So this is the final chapter on the Hamptons, sorry it took a bit longer than expected. I have a feeling that though it does give some answers, those answers bear more questions.
To my reviewers: CarolinaGirl21, Trosev, Stella296, wrighthangal, SouthernBelle88, annablake, bfan, iheartchair, LitPrincess2787, Sharry, Iz, kosoul7, LeftWriter224, GGfanficfan09, BellaB2010, and LovelyLydia You guys are fantastic as per usual! Hope you enjoy this chapter.
You meet 2 character this chapter Layne and Grayson Thorne. Normally I would post links to photos but I think that's still disabled on the site SOO I figured I'd let you know that Layne is a Sophia Bush type and Grayson is more of a Chris Lowell.
Note to readers of The Reality They Live With: I haven't abandoned this fanfic I promise, I've just got a bit of writers block on the next chapter. Once I get past that it's pretty well plotted so I should be smooth sailing for awhile.
Many thanks to my beta ggff-fan.
Chapter 9: What Happened in the Hamptons Part III
"Alright I'm back. Steph was still asleep as was Rosaliegh." Dan spoke quickly as he took his seat once more.
Blair nodded. "Good, I'm glad they're resting."
"You ready to continue?" Dan asked, the look in his eyes conveying that he knew that they were to the difficult part.
Running a hand from her head Blair smiled sadly. "Let's do this." She spoke softly before taking a sip of water and launching back into her memories.
Thursday
"Layne, this was a fantastic suggestion! These poached eggs are to die for." Blair exclaimed with a polite sparkle in her eye.
Layne Thorne smiled at the young Waldorf. "I'm glad you like them, the new chef here far outdoes the one from last season, especially when it comes to these eggs."
Blair smiled graciously. "I couldn't agree more" As she finished she glanced over at Chuck, locking eyes with him only for a moment. The look they exchanged was charged with the same electricity as the rest of the week had held but this time there was an added air of 'I've still got it' in Blair's gaze.
Chuck smirked at her in return because really it was amazing watching the way that she could work people. Together they were unstoppable. Sliding his hand across the table he placed it upon hers, linking his fingers with hers wordlessly.
Blair felt his hand close over hers and flipped her hand to lace her fingers through his. Smiling she couldn't help the feeling of rightness that seemed to fill her. This was how things were supposed to be. The rest of brunch was a blur of polite comments, engaging conversations, and secret touches and looks from Chuck.
When Chuck looked at her, it was all he could do to contain the affection that he felt. He was bursting with a love so bright that he knew it must radiate throughout the room. His suspicions of such were confirmed as Layne Thorne spoke.
Layne shook her head and smiled as she looked between Blair and Chuck, the couple simply amazed her. "I don't think I've ever seen a young couple as in love as the two of you. I swear it shows in every look the two of you share."
"You and Grayson are the same way." Blair said trying to casually laugh off the statement - it was one thing that she'd never quite managed to handle compliments about.
Grayson lifted an eyebrow and smirked. "No, Layne's right. There's just this absolute certainty that seems to exist between you. I can't quite place my finger on it."
Blair could feel the blush that rose to her checks as she smiled at Layne before glancing over at Chuck. When she did she saw exactly what Layne meant, the warmth between them was practically visible, like a cord tying them together. She was still trying to laugh it off but the seriousness in Chuck's eyes stilled her.
"Soulmates." Layne spoke softly as she looked between them.
It took a moment for Blair to register what words Layne had said as her gaze was still locked with Chuck's but the word seemed to resonate in her head until she turned to look at Layne. "I'm sorry, that was impolite of us."
Layne simply shook her head as she gave Blair what she supposed was a serious smile. "Never apologize for that kind of love Blair." With that she tilted her head to rest on Grayson's shoulder where he turned and placed a kiss on her forehead.
Chuck smiled looking at the older couple then back at Blair. Bringing their interlocked hands to his lips he kissed her hand. He knew he didn't need to say anything. Everything that could be said was communicated through his eyes.
Exhaling, Blair gave Chuck a slight nod of agreement that said she understood him, that she loved him, and that she always would.
It wasn't until later that afternoon as the two couples were shopping that Blair pulled Layne aside under the pretense of helping her with a particularly tricky garment.
Layne looked at Blair curiously but complied as the brunette led her back to the dressing room area. "So which one are we having trouble with?" She asked, though her voice conveyed that she was well aware that Blair would have asked a sales assistant for help if she was actually having trouble.
Pursing her lips Blair tilted her head in observation. "Earlier you called me and Chuck soulmates. What did you mean?" She asked, her voice almost cautious.
Sighing lightly Layne leaned back against the dressing room wall continuing to observe the younger girl. "I meant what I said." She spoke clearly, her words carefully chosen. "I've never seen something so obviously displayed before. It's almost as though the two of you could never be meant for anyone else."
Exhaling Blair looked away. Layne's words were affecting her in ways that she couldn't quite process. This was the first time that someone other than Blair or Chuck had really spoken aloud about the connection that they seemed to share. It gave it more affirmation than anything else ever could and yet it caused all of the old familiar fears to come rushing back to the forefront of her mind.
"What's wrong?" Layne asked curiously. Blair was around five years younger than her, yet sometimes the look in her eyes made it seem as though Blair was actually the older one.
Blair looked at her reflection in the mirror as she spoke, her lips almost trembling. "We're so young." Each word was emphasized as she felt her heart clench painfully. "What if . . .?"
Layne smiled reassuringly. "Things like that don't change. They never go away, never fade." Though as Layne spoke she saw the slight tremble of Blair's chin and recognized the look in her eye. When she spoke again, her voice was surprised. "You're scared aren't you?"
Blair nodded, swallowing tightly. She hadn't been able to voice it so she was glad that Layne had been able to read her.
"You shouldn't be. What you and Chuck have, that's forever" Layne spoke confidently, placing her hands on Blair's shoulders. "Don't let it go." She whispered with a soft squeeze of Blair's shoulders.
Blair could hear the hint of pleading in her voice that alerted her to something she hadn't expected. Turning her head to look away from the mirror and back towards where Layne was standing behind her, Blair spoke. "You sound like you know from experience."
Layne made a split second decision in that moment. Blair needed guidance, she was clearly confused and Layne had the opportunity to help her and even though doing so meant opening up about intensely personal things to a near stranger she felt as though she had to do it. "I do."
"But you and Grayson…" Blair began immediately, completely thrown by this new information.
"Were practically an arranged marriage." Layne completed as Blair turned around completely to face her. Inhaling, Layne readied herself before continuing. "Once, when I was just a little bit younger than you are now, there was a guy who looked at me the way that Chuck looks at you. I lost that and I've missed it every day since."
Blair's lips parted in surprise. Grayson and Layne had always appeared the perfect couple; so in love, so steady, some might even say passionate. How could that be hiding all of this? "Then why?" Blair asked in awe.
Layne smirked sadly. "My parents gave me an ultimatum, my inheritance and Grayson Thorne's hand in marriage or life with a photographer with no real source of income and no inheritance." She could see the lack of understanding in Blair's eyes. The younger girl had been around her long enough to know that Layne wasn't so materialistic and had become confused. Speaking again, Layne clarified. "Don't get me wrong, I love Gray I really do but I've never stopped wondering, what if? That kind of connection's not something you can ever forget."
The two girls were quiet for a moment as Blair took in everything that had been said. When she spoke, her words were carefully selected. "If you could do it over, what would you do?"
Sighing Layne looked away from Blair into the empty space in front of her as though it held the answer to the question she'd been asked; but knowing it didn't she once more looked back. "You know, I ask myself the same question every day." Pausing Layne swallowed, trying her best to give Blair an honest answer. "I took the safe way out in every sense of the word. And I miss that feeling of being alive that I had with him every day."
Blair could hear the implication at the end of Layne's sentence and though the thought of what she knew was coming next made her physically ill, she knew she still had to hear it. "But…you don't regret it do you." She spoke, rather than asked.
Layne shook her head slowly. "No, I don't regret it." Her words were firm yet still calm. "I think no matter how many times I could redo it, I'd always make the safe choice."
Blair exhaled brow furrowed as she began to gather her clothes together. Her brain was working to figure something out what her heart already knew and just before they stepped out of the dressing room she turned her head back to look at Layne. "Grayson wasn't the safe choice because of the money was he." It wasn't a question, she already knew the answer.
Shaking her head, Layne knew that Blair had understood her perfectly throughout the conversation and the look in her eyes made Layne wish she could give her a different answer. "No, he wasn't safe because of the money."
As the girls emerged from the dressing room, Chuck saw a difference in Blair's eyes. There was something new clouding the sparkle that he'd become accustomed to seeing once more. "Is everything okay?" He asked quietly.
Blair nodded, doing her best to comprehend everything she'd learned in the past few minutes. In some ways, Layne's observations validated her feelings yet in others they seemed to confirm her worst fears. "Yeah, I'm just ready to go home."
Chuck nodded understandingly. He could see that something was on her mind but whatever it was they'd figure it out together. "I'll go say goodbye."
Blair nodded before politely making quick gestures of departure before indicating to Chuck that she needed to make a phone call while he wrapped up goodbyes of his own. Stepping away from the group, Blair made a decision. She wasn't a coward, being safe wasn't worth what it would cost her. She was stronger than Layne, she was going to make the right decision.
Swallowing tightly she heard the phone ring, when it clicked that the line had been answered she felt a slight jolt before pushing herself to speak. "Mr. Davidson, this is Blair Waldorf"
"Ms. Waldorf, I hadn't expected to hear from you quite so soon." Mr. Davidson spoke, both surprised and confused. "What you asked for won't be ready for another month, at least."
Inhaling, Blair steadied her voice as she spoke. "Actually I was calling to tell you to put a hold on that."
"Really?" He asked, his raised eyebrows audible in his voice.
Nodding though he couldn't see Blair felt a wash of uncertainty as she spoke but she pushed through it; she wouldn't be weak. "Yes, I'm reconsidering my options. I just wanted to let you know."
Mr. Davidson had heard it all before so he took everything in stride. Years of experience had taught him not to trust rash judgments. "I'll keep you on my calendar for now, be sure to keep me updated."
"That's not necessary, I assure you." Blair spoke ready to hang up the phone.
Shaking his head, Mr. Davidson almost smiled. "Oh Ms. Waldorf, I believe it is."
At his words, Blair once more felt an inkling of doubt; but before she could consider it she felt Chuck's arms wrap around her from behind as he placed a kiss on her neck.
"Ready to head home?" He asked, a soft smile in his voice.
Blair nodded, turning to give him a quick kiss on the lips. "Ready."
Friday
It was Friday evening - a week after arriving in the Hamptons, a day after their morning with the Thorne's. Chuck couldn't help but think that Blair was still a little down after the conversation she'd had with Layne; but she hadn't really wanted to talk about it yet. So he'd wanted to do something for her to reassure her, to let her know that he wasn't going anywhere.
Chuck knew he'd gone above and beyond this time but he'd wanted to, for her. He felt an undeniable need to constantly remind her how much he loved her; after he'd lost her the first time he couldn't help but think he hadn't said it enough. And even though emotionally their relationship felt as strong as it ever had, he had to protect it. He couldn't let her forget even for a moment how much he wanted this.
So just as the stars began to come out, he helped a blindfolded Blair out of the car - he'd wanted everything to be a surprise. Leading her down to the beach he couldn't help but smile as he gave the silk scarf over her eyes a tug, allowing it to fall away.
Blair felt weak in the knees the moment Chuck slipped off the silk scarf he'd tied around her eyes. Today when they came in from a match of tennis at the club and had their showers she'd emerged to find a set of clothes laying on her bed with a note that said to meet him downstairs. Pulling on the outfit she'd known that they must be going outside as it consisted of a pair of tights, riding boots, and a sweater dress - early summer or not, it was still cool out this late at night. She'd been surprised when he'd blindfolded her and began to lead her to the car but now she was floored.
"Do you like it?" Chuck whispered as he held her from behind. He knew he was anxious with anticipation of showing her. It had been a long time since he'd done anything to prove how much she meant to him. In fact, it had been a long time since he'd done any kind of grand gesture at all.
Blair tilted her head to take everything in. "It's incredible." She spoke truthfully as she looked out at the latenight picnic he'd assembled. Blankets covered a portion of the ground with pillows assembled atop them. Candles peppered the sand and a large picnic basket sat there seemingly overflowing with everything imaginable, champagne, fruits, chocolates, cheeses, it looked as though no small detail had been forgotten. "Chuck…" She spoke her voice softer than usually as she saw the littering of peonies around the ground. "You didn't have to do all this."
Leading her over, he helped Blair sit, doing his best to hide the blush on his cheeks that came from the obvious surprise and appreciation on her face. "I wanted to do something special."
Glancing up at him, the lightest gleaming of tears in her eyes. She placed the softest of kisses on his lips before nodding - not questioning him further. Taking a seat she smiled as he instantly produced her very favorites of everything he'd prepared. "Sometimes I think you know me too well."
Chuck smiled and they were fairly quiet as they ate. They didn't need words for this. It wasn't silence, it wasn't guarded, it was simply them being together. After they finished eating Chuck repositioned himself against a couple of pillows and Blair brought her back to rest against his chest. Pulling out a thermos he offered her hot chocolate as he held her against him and they looked out to where the night sky met the ocean.
Blair took a sip of the drink before leaning her head against Chuck's shoulders loving the way his body seemed to form to hers, she sighed contentedly.
Chuck's arms tightened around her as he appreciated this opportunity to simply just be with her. "Tell me about your life." He spoke realizing that as much as this week had been everything to him, he wanted more, he wanted it all.
Closing her eyes Blair seemed to snuggle deeper into his arms. She knew her guard was down and she felt more open that she'd felt in a long time. "There's really not that much to tell. I finished at Duke, I'm going to law school in the fall, for corporate law."
"That always was the plan." Chuck spoke laughing lowly.
Blair smiled as Chuck's laughter vibrated through her. "What about you? What's going on with you?"
Chuck lifted his shoulder, thinking how best to answer her question. "Business has been good, even with the economy things haven't been too slow. The Empire's thriving which spurned an idea for a series of night clubs and luxury resorts with Avalon Cosmetics."
Turning her head slight, Blair lifted an eyebrow, she was familiar enough with Avalon Cosmetics to know their business model - they were all about luxury products that made you feel like a fantasy. "Escapism. That's why you're partnering with them isn't it?"
Chuck smirked, her mind worked as fast or faster than his did. She was consistently two steps ahead of everyone else. "Precisely. They have the namebrand and they are known for their creativity."
"I'm excited for you." Blair spoke sincerely. She could see the spark of happiness in his eyes. This project meant something to him and she could see why. Until now he'd had two major projects that were his and his alone, The Empire and Victrola, this would be the third. Thinking about Victrola she realized that that was likely where the luxury nightclub idea came from to begin with. "How is Victrola?"
Chuck grinned, she always knew his thoughts better than he did. It was incredible. Of course Blair would see the connection to Victrola. When he spoke though his tone was reverent because Victrola meant so much to him, to them both. "Victrola hit a rough patch there for a while." Tilting his head he met her gaze so that she understood exactly what he was saying. "But I'm optimistic."
Blair's smile was tinged with sadness as she met his gaze ever so briefly. She knew from the look in his eyes and the tone of his voice that when he thought of Victrola he thought of her - that the two were inextricably linked.
Resting his forehead against hers Chuck's voice was a low hum. "You don't give up on the things that are important to you - you taught me that. Victrola will always have a second chance with me because it gave me so many second chances of its own."
Blair smiled as she wrapped herself up in his arms. She knew what he was saying. He didn't care that she'd left him, he forgave her for all of it and he always would. In that moment everything was perfection. Over the past few days everything had been slipping into their easy rhythm but this was open and honest and it was clear that to both of them this wasn't just about the here-and-now.
Holding her to him, Chuck felt more of a connection emotionally than he'd felt since before she'd left. It was only with her that he was so completely himself; but to move forward there were things that he knew they had to address. And part of having that knowledge meant that he had to ask the hard questions, the one's who's answers he didn't necessarily want to hear. "Have you been happy?" He asked after a few minutes of silence.
Blair's brows furrowed as she leaned her head back to rest on Chuck's shoulder, leaving her looking up at the stars. It was a difficult question to answer - happiness was difficult to define when for so long afterwards she'd simply shut down emotionally. "Mostly." She spoke finally. Her thoughts strayed to Austin for the first time in several days. It was emotionally unsettling for her, almost as though a bristling had run up her spine alerting her that there was something she wasn't settling within herself.
Turning her head to the side, her lips brushed Chuck's jaw. "I've been doing a lot of work on me and it's been good for me." She could feel Chuck's heart pounding against her own and her next words seemed to be spoken in time with that rhythm. "But I don't think I had remembered just what happiness was until now." It was as she spoke that Blair recognized the truth in her words. That was the unsettling feeling at the mention of Austin and it was the way she'd felt alive the moment her lips had met Chuck's at Lily Pond. She had been happy with Austin but not like this, never like this. "I'm never as happy as I am when I'm with you."
Chuck's heart that had been racing throughout the entirety of Blair's speech was pounding so loudly that the drumming filled his ears. His next words came completely unbidden, nothing more than a soft desperate whisper against her ear. "Don't leave me again."
Blair felt her entire body tense in his arms as she tilted her head to look at him. Studying his face she was surprised by the lines she saw there, the seriousness that covered every inch of his countenance.
Chuck's gaze intensified as it locked with hers. "I won't ask why, I don't have to know. You don't have to tell me where you've been or who you've been with. You just can't leave again."
Blair was frozen in his arms, she knew there must be shock written all over her face but as it slipped away she let only the seriousness of the moment remain behind as she read the millions of words in his gaze.
The seriousness becoming infused with a passion that had been renewed over the past few days Chuck's hold on her tightened. "I can't lose you again Blair, I won't. This time I'll follow you no matter where you go. This time I won't let you go."
For a moment her heart skipped as she let his words wash through her. She could feel the tingles working their way up her spine in a rapid fashion. The moment was electric and all consuming, it held so much. Giving an almost imperceptible nod of her head Blair turned in Chuck's arms tilting her head upwards until her lips met his. "I don't want you to." She whispered against his mouth before they both collapsed back onto the blanketed sand.
Saturday - 2am
She was running. The walls around her were blurring. She didn't know what she was running from or where she'd come from, it was all a blur in her mind. Her hands clutched the hem of a silvery gown not unlike the one she wore to Cotillion and her feet ached as she tripped over her own heels.
Soon she found she was barefoot as she tore down a never ending hallway. She could see that she was passing people, some of which she recognized, some she didn't; yet each looked distinctly familiar. Was that Louis? She asked herself but she kept rushing forwards the impending sense that things were falling apart, consuming her. Walls kept appearing in front of her forcing her to make turns to go back the way she'd come, she was trapped in a darkly gilded prison.
This time as she ran she spotted a bronzed head in front of her; she ran forwards grasping to the one thing she seemed to recognize. "Thank God you're here Nate. Can you help me get out of here, I think I'm trapped. And I can't find Chuck."
Nate tilted his head almost confused. "You chose this Blair, this was your decision."
Blair shook her head, clutching tightly to her dress. "No, no this isn't what I wanted. Please help me."
"I'm sorry, but I can't." Nate spoke before disappearing back into the nameless faces that surrounded her.
"Nate." She called after him but he was gone. How could he just leave her? They'd been friends since she could remember.
The panic that rushed through her pushed Blair to continue onwards, if Nate wouldn't help her someone else would, she just had to find them. It didn't surprise her to see Dan in the distance as she rounded the next corner. She smiled as he opened his arms to her. Dan - always so steady and reliable - Dan would get her out of here, he wouldn't turn her away. Wrapping herself in his embrace Blair almost smiled, everything would be okay.
Taking a step away Dan looked at Blair seriously. "I'm glad I got to say goodbye."
"Goodbye? What do you mean?" Blair asked, the rush of panic flooding her once more. "You can't leave me here. I don't know how to get out."
Dan's lips were a tight line as he took a step backwards. This time Blair rushed forwards anticipating his movement. "No you have to help me, I don't know where I am and I don't know where to find Chuck."
"Chuck isn't here. He was never really here for you. You were never his first priority, not when it mattered. You knew that once. I don't know why you came back to this." Dan spoke with a shake of his head before walking away. "Chuck's gone." His last words were a whisper through the air.
Blair shook her head in frustration. This didn't make any sense, this wasn't possible, Chuck wouldn't leave her here by herself in this hell. Lights behind her began to flash and she remembered that she couldn't stop she had to keep moving forwards. Maybe that's what she was doing, maybe she was looking for Chuck. If so she had to hurry, she could feel herself running out of time as the crowds that surrounded the hallways seemed to be thinning.
The next person she saw happened to approach her instead of the other way around. Blair almost jerked away as Jenny took her arm. But part of her wanted, no needed to know what Jenny would say.
"I'm sorry that I was wrong about you two. I really thought you were stronger together. I didn't realize…" Jenny spoke, her eyes sad.
Blair shook her head frantically. "What do you mean? What didn't you realize Jenny?"
Shaking her head Jenny released Blair and moved away. "I didn't realize what would happen."
As she ran onwards Blair could hear voices piling on one another, people apologizing, people telling her that she was wrong, that she'd done this to herself. When she saw her mother, father, and Cyrus she almost cried in relief. But each of them simply shook their heads.
"Oh Blairbear, I never wanted this for you." Harold spoke.
But Eleanor cut him off. "I'm so disappointed in you. This is not how Waldorf women behave."
Blair grasped for them imploringly, her heart beat resounding in her ears, certain that she'd never been so scared in her life. "Whatever I did I'm sorry…"
This time it was Cyrus leading the others away. "It's not enough Blair."
"NO!" She gasped as the first tears stung her eyes. Now the crowds had thinned until she could recognize every face, she saw the disappointment lining each person's features. She could see Lily and Eric shaking their heads, even Bart was standing there looking immeasurably disappointed. Their voices were growing louder but she refused to hear it as she forced her way past them. "SHUT UP" She shrieked as she ran, aware that wind throughout the hallways was picking up and whipping at her garments ripping her dress and tearing at her hair.
Desperation filled her as she scrambled through the hallway grasping at anything she could to keep upright. Seeing a brown swoop of hair Blair smiled, Austin. He'd save her, he'd protect her. This was clearly all a mistake but he wasn't a part of this world, he would take her away from here. Running to him she clutched his arm but he looked down at her strangely.
"What are you doing Blair?" He asked, not an ounce of the warmth she remembered in his gaze.
Blair shook her head, terrified by whatever she was running from, terrified at the sense of aloneness that was overwhelming her. "You have to help me Austin, I need you. I'm trapped and I don't know what's going on. I'm so alone."
His gaze softened ever so slightly as he brushed a hair back from her face. "But that's not what you wanted. You're the one who chose this path; you have to see it through."
"No." Blair said shaking her head, she knew what was happening, he was leaving her too. "Don't leave me."
Austin smiled sadly, heartbreak in his eyes. "But darling, you're the one who left me. You left me when I needed you the most."
As Austin faded into the darkness Blair ran after him determined that he would see reason, he would help her; but all she found was a darkened staircase. It was a staircase she recognized, the grand stairway from the Palace Hotel, the one she'd run up with Nate at her Cotillion.
Something in her screamed that this was the way to Chuck; Chuck would be waiting for her at the top of the stairs. So she scrambled upwards clutching tightly to the banister. But even as she fought the whipping wind and her own exhaustion another part of her knew this wasn't right, Chuck wouldn't be here, Chuck wouldn't be at the Palace, he'd be at the Empire. So inside she simply prayed for a way out. What she saw at the top of the stairs shocked her enough that she pulled up short. "Layne? What are you doing here."
Layne crossed her arms, gazing at Blair with pity. "You can't act like I didn't warn you."
Blair shook her head, her mind straining to think of what Layne could be talking about through the blur that was this strange reality. Recalling their conversation from the store Blair shook her head. "No, you said not to let it go, you said to hold on."
"You weren't listening." Layne spat her voice angry.
Blair exhaled, her hands resting on her knees for a moment as she tried to catch her breath. "I don't understand, everyone keeps saying that I chose this but I didn't."
Nodding Layne stepped forwards. "You did choose this Blair. I told you it wasn't safe, that it would never be safe."
Echoing through her mind she could hear Chuck's words from so long ago, back when she was only a freshman in college before so much happened. 'We're never going to be safe. The question is are you brave enough or aren't you.' Shaking her head Blair rose to full height looking at Layne. "Where's Chuck?"
"You already know he isn't here." Layne spoke. "There's a reason it isn't safe. It burns and consumes until there's nothing left. I should have known the two of you could never withstand the combustion."
"No." Blair spoke frantically, shaking her head and looking around the small landing eyes landing on a door behind Layne. "No. You're wrong. Chuck wouldn't leave me here."
Blair was ready to make a run for the door when she saw it open, a golden mane of hair emerging. "She's right you know."
"SERENA!" Blair exclaimed ready to rush for her friend. But Serena held up a hand.
Shaking her head sadly, Serena's voice wasn't filled with its usual sunshine. "I wanted to protect you B, that's all I wanted then and it's all I want now."
"I know that." Blair said nodding. "But Chuck's here, I know it."
Swallowing Serena stepped closer to her friend. "Nothing's changed, you're going to lose everything and when you do you'll regret ever having it. You'll never be able to find that kind of happiness again."
"I don't regret it!" Blair exclaimed walking forwards past the blonde and brunette that were blocking the door. With one last look at Serena Blair forced herself to remain strong. "I listened to you the last time and it may have been the right decision then but it's not the right decision now."
Serena grabbed for her arm as Blair began opening the door before her, certain that Chuck would be waiting for her on the other side. "Blair please don't do this, it's not too late. Don't be weak."
But Blair shook her off. "I'm not being weak. I was being weak when I ran." Knowing that it was now or never as the world she had created was crumbling around her and she flung herself through the doorway. But it wasn't the warmth of Chuck's arms she found but a cold seeping darkness that enveloped her as she fell. A scream tore through her lungs as Blair felt like everything that she was, was being ripped away from her and in that moment she knew that everything she'd ever loved had been lost, everything she'd ever worked for was gone.
Before her she saw the fast approaching ground and she tried to brace herself for the impact, ready for the shattering pain she knew she'd feel. As her body slammed into the ground so far below where she fell an overwhelming sensation exploded through her body as though every bone was breaking until she was nothing more than dust.
Gasping Blair jerked up in bed, her entire body shaking in unbridled fear. It took her a moment to adjust to the darkness that surrounded her as her erratic heartbeat was lost in the world she'd just been ripped from. Looking to the side she saw Chuck laying there, a lock of hair falling into his eyes as he slept soundly. It was only a dream. Her heart began to slow at this realization, her breathing evened out.
The nightmares were back, nightmares she hadn't had in so long. She sat there for a moment thinking back to her dream; it had felt so incredibly real she swore she could still feel the wind on her skin, the pain that had destroyed her in the end. Her fingers reached out to touch Chuck's face to reassure herself that he was really there. As she calmed down she knew that she wouldn't be sleeping again tonight so she slipped out of bed careful not to wake Chuck.
Standing she walked over to the doors of the balcony, her hand shook at their eerie resemblance to the doors from her dream. She didn't bother shutting the door behind her as she walked forwards, nothing about her internal processes had returned to normal, she was so very rattled. Reaching the banister she gripped it tightly in her hands hoping that it would steady her but it didn't seem to help.
She tried to assess what she was feeling but she couldn't seem to get a handle on anything. All of the happiness that she'd felt being here over the past week was replaced with emptiness and fear. How could a dream have made her feel like this? But it was a stupid question because she'd experienced this feeling before. The dreams weren't always the same but each one left her alone, abandoned, and broken. And now there was a darkness that seemed to be residing inside her as voices wormed their way into her brain.
Blair stood there wrestling with these thoughts for well over an hour. She watched as the moon rose higher and the sky began to lighten. She watched and she allowed her mind to wander. She allowed herself to think about her dream, about the conversations that had played into her decisions thus far, those imploring her to stay, those telling her to go. She thought about the conversations from two years ago specifically the one with Serena. She let herself think about Austin, and she let herself think about Chuck. She knew she had to sort this out before he woke up - it was time to make a choice, she couldn't delay it any longer. Exhaling, she even allowed herself to think about what Mr. Davidson had said on the phone a few days before.
Her mind tossed each of these ideas around her brain trying to make them fit together or at least to reconcile some of them; but all of that seemed so impossible when they were all telling her different things. Clearly her head and her heart were saying two completely different things and everyone else seemed to have an opinion too. Turning her head she looked at Chuck and then she knew. It didn't matter what everyone else said, it didn't matter what her head was saying, for once she had to listen to her heart.
Smiling slowly she began to walk back towards Chuck, ready to slip back into bed, back into his arms. With each step the nightmare seemed to pulse at the back of her mind, the emptiness threatening to overtake her but as she reached out her hand to pull back the sheet, she knew that once she was in Chuck's arms the emptiness would be gone.
It was then that her iPhone beeped. Confused, Blair turned to the nightstand where her phone set illuminated with a text message. Almost no one had this number, it was her emergency number and she couldn't think of anyone that might be messaging her at this time of night. Reaching for it she lifted the phone to read the text and as she did she couldn't help but let out a little gasp. "Austin."
B, my dad had a heartattack, it's bad – I wouldn't have used this number but you weren't answering your cell. I know it's a lot to ask but can you come to Charleston? He's all I have left after mom. I really need you.
Instantly her mind reversed back to her dream and the words that Austin had spoken there. The thought gave her chills so overwhelming that she had to place her hand on the wall to steady herself.
"You have to help me Austin, I need you. I'm trapped and I don't know what's going on. I'm so alone."
His gaze softened ever so slightly as he brushed a hair back from her face. "But that's not what you wanted. You're the one who chose this path; you have to see it through."
"No." Blair said shaking her head, she knew what was happening, he was leaving her too. "Don't leave me."
Austin smiled sadly, heartbreak in his eyes. "But darling, you're the one who left me. You left me when I needed you the most."
Rereading the text again her stomach turned. Her fingers were white on her cell phone as she did her best to come to terms with what she'd just learned in the face of the decision that she'd just made. She'd been so sure that staying with Chuck was the right thing to do, that leaving would be wrong but what if she only wanted to stay because she wasn't strong enough to walk away. Austin needed her, maybe abandoning him, abandoning everything for Chuck was what would make her lose it all. Walking down the hall to her room, she changed her clothing and dialed a number, making the call that her heart was telling her she had to make.
It was still a few hours before dawn and she was back on Chuck's balcony, when she felt the warmth of Chuck's arms wrap around her from behind. She exhaled as she tried her best to stay calm. This was the most difficult decision she'd ever had to make.
Chuck smiled contentedly as he placed his head on her shoulder. He'd awoken alone in his bedroom but the billowing curtains indicating the open doors of the balcony had led him to her. At first he'd simply stared at her gorgeous silhouette enjoying her beauty but he didn't want to be apart from her. "Hey." He spoke quietly.
"Hi." Blair replied, reluctant to fold herself into him because she knew what she was about to do. But she allowed herself one more minute of peace in his arms.
"You're dressed?" Chuck asked, a hint of laughter in his voice as he placed a kiss on Blair's neck. It was unusual for her to be up quite this early and to be honest he had every intention of removing these clothes quite quickly.
"Yeah." Blair replied softly before leaning back completely into him. "I love you." She spoke, her voice cracking, mirroring her emotions.
I can feel the color running
As it's fading from my face
Chuck heard the sadness in her voice and his grip instinctively tightened around her smile frame. "And I love you."
Swallowing tightly Blair looked out over the pool, holding onto Chuck as tightly as he was holding onto her. "I never want to leave this place."
"Then don't." Chuck responded immediately, his heartbeat beginning to quicken as fear filled him.
Try to speak but nothing's coming
Nothing I could say to make you stay
"Chuck I…" Blair started, her voice barely audible.
Chuck shook his head, clasping her hands in his. "Don't bail on me now."
Blair let out a gasp that was the start of a sob, she wasn't strong enough for this. "I have a life Chuck." She spoke, knowing it was the weakest excuse she could muster but she knew he wouldn't accept the truth.
Grabbed your suitcase called a taxi
It's 3am now where you gonna go?
"Come back home Blair or take me with you." Chuck pleaded. "I'll move wherever you need me to move."
Blair was silent as his words worked their way into her brain and through to her heart which was pounding so loudly she thought it might burst.
"Blair?" Chuck asked, turning her in his arms so that he could meet her gaze. His own heart was beating so loudly he thought it might explode because in that moment he knew that she wasn't going to stay, that there was nothing he could do to make her stay. He felt the color drain from his cheeks as he tried to think of anything he could do to change what was happening.
Gonna stay with friends in London
And that's all I get to know
Shaking her head Blair placed her hand on Chuck's face. "I have to go." She spoke, infusing her voice with as much strength as she could before slipping out of his grasp.
Chuck hadn't been expecting her to move so he let her slip away but as she walked out of the room it only took him a moment to follow her down the hall. By the time he reached her room he could see that she had already prepared her bags and couldn't help but wonder when she'd made this decision.
Just a cigarette gone
No you couldn't be that far
Blair saw Chuck's eyes widen at her bags, she knew he didn't realize that she never actually unpacked in the first place, she could tell by his facial expression. She didn't contradict him.
"You're leaving now?" Chuck asked barely able to form words, this had been the last thing he had expected. Earlier tonight he'd felt more secure than he'd ever had, Blair's actions were like a wrecking ball.
Blair nodded moving around him towards the stairs where Michael was standing to pick up her bags. "I made the call a few hours ago."
I'm driving in my car where I hope you are
Maybe I can talk you down
Maybe I can talk you down
Swallowing tightly Chuck shook his head. "Were you even going to say goodbye this time?"
"Michael's been here for a while, I waited until you woke up." Blair spoke without turning around to face him.
Chuck was still struggling to find the words to articulate what he wanted to say. If any part of him had thought that this was a possibility he would have been prepared, that's what he'd always said after the last time; but he'd never been so certain of anything in his life as he was of them. "Earlier tonight . . .on the beach . . . you promised you wouldn't leave" He finally managed.
Oh, we're standing on a tiny ledge
Before this goes over the edge
Blair turned this time her lips pressed together to stem the oncoming tears. Shutting her eyes she held back what she could before looking up at Chuck and giving her head the slightest of shakes. Silence hung between them and it was deafening, it was suffocating her, she had to get out.
Chuck realized then by the look in her eyes exactly what she wasn't saying or more what she hadn't said. On the beach she'd never indicated that she wouldn't leave again, only nodding at his statements. He watched as she turned beginning to walk out the door and he reached out clasping her wrist. "No!" He said, his voice a strange mixture of pain, longing and anger.
Gonna use my heart and not my head
and try to open up your eyes
This is relationship suicide
Shaking her head, Blair pulled her wrist from Chuck's grasp. "I'm sorry." She spoke her voice drained of any energy but this time she didn't stop as she followed Michael down the front steps and out the door.
Chuck stood there completely frozen as her presence seemed to seep from the room slowly. He couldn't think, he couldn't function. Hours ago they'd been in bed together and he'd been more content than he'd ever been and now she was gone, just like that. His mind was numb much like the rest of his body, it felt almost as though he'd been shot.
On the beach he'd just been so certain. The beach. That conversation on the beach he'd thought that she was promising never to leave but now he wasn't so sure. What he was sure of was what he had promised her. He wasn't letting go this time, he wouldn't lose her again.
'Cause if you go, I go
'Cause if you go, I go
Darting out the door, Chuck raced down the stairs. There wasn't time to waste so he simply grabbed the keys near the door and took off for the town car - he didn't have time to wait for Arthur.
He paid no attention to the thunder sounding outside and the rain that was starting to fall; he was too focused on Blair to do anything but drive. He wasn't sure how long he'd stood there thinking after she left, it had felt like hours but he knew it was probably less than a couple of minutes. He hadn't lost too much time he just had to catch her. More than that he had to know where to go.
Smirking to himself as he turned onto the main road, he realized that he knew where to find Blair. Leaving like she had she'd want the fastest way out of the city and he'd wager that she'd follow that by leaving the country; which meant she'd be heading to the East Hampton airport where she'd take a helicopter to Kennedy and a plane out from there. Now he just had to get there fast enough.
Taking shortcuts through the alleys
While you're racing through my mind
Pressing his foot down on the gas, Chuck was grateful for the lack of traffic, it was making this much easier though the rain was clouding his view. Swerving around the car in front of him, Chuck did his best to focus on the task at hand rather than what had just happened. But his mind kept straying to the fact that she had left; he just couldn't wrap his mind around why.
Everything had been perfect these past few days, more than perfect, it had been everything he had ever hoped for. He knew that she felt the same so he didn't know how she could walk away from what they had and everything they meant to one another. The two years of missing her had made him so aware of what the loss of her did to him that he appreciated her that much more. She was the reason he existed, she made him better, she made him who he was.
Cops can chase but they won't catch me
Not before I get to speak my mind
If there's still time
He still remembered the first few days after she'd left - the days he'd sat around waiting for her call. He hadn't left the apartment, insisting that she'd be coming back and that he had to be there when she did. Nate, Serena, Eric, Lily, and even Dan had tried to coax him out but it hadn't worked. He refused to take the risk that she would come and he would miss her.
He'd fought Serena as she collected Blair's things a few weeks later. She'd been insistent but he was stronger and when he was determined he could be dangerous. They'd been locked in a tug of war both of them holding tightly to Blair's jewelry box when Serena had shouted at him that Blair wasn't coming back. He still remembered the shock that reverberated down his spine. Until that moment he'd been in denial and the denial had kept him from losing his mind.
Just a cigarette gone
No you couldn't be that far
It was after that that he threw himself into anything and everything because he couldn't risk sitting still long enough to think about the possibility that she wouldn't return. Though the ring she'd left behind was always with him. He wouldn't go anywhere without it because he knew she'd need it when she returned. She was going to return; he'd never once doubted that. And in her absence he strove to be better for her - to prove himself. He secured the status of the Empire before expanding into other ventures, each time focusing on how that made him better.
He'd had his PI's on it after a few months deciding that he would simply have to bring her home, they were a family. When he'd found her in North Carolina she'd been so happy that he'd left her; yet even then he knew she'd come home one day soon. She couldn't stay away for forever, he knew the pull of their magnetism, it was unavoidable. Yet something about today told him that this might be his last chance, that if he lost her now she wouldn't be back.
I'm driving in my car where I hope you are
Maybe I can talk you down
Maybe I can talk you down
He tried to force himself to think of how to get her to stay rather than the fact that she was leaving him again but found it was impossible as all he could feel was the impending fear associated with losing her for good. It had nearly destroyed him the first time, he'd only made it through because a part of him had known that it wasn't over - this time he wasn't sure he could hold on. He had to stop her.
He slammed his fist down in frustration as he got stuck at a stop light. No, this was taking too long between the weather and the stoplights on every street; he couldn't be delayed or he might miss her. Pushing his foot all the way down on the gas he tore through the red light and stopped paying attention to traffic laws entirely, he wouldn't lose her again. He was going to stop her from leaving, weather and stoplights be damned.
Oh, we're standing on a tiny ledge
Before this goes over the edge
As he cut through the streets of East Hampton he tried again to think of how to convince her that she belonged with him but he continued to come up blank. It all seemed to be common sense to him. They weren't the same without each other, they were two halves of a whole. He didn't know how she could even conceive of being apart. But no matter how hard he tried; all he could see were flashes of their past week together.
Seeing her from the balcony. Finding her at Lily Pond. Her cooking breakfast. Their attempts at doing things in public: the beach to the hot tub, under the table at the restaurant, the bathroom at Lily Pond. All the takeout food. The smirk she shot him over her shoulder as she was coated in flour. The gleam in her eyes as she knocked him into the pool. The pillow fight in the valentine's room. Her seductiveness as she promised pertinence. Brunch and shopping with the Thorne's and her look that said that Blair Waldorf was back. All culminating at the beach.
Gonna use my heart and not my head
and try to open up your eyes
This is relationship suicide
Thunder continued to crash outside the car as rain pelted his windshield but he drove on, his mind still spinning as he thought about Blair. It was at the first strike of lightening that it hit him. The reason this week was flooding his mind when what he needed was to find the words to stop her from going was because they were the key. Whatever was holding Blair back, it wasn't them, it had never been a problem with them. When they were together everything was right with the world, everything was perfect. It was other people who seemed to affect them.
Blair might not have promised to stay at the beach but he remembered what she did say. She'd told him that she was only truly happy with him and that she didn't want him to let her go; which was good because he wasn't giving up not now, not ever. To make Blair stay he just had to remind her that he was the one that made her happy, that with them together everything else could be made simple.
'Cause if you go, I go
'Cause if you go, I go
He knew he was almost there but he had the distinct feeling that he was running out of time. His heart pounding as he gripped the wheel so tightly his knuckles turned white, Chuck turned off the main road and onto airport drive. As excited as he was to be reaching his destination, his heart clinched painfully at the thought that he might be too late.
What if he'd stood there longer than he had thought after she walked out? What if he'd mistimed everything and she was already gone? The weather hadn't been this bad twenty minutes ago so she wouldn't have had to deal with it getting to the airport like he had. And he'd assumed she'd chartered a helicopter to take her to Kennedy which would probably be delayed in weather like this; something he'd counted on to buy him a bit more time. If she'd chartered a plane they might have already left.
Just a cigarette gone
No you couldn't be that far
He was lucky he had such high clearance at this airport that they let him drive straight onto the tarmac with just the flash of an ID because otherwise he would have gotten held up at the gate. Driving in, his pulse pounding rapidly Chuck tried and failed to steady his nerves and slow his level of adrenaline. His eyes immediately began searching for her through the downpour of rain.
Driving into the private transportation area he promised himself that even if she wasn't there he wasn't going to stop. He'd charter a jet of his own or use one of the Bass jets to go after her, no matter where she went. He'd made the mistake of letting her stay gone the first time, he wasn't going to do it again.
I'm driving in my car where I hope you are
Maybe I can talk you down
Maybe I can talk you down
Steadying himself he began looking for the town car she'd chartered for the week amongst the helicopter area, frowning he realized that she wasn't there. Damn it that wasn't a good sign, he thought as he continued down the narrow road around the helicopters towards the chartered plans.
Turning the corner a jolt of happiness ran straight to his chest as he spotted her car near a private plane. He wasn't too late, he hadn't missed her. He knew he was cutting it close though, it looked as if the pilot was readying the plane.
Oh, we're standing on a tiny ledge
Before this goes over the edge
He was almost to her car when he saw her doorway open. An umbrella extended she stepped from the town car and started making her way towards the private jet.
Chuck's stomach almost collapsed as he watched her. She was still too far away to call out to but he knew it was her just as he always knew. There was something in her movements that called out to him. Stepping on the peddle he once more disregarded the particularly airport regulations as he went tearing through airplane docking stations towards Blair sending water shooting up on either side of the car.
Gonna use my heart and not my head
and try to open up your eyes
This is relationship suicide
Breaking hard, he jerked the car to the side as he neared Blair's own car, throwing open the door and jumping out without paying any head to the rain beating down around him. He watched as her head snapped towards the car, her eyes widening as they spotted him.
Chuck shook his head as he walked forwards. "Don't act surprised, I told you I wasn't letting you go again." His whole body seemed to be rushing with adrenaline but at the same time he was calm because he'd made it; now he just had to remind her who they were together, who she was.
'Cause if you go, I go
Blair was frozen in shock as she saw Chuck emerge from the town car that had almost splashed her with water. She hadn't thought that he would follow her but now he was stalking towards her on a mission. "Chuck, I told you . . ." She asked as he came close enough that she could almost touch him if she reached out her hand.
"No." Chuck said as he shook his head. "I won't - I don't accept this."
"You don't have a choice." Blair said a hint of exasperation in her voice. She didn't know how strong she could be with him still standing here before her, their conversation at the house had taken everything she had. And as confused as she'd been before at least her heart had made sense, now her heart was louder than everything else, telling her that she had to go to Charleston, to Austin.
Chuck took a step forward bringing himself under her umbrella, so close he could feel her breathing. "Don't do this Blair, not again. I get it - the first time it was too soon, but now after everything we've experienced together this week?"
Blair swallowed tightly aware that having him in her space like this was only making everything more difficult. She could smell his cologne as it seemed to invade her senses. "This wasn't real Chuck, it was an isolated little bubble. I have a life somewhere else in the real world." She spoke carefully.
Chuck reached out and placed his hands on her upper arms making sure she didn't turn away. "God damn it Blair it was real. It was so real that it proved itself over everything else. And whatever life you have away from me can't outweigh what we have. It's not more than the look you gave me on the beach after I asked you never to leave again. It's not more than the electricity we both feel every time we touch. And it certainly isn't bigger than the love that's between us. Nothing is."
"Chuck…" Blair started, feeling herself begin to crack.
Chuck brought his head closer until his forehead was almost resting on hers. "All I want, all I need, is you." He knew she understood the significance of the words as only she could. "That hasn't changed."
Fighting the pull inside of her that was begging her to fall into him Blair forced herself to remain strong remembering the feeling she'd felt consuming her when she'd awoken a few hours ago. She couldn't risk feeling like that, it would destroy her. And clearly staying with Chuck was wrong, all she needed were Austin's words in the dream and his text to tell her that. It wouldn't just destroy her, it would destroy them all. "I left for a reason Chuck." She spoke carefully trying to tug backwards.
"A reason you won't explain." Chuck spat, his voice rueful as he held her tight to him.
A gasp slipped from Blair's lips as she turned her head, breaking eye contact. "I can't."
Chuck moved his head finding her eyes once more as he spoke. "You don't want to go Blair, I know you don't."
Blair fought to keep from meeting his eyes as she bit her bottom lip. "I have to, there's someone else." She said unwillingly, throwing everything out there that she could to push them apart.
Chuck scoffed. "There will never be anyone else."
"Why can't you just let me go?" Blair asked, her head snapping back towards Chuck and flinging her arms to shake his hold on her even though it cost her the cover of the umbrella.
This time Chuck shook his head, he'd seen her getting close to cracking earlier and that she was so defensive now was proof that she didn't want to leave, he just had to make her realize that she was making a mistake. "Don't act like this week has been one sided."
Blair turned her head looking away from him, towards the plane where the pilot was motioning for her. "I have to go."
Chuck took a step forward until his body was nearly flush with hers; his hands reached up and grasped her face as the rain drenched them to the bone. "What was this Blair? What was this week for you?"
Once more a gasp was drawn from her lips at Chuck's proximity and intensity. Her whole body was humming as she observed the rain beading in his hair, the drops caught on his eyelashes and the ones mingling with what she thought might be tears on his cheeks. "Heaven."
"Then stay with me." Chuck spoke his voice pleading with her.
Blair's head tilted slightly, she could feel the trembling in his hands as they grasped her face that mirrored the shaking in her knees. "I can't. We can't be together Chuck. I've moved on." Her voice was stronger than she expected and it instilled her with the ability to go on. "It's time you do the same. As much as I . . .enjoyed this week. It shouldn't have happened." With that she took a step backwards, then another, it was as she was beginning to turn away that Chuck spoke again.
Chuck's eyes narrowed at her words, a fury filled him at her denial and he could no longer fight the angry desperation that was threatening to take over. "Why'd you leave Blair?" He asked, voice strengthened by his indignation.
"It was a long time ago Chuck, it doesn't matter anymore." Blair spoke with a shake of her head. She didn't want to get into this now.
"It does to me." Chuck responded immediately with another step forward, not far behind her though with her back to him he could only see her profile. He reached out and caught her arm, turning her to face him once more. "If it's why you're leaving it matters."
Blair straightened her spine realizing that she wouldn't be able to leave using the truth. It was clear that Chuck would do whatever it took to keep her here, her reasons wouldn't be good enough. To make it out now without losing it all she would have to lie. "After everything that happened before, everything you did, I just couldn't forget."
Chuck looked into Blair's eyes, searching for the lie. Holding her gaze he asked the question that had been haunting him since the day that Nate mentioned the possibility. "Tell me it wasn't for revenge, tell me you didn't do it for revenge."
Blair couldn't move, she could barely breathe. Chuck's intensity in that moment was so damning that she couldn't do anything but stare into his gaze. Every piece of her was screaming at her to deny the truth of the statement he'd just uttered because it couldn't be further from how she'd really felt. She could see though that this was his one great fear, his biggest insecurity and that's why he would believe her when she lied and said it was the truth. This was the key to getting him to let her go because if she let him think this it would destroy him and with it the love he had for her.
Swallowing tightly, Blair clenched her eyes shut before pulling her arm away. She nodded her head almost disjointedly as she took a step backwards. "I am sorry Chuck." She spoke before turning and walking away.
Chuck's heart felt as though it were being ripped from his chest as he heard Blair's words. He barely saw more than a shadow of her as she walked away from him and climbed into the plane. His vision was so blurred that everything was black, white, and shades of grey. Something had been irrevocably changed in him in that moment, his fundamental system of beliefs had just been destroyed because the only thing he'd ever truly believed in, the only thing that had ever been real, was the two of them.
Blair was able to hold the tears until the door of the plane was closed and she looked out the window to see Chuck standing there looking like a shell of himself. Her hand immediately went to the pane, her fingers pressing against the glass as her heart literally began to break in two.
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Dan swallowed tightly as he stared at Blair. "Was it?" He asked, his voice barely a rasp as he tried to gain his bearings.
Blair furrowed her brows slightly as she looked at Dan, not entirely removed from the memories she'd just relayed to him. "Was it what?"
"For revenge?" Dan asked feeling emotionally raw after everything he'd heard.
Blair pressed her lips together as tears stung her eyes. When she spoke her voice was tainted by the stinging in her throat. "No Humphrey, it had nothing to do with revenge."
At that Dan ran a hand through his hair, shaking his head back and forth. He didn't have words for any of it. It was all so charged with emotion.
After several minutes of silence, Blair stood. "I'm exhausted, I should head home and get some sleep."
Dan nodded. "And I need to go check on Steph and Rosaliegh." Dan watched as Blair picked up her purse and wrapped her jacket tighter around her shoulder and his next words seemed to slip from his lips. "What we talked about earlier? About the book."
Blair nodded remembering their conversation of a few hours before.
"Are you sure?" Dan asked, his voice cautious.
Blair gave Dan a rueful smile. "I can't keep lying, look where it's gotten me."
Dan narrowed his eyes perceptively. "But lying isn't the same thing as telling everyone."
At that Blair actually smiled. "You're the one who said that only the people who really matter to me will even know who it's about and it's time all of them knew the truth, Chuck included."
"Okay then." Dan spoke, his voice controlled.
Blair was about to turn and leave when she hesitated. Ever since the mention of Dan's book, something had been tugging at the back of her brain, worming its way through to her subconscious and now it seemed to be pounding against her frontal lobe demanding that she ask Dan. "How did you know. . .about the proposal I mean?"
Dan tilted his head, observing Blair strangely. Sometimes she baffled him. "I told you Serena let it slip that you were engaged."
Blair shook her head slowly. "That's not the proposal I was referring to."
Dan's eyes widened in surprise but she kept speaking.
"In the book, Bianca was engaged to Clark when she left." She spoke, her voice careful. "I never told anyone, not even Serena knew, so how did you?"
Dan swallowed completely blown away by Blair's admission. "I didn't, until now."
Blair nodded realizing that she had just revealed another piece of the puzzle of who she was to Dan; but this was different than everything else, she trusted Dan to understand what was open for the book and what wasn't - he knew the difference. She could see the questions now in his eyes but she shook her head. "It's a story for another day."
Dan nodded but he didn't know that he believed that that would be a story she would ever tell him. After what he'd just learned about her time with Chuck in the Hamptons it was clear that there were many things exchanged between the two that no one understood but themselves.
As Blair left the hospital she couldn't help the sadness that seemed to be wrapping itself around her again because as cathartic as it had been to tell Dan what she had, she knew that it wasn't everything, it wasn't even close and those secrets were her burden to bear alone.
Please know that this whole thing has been plotted out for forever and the whole GG100 thing had no bearing on it whatsoever though my Blair is clearly similarly stupid to TV Blair who's obviously too scared to let herself be happy. Though as I've told some of you, TV Blair pissed me off so much that she got a bit of a reprieve in that text from Austin for the fanfic. Still feel free to be angry with her for leaving poor Chuckles like she did.
We will be back to the present in the next chapter [for the most part :)] but I hope you've enjoyed Blair's take on what happened in the Hamptons.
The song is Talk You Down by the Script.
Reviews are always appreciated.
xoxo
kate