*Sneaks in with tail between legs* Peeks up to see if anyone is still reading this story…Yeah that's how I feel right now.

So I know I haven't updated in ages. I was trying to get a few chapters written so I didn't go for forever without updating again and well that took forever. I graduated college, moved to NYC, and work horrible hours and let myself forget I love to write. So if there is anyone still out there reading thanks for sticking with me and I hope you enjoy this chapter. It might be a little rougher than usual as I no longer have a beta.

To all of you who have reviewed in the time I've been away: Saracheah, Kwrite1027, Sharry, CHAIRR10, Grish, laurik-xoxo, CarolinaGirl313, Leia, FangirlBitch, eckomoon, Sw33tHeart21, LitPrincess2787, SouthernBelle88, annablake, Caro20, TheKillerDunja123, LeftWriter224, k. 7, Emalia, Elle, GGfanficfan09, Dr. Holland, CarolinaGirl21, Kauyeung24, Krazy4Spike, Kathrynm37, and LovelyLydia you're all wonderful and I really am sorry it's taken this long.

Disclaimer: I own nothing.

If anyone's interested in being a beta for this story, let me know! You get to read chapter's first ANNNND I could update quicker with editing help JJJ

Chapter 10 – Thinnest of Threads

"I don't know S, you didn't see him." Blair spoke as she leaned her head back against the cab's headrest. "He actually hates me."

Shaking her head Serena smiled, running the hand that wasn't holding her cell through her hair. "Which is better than what you had a few weeks ago. I know you realized the same thing today when you stopped screaming at the apartment."

Sighing Blair nodded to herself. "I did. I realized that at very least he felt something which was a hell of a lot more than he'd admitted thus far. And I saw more than that. At the moment that he was threatening me, the one where I could see the hatred in his eyes I could also see a flash of fear. There's a part of him that is scared he'll give in or maybe he's just scared that he might want to."

Serena actually laughed at that - it was an interesting development. She wasn't sure what had changed that she was now Team Blair, maybe it was finally seeing her friend fight for what she wanted, maybe it was the guilt from before, either way she knew she couldn't let Blair give up now, not when the battle had just started. "See, you can't give up now! You're finally starting to make progress."

Blair swallowed tightly before exhaling. "It's not progress Serena. I don't like that Chuck's in pain, and I hate that that pain is because of me."

"Not to exhaust a tired subject but I think he's in less pain now than he was when you left him four years ago." Serena spoke, her voice controlled.

Blair felt her heartbeat quicken as she debated what she wanted to or didn't want to say. But if today was a day for honesty she might as well go with it. "Two years ago." She corrected. "Chuck thought I was coming back for the first two years, he tracked me down, he knew where I was, he even knew about Austin. It was two years ago that I destroyed him."

"What are you talking about?" Serena asked cautiously even as the pieces began to fit together in her mind. Blair's freak out the summer two years ago where she canceled all their summer plans and ditched Dan's wedding. Chuck's self imposed exile the same summer followed by the purchase of the New Yorker. That was the same summer he met Gwen.

"Chuck and I ran into each other in the Hampton's, we had one perfect week and then I left him again. I didn't really know how much I'd hurt him until tonight until I saw the pain in his eyes that the memories alone could bring him." Blair spoke her voice unsteady as she remembered. "I ruined him."

Serena didn't know what to say - a lot about what Blair was saying made sense but she couldn't help but be shocked that she hadn't known, hadn't heard even a hint of it from either of them.

Laughing darkly Blair shook her head. "You know in some sick way I thought I was protecting us. I thought that we would be together and it would be brilliantly happy and then we'd destroy each other. I was trying to prevent the very thing I caused."

Serena's brow furrowed as she sat back on the bed, still in shock. "I had no idea."

"I assure you that was intentional." Blair spoke gazing out the window at her city, drinking it in like she might one day be forced to leave it again. "I think a part of me was testing him."

"It's so strange voicing this aloud when I've never even really allowed myself to think it." She added with a self depreciating laugh. "I think I wanted to know that he wouldn't let go no matter what I did. But I broke him too thoroughly - he didn't come after me."

"Does Chuck know this?" Serena asked still clutching tightly to the phone that if he did he might at least hurt less. "He probably still thinks that whatever you said to push him away is true."

Blair paused for a moment - the fact that she'd decided to go with a policy of openness from here on out didn't mean she had to reveal everything in one breath and this was not the time nor the place to have this conversation. "I don't think it would matter if he did know; not to mention if he believes what I said then, saying that it wasn't the truth won't change anything at all."

Serena blinked her eyes a couple of times trying to keep up with Blair's words before finally just giving up with a sigh.

Blair had to hold back a quiet laugh at Serena's reaction or lack there of. Sure her friend was more perceptive now - that wasn't exactly a difficult feat - but there was still a limit to her bounds. "It's not important at least not right now. And I'm not going to back off completely but I'm going to let him breathe. Yes his guard is down and there are about 10 different strategies I could take that I know would get me closer to him-"

"So why don't you use one?" Serena interrupted. "That's all you need to do right - get close enough to him that he lets you back in because we both know once he does that the rest will follow."

Blair shook her head though she knew Serena couldn't see her. "I can't. Because every single one of those strategies would hurt him in some fashion - it would cost him something or possibly cause him to resent me. In order to finish this for good I can't hurt him anymore - even if it might advance my own goals."

Serena furrowed her brow. "Then what exactly are you planning to do?"

"For now...nothing." Blair spoke confidently. At the start of the conversation she'd been unsure but over the course of the call her resolve had strengthened. She could still work towards being with Chuck but how she went about it had to change. "He's put up these glass walls to keep me out. I've already thrown a few boulders at the glass, I have to let them crack and then give the cracks time to spread before I try smashing the wall in." Smiling slightly to herself Blair nodded. "Of course I'll give the cracks the encouragement they need to help them along but with taps this time instead of a full on assault."

Serena stayed quiet for a moment as she digested the information surprised that she'd actually understood what Blair was saying. "He's consciously aware of the fact that he still feels something for you and for now that's enough."

Blair nodded. "So I'm keeping my distance."

"So I'm assuming you haven't been with Chuck discussing all this have you?" Serena asked realizing that she had no clue where her best friend had run off to last night.

"No." Blair scoffed quickly.

Serena's mouth quirked slightly. "Then where have you been for the last like 7 hours?"

Blair smirked, in truth she hadn't realized that she'd been out all night. "I was visiting with Dan at the hospital, he couldn't sleep anyway."

Serena felt a pang at Blair's confession – she knew that Blair and Dan were still good friends but it stung that Blair was confiding in him rather than her. "How are Steph and Rosaleigh doing?" She asked pushing the thought from her mind.

Rather than answer Serena's obviously targeted question Blair sighed. She didn't want to tell Serena about the book just yet and honestly she didn't know how to be honest about why she'd been with Dan. Serena had given her an out but she knew she needed to address this now. "You're still my best friend Serena but you're two entwined with me and Chuck – Dan's a little further on the outside. Confiding in him isn't putting him in the middle – when I confide in you, that's exactly what happens. And he's not afraid to hurt my feelings with his judgments; sometimes I need his brand of honesty."

Exhaling Serena nodded it made sense. Blair was still confiding in her she just wasn't getting the full battery of Blair's emotions and thoughts. That was something she could deal with. "When are you coming home?"

"I'm on the way home from the hospital now." Blair said relieved that Serena did actually seem to understand.

Smiling Serena leaned back on the bed. "Just a warning Nate's here. He came over last night after you left."

Blair rolled her eyes. "I would be surprised if he wasn't there. Why doesn't he move in already?"

Serena laughed; it really was good to have her best friend back. "He was actually hinting that we should get our own place."

Blair grinned. "You know what that means right?"

"Noooo…" Serena said, dragging out the word as she tried to guess Blair's meaning. Nate didn't like sleeping at Blair's all the time and she didn't like going to the New Yorker pretty much ever – that was all it meant.

"He's about to propose." Blair spoke without hesitation or doubt.

Serena actually laughed aloud at that. "No he isn't." As she spoke she looked up to see Nate walk through the door of her room carrying a tray of food and grinning sheepishly. Smiling she spoke quickly into the phone. "I need to go B, see you in a bit."

Serena could hear Blair laughing as she hung up the phone and directed her attention towards Nate. Sitting up she beamed at him. "What's all this?"

Nate sat the breakfast tray down in front of her an almost bashful grin still on his face. "Beware, I made the food myself."

But as Nate sat down the tray Serena's eyes widened – not because of the food but because of the box that sat in front of all of it, already opened and the huge diamond ring it contained. "Nate." She gasped turning her head to meet his gaze only to realize that he was now kneeling beside the bed.

Taking Serena's hands in his Nate smiled. He'd been anxiously waiting for the right time for weeks - ever since he'd picked up the ring from his mother. He was so nervous about the moment but now that he was here living it, he found that he wasn't actually nervous at all – just excited. "Serena I've loved you for as long as I can remember – whether it was as a friend or as more. You're the first person I want to tell when something happens and you're the last person I want to see before I close my eyes every night. You've seen me at my best and you've loved me at my worst. I want to spend the rest of my life with you."

"YES!" Serena squealed scooting out from under the tray and falling into Nate's arms. Laughing as she kissed him.

Nate laughed as he held her to him. "I haven't asked you a question yet."

Realizing what she'd done Serena sat up, still on the floor on his lap but straightened from their previous position. "Oh, yes. I'm ready. Ask now."

Smiling brightly Nate looked into her beautiful eyes and felt his heart melt. "Serena van der Woodsen , will you marry me?"

"Yes." She spoke, this time her voice more subdued as she leaned forwards her hands going into his hair as she pulled him deeply into a kiss.

Leaning back, Nate allowed Serena's kiss to bring him to the floor as he pulled her more tightly against him. They fell back onto the ground in a heap of tangled limbs and searching hands completely lost in each other.

"Serena, I was thinking..." Blair spoke matter-of-factly as she walked thorough Serena's open door. "Oh..." She exclaimed in surprise at the mass of blonde perfection tangled up on her floor. She was turning to leave when she noticed a variance in movement.

Breaking apart both blondes gasped for air as they turned towards Blair. "No wait don't leave." Serena shouted.

Blair turned her head with a raised eyebrow...it was a little early in the morning for a threesome, not that Serena would ever suggest that, well not soberly anyway.

When she was sure she had Blair's attention Serena beamed. "We're engaged."

"That was fast!" Blair exclaimed with a bright smile immediately on her face. She noticed then the tray on the bed with the Vanderbilt diamond on top. There had been a time she would have done anything to have that ring herself and yet that now felt like another lifetime. Not to mention she couldn't imagine either of them ever truly being happy with anyone else. "I couldn't be happier for you guys, really." She spoke her voice sincere.

Nate nodded his thanks and started to get up but Blair shook her head. "No, no, no...You just got engaged and I haven't slept." Backing out of the room she smiled slyly. "As you were."

"How about this one?" Blair asked as she stepped from the dressing room at Bloomingdale's. She twirled slightly allowing the short skirt of the cocktail dress to spin.

Serena scrunched up her nose. "I don't know B – is it really your style?"

Shrugging Blair turned and twisted before the mirrors. "I guess not but it's quite eye catching isn't it. I've got two more in back give me one second."

Crossing her arms Gwen stepped forward. "No wait." Disappearing for only a few seconds she came back with a long necklace and looped it over Blair's neck a few times. Straightening the necklace she smiled as she stepped back. "There we go."

Blair turned to the mirror and smiled. "Perfection."

Serena nodded as she cautiously observed Blair and Gwen's interactions. When Blair had asked her if she wanted to go shopping for dresses for the engagement party Nate's mother was planning she'd readily agreed – she had been unaware that Gwen was meeting them until they got to Bloomingdales. She'd been wary the moment she'd seen Gwen but now she was confused because they seemed to be getting along quite well. They looked to be regarding each other as equals something neither of them did with many people. "Yes very Blair Waldorf." She finally spoke.

Both girls beamed. "Then I guess we all have our dresses." Blair spoke as she re-entered the dressing room still speaking loudly enough that Gwen and Serena could hear her. "Are we done with Bloomingdale's then? I could use some new shoes. We could walk over to Barneys and do lunch at Fred's before continuing our shopping."

"Yes to all of the above." Gwen replied as she leaned against one of the mirrors in the dressing area, before adding. "I love Fred's."

Today had definitely been a surprise for Gwen. Every time they ran into each other she and Blair had said they were going to hang out – go shopping or get coffee – but this was the first time they'd followed through. She'd been so sure that this was going to be at least a little bit awkward but thus far it couldn't have felt more natural. If anything Serena had been the odd one out.

Serena continued listening to them, they were practically bantering back and forth – it was just weird. And she had a suspicion that Blair was planning something, she had to be. Blair didn't play nice with the competition unless it was to achieve a purpose of her own. So at least for today she wasn't leaving her alone with Gwen. "Yeah I'm free until around 3pm then it's off to Anne's for some planning."

Blair joined Gwen in laughter as she emerged from the dressing room. Anne and Blair had gotten along well throughout the years but it was a secret to no one except maybe Nate that Anne disapproved of Serena. Sticking out her bottom lip Blair imitated Serena's expression.

"Oh shut up." She said playfully hitting her best friend before heading towards the register.

"But I didn't say anything." Blair exclaimed wide eyed and innocent as she and Gwen followed the fuming blonde.

Gwen joined Blair once more in laughter as Serena huffed. Linking her arm with the brunette's Gwen's laughter died resting on a smile. After a few moments she slightly squeezed Blair's arm to get her attention. When Blair tilted her head curiously Gwen spoke. "This is good."

Blair couldn't resist the slightest lift in her eyebrows, that wasn't what she had expected. But she understood what Gwen meant. This hadn't been a disaster, it hadn't been uncomfortable – it might not have been Blair's favorite day of her life but it was far from the worst. She was finding more and more that she did genuinely like Gwen. "I agree." She said with a small smile.

"It's important to me to know you." Gwen continued, even as Blair continued staring at her openly if not revealingly. "You are important to Chuck - more than he's willing to admit to me because he knows I have a jealous streak. Which means you're important to me."

Blair was caught off guard but she didn't show it. Though she did have a feeling that Chuck's feelings concerning her were basically the opposite of what Gwen assumed. He didn't want to expose how he felt about Blair because doing so would require him telling Gwen things he didn't want to tell her. But Blair simply nodded once more in agreement. "It's good for us and for Chuck."

Smiling Gwen shot her a conspiring glance. "So thank God it turns out I like you. It was quite the relief."

Blair felt genuine laughter bubble from her because she knew the feeling. "I feel the same way." And it was true part of her was glad that Gwen was the kind of girl Blair could like - the type she'd pick out for Chuck herself because if she couldn't have him this is what she'd want for him. However, the other part, the part that told her she wasn't backing down until she did have him - wished her adversary were a little less worthy, wished she liked her quite a bit less.

Catching up with Serena , Blair returned the blonde's almost accusing glare, she knew what Serena was thinking – it wasn't her fault that she just didn't get it. Serena automatically had assumed that she was only trying to get close to Gwen to find out how to get her out of the picture. It was a little disconcerting that her best friend still thought she was that petty especially after their conversation the week prior but she couldn't really be annoyed about it - she'd done it before.

But this was different. Yes, every bit of information she learned about Gwen could be helpful but she wasn't trying to destroy her. She wanted Chuck to be the one to realize that he wanted to be with her, she didn't want him to pick her after she'd gotten Gwen out of the picture only because she was what he had left. And if along the way she came to the conclusion that what Gwen had with Chuck was more she'd bow out. Blair was the last to check out, joining Gwen and Serena she grinned. "Onward to Fred's."

Nodding the girls headed for the exit of Bloomingdale's to begin their walk towards Fifth Avenue. It was right as they were exiting the store that she saw them, they were so obvious - barely even trying to look inconspicuous. Not that it really surprised her - Nate didn't do incognito well and Chuck was probably a little too nervous to stage a proper run-in.

Glancing at her company she was surprised that neither blonde had noticed them yet but Gwen was on a call with the office and Serena probably wasn't expecting the boys to crash their get together; whereas Blair had known they'd show up the moment she'd gotten the blast from Gossip Girl. It had been simple and subtle - just a photo of the girls together captioned Frenemies? Followed by a short post.

Spotted B, S and G shopping at Bloomingdale's. I think we all knew that it was only a matter of time before B made her move on G, but even I wasn't expecting this. Because rather than a good old fashioned Blair Waldorf takedown this looks more like the precursor to one of her infamous soirees. Could they be - dare I say it - friends?

Looking back towards the boys she placed a smile on her face and led the blondes forward. "Fancy seeing the two of you here. You're not stalking us are you."

Both Serena and Gwen smiled broadly as they greeted their significant others, the later still on the phone. But even in the midst of quick hugs Blair noticed the way Nate blushed guiltily and the tightness in the skin around Chuck's eyes - oh he was definitely worried; though he clearly refused to show it.

"No, Nate here had to return a tie." Chuck said with a shrug and a slight jab at Nate.

Nate nodded, laughing uncomfortably. "Yeah didn't go with my tux for the engagement party."

Blair tilted her head slightly as she observed them, calling them out didn't serve any purpose for her so she just nodded. "A tux I'm assuming your mom picked out."

"You know me well." Nate said with a grin, glad that Blair had bought the story. He wasn't so great at this whole sneaking around thing but Chuck had said he wanted to check in on the girls when he saw the blast and Nate couldn't deny his help - after all the situation was suspicious.

Chuck swallowed, forcing back his surprise. He knew that Blair saw right through them but she didn't seem inclined to say anything. This situation wasn't quite as he'd expected but he needed to know what Blair's game was before she did something stupid - like exposing things to Gwen - assuming she hadn't done so already. "So what are you ladies up to? By the shopping bags I assume you've done some damage."

Serena was looking between the different parties. Something was off but she couldn't quite put her finger on it. There was definitely a tension in the air, particularly between Chuck and Blair. Looking over at Gwen, who'd just gotten off the phone, she was surprised to see her completely at ease, arm locked with Chuck's.

Gwen smiled as she spoke leaning into Chuck. She could sense that there was more going on to this little run in and had a pretty good feeling she knew what it was. Chuck must be nervous about her potentially starting a friendship with Blair - that was interesting and definitely something she needed to look into. But she already knew he hadn't told her the full extent of his past with Blair. If she were any less secure in their relationship that would bother her. "We were actually picking up our dresses for the engagement party but we're heading to lunch now if you'd like to join us."

Chuck smiled softly at Gwen feeling himself relax ever so slightly just being in her presence. "I wish we could but I have a meeting to get to."

Blair felt the slightest of pangs at the look that Chuck and Gwen exchanged. She remembered a time when that was how he looked at her. Pushing that emotion away she frowned slightly. "What a shame, lunch would have been fun. Maybe next time?"

"Sure." Chuck replied, knowing he was backed into a corner of sorts. He couldn't openly say no but saying yes now in front of everyone was as good as a signed agreement.

Leaning her head onto Chuck's shoulder Gwen spoke. "Good...Oh" She added, head popping back up she swatted Chuck gently. "I can't believe you didn't tell me."

Chuck felt his body tense up as his eyes darted quickly to Blair's. What had she done? What had she hinted at to Gwen? He knew this was going to happen - that's why he'd come to intervene but he must already be too late. He could only hope that it was something small, something akin to a warning from Blair. Meeting Gwen's gaze he forced himself to smile. "Tell you what?"

"That Blair went to Duke!" Gwen exclaimed crossing her arms. "More specifically that she was a Kappa."

Chuck felt his whole body relax. It was an innocuous piece of information. Something from after Blair left, not before. She hadn't betrayed him yet. "I'm sorry - I just never really thought about the connection."

Blair had watched the way Chuck had reacted. It was clear he didn't trust her around Gwen. He thought she might actually reveal things to her that he hadn't. Though that wasn't entirely a surprise since that was exactly what she'd threatened to do last time they'd seen each other. Plastering a smile on her face Blair joined in on the joke. "Yes imagine my surprise to find out that Gwen had grown up in Tennessee and gone to college at Vanderbilt. Not to mention the fact that we're sorority sisters."

Serena rolled her eyes. "You should have seen them earlier. Did you know that they have a secret handshake?" She'd been surprised when Blair had told her she'd joined a sorority - apparently as a junior it was rare but the first friend she'd met at Duke had been in Kappa and convinced her to join. That Gwen was in the same sorority at another southern school was an oddly annoying coincidence.

"Don't worry, I forgive you." Gwen said with a smile before placing a quick kiss on Chuck's lips. "Now go so you're not late for your meeting."

Nodding Chuck and Nate said their goodbyes to the girls before heading in towards the store.

After they split from the guys the girls fell back into an easy conversation but now Blair's mind was elsewhere. She'd been expecting some kind of warning from Chuck - that little check in hadn't been revealing enough. Just as they were rounding the corner she felt her cell phone vibrate. Slipping it out she smiled to herself; sometimes it scared her how well she knew him.

Tell them you forgot something and meet me back inside.

Reaching quickly into her purse Blair opened her wallet before immediately halting her movement. Sighing loudly she noticed the blondes stop and turn to face her. Putting the wallet back into her purse she shot them a look of frustration. "I left my card at the store."

"Okay, let's go back and get it." Gwen spoke, Serena nodding her ascent.

Blair shrugged. "No you guys go on ahead and get a table. It's a Saturday I'm sure it will be crowded. I'll go back and get the card then meet you there."

"If you're sure." Gwen said with a questioning nod.

Blair smiled. "Of course. See you in a few." She said before turning away - ignoring the look in Serena's eyes that said that she didn't buy the ruse for a moment but was letting her get away with it.

Walking back into the store she immediately spotted Chuck leaning against a nearby shirt display. Nate wasn't around but that didn't really concern her; she had no delusions about what this was about. Coming to a stop in front of Chuck she lifted her eyebrows. "Go ahead...I answered your summons didn't I?"

Chuck felt the twitch of his jaw as he narrowed his gaze at her. "Is that what this was about? Getting me to come to you?"

"What?" Blair asked, finding he'd manage to say one of the few things that might surprise her.

"Then why? What the hell are you up to?" Chuck asked taking a step closer.

Blair smirked slightly. "Getting to know the competition of course." Tilting her head slightly she let the smirk ease into a soft smile. "In all actuality I quite like Gwen and" For a moment Blair looked away unsure of how much she wanted to reveal of what she was feeling before remembering that she was trying to be honest.

"And what?" Chuck prodded curious as to the strange almost wistful look on Blair's face.

Turning back to Chuck she felt the corners of her lips turn up. Once more Blair saw the tension on his face, he was terrified she was going to sabotage his relationship."And if in the end you choose her, she's going to be a part of my life. I've started to accept that that may be something I have to get used to."

Chuck scoffed in doubt. Blair didn't back down, not like that. No Blair went in for the kill ever time. So for her to be saying this she had to be trying to lull him into a false sense of security. "You expect me to believe that?"

"After the way I acted last week at dinner, I don't expect you to believe a word that comes out of my mouth." Blair spoke completely serious. "Especially one pertaining to Gwen."

Chuck almost flinched at her words. It perturbed him that she continued to be so unexpected. He'd thought that was a ruse last week. Lull him into a false sense of security, admit to messing with his head, appear repentant, then the moment he started to relax around her to think they could be friends, she'd strike - she'd tell Gwen and he'd have no excuse.

"I won't." Blair spoke her voice soft as she looked at Chuck.

Blinking Chuck looked at her strangely. Her eyes looked so warm and compassionate and there was this look of repentance on her face that he had only rarely seen before. But what surprised him even more was that she'd followed his line of thought.

Blair smiled sadly. "It's kind of strange isn't it. I'd thought my ability to read you had disappeared completely. It ebbs and flows now - but at least I know it's still there somewhere."

Swallowing Chuck knew he couldn't address that comment, he couldn't afford to let her in enough to give an answer. He couldn't tell her that he recognized it too, that the connection he thought had been severed still lingered if only by the thinnest of threads. "What did you mean when you said that you won't?" He asked, his voice stiff.

Nodding, Blair knew that he needed to change the subject, she wouldn't dwell on her last words. "I won't tell Gwen. My threats last week were childish and uncalled for. I was upset that you were upset and it put me on the defensive. I couldn't do it, even if I wanted to."

Scoffing as though trying to force disbelief Chuck took a step towards her. "And why is that?"

Inhaling deeply, Blair let her words flow outwards with her exhale. "Because I've hurt you enough to last a lifetime. I didn't realize just how much until I saw the look on your face at the restaurant when we talked about the Hamptons. The thought of hurting you like that is almost too painful to imagine. I can't and further more I won't."

Chuck felt his heart throb loudly in his chest as his mind went back to the video of Blair in the elevator. It was true for both of them, seeing the other in pain was as bad as pain itself...maybe worse.

She could see that while Chuck's facade had cracked slightly he still wasn't sure she was telling the truth, so she continued straightening her spine as she spoke, enduing her words with a solidness that she knew he would recognize. "Look Chuck - I've made no secret of the fact that I want you back. But the thing is I want you to want me back and me destroying what you have with Gwen isn't going to do that. That would only make you hate me more. So no, I won't tell Gwen anything you don't want her to know. I won't even discuss our past with her unless she asks me. Though you might have to fill me in on what she doesn't know."

Chuck's brows pulled together as he studied her. She was being serious - even though everything he knew was telling him he couldn't trust her something inside of him knew that about this she wasn't lying. "This would be easier if you would just stay away from Gwen."

He watched her eyebrows lift and shook his head. "But I know you won't. I think she knows about what you'd expect her to know. We were close friends growing up. You were my first love. I'd loved you for basically forever and thought that I always would. I screwed up over and over again but you always came back. Then when things were good - the best they'd ever been - you disappeared in the middle of the night and it destroyed me."

Blair nodded, doing her best not to flinch as Chuck finished. He was right - that was basically what she would have assumed herself. "Okay then - well I shouldn't keep them waiting."

Exhaling Chuck wasn't sure what to say. He was putting a lot of faith in her but she was conceding things that she didn't have to concede. He couldn't exactly say thank you for not ruining his relationship but he knew that he should say something. And another part of him wanted to ask her why she'd been so distraught in the elevator but mostly he didn't want her to know he knew about that. So instead he just nodded.

Shooting Chuck a quick smile, Blair turned to head out and was halfway to the door when she heard him call out to her.

"You were really a Kappa at Duke?" Chuck asked - the words bursting forth completely on their own. His curiosity had clearly gotten the better of him but nevertheless he couldn't wipe the smile that had slipped onto his face.

Facing Chuck, Blair smiled. "You didn't know? I thought your PI would have picked up on that."

Chuck shook his head. "No - he was just supposed to find you. Then after that he was supposed to check in on your relationship status...Large groups didn't really factor into the instructions."

"But Fraternity Parties and Mixers didn't make the cut?" Blair asked with a laugh.

Chuck frowned slightly. It was probably a good thing he hadn't known about the social events back then. He could go mad with jealousy when it came to people touching things that were his. "I never thought that would be your scene." He spoke, still curious.

Smiling softly Blair nodded. "Me either. And most people join as Freshman not Juniors but I had a close friend who was a Kappa who practically begged me to join. I had to find something to keep myself busy or I would have gone insane and my studies weren't occupying enough of my time to do the trick. Honestly I tried a lot of things before joining - clubs, study sessions, offering my assistance as a TA; but nothing kept me busy enough to keep my thoughts from wandering."

Chuck found himself frowning and began to wish he hadn't asked. He knew what she was saying - that she'd had to keep herself busy to keep herself from thinking of him. The look in her eyes said it all. If she'd let herself think about him she would have changed her mind. He felt once more the loud throb of his heart as he thought about how different things might have been if he'd said something to her during one of the times he'd gone to North Carolina.

Blair knew Chuck understood what she was saying but it surprised her that he was looking at her so intently. And for the first time since she'd been back she felt the smallest pulse between them; something more than a thread that allowed her to read him, something that carried meaning. But just as quickly as she felt it run through her the connection dissipated.

Flinching Chuck pulled himself away from her gaze. No - he wouldn't let her subtly convince him that their relationship failing was his fault. It wasn't. It was hers.

Swallowing, Blair knew that the moment was over and ran a hand through her hair. "I'll see you around." She spoke quietly before turning and walking away.

Chuck turned his head back towards Blair at her words - something about the way she'd spoken had thrown him off. It wasn't until she was gone that he realized what it was. For the first time - her saying she'd see him didn't feel like a threat and worse it didn't fill him with dread.

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kate