Who Saves the Hero (New-AU Version)

by Kudara

Rewrite of my work: Who Saves the Hero? Humanity is very much a minor newcomer to the Galactic scene, comprising only 15 B out of 3.5 T sentients. The Citadel Council has been in existence for 10,000 years, and the Asari Republics space faring for 18000 years prior to its founding. In such a Galaxy, the recently revived Shepard must determine who are her allies and who her foes.

19. Part 1: Chapter 19

Disclaimer: The Mass Effect universe is the property of Bioware/Electronic Arts. No infringement of these copyrights is intended as this is a not for profit fan fiction work.

Rewrite Notes: Still inspired by the Beyonce song "Save the Hero," from the album I am…Sasha Fierce.

Author's Notes: Spectre Alena M'Tara is based on LuckyFK's Confidence picture on DeviantArt.

Revision History: 3/3/2018

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Part 1: Chapter 19::12 Days Post-Awakening: Citadel, Citadel Tower, Conf. Rm 137 Part 7

Tela stared pensively at the display screen which showed what was currently going on in the other conference room. The Council was going to agree to Shepard's proposal, she had known that from the moment Shepard had confronted Sparatus, clearly laying out the reasoning for letting her continue this charade with Cerberus to find out what exactly was on the other side of the Omega 4 Relay. To either prove or disprove if she had really understood the message on the beacon…and whether or not these Reapers actually existed.

"They're going to let her go," Alena commented from beside her, not sounding very pleased about it at all.

Vasir knew that her fellow Spectre and friend had been particularly concerned by all the evidence that indicated that Shepard was having a very difficult time dealing with her reconstructed body. The weight loss, the skin irritation - and worse the evidence that she was actively avoiding looking at herself to the extent that she hadn't noticed either. "Yes, they are," Tela confirmed, "if everything she's been telling us about how she learned her new biotic abilities and about the Protheans is true, then she probably didn't misunderstand that beacon message." Tela crossed her arms, she couldn't believe she was actually saying this, "And that means these Reapers she's been talking about might just be real." She heard the thread of fear in her voice, the hint of it in her scent as she said the words. She had been a Spectre now for nearly three hundred years, not much made her truly afraid these days, but the thought of thousands of ships like the one that had attacked the Citadel invading…yes that was certainly cause for fear.

She saw Alena turn and stare at her with an unusually serious expression on her face, "They can't be, I know they are refitting every ship but…" her voice trailed off.

Tela understood exactly what the other matron meant; if both Shepard and Dr. Nuwani were right, then these Reapers did this every 50,000 years, harvesting all space-faring races and somehow using their genetic material to create more of themselves. They had eradicated the Protheans and countless other races before them - far more would be needed to defeat them than just refitting the Republics' Fleet to the latest technology.

Perhaps Shepard was wrong though, the matron thought hopefully, or perhaps she was overstating what she knew from the Cipher? She was a talented actress, they had seen that earlier…but, Tela's brief moment of hope flitted away, the changes in her aura, that was not something that acting out a role could possibly affect. The human's aura shifted and altered in ways an aura shouldn't be able to do as Shepard reached into those memories within the Cipher. Then just minutes ago, with the news that the Collectors may have once been Protheans, they had witnessed evidence from Shepard's reaction that, far from being just bits and pieces of memory, the Cipher seemed to contain full personalities in addition to their memories. That would at least partially explain why Shepard's aura altered as it did whenever she accessed the Cipher. No, the nais decided, Shepard might be overstating what she knew, but she was not making up that cluster of memories in her human mind where asari would store memories from their meld partner.

Alena scowled, "And we are putting all of that responsibility on one human…one who died and the was brought back, one who isn't really dealing with everything associated around that very well, and, as we've just seen, one who has the memories and personalities of multiple centuries old Protheans rattling around in her maiden's mind." In the next instant the tall lavender asari allowed with a sigh, "Alright, she is doing rather well considering its only been twelve days and her circumstances are far from ideal for her recovery. Still, it's far too much to put on one human…well any one person really, especially considering how critical this may prove to be for all of us and not just the Alliance."

Vasir made a slight sound of agreement, the only reason the humans had been given a Council seat was to teach them that they were not yet ready for it, that their ambitions far outstripped their ability to actually fulfill the demands that would be placed on them as a Council member. That said though, "I doubt the Council will assign only Shepard to this," Tela commented, "and I'd like to point out that this particular human has already done more than she was supposed to be able to accomplish when they made her a probationary Spectre to appease the Alliance. She managed to stay on the track of Saren, something the STG didn't even manage," she added with a slight smile, "despite being limited to whatever intelligence resources she gained on her own and the Alliance's, and, if she's right, she managed to stop the Reapers invasion two years ago."

"And what?" Alena shot back, "we're supposed to press our luck, and hers, even further on the hope that she can repeat it? I'd like to remind you she's already died once going up against the Collectors because of the Council sending her off with one ship on a mission that should have been assigned to an entire scouting group."

"They could have hardly known about the Collectors," Tela protested, though she did wonder at the Council's choice herself, they had probably sent Shepard and her crew off to keep them from talking about the Reapers too much in public. When the Collectors had offered enough credits the Shadow Broker had doubtless found a way to track their location and then happily turned over the information to the Collectors. Someday she knew, the Broker would make a mistake and she would get the information she needed for RIS to track him or her down to their lair and then take over their entire operation. RIS running the Shadow Broker's entire operation, that had so much potential for the Republics, she just had to be patient.

"No," Alena agreed drawing her attention back to her fellow Spectre, "but I'm wondering if it's in the back of her mind. You'll notice she didn't come here just to report to the Council, she came here to offer them something she knew they wouldn't turn down in return for letting her continue the mission she's been on ever since she activated that beacon on Eden Prime."

"Stopping the Reapers," Tela responded after a moment, recognizing the truth of it. She glanced over at her fellow Spectre, "You realize if we put her on medical leave like you want she would just try to break out of the hospital." She thought about it for a moment and then added, "And with her new biotic abilities courtesy of those Prothean memories she would probably succeed too." She shook her head, "The thought of how she's been blithely flash stepping as if there were no danger to it…"

"It's a wonder she hasn't stepped into something," Alena finished her thought and the two of them shared a look. "You know I'm right though, the safest thing at this point is for her not to try and back track and start thinking too much about what she's doing when she flash-steps."

Tela scowled, "How about not doing it at all until she," she emphasized the word, "actually understands what she's doing. You and I spent decades learning how to flash step and we are still cautious when executing it because we understand the risks associated with the skill." M'Tara just shot her a look in reply to that and Vasir sighed, "I know, it's too much of a tactical advantage for her not to use it. At least she could start being a bit more cautious in her end placement, she doesn't have to step within inches of walls when she doesn't absolutely need to."

Alena made a noise of agreement and then returned to the subject of Shepard's current status, "She wouldn't be on medical leave for that long. She just needs a month or so to fully recover from her injuries and learn how to control those memories." She then added, "You saw Dr. T'Rani's report," to make her point.

Tela had indeed, seen Dr. T'Rani's report. It had been sobering to read, almost half of the human's body had been replaced in some manner or augmented with cybernetics to ensure its continued functioning. Even her tale about being frozen seemed to be the truth given the evidence the doctor had found in the scans of her body and augmented eezo nodes. Physical evidence which matched up exactly to what had been observed in the experiments the Republics had done a few centuries ago on their frozen specimens. Tela couldn't imagine how in the world Shepard was dealing with everything as well as she was plus the weight of her current mission. Certainly, the human must have a great deal of inner strength, and she couldn't help but wonder what it would like to dip within the human's mind. "I wonder what it would be like to meld with her," she spoke her thought aloud, "she must have a very strong mind to be able to have accomplished what she has so far."

"Given her scent earlier, stressed, worried and tired. I wouldn't be surprised to find her mind full of her fears and concerns," Alena answered with an uncharacteristically serious response for her.

She turned to look at the taller asari with look of interest, "You really do like her, it isn't just because Tevos ordered us to befriend her."

"And you don't?" Alena instantly challenged her in return, "You ordered enough food for six, and cajoled her into eating far more than she desired."

Tela smirked, not at all embarrassed by her friends pointed observation, "She is a very interesting and unique individual. Tevos may have ordered us to get closer to her, but I would have desired to know her better in any case."

M'Tara inclined her head in agreement, "Indeed, it's lucky I happened to be on the Citadel when Tevos needed another Senior Spectre who was also a strong biotic, otherwise it might have been quite some time before I happened to meet with her." The taller asari smirked teasingly at her, "You'll notice she's yet another human female that appreciates my markings and voice."

Vasir made a dismissive sound at that, it was a bit annoying how easily Alena managed to attract the attention of human women. Her height, unusual natural markings and deeper voice gave her rather of an unfair advantage over the rest of them.

"Well you can't fault her dedication to her crew," M'Tara bemusedly commented moments later, pulling Tela out of her thoughts.

"Hmm?" the nais turned her attention to the display screen, wondering what she had missed that caused Alena to react that way.

"She's making an effort to persuade the Council to not deactivate the AI on her ship that's spying on everyone at the end of her mission," Alena's voice held a mixture of disbelief and amusement.

"What?" Tela incredulously asked as she returned her full attention to the discussion going on next door.

"I am simply saying that EDI has been extremely helpful so far," Shepard was saying, "she operated a reconnaissance drone and provided valuable intelligence for our mission on Korlus."

"She is not a she!" Sparatus growled, "she is nothing more than a machine!"

"She," the human emphasized the word, "is both useful and needed, certainly none of my crew members possess the level of skill necessary to shut out another AI out of our electronic systems."

"An AI to combat an AI," Valern interrupted the argument, "that could prove useful provided that the AI their combating does not hack them and take them over."

"In which case the AI in question would be capable of taking over ship's systems anyway," Shepard was quick to point out to the salarian Councilor. "Sophisticated computer systems are required to run today's ships and are vulnerable to electronic attacks of various kinds which is why we protect them with electronic defenses and countermeasures. An AI will be more effective at that task than a crew person at an interface."

"Provided they don't just side with another AI and give the ship over to them!" Sparatus countered in an angry growl. "Did you learn nothing from what happened two years ago with the Geth?"

"EDI is not a Geth, her development was not accidental," Shepard rebutted, "and she is currently shackled. While I find her instructions to summarize what happens on-board the ship annoying and intrusive, I still do not feel that her intent is malicious in any way."

Unlike Shepard, who was unaware of the current conversational undercurrents, both Vasir and M'Tara quite aware of them and the history behind them. About a decade before the Geth War the Salarian Union had proposed and won approval for the development of an experimental AI primarily for just this propose over the objections of the then turian Councilor, Councilor Galus, and with the ambivalent support of Councilor Tevos. The first AI units had been developed just before the war began and were operational when the news broke about the Geth War. Tevos had promptly shifted from ambivalent to anti-AI and sided with Councilor Galus to forbid all further AI development within Citadel space…which left the question of what to do with the AI that the Salarians had just developed. Before the Council could complete their deliberations on the subject however, the C-Sec personnel assigned to guard the units had destroyed them. The entire squad had been reprimanded and the turian C-Sec squad leader who had ordered his squad to open fire, a relative of Councilor Galus, had been dismissed from C-Sec for not waiting upon the Council's final decision. That however, didn't change the fact that the AIs, who until then had shown no sign of aggression toward their organic creators, had been destroyed. The Union had blamed the Hierarchy for what happened and the fact that the turian who had done it had been placed in a fairly high governmental position upon his return to the Hierarchy had not helped matters.

"I say we wait," Anderson interrupted the ongoing argument, "see what happens with this AI and make our decision then when we have more information than we do now."

"That is a reasonable suggestion," Valern instantly agreed with him, and turned toward Tevos to get her reaction.

The asari Councilor glanced over at Anderson for a moment and then Shepard before she said, "Very well, I see no reason why we need to make this decision at this time."

Seeing that he was outvoted and that Tevos was not going to support him, Sparatus growled, "You will regret giving that thing so much time to determine how to kill all you and escape."

"Perhaps," Shepard responded to him, "or perhaps I'll be pleasantly surprised by her, I have been so far."

Tela and Alena exchanged surprised glances at that, and then Alena bemusedly commented with a shrug, "Well…she is supposed to have an open mind when it comes to non-humans. I guess that extends to non-organic as well, even after her experiences with the Geth."

The remainder of the meeting was taken up with the more mundane details of exactly how Shepard was to keep the Council apprised of her progress in finding a way through the Omega 4 relay. How she might be allowed into League space - probably with an escort - though the human hadn't appeared very happy with that possibility. Finally, they discussed reinstating Shepard's Spectre status. After some back and forth the Council agreed to provisionally re-instate it with several caveats given her current Cerberus associates. Shepard was not permitted to dock her ship with its Cerberus crew at any Citadel world without pre-authorization, and they were not permitted on the Citadel at all. Shepard herself was not permitted on the Citadel without authorization from a Council member who would then notify the Council and Spectre Office of the times of her visit so that she could be met at customs by one of them and escorted to where she would change out of her Cerberus provided armor and provided replacement clothing of her choosing for the duration of her stay. Tela and Alena glanced at each other with matching frowns at that, but Shepard herself didn't seem to be too bothered with the restriction.

12 Days Post-Awakening: Citadel, Presidium

Shepard still wasn't happy with the idea of having an escort the entire time they were within League space. However, she could see Tevos' point that the Warlords would not trust her Cerberus crew without the guarantee of their people being able to keep them under direct observation at all times. She had learned from the asari Councilor that the Republics had indeed determined that Cerberus was trying to develop an anti-biotic bio-weapon. The League had determined that as well, which was why they had offered bounties for any Cerberus personnel caught within their territory. They wanted as many eyes as possible searching for the human terrorists in the hope that it would either deter or stop an attack. Tevos had given no hint of what the Republics was doing about Cerberus, but Shepard did not doubt they were also running their own anti-Cerberus operation.

"What's bothering you?" Alena inquired from where she was leaning against the elevator wall. Once the Council meeting had ended, it hadn't made any sense to make one of the acolytes bring over tea and cookies for them so instead the three Spectres had decided to walk over to the Consort's compound. Right now, they were descending to the ground floor of the Citadel Tower, from there they would make their way to the Presidium exit.

"I'm wondering how to keep my identity and the identity of the ship under wraps if the League decides that we do have to be escorted as Councilor Tevos suspects they will," Shepard admitted. "If it becomes widely known that we're humans on technologically advanced ship then chances are we'll have issues with both pirates and slavers anywhere outside of League space."

"That could be a problem," Vasir acknowledged from her other side. "I guess you are pretending to be asari out there?" she asked the question with a dry tone.

"I'm not bad at it," Shepard emphasized the I part of her statement. She knew full well that in the past she had usually been the exception rather than the rule in their special ops 'asari' mercenary groups. The guys had generally…well, sucked at it, which was not a great surprise. Fortunately for them, the asari out in the Terminus were generally generous when it came to letting a small group of humans try to blend in among them. Though as Jack had noted on Korlus that was sometimes due to the fact they wanted to get in their pants and hoped for a bit of sexual quid pro quo.

Tela laughed at that, "So I've heard," the nais commented with slight smile curving her dark blue lips and a brief sweeping glance of Amanda's body.

Shepard noticed the curiosity and intrigue in the matron's brown eyes as the asari looked her up and down, and it made Shepard wonder if both Senior Spectres were interested in her instead of only one. It was flattering if a bit disconcerting as well, as asari matrons had a bit of a reputation for the strategic, and sometimes outright manipulative, ways they pursued individuals they picked out as a potential donor partner for their future child. She also wondered exactly where and when the other Spectre had come across that bit of knowledge, but before Shepard could figure out how to get the information she desired the elevator came to a halt and its doors slid open. The three of them exited and then headed down the hallway toward the Presidium ground entrance.

"They have a vested interest in you succeeding," Vasir carefully continued their conversation once they were outside and a bit away from everyone else, "I'll speak with the matriarch, emphasize the danger of your identity becoming common knowledge."

"I will as well," M'Tara added, "Your right that the technology in your ship, especially the stealth technology, would be something that not only pirates, but also some of the non-League Warlords might be interested in as well for themselves as well as to sell to the Batarians. That's technology that neither the Citadel or League will want the Hegemony to get access to, so both governments will have an interest in making sure it stays out of their hands - which means keeping your identity well hidden, even if they are escorting you."

"True, that's a valid point," Tela nodded in agreement, looking impressed with the other matron's spur of the moment reasoning. "Might be a good idea to come up with an asari name for yourself and for your mercenary group," Vasir continued developing the idea. "Your best cover story would be as a mercenary group hired by the Lero Lineage, which would explain why Councilor Tevos would vouch for you to the League Warlords and why you would merit an escort to ensure the successful completion of your mission."

"Oh, that's good," M'Tara complemented her fellow Spectre, "with the Lero Lineage backing her no one would even ask why they were hired."

Shepard had to quietly laugh at the cover story they were developing for her as was essentially the same one she had used as a special forces operative…minus the well-known, amazingly rich, once noble Thessian Lineage hiring them for some unknown reason. That would have been entirely too attention getting and would have risked someone inquiring with said Lineage about the activities of their hired mercenaries - which probably wouldn't have turned out well for them when the Lineage in question sent Commandoes inquiring why they were making free with their Lineage's name. In any case, this was all provisionally based on whether or not Councilor Tevos, and the Potinia of her Lineage, would even agree to it and Shepard had no way of even guessing how likely that might prove to be even with the other two Spectres backing it. As they crossed from one side of the Presidium to the other, the two asari Spectres helpfully suggested one name after another. By the time that the three of them stepped off the bridge that spanned the lake in the center of the Presidium and chose the curving path to the left which led to the Consort's compound, Amanda Shepard turned into Am'da Saria, a common Lineage name used by several different families from the Serrice area, and a new mercenary unit had been created, Teukria's Company, after the famous ancient asari archer.

Finally, they reached the Consort's compound and walked through the wide entrance archway, designed to let two elcor walk side by side, into the building itself. The green eyes of the asari greeter behind the reception desk widened at the sight of the three of them in their formal blue and silver Spectre uniforms. The light blue complexioned nais collected herself quickly though, stepping out from behind the desk to greet them with a bow and a polite, "Salaa, Spectres, Consort Sha'ira awaits you in the meditation gardens." A sweep of her arm indicated the direction and the three of them followed along behind her as the maiden lead the way to where the Consort awaited them. The maiden they were following was not one that Shepard recognized from any of her previous visits two years ago. Unfortunately Nelyna, the maiden who had greeted her that first day, had not been at work the day of the Battle of the Citadel and had died during the fighting on the station along with her sister, Saphyria, who had been one of the Embassy receptionists. Shepard had attended the memorial service Sha'ira had held for both of the two maidens before leaving on her mission to hunt down Geth.

Shepard felt herself almost automatically relaxing as they entered the gardens, the familiar hues of bluish-green leafed shrubs, fern-like, short, thick-trunked trees, and brilliant blue, white, green and yellow flowers very familiar to her. She had spent many an hour here away from any prying eyes just relaxing or trying to figure out what she needed to do next in her pursuit of Saren. A few turns through the thickly planted garden and they reached one of the several private grottoes skillfully spaced throughout the area. Sha'ira was waiting for them there, looking just as beautiful Shepard remembered, tall and slender and somehow the epitome of elegance and grace even while standing still.

The Consort's gaze fixed upon Shepard and Amanda could see that Sha'ira's keen, deep-blue eyes were taking in everything as she approached from the unhealed areas on her cheeks to most likely the fact that she looked a bit gaunt in uniform. Their gazes met and Shepard could see the moment when Sha'ira accepted that it was actually her for the nais smiled, a bright joyous expression that clearly told of the Consort's happiness at seeing her alive. The open warmth and sincerity of the matron's welcome hit Amanda right in the chest, stealing her breath for a brief moment. "Salaa Spectres," Sha'ira greeted them as they drew closer, then she focused her attention on Shepard alone. "Amanda," she stepped forward and then paused, curiosity and concern ghosting over her expression as she tilted her head briefly from side to side. For a second or two Shepard was puzzled by this, but then she realized the nais was sensing her changed aura. Sha'ira's expression settled into warm concern and the asari took the last few steps forward. She stared for a long moment into Amanda's silver eyes, and then lifted one blue hand and cupped her cheek.

The Consort's presence seemed to envelop Shepard, the warm concern in her deep blue eyes, the distinctive lightly spicy and floral fragrance of her perfume, the care in her gentle touch. Amanda allowed herself a sorely needed moment of vulnerability, closing her eyes and leaning ever so slightly into Sha'ira's hand soaking in the comfort of the matron's presence. She heard the Consort exhale startled sounding breath and went to pull away, but then Sha'ira moved closer, wrapping her arms around Amanda and pulling her into a full body hug. The realization that this was the first time anyone had hugged her since she had woken hit Amanda hard, bringing incipient tears to her eyes. She wrapped her arms around the slightly taller matron and turned her head so that her betraying emotions were hidden against Sha'ira's neck and shoulder.

She had no idea what the two asari Spectres with her thought of this and honestly right at this moment she didn't give a damn about their opinions. This was the first time she felt that someone welcomed her back just for herself, without any overwhelming expectations of what she could do for them. Sha'ira had no such expectations of her, in fact, the Consort had gone out of her way two years ago to bring out Amanda's artistic side once she had learned about it by way of a casually made comment concerning a guitar-like musical instrument the asari had been carrying one day. Yes, Joker and Chakwas had warmly welcomed her back, but that had been as their Commander Shepard, leading them in the ongoing fight against the threat of the Reapers. She knew that was not really Joker or Chakwas' fault as she didn't let them see, or even know, about the other side of herself. That didn't change the fact however, that as unfair as it was to them, Sha'ira's greeting meant more to her, hit her on a more personal level, than theirs.

Sha'ira's arms around her shifted, one tightening around her back to pull her closer and the other sliding up to wrap around her shoulders as the nais's head tilted so that her cheek rest against the side of Shepard's head. The Consort's aura altered as well somehow giving the sense of wrapping protectively around her and Amanda became aware with her newly expanded sensitivity to them that the asari's aura was almost as strong as her own, and Vasir's and M'Tara's for that matter. That indicated Sha'ira was almost as strong a biotic as any of the three Spectres, something that surprised Amanda. Apparently, the way the Consort had been slinging around singularities and warps all the while maintaining a very strong barrier during the Battle of the Citadel hadn't been just an adrenaline-fueled fluke. Then she decided that it simply didn't matter and let herself enjoy the feeling of it, she had no idea you could do such a thing with your aura and it felt…very nice actually, very comforting and reassuring. It was somewhat like what the three Spectres had done in the shuttle when they harmonized their auras with her own, but felt much more protective than the 'we're all friends here' sense that she had gotten from the other. Protectiveness, it wasn't necessarily something that she would have once associated with the elegant and graceful Consort, but after seeing Sha'ira fight to protect her acolytes and those who had taken shelter within the compound Shepard had no doubt she was entirely capable of backing it up with action if necessary.

Shepard allowed herself to luxuriate in Sha'ira's embrace, soaking in the feeling of being held, touched, and cared for by another. To be able to do this without being concerned that someone would review a recording of it later and plot how to use it against her felt like a personal indulgence after the past nearly two weeks of being constantly under watch by Cerberus's on-board monitoring equipment and tattled on by the shackled EDI. Finally, and with a regretful sigh, she loosening her arms. Sha'ira slowly released her, though the asari didn't let her entirely retreat, holding onto her arms and giving her a keen look before leaning forward and brushing her lips across her forehead. As Amanda glanced at her questioningly in surprise, the Consort released her, took a step back and then with a graceful motion of her right arm directed her attention to where a table with four chairs awaited them. Vasir and M'Tara were already seated and had been served small platters of Merikewi cookies and a cup of Tuweapoda tea by the acolyte who stood nearby with a serving cart. Shepard was pretty sure the maiden was supposed to be being unobtrusive, but the wide smile that curved her lips and pleased expression were anything but…

"Carya," the maiden's warm smile was infectious, and Shepard couldn't help but smile back as she greeted the nais who was one of Sha'ira's Eliaon practitioners.

"Amanda," Carya greeted her in return, "the others wanted me to pass on their pleasure at hearing that you were still alive and were well enough now to visit with us."

Shepard felt her smile slip slightly, but then she quickly recovered. "Thank you," she replied sincerely, "tell them I look forward to hopefully seeing them again sometime soon depending on my schedule." So that was what the Council was saying publicly? What were they saying about her funeral? Where they saying they had thought she had been dead, but then became aware that she was not or something else? What exactly was her cover story here? Shepard hoped that she had covered her slip well enough but from the way Carya's smile had noticeably dimmed it seemed she had been less than successful in hiding her reaction.

Vasir sighed in a rather purposeful way drawing everyone's attention, "Where Shepard has been the past two years, and what exactly happened to her is restricted information for now. In accordance with your vows as consorts, your silence concerning anything you learn about these events is greatly appreciated by the Council." That was interesting noted Shepard, she had never heard about the consorts taking vows, but it did fit in with everything she had heard about their reputation for keeping their client's secrets secret.

Sha'ira deep blue eyes narrowed thoughtfully on the other matron and then she dipped her head and replied, "As always we respect the privacy of those that are both our clients and those that seek the shelter of our walls and have been given it as guests." Her gaze shifted to Shepard, "And especially to those that have become something more to us by their character and actions than just an occasional guest."

Both asari Spectres looked a bit startled at that and Alena commented, "Shepard mentioned that she and her team had assisted you during the Battle of the Citadel, you mean to give her permanent guest right here?"

"I do," Sha'ira affirmed as she met Amanda's startled light grey eyes, "she will always be freely welcomed within my walls."

That had a rote sense of formality to it, Shepard thought, and it seemed very familiar to her both from her Greek history and, interestingly enough, from Prothean history as well. 'You need to accept and state your understanding of your responsibilities toward your gracious host,' Lindariel's voice sternly echoed in her mind. "I gratefully accept your offer of hospitality and will always act as befits a guest within these walls and with respect toward you and yours." Much to Shepard's surprise, instead of being pleased Sha'ira reacted to her statement with a startled expression that shifted into disapproval just before she turned toward Spectres Vasir and M'Tara.

"Yes, her aura shifts and alters like a school of xayea in open waters," Alena responded to her unspoken question. That gave Shepard a strong clue as to what had surprised the matron, but why was she now unhappy with them?

"And that especially falls under restricted information," Tela quickly added, "and no, we had nothing to do with this." She stressed the nothing in an irritated tone.

"It does however allow us to ask Consort Sha'ira for her assistance in teaching Amanda the proper meditation techniques to deal with zeukeso," Alena calmly noted as she picked up another cookie and popped it in her mouth.

"From what I just felt, she should have been trained in these techniques months ago," the Consort said, sounding quite uncharacteristically stern, "and whichever nais is responsible for this should have also taken on the responsibility of training her in the techniques so that their memories never affected her to this extent."

Shepard decided that she needed to explain what she could about what was actually going on with her and her aura to Sha'ira. She looked over apologetically at Carya waiting by the cart, "I know you have taken a vow as well as a consort, but perhaps the fewer who are present right now the better and is there anyone else present in the garden?"

Sha'ira turned back toward her with a slight frown and stared at her searchingly for a long moment before finally replying, "No there is not, perhaps we should sit down and let Carya serve us and then she can retire for the evening." At the last she turned apologetically toward her acolyte.

Carya smiled reassuringly at both of them, "Of course, I will also instruct the rest of the acolytes to avoid the gardens until you are finished."

"Thank you, Carya," the Consort responded, and then with a graceful wave of her arm she motioned for Shepard to take a seat.

Joining the other two Spectres at the table, Shepard seated herself nearest M'Tara while Sha'ira sat down in the one remaining seat between Vasir and her. As soon as Carya finished serving them all and had left Amanda turned toward Sha'ira. "No asari is responsible for my zeukeso as it is related to my contact with the beacons," she very carefully phrased her statement to be entirely truthful and yet obscure the actual truth. Sha'ira frowned at her answer, spurring Amanda to hurriedly continue, "The personality you just felt affecting my aura was Prothean not Asari, and it would be a bit difficult for her to train me considering how long she's been deceased." Shepard considered the matter for a moment and then added, "Plus I don't think they were affected by zeukeso or anything like it so it probably wouldn't have occurred to her."

"Prothean," Sha'ira sounded understandably startled, then, "I thought the beacon only gave you a troubling vision of what had happened to them?"

"It's been an…" she paused to consider what word to use and finally settled on one, "unusual two years. A lot has happened to me during that time." Alena snorted in amusement at her answer, then took another sip of her tea and proceeded to take one of Shepard's cookies off her plate as the tall asari had already finished her own. Shepard stared at the nais in surprise then pulled her plate closer to herself as she grabbed one of the blue and white stripped round cookies. Tela watching the two of them sighed and pushed her own plate toward the center of the table. Lifting the cookie up to her mouth Amanda inhaled the slight floral fragrance, somewhat like lilac she mused, then popped the flavorful cookie into her mouth where it just seemed to dissolve upon her tongue.

Sha'ira watched the interplay between the three of them with keen interest, and perhaps a slight bit of amusement. After a moment she repeated thoughtfully, "Prothean memory imprints. I understand now why you want to limit this knowledge to as few as possible. In order to do that you must master the meditation exercises because the changes in your aura whenever you think of them currently are entirely too noticeable to any asari, and that will give rise to unwanted speculation. Fortunately, the technique is not difficult to learn and it should only take you a short while to understand it."

Shepard popped another cookie into her mouth, the sugar at least would help her stave off the growing lethargy in her limbs and mind. It was now going on well over twenty rather stressful hours since she had left the Menrva and she was definitely beginning to feel it. "Right now, or first thing in the morning?" she glanced over at Tela and Alena, "Besides finishing up our training session, do I have anything else scheduled for tomorrow?"

"I suspect both Councilor Anderson and Councilor Tevos will want to speak with you," Vasir replied to her question, "and Dr. T'Rani would like to meet with you for about an hour. Otherwise than that it's just picking up your armor and omni-tool before you leave." She glanced over at her compatriot to see if she had anything to add.

"How much longer do you expect the training to run?" Alena questioned her.

Shepard frowned in thought as she thought about what she still needed to go over, "Maybe three or so hours more?" Once the next day roughly arranged, the three asari decided to teach her the very basics of the meditative technique tonight and then Sha'ira would follow up with more in-depth training first thing in the morning.

"The danger of zeukeso," Sha'ira began, "is that you will absorb the memory imprint of another to the extent that it exerts an undue influence on your own memories and patterns of thinking. A young asari is expected to learn from the memories and experiences of others, but we also believe that it is critical that each maiden remain uniquely herself. That is the primary reason we encourage them to go out into the universe and take the time to explore. We want them to learn from its wonders and in the process learn about themselves and the person they want to become as a matron and matriarch." Shepard nodded in understanding, she had learned that much from her Alliance xeno-cultural classes on the Asari. The Consort continued, "The meditative technique I will be teaching you is designed to help the maiden retain a strong sense of her core self while learning from a memory imprint."

"The first step of the technique," Sha'ira explained, "is to pick a core set of formative memories to meditate upon. These core memories should be of formative events in your life that have shaped the person you are today. To begin, it's usually recommended that you to focus on a very strong memory from your early childhood. Explore that memory, determine what effect it had on the person you are today. It will become the first memory of a chain of memories that you will use to anchor your sense of self as you explore the memories of others like a ship anchoring at harbor to prevent the currents from either taking it back out to sea or grounding it upon the beach."

Shepard nodded her understanding even as she was a bit concerned about what might come next. Her memories were so vivid and real these days. She had found out the hard way that if she were not on guard against it that it was almost as easy to get lost in them as in one of the Prothean memories. She knew that Drell had the same difficulty, but it was one thing to intellectually know it and another thing to realize that you had lost all sense of where you were in the present as you were lost in a memory of the past.

"In case you're feeling self-conscious about this," Tela commented to her, "all of us use this meditative technique regularly even as matrons, it helps keep us grounded as ourselves."

Unexpectedly Alena added, "It's important to remember that the intent of this isn't to keep yourself from changing if the memory imprints contain wisdom for you. The intent is to make sure that you change as you would have if you had perhaps trained under them instead of their memory imprints overwhelming your own personality and beliefs. The difference is subtle perhaps, but it is also essential in understanding the meditation technique's purpose."

Shepard stared at the tall asari seated to her left in astonishment, this entire time the other Spectre had spent in flirtatious teasing and now out of the blue Alena offered a truly profound and useful point of view. "That's…thank you, the memories have helped me quite a bit so it's been odd to hear that they're some type of threat to me," she admitted, "though I understand about the cultural thing. While I admire Prothean culture in some ways, in other ways it's not admirable at all - especially in how they viewed races that were not their own as being intrinsically lesser. Even when they permitted them to be part of the Empire once they completely adopted Prothean ways and call themselves Protheans, they were still second-class citizens compared to those who were born Prothean and kept from rising to the highest levels of the government and military." Shepard sighed, "I know that's the case for most of our governments," she glanced around at the three asari matrons and noted they were simply listening to her and not disagreeing, "but I don't want to think that way."

"You truly mean that," Vasir sounded contemplative as she shifted to one side in her seat, resting her elbow on the arm of her chair and then resting her cheek in her hand.

"I do," Amanda met the asari's deep brown eyes, "we may have centuries of experience between us, but you and I are effectively equally as young, equally as chosen to be worthy of existence, and equally as loved by Her. Who then am I to judge you as either greater or lesser? Who am I to place my personal judgment higher than Her own judgment? If I did so I would imply that I think my judgment is better…and I would never either think that or be that disrespectful of Her." Fiona, Amanda's mother had been a Reformed Catholic and she had originally been raised as such with a leavening of her father's more deistic beliefs. One of the things she had been taught as a child was that Christ had warned Humanity not to presume to tell God how he should think or judge another person. Though she would not call herself either Catholic or Christian now, that admonition was at the core of her determination to be open-minded about others and to strive to only judge their actions and not their personhood or soul…though the Batarians made that very hard sometimes. Now…after her death, she was more certain than ever that she was correct in her beliefs. What She judged to be worthy of creating was worthy, and Amanda would not question Her judgment. Even when another person's actions and decisions and her actions and decision led to them fighting one another and her killing them, she did not question their existential right to exist nor offer her opinion on the disposition of their souls.

"That's an interesting way of thinking about it," Vasir finally responded with a bemused expression.

Shepard glanced over at Sha'ira, the Consort had a small smile playing upon her lips. She already knew of Amanda's spiritual beliefs for in the past they had discussed the differences between them and Asari Siari. Their eyes met and the Consort said, "You can prepare for learning the technique by considering what memories you want to comprise that core tonight, and then we can begin to create your memory chain tomorrow morning." That made Shepard relax, she was too tired and too anxious over asking Sha'ira if she could get her in contact with Liara to really concentrate on this right now.

As it became apparent they were essentially done for the night, Tela straightened up in her chair and said, "Well, it's time we took our leave, thank you for the pleasure of your time and hospitality Sha'ira." She rose to her feet motioning for Alena to join her before turning to Shepard, "The Spectres Office has made arrangements for a hotel room for you tonight."

"Or, you are welcome to remain here tonight," Sha'ira immediately offered as M'Tara pushed herself up from her chair.

That was just what Amanda had hoped might happen. "I'll remain here if it won't cause any trouble?" she glanced inquiringly at the two asari Spectres.

Tela and Alena glanced at one another and then Vasir shrugged, "I don't see why it would, it will certainly make it easier for you to get an early start tomorrow morning. We can come over around ten and then go over to the Tower together."

Shepard took that to mean that she wasn't really supposed to be wandering around on her own just yet. "Sounds good to me," she agreed after glancing inquiringly over at the Sha'ira to see if that time worked for her as well.

Five minutes later, after the two asari Senior Spectres had left, Sha'ira turned toward her with an inquiring look, "What is troubling you?"

Over the rising anxiety that was twisting her inside Amanda gave the Consort a weak smile at her insight, "Can you get me in touch with Liara T'Soni?"