Chapter 17: Resolve

"Sometimes I see something so moving I know I'm not supposed to linger. See it and leave. If you stay too long, you wear out the wordless shock. Love it and trust it and leave."

― Don DeLillio, Underworld

Lexa adjusted the frame of the last artwork that she needed to hang on the wall. For the past week since her return with Clarke from Bangkok, Lexa has busied herself by rearranging stuff in her life starting with her new flat. They had spent three more days in Bangkok for Anya's after that night at Khao San Road. When they separated at the airport Lexa told Clarke that she might get preoccupied once she starts decorating her new place, and indeed she was. It was more spacious that the previous apartment that she shared with Costia. This one had two bedrooms and enough space for a workspace and a small utility room that she has converted into a dark room. From time to time Lexa would take portraits and scenes in the city using her old film camera. Her mentor has taught her darkroom photography techniques and she would sometimes immerse into this traditional method when she had the time.

The first thing that she did was to repaint the walls with neutral white and grays with accents of red. The walls of the apartment were set up like a gallery, with the help of Titus, Lexa has installed new ambient and general lighting, including wall washers and track lighting. Her next favorite part of the new flat was her kitchen. The fire wall was cladded with brick and this gave the space a rustic character. She hanged pots, pans and spatulas from a pot rack above the island counter. One resolution that Lexa had when she returned was to prepare more meals and eat healthier and this new kitchen might help. She even installed a mini-bar for entertaining guests. Her workspace and living area featured a wide modern mahogany table flanked by six upcycled mismatched chairs; this space was meant for spreading out prints and other materials. As a small project, she decoupaged one accent wall with copies all her published works. Opposite this wall was a shelf made of tubular metal and wooden boards which housed all her books and a 54-inch television set. The most comfortable piece of furniture in her living area was a Chesterfield sofa with a soft fleece throw.

The new flat was finally taking shape; Lexa felt more and more at home. A small balcony adjacent to her bedroom even allowed for a few outdoor furniture pieces or an urban herb garden. Lexa has spent days working on her new space that she never realized how she has somehow disconnected from Clarke. They did immediately talk when they got home, any interaction was limited to a few text messages the past week and a phone call to simply check in how each of them was coping so far. Lexa was in deep thought; she supposed that she was not all to blame because she told Clarke that she needed to focus in setting up her apartment for a while. On the other hand, Clarke did not really interact with her beyond their text messages. Lexa assumed that Clarke was probably busy settling her own issues as well. Later on, she could probably use her housewarming party as an excuse to see Clarke again. It's not that they had ended things in a blur when they got home, it's just probably that they are taking their time to get back to their routines once again- well, Lexa was sure that that's exactly what she's been doing. However, she has promised herself that after she has set up everything, she would continue to pursue Clarke or maybe figure out if Clarke's still interested in dating.

Standing in the hallway between the kitchen and the living room, Lexa's musings were disrupted by Titus' booming voice.

"So, this here is the kitchen and here's Lexa in her elegant overalls and braided hair" Titus re-enters the hallway from the guest room, he was in his work clothes: faded cut-off shorts, a tan pocket short-sleeved t-shirt and a pair of dark blue loafers. He was speaking to his phone; he was Skyping with Anya giving her a virtual tour of Lexa's new apartment. "Say 'hi', Lexa" Titus tilted the phone's camera to Lexa's direction so Anya can see her.

Lexa gave a small wave and a smile and grabbed the phone from Titus. "Hi An, how are you?"

"Everything's fine, I'm just checking in, I see that your new place is set up?" Anya voice rumbled from the phone's loud speaker.

"Yup, Titus and I moved my stuff before I left to travel, we're just putting everything in order."

"I'm glad things are shaping up..." Anya pauses and Raven muffled voice emerges from in the background. "Oh, Rae says she likes what you did with that decoupaged accent wall".

"Thanks Rae, send my regards, An." Lexa replied.

"And mine too!" Titus butts in, throughout the span of their remodeling project, Lexa and Titus just talked about Lexa's trip and snippets about Anya, Raven and of course, Clarke. Lexa made sure that Titus was updated with Anya and Raven's relationship and her and Clarke's backstory as well. Titus teased Lexa that what happened between her and Clarke seemed like something off the movies and Lexa was just bluffing. But Anya eventually confirmed Lexa's narrative.

"Rae sends her regards to both of you too. Oh, by the way, Lexa, I'll be off the grid for a few months. I'll be doing some field work for my research, I might be able to contact you guys from time to time, if there's cell reception in the area. But don't be alarmed if I won't be able to get in touch with you guys for a while. Just message Rae if you need anything."

"Copy that!" Lexa and Titus replied in unison.

"Also, how are things with Clarke? You have never mentioned her since…" Anya inquired.

"I bet she's fine" Lexa cut in. "We've been exchanging messages here and there but we haven't really seen each other when I started setting up here." Lexa explained.

"Well, I suppose you both need to take your time to get back on track but don't take too long. Don't let her out of your grasp, I think she's a keeper." Another muffled sound came from Raven. "Well, we both think she's a keeper." Anya added.

"I think so too, that's what I've been telling her these past few days. I even asked her to invite Clarke over when we started painting the place. I could have used some help, plus, I probably got to know a new artist" Titus chimed in.

"Don't you think it's too soon to involve her right away? I just wanted to set everything up first" Lexa defended.

"Well, decorating may be too personal to you, Lexa. But I think you've done more intimate things with her already…" Lexa was about to defend herself once more, but Anya quickly finished her statement. "I mean traveling alone with her and sleeping in the same hotel room seems cozier. What I'm saying is, make sure that you don't give her the wrong impression."

"Point taken, I'll invite her over soon. But probably not after another date first." Lexa conceded.

"Make a move, Lexa, I better hear more progress when I get back from my field work. Keep an eye on her, Ty." Anya warned the duo. "Anyway, got to go, the girlfriend has prepared dinner, love you both!"

"We love you too!" Lexa and Titus sing-songed in unison.

As the call with Anya ended, Titus went to the living room to grab Lexa's phone from the coffee table.

"Well, I have my marching orders, call her" Titus tossed the phone to Lexa prompting her to call Clarke.

"What do I say? What if she's not interested anymore?" Lexa moves around in panic.

"C'mon, we're done decorating, you can even invite her over right now." Titus prompts Lexa.

"Alright…" As Lexa attempts to dial Clarke's number the doorbell unexpectedly rings. "Are we expecting someone?"

Titus jolts upright suddenly remembering something. "Oh yeah, that must be Gus."

"As in Gustus? I didn't invite him over, unless…" Lexa follows Titus as he heads towards the main door and finally pieces everything together.

Lexa was still in the dark with how things had progressed between Gustus and Titus when she left. Observing that Lexa had a lot to talk about throughout the span of their decorating project, Titus never found the right timing to talk about himself. He told himself that this reconciliation with Gus was undoubtedly to focus on their friendship but realistically, Titus realized that he was probably yearning for something more. Since the day that he had that conversation with Gustus; he has never been with anyone else nor has he touched the dating application in his phone. He had actually deleted the said application, trying to focus on the simple things now. After all, months from now, he'll finally know if he needs to start counting his waking days. He has never told Lexa about his fears yet; only Gustus knows so far. Plus, he has anonymously told his past partners to get tested; again, only Gustus knows. So, with this present progress in their reconnection, he has simply decided to invite Gustus over to surprise Lexa.

"I invited him, asked him to bring in some pizza and beers." Titus smiled.

"Is there something you're not telling me?" Lexa asked in arms akimbo.

"Well, let's just say that we have something to talk about for the rest of the evening."

It was a relief to be back in her studio again. Clarke collected all the studies that she has done and pinned all these sketches on the cork board in her studio. She had finished several watercolor drawings since then. Each time she redraws a scenery from her travels with Lexa, she can't help but be reminded of the feeling when they stood in front of these vistas together. It was early in the afternoon and Clarke was finishing a painting of Bayon temple, she remembered the warmth of that day, and of course, the warmth of Lexa's company. It has been two weeks since they arrived from Thailand and Lexa told her that she'll be spending some time setting up her new apartment. Clarke wanted to offer her help but she figured that she needed to sort out some things first. She started by reorganizing her studio which eventually lead to the urge of working on the watercolor paintings. The first one that she did was that of the hasty sketch that she has done of Lexa in Anya's apartment. When she finished the painting, she hid it right away; too conscious of Marcus' probable probing.

Since she returned, she has earned a lot of attention from her step-father. He would drop by her studio as she worked during the day. Taking a look at some of the studies on her board as he took his morning coffee and eventually retreating without a word. But in the afternoons, he would usually prepare a snack for Clarke and simply leave it on her desk by the door. Clarke didn't even find the reason to attack him in any manner, she remained focused in her work. She has actually felt that her step-father had been more at ease at watching her work and making sure that she doesn't starve. After checking on Clarke, Marcus would eventually return to his own workspace and create schemes on his computer or drafting board. These scenarios actually went on for days, both of them actually being deeply immersed in their work. Clarke was less hostile now, she could probably say that she has matured a bit. She wasn't as childish around Marcus and she did not feel any insecurity towards her status with Lexa. She feels that after weeks of being out there, they both needed some time to let their musings and feelings brew. She wants to be more mindful now and less rash.

Clarke's contemplations were suddenly broken with a soft knock on the door.

"Hey, Clarke, may I come in?" Marcus approached her cautiously.

Typically, Clarke would react negatively whenever Marcus was in her space but she has felt that there was no point to continue being unreceptive around him. After all, Marcus was the only family she had left and somehow, she missed him when she was gone.

"Hey, come in." Clarke replied faintly.

"Just wanted to check up on you. I see that you have been painting intensely lately. You never said anything about your trip." Marcus sat on the armchair next to Clarke's stool.

"Sorry about that, I was just in the mood to work on these right away." Clarke motioned towards the sketches on the board.

"Yeah, I see, I suppose you've seen beautiful things. I never knew that Bellamy had it in him to take you to these places." Marcus stood up and examined Clarke's sketch of the rice paddies of Tam Coc closely.

"These places were captivating indeed. But I didn't go with Bell, we parted ways at the first leg of our trip. I realized that we were so different, so I broke up with him. We went our separate ways, actually." Clarke decided to omit the cheating part as not to illicit any violent reaction from Marcus. After all, she wanted nothing to do with Bellamy anymore.

"Huh, I figured. But I don't understand, this means that you went on your own? You could have told me Clarke…what if…" Before Marcus could go on his preaching dad mode, Clarke cut him off.

"Actually, I was not alone, I met someone…" Clarke interrupted.

"You met someone?" Marcus probed.

"Before Bellamy and I parted ways, I met this girl at Hanoi. Her name's Lexa, she's from Polis. When things got bad with Bell, I continued my trip with Lexa. She showed me around Vietnam, Cambodia and Thailand. Actually, remember all those Polis Travel and Living articles that you used to read? Well, let's say I met the writer, she wrote those articles. It met Alexandria Woods, dad, and we became friends." Clarke explained, in her sudden excitement, did not notice using the title 'dad' with Marcus again, it just came out naturally.

"Wow, what can I say, Clarke, it has been a while since you last called me 'dad'" Marcus noted timidly.

"I'm sorry for being such a brat; I was in pain but I did not recognize that you were in pain too. I just hope things will get better now, after all, we have each other, still" Clarke apologized coyly, finally admitting to her own faults.

"It's okay, Clarke, I understand, it was not easy for you, your mom and John. But I'm glad that we are finally trying, at least." Marcus moved and gave Clarke a side hug.

"Thank you for sticking around" Clarke nuzzled into the hug.

"I'm just glad you knew better than to waste your time with that mop head boy" Marcus joked to make the mood lighter. "So, you said you met a Polis Travel and Living writer, eh? And you kept it from me for days?"

"Why don't we go get some tea and I could tell you all about my trip, it's time for a break anyway" Clarke stood up and lead Marcus towards the kitchen.

Later than evening, Clarke was at the living room watching a documentary about Andy Warhol with Marcus when her phone suddenly rang. Clarke fumbled for her phone on top of the side table and was surprised when she saw the caller ID.

"Sorry, dad, I need to get this" Clarke excused herself from her step-dad.

Marcus nodded and continued to watch attentively as Clarke stepped into the adjacent deck facing their backyard.

"Hey, Lexa" she answered softly.

"Hello, Clarke, how are you?" Lexa struggled to mask the nervousness from her voice on the other end of the line.

"I'm good, been working a bit."

"That's great, I haven't heard from you in a while, I thought you decided to disappear on me."

"Sorry about that, I figured that you were busy as well."

"Oh, I apologize for my silence too, I got caught up with some stuff."

"Yeah, I remember, you told me you were furnishing your new place."

"Yes, that's it, but we're done now. I got some help from my friend."

"I suppose it went well?"

"Of course, so about that, I actually called to see if you might consider coming over to see it for yourself?"

Clarke paused to think for a while, pondering if this was a big step to take. But come to think of it, she has already spent a lot of time with Lexa. She has even groped her accidently once, why does it feel difficult to see her again? It felt like Clarke was afraid of the unknown and she's putting off every opportunity with Lexa for the next day. But the signs that Lexa were showing seems pretty clear, that she's interested in her. Then what makes her seem so damn afraid?

"Clarke…Clarke are you still there?" Clarke realized that Lexa was still waiting for her response.

"Yeah, I can come over...I guess" Clarke answered weakly still engrossed in her thoughts "Uh, when exactly?"

"Actually, I have a couple of friends over right now and I'm thinking if you're not too busy, maybe you could join us for dinner? We're celebrating and we just finished all the work today" Lexa explained.

"Today? As in right now?" Clarke panicked.

"If it's not much of a bother but if it's any inconvenience, then we could probably schedule some other time" Lexa responded dejectedly.

"Well, I can actually still make it…just that I'm back at Arkadia and it might take me about 45 minutes to drive there" Clarke clarified.

"Oh, I see…but we'll be cleaning up for about an hour or more, so, I think you can still make it by 7pm?" Lexa asked hopefully.

Realizing that she might indeed have enough time to prepare, Clarke made a decision.

"If you say so, sure, I'll be right over by seven" Clarke finally affirmed.

"That's great then…uh, see you then!" Clarke could sense the delight in Lexa's voice.

"Er, Lexa, don't forget to text me the address, okay? Bye!" Clarke reminded Lexa.

"Of course, on it! Bye!" Lexa ended the call in a hurry.

Sensing that she needed to rush, Clarke suddenly zoomed back into the house to her room, past a very confused Marcus.