Chapter 18

Tony felt contented as they headed up Cadillac Mountain. For one thing, Tim was driving. The switchbacks weren't as bad as the ones he'd driven to Sandia Crest in New Mexico, but it was still mountain driving and he wasn't doing it. That was good. ...but even beyond that, there was just something about today that felt better than it had in a while. Tony glanced over at Tim as he drove with intense concentration. Tony didn't want to distract him because, while the fact that it was a mountain had registered, how high it might actually be had not. Right now, with Tim concentrating on the road itself, he couldn't be worried about the height. They'd been higher before, but that was also in an area that was naturally higher. This was supposed to be the highest point in the North Atlantic region.

And with the switchbacks and the narrower road and the steep incline and Tim with his focused attention, Tony knew he could be tense himself, but he wasn't. He was really feeling fine. And he had to admit that a lot of it was simply Tim not letting him do what he would naturally do. It was kind of like when he had come back from Israel, only Tim hadn't known as well what to do. This time, Tim knew what to do, in spite of the fact that he had claimed not to.

Tony felt better, and he thought it was kind of ridiculous that he did, but he had to admit that he felt better than he had before.

"How much further, Tony?" Tim asked as he got around another hairpin turn.

Tony checked the GPS on his phone.

"Almost there, Probie. Just give it another half a mile and we're there."

"Good. I'm definitely ready to be there."

"Hey, the road to Sandia Crest was way worse."

"That doesn't make this road good."

"It's paved."

"So was the other one."

"Just don't close your eyes, Probie. You're the one driving."

Tim didn't close his eyes, but he came very close to rolling his eyes. Then, he took a deep breath and refocused. Even as slowly as they were going, they arrived at the parking lot in just a few minutes. The lot was already filling up and they were lucky to get a spot. As they got out of the car, Tony looked around.

"You know, this really isn't a very big lot considering how popular this place is supposed to be."

Tim got out of the car and just shrugged. Then, he rolled his shoulders and seemed to be trying to relax. Tony smiled.

"Did you hear me?" he asked.

"What?" Tim asked, looking over at Tony.

Tony laughed. "I said that this parking lot isn't really very big considering how many people probably come here."

Tim looked around and nodded. "Yeah, but you know, this isn't really a very big park, at least, the main road isn't. I wonder if they'll shut it down and have it more like the Grand Canyon where you have a shuttle for most of the way."

"I'd like to see a shuttle get up this road."

Tim grinned. "I wouldn't."

Tony slapped Tim on the back.

"Okay. You ready to stand on the summit?"

"Yeah. I think so."

"No fear of falling?"

"Only if you pushed me," Tim said. "This isn't like that trail down into the Grand Canyon. We're not hovering over the edge of a cliff. Did you know that three people died in two weeks this year, by falling into the Grand Canyon?"

"Well, we were smarter than they were."

"Maybe."

Tony gave Tim a gentle shove and they headed up to the summit. It looked like there was a trail that went all the way down the mountain, but Tony was happy enough just to have driven up here, even if it mean they were contributing to the congestion. They got to the summit and followed a short loop trail around. They stopped at one point and looked out over what seemed to be the entire island.

"There's Bar Harbor," Tony said, pointing.

"Yeah."

Then, Tony noticed Tim zoning out yet again. These moments worried him more than a little, but it wasn't a flashback or anything. It was just that Tim seemed to be thinking very deeply, and when he claimed to be wanting a break from the hard stuff, these moments didn't seem to match that desire and Tony didn't like seeing it. Still, Tim also seemed a little overly-sensitive to comments on it and Tony didn't want to bring that up either, not after they had just repaired the frayed feelings from the day before.

But then, maybe this was how Tim got a break. Maybe it was just him disconnecting from the world and enjoying the view with no interruptions. Certainly, he had more than enough reasons to want to escape on occasion. So instead of pushing this time, Tony just waited for Tim to come out of it on his own...as long as Tim didn't take too long to do it. In fact, Tony took a picture of Tim looking out over the mountain, Bar Harbor in the background. There was something really interesting about Tim's expression. In Tony's opinion, this was a picture that could go on one of those inspirational posters. Which quality would it be?

Perseverance.

Yes, that was the one. Tony grinned and then pulled out his phone and searched for a quote that would fit. After only a few seconds, he found it and saved it. He had no idea who Mary Anne Radmacher was, but he liked it.

Courage doesn't always roar, sometimes it's the quiet voice at the end of the day whispering I will try again tomorrow.

After a few minutes, Tim finally looked away from the view.

"Sorry. I was just looking," he said.

"That's what we're up here for," Tony said, easily.

Tim looked a little self-conscious, but Tony tried to scrutinize him without looking like he was, and Tim didn't seem distressed or shocked or anything. He had just been looking and then, he was done. Was that what it was every time? Tony wasn't sure about that, but at least, this time seemed to be just Tim enjoying what he could see.

"Any problems with the height?" Tony asked.

"Nope. No edges right by me."

"You know, Tim, your fear of heights is not very consistent."

"Yes, it is," Tim said, smiling.

"No, it's not. Here we are, at the highest point all around and you're fine. At Sandia Crest, you wouldn't go near the edge, and you stayed as far away as you could at the Grand Canyon, but you also enjoyed the overlooks. Plus, I've seen you lean over the edge of a balcony with no trouble but start freaking out over being just barely above the ground. You're not consistent!"

Tim laughed. "I am consistent when you know what the fear is."

"And?"

"And one thing is whether or not I can forget the height. Up here, even though it's high, we're not near an edge, but I had to avoid looking at the edge while I was driving up here because I knew that the steep road would freak me out if I thought about it. At the Grand Canyon, it's outside and so wide open that a single slip would be it. I couldn't forget the height. And usually, when I'm outside, not inside, that's worse. And don't bring up Willis Tower."

"Sears Tower."

"Willis Tower," Tim said again. "The whole point of that floor is for people to look down. Forgetting was impossible. I'm completely consistent."

"Uh-huh," Tony said dubiously.

Tim smiled. "Just accept that I have an irrational fear but I know it's irrational...most of the time."

"Most of the time you know?"

Tim's smile widened to a grin. "No. Most of the time it's irrational. Sometimes, it's not."

"Well, McRational, shall we?"

"You going to make me drive down, too?"

"I should, but I won't. I'll take pity on your irrational fear and let you close your eyes. Besides, there are a bunch of overlooks we passed on the way up. I want to stop at a few and get more pictures."

"Of course you do. Okay. Then, over to Bar Harbor?"

"Yeah."

"Okay, but there's one thing we have to do when we get there," Tim said.

"What's that?"

"Get a lobster roll at McDonald's."

"Probie, no! Have you learned nothing? We can't buy lobster at the Golden Arches. It's fundamentally wrong!"

"That's why we need to do it," Tim said. "I've now had real lobster. But this is a gimmick we need to try. I've never had a lobster roll, so I don't know if they'll taste like the real thing or not, but..."

"They won't."

"We don't even have to buy two. We can just buy one and split it and then get a real lunch somewhere else," Tim said, almost sounding wheedling.

"Okay. One lobster roll from McDonald's, but we get a real lunch at a different place."

"Deal."

"Then, let's get back to the car and go down."

They walked back to the car and Tim took his dramamine so that he'd be ready for the boat. Then, as Tony had said, they stopped at multiple overlooks, took pictures and hopped back in the car. For Tony, this gave him a break from the downhill driving and let them have different views of the area. They took turns being in each other's photos. Finally, they were back down to the main road. Tony drove them back to Bar Harbor and, reluctantly, to McDonald's. They went through the drivethru to get the lobster roll. Then, they drove back to the pier and found a parking place so that they would be able to just walk over and get on the boat. Then, they walked to the park and sat down to share the lobster roll.

Tim split it in half and handed part of it to Tony.

"You know this isn't going to be as good as the real thing, Tim."

"I'm sure it isn't. I just want to try it," Tim said and took a bite.

Tony followed suit and also took a bite. And to his surprise, it wasn't horrible. It wasn't as good as a real lobster roll, but it really was okay.

"Well?" Tim asked. "What do you think?"

"What do you think?"

"I think it's fine. I'm sure it's like fast food lobster roll, but it tasted fine. What do you think?"

"It's...okay."

Tim grinned suddenly. "You like it, don't you!"

"I didn't say that!"

"But if you didn't like it, you would have said so. You like it."

Tony grimaced, but then smiled. "Reluctantly."

Tim laughed. "It's okay to think it tastes all right, Tony. You're not somehow dishonoring lobster by doing it."

Tony laughed, too. "Well, it seems wrong to think McDonald's did all right by a lobster roll."

"I guess even McDonald's can do it right occasionally."

"Guess so. Now, let's go get a real lunch before we test your stomach."

"Maybe we shouldn't," Tim said.

"We'll keep it light."

"Good."

They found a small café, right by the pier which served breakfast and lunch. Initially, they both decided to go with something lighter...but then, Tony decided that Tim needed to have a real lobster roll. So they just got another lobster roll to share. The café was tiny so they got it as a bag lunch and walked back to the park. Then, they split the roll again and tried it. Tony gave Tim a look.

Tim just laughed. "Yes, it's better than McDonald's, Tony," he said.

"It had better be."

"It is."

They enjoyed their lunch, tossed their trash and then headed over to get on the boat.

"Well, what will you do if we don't see them again?" Tim asked.

"Hate the universe," Tony said.

"What?" Tim asked, laughing in surprise.

"Just kidding. I'll try to enjoy the view anyway. But since you're coming along this time, we'll see them," Tony said.

Tim raised an eyebrow. "I don't think the whales know about me."

"They don't," Tony agreed. "They're just whales, Probie."

The eyebrow went up further and Tony could see that Tim was trying to parse some deeper meaning.

"Come on, Tim. We don't want to disappoint the whales!"

Tony grabbed Tim by the arm and dragged him along. Tim resisted for a few steps but then Tony could see him just give up and go along. They got in line and boarded. And then, with no delays, they set out. As they headed out of the harbor, Tony looked over at Tim and tried to see if he was starting to feel seasick. However, he knew that Tim's seasickness didn't manifest instantly, and since he'd taken something to combat it, he might not show anything at all. For Tim's sake, Tony hoped so.

And he really hoped that they'd get to see the whales.

They sat inside for the first few miles, relaxing while the other passengers were wandering around. Then, Tim stood up.

"I need to get out on deck."

"Feeling sick?"

"Not yet, and maybe I can avoid it if I can get out in the open air."

"Didn't help you much on the ghost ship."

"It wasn't a ghost ship. It was stormy and rocking," Tim said. "Besides, the fog hasn't come in and we have a nice view. Might as well take advantage."

Tim walked out onto the deck and Tony followed. He had to admit that Tim was right. Apparently, a lot of the other passengers thought he was right, too. They were mostly out on deck. Tim took a deep breath and walked over to the railing rather than looking for a seat.

"Does it bother you?" Tony asked, after a moment.

"Being seasick?" Tim asked. "Well, yeah. I don't think anyone enjoys nausea."

"No, I mean... Well..." Tony thought about how to phrase this thought he'd just had. It had been percolating in his mind although mostly subconsciously during the whole trip. "...would you have gone into the Navy if you didn't get seasick? Is that what you wanted?"

Tim looked at him, but not in surprise. It was more evaluating. Tony supposed that it was a random question after all these years they'd worked together and been friends. Tim straightened and then surprised Tony a little by shaking his head.

"No. If that was all that was holding me back, I would have found a way to deal with it. I didn't want to be in the Navy. Sometimes, I felt like I should. Family tradition and all, but I never wanted to. There was only one reason I thought about going into the military."

"What's that?"

Tim smiled. "So I could be an astronaut. It's not required, but most astronauts have been military officers. I wanted to be an astronaut. I would have dealt with any amount of seasickness if I could have."

"Why didn't you?"

"I grew up and... kind of lost that dream." Then, suddenly, Tim shared something that Tony hadn't ever even considered. "Someday, though, I want to get a really nice telescope. I've had some cheapies over the years, but I already know exactly what I'd get, and it would be expensive because I would want a good one."

"Why haven't you?"

"Well, until a few years ago, I was living in an apartment in D.C., not exactly the best place for observing or for storing a telescope," Tim said. "And now, well, it seems kind of extravagant. I don't know how much time I'd even have to use it. But maybe someday. Didn't you ever have a dream like that? Being an astronaut?"

Tony looked out at the ocean and shrugged. "Not like that," he said. "My dreams were more in the superhero line. Leap tall buildings in a single bound. Fly, turn back time. That kind of stuff. ...but not from comic books. From the movies."

"Of course," Tim said, smiling.

"And like you, I grew up. And I remember when I found out what happened to George Reeves. He played Superman back in the 50s."

"What happened?"

"He died at age 45. It was ruled a suicide. He was depressed and everything, but there never was any really firm evidence. Some thought his fiancee killed him. Some thought someone else broke into the house and killed him, but he was miserable because he'd been typecast as Superman and couldn't do anything else. It was kind of depressing to find that out and I knew no one got to be superheroes anyway, so I left that stuff behind. So I never had the realistic dream."

"I'm not sure being an astronaut qualifies as realistic either."

"More than a superhero. Some people get to be astronauts."

Tim smiled. "True."

Suddenly, the boat slowed and everyone began looking around. A voice came over the speakers.

"Everyone look to the right of the boat."

Eagerly, Tony began looking and he was glad to see Tim doing the same with just as much enthusiasm. They were all staring and it was amazing that the boat didn't tip over with all the passengers pressing to see.

For a long moment, there was nothing but ocean all around them. Then...

"Look!" Tony said, pointing.

A huge tail stuck out of the water and then slapped back down. Tony grabbed his camera and held it up, ready to take pictures.

"Was that it, you think?" Tim asked in a low voice, after a minute or so of nothing.

Then, a number of whale heads began poking out of the water. Tony started taking pictures and Tim did, too. ...and so did the other 350 passengers. People started talking to each other and pointing as other whales surfaced and then went back into the water.

Tony was entranced. He'd never seen anything like this before, and finally getting the chance to, after the disappointment from the day before, made the entire trip worth it. Something perfectly right in the midst of life's daily challenges and disappointments. It was amazing. He didn't think anything could top this experience, but then, just as he was sure they were about to start back, one whale suddenly leapt out of the water. There were wordless exclamations all around them, but Tony just inhaled in surprise. He was so amazed by it that he didn't even think to take a picture. He just watched as this humungous whale flung itself out of the water and then splashed back down. As the water calmed from the sudden display, the other passengers began clapping.

Tony looked at Tim, grinning happily, and saw Tim just lowering his own camera.

"I hope you were taking a picture of the whale and not me, Probie," Tony said.

"I did both," Tim said with a smile. "I don't know if I've ever seen you so excited, Tony. But then, I didn't see you when you proposed to Jo or when Sam was born. I think it was probably pretty similar."

Tony felt his face redden a little in embarrassment. He allowed that Tim had often shown himself to be enthralled by things, but Tony didn't usually admit to that kind of feeling. He wasn't the guy who showed that kind of innocent excitement.

"I wasn't that excited."

"Maybe not quite," Tim said. "I'll bet it was close."

The ship began to turn and there were a few sounds of disappointment as the announcement came over the speaker that they were headed back in. Still, even the disappointment was minor, just regret that they couldn't stay longer. What they had seen was amazing.

"How are you feeling, Tim?" Tony asked as the excitement died down and people began milling around the ship.

"Not bad. I'll bet the drowsiness kicks in soon, though."

"You're just trying to get out of driving."

"No, I'm making sure we don't get in an accident because I couldn't keep my eyes open."

"Is it that bad?"

"Sometimes. Not always. I never know for sure what it's going to do. And I don't take it often enough to know if there's a pattern."

"Well, thanks for doing this," Tony said.

"You could have gone without me," Tim said. "Don't get me wrong, I had fun, but you didn't need me here to see the whales. I'm sure they would have been here without me."

"It wasn't because you had to be here to see the whales, Tim," Tony said. "It's because it wouldn't have been the same without you here, too."

Tim smiled a little.

"Well... then, you're welcome," he said.

Tony grinned and they found a place to sit for the rest of the ride back into the harbor.