Chapter 24

"We're almost home, Tommy. Are you excited to see Mommy and Esther and Evelyn?" Tim asked, looking in the rear view mirror at his son.

"Yes!" Tommy said. "I want to show them everything we got and the pictures!" Tommy said happily. "Do you miss them, Daddy?"

"Yes. I always miss the family when I'm not with them. Even just when I go to work."

"Really? Do you miss me?"

"Yes," Tim said. "Nothing is more important than family."

"What about Tony? He's not family."

"Yes, he is, Tommy," Tim said.

"But he's not your brother. He's not Mommy's brother, either."

"There's more than one kind of family. Do you remember that Daniel and Grace aren't related to Tony, either?"

"Yes. He's going to adopt them. That means make them his family," Tommy said.

He'd heard Delilah and Tim talking about Tony's foster kids one day and had, of course, asked questions.

"Exactly. Well, no one adopted Tony, but I think of him as part of my family even though we're not related."

"So do you miss him, then, too?"

Tim smiled. "Yes. Before you were born, Tony and I worked in the same place and we saw each other every day. Sometimes, I wish we could do that again, but we have jobs in different cities."

Tommy was quiet for a few blissful seconds.

"So...can Tony be part of my family, too?"

"Yes, absolutely. Do you want him to be?"

"Yes!" Tommy said, happily.

"Okay. Then, you can tell him. He'll like that."

Tommy was enthusiastic about that idea and that carried them through until they finally pulled into the garage.

Home at last.

They walked into the house.

"Guess who's home!" Tim said.

Delilah was on the couch reading, and Esther and Evelyn were quietly playing on the floor.

That tranquility vanished as soon as Tim spoke. Both Esther and Evelyn jumped up and ran over to Tim, reaching their hands up to be held and squealing excitedly. Esther got to him first, as usual. While Tim picked them both up and hugged and kissed them, Tommy ran over to Delilah and hugged her, all the while trying to say everything all at once.

"Da!" Esther said and gave him a slobbery kiss. "Da home!"

"Daddy!" Evelyn said. "Love you!"

Tim loved hearing it from them every time. He set the two of them down and then was happy to see them run over to Tommy and hug him, too. Tommy wasn't quite as interested (although he did measure his hands against theirs to see how much bigger his were) but he was happy to give them the toys he'd picked out to give them. They were excited to get them.

"Do you know how nice and quiet it was in here before you walked in?" Delilah asked as Tim walked over to join her on the couch. She set her book aside and Tim sat down.

"I'm sure it was great."

Delilah leaned over and kissed him soundly.

"It was, but having you two back is greater. Welcome back, Tim," she said. "I missed you."

"I missed you, too."

"We have souvenirs and pictures and lots to tell you," Tim said. "Right, Tommy?"

"Show the pictures, Daddy!" Tommy said.

"Good idea. Let's do that."

And they spent much of the afternoon just showing what they had done on the road trip. Sitting on the couch, his wife and children sitting there with him, Tim wasn't sure there was a better place in the entire world.

x.x.x.x.x.x.x

Tony stepped into the house and dropped his bag on the floor.

"It is good to be home," he said.

"Great," Jo said as she carried Sam inside. "Don't leave your bag on the floor. At least put it in the laundry room."

"And here, I thought you might have missed me a little bit," Tony said and then leaned over and chucked Sam's chin, evoking a bit of a smile.

"We did, but I still don't want your dirty clothes by the door," Jo said and reached up to kiss him.

"They're not that dirty. ...except maybe the ones from when Tim and Tommy threw wet sand at me."

"Why did they do that?" Jo asked, grinning.

"Because I wasn't getting into the water with them," Tony said. "And because Tim can be surprisingly childish when he wants to be."

"Child-like, I'd say, more than childish."

"What's the difference?"

"The difference between the innocence of a child, that kind of wonder you don't see in adults usually and the petulance of a child who isn't getting his way," Jo said. "Put your bag in the laundry room. I won't even make you start it tonight."

"Thank you, ma'am," Tony said, with a mock salute.

"Are we going to eat out tonight?" Daniel asked, hopefully.

Tony smiled. "Unless Jo wants to, nope. I've been eating out for the last week. I'd rather stay home and cook."

"Are you cooking?" Jo asked.

"Yes."

"Then, that's just fine with me."

Cue the teenage whining. Tony ignored it and put his bag in the laundry room. Then, he went to the kitchen.

"Any requests or do you just want to complain?" Tony asked.

"Something not Italian," Grace said.

"Yes!" Daniel agreed quickly.

"You're wounding me here," Tony said, putting his hand over his heart. "How could you even say that?"

"Oh, come on," Grace said. "The only thing Italian about you is your name."

"And my cooking."

"Something Indian," Daniel said. "Please? Jo never dares do Indian."

"It's too spicy," Grace complained.

"Doesn't have to be. Let's see what ingredients we have," Tony said. "If we have them, then, we'll do Indian."

Daniel actually came into the kitchen to help him out while Grace pouted in the living room. Usually, he worried about doing anything that might make Grace leave him, but for whatever reason, that wasn't happening today.

"How about chicken tikka masala?" Tony suggested. "And if your sister will help out, we can do some naan bread, too."

"Grace!" Daniel shouted. "Come and help me make naan! You like naan!"

There was a brief period of silence, just long enough for Daniel to start to look worried. In fact, he took a step toward the living room. Tony just smiled and shook his head.

Sure enough, Grace came into the kitchen, still pouting but not overtly complaining.

"Chicken tikka masala doesn't have to be as spicy," Tony said. "We'll back it off a bit, and you can use the naan to calm it down, too. Okay?"

"Okay," Grace said, grudgingly.

However, she and Daniel were soon working together to make the naan, and Tony looked over to see Jo watching all the kitchen happenings with a contented smile. He smiled back. His life wasn't in the form he'd expected it to be, but overall, it was what he'd always wanted.

x.x.x.x.x.x.x

Tim looked in on Evelyn and Esther and they were both sound asleep for the moment. He never tired of seeing them. They were still a little small for their age, and Esther was a bit language delayed, but other than that, they seemed to have completely overcome the chaos of their birth.

...and he himself had mostly overcome it as well. Every time he got to see them being just normal little girls, he felt better.

"Tim?"

He looked over his shoulder and saw Delilah.

"Just checking on the girls. They're asleep."

"Good. So is Tommy. He kept talking about the trip until I made him lay down. Then, he was out like a light."

"That doesn't surprise me. Either part."

Delilah rolled over close to him and took his hand.

"He loves you so much, Tim. He'll probably be talking about this trip for weeks. It was so good of you to take him along."

"I love him, too, you know."

Delilah laughed a little.

"You ready to tell me what you couldn't with the kids awake?" she asked.

"Yeah."

They went into the living room and Delilah maneuvered herself on to the couch beside Tim.

"So Tony's dad died and he didn't say anything to you?"

"Nope, he didn't," Tim said.

"You seem pretty okay with it now."

"I am...mostly. Now. I wasn't."

"How bad?" Delilah asked.

"The only way I kept myself from saying a lot of really nasty things was by walking away from him and avoiding him for the next two hours."

Delilah took his hand.

"After everything you two have been through, I can't believe he wouldn't say something. Why did he keep that from you?"

"He didn't want it to be a big deal and if he told me, he'd have to admit that it was. And..." Tim sighed. Even now, this was the thing that bugged him the most. "...and because he didn't want me to be upset."

"What?"

"He felt that his job was to make sure that I was fine, not to give me something to worry about because he decided I had enough to worry about."

"I can hear it in your voice, Tim. You were really mad about that."

"Yeah."

"I don't blame you...but I don't really have it in me to blame Tony, either."

"You don't think I can handle being there to support my best friend? Tim asked, a little irritated.

"No, that's not what I think, Tim," Delilah said. "What I think is that, with everything you've had to deal with and everything Tony has helped you with, I can see why he would default to worrying about putting you in a bad head space. I think he was wrong about that because you being there for him would not be anything like what you've gone through, but I think I might understand that a little bit."

Tim still felt that annoyance, and it was obvious that Delilah could tell. She took his hand and squeezed it.

"Tim, you've had a lot of problems that you've had to work through in the last few years, and you've done that, but it's been hard. I get that he didn't want to make things hard for you again."

"Well, I still don't, but fine."

"You sound a little sulky," Delilah said, smiling a bit.

"I might feel that way."

"Tim, it's not a comment on your strength or weakness. It's just acknowledging the reality of your life."

"Uh-huh. Well, we had it out a bit when he got back from the whales."

"I thought you saw them."

"We did. The first time, Tony went by himself because I left, and he didn't see any."

"Oh."

"We talked about it some and then tried to set it aside, but the next morning, he tried to pass it all off as just a small thing, that it was nothing I should worry about, that everything would be fine. And I called him on that and gave him... a lecture."

Delilah actually laughed at the term.

"You cussed him out, didn't you."

"Yeah."

"He probably needed it and I haven't seen you mad very much, but you do a good job of expressing yourself when you control your anger."

Tim smiled a little.

"But then, as we were going back to Boston to get Tommy, I woke up during the night and Tony was crying."

"Tony was crying?" Delilah asked, sounding almost shocked.

"Yeah. I don't know that I've ever seen him even close to that before. We talked a little more and Tony finally admitted that this was a big deal, that he was going to need time to deal with it all."

"That's good. Really, Tim, that's great that you got him to say it. Tony is a great guy, and he's been there for you through a lot of things but he's worse than you are at admitting he might need some help."

"The thing is, I was terrified that I was going to do everything wrong. As much as I wanted to help him, I was afraid that I wouldn't be able to, that I'd make things worse. Tony says that I didn't, but I worried about it."

"I'm not surprised," Delilah said. She cupped her hand on his cheek. "You feel responsibility for too much sometimes, and I'm glad when you're willing to accept some help. But I'm really glad that you could give back because I know that's something you've wanted to be able to do for Tony."

Tim covered her hand with his and then pulled it around to his lips and kissed it.

"I love these road trips, but I always miss you when I'm gone."

Delilah pulled him over and kissed him on the lips.

"I always miss you, too, but I could tell that you needed the break. Did you get it, even with all this?"

"Yeah, I did. I had to explain to Tony that sometimes, I really do just need a break and dwelling on my problems doesn't help. I might even have convinced him that I was telling the truth."

Delilah laughed.

"And," Tim said, getting serious again. "I told Tony that he's still part of our family, even now. That whatever help he might need now or in the future, we'll be there for him because he's family."

Delilah interlaced her fingers with Tim's.

"Absolutely, Tim. If he needs us, he's got us." Then, she got a mischievous look on her face. "But do you know what I need right now?"

Tim grinned back. "I'm getting a feeling."

"Good. I'd say race you to the bedroom, but I still have to get in my chair and if we wake up the kids, this is not going to happen tonight."

"Then, forget the chair," Tim said. "I'll get it later."

He stood up, picked Delilah up in his arms and carried her back to their bedroom where he showed her just how much he had missed her.

x.x.x.x.x.x.x

Jo was rocking Sam in the nursery. Grace and Daniel were in their room asleep. Hopefully, they'd be confident enough to sleep in separate rooms soon, but that wasn't happening yet. They'd each been the only constant in life for each other and while that need was lessening, it was too soon to separate them, even just for the night.

Tony had checked to make sure that they were actually asleep. He didn't want them eavesdropping.

Sam was too young to eavesdrop.

He walked into the nursery and sat down beside Jo. Sam was nearly asleep. She smiled at Tony.

"I'm glad you're back," she said. "I never realized just how much I'd miss you when you were gone."

"I missed you, too."

Jo took a breath and then gave him a significant look.

"You were right. I already told you that you were," he said.

"So what are you going to do about it?" she asked.

"Do?"

"Yeah, Tony. If you're admitting that this is a big deal and that you're not getting over it anytime soon, what are you doing to do about it? Do you think you want to talk to someone?"

"No."

Then, Jo smiled. "Do you think you need to talk to someone about it?"

"I don't know. And that's me being honest, Jo. I really don't know."

Jo looked at Sam and then stood up and carefully lay him down in the crib. Sam stirred as she set him down, but he didn't wake. She watched him for a few seconds. Then, she walked to Tony, took him by the hand and pulled him into their bedroom. She pushed him gently down onto the bed.

"Tony, some people don't need to talk to a therapist after a family member dies. Some people are able to grieve and recover just with the support from friends and family, but if this is bothering you as much as you seem to be admitting that it does, maybe you should try it. I know that your dad was far from great. I mean, he didn't even show up to our wedding because he forgot the date."

"Don't remind me," Tony said.

"All that means is that it's more complicated for you than it would be for me. When my dad dies, I'll be really sad, even if he's 90 years old and blind and crippled and infirm and death is a release. Even then, I'll be sad, but it'll be something I can recover from because I can always hold onto the happy memories. Do you have that?"

Tony thought about the picture in his wallet. The stand-in for a genuine happy memory. It was such a generic picture that he didn't even remember when or where the picture had been taken.

He shook his head.

"Not a one. It's not that I have all bad memories, but..."

"You're dodging again," Jo said. "They don't have to be 100 percent miserable to be bad. You told me about him leaving you in the hotel room. Tony, that's neglect! I can't tell you how many times I've seen that in kids. It's neglect and it's damaging. That's why Grace and Daniel have so many problems. It's not the abuse. It's the fact that they grew up knowing their family didn't care about them. At least not enough to show it. You need to admit that what you had was neglect at best and emotional abuse at worst."

"It wasn't abuse," Tony said.

"I don't know if it was or not, but emotional abuse isn't just about screaming or hating. It can be about apathy, Tony."

"You've never said any of this before," Tony said, raising an eyebrow at her.

"That's because you seemed bound and determined not to admit that you had a problem, and until your dad died, you seemed to have managed it pretty well, but this has bothered you so much that I've been worried. Tony, I love you. I wouldn't have married you if I didn't. I wouldn't have married you if I wasn't willing to take your flaws along with your pretty face."

She smiled slightly and stroked his cheek. Tony grimaced and gently batted her hand away.

"But it hurts to see you hurt, and from the moment you told me your dad was dead, I could tell that you were hurting. I don't even know exactly what it is that hurts you most, but I can see it and I don't want that for you."

Tony was quiet for a long time, and to her credit, Jo didn't push anything. She just waited. Then, finally he sighed.

"Tim really got mad at me when I told him. When he was willing to talk to me again, I even admitted that you had tried to get me to say something sooner, but what scared me was... It wasn't Tim being mad at me. I didn't like that. You never want Tim genuinely mad at you. Ever. I learned that even better this time, but it didn't scare me."

"Then, what did?" Jo asked, gently.

"That Tim might take back what he said about me being part of his family." Tony reached out and took Jo's left hand. He began playing with the ring on her finger. "What scares me most is not having a family. Dad was family. As miserable, disappointing and neglectful as he was, he was still family because, when you're related by blood, you can't take that away, no matter what else happens. Everything else could go away, but not that. When Dad died, that was the last of my family. And I was terrified that Tim might take away the family he'd given me. There's no way he can ever know how much that meant to me when he first told me that he considered me to be part of his family." Tony looked at Jo. "For years after that first road trip we took when he was falling apart at the seams, he was constantly saying thank you because of what I did for him. I tried to get him to stop. I told him that once was enough and he said it could never be enough. He still thanks me more than he should. ...but I get that feeling. If I was more like him, I'd be thanking him every day for giving me another family. A real one."

Small as she was, Jo was strong and Tony had always loved the strength he could feel when she hugged him. Now, she pulled her hand away from him and then wrapped her arms around him and held him tightly. She still didn't say anything. Tony just let her hug him, enjoying that security.

"The fact that I've got you now is because Tim taught me about having a real family. And I never want to lose that, Jo. Not you, not our kids, not Tim."

"You won't, Tony," Jo said, finally. "You won't. I don't make promises lightly. The ceremony we had, the vows we made. We said that they're for life and I meant it. The only way that I'd break those vows would be if you suddenly turned into a psycho, and I don't see that happening anytime soon."

Tony smiled at that, but he also felt that ominous tightening of the throat and, even now, he really didn't want to start crying. Instead, he turned himself enough that he could return the hug Jo was giving him.

"I love you, Jo," he said, softly.

"I love you, Tony," she said. "Never doubt it and never forget it. And if you want to talk to someone about all this, I'll be there for you. If you don't, I'll still be there. ...but I can't guarantee that I won't hound you if I think you're making a mistake."

Tony laughed and pulled back.

"I can take that."

"Good." She reached up and kissed him. She leaned into the kiss...

...until there was an impatient squawk from the nursery. They both groaned.

"My turn," Tony said. "Can you hold that thought?"

"Maybe. If you're fast," Jo said.

"I'll try."

Tony headed back to the nursery. Even with the bad timing that only a baby could have, he could never give up the family he had now. He knew that and he knew that he needed to do whatever it took to keep it.

...and for now, that meant changing a diaper.

"You have terrible timing, Sam," he said to the whining baby. "But I love you anyway."