Chapter 17

With another tentative peacemaking, Tim allowed the subject to fall to the side again, but he felt that it was better this time than the last time. For one thing, he'd managed to express himself clearly. For another, Tony seemed to have listened to him.

He picked up the map of Acadia and looked at it again.

"You know, Tony, if we went onto the left side of the loop, it's actually two-way."

"Really?"

"Yeah."

"What is there to see over there?" Tony asked.

"Cadillac Mountain."

"Named after the car?"

Tim smiled. "I doubt it."

"Always pouring cold water on my ideas."

"Well, come up with better ones, then," Tim said.

"Ouch. That was a zinger," Tony said, miming fatal injury.

"I try," Tim said and went back to looking at the map.

"Anything else?"

"Jordan Pond."

"Isn't that where Walt Whitman went?"

Tim looked up.

"I don't think so."

"There was a book or something," Tony said. "I remember having to read some of it in school."

"A book?"

"On Jordan Pond?"

Tim laughed. "Walden Pond. And I think that's Thoreau, not Whitman, but I'm not sure about that."

"But you're sure it's Walden?"

"Yeah."

Tony pulled out his phone and did a search.

"Yeah. You're right. Walden and Thoreau." Then, Tony smacked his forehead. "I should have known that! It's this running theme in Dead Poets Society! 'I went to the woods because I wanted to live deliberately. ...drink deep and suck out all the marrow of life.'"

"That has Robin Williams in it, right?" Tim guessed.

"Of course."

Tim was inwardly relieved that he had remembered that much. He didn't want Tony forcing him to sit down and watch it. He didn't know if he'd actually seen it or just remembered when the movie came out.

"So what's Jordan Pond, then?"

"Please don't ask if it's named after Michael Jordan," Tim said.

Tony grinned but didn't say anything...for the moment.

"It's a glacial pond and it can be as much as 150 feet deep. No swimming allowed to protect it."

"Yeah. Humans can be pretty nasty in bodies of water. They want to add their own," Tony said.

"Yuck."

"Hey, not me!"

Tim raised an eyebrow. "You did seem to be speaking from experience."

"You want another pillow to the face, McGee?" Tony asked, raising one threateningly.

"I'm just saying."

"Well, don't."

"Fine, fine. Anyway, it's further south than Cadillac Mountain, but it's on the same side." Then, Tim raised an eyebrow. "What do you think?"

"Sounds good to me. That will let us get back here in time. Are you sure you want to go and see the whales?" Tony asked.

"Yes," Tim said, although he was fudging it a little bit. He did want to see whales, but he didn't want to have to be on a boat to do it.

"No, I'm serious, Tim," Tony said. "I know you get seasick, and I know you can take the dramamine for it and everything, but... is this really something you want to do? You don't have to do it just for me. I'll survive."

Tim smiled. "Tony, I want to see the whales. I don't want to be seasick, but I want to see the whales. It's worth it, even if I'm a little unsettled. Like I said, you'll just have to do the driving later on."

"Then, you'd better drive to start," Tony said.

"I think I can handle that. Ready to get breakfast?"

"Yeah."

They grabbed their stuff and headed down to get their breakfast. They didn't linger, wanting to make sure they had the time to see a few things before trying out the whales again.

Tim drove them over and down to Jordan Pond. When they got there, they saw that there was actually a restaurant there.

"Shucks. We could have had breakfast here," Tony said.

"It was free at the hotel and it looks like there are a lot of people in there," Tim said. "We can just enjoy the pond, but it looks like there's a gift shop."

"Oooh," Tony said, looking eager.

"Pond first," Tim said. "Then, we can buy knickknacks."

"Yes, sir," Tony said, saluting.

Tim rolled his eyes and then found a place to park in the north lot. They got out of the car and headed straight for the pond. As they got closer, they saw the pond stretch out in front of them, with two hills visible across the lake. There was a trail that curved off to both sides, but it was the view ahead of them that was the most impressive. The pond wasn't particularly wide, but it was long and with the trees growing all around, the two mountains stick up at the north end of the lake were especially impressive.

"Wow," Tony said. "That's a great view. No swimming?"

"No swimming. No wading, even."

"Shucks. Well, we can get pictures, at least. Pose, Probie."

Tim did as instructed and then they switched and Tony got a picture taken by Tim. They considered walking on the trail around the lake, but when they investigated how long it was, they had second thoughts.

"Three miles is a long way," Tony said.

"It does say it's flat and family friendly," Tim said.

"Yeah, but who knows how distracted we'll get," Tony said. "If it wasn't for the whales, I'd be all for it, but I don't want to miss the boat."

Tim thought about it for a few seconds and then nodded.

"I agree. So...what is it with you and the whales? Why are you so fixated on it?"

Tony grinned. "I really don't know," he admitted. "And I'm being honest, Tim. I have no idea. I just got it in my head that seeing the whales is what you do up here and... so that's what I want to do."

Tim found it interesting that Tony had these ideas about what was right and what things were supposed to be like. He tried to follow along with what he'd decided. It was like Mount Rushmore and Wall Drug. They were places families were supposed to go and so he wanted to go. He wasn't sure where these ideas had come from, but Tony sure held onto them way more than Tim would have expected.

"Well, I guess we can't be late for that. Let's just walk a little ways down the trail and see if there's a better view. Then, we can come back and look at the gift shop."

"Sounds good."

They walked about half a mile down the trail, taking pictures all the way. It was early enough in the morning that they didn't see many people around. It was quiet and peaceful, and Tim could admit that he liked that after all the chaos of the last couple of days. There were no waves, no water crashing against the rocks, no big crowds. Just quiet. The water rippled and lapped against the rocks and when they weren't talking, it was very quiet.

They stopped at one point and Tim was just staring out across the water, thinking about which type of water most accurately described his life.

...and it wasn't the pond.

"Tim? You okay?"

Tim blinked and looked at Tony.

"What?"

"You all right? You zoned out again."

"Oh. Yeah. I was just thinking how nice it is that it's so quiet here," Tim said. "I'm sure it will be busier later, but right now, it's just quiet and calm. Tranquil. That's the word I'd use."

"Of course you would," Tony said. "You don't get much quiet?"

Tim laughed at that. "Nope. My life is not quiet right now. Not at home. Not at work. Maybe for a few hours during the night if I'm lucky."

"Not easy yet?"

"No, but I don't expect it to be anymore," Tim said. "You were right. I picked something hard and I can't expect it to be something other than what it is."

Tim looked over and saw concern on Tony's face. He still hated seeing that expression. He forced a smile.

"Tony, it's life. That's the way things are. And there's no part of my life that I'd cut out to make things easier."

"Not one?" Tony asked, dubiously.

Tim raised an eyebrow and then started back along the trail without answering. They both knew that Tim had parts of his past he hated. Tony knew Tim wasn't talking about that, so Tim decided not to answer. He just walked away from the quiet view, feeling a little bit of the turmoil that so defined his life right now...and he didn't see any sign of that changing.

"Hey, Tim, wait up."

Tim stopped but didn't turn around as he heard Tony come up beside him.

"Hey, what is it? You've been on edge all during this trip and it's not just me being too concerned. Are you not okay?"

Tim smiled, but he looked out at the pond, not at Tony.

"I'm okay, Tony. I'm just tired sometimes. And the best way to get over that tiredness is to escape from the things that are the hardest to deal with, just for a while. The problem is that when people notice it, their reaction is to bring me back to the hardest things when all I really want is to get away from them. To take a breath, have a little break."

He felt Tony's arm around his shoulders.

"That's what this vacation is for me. I just want a break. I don't want to have to talk about... Gibbs or any of the struggles I still have or whether or not I'm still mad or anything like that. I just want a break from that because those things are a part of my life all the time. I need to get away from them sometimes. It's not permanent. I know that, but it can be there for a moment. Just a little while... because I just get so tired sometimes."

"Does Delilah know?"

"Yeah." Tim took a breath and let it out slowly. "Yeah, she knows."

"And?"

"And she helps as she can, but..." And here Tim did feel like smiling. "...but sometimes, my kids just want to have me around. Not always, but sometimes. And when those times come, I need to be there, tired or not. But I really am fine. Most of the time."

"I'm sorry," Tony said. "And don't you dare quote Gibbs."

Tim forced a laugh, knowing that the statement was nearly automatic for them both.

But neither of them said it.

"It's not your fault," Tim said. "I'd hoped that I could just be fine and then no one would feel the need to ask about it."

"Big time failure there, Probie."

"Yeah, I know."

Then, Tony turned Tim to face him. Tim didn't resist at all.

"You want to have fun?"

"Yeah. Don't you?"

Tony grinned. "Of course. I always want to have fun. So let's try to set this stuff aside for a while and just have fun. Okay?"

"Both of us?"

"Both of us," Tony said.

"Okay. Now what?"

"The gift shop of course!"

"Of course."

Tony pretended to shove Tim down the trail as they headed back to the trailhead and then over to the gift shop. As they stepped inside, they were both impressed.

"This is a lot bigger than I was thinking," Tim said.

"Yeah. Lots of choices. Perfect."

There were postcards everywhere, mugs, t-shirts galore, thermoses, candles, matted and framed pictures, shot glasses (of course), jewelry. There were jams and jellies and maple syrup. It was a menagerie of tourist items, and Tim watched as Tony eagerly began to scan the options to see what to buy. This was another thing about Tony. He seemed to love the touristy stuff. Tim liked it but not nearly so much as Tony did.

That being said, this did seem to be a perfect place to get souvenirs of their time in Acadia. So Tim joined in as Tony began picking out things to get for his friends and family.

"What do you think of this one, Tim?" Tony asked, holding up a necklace. "I think I need to get it for Grace."

"I like it. I was thinking of getting a vase or something for Delilah's parents."

"You should buy them some maple syrup."

Tim laughed. "Why?"

"Because it's Maine!"

"So is everything else in here."

"Nope. Maple syrup, Probie. Listen to the expert."

"Expert? At what?"

"Buying souvenirs."

"Do you know what an expert is?" Tim asked.

"What?" Tony asked, sounding a little suspicious.

"A drip under pressure."

He watched as Tony's lips moved as he analyzed the pun. Then, he grinned.

"I'll take that. But I'm still right."

"Okay, okay. I'll buy some maple syrup, but I'm still going to buy something nice, too." Then, his eyes fell on some carved, wooden Christmas tree balls. "Oh, like this."

"Neat!" Tony said. "They're wood, not glass. Very cool."

"You should get one for Jo's parents. ...or do they not decorate for Christmas?"

"Are you kidding? Jo told me that her parents moved to the States right around Christmas time and they wanted to fit in, so they were happy to embrace the extravagant decorations. They're still the first to put up lights and trees and the last to take them down."

Tim grinned. "Then, this is perfect."

"I think you're right."

They both picked out a wooden Christmas decoration and then went to the counter to pay for their purchases. Then, it was off to Cadillac Mountain to get a view of the whole island from above.