A/N: Hey Hey my faithful readers! Yes I know it took me a while to get this chapter out. Life's been busy and I've been tired lol, so this chapter is a little shorter than I wanted it to be. Don't worry, the next chapter will be longer. This chapter picks up from right where we left off. Enjoy!
Chapter 9: Plums and Oranges
"Your mother invited us over for dinner." Regina said casually as Emma rushed into the kitchen.
"Regina, please tell me that you didn't tell my mom what I said." Emma begged.
Regina waved her off and smirked. "Oh dear, do you really think I'd run and tell your mother every little thing you do?"
Emma glared at her fiancée and crossed her arms.
"Normally? No. But having my parents talk to me about sex? It's too evil of an act for you to pass up."
Regina smiled. "Touché dear. I guess we'll see, but do you really think I'd do such an evil act to the love of my life?" Regina purred, with all the seduction of a queen.
Emma faltered for a bit but she caught herself before Regina could catch it. The blonde sauntered up to the brunette and pulled her in by the waist, their foreheads touching.
"Maybe, maybe not. But if I go down, I'm taking you with me." Emma said.
"Well if you go down, I'll definitely enjoy it." Regina said with a wink.
Emma smirked and leaned forward to nibble on Regina's ear. "Madam Mayor, you have no idea what I'm capable of." She whispered her voice full of sex.
Emma's voice made Regina weak in the knees. She felt a familiar heat in her stomach and dampness between her legs. "Well Sheriff, how about you give me a very thorough example of what you're capable of." Regina said huskily.
Emma lifted the brunette onto the counter, while kissing her neck gently. "As you wish, my Queen." Emma nibbled Regina's neck causing the brunette to moan softly.
"What. The. Hell. Did you guys honestly forget I was sitting here?!"
Hearing her son's voice, Regina quickly pushed Emma away and jumped off the counter, fixing her hair and clothes.
"Henry! When did you get there?" Regina asked slightly out of breath.
"I've been here! I literally just watched you call Grandma. We were just talking about dinner! Were you guys seriously about to have sex?! On the counter?!" Henry responded in disgust and shock.
"Yes." Emma responded, extremely irritated.
"No!" Regina retorted, sending Emma a glare.
"Cockblock." Emma mumbled.
"EMMA!" Regina slapped her fiancée's arm.
"Ma, it was more of a vag-block if you wanna be accurate about it." Henry countered with a smirk.
"Henry!" Regina's head snapped in the direction of her son.
Henry rolled his eyes, "I'm just saying, keep it in your pants when I'm sitting right here."
"Well, technically we have to keep it in our pants because we can't actually like, pull it out. It isn't exactly easy access when you're wearing pants." Emma said with a smirk.
"Emma!" Regina yelled again.
Henry let out a loud laugh, making his brunette mother glare at him.
"Both of you are ridiculous and need a good talking to. Go get ready for dinner at your Grandparents'. We have to be there in 45 minutes. And make sure you shower." Regina said to Henry.
Henry ran upstairs to get ready, leaving his mothers in the kitchen.
Regina hopped on the counter and pulled Emma by her t-shirt, wrapping her legs around the blonde's waist. The brunette captured Emma's lips with hers in a passionate kiss.
"We have 15 minutes before we get "vag-blocked" again. Let's do Sheriff." Regina purred, making Emma grin goofily.
Snow hasn't stopped talking since Emma and Regina announced their engagement and showed the rings. That was 15 minutes ago.
"It's such a beautiful story! You two are meant to be, and I can't believe it took this long. Regina we're family again! Emma, make sure you treat her right, she's a Queen. Regina, you better treat my little girl right, she's a princess and the Savior. Both of you better treat Henry right." Snow continued rambling on as the group finished their dinner, not noticing the eye rolls and long sighs.
Regina suddenly broke out in a wide smile. "Snow, didn't you need to talk to Emma and Henry about something?"
A look of confusion crossed Henry's face while Emma's eyes widened. No. No. No. She didn't. Emma looked at Regina who still had a smile plastered on her face. She did.
A look of seriousness hit Snow's face. "Ah yes. Henry, Emma, I need to talk to you two." Snow wiped her mouth and pushed herself away from the table to stand. "Let's go into Emma's old room."
Emma and Henry shot Regina worried looks as they followed the short-haired brunette upstairs. Once they were upstairs and seated, Snow took a deep breath, looking as serious as ever.
"So, Regina tells me that you two have some questions about the human body and its sexual workings."
Emma groaned loudly and put her head in her hands. Henry looked completely shocked and uncomfortable.
"Grandma, w-we don't have any questions. We're good." He said quickly.
"Yeah Mom, I had a kid, so I think I know how sex works." Emma said shifting uncomfortably.
Snow held her hand up and shook her head firmly. "She also informed me that you both need a thorough talking to about how sex works and how to respect the idea of such an act. Now let's begin."
Emma and Henry sighed and sat back, awaiting their fate.
"Sex, is a magical, mystical, wonderful, sacred journey. Touching and breathing and heat and fondling, but it's so much more than that. But first, let's talk about the basics. Males, Henry that would be you, and females, Emma that's you, have different set ups."
Snow paused, pulling two plums, a banana, two cantaloupes, and half a peach out of her bag.
"Mom! What are those for?!" Emma exclaimed.
"Shhh. Now, males have a banana and two plums." She said as she handed the three fruits to Henry, "and females have two cantaloupes and half a peach." She then handed the remaining fruits to her daughter.
Henry and Emma looked at each other in horror.
"Now I want you to notice that Henry has very sensitive "fruits". They are damaged easily, especially the plums. Roll those plums around in your hand, Henry."
"Don't do that Henry."
"I'm not doing that Grandma."
Emma and Henry spoke simultaneously.
Snow glared at both of them and spoke sternly. "Roll. The. Plums. Henry."
Henry gulped and begins to roll the plums around in his right hand.
"Good! Now slowly raise the banana in your other hand." Henry did as told. "The banana rising is called an erection. Now Henry, keep that there. Now Emma, those cantaloupes represent the top part of a female, as known as breasts. They come in all shapes and sizes, so let's trade those out for oranges."
Mary Margaret handed Emma the oranges and Emma rolled her eyes.
"Now rub those oranges gently and DO NOT squeeze them."
Emma started juggling the oranges and Henry threw the two plums into her juggling act.
"EMMA! HENRY! THE ORANGES! THE PLUMS! STOP IT! THEY'RE SENSITIVE!" Snow shouted.
"Honestly Mom, I don't think I'll ever be able to eat a banana again." Henry said, as they walked into the mansion, returning from dinner.
Regina had laughed the entire car ride home at Henry and Emma reacting to Snow's sex lecture. And she was still doubled over in laughter.
"Gina stop laughing! My mother said the word "clitoris" and at one point she said, "Emma, you have experience in the vaginal area, please demonstrate to the class the proper tactics to arouse a woman. Please only use one finger. And remember this is a learning experience for Henry." Like what the hell, Regina?! And then she pealed the banana and said, "This is a soft penis. Notice it doesn't have much of an effect on the vagina." And then she proceeded to try and shove the banana into the peach!" Emma exclaimed as she walked in the living room and plopped on the couch.
"Ahhh! Please don't remind me Ma! I'm never having or even thinking about sex for a long time! I'm scarred for life!" Henry yelled as he ran upstairs to his room, causing Regina to laugh harder as she leaned against the back of the couch.
"Regina I can't believe you put us through that. She literally said, and I quote, "There's basically one way to have sex and that's called the missionary position. Anything else is too radical and unsafe. Missionary keeps the mission fun and safe." Like I can take the ridiculous fruits and analogies, but teaching our son that there's only one position for sex? That's where I draw the line Regina." Emma said with a huff.
Regina's laughter finally died down and she sat down on the couch next to the blonde.
"Don't worry dear, we'll give him a proper talking to. But I am glad that you know what you're doing in the bedroom. And I promise I'll never put you through that again. But you have to admit it was hilarious." Regina said with a smirk.
Emma looked at her fiancée w/ a glare. "Once again, babe, we have a very different sense of humor."
"Oh come on Em. If I was in your position you'd still be on the floor laughing, as I sat in agony." Regina said, shoving Emma's shoulder.
"Okay, that's true. Now THAT would be hilarious." Emma said with a smirk, as she thought about Regina being in her situation.
They sat in a comfortable silence for quite a while, both caught up in their thoughts.
"Regina…baby…I need to talk to you about something." Emma said after a while.
Hearing the seriousness in the blonde's voice, Regina's heart sped up and she swallowed nervously. "Okay, I'm listening."
"We're getting married. I'm excited about that. And I don't wanna seem pushy or anything because we just got engaged today, but… I need you to promise me something. Promise me that when we finally start planning the wedding you won't over work yourself and get too stressed. Promise me you'll either do mayor stuff or wedding stuff, not try to do both at the same time. Promise me you'll let me help and tell me what you need me to do. Promise me when you work with Belle and Ruby and my Mom, that you won't throw fireballs at them and scare them away. And promise me you'll at least listen to my mother's suggestions." Emma said with a small smile.
Regina chuckled. "And promise me you'll keep your mother's bad ideas away from me. Promise me you'll actually pay attention to the taste of the cakes when we go to choose a wedding cake and not just eat them. Promise me that you'll give your input and won't just agree with everything to try and make me happy. Promise me we'll help each other keep these promises."
Emma grinned and kissed Regina's forehead. "I promise, Gina."
"I promise too, Em. But hypothetically, if your mother does get out of line, what would you have me to do? Because I can become very creative when I need to." Regina said with a hint of a smile.
Emma threw her head back with a laugh. "Have I ever told you how much I love you?"
Regina grinned widely and pecked the blonde on the cheek. "I love you too, my love."
A/N: I hope you guys really enjoyed this chapter. I had fun writing it. I think this story just may end after they have kids? I still haven't decided. Tbh, this story could go on forever with different one-shots of their lives and events and stuff. But you're the reader so tell me what you want. How do you want it to end? Feel free to send me prompts or different angles for this story, or for another story. :)