Chapter 12: Unrest

""There's always a period of curious fear between the first sweet-smelling breeze and the time when the rain comes cracking down."

Don Delillo

Lexa tosses and turns from her twin bed, it was already close to dawn. She looked at her watch from her bedside table and saw that it was already 2:30 in the morning. In the darkness of their shared room, Clarke was snoring softly on her own twin bed. Sure, they had a few drinks in and Clarke must had been awfully tired but Lexa was so amused to find out that this girl could snore quite a bit. She first noticed this several nights past when she would wake up in the middle of the evening to pee, she could hear Clarke wheezing softly. Lexa thought that with all the hiking that they had done the previous days, Clarke's body must have given in completely into a deep snuffling slumber. Lexa was not used to this, she thought that she might not get enough sleep being around Clarke. You see, Costia was not much of a snorer, so Lexa was typically used to the hush of the evening. But Clarke was not too loud either, not to the point that it was annoying. On the other hand, Lexa even found Clarke's rhythmic wheezing to be a bit comforting. It somehow made her feel safe, knowing that someone is around and that someone has put her guard down beyond all pretentions.

She spent quite a pleasant evening with the girl; since Clarke shared about her recent sudden break-up with Bellamy, claiming that the relationship was not "serious to begin with", Lexa was a bit prompted to share about her own past. In the middle of an anecdote about a lobster and a stressful waiter, Lexa suddenly realized that after all this time, she had finally talked about Costia without any resentment or soreness. Maybe she was already passed the stage of anger and was finally building acceptance of her situation, finally understanding that her relationship with Costia was essential for her to be able to grow and fixate less about certain things in life. On the other hand, Clarke was doing a good job in keeping things together. After finding out about her past with Murphy and then her recent plunge with Bellamy, Lexa realized that Clarke was masking much of her pain. Clarke admitted that agreeing to an open relationship might have been her lowest point. With all their musings that evening, Lexa gathered one important thing- that at this point, in the most uncertain juncture of her life, she was somehow infatuated.

Yes, "infatuated" is how Lexa would describe her current predicament while she stared at Clarke's back as she slept on the other side of the room. At this point, Lexa thought of how the corners of Clarke's eyes would wrinkle as she laughed, how she would slightly pucker her lips when she's in deep thought and how she would casually hold onto Lexa's arms whenever they walk side by side. In such a short time, in such a fleeting moment, yes, infatuation may be the right narrative for Lexa. So, that is probably why she was tossing and turning at such an ungodly hour.

Lexa jumped quietly from her bed, she needed reassurance or even perhaps a devil's advocate. She fumbled for her phone and got to the messaging application, she considered calling Anya but realized that there was no time difference between Thailand and Cambodia. She would be seeing Anya the following day, but Clarke has decided to tag along, and it would be imprudent if Anya was not informed that she was with company. So, she decided to leave her an email instead, knowing that Anya usually takes her time to contemplate over serious situations concerning her friends despite being rash with some decisions such as moving to another country or moving in with someone. Lexa typed furiously in her phone, sharing details and maybe withholding some incidents to make sure that Anya takes her seriously. Upon recognizing that she has thrown enough questions to Anya to ponder on, Lexa looked into her messaging application. She noted that there was a twelve-hour difference between Cambodia and the US- so she was left with only one person who was still at work at this unreasonable hour in Cambodia.

It was 2:45 in the afternoon from where he sat, several beams of light scatter through his office window. The newly installed faux Shoji screens blocked the afternoon sun through the balcony. He was working at his studio in his apartment, he was working from home. Several magazines and coffee table books were scattered all over the top of Noguchi coffee table flanked by two Ven der Rohe Barcelona chairs in black leather and Nelson Coconut chairs also in dark leather. On the opposite end of the room was a wide dining table with a glass top and metal legs lined with four Tulip chairs on each side. His apartment was like a mini museum filled with designer furniture and artworks of contemporary artists. Titus was anxiously seated in the darkest corner of the room; his paperwork was spread across the dining table. He was browsing through his mobile phone, looking into old digital images of himself with Lexa during an exhibit opening, another one with Anya and Lexa taken during one of their yoga classes, and of Gustus, it was taking the morning after they decided to start dating exclusively- but that was eons ago- why did he even have this photo anyway? Titus played around with the wooden stirrer he had in his hand, his coffee was cold now, he was seated in this mindful state for several hours.

Titus was already in this troubled state even before Lexa left for her sabbatical. He was trying to keep himself together- this matter is not something that he could just casually bring up to Lexa. Since his break-up with Gustus, Titus dreaded the "I told you so" and the "You'll never find anyone else like him" from Lexa. Gustus tried, but Titus could not just let him suffer, the entire break-up was on him. These past few weeks, he was at his loneliest. It started with his sudden loss of sexual interest- he thought he was probably just starting to feel guilty. He needed to get utterly wasted to be functional for someone, most of these encounters he couldn't even recall. His actions felt repetitive; work, get to a bar, meet someone, go home, sex, get up and then work, the cycle continued. Then suddenly there were the midday headaches, probably due to pressures at work, his lack of caffeine intake, nothing a painkiller won't get rid of. He reminded himself that he should hire a new carpenter for the installation soon, the last one did an awful job, this probably caused his anxiety. Then, there were also nights of sweating profusely in his sleep, even at times when the AC was in full blast, it was probably his anxiety recurring. Then when the nausea and the vomiting happened four nights ago, Titus started to feel worried. He learned that there were self-tests from the internet but this was something that he couldn't do by himself. His suspicions are probably not even thoughts that he should entertain right now. He was one top of his game now, he's thriving, probably in most aspects of his life. He could not just march to a health facility and eventually verify or in a better light find out more about his suspicions. He badly needs a voice of reason beside him now but what if he does figure out the truth of his health condition? Will he be able to handle it? Then, as timely as it could get, the phone in his hand chimes.

A message from Lexa:

Are you still at work? Can I talk to you?

Titus replies with a short but sincere:

Yes.

Afterwards, his phone vibrates to signal an incoming call from Lexa.

"Hey, is this a good time?" Lexa was speaking in a very soft tone.

"This is the right time",Titus was thankful to hear his best friend's voice.

"Are you missing me enough?"

"Well, since you're calling now, probably, not enough anymore".

"I've missed you too" Lexa whispers sweetly, for Titus this was a bit bittersweet. He knew his friend called him because she needed him but if only she knew how much he needs her now.

"Anyway, remember how I called you from Hanoi and told you about this enigma of a girl?"

"Yeah, you said you met her at the theatre."

"Well, we're sort of travelling together now, we're at Cambodia."

"My, my, you move fast dear Lexa. So, how was it? Is she any good? Better than Costia?"Titus knew that Lexa was not that sort, she was nothing like him. Lexa was one of the most loyal people he knew. After what Costia did to Lexa, he was so surprised that Lexa is still talking to him. But clearly, she took Gustus' side during their break-up but Titus knew that Lexa was already family, there was nothing more that he could do that could easily drive the girl away. Lexa was a fierce friend, she accepted Titus for his flaws but remained authentic enough to call his ways bullshit. So, if he stops kidding and takes this seriously, Lexa would be able to see right through him, to suspect his worriedness. Hence, some sexual insinuation is essential in their conversation.

"It's not like that Ty" He noted the endearment, this was a serious matter "To cut the long story short, have you ever met someone who makes things seem rather easy?"

"Well, there were a lot of 'easy guys'…"Titus joked but he knew what Lexa meant. Of course, he knew that feeling, he had it with Gus. He was at his most vulnerable, yet also at his strongest with him. His defenses were down; he was shy at times, admitted his faults, felt that he did not need to keep appearances, being with him was indeed "easy".

"No, not like that, you know what I mean" Titus could feel the earnestness in Lexa's voice. Of course, he knew how to read her. Lexa was possibly enraptured once again but with her motivation to move on, this occurrence may be off timing if this happens so soon.

"Lexa, you took that trip to make things happen. So, right now, I don't really understand what you're fussing about? Just savor the moment until it lasts"

"What if I've gotten the wrong signals?"

"Well, you can be a bit oblivious at times you know. Okay, is she single as of the moment? Is she sharing the same room with you? Does she listen intently to your lengthy monologues and turns it into a dialogue?"

"She was in an open relationship when I met her, she was with a guy but they went separate ways and she asked to join me. They broke up yesterday in a phone call. Yes, we are sharing a room but with separate beds…"

"Alright, just let me stop you right there. She did what? Did you just say that she broke up with her boyfriend after she met you?"

"Yeah, but I suppose it was due to a different reason or circumstance…the guy cheated on her when he went away…"

"Okay, just listen to yourself, Lexa, point is, they broke up when you got into the picture. For whatever reason the break-up was about, the point here is that they broke up. She's single now, probably confused, maybe not baffled anymore and she's with you. Now, what's the problem here?"

"I think I'm into her, Ty"

"Then, pardon the language but get 'into' her. I'm not saying to jump the gun right away, Lex, I know you. But just stop worrying for a while and just let things be. Just see where this goes, promise me, you won't overthink?"

"Alright, I'll stop overthinking. Thank you for answering my call, I've been restless earlier. But I think I'm getting a bit sleepy now, It's 3:00 AM here. How about you? Are you alright?"

"Perfect, in tip top shape" Titus lied. He then heard a soft yawn from the other end of the line.

"That's good to hear! I think I'm a bit sleepy now, we need to catch an early ride to Thailand tomorrow. I'll be seeing Anya soon; I'll call again when I get there" Lexa managed to say in between yawns.

"Alright then, give Anya my regards. I'll see you soon then" Titus wanted to talk more but as it appears, Lexa was calmer now and was probably falling asleep already.

"Bye, Ty, l'll see you soon. Thank you for listening".

"Goodbye" With a click, Titus terminates the phone call.

Things will probably go well for Lexa. With this realization, he then dials another number in his phone and proceeds to make an appointment at the nearest clinic.