Chapter Seventy: Some Kind of Joke

Disclaimer: I do not own Eyeshield 21.

Song Playing: One Normal Night

Theme 48: Light

The light was out.

Mamori glared up at the ceiling as if it had done her a personal wrong. Which it hadn't. It was merely an unfortunate way to start the morning. Come to the clubhouse, flick on the switch, and the bulb burns out right at the kickoff. With a sigh she placed her schoolbag down and carefully shuffled her way around the table into the kitchen where she kept the flashlights. It took a bit of work but she finally managed to locate a working flashlight, only to come to the sad realization that she couldn't recall ever stocking spare bulbs.

By the time she managed to locate a dusty bulb it was bright enough out that she really didn't need to change the light. However she had spent the better part of the morning searching for the stupid thing and for all that was good in the world she was going to finish her task. Glancing back up it occurred to her that she would need to stand on something in order to reach the burnt out lamp. Going to the supply closet, she almost burst something holding in an animalistic growl of frustration at the realization that somebody hadn't returned her stepladder. Slamming the door shut she stomped outside and did not bother restraining the shriek that bubbled out at the lack of ladder that normally lived on the side of the clubhouse. Storming back inside she came to the conclusion that she had very few options left to her. All the stools and chairs were bolted down. There weren't any step stools.

In all honesty she only had one choice left to her. If she was desperate enough she could climb onto the field model. It would give her the height she needed but she'd have to stand at the very edge and lean precariously in order to reach the burnt out lamp. The real question was: Was she desperate enough?

She was changing this light bulb if it killed her.

And judging by the way that things had gone so far it was a distinct possibility.

She mustered up all her determination and against all better judgment she climbed up onto the table. Standing up, she placed herself carefully on the edge and stretched her arm up to brace herself against the ceiling. Now came the tricky part. Taking a deep breath she planted her feet and began to lean forward. With her fingers brushing the edge of the bad bulb she was only just able to keep from falling face first. Just a little further and she'd be able to-

"What the fuck do you think you're going?"

-to pull back fast enough so that she landed butt first on the tabletop rather than head first on the floor.

She glared back at Hiruma. Well, she glared as best as she could while her bottom felt like one giant throbbing bruise. Which is to say her glare was more like a grimace and she really wished she had her broom to crack over his big stupid head. "I was trying to change the light bulb."

"By creating dangerous triangles on table tops?" He dropped his school bag off right next to her book bag and strode into the room. "And here I was thinking you were one of the smart ones."

"If people would stop stealing my stepladder without having the courtesy of leaving the regular ladder, and if we had some furniture that wasn't bolted to the ground then maybe I wouldn't have to resort to standing on a stupid table." Standing back up, she gave him a proper glare. "Speaking of stupidity, what kind of idiot yells at a person when they are in such a delicate position?"

He had a real scathing witty retort all ready to go when she put her hand back up on the ceiling and started leaning again. "What the fuck are you doing?"

This time she was ready for him. She didn't land on her bottom or her head. She stayed right where she was, just a hair out of reach of being able to complete her task. "The same thing I've been trying to do all morning. I am changing this light bulb and I am changing it now."

"You're not changing a light bulb," If he kept chewing his gum like that she was going to take a break from her light bulb adventure to shove it so far down his throat it actually would get stuck in his stomach. "You're looking for a way to break your neck."

She blew her bangs out of her eyes. "I suppose you have a better idea?"

His smirk was her only warning before he came right up next to her and swept her off her feet. Her shriek was short lived as he adjusted her safely onto his shoulder. Clinging to whatever part of him she could reach, she swayed only slightly as her moved forward several steps so that she was directly underneath the light fixture. Slowly and carefully she detangled herself from his hair. To her dismay she was in the perfect position to finally change the bulb. In a matter of moments she had the old bulb unscrewed, Hiruma handed her the new one, and her task was complete.

Then he placed back on the ground, as gentle as could be. He didn't say anything, but he didn't need to. His condescending smirk spoke volumes.

Well, she supposed that was one way to change a light bulb.