Chapter Seventy Three: Love and Marriage

Disclaimer: I do not own Eyeshield 21.

Song Playing: That's Amore

Theme 73: Return

He should have just taken her on a proper honeymoon as soon as they got married. Maybe if he had instead of making her wait nearly a year he wouldn't be on this sailing death trap. But no he had to make her wait and his punishment for making her wait was a twenty one day cruise trapped on a ship with overly involved entertainment staff, buffet food that had probably already been touched by at least three different strangers, and the queasy feeling that came with the knowledge that his feet were no longer on solid ground.

"Hurry up Youichi or we're going to be late!"

Not to mention if his wife yanked his arm any harder she was going to pull it right out of its socket. "Why are you so hell bent on this game show?"

"Oh come on! You wouldn't take line dancing with me, you wouldn't go to karaoke, and you wouldn't go up for Passenger Feud." She continued to drag him thru the crowd of people to the lounge. "You promised me one game without complaint and I want to do the Marriage Match."

He really really didn't want to do anything that involved direct contact with any of the overly perky entertainment staff. "But why the fuck does it have to be this one?"

"Because-" She had finally managed to get them to the lounge, with time to spare to boot. She sat him down in one of the corner tables. "We're married now so we can actually play. Now wait here while I sign us up."

Damn it all. He would marry the one woman that actually caused him to fluster to bad that he didn't have a snappy comeback on the ready.

He watched her write their names down on a slip on paper and then put it in a metal bucket. Judging from how fast the place was filling up it seemed this was a very popular attraction. In fact, with the number of young couples he saw signing up it looked like they probably wouldn't be chosen anyway. So he settled himself in for a night of mocking the poor saps who did get picked.

He didn't have to wait long. Twenty minutes later one of the cruise staff announced it was time to draw the couples: one newlywed, one middle of the road, and one that has been around forever.

"Now for our newlywed couple, ranging from being married for the last five minutes up to fifteen years its Youichi and Mamori Hiruma from Aloha 302."

Turned out he was one of the poor saps.

Fuck.

The chances of them being chosen had been so slim he hadn't even bothered to rig it so that their names wouldn't be drawn. Turns out that was a big mistake on his part because now he could feel the heavy gaze of his wife's expectant stare. His mind started whiring with all the ways he could get out of this one.

"Youichi," He made the fatal rookie mistake of looking her in the eye when she said his name. "You promised."

Damn it all he had promised. Against his better judgement he hauled himself out of his chair and up onto the stage. He paused only for a moment to help her into her seat before flopping down next to her.

He more or less tuned out the next five minutes or so as they picked the other two couples, made some bad jokes, and explained the rules. It was straight forward enough. Answer some questions and hopefully the spouse would match your answers. It wasn't exactly rocket science. So he let his wife kiss him on the cheek and threaten to silent treat him into the ground if he didn't cooperate before leaving with the other wives.

And because he was a good husband, despite what other people may think, he sat there with no grumbling as the host opened the game by posing a scenario where his wife's luggage got lost on the way to the ship and since he was such a good husband he would go down to the shops to buy her some essentials.

Then things got interesting.

Without batting an eye the host asked: "In this case, what size bra would you come back with?"

The room burst with laughter and the groans from the other two husbands. Hiruma, on the other hand, felt at ease for the first time since he set foot on this floating coffin. He settled back into his chair and a wide toothy grin started to emerge.

This he could work with.

When Mamori stepped back into the room she took one look at her husband's face and was instantly suspicious. When she had left with the other wives he had been, for lack of a better term, being an ass about the whole thing. He had made it extremely clear earlier that evening that he would rather gnaw off his throwing arm than sit up on a brightly lit stage in front of a bunch of tourists he didn't know.

Now he looked like there was no other place he would rather be.

This, she knew, meant very poor things for her near future.

Turns out she was dead on with her suspicions. She had never been so embarrassed in her entire life. If she had known what complete and utter degenerates the ships entertainment staff were she never would have volunteered them for this game. Honestly asking about her bra size! Who even thought to inquire about the most repeated word/ sound in their bedroom or what song best described her in bed. They had even provided a multiple choice for that one! Not to mention they had the audacity to ask where the wildest craziest place they had ever… done the horizontal mumbo. Those were the hosts words, not hers.

Now her husband was being escorted out of the room with the other two male contestants and it was her turn to be questioned.

With any luck all their pervert questions were used up on the men.

XxX

When Hiruma stepped back into the lounge he took one look at his wife and actually had to bite back his bark of laughter. Her blush started on her face, spreading back to her ears before creeping its way down to the neckline of her blouse. Then their eyes met and he knew that she was deeply regretting putting their names into that stupid metal bucket.

He could hardly wait to hear what they had asked her.

Turns out he was not disappointed. He had the immense pleasure of watching his young wife become more and more uncomfortable as the game continued. It had started out innocent but had swiftly progressed into hilarity.

First they asked about his most annoying habit: no brainer there, everyone and their mother knew how much she hated him popping his gum. Then they had asked who of her friends/ family he would have married if he hadn't married her. He actually got some massive brownie points from the room for answering, correctly he might add, no one. Which was the truth: as far as he was concerned it was her or a lifetime of solitude and American football.

They upped their game by making him name one body part he would want bigger and one he would want smaller. On himself, not on her. There had been a great amount of whistling and catcalls in regards to this question. However he managed to look past the obvious sexual innuendo to the more practical mind of his wife. Therefore he actually managed to dig deep down into the buried insecure part of him and answer truthfully: bigger legs, smaller ears. Because if he was honest he had chicken legs and elf ears and on some level that he generally ignored both things bothered him.

At this point they pulled out all the stops and basically asked him to compare his dick to a car. He had to give them credit for that one; he hadn't thought that they had the balls to actually ask him that. But the way Mamori was trying to melt into her seat made answering his absolute pleasure.

That should have been the end of the game, besides tallying up the points to determine the winner, but they apparently decided to throw one last question in for shits and giggles. The host got right on up in his personal space and said, "Now for an extra point if you would tell us the last time you- parked the car."

Immediately her eyes snapped up to meet his. The rushing in her ears blocked out the rest of what the cruise staff was saying.

He looked right at her and knew exactly what she was screaming at him inside her head: Don't you dare!

His grin threatened to split his face in two. Without hesitation he spoke loud and clear right into the microphone, "About an hour ago in the cabin just before we came down here."

The room exploded with laughter and Mamori had never wished to disappear more than she did in that moment. Then he had to go and open that big stupid mouth of his, "How do you think she got me to sign up in the first place?"

If she thought their laughter was loud before she had been sorely mistaken. Now she was absolutely deafened with it. Her hands flew to cover her face and she found herself sinking a little deeper into her chair.

She was never volunteering them for anything ever again.