Time for some significant Chuck/Blair interaction Hope you all enjoy.
Thanks to my fantastic reviewers: Sw33theart21, bfan, Rf, Stella296, wrighthangal, Elise, Iz, Reviewforleyton, LitPrincess2787, CarolinaGirl21, mathildaas, LovelyLydia, SouthernBelle88, and GGfanficfan09.
To my beta ggff-fan, I don't know what I'd do without you!
Chapter 6: Reasons To Be Angry At Yourself
Chuck walked into the 20s themed restaurant on 32nd purposefully late. He knew that she had probably been early and of course he'd done it to spite her; which had in turn only served to further anger him. He shouldn't care whether or not he agitated her and yet for some reason he did. These thoughts were warring back in forth in his head as he wove his way through the restaurant. Years may have passed and feelings may have changed - definitely had changed - but it didn't change just how well he knew her; she'd have requested the booth furthest in the back, she believed in privacy for any potentially messy conversations and this would qualify.
When he saw her he was caught off guard. She wasn't overly dressed up, she still looked put together but she wasn't trying to seduce him, she was simply Blair and strangely that put him at ease. He'd been expecting to walk in to find her dressed not provocatively to the naked eye, just provocative to him - hair up, bare neck, low back, thigh highs that he couldn't see but knew were there, and probably purple or red. And he knew that she could have done it because she knew him well enough to know his tells, but she hadn't. Instead she was wearing a teal dress, tan blazer, and metallic pumps.
The second thing that distracted him was the fact that she didn't seem to be staring at the door or for that matter at her cell phone. Rather she was gazing at the wall decoration above their booth, some kind of newspaper from the 20s. He smiled, they'd both always had a thing for the roaring 20s, prohibition, exhibition, glamour, and excess it was the time that they would have fit in more than any other.
Still standing there he noted that one of her hands was twisting the ring on her other, he hadn't realized that was something she still did. It meant that she was nervous, something else that seemed to calm him - good he wasn't the only one. Now in a much more relaxed state of mind, Chuck walked closer until he was standing at the edge of the booth where he paused for a minute, still watching.
Blair could sense his presence as he neared her but she didn't turn until he was standing by her shoulder. Looking up at him she gave a wry smile. "You came."
"I said I would." Chuck spoke curious as to the tone in her voice. It actually sounded as though she hadn't expected him.
Blair nodded once before looking back to the newspaper wall she'd been examining while she waited for him. "It's an article about the bar Vanessa was trying to save, the one you secretly bought."
Chuck's eyebrows rose. "I wasn't aware you knew about that." After his father had shut down his idea for Bass Industries to buy the property Chuck had used his own savings to do it without his father realizing it. He'd never discussed it again with any of his friends, including Blair.
Turning back to face Chuck she lifted an eyebrow of her own as if to say 'I know everything,' but it wasn't what she meant, not really at least. "I didn't for a long time, then after your Prohibition Party at the Empire, I was talking to Horace and he mentioned it."
"And you didn't say anything?" Chuck asked curiously. That wasn't really like the Blair he knew; but as he looked at her now he couldn't help but think that maybe Blair was more complex than even he had realized. There was a time when he'd known her better than anyone, maybe better than she knew herself; but now he was seeing another layer of complexity that maybe neither of them had realized was there.
Blair shrugged. "You wanted something for yourself, something that was just yours. I understood that well enough to know that telling you I knew would be taking that something away from you."
Chuck humphed lightly as he shook his head. "You always were smarter than anyone gave you credit for, including me."
Looking up at Chuck, still standing beside her at the table Blair came to a decision she hadn't been meaning to make. "You don't have to stay." Chuck looked at her in surprise but she didn't give him time to speak. "You were right, I used false pretenses and schemes to bring you here and I shouldn't have."
Chuck's brow furrowed as he observed her, sitting there so completely unassuming. It was almost unnerving the way she could be so still except for her hands which were still turning the ring on her finger; but soon even that slowed and she was simply gazing at him. "I'll stay."
Shrugging Blair gave a half smile, she knew better than to think that he might actually want to talk to her. "If it's about Gwen don't worry, if she says something to me about it, I'll tell her we had a great time catching up. You have my word."
Chuck believed her and it almost scared him enough to make him turn and walk out but instead he chose to stand by what he'd said earlier. Smirking carefully, he slid into the booth. "I apologize for being late; I hope your wait wasn't too unpleasant."
Blair suppressed a smile at how easily it all seemed to come back. "Did you get caught up at work?"
Chuck shook his head, a smirk still lining his features as he looked over the menu. "No, I told Arthur to take a couple laps around the block." He looked up almost coyly with his next words. "I was trying to agitate you."
"Oh." Blair said surprised - surprised but not angry. Then she actually laughed aloud before leaning her head back against the seat rest.
Hearing her laugh, seeing that light in Blair's eyes Chuck couldn't help the smile that lit his own face. "You surprised me tonight."
Blair quirked an eyebrow. "How so?"
Chuck shrugged slightly, unsure of how to voice what he had been thinking earlier. This was uncharted territory for both of them and though he knew it was necessary to tread lightly he had the sense that he didn't really want to. "Your complete lack of presumptions." He didn't have to look at Blair to know that she'd quirked her other eyebrow but he did. "You weren't what I was expecting. I was expecting the games." He could see that she was getting it but since she hadn't really said anything he continued. "For one thing I was expecting something a bit different in the way of attire."
Blair laughed again, this time a little more controlled. "So you don't like my dress?"
Chuck shook his head backtracking quickly. "That wasn't what I was saying, you look perfect, you just don't look like you're trying to seduce me. You're wearing a jacket, your hair's down, and you don't even have stockings on."
Blair knew precisely what Chuck was saying because the old Blair would have done just as he'd described. He'd expected her to come dressed as though she had every intention of luring him back to her bed. Leaning forward, she mock whispered. "The dress even has sleeves."
Chuck actually laughed at Blair's words; she just kept surprising him tonight. "No, you're not as I expected at all."
"I've been trying to tell you that since I returned. I'm not the same scared little girl I used to be, I don't need the schemes to handle life like I used to." Blair spoke, knowing she risked scaring Chuck off. Looking back at him she almost expected him to be looking towards the door, but he wasn't, he was still there. "Sometimes when I'm scared though I fall back on the schemes. Like I said earlier, I did it today and I shouldn't have."
Chuck was hearing Blair's words, he let himself hear them, but he didn't respond. Instead he gave a simple nod because he knew that she'd get it and when she gave him a small smile he knew she did. "So why'd you want to talk?" He asked, his voice calm.
Blair rolled her lips once as she met Chuck's gaze. He seemed so sincere that it almost made her forget everything just for that moment. "I won't lie to you, you know why I came back." For a moment she saw the doubt that slipped into Chuck's eyes. She knew that the line she was walking was as narrow as it could get and her balance must be wavering.
Inhaling deeply she closed her eyes for a moment, she'd been waiting for this conversation for forever, she wouldn't screw it up, as nervous as she was she knew what she wanted to say. "But that's not why I'm here tonight. I miss knowing you. I miss knowing what you're thinking when I look into your eyes. And I know I lost that right a long time ago but I want to know you again Chuck and I want you to know me."
Chuck sighed slightly looking away for a moment. He'd felt the tight clenching of his chest at her words and yet here he still sat in front of her. He'd been so careful to build the walls back up, specifically made so that Blair couldn't get past them but right now he felt as though he could maybe crack a window and let a little bit of light in.
"You were my best friend before everything else; you're the only one who saw me like I was really there. I know you don't see me anymore but I still wish you did." Blair spoke as honestly as she could.
Chuck's lips had opened slightly though he wasn't sure just what he was going to say. He was watching Blair carefully in that moment, waiting to see what she'd say or do to maneuver herself into a defensive position but she didn't. Blair simply sat still looking at him before dropping her gaze to her hands before bringing it back to him again. When the waiter arrived, Chuck was surprised to note that he was interrupting some kind of moment they were having.
Blair wasn't entirely sure what to do. It felt as though things were in complete limbo. She was opening her mouth about to place her order when Chuck cut her off. "And the lady will be having the Seasonal Greens as her appetizer with the Ahi Tuna with the lighter sauce as her entre. As well as the Scallop appetizer and a bottle of '97 Dom for the table. "
Blair's mouth slipped open as the waiter nodded and turned to leave. Not only had Chuck ordered for her - they used to always order each for each other, it was like a game for them - but he had ordered the exact items from the menu she'd planned to order herself.
Chuck looked at Blair an unwitting smirk sliding onto his face. He hadn't meant to do that, in the slightest. In fact that had been as big a surprise to him as it was to her but he still couldn't help the satisfaction he felt knowing that he'd been right. "I think I still do." He spoke, his voice quiet.
"Do what?" Blair asked taken aback.
"See you." Chuck said as he leaned forward, his elbows resting on the table as he met Blair's gaze. "Even when I try not to." He could feel himself being brutally honest and yet he allowed it, just as she had.
Blair resisted the urge to allow her mouth to fall back open in shock. Instead she smiled with her eyes and gave her head a slight shake. "And you thought I was unexpected."
At that Chuck laughed and the strange spell that for one moment had fallen between them was broken. But still he was left with the sensation that maybe Blair was right, not about everything of course, he still loved Gwen; but maybe she was right that their friendship could be salvaged.
"They've just gotten their main course." The man said into his phone as he watched the couple across the room. She was touting her fork at something he'd just said but he was relaxed, simply allowing her to do so.
And they've been perfectly civil?
The man nodded even though the caller couldn't see him. "Yes. They look like two friends having dinner. From here I wouldn't even have guessed that they used to be lovers."
Good.
This time the man shook his head. The couple was sitting there eating and it was strange because as long as he had watched them - Chuck for half of his life and Blair for almost ten years - he'd rarely seen them act like this, so friendly and so devoid of any apparent sexual tension. It might be there, but if it was he couldn't see it. It wasn't normal for them, years ago when they'd been together anyone in the room could feel their heat. "I was surprised you called." He spoke into the phone almost distractedly. "Do you want to tell me why?"
That's not important. I was offered your services; now just do as I ask.
"Of course." He responded quickly, hearing the bristly tone of the caller's voice. "I'll give you an update after desert." With that he hung up the phone and went back to observing his target. Yes, this was a strange situation, very strange.
"Look at us, being civil." Blair spoke with a smile on her face as the deserts were placed in front of them.
Chuck laughed lightly before meeting her gaze directly. She was right, it had actually been a pleasant dinner which is pretty much the last thing he expected but then again nothing tonight had been what he'd expected. They'd talked a bit about school, Bass Industries, some of her friends in California and one of his new deals. "Who'd have thought it was possible?" He said grinning. "You know when you came into town all I wanted was for you to leave but maybe one day we can be friends again."
Blair's heart had begun to beat quickly for reasons she wasn't sure of until Chuck said the words he'd apparently been working towards for the last few minutes. When he did she knew she must have sensed what he was building towards and reacted accordingly. In that moment she knew she should just smile and nod, she should be grateful, he was saying that he'd let her back in; but a part of her knew it would be too late. An even bigger part of her refused to lie about the way she felt. "I want to be more than your friend Chuck." She spoke slowly with a weary smile on her face.
Chuck's eyebrows rose, then narrowed as he observed Blair and heard the words she was saying. For a minute he'd forgotten. He wasn't certain what his response was going to be as he looked up at her but as he did she looked down at her lap where her cell phone could be heard vibrating.
Blair broke Chuck's gaze, almost grateful for the interruption. She smiled as she looked at the message before looking back up at Chuck. "I'm sorry, Dan just sent me another picture."
"Picture of what?" Chuck asked, curiosity breaking his earlier train of thought. He knew that Dan and Blair had remained close friends but she'd spoken as though he should know what she was referring to.
Tilting her head, Blair looked at Chuck in surprise. "Steph had the baby today, Rosaleigh Astoria Humphrey. She was fantastic of course; made the whole thing look like a breeze."
Chuck grinned. "Typical Astor."
At that Blair laughed aloud because in all honesty it was true. The Astor's seemed to be even more blessed than the Van der Woodsen's when it came to being life's golden boys and girls. "Here." She said passing her phone to him, to see a photo of the three. "There are several if you want to flip through."
Chuck smiled softly as he looked at the photo. The little girl looked like Stephanie, thank God. Thumbing through the other photos on Blair's phone he was surprised to see the one of Blair holding the baby. "You were there?" He asked, curiously.
Blair nodded. "Yeah, I was with Dan when he got the call and he was such a mess I didn't feel like I could abandon him." She couldn't help but remember how she'd felt afterwards though - but she'd promised herself she'd stop that so she tried to shake it off.
Chuck looked at Blair noticing her flinch but as he did he realized that she might be even stronger than he knew. He wasn't an idiot; he knew that it still hurt for her because it still hurt for him. But that pain brought back a flood of memories that he didn't want to think about. Things had been going too well tonight to let the past wreak havoc on his emotions. "I'm sure he appreciated you being there. I can't believe he didn't tell me." He spoke, trying to laugh it off.
"I was the designated photographer. They're perfect." Blair spoke as she tried to smile, but she couldn't push back the pain. Looking away once more towards the newspaper she'd been reading when Chuck had arrived, Blair spoke words she would only ever say to Chuck. "I was jealous. Their little family was perfection and they were so happy and for a moment I thought I was going to fall apart. I wanted to have what they have."
Chuck swallowed as he felt the fist that had clasped his heart when he saw her flinch earlier squeeze tightly. He'd wanted it too. But that wasn't what he said. "You'll have that one day."
Pressing her lips together Blair nodded, unable to control her next words. "Are you and Gwen thinking about kids?"
Chuck was taken aback. He'd been trying to tell Blair since she'd returned how serious things were with Gwen but he hadn't really thought she'd been listening. He had known from their conversation a week ago that she realized that he loved Gwen but her statement certainly sounded like she knew a lot more than that.
Blair noted Chuck's loss for words and spoke in explanation. "Gwen thought you were going to propose when you picked her up from the airport."
"I was." Chuck spoke eyes wide, voice low.
Blair lifted her shoulder in a light shrug, unable to break Chuck's gaze. "What stopped you?"
Chuck exhaled loudly as his head shook. He should have realized this was coming; dinner had been the calm before the storm. "I don't know Blair, I've been confused."
"Because of me?" She asked eyebrows lifted. She was genuinely wondering. She didn't understand where Chuck's head was, it seemed that he was saying and doing two completely different things.
Still trying to hold on to the easy calm conversation of dinner, Chuck struggled to maintain his cool. He'd just been telling her that he thought that they could be friends, friends confided in each other, right? And maybe talking to Blair could help. Tentatively he spoke. "Yes . . . but not for the reason you might think." Blair's eyes told him to continue so he did. "You showing up here brought back a lot of things that I've been working really hard to move past, commitment issues being at the top of that list. It's been difficult for me to trust again."
Blair nodded slowly, after what she'd done it was no wonder he had difficulties trusting people. The way she left him . . . She couldn't even complete that thought, it hurt too much.
Chuck shook his head. "Maybe we shouldn't be doing this, any of it."
"Chuck. . . " Blair began, wanting to reach out and take his hand. She wanted to comfort him but she didn't know how. She'd made this mess, she'd been the one to cause him pain. "I'm so sorry."
Chuck looked at her, that was the first time she'd said it that he actually heard remorse in her voice. Each time before there'd been this overarching tone of sarcasm or maybe it was disbelief. But right now he didn't know how to respond so this time he looked away.
Blair sighed as she took one last look at the picture before slipping it back into her purse. "You know, I always thought we'd be the first. We certainly took off running out of the gate."
On the first page of our story
Chuck was still looking at the wall when he heard Blair's words and it took him a moment to really grasp what she was saying. The floodgate had been let loose on the memories now and he was feeling himself start to drown but her words penetrated that. All the emotion he'd been feeling bubbled to the surface as his head snapped to look at her. "To have kids?" He asked, not bothering to hide the emotions in his voice.
The future seemed so bright
"To have all of it." Blair spoke meeting Chuck's gaze directly before giving a half shrug. "And now you're going to have it with someone else."
Blair knew what was happening before it did. The switch had been wavering for a few minutes and she knew the second it flipped. The color of his eyes changed; the warm golden brown, darkened.
Then this thing turned out so evil
The unidentified emotions that had been bubbling below the surface erupted and just like that the emotion had a name, anger and it was accompanied by its friends - fury and pain. "You moved on first." Chuck spoke his voice carrying the weight of every vindictive emotion he was feeling. "I was just following your lead."
I don't know why I'm still surprised
Blair was too shocked to speak and he knew it, so Chuck chose to deliver one more crippling blow. "How is Austin by the way? I noticed your lack of engagement ring, is that only for my benefit? Let me guess you came back for round three?" He finished with a taunting smirk.
Even angels have their wicked schemes
Blair's head snapped backwards in surprise. She'd known he was about to lash out, she'd sensed it; but this wasn't what she was expecting. "How . . .?" She asked, mind searching for the moment that he might have known, who might have told, had she let it slip? And round 3? What was he talking about?
But you take that to new extremes
Chuck glared and shook his head; Blair was smarter than that. "I told you I'd follow you." He spoke recalling words he'd yelled the last time he'd seen her as she walked away from him on the tarmac.
But you'll always be my hero
"You knew where I was all along?" She asked as her heart began to pound. Chuck knew everything. She could see it in his eyes. He knew about Duke, Stanford, Austin, their engagement; yet at the same time he knew nothing. How could he have known where she was and not done anything?
"Of course." Chuck said with a shrug as if it were the most natural thing in the word.
Even though you've lost your mind
Eyes wide Blair thought back to those months after she left the Hamptons, months that she spent avoiding Austin and hoping that Chuck would show up on his white horse and proclaim his never-ending love. "Why didn't you do something about it?" She asked completely taken back.
Just gonna stand there and watch me burn
Chuck shook his head, a sneer appearing on his face. "I didn't want to rush you." He spat before laughing darkly. "I didn't want you to feel pressured. I . . . I was a fool." Blair looked like she wanted to say something, like she could see the pain in his eyes, but Chuck shook his head. "Just don't. I thought that what I'd been waiting for - for two years - was that week in the Hamptons. When you left, I was done."
But that's all right because I like the way it hurts
Blair shook her head feeling herself begin to panic. This wasn't fair; he couldn't just make these statements like it was all her fault. "You wanted me to just come home and go back to how things were when nothing had changed."
"EVERYTHING HAD CHANGED." Chuck practically shouted. "It wasn't the same circumstances anymore. We weren't still rebounding from that mess with Louis."
Just gonna stand there and hear me cry
"That mess, was our child." Blair said, her eyes narrowing in contempt for the way Chuck was speaking. She might have been the one to ruin things but he had no right to talk to her like that.
Eyes blazing Chuck gripped the table tightly in his hands. "That's not what I meant and you know it." After a moment of silent glaring he spoke again. "And you were already with someone else."
But that's all right because I love the way you lie
Blair's jaw tightened as she spat her next words with sarcasm. "Like you weren't sleeping around."
"I wasn't." Chuck spoke. To an outsider his voice would have sounded perfectly calm but he knew that Blair could hear the fury lying behind each of his words. "I thought you'd come back. I thought the Hamptons was it. When you left it destroyed me."
I love the way you lie
Blair heard every ounce of anger barely concealed in Chuck's voice; this was when he scared her the most, when he was so angry that he looked completely at ease. Shaking her head, she let her own voice fill with emotions. "If you had come I would have . . ."
Now there's gravel in our voices
Chuck shook his head interrupting. "Don't lie now Blair, don't act like you weren't the one who left."
"Don't act like I didn't have a reason to." Blair hissed, knowing she was beginning to lose her cool.
Glass is shattered from the fight
Nostrils flaring, Chuck felt as though his words were like angry flames leaping from him and catching anything they could hit aflame. "You can't change history now. We both know why you left." Chuck's voice had begun to shake as he recalled that moment in the Hamptons when she was leaving him again. The moment he confronted her with his worst fears - that she'd done it all for revenge. "I've always wondered, was that what the Hamptons were about too or was that some kind of relapse for you - like a quarter life crisis?"
In this tug of war, you always win
Blair's whole body was shaking subtly as she tried to force away the memories of Chuck and the Hamptons. What had happened there was like a beacon of light breaking through everything else. She'd forced herself to leave, she had to see it through. So she'd said things to make it easier on him. She hadn't realized until it was too late that it wasn't what she had wanted; but she'd done what she set out to do too effectively.
Even when I'm right
"Don't bother saying anything Blair, it won't change anything now." Chuck said dismissively. "How could I have been stupid enough to think we could be friends one day?"
'Cause you feed me fables from your hand
Blair couldn't seem to focus on Chuck's words, she was so angry and hurt. He didn't understand and she didn't know how to change that. Her next words came unbidden from a place of intense pain even though she knew they were wrong. "I wonder what Gwen would think if she actually knew everything instead of the bullshit you've told her." Blair said tilting her head to the side as a smirk rose to her face.
With violent words and empty threats
Chuck cocked his head ever so slightly as he glared at Blair as she sat before him. Part of him was appraising her, trying to see if she was serious or just trying to talk a bigger game than she was willing to play. "You wouldn't dare tell her."
And it's sick that all these battles
Innocent eyes wide, Blair fluttered her lashes. "Are we forgetting what I did to Eva when I hated you? Can you imagine the kind of effort I would put in against actual competition?"
Are what keeps me satisfied
"DAMN IT BLAIR!" Chuck shouted as he slammed his hand down on the table so hard that the glasses shook with the force. "I won't let you take me back there. I don't play games anymore; I don't declare war and write elaborate treaties of peace. You lied before, you lied when you said you were different. You're never going to grow up, you'll never stop playing games."
Just gonna stand there and watch me burn
Blair just shook her head this time, holding together a strong front in the face of Chuck's wrath. "I'm not playing games Chuck, not when it comes to you. I want you. I want you so much it hurts and if I have to eliminate Gwen to have you I'll do it. Because I've never been more serious about anything in my life. And all I'll have to do is tell the truth - that's not a game."
But that's all right because I like the way it hurts
Chuck gripped his glass so tightly his knuckles turned white as he spoke. "Stay away from Gwen."
Blair's eyes narrowed as she smirked. "Tell her the truth or I will."
Just gonna stand there and hear me cry
Chuck felt the glass shatter in his hand before he realized how tightly he'd gripped it but he didn't even flinch as he stared Blair down. "Gwen is my girlfriend. I'll tell her what I wish on my terms. And I swear if you interfere you'll wish I was the Chuck that still played games because if I lose it now there are no limits."
But that's all right because I love the way you lie
Blair sat frozen as Chuck stood and walked out, without another word. Looking down at the shattered glass across the table Blair felt herself begin to shake as the tears that she'd been holding back began to fight their way forward. Oh God, what had she done? What the hell had she done to him?
I love the way you lie
Chuck struggled to compose himself in the elevator to his apartment. He was so furious he couldn't contain it. His hands were shaking as his mind raced. He couldn't let Gwen know that Blair had upset him, just like he couldn't tell Gwen the whole truth. She knew so much of what he'd done to Blair but she didn't know the intricacies and she didn't know that once upon a time Blair had been his entire life.
Steadying his demeanor he exited the elevator to see Gwen waiting in the front sitting room, leaning against the back of the couch.
"Hey baby." She spoke, taking a few steps forward and wrapping her arms around Chuck's neck. Leaning in she placed a soft slow kiss on his lips.
Chuck smiled as he drew away, his hands still around her waist. Something about Gwen made all the bad stuff go away; the complications with what was going on with Blair smoothed out until it wasn't important anymore. "Hey." He spoke, his voice low.
Gwen smiled. "How was dinner? Did you guys have the chance to catch up?"
Chuck looked down at Gwen and could see the love in her eyes and with that the trust. She'd been trying to give him a gift by allowing him to reconnect with Blair and he didn't have it in him to tell her the truth; forget all the other reasons. "I think it was good for both of us to remember the way things were." Chuck spoke trying to stay as close to the truth as he could. Because it was good for them to remember the state of things when she'd left, it reaffirmed all of his current choices.
Gwen's smile brightened. "I'm glad."
Chuck reached forward and brushed a piece of hair back from her face, letting his fingers graze her cheek as he tucked the hair behind her ear. "Are you spending the night?"
Gwen shrugged lightly as she shook her head. "No, I have a meeting tomorrow morning at 7 at Lincoln Center."
Chuck nodded in understanding as he took a step backward. Gwen's apartment was Upper West Side so it was only a two minute walk from her apartment to Lincoln Center. The commute from the New Yorker would take at least half an hour. "I'll walk out with you." He spoke as he started moving towards the elevator. "I have a meeting with security."
Gwen's eyes widened in surprise even as she slid her hand into his so that he could lead her out. "Why on earth do you have a meeting now? It's almost midnight."
Chuck sighed as he stepped back into the elevator. It was an odd arrangement but it worked and it was something he'd been doing as long as he could remember. "We try to meet at least once a week to discuss security concerns and anything they might have flagged as unusual though not urgent in the security tapes. By doing it at night it keeps it from interfering with my personal life or business meetings and it's a slower time of day for security so it's not crucial they be watching the monitors."
Gwen nodded. "I see." That was interesting, she'd been dating Chuck for two years and this was the first she'd encountered one of these meetings.
Chuck could see where her thoughts were heading and he cut in so that she didn't have to ask. "I schedule them around my time with you."
Smiling, Gwen looked at him with adoring eyes. He was so very good to her and he knew her better than anyone she'd ever been with. Their similarities drew them together and yet their differences seemed to make them stronger; they were like perfect complements. Walking out of the elevator she drew him to her, placing a goodbye kiss on his lips. Though as she pulled away she realized she had one more question. "What merits a security concern that isn't urgent?"
Chuck shrugged because honestly it depended. "Usually, inappropriate behavior like flashing the security camera, people who've pulled the emergency stop button, curious behavior that while isn't threatening might be a concern later, multiple episodes by the same resident or guest of over the top drunkenness, and of course the regular make-out/grope session."
A frown jokingly slid on to Gwen's face as she lifted her eyebrows. "You must love this part of your job." She spoke seriously before laughing.
Chuck laughed as well, he knew Gwen didn't care about things like this and after all as she said, it was part of his job. Smirking he lifted his eyebrows suggestively. "Sometimes Nate comes and you're of course welcome to join anytime."
Rolling her eyes Gwen simply shook her head before playfully swatting his shoulder. "You Chuck Bass are incorrigible."
Grinning Chuck gave her a real goodbye kiss and told her goodnight before making his way to the security room. As he opened the door he could see the men of his security team already crowded around a screen. "Sorry I'm late boys." He said sauntering forward until he could see the screen a bit better though for the time being his view was still partially obscured. It looked like a dark haired woman crying. From his current position he couldn't see much but her life must be pretty terrible to be falling apart in public - he couldn't help but feel pity for the woman. "What do we have here?"
The head of security turned and looked at Chuck, moving so Chuck could move to a better vantage point. He gave a nonchalant gesture as he picked up the remote to move on. "It's just some young woman having a mental breakdown in the north elevator; nothing to note we just pulled it because she pulled the emergency stop."
Chuck started to nod, giving the man permission to move to the next concern when he saw it. "Wait." He called, moving closer until he could see for sure. What he saw made his heart contract painfully as his mouth dried out. He recognized that bag on the floor, he knew it wasn't released to the public yet but he knew someone who had it, someone who'd been carrying it a day they'd come to his office.
Just gonna stand there and watch me burn
Swallowing tightly he tried to wet his throat enough to speak. "Rewind that." He croaked. As the head of security pressed play again Chuck shook his head. How could he have ever thought that she was just an anonymous girl? Now everything about her from her stance to her attire to the way her body moved as she cried screamed to him who she was.
But that's all right because I like the way it hurts
Chuck squirmed as he watched through the 10 minute video. His stomach turned as he watched her collapse in upon herself. He hated that he felt sadness as she first grasped the handrail then slid down to the floor, pulling the emergency stop as she did. There'd been so few instances when he'd seen her lose it. Blair Waldorf didn't lose control, certainly not somewhere she might be observed. And Blair Waldorf did not fall apart, she had to be strong to support everyone else.
Just gonna stand there and hear me cry
A twinge went off inside of Chuck as he thought of the way she'd once supported him. A part of him wondered if she was losing control right now, if their argument could have caused another scene like this. It made him nauseous to think that it might have.
But that's all right because I love the way you lie
It was the North elevator, the one that reached his penthouse and just like he recognized the bag, he recognized her outfit but just to be sure he asked the head of security. "What day was this?"
The head of security looked at Chuck strangely; he didn't usually take particular interest in any of the tapes. While starting out serious these session had mostly turned into entertainment over the years. "Monday afternoon around five-thirty."
I love the way you lie
Chuck nodded, he was right. This was Blair leaving the New Yorker after meeting Gwen. And it was like a car crash that he couldn't look away from watching. His eyes wouldn't avert from her shaking form even with the knowledge that she'd been leaving his apartment when she hit this state. He didn't care that watching her made his entire body revolt, he couldn't look away.
So maybe I'm a masochist
His mind raced with questions while simultaneously answering them and piecing it all together. It made sense now; Blair and Gwen had gotten along and it had been what caused Blair to finally realize that he'd moved on. This was a video of Blair discovering that he'd fallen in love with someone new.
I try to run but I don't wanna ever leave
As the video continued Chuck's jaw tightened at the pain he was witnessing because what he hated most of all was the fact that in that moment all he wanted was to have been there to comfort her because seeing Blair fall apart like that made him feel like he was the one falling apart.
'Til the walls are goin' up
This was the last thing that was supposed to happen; he was not supposed to care about her anymore. "Shit." He muttered as he watched the video of Blair fade into another.
In smoke with all our memories
Blair left her cab angry. She didn't care that Chuck had left her to pay the bill, she didn't care that he'd left at all - she'd told him at the start that he could. What she cared about was what he believed about her; the kind of person she was, her feelings for him, and most of all what he believed about why she left. She was angry, but she wasn't angry at Chuck; she was angry at herself, this was her fault and there was no way to avoid that.
"How was dinner?" Serena asked, looking up over a magazine at Blair as she exited the elevator. Though she wished she hadn't the moment she saw Blair's face.
Blair ignored Serena's questions as she stormed through the foyer and towards the stairs. She didn't care if S was mad at her tomorrow, she'd get over it. It wasn't like Blair could spill half of what had happened at dinner anyway. There were too many secrets, too many holes that weren't filled in for her to explain just what had gone wrong.
"That good huh?" Serena asked standing and following Blair as she stomped up the stairs. Serena couldn't help but laugh lightly to herself. She was Blair's best friend of course; but there was a part of her that liked seeing Blair scramble for once. It was about time she fought for Chuck if that was what she wanted. Serena couldn't help but note that it had been a long time since Blair had been the one fighting for him; not since senior year of high school.
Blair simply glared at Serena as she glanced over her shoulder before opening her bedroom door and slamming it in Serena's face. It was okay for Serena to know she was mad but Blair could feel the hot sting of tears behind her eyes and she did not want Serena to see how pathetic she was becoming.
Serena just shook her head and grinned. "I guess we'll talk tomorrow then." As she turned to go to her room, Serena could hear Blair let out a scream of what she imagined must be frustration into her pillow. Serena might have been worried if they were still in high school but they weren't and she wasn't because she'd just figured something out and she had a feeling that once Blair thought about it, she'd see it too. So for now, she'd leave her alone.
Blair flopped down on the bed screaming in frustration at the sobbing mess she was becoming once again. Blair Waldorf was not and had never been one to break down and cry. She did not lose control like that but she was so furious with herself and once the fury subsided she knew what would come next, the terrible feelings of defeat.
Just gonna stand there and watch me burn
Like clockwork she felt her emotions mounting and overflowing. She'd never seen Chuck so passionately angry as he'd gotten tonight. He was never going to forgive what she'd done, maybe worse he was never going to forget. The majority of dinner had gone so well it wasn't until the end that things had fallen apart. It all happened so quickly, of course starting with the topic of children. It was her fault for saying that she'd wanted that with him, she'd chosen to take that road but she couldn't lie about it.
But that's all right because I love the way you lie
And of course that led to the Hamptons, everything would always go back to the Hamptons. One of only two times she could remember when they'd both been so completely on the same page. Both had wanted the same things, she'd just been too scared and too proud to admit it and he'd been too hurt and too damaged to stop her. So she'd done the unthinkable and she'd let him think the worst of her he could. That was the thing she regretted the most in life, not leaving four years ago. A part of her had needed to go the first time. The Hamptons, on the other hand, had been sheer idiocy. The tears that were now rolling down her face seemed to eat away at her like acid, corroding the self-loathing and pain until she was numb just as it always did.
Just gonna stand there and hear me cry
But the numbness was not coming easily tonight, something was tugging at the back of her brain, something was resisting. As she made an effort to isolate and explore that thought she felt her tears began to slow. He'd threatened her, he'd actually threatened her. He had to know she wouldn't actually do anything to Gwen, she didn't even know if she was still the same kind of person that could reveal their history to Gwen much less do worse. But the question was why was he so scared?
But that's all right because I love the way you lie
Sure Gwen would be suspicious if Chuck came clean, more so if Blair was the cause; but she loved him and she'd move past it. Gwen was a smart girl. She wouldn't be suspicious if there wasn't something to be suspicious of.
I love the way you lie
In that moment the tears ceased, Blair's shaking stopped, and her eyes widened. She looked at her reflection in her vanity mirror as she lay on the bed and she could see the blotchiness begin to clear her cheeks as the smallest hint of a smile began to play on her lips because Blair had finally realized just what had gone wrong at dinner. Ambivalent people didn't get that angry, they didn't threaten, they didn't keep secrets and hate wouldn't cause him to hide things from Gwen. Whether Chuck realized it or not he wasn't nearly as over her as he thought he was.
Ooh, I love the way you lie
Serena smiled as she heard an end to Blair's tears because she knew that Blair had figured it out. Shaking her head she heard Blair shuffle around for a moment as though looking for something before leaving her room and then the apartment. She wasn't entirely certain where Blair was going but she had a good feeling that she wasn't feeling nearly as down as she had been an hour ago.
Blair was still reeling from a mix of emotions as she walked into the hospital. Part of her was still an emotional wreck waiting to happen, but the feeling of abject hopelessness was gone. Yet another part of her was still furious at the whole situation but now there was this spark in her. She knew the way to change things; if she was going to change the way everyone viewed her she had to start being honest. Hadn't that been what she had been threatening Chuck with? The truth? Maybe it was time she started employing the truth for herself.
Reaching up to the chain now around her neck she felt strengthened by its presence there once more and the heaviness that rested underneath her blouse. This was just the reminder she needed today for what she was about to do.
She knew it was late, well past visiting hours at the hospital but she'd planned to claim to be Steph's sister; if that failed there was very little a few hundred dollar bills would deny you. That had been the plan as per usual but the nurse on duty didn't even stop her as she walked past. Leave it to Lennox Hill to not even enforce the visiting hour regulations.
Reaching Steph's hospital room, she peeked in through the opening in the door. She could see Steph asleep in the bed, the incubator holding little Rosaleigh nearby, then Dan sitting in the chair watching them both. Quietly, Blair pushed the door open just enough to get Dan's attention. Slipping her head into the room she met Dan's curious gaze and gestured with her head for him to join her outside.
Standing Dan stretched his muscles. He'd been in the same chair for a long time but he was too mystified to sleep. After what he'd watched happen today he was so in awe of the world that he had trouble averting his gaze let alone close his eyes. So he'd simply been staring there watching the two most important women in his life - his two girls - sleep, when Blair had arrived.
Blair backed further into the hallway as Dan came outside to join her. "I hope I didn't wake you or Steph, I know it's been an exciting day."
Dan grinned shaking his head. "Steph's been out cold for hours, the exhaustion finally caught up with her but I haven't been able to stop smiling long enough to sleep." Blair smiled but Dan could see that there was something on her mind. "What's going on?"
Blair couldn't help but grin. Dan had an ability to read her that rivaled Chuck's and in some ways surpassed it. Intellectually, Dan had an innate ability to form conclusions based on a simple emotional read of her current state. It was what made him so judgmental but it did have its uses. "If you're feeling up to it I was hoping we could talk for a bit."
Dan nodded. "Of course, do you want to go to the waiting room?"
Blair gave a nod herself before gesturing towards the hospital room. "Yes, but you might want to grab your laptop."
"What?" Dan asked, even as he took her advice and turned towards the room. Of course he had it, he never went anywhere without it because who knew when he'd be inspired to write.
Blair gave him a wry smile. "You're going to add a new chapter to your book."
Dan furrowed his eyebrow. "My book?"
Blair simply nodded and started backing down the hallway. "I'm going to tell you what happened two years ago when Chuck and I ran into each other in the Hamptons."
"Do you care if I get my recorder too?" Dan asked quickly, knowing that this might be the only time he would get Blair to talk openly about this.
"Might as well." Blair said with a light sigh.
It wasn't ten minutes later when Blair and Dan were comfortably seated in the waiting room that Dan really allowed himself to think about what she said she was going to tell him. It was then that he finally asked for clarification. "So I was right this morning, something did happen two years ago."
Blair nodded, exhaling as she prepared for what she was about to say. "Yeah something happened."
Dan moved to place his elbows on his knees. "How? You'd been so careful to avoid him at all cost."
"I wasn't very subtle, was I?" Blair asked with a lifted eyebrow.
Dan practically snorted. "You moved across the country, I'd say that's pretty obvious."
Laughing, Blair began to feel at ease but she knew what was stopping her from talking, there was still a twinge of uncertainty that seemed to be haunting her. She'd never told anyone this but once more she reached up and placed a hand on her chest, happy to find the familiar feeling against her hand that she once had known so well.
"Whenever you're ready." Dan spoke as he turned on the recorder, being careful to ensure he met her gaze head on, he didn't want her to change her mind because he was dying to know what it was that they had all missed.
Channeling all of her emotions from earlier and funneling them into the goal she'd set out to accomplish - she had to tell someone the truth - she inhaled deeply, she then slowly exhaled and with that she began to speak.
The song is Love the Way You Lie Pt. II by Rihanna but I used the Colton Dixon version. And yes for all of you who are curious, the next chapter will be almost entirely set in the Hamptons 2 years ago so get excited for some major CB action.
Reviews are always appreciated!
xoxo - kate