Chapter 13
Tim was fuming as he walked away from Tony. It was the same thing as kept happening over and over again. It was all about Tim's problems, Tim's emotional state, Tim's situation. Why couldn't Tony, just once, let it not be about Tim? Why couldn't he just let someone else help him out for a change? Would it kill him to admit that sometimes he was the one in need of support? Why did it always have to be about what was wrong with Tim?
His angry stride took him well down the block, through the crowds of people having fun like he had been for most of the morning. He kept walking and then, suddenly, he looked to the right and noticed something else. It looked like a path going right out into the harbor...only there was no harbor.
His anger faded just a little bit as curiosity tried to take hold.
Well, I have a couple of hours to kill, Tim thought to himself...which made him angry again. He started walking toward that path, wondering where it would take him.
x.x.x.x.x.x.x
"Traveling on your own?"
Tony was startled out of his thoughts by the question.
"What?" he asked.
An older man smiled at him.
"Traveling on your own?"
"No. My friend's back on shore."
"Why isn't he here?"
"Gets seasick," Tony said. While that was true, though, he was lying.
"Too bad. It does get rough out here, but usually, if you take something like Dramamine, it really isn't too bad."
"Yeah."
"Something wrong?"
"No. Nothing."
"You know, that didn't sound very convincing."
Tony smiled. "You traveling alone?"
"Yep. They say these boats are accessible, but my Laurel just doesn't believe it when it comes to boats."
"She's in a wheelchair?"
"Mostly. She can take a few steps with a walker, but these days, mostly, she's in a chair, and she doesn't trust boats not to toss her right out."
"Too bad. It's been a pretty smooth ride so far."
The man nodded and stuck out his hand.
"I'm Laramie. You?"
"Tony," he said, shaking the offered hand.
"First time seeing the whales?"
"I hope so," Tony said, smiling. "Haven't seen anything yet."
"We aren't out very far yet. Give it some time."
Tony nodded and looked back out at the ocean.
x.x.x.x.x.x.x
Was this dumb of him? Well, maybe. But at the moment, Tim didn't care. He was walking out on a causeway that was leading him to an island. He didn't know how long the causeway would be there. He assumed it was based on the tides, but there were other people crossing and so he was being perversely stubborn and refusing to check on the details. He wouldn't stay long. He'd go over, take a few pictures and go back. That was all.
The longer he walked, though, the more his anger began to ebb, leaving a strange, aching sadness in its wake. It was a sadness he didn't fully understand, but he wasn't interested in probing it just yet.
Just walk. Look around. Don't think about anything else. Just look.
He kept going.
x.x.x.x.x.x.x
Tony kept looking out through the fog that had settled in almost as soon as they'd got to the place where the whales were supposed to be. So far, no sign at all, but they could barely see ten feet around the boat, it seemed. He'd be worried about that, but he knew that they had guidance systems that would help them navigate back to shore when the time came.
But where were the whales?
The biggest problem was that, since there were no whales to distract him, Tony kept finding his mind dwelling on the falling out he'd had with Tim. There was no question that this was as mad as Tim had ever been at him. There had been times in the last few years that Tim had yelled at him about things, but that had been when Tim himself was falling apart. This wasn't about that. Tim had been genuinely angry at him.
In fact, he had seemed to feel almost betrayed.
And at the end of it all, Tony had to admit that Jo had been right. He had made a big mistake in not telling Tim. But he still didn't get why Tim would be so upset that he hadn't said anything about his dad. There was no reason to get upset. His father hadn't been much of a father. He'd barely seen him in years. There was no reason to be concerned or to grieve.
And Tony wasn't going to grieve. It didn't matter. Not at all. It just made the separation official. That was all. For all the help he'd ever been to Tony over the years, his father might as well have been dead a long time ago.
It didn't matter.
...but Tim being upset did matter. Tim had offered Tony something he hadn't had in a long time, maybe not ever, and Tony didn't want to lose that.
But he still didn't get it.
Then, a voice came over the speaker.
"Sorry, folks, but it looks like we're not going to have any success with the whales today."
There were audible groans of disappointment.
"But we do have a rain-check option. Please keep your tickets and you can redeem them at a future time, over the next three years, for another chance to see the whales."
Tony looked at the ticket in his hand. That meant that Tim's ticket would be good, too.
But Tim wasn't here, and that was sad.
No, it wasn't sad. It was just silly, Tony told himself.
Then, he looked out at the fog all around them, the complete lack of any kind of view and he felt a strange twisting in the pit of his stomach.
As he stood there alone on the deck.
He hadn't even seen the whales.
x.x.x.x.x.x.x
Tim climbed up to the top of the island and had a nice view of the harbor. He took some pictures, but right at the moment, he was pretty depressed. After all the fun they'd had, to have it all fall apart because of an argument... He sighed.
Part of him was tempted just to stay right there and hide away, but he wasn't a child and he wouldn't create a situation where he was going to have to be rescued from the island because he wouldn't act like an adult.
Still, he just couldn't understand why Tony would be that way. Why would he intentionally create a situation where he had to deal with a family tragedy all on his own? Even if his dad was basically a deadbeat (which he was), it was still family. And that was hard. Why was Tony trying to pretend it didn't matter? If he really didn't care, he wouldn't have been so affected by Tim being a dad to Tommy. Tim could see now why Tony had been bothered by seeing it. It was something he would never have.
So why in the world would he just try to pretend that he didn't care? And why would he think that he had to save Tim from some kind of nonexistent difficulty? Tim wasn't sure which part made him the more frustrated and upset: Tony hiding that from him or Tony treating him like a fragile piece of glass.
He looked at his watch. He couldn't stay here much longer, and if the tide was going to start coming in soon, he should probably make sure he didn't have to swim back to shore.
Grimacing, Tim started down toward the causeway. He could still see people walking around, so he wasn't particularly worried. The tide wouldn't instantly be high, and he couldn't see that the causeway was narrowing yet.
He stopped when he got to the shore. Instead of walking across the causeway, he started climbing over the rocks until he was relatively secluded. Then, he sat down and stared out across the harbor at the boats, up at the mountains and thought more about why he was sitting there by himself.
Maybe Tony really doesn't want friendship. Maybe this is just his way of keeping an eye on me.
Tim wanted to scoff at the petulant thought, but at the same time, he couldn't dismiss it completely. Tim had pointed out before the fact that he had asked a lot more of Tony than Tony had ever asked of him and it couldn't just be Tony always helping Tim out of the quagmire. That wasn't friendship. That was Tony acting as protector, and Tim had needed that on occasion, but he didn't want that to be all that their friendship was...because in the end, that meant Tony wasn't doing this because he enjoyed Tim's company but because he felt Tim needed his company.
The idea that Tony might feel that way was even more depressing. But if that was the case, then, Tony really did have every right to keep things from Tim. Because Tim wasn't his friend.
But could that really be what it was?
"Hey! You planning on staying here all night?"
Tim jumped, startled out of his thoughts.
"What?"
A man was standing a ways back from the rocks Tim had chosen to sit on.
"You planning on staying here all night?"
"Not really."
"Then, you'd better get moving. The tide's starting to come back in. You have time, but we'll both be lucky if we don't get our shoes soaked."
Tim looked around and realized that his musings had caused him to miss everyone walking back across the causeway. He got to his feet and started climbing back over the rocks. He was surprised that the man was waiting for him.
"Thanks," he said, when he got closer. "I wasn't paying attention to the time."
"Or the tide. You'd have been swamped sitting on that rock at high tide."
Tim smiled. "Well, that would have got my attention."
"Definitely. Let's get moving."
The two of them started across the causeway, not really running, but walking quickly. Tim noticed that the causeway was much narrower than it had been. The tide was coming in.
They started walking faster.
"We going to make it?"
The man laughed. "Of course, but if your shoes are damaged by water, they might not."
Tim looked down at his shoes. They were just slightly sturdier athletic shoes. Not quite hiking shoes, not strictly athletic shoes.
"They're fine."
"Good, because here comes the water," the man said.
Sure enough. The incoming tide went over the little bit of the causeway that remained and they slogged through water the last 100 yards.
When they were finally on dry land that would stay dry land, Tim turned to the man and put out his hand.
"Thanks," he said. "I probably wouldn't have noticed until it was too late to cross over. I'm Tim."
"Jerry. No problem. I live around here and I try to come over here every so often and make sure that the tourists who don't know the area can get off the island. Some people just try to profit off it by making them pay for rides or for towing for the stupid people who drive their cars onto the causeway and get stuck, but I'd rather just save people a little grief."
"Well, I really appreciate it. My shoes are wet, but the rest of me isn't...and I'm on the right side of the harbor."
Jerry chuckled.
"Enjoy the rest of your day."
"Probably won't...until my shoes dry."
Jerry laughed and then saluted Tim and headed off to wherever he'd come from. Tim smiled and then looked down at his shoes. They really were soaked. So were his socks. And his feet would get all white and shriveled if he didn't take them off and let his shoes start to dry. He checked his watch. The whale boat should be getting back soon. No matter how upset he was, he shouldn't make Tony go and search for him.
Decision made, Tim started back toward the park that was just across the street from the pier. He could sit on the grass there and take off his shoes and socks.
And wait for Tony to get back.
x.x.x.x.x.x.x
As they headed back, the fog thinned and lifted completely, giving Tony a great view coming into the harbor. But he wasn't really happy about the view. He knew that he and Tim would have to talk and he didn't want to. Tim was sure to be angry still. The kind of anger he'd shown, it wouldn't go away.
And it shouldn't.
The thought came out of nowhere. Tony was surprised at himself for thinking it, but it wouldn't go away once he'd thought of it. He couldn't stop himself from thinking that maybe Tim did have a right to be upset. Even if Tony himself wasn't bothered by his father's death...
But you are.
Again, that treacherous part of his mind that was telling him things he didn't want to be true. They weren't true.
Yes, they are.
Tony sighed. What would come of this? He'd never had Tim really angry at him before. He didn't like it, but he didn't know how to fix it this time. When Tim was having trouble, he knew, more or less, what to do. Now... he just didn't have a clue.
But he couldn't just stay on the boat and avoid him. At the very least, they needed to drive back together.
But it wasn't about that. It was about the fact that he didn't want Tim mad at him. Tim had become his best friend, without either of them ever planning on it, and Tim had brought him into his own family circle long before Tony had created a family of his own. He didn't want to lose that because of a misunderstanding...or whatever it was.
He just didn't want to have to do anything to fix it. He wanted it to go away without effort.
Whether he wanted the ride to end or not, eventually, the boat came into port and everyone disembarked. He saw Laramie greeting a woman in a wheelchair. He waved and then started looking around for Tim. He didn't see him on the pier at all. Had Tim really just left? He wouldn't do that, would he?
Then, he looked across the road and he saw Tim sitting on the grass in the park. He wasn't looking at Tony. He was staring down at the ground. He didn't look all that happy himself, but at least he didn't seem irate anymore. Actually, he seemed a little depressed.
No sense in putting it off. Tony took a breath, squared his shoulders and walked across the street and over to where Tim was sitting. Tim glanced up at him but said nothing. Tony swallowed and then sat down beside him. He suddenly noticed that Tim wasn't wearing any shoes or socks. They were sitting beside him. He stared at them.
The silence lengthened out as the two of them sat there, not speaking, not looking at each other.