeth a series of questions and diagnosed her with postpartum depression. Dr. Brooke gave her a list of therapists that she could go see and also wrote her a prescription for an antidepressant. To be cautious, she also ordered a couple blood tests to rule out a thyroid issue. The doctor explained that general hormone shifts that happen once a baby is born can cause mood swings, trouble sleeping and some lows, generally described as baby blues.

"When it goes beyond a couple weeks after the baby is born or the patient experiences extreme lows over a longer period of time, medical intervention is usually necessary. It's usually short term and will usually resolve itself within six months," Dr. Brooke informed them. Henry felt guilty for not trying more actively to figure out the problem. He could've brought Elizabeth in sooner and she could have received help earlier and not had to go through all of this. Elizabeth squeezed his hand and he looked at her. She was thinking the same thing he was. If only she had known.

Elizabeth had healed well and her stitches dissolved, so she was cleared physically. Dr. Brooke wanted to see her back in two weeks to see how the medication was working and if she had seen a therapist. Henry was happy that part was added because he thought Elizabeth would fight back on the need to see someone to talk things out. He didn't think that would be her go to strategy.

They left hand in hand, heading straight to the pharmacy to fill the prescription of Xanax before leaving town. After feeding Benny and grabbing lunch themselves, they headed out toward Pittsburgh. Henry had been worried about falling asleep on the drive, but the relief that flowed through him was enough to help him easily drive straight through, especially with Elizabeth and Benny sleeping the whole way.

Henry barely got the car in park before Erin was out the door and down the sidewalk welcoming them. She took Benny into the house and Shane met them to get their bags. Henry followed with Elizabeth, who was slow to wake up and slower getting into the house. She started in the living room, but within the hour, it became obvious, to Henry at least, that Elizabeth needed to go upstairs. He didn't even need to ask because she was struggling to pull herself up as he stood. He helped Elizabeth up the stairs and gave her a second dose of Xanax and sent her off to bed.

Evelyn was waiting at the bottom of the stairs when he returned. "Is Benny okay?" he asked, taken off guard.

"Benny's fine. It's Elizabeth who's not. How long has she been this way?" Evelyn's voice held authority and was about to cut Henry down for not taking care of her.

"A month, but we saw the doctor today and she prescribed something to help and she's making Elizabeth see someone. It's going to be okay." Henry was surprised that his voice sounded much more sure than he felt.

"Henry, damnit. I talk to you every other day and you didn't think to tell me this was going on? I would've known right away. I'm a nurse for Christ's sake."

"You might have known, but I didn't. And I was just trying to hold it all together until she got better. I don't need you jumping down my throat." He closed his eyes and sat down on the step. "I'm sorry. I didn't mean to snap at you. You're right. I should've said something. I just didn't want to rat her out. She's been through so much and I thought she just needed some time."

Evelyn looked him over. "You look like shit Henry. Go to bed. I've got Benny." She stood and took a couple steps away before turning back. "Do you think Elizabeth would mind if I check to see what they have her on? There are some new things out now. I'm just wondering what they prescribed."

He shrugged. "I think she'd be okay with it. I'll ask though." Henry went and took Benny from Maureen, who had just arrived home. She huffed but said nothing. He showed his mom where Benny's things were and how to make the bottles. Then he gave Benny a squeeze and a kiss on his forehead and handed him back to Maureen before retiring upstairs.

Once he changed, he brushed his teeth and slipped in between the covers next to Elizabeth. He hadn't slept in the same bed with her since the night before Benny was born. He sort of wondered if it would be okay with her, but there wasn't really a place for him to sleep otherwise. It took Henry by surprise when he laid down that she immediately scooted closer, wrapping her arm around his chest and sliding her leg between his, her head on his shoulder, and she slept soundly. Henry listened to her steady breathing for a few minutes before he let go and succumbed to his own exhaustion.

Bright sun shone through the windows of the bedroom as Henry blinked his eyes slowly trying to wake up. When he could finally focus he turned his head to check the clock. "Holy shit," he said. "1 o'clock!" It wasn't until he sat up that he realized that he was in an empty bed. Quickly, he tugged on his sweatpants and t-shirt and headed downstairs. He couldn't believe his eyes when he saw Elizabeth sitting on the couch, holding Benny and smiling. He moved to sit beside her, leaning in to kiss his cheek. She turned her head and caught his mouth, kissing him tenderly.

A chorus of "get a room" came from his siblings, but Henry didn't care. His Elizabeth was back. Even if it was only for a little while, he knew she was still in there and he'd wait however long it took to get her back fully.

"You have morning breath," she giggled.

"You taste like coffee," he countered. "You feel better." It was a statement, not a question, but she nodded as an answer anyway.

"Your mom said that for the first four days, I'm getting a very strong dose and then it looks like they are slowly going to take me down to a regular dose over the next week. Maybe taking so much at once is why I feel like me again."

"Maybe, but I don't care about the why or the how. I'm just so happy to know that the Elizabeth I fell in love with is still in there somewhere."

"I love you Henry," she said, kissing him again, and in that moment, Henry had no rebuttal. He was completely at her mercy