Chapter 23

Small hands were tapping his face.

"Daddy! Wake up! It's morning!"

Tim squinted and then the hands were gone and replaced by an earthquake. He opened his eyes and sat up to see Tommy jumping merrily on the bed.

"Daddy! It's morning!" he said again.

"Yes, it is, Tommy," Tim said and yawned. He raised his arms above his head and stretched.

...and then was knocked back to the bed when Tommy took that gesture as an invitation and launched himself at his dad before he was ready. If he wasn't already awake, he would definitely be awake now. Tim began tickling Tommy until he shrieked with laughter. Then, he let him go.

"Okay, Tommy. I'm up and you definitely are. Let's see if we woke up Tony, okay?"

Tommy jumped on the bed a couple more times and then nodded. They walked out into the main room and saw that Tony's door was still closed.

"He must be still asleep," Tim said.

"Can we wake him up, Daddy?"

It was extremely tempting, but Tim shook his head.

"Nope. Not this time. You need to go to the bathroom and then we both need to get dressed. If Tony is still asleep then, we'll wake him up. Okay?"

"Okay."

Tommy ran into the bathroom and slammed the door. Tim shook his head. If Tony wasn't awake after that, he must be really out of it.

As if on cue, the door to the other bedroom opened and Tony came out rubbing his hands over his face.

"Oh, Tony, Tommy is going to be so disappointed," Tim said.

"What? Why?"

"Because he didn't get to wake you up...like he did me."

Tony laughed and yawned. "And how did he wake you up?"

"By smacking me in the face and then jumping on my bed."

"I'll pass, thanks," Tony said.

"I figured you would. How did you sleep?"

"Okay. You?"

"Okay."

"Tommy slept well?"

Tim laughed. "Yeah. That's why he was awake before me."

"Ah. You ready to get on the road?"

"Yeah. As soon as we have breakfast."

"Okay. Just let me get myself ready."

"Don't take too long primping," Tim said with a grin.

"Ha. Very funny. I still haven't forgotten your lotion," Tony said.

"Well, then, your memory is better than mine. What lotion is that?"

"The smelly lotion you kept in your bathroom."

"When in the world did you look in my bathroom?"

"One of the times we came over to get you because you were taking too long."

Tim rolled his eyes, but then, Tommy came out of the bathroom.

"Tony, you woke up! I wanted to wake you up," he said.

"Not this time," Tony said. "I'm not sure I could take it."

He went into the bathroom and Tim got Tommy to help him gather their stuff. Then, they all went down to have breakfast before checking out and getting on their way. Tony was driving first because Tim would be driving back to D.C. after dropping him off at Monticello. As they went along, they didn't have anything particularly in mind, but after they'd been driving for about an hour, Tony saw something.

"Hey, look at that! We're taking the next exit," he said.

Tim had been trying to teach Tommy how to play cat's cradle, with not much success. He looked up.

"What for?"

"We're going to Scotland, Probie," Tony said, with a grin.

"Scotland?"

"Yep. Scotland...Pennsylvania."

"Okay...why?"

"Because of the name. That's all. I just want a picture by a sign and all things considered, you don't have a leg to stand on when it comes to wanting to stop because of a name."

Tim grinned. "I'm not the one who fell."

Tony groaned. Tim had noticed a little bit of a limp as Tony had walked around before getting in the car, but he hadn't admitted to any soreness.

"We're still taking this exit."

"Fine by me. Tommy could probably use some time running around."

True to his word, Tony got off the interstate and drove until he found a place with a sign. Then, they all took turns standing by the sign and sent pictures to their families saying that they'd decided to go to Scotland. Scotland, Pennsylvania turned out to be quite small, lots of fields and farms. They saw some quaint barns and took some more pictures and then, they went and filled up the gas tank, even though they didn't need to and got back in the car, heading south.

x.x.x.x.x.x.x

Tommy had fallen asleep in the back, and Tony took the opportunity to ask a question that had popped into his mind that morning. They'd been talking occasionally, but with Tommy sleeping, they were both enjoying the relative silence.

"Hey, Tim."

"Yeah?"

"What were you going to say?" Tony asked, glancing over.

He saw Tim's brow furrow.

"I wasn't saying anything. I wasn't even singing along with the radio this time."

"No, back in Bar Harbor. You said that if you stayed there, you'd say things you'd regret later. What were you going to say?"

Tim raised an eyebrow.

"I'm just curious."

"Well, I'm not going to answer that question, Tony," Tim said.

"Why not?"

"Because I'm sure I'd regret you even hearing whatever I might have said."

"Whatever?"

"I didn't have anything in mind specifically at the time," Tim said. "I just knew that when I get mad, things slip out that I shouldn't say, and I didn't want to do that this time. So, no, Tony, I'm not even going to guess at what I might have said. Even if I knew for certain, I still wouldn't tell you."

"That bad, huh?"

"When I get mad, Tony, all bets are off," Tim said.

And he was serious. Tony realized anew that he really hadn't seen Tim angry very often, and that, on those rare times, Tim really did have an acid tongue. He really could wound with words. Considering how often Tim had been stammering and uncertain in the past, it was really rather impressive that he could so easily speak when the occasion presented itself.

"Why would you even want to hear stuff like that?" Tim asked.

"Because I'm impressed with how eloquent you are when you're mad."

Tim shook his head.

"I'm not."

"Why not? It's not like I haven't deserved it on occasion," Tony said.

He glanced over and saw that Tim really wasn't taking that as a compliment.

"It doesn't matter if you deserve it. I always feel bad afterward."

That was true, too. He remembered how quickly Tim had felt terrible even in the midst of his breakdown after Allison Jenkins had been killed. Tony had only needed to point out what he had said and Tim had felt bad about it.

"Sometimes, it took someone reminding me of what I said, but I always felt bad. There's no lasting satisfaction in insulting someone."

"Not even Gibbs?" Tony asked, and then regretted it. "Sorry."

There was a long pause and Tony looked over. Tim was looking away from him.

"I shouldn't have even mentioned him. I'm sorry," he said again.

"No, that's a perfect example of what happens when I let myself just lash out, Tony. The things I said to Gibbs were true. He deserved them, but when I was actually thinking again, I felt bad for saying them. I could have said the exact same things to him when I was...sane, and it wouldn't have been so bad just because I would have had control over how I said it. When I'm really angry, I fool myself into thinking I don't need to have control."

One more pause and Tony glanced over again. This time, Tim was looking at him, and Tony was surprised to see Tim with a bit of a smile on his face. It wasn't completely happy, but it was a smile.

"So be glad that I care enough to control myself around you, Tony," he said.

"Are we there yet, Daddy?" Tommy asked, sleepily from the back seat.

Tim raised an eyebrow at Tony, emphasizing that the conversation was now over. Then, he turned back.

"Not yet, Tommy. We have about an hour."

"Can you show me the cat's cradle again?" Tommy asked.

"Sure."

Tim got out the string and went back to trying to teach Tommy the movements needed to move the string into the various formations. Tony kept driving, but he was thinking about what Tim said and while Tim had probably been half joking (probably not much more than that), Tony really was glad that Tim cared enough to curb his tongue, even when he was angry. He hadn't appreciated that before, hadn't really even thought about it before, but now that he knew what Tim felt, he really did. One more unexpected insight into who Tim was.

Tony felt like, every time he assumed he knew Tim, he learned something more that showed he still had more depths that had yet to be seen. It wasn't even that Tim was hiding them. It was that it took something like this to bring them to the fore.

"Daddy, I slipped!" Tommy said.

"That's okay, Tommy. Let's try it again."

Tony smiled at Tim's patience.

This friendship was never boring. He couldn't complain about that.

x.x.x.x.x.x.x

Tim was really glad for the distraction Tommy had provided. He hadn't wanted to dwell on some of the things he'd said when he lost his temper. That was one reason why he was so determined to keep control of himself now. He didn't want that to become how he dealt with problems. He'd caused far too much pain to the people who meant most to him unintentionally. The last thing he wanted was to do it intentionally.

"Daddy, why does the string keep getting into knots?" Tommy complained.

"It takes practice, Tommy," Tim said.

"You don't make knots."

"My hands are bigger than yours. See?" Tim held up his hand, palm facing Tommy. Tommy looked at his hand and then put out his much smaller hand. Tim grinned and curled his fingers gently over Tommy's hand, completely covering it.

"Your hand is really big, Daddy," Tommy said, almost in awe. "Tony, is your hand really big, too?"

"Yep, but I can't show you until we get to Monticello. I'm driving and it's not safe."

"Okay."

Tommy pulled his hand away from Tim's and looked at it and then at Tim's hand again.

"Will my hand ever be that big, Daddy?"

"Probably. When you're bigger."

"My hands grow?"

"Yep. When we get home tonight, see how much bigger your hands are than your sisters' hands. Your hands were really small when you were their age, too."

Tommy stared at his hands for a few seconds, as if he was waiting for them to get bigger.

"You grow pretty slowly, Tommy. You won't be able to see it, but if we traced your hand now and then did it again next year, you'd see that your hand was bigger."

Tommy's eyes lit up.

"Let's do that, Daddy! Trace my hand!"

"You remind me when we get home and we will."

"Yea!"

"Do you want to get some of your books?"

Tommy nodded and Tim reached down and handed Tommy some of the little books he could mostly read. He read out loud, but he read. And when he didn't actually read the word, he just made it up. There were some interesting interpolations in the story of Jack and the Beanstalk. Tim didn't know that Jack had gone to the Moon on his way to the giant's house. He smiled at Tony as Tommy read. Tony just grinned back.

"Never boring," Tony said.

"Nope. Not with Tommy around," Tim said.

"Not with you, either."

Tim looked over and Tony just smiled and focused on the road.

Tommy started asking if they were there yet with about ten minutes to go until even Tim had to tell him that he wasn't allowed to ask that anymore. But finally, they were pulling into a parking spot at the visitor center.

"Are we there yet?" Tommy asked.

"Yes, Tommy, we're here," Tim said. "Stay in your seat for a minute."

Tony pulled out his phone and called Jo.

"Hey, we just got into the parking lot. Are you here?" he asked.

Then, Tony began looking around.

"Okay. We'll get out and head for the visitor center," he said. "See you in a minute."

He hung up.

"They're here?" Tim asked.

"Yeah. Jo said we should head over to the visitor center and they should be there."

"Great. Okay, Tommy. Time to get out. Remember the rules."

"I stay with you and I hold your hand," Tommy said.

Tony grinned and Tim knew Tony thought it was a little silly, but just having that rule drummed into Tommy's head had saved him a lot of anxiety.

They got out of the car and Tommy obediently took Tim's hand. Then, they walked across the lots toward the building housing the visitor center, where Tony and Jo would buy tickets for Monticello.

"Do you see them?" Tony asked.

"Not yet."

Tim liked seeing Tony peering around. For all that he knew Tony had some struggles in being a dad, he could see how much Tony cared about his family and that really did make a lot of difference.

"Tony!"

Tony turned and Tim saw him smile as the crowds parted and Jo was there waving with one hand, holding Sam with the other, and Grace and Daniel, already taller than she was, standing beside her. He hurried over and gave Jo a long kiss that made both Daniel and Grace act grossed out. Then, Tony hugged Daniel and then, Grace hugged Tony very tightly. Tim saw Tony whisper something to her and she laughed a little and then let him go. By that time, Tim and Tommy caught up to the group.

"Did you guys have a good time?" Jo asked. "Tommy did you have fun?"

"Yes! And guess what we saw!" Tommy said.

"Whoa, not yet, Tommy," Tim said. "If you start now, we'll never finish. How was your week?"

"It was fine. I think taking some time off will probably have forced the people I work with to appreciate me a little more," Jo said, grinning. "I think I fielded about twenty calls from people claiming to be in crisis. Only about three were genuine."

"Thirty-two calls," Daniel said. "I counted."

Jo chuckled. "Then, I was off. Daniel is way better than I am at keeping track of those details."

Tim smiled.

"Now, Tommy, I'll let you tell me what you saw."

Tommy began listing everything. Grace and Daniel were both listening, although Grace was trying to pretend that she wasn't. Then, Tommy got to the trip to the lake.

"And I took pictures of Daddy falling on Tony!"

"What?" Jo asked. "What in the world is..."

Tony actually looked a little embarrassed, but Tim started laughing.

"Okay. What is he talking about?"

Tommy started pulling on Tony's arm.

"Tony, show the pictures! I took lots of pictures."

"You have pictures?" Jo asked, a gleam in her eye.

"Tony, no getting out of it now," Tim said. "You'd better show everyone how ridiculous we looked and I'll just make sure everyone knows it was not my idea."

"For once," Tony said. Then, he reluctantly pulled out his camera. Jo snatched it from him and Tim could see the moment that she got to the pictures of Tony trying to hold Tim above his head because she started laughing very loudly. That got Daniel and Grace to come and peer over her shoulder. They started laughing, too.

"Tony, what in the world possessed you to even try that?"

"It was Tommy's idea," Tony said. "He wanted to see if Tim was as long as the name on the sign."

"Tommy, did you tell Tony to do it?" Jo asked.

"Yes!" Tommy said, proudly. Unlike Tony, he wasn't embarrassed at all.

Jo laughed again.

"I'm seeing it, but I still can't believe it. You two... I don't know if I should trust you to be alone."

"We weren't," Tim said. "Tommy was right there."

"Yes, I can see that. Documenting it for posterity. This is classic. It's definitely going into the photo album, Tony, and you'd better not delete them."

"And you'd better share them because Delilah will want to see it, too," Tim said.

"I'm not going to be able to show my face anywhere," Tony muttered as he took his camera back.

"You'll get over it," Tim said. "But Tommy and I should get on our last bit of driving and you guys should get into Monticello. This is one place where I'm pretty sure Tommy won't have much appreciation yet, and I want to get home to my family."

Jo gave him a hug and then, Tony surprised him by hugging him, too. As he did, he spoke in a low voice.

"Thanks, Tim. For all of it."

"Are you sure of that?" Tim asked.

"Positive. I really needed it. Thanks."

"Thank you," Tim said. "If you need anything..."

"I'll call."

"And I'll be there."

"I know."

"Good. About time," Tim said and smiled.

Tony smiled and slugged him lightly on the arm.

Then, it was time to go their separate ways. The end of a road trip, ending with neither of them actually at home yet, but that was okay. As their lives changed, the requirements for how the road trips went also changed.

But the heart of it was the same. Always the same.

Tim got Tommy back to the car as Tony and Jo herded their family toward the trail that would take them up to Monticello.