Wow so I guess you guys like it lol. This chapter is a bit of a backtrack from the prologue, it's set before that to kind of give a bit of explanation into what exactly was going on in the opening. Also to those of you who voted in the poll thanks. There was overwhelming support for one name so that's what I went with.

There are images of Gwen and Austin on my profile and Gwen's gala dress if you want to check them out!

To my reviewers: wrighthangal, Krazy4Spike, CBfanhere, CarolinaGirl21, GGfanficfan09, Cecrecy, andi, tinamarie333, Kadlin, SouthernBelle88, Maribells, Sw33tHeart21, Stella296, Noirreigne, CuriousBlonde, LovelyLydia, LitPrincess2787, Maddtown, and GGfan73104. The response to the prologue was amazing and completely unexpected. You guys are awesome and I hope you enjoy this chapter.

Thanks to my always amazing beta ggff-fan!

Chapter 1: In the Days Before

"Where do you think you're going?" Chuck mumbled as he held fast to Gwen's arm.

Gwen looked down at her boyfriend, the man she'd thought to be asleep. His hair was disheveled, his eyes still shut, the sheet not quite covering his bare chest. "Chuck I have a plane to catch." She spoke softly but firmly as she tucked a piece of hair behind her ear with the hand Chuck wasn't holding fast to.

Groaning, Chuck tugged her arm toward him. "No, postpone the trip. Stay here."

Laughing Gwen sat gingerly back down on the bed. Smiling as she ran one hand through his mess of hair. "You know I can't. The board is going to name me as CEO next week and I have to go tie up the loose ends at the Italy office."

Opening his eyes slowly, he gazed at the woman before him. Even as her words brought him back to the first time he met her.

"God damn it Arthur get out of my office!"

Chuck heard the shouting from down the hallway and increased the speed of his somewhat leisurely stroll. He was here to see Michael Chancellor, the CEO of Avalon Cosmetics concerning a joint business venture they were hosting at Chuck's new set of clubs. Avalon was supposed to add the mystic edge Bass Industries had become known for. But walking instead to where he heard shouts he ran into a young man, probably close to his age, fleeing an office.

Curiosity getting the better of him, Chuck looked inside to find a girl about the age of the young man, sitting at a desk with her head in her hands. "You sure sent him running." Chuck spoke, his usual suggestive tone in place as he walked into the room.

"My brother will get over it." Gwen spoke through her emotions, head still in her hands.

"Are you okay?" He asked, his usual suave put on hold as he actually felt compassion towards the young woman.

Looking up Gwen met the eyes of the young man in front of her. "Who the hell are you?" She practically spat. At the same time she was quick to absorb his handsome features and kept appearance. He must be a business associate of her fathers. That's when she remembered her father's ten o'clock appointment. "You're Chuck Bass." She spoke with a nod.

Chuck shot her a slightly confused yet still concerned impression, this girl's erratic behavior was throwing him. "Yes I'm here to see Mr. Chancellor. We're supposed to discuss the opening of Fleur de Lis."

Gwen knew what Chuck was talking about, she'd been against the business venture with Bass Industries from the start - why should Avalon Cosmetics involve themselves in a line of high class night clubs? Her father on the other hand had insisted it worked with their Lifestyles line. "Are you heartless?" She spoke with narrowed eyes, though as she did she reasoned that from his current appearance Chuck Bass was behind on the times, if he'd come here today, especially without calling to confirm that there was still a meeting. Yes, Chuck was completely lost. "You haven't heard the news yet have you?"

Chuck walked slowly forward taking in the girl before him. She'd been crying when he'd gotten there he was sure of it, but now you wouldn't have been able to tell. She had an inner strength driving her but she was dealing with something she wasn't sure she was strong enough to handle. Angelic features and long blonde hair could have made her look like a brainless Barbie but her eyes were far too alert and discerning for him to make that mistake - eyes that were a deep brown. "I just flew in from Beijing - I confess I might be a bit behind."

Gwen scoffed, narrowing her eyes. "So it hasn't gone international yet." She spat more to herself than him, before turning her attention back to Chuck. "My whore of a stepmother was sleeping with my uncle - on the table of the boardroom I might add. Granted they were much closer in age, "

Chuck had actually met the stepmother the woman was referring to and thought she was quite trashy, not that he'd said anything to Mr. Chancellor about it; it had been obvious that the man was enamored by her.

"You see, we've all known about that for a while - except Daddy of course, he was blind to that little witch. But it became public knowledge when Daddy, along with half the board, walked in on them." Gwen spoke, pausing for a moment as she looked away.

Chuck made a movement to speak, or stop her from continuing. This was all a little personal. But Gwen held up her hand and continued.

Looking back at Chuck, hand still slightly raised she continued. "My father had a heart attack when he caught them."

Chuck was flooded by a sense of panic and insecurity, not to mention sympathy. "I hope he's doing well."

Gwen's jaw was locked as she spoke her next words. "The funeral was yesterday."

Mentally, Chuck cursed himself for his attitude when he'd walked in. The girl had just lost her father, she didn't need him in her business. Not to mention he should have called to confirm the appointment. "I am truly sorry. Michael was a good man."

Gwen shrugged a little. "Don't be. It would never have happened if he hadn't left my mother for that skank."

She paused a moment and in that moment Chuck could see just how sad she was. "You want to go somewhere and talk?" He asked, unsure of why he was offering to console a girl who'd been nothing but rude to him. Empathy was never his thing.

Gwen looked at Chuck strangely, sure she was about to say no, surprising herself more than him when she'd said okay.

Pushing himself to a sitting position he leaned in and placed a soft kiss on her lips. "I'm proud of you - you know that right?"

Gwen nodded and placed another kiss on his lips. "Of course." She spoke softly. "Thank you for believing that I could do this - believing that the board would choose me over my brothers."

Chuck nodded. "I'm always going to believe in you." He knew what he said was true, he believed in Gwen more than he believed that the sun would rise in the next few hours. She was strong, stronger than she often realized and confident almost to a fault. And they supported each other equally - each finding they excelled on their own but always had the other to fall back on. "I wish I could come with you - keep you company."

Gwen looked at Chuck affectionately. "But your place is here at Bass Industries."

Nodding in agreement, Chuck traced the line of her jaw. "My place is here. Hurry home from Italy, I have a surprise waiting for you when you get back."

Gwen's eyes lit up. "A surprise. You know I love surprises."

Chuck smirked. "Oh I know and let me just say that this particular surprise is good, even for me." He couldn't help the light feeling in his stomach that he felt every time he looked at her, the fire he felt touching her, and the all consuming love he felt being with her. The first time he'd felt the lightness it had scared the hell out of him, but now it was in a sense life affirming.

It had been a long time since Chuck had been nervous about a girl. Several months if you counted Blair, years if you didn't. Yet here he stood with a feeling that could only be classified as nerves seeping through his system.

He'd invited Gwen to the gala on a whim. Their conversation at lunch had been good, they had a definite connection. Both were young but both had undertaken a lot of responsibility since the death of their fathers. And both had a certain resilience about them that seemed to inform everyone that they'd do whatever it took to come out on the other side of whatever they were faced with.

He wasn't sure what it was in particular that had made him want to see her again. Maybe it was her beauty but there were beautiful girls all over New York, maybe it was their similarities, but he had a feeling that wasn't it either. Gwen had this sparkle about her that seemed to draw him in. He simply wanted to know her. So three days ago at the conclusion of lunch he'd invited her to join him at the 10th Annual Bass Industries Gala.

Now he waited anxiously at the foot of the grand staircase for her arrival. He'd been required to attend a board function prior to the Gala so he'd sent the limo to collect her. Arthur had called to tell him that he'd picked her up almost half an hour ago but she'd yet to arrive.

Engaging in light conversation with the gentleman next to him, Chuck might have missed it if the room hadn't quieted. The change in the air was almost palpable as he turned on his heels to face the stairs once more. She was impossible to miss. Her hair fell down her back in waves leaving her shoulders exposed in an incredible red dress. As she descended the stairs Chuck couldn't have looked away if he had wanted to. She was breathtaking.

Taking her hand in his as she reached the bottom of the staircase Chuck placed an almost careful kiss on her hand before tucking it inside his arm. In turn she lifted her perfect eyebrows at him as a light smirk seemed to rise to her lips. "Such the gentleman tonight."

"I'm always a gentleman." Chuck spoke, his voice low almost dark as he handed her a glass of champagne.

Gwen shook her head slowly, raising the glass to her lips. "Maybe I'm not looking for a gentleman." He could feel the energy sparking between the two of them as she spoke again. "But maybe I am."

He responded to her statement with a smile and led her out on the almost open dance floor. "Tonight we'll have fun and I'll be a gentleman and we can see where we go from there."

Smiling as he began to lead her around the dance floor, Gwen knew that they were testing one another but she didn't mind. Their connection was clear but they were seeing what the other was made of. He knew already that she wasn't shy or afraid of talk as she'd ventured out to this gala only a week after her father's death. And she knew that he wasn't all what his reputation claimed he was by the fact that he had asked her on a real date. And on top of that she knew he could dance. "Where'd you learn to waltz?" She asked curiously.

Chuck felt a shudder slip down his spine at the memory of years passed but he realized in that moment that the shudder wasn't quite so painful as it normally was, it was almost just a flicker. Looking into her eyes, he was completely taken aback. For the first time the memory of Blair hadn't sent him running, for the first time he was still standing tall appreciating the beauty of another woman. "Cotillion." He spoke after a lengthy pause. "And you?"

Gwen knew that something different had just passed between her and Chuck. She knew that something about him had just changed because now the intensity and awe he was gazing at her with was simply incredible. The only word she could think of was wonderstruck. "My mother insisted I learn. So she sent me to lessons."

"You didn't Deb?" Chuck asked actually curious. He didn't remember the last time a girl who was a part of their world hadn't been a Debutante.

Gwen shook her head with a smirk coming to her face once more. "I'm newer money than you Bass. My father made his money around the time I started high school."

Chuck took the new information in stride. He should have realized. Avalon was a newer company of course but he didn't think it was quite that new. "I thought Avalon was older than that." Chuck spoke in response to the inquiring look on her face.

Nodding Gwen considered her next words carefully before she spoke. "Avalon was founded before I was born. But my father struggled at first. He wouldn't take help from anyone. Not to mention he had a few . . . vices that he was funding on the side."

Chuck didn't have to ask what she meant by vices, he knew them well. Drugs, Gambling, Sex.

Swallowing as she looked into Chuck's ever attentive eyes, Gwen surprised herself at how much she was willing to share. "My mom helped him get his act together when I was a freshman, just so that he could throw her out on her ass the second he made it big."

"I'm sorry." Chuck said with a frown. He knew from experience what it was like to doubt one's father. He'd been there time and time again.

Gwen shrugged. "It's made me who I am." Shaking her head Gwen started to laugh. "You know, I wouldn't even trade the fact that I went to public school."

Chuck's eyebrows shot up. "Public school?"

Gwen was still laughing as she nodded. "Hard to imagine isn't it? I'm so polished and proper yet I went to a public high school in Tennessee of all places."

Chuck couldn't help but shake his head as he began to laugh with her. "So it's made you who you are?"

"It has." Gwen spoke as she began to calm down, her heart beat returning to normal as her laugher slowed. The intensity had returned to Chuck's gaze and she was anxiously waiting to hear what he was about to say; for what reason she wasn't sure.

"Maybe more people should go to public school." Chuck spoke, his voice dropping lower.

Smiling Gwen allowed him to pull her closer. "Maybe they should."

The night seemed to pass in a happy blur as they alternated between dancing and working the room. They continued to find that they were almost perfect compliments. She had a groundness about her that seemed to charm everyone she spoke with yet at the same time she was the picture of beauty and elegance. Every time Chuck looked at her he felt it, he felt his heart quicken. He never wanted this feeling to stop.

As the night drew to a close and people began to leave Chuck spun her on the floor one last time. Drawing her in he caught her chin with his fingers, feeling the energy pulse between them he watched her chest rise and fall as she tilted her chin upwards. She was as nervous as he was yet at the same time she seemed so certain as she parted her lips ever slightly.

Slowly realizing that permission had been granted, Chuck leaned his mouth forwards and allowed his lips to tenderly touch hers. Moving his lips against hers felt almost like a dance in itself as his whole body seemed to come alive. He hadn't felt like this in so long – he just never wanted it to stop.

As Chuck kissed her, Gwen felt her entire world awaken. Reaching up she wrapped her hands around his head pulling him more tightly to her. Deepening the kiss she felt herself rise to the tip of her toes in his arms. She didn't care who saw or what they'd say on page 6 the next day. All she cared about was the way Chuck made her feel and right now she felt exquisite.

Breaking away Chuck was breathing heavily as he stared into her deep brown eyes. "Stay with me tonight." He spoke his voice nothing more than a low rumble.

Gasping Gwen could feel his body heat through her dress, seemingly magnified by its connection to her own body. She froze there, staring deeply into Chuck's eyes and assessing every thought and feeling running through her. Quickly releasing her hands from around his neck, she allowed them to slide onto his shoulders and down to his lapels. Smiling she shook her head. "No. I don't think so."

Disappointment coursed through him. How could he be the only one who'd felt it? It wasn't possible was it? But if she'd felt it like he'd felt it she wouldn't be going home tonight. "Why?" He asked increasingly confused.

At that Gwen smirked. "Because I think I might actually like you Chuck Bass." Pausing she leaned forwards until her mouth was against his ear. "But you're going to have to work for it."

Chuck couldn't help but return her smirk even as he shook his head. "Challenge accepted."

"Good. I look forward to it." Gwen spoke, her voice all business as she took a step backwards. "Now if you'll call Arthur I'll be requiring the use of your limo."

Smiling Chuck nodded. And as he put her into the limo a few minutes later he couldn't help but smile because he knew she'd felt it too. They'd both felt the start of something new, something incredible.

So much had changed in the year or so since that night at the Gala but Chuck knew that that night had changed his life in every way that mattered.

Smiling Gwen kissed him again before standing. "I can't wait."

"I love you Gwen." Chuck spoke, his voice low but powerful at the same time. He'd learned over time that each and every time was special and important and meant something.

Gwen looked at Chuck one of her hands holding lightly to one of his. "I love you too Chuck, more than I've ever loved anyone."

Chuck's smile brightened even as she pulled away. He was careful with those three words but Gwen usually threw them around like they were nothing. Yet she always seemed to have a way of showing him how much she meant them.

Staring across the table, Blair peered at Austin over her reading glasses. She smirked a little thinking how unnecessary the reading glasses were, she just liked that they made her look intelligent - something her fiancé needed no help with. She watched as he pushed his tousled brown hair back over his head and bit his lip in concentration. As she poured over wedding plans, he diligently studied for finals. Unlike Austin, she had already studied for finals - he on the other hand had opted to procrastinate until the last minute.

"What?" He asked with a self-conscious grin, looking up as he noticed her stare. His mind drifting to the first time he'd ever seen her, the moment he knew she was going to be in his life for as long as he could keep her. The moment he'd met her, each of them at the end of their junior year at Duke University, each of them applying to Stanford Law, he'd known he'd never met anyone like her.

Austin smirked to himself as he spotted the brunette who'd just walked into the advising waiting room. Her dark chocolate curls just resting on her shoulders, her sunglasses still on. Everything about her was impeccable and something screamed confidence. He also quickly noted that like many Duke girls, she wasn't from the south, her wardrobe screamed northern; however completely breaking the stereotype for Duke girls, she was one of the most beautiful girls he'd ever seen.

She took the seat across from him and before he knew it he was speaking. "Pre-Law?" He asked an obvious question to his voice. It was Pre-Law hell week at Duke - they were required to report to advising with the schools they were planning to apply to so that advising could schedule their visits for the summer. Not to mention they were required to sign up for a series of LSAT classes. It was the start of everything that would go on to define the rest of their lives.

Blair lifted her eyes from her cell phone and looked at the young man in front of her appraisingly. He was cute, slightly tousled brown hair, classic good looks, and an air of good breeding about him - he came from money; who was she kidding, he was more than cute, he was downright gorgeous. "And you are?" She asked, her voice strong with only a tinge of condescension.

"Austin Davenport." He spoke, amused by the girl before him; something about her was utterly surprising. As he spoke he extended his hand for her to shake.

Blair's eyebrows lifted in surprise though she was doing her best to mask that particular emotion. She didn't care for this new acquaintance of hers to know just yet what she was thinking about him. Not until she had placed him into a category. Either he wasn't on her radar, he was competition, or in the rarer instances - a possible friend. In the past she might have had a fourth category and he might have qualified but she was done with that for a long time. Yet still she couldn't quite disguise her interest as she lifted her sunglasses, placing them on her head. "Of the Charleston Davenports?"

This time it was Austin who raised his eyebrows. "Not often I meet someone who knows that." He spoke hand still outstretched. "We only lived there the first seven years of my life, the next seven in England, and then the last seven in Chicago." He spoke without really thinking why - he never spoke this much but he felt on edge around her. He wanted to seem impressive. Struggling to regain his usual cavalier attitude, Austin spoke. "Do I get a name?"

Blair smirked slightly, finally placing her hand in his. "Blair Waldorf."

"Of the New York Waldorf's?" He countered immediately.

Blair nodded, holding back a grimace at the mention of New York, she wasn't quite ready to endure mention of that city that was once so much a part of her. That part of her was gone, the New York Blair Waldorf was dead. "Of the New York Waldorf's." She confirmed.

"So which schools are you applying too?" Austin asked, desperate to continue the conversation as she removed her hand from his. She was drawing him in like a magnet and he couldn't even begin to look away.

The smirk returned to Blair's lips as she corrected him. "School. Singular."

Austin found a little bit of his normal swagger returning and he thanked whatever higher power existed because now was not the time for his charm to disappear. "That sure of your decision?"

Lifting one eyebrow merely centimeters Blair replied. "That confident that I only need one." When Austin stayed silent for a moment, she spoke more to pass the time than anything else. "What about you? What are your schools of choice?"

Giving her a half smile he mimicked her earlier words. "School. Singular."

"That confident?" She asked parroting her own reasoning.

Austin nodded. "It's the only one I've ever wanted."

"Which is?" Blair asked leadingly.

Austin shook his head. "I was the one that asked you first."

Shrugging Blair leaned back in her seat. "Fine, you don't have to tell me."

Sighing as he realized that the girl he was dealing with wasn't like the girls he was used to and his easy charm wasn't going to be quite enough to win her over, he caved quickly. "Stanford. I'm only applying to Stanford."

And just like that Austin was categorized. . .competition. Blair's face remained a perfect mask as she leaned in once more. "You should reconsider because you're not getting that spot."

Surprise lit his eyes at the confrontational hint to her tone but he was quick to understand. "Stanford is your one too." He spoke, surprised at the disappointment he felt.

"Everyone knows they are infamous for taking only one student from each of the other pre-law programs than their own." She stated, her protective instincts rallying.

"They claim that their own undergrads are the best prepared." Austin continued a frown appearing on his features. "Why Stanford? Why not Harvard, Columbia, or Yale."

Blair had to resist a snort. "Harvard is too stuffy, not to mention vastly overrated. Columbia and Yale are part of my past. Stanford is my future. I'm Corporate Law and for that it's Columbia or Stanford. As I said, I'm not moving backwards."

Austin nodded, curious but understanding at the same time. He'd heard of the Stanford Corporate Law program. It was a conjoint effort between their Business school and Law school and it was renowned. At the same time he had no clue what she meant about Columbia and Yale being part of her past; though he finally seemed to come to a topic that he wasn't comfortable asking her about, not yet at least.

"So why Stanford for you?" Blair asked, her curiosity getting the better of her.

Austin met her gaze, smiling almost sadly, unable to stop himself from what he was about to say. "Stanford's all I've ever wanted. I grew up with stories of my parent's undergrad glory days there. I applied and got in undergrad, but it was my senior year of high school when my mom got sick. I hadn't known why we moved back to Charleston that past summer, I thought Dad had a major case here or something; I had no idea it was because she was sick. When it came to the time to choose a college, I couldn't go all the way to California when I didn't know how much time she had left. So I chose Duke - giving up my dream to be close to her. She died two months into my freshman year. Stanford undergrad doesn't do transfers, so Stanford Law is my chance at experiencing my dream and I'm not settling for less."

Exhaling, Blair was forced to remember the love she once had for Yale, the all consuming crushing feeling when it didn't happen. And something about that feeling caused her to ask a question she hadn't expected to come from her mouth. "Do you ever regret it? Coming here when you lost her so soon afterwards."

Pursing his lips, Austin gazed at her searchingly, for what he didn't know. "I've asked myself that before, though it's easier if I don't think about it because I don't think I could have made another decision - even though I only had her for two months more, it could have been three years more and I wouldn't have chanced the difference. Though sometimes, when I'm frustrated or angry, I get jealous of my younger siblings - both of whom got to make their own choice. Charlie chose Stanford and is about to finish his Freshman year, Arabella starts at Stanford in the fall."

"It's not fair, is it." Blair stated rather than asked as she stood and came to sit next to Austin - doing something out of character and placing a hand on his knee. "Being the one who has to be responsible I mean?"

Looking into Blair's eyes, Austin answered her. "No, it's not." As he spoke he continued staring at her because he felt it, he felt himself falling.

They'd been mostly friends, sometimes enemies, and always competition from that moment onwards. Though it wasn't as though they were given much of a choice as they were continually thrown together. Advising had scheduled their visits together along with the other two applicants and they'd been forced to spend the trip together as Blair had immediately classified the other two as not worth her time. They'd pushed each other through applications - the fact that a worthy competitor for their spot existed made each of them work that much harder. She'd done better on the LSAT, her 179 to his 177. But he'd scored the best recommendation.

It had been after the applications had been sent out that Blair let herself think about where she and Austin stood. She'd spent more time with him than anyone else she knew - constantly pushing each other on the applications; but now that that was over she didn't know where they were, or what they were. It was natural habit to be with him, to call him, to talk to him, to study with him. And at some point she went from thinking of him as competition to praying that Stanford proved them both wrong and offered two spots because along the way she'd started to fall for him and their friendship had turned into so much more. The day their acceptance letters came was one of the most exciting days of her life.

Blair's heart was pounding a mile a minute as her envelope opener slid along the glued portion of the official looking package. Her hands were shaking as she opened the letter. For a moment she closed her eyes, not sure what she wanted the letter to say; if she had good news then that meant that Austin's dreams had been crushed and that thought made her sick.

Opening her eyes, she scanned the first line. She'd gotten it. She'd gotten the spot. But she couldn't even force a smile to her face. She felt sick to her stomach. It was in that moment that she'd realized just the extent of her feelings.

Sitting down on the couch of her apartment she found herself staring straight ahead at nothing. She couldn't think, couldn't function, wasn't even sure how she was managing to breathe anymore. It was some time later when she heard the knocking at the door. She didn't need to be told who was there - of course he would come to her.

Forcing herself to open the door because she knew that he deserved that much from her, it was as her eyes met his that she really and truly broke. The look of complete devastation on his face said everything, his dreams had been crushed.

Seeing the utter anguish in Blair's eyes nearly killed Austin as he stood in her doorway. Taking two steps in, he kicked the door closed and wrapped her tightly in his arms, hoping that everything he was feeling was conveyed in that.

Folding herself into Austin's body, Blair felt the tears began to run down her face in rivers. This was more than she'd dealt with in so long, she'd been so careful not to open herself up to anyone, not to risk something like this happening to her again but she hadn't planned this, it had happened completely against her will. Here she was, unsure about what she wanted because it conflicted with something she was beginning to think she cared about more.

Austin moved them to the couch when it became clear that they weren't going to be done anytime soon. Pulling her back into his arms, he realized that this was the closest they'd ever been emotionally if not physically - yeah they'd made out a few times but they'd never been touching everywhere like they were right now and never had she let him see her cry. He hated that it was his fault, hated that if he had picked another school she wouldn't be so unhappy right now. Not for the first time he began to wonder if his dream was worth it and was unsurprised to feel tears of his own stinging his eyes.

After what must have been hours Blair finally found words as she pulled back to look into Austin's eyes. "I don't think that I can go without you."

The shock that hit him was momentarily paralyzing. It caused his brain to freeze for a moment and he was slower at putting things together than he normally would have been but after a few seconds it all began to click. Both of them had been upset because they'd thought the other hadn't gotten in. "You got in." He spoke, his voice almost awestruck.

Blair furrowed her eyebrows. "Yeah, I'm sorry, I know what that means for you." She said but as she did she took in the sound of his voice and the expression now on his face. "You got in too." She spoke, unsurprised at the rush of happiness she felt.

Elation ran through his body at the speed of light and they both burst into laughter, quickly followed by a different emotion as they both understood that they'd been devastated by the prospect that the other wasn't going to be happy and everything that meant.

Leaning forwards he immediately captured her lips with his; kissing her with everything he'd been holding back all these months. Blair was trembling as she moved her lips against his, drawing him further in. She'd been trying so hard not to get attached, knowing they couldn't be together and now the things she was feeling were just so powerful. Pulling back only slightly she whispered, her voice shaking. "I can't believe I get to keep you."

"I love you." He responded with complete certainty. A certainty he'd never before experienced.

"I love you too." Blair spoke, surprising even herself because she hadn't even chanced labeling it before that moment but now she knew without a doubt. Pulling him to his feet she led him to the bedroom, something she hadn't done in two years, not since Chuck. But in that moment Chuck was a memory and for the first time she felt like that was all he was; for the first time she felt completely happy.

They'd gotten an apartment together that fall, an apartment they still lived in. Blair shook her head and did her best to keep her face stern. "You can't procrastinate next year, if you do you won't finish the dreaded third year." She spoke referencing the third year of Stanford Law that was notoriously difficult.

Austin rolled his eyes but continued to grin. He couldn't help it; Blair brought that out in him. "Just because I don't over study during the year like some people." He responded pointedly. "I like waiting until the end so that I know I didn't forget anything."

Blair laughed, Austin smiled, and they both went back to what they were doing but it wasn't long before Blair found herself staring at him again. The invitation lists were sitting in front of her; hers and his. They'd been engaged for four months and as of that moment only Serena knew. The wedding invitation would be the first most of the people from her old life were hearing about it. The invitations were important but all she could think of was the one name she kept going back to on her list, crossing it out and rewriting it multiple times.

Slowly but surely she'd begun to feel the panic seep in. She'd heard of cold feet but not like this - not the kind that made your stomach twist into knots so tight that you couldn't breathe, couldn't think of anything else, except for the one thing that she shouldn't be thinking about. That's why she was staring at Austin right now - she had to remind herself of everything she loved about him, everything she'd be gaining when they got married. The book that she had hidden under her bed wasn't helping. An advance copy of The Life, Lies, and Loves of Bianca Windsor; Humphrey's third book which was all about her. No the book was not helping at all.

Austin looked up once more, meeting her gaze with a sturdier smile this time. "What now?"

Blair couldn't help the smile that graced her features. "You, Austin Davenport, are absolutely adorable when you study."

Immediately, Austin's smile turned into a smirk. "You, Blair Waldorf, are adorable all the time."

"Just adorable?" Blair asked, lifting an eyebrow and slipping easily into their normally flirty banter. Austin was a strange mix of every boy from her past. He had a little bit of Louis's gentlemanly ways, Nate's natural charm, Dan's witty banter, and a knack for scheming like. . . Blair stopped her thoughts there, unable to let herself think the name, or at least unwilling to admit that she was thinking of him, again. Austin was everything, he was supposed to be everything. He had the best features of every man she'd ever known and in the end he'd never hurt her, not really. And he'd made her happy, so happy.

A real smile peaking through his smirk Austin tried his best to seem as though he was speaking reluctantly. "More than adorable." Allowing himself to smile he began listing adjectives. "Amazing, beautiful, elegant, and entirely too loveable. And December cannot get here fast enough."

Blair smiled though she couldn't help but feel forced. Couldn't help but feel that December couldn't be closer. Feeling panicky again she looked away and drew her head back down to the plans in front of her. Comparing a list she'd made with one made by Austin. "I have at least twice the number of people on my list as you do." She spoke, an exasperated sigh leaving her.

Austin looked up and smiled slightly. "I'd say it were closer to three times as many."

Blair bit her bottom lip, doing her best to stop the agitated look she knew was close to appearing on her features. Planning this wedding was going to drive her crazy and right now the frustrations were too much. She could feel another breakdown coming on and didn't know how to stop it. Every step forward she took in planning her wedding to Austin made her stomach clench tighter. Because no matter how hard she tried she couldn't stop thinking about that one name she kept crossing off and rewriting. And every night she still fell asleep thinking "what if?" It hadn't started until she'd started planning the wedding but now she couldn't make it stop.

"Hey, hey." Austin spoke softly, reaching out to take his fiancé's hand. "It's okay, weddings are always stressful."

Shaking her head, Blair tried to force back the tears but found herself failing. "Nothing's going right. I want something big, you want something small. I want to move back home or stay in California afterwards, you want to go back to the South. We can't even agree on a venue." Blair spoke as tears began to slip from her eyes. Things were falling apart, she could feel it all the way to her core. Humphrey wasn't right about her was he? He couldn't have been right because that would mean that everything that she'd done the past four years had been wrong; that would mean that her whole life was a lie. Placing a hand on her chest to steady herself out of habit, her fingers ached at a piece of her that was no longer there and the fact that there was only herself to blame.

For the first time, Austin realized that Blair's frustrations might not be as generic as he'd originally thought they were; that Blair was being bothered more by this than he'd seen her by anything else. She hadn't even been this distraught when she thought that only one of them was going to get into Stanford. He got up and walked over to her, sitting in the chair next to her own and taking her hands in his. "Blair, there's still plenty of time to work everything else out. We have months of time to plan a wedding and our life together. All I want, all I need, is you."

Blair was physically jolted by his last words and the resonance they had with her. But those weren't his words to say, they were someone else's. She couldn't stop her mind from wandering back to that hot summer night in the middle of the New York blackout of 2011. The words that fled from her mouth next came of their own accord. She couldn't have stopped them if she tried - and she didn't want to try, not anymore. "I can't do this."

Austin looked at her strangely, unsure of what exactly she was talking about. "It's fine, we'll figure it out later."

Blair shook her head slowly. "Not I can't do this now, I can't do this at all." She spoke her voice shaky but growing stronger as she seemed to realize that she was doing the right thing. "I'm so sorry Austin but I can't marry you."

Austin looked on slack jawed as Blair pulled off his mother's ring and placed it in his hand. "Is it him?" He asked quietly. In truth he didn't know the other man's name, he'd never wanted to. He'd known that when he and Blair had first met she'd been getting over another relationship, she had been for some time. And it had taken most of their senior year for him to convince her to give him a chance romantically.

Blair pursed her lips tightly, her heart breaking a little at the pain she knew that she was causing a man that she loved but she couldn't lie to him anymore, she couldn't lie to herself. "Yeah it's him."

"After how badly he hurt you?" Austin asked, his voice unsure, unsteady. "Don't think I don't know that you were running from him when we met, that you ran from New York to North Carolina to get away, that you wouldn't go to Columbia for law school because you were too scared to be in the same city as him." Austin ran a hand over his head, mentally cursing the fact that he was practically yelling at her and couldn't seem to stop. "I don't know what he did to you Blair but I know it was bad."

Shaking her head Blair felt a single tear slip out. "I'm so so sorry Austin. I want to be the girl you met at Duke, I want to be your wife. But I'm not. I gave my heart away a long time ago, my whole heart, and I don't think I ever really got it back."

Austin stood up and walked to the door, pausing with his hand on the door knob. "I'll go stay at Chris's tonight and take my last final. We can talk more tomorrow afternoon after we've each had time to think about this. I love you Blair and I'm not giving up."

Blair watched as he walked out. She hadn't said anything in return because she couldn't. She had no intention of being here when he got back from his exam. She'd prolonged this long enough and coming to the realization that she had, discovering that she'd never given things with Chuck the chance to be good, she didn't want to waste another moment going down the wrong path. Now all she wanted was to get back to New York, get back to Chuck. She would fix the mistake she'd made almost four years before, she'd fix it if it were the last thing she did.

Gossip Girl here. Why is everyone so boring nowadays? Can't anyone bring back the spice into my life? I can tell you one thing it's times like these that I miss our Queen B. B, B, where have you gone and won't you please come back to us. Enough mopping, the juiciest tidbit I've heard in a while came today - sounds like N and S as well as C and G might be heading towards Tiffany's sooner rather than later. But even that feels dull. Someone get me something good, I'm getting bored.

xoxo
Gossip Girl

So I hope you liked this foray into what we've missed with C and B. This will get us caught up enough that I can bring some CB interaction into the next chapter. For those of you who are a little wary of the angst factor I should probably go ahead and say this won't be the lightest fic I've ever written.

Please review - I can't wait to hear what you guys think especially about Austin and Gwen!

xoxo
Kate