Hi darlings! Here's the next chapter and since I made you wait an extra day it's a nice long one. This is one of those chapters that might not seem like it has major developments but a lot is revealed in this chapter. If you're paying attention you'll note several inconsistencies in characters' stories – this happens in three ways:

1) Point of View – especially in flashback, how someone remembers something may not be how it happened or it may look one way to them but actually be another way.

2) All Characters are Liars – Every single one of them is lying about something (or multiple things) to various people. So you can't always take their words at face value. Their internal thoughts aren't lies though

3) Foul Play – There may be instances of interference going on in the background by different parties at different times.

That said enjoy the chapter :)

To my reviewers: Sharryy, stilettomafia, PureJadore, scarlett2u, Moozanna, LovelyLydia, ChuckBlair08lover, lovetvtoomuchxo, Grace, Katy, shanGG, Pingping, misssunnybluesky, GGfanficfan09, CarolinaGirl21, and the lovely Guest reviews I received - Seriously guys, you are all so freaking amazing. I'm sorry I didn't get around to answering everyone's reviews this week – I'm crazy busy with work and thought you'd prefer a new update instead of a reply. xoxo kate

Disclaimer – I own nothing.

To my beta – kosoul7, you are beyond amazing, couldn't have gotten this chapter up without you!

Chapter 12: Needing to Know

Dan smiled. "Seriously thank you." He whispered before realizing that they had both been standing there talking in hushed tones for entirely too long. "Let's go in the living room so we can actually talk." He spoke, picking up the portable baby monitor as they walked out.

Sitting down on the couch Blair exhaled. "Okay what is it you want to ask about? I can tell there's something."

Dan shook his head - her ability to read people was legitimately uncanny. "Victrola." Dan said knowing there was no reason to hesitate. What surprised him was her lack of reaction.

Blair tilted her head slightly. That hadn't been what she'd expected Dan to say - she thought he'd bring up Chuck but Victrola wasn't the direction she'd assumed he'd go. "What about it?" Blair asked.

Dan's eyes widened as he walked around to the chair. "He sold the property."

Blair pressed her lips together though she was doing her best to look nonchalant. She knew she had to choose her next words carefully. "He didn't tell me he'd found a buyer."

Dan shook his head slightly. "The sell was bank official as of yesterday. It was a gift to Gwen." He added with a small frown. He knew why this was a gift to Gwen but he had to wonder if Gwen really knew herself.

"She'd told me she'd been on him to sell it for a while, that she didn't know why he was holding onto it so tightly." Blair smirked to herself. "If she had known she'd realize what a gift it was, what Chuck was saying by selling it."

Swallowing Dan smiled crookedly. Blair's eyes saw so much more than everyone else's. "So you're not upset?"

Blair sighed loudly. "I'm not sure I have a right to be." Looking up at the ceiling she tried to blink back the sudden tears that were stinging her eyes. She'd been so strong these last few weeks - being with Dan made her feel like she could fall apart and still be okay but that wasn't something she wanted to lay on him. Inhaling deeply she looked at him, knowing her eyes were probably shining, "But unfortunately that doesn't change the fact that I am."

Moving quickly to the couch, Dan slung his arm around her shoulder. "You knew this was going to be tough; but you chose to stay and fight."

"I know." Blair spoke taking a shuddering breath. "Sometimes it's just really hard, you know."

"I know." Dan replied as she leaned her head against his shoulder. "I can't lie to you and say that what you're going through is anything like what he went through when you left him." He expected her to say something but she was completely still against him. He didn't even hear her breathing.

Looking down at her he studied her carefully, watching for a reaction. "The first time you left him was bad enough, but the second...that summer after the Hamptons even I was worried. He waited for you, he looked for you, and when you didn't come back he collapsed."

Closing her eyes Blair made the conscious decision to just let what she was holding back go. "I waited...for him." She spoke her words perfectly enunciated.

"What?" Dan asked leaning forwards to try to catch her gaze.

Blair swallowed tightly feeling her throat burn as she turned to look at Dan. "I knew I'd fucked up the moment the plane took off from the Hamptons but I wouldn't let myself think about that because I was afraid I'd turn around and leave Austin when he needed me the most. His dad - the only parent he had left was dying - what was I supposed to do? Tell him I was still in love with my ex and leave him? And I was terrified that if I called Chuck, the second I heard his voice I'd be on a plane to New York."

Blair's mind drifted quickly back to that summer, it was one of the most painful times in her life. She'd hated every moment of it.

Blair paced outside the doors to the hospital, staring at the cell phone in her hand every few seconds. Maybe she should just call him, call him and tell him what had happened. She'd hurt him to try to give herself time to deal with everything that was going on with Austin, and everything that was still going on with her. She'd thought that was the right thing to do – for both of them. But she'd been wrong. She shouldn't have hurt him; she should have been honest about Austin and about how scared she was of letting Chuck love her. And now she was stuck in this purgatory. She couldn't just walk away and leave Austin when he's father had days left at best. But not being able to call Chuck, to tell Chuck that she loved him, that she would always love him was torture. He might never forgive her if she waited too long - but she knew the moment she heard his voice she'd want to be in his arms. Being in limbo like this was killing her; but she had to have faith that once this ordeal with Austin was over Chuck would still love her.

She was confused though. When her plane had touched down in Charleston she'd half expected Chuck to be standing on the tarmac, leaning back against a limo with his arms crossed, giving her the patented 'I'm Chuck Bass' look. But then the days began to pass. She'd been there as best as she could for Austin but she'd constantly been thinking of Chuck.

He'd sworn he was going to follow her to the ends of the earth but so far she hadn't even had a phone call. She'd known she had to be here and support Austin but even as she'd been doing that all she could do was think about Chuck and agonize over the fact that he hadn't shown up in Charleston yet. The fear that he could have given up was eating her alive. Leaving wasn't something she'd done to test him. That hadn't been her intention at all. But if it had been, he certainly didn't pass. So now she stood here contemplating the possibility of calling him.

If she did she could explain everything and hope that he forgave her. She'd do whatever it took to prove to him that they were forever. But she was worried that if she let herself focus on that now she'd be completely unable to be there for Austin in the way that she should be.

And she couldn't just abandon Austin, even though it had been obvious from the moment she returned that he wanted to pick up where they left off. She knew what he wanted, but she couldn't give that to him, not anymore when she was so sure of how she felt with Chuck. But she couldn't break his heart now, not when he was already so alone.

So being with Chuck would have to wait and she'd have to hold out hope that he wouldn't give up - even though it already felt like he had.

Exhaling she dialed a different number on her phone, mostly because she couldn't keep all this bottled up any longer.

"Hey S, sorry I'm just now getting in touch." Blair spoke forcing a smile and hoping it carried over to her voice. The last thing she wanted was for Serena to know how miserable she was.

"Blair?" Serena asked confused. "Who's phone are you using? The area code was 919 - I almost didn't answer. Is everything okay? I didn't think I'd hear from you until you got back from France."

Blair blinked for a moment confused before realizing why Serena was taken aback. "Oh I'd forgotten you wouldn't have this number. I got this phone a couple years back because Verizon service was spotty down here back then so I kept it for emergencies. But I haven't been able to find my phone since I got back from the Hamptons." As she spoke she realized for the first time that if Serena didn't have this number then Chuck probably didn't either. For a moment she relaxed - when she got off the phone with Serena maybe she could at least send him a text.

"Oh..." Serena spoke quietly. She paused for a moment wondering if she should mention to Blair that Chuck was looking for her or if she should just leave it alone. At very least she needed to figure out what was going on with Blair first. "So everything's okay then? I got your message about postponing your New York trip until later in the summer."

Exhaling Blair shook her head slightly. "Austin's dad had a heart attack so I'm not in France."

"Blair, I'm so sorry." Serena said with a sigh, all thoughts of Chuck fleeing her mind. "Is it serious? Is Austin okay?"

Pressing her lips together, Blair pushed back the pain she was feeling on Austin's behalf but when she opened her mouth, a strangled sob came out instead of the words she'd expected.

"Oh B..." Serena said feeling overwhelming. "Is there anything I can do?"

"No. That's the worst part, I feel so helpless." Blair spoke, her voice tight with tears. "There's only one thing I think I can do but it's the one thing that I can't."

Serena found herself confused at Blair's last statement. "What do you mean sweetie?"

Blair blinked trying to force back the tears stinging her eyes. "Austin wants to lose himself in me and that's not fair, to any of us. Not anymore."

"But I thought you and Austin were on solid ground?" Serena asked. "I mean I know you'd decided to take this summer off but surely this changes things where that's concerned."

Swallowing Blair shook her head, casting a quick glance at the hospital door. "Serena, so much has happened...there's so much I need to tell you."

Just as she was about to say more, Blair saw Austin emerge from the hospital room tears streaming down his face. One look was all it took and she knew. "Serena I have to go, I'll call you later."

Snapping the phone shut she walked over and embraced Austin, allowing him to collapse against her. She didn't say anything, she knew there was nothing you could say to someone who'd lost their father - the only relative they had left. So instead she just held him.

When his grief began to make him unsteady Blair helped him over to a bench, pulling his head against her chest and stroking his hair as he cried. His agony was tearing her apart as was her own guilt. She'd been here the past few weeks for him but her heart had been somewhere else entirely.

After what might have been hours Austin began to mumble against her shoulder. Pulling back slightly, she bent her head to meet his gaze. "What is it?" She asked softly.

Swallowing Austin looked up and met her gaze and in that moment he didn't feel quite so lost. When she was with him, her arms holding him, he didn't feel as though the world were falling apart around him, or if it was he felt like with the two of them together that didn't matter. "I've ruined your blouse. I'm sorry."

Looking down Blair noticed that indeed the silk was probably done for before looking back up. "Probably, but I don't care about a stupid shirt."

Leaning close Austin rested his forehead against her's and took a deep shuddering breath. "I don't know what I'd do without you. You're the only thing that's held me together the past few weeks."

Blair closed her eyes and breathed in and out a few times as the guilt washed through her. He needed her and she was practically plotting a way to extract herself. "I'm always going to be here for you. You know that."

Austin nodded, placing his hands on either side of her face. "I do. When I'm with you I actually believe that everything's going to be okay. God I'm so glad you're here." He stroked her cheeks with his thumbs as he sighed. "I love you so much Blair, I don't know what I did before you but now, I can't begin to imagine my life without you in it darling."

Blair froze as her heart clenched painfully. She loved Austin so much but it wasn't the same kind of love that she felt for Chuck. She didn't know what to say, what to do. She couldn't leave Austin now...not until she knew he was going to be okay.

Smiling ever so slightly Austin leaned in and placed his lips against hers. Blair let him kiss her but she couldn't kiss him back, not now that she knew the difference. Drawing away slightly, she spoke her voice quiet. "Austin..."

Austin furrowed his brow slightly as his fingers stroked her hair. "What's wrong? Is everything okay?"

Blair nodded as she reached up and took his hand in hers. "I love you." She spoke looking directly into his eyes. "But I'm not ready for more. I still need this summer."

Austin's brows pulled tightly together. "Oh, I just...I thought that after everything that had happened we'd moved past that."

Swallowing Blair tried to force a smile, knowing she most likely looked strained. The last thing she wanted to do was hurt Austin - that would make everything else pointless - but she didn't want to lie to him either. "There's a lot of things from my past, things that I haven't gotten over. And before I can move forwards, I have to deal with that."

She hadn't lied, she'd actually been quite honestly - almost blatantly so. She wasn't over Chuck, their relationship, the way they'd left things, any of it and she wasn't over the issues she'd had that caused her to leave him both times. She really did have things to deal with before moving forward...with anyone. She knew it had worked when she saw the gentle smile on his face.

"Of course." Austin spoke his voice soft. He'd let himself forget that Blair had been running from a past relationship for a long time, she was just beginning to really let him in, he couldn't push her like that or he'd lose her. "I'm sorry – it's just that right now, I only feel okay when I'm close to you."

Nodding, Blair pulled him to her in a hug. "Don't worry, I'm not going anywhere." She spoke pushing back the fear, the anxiety, and the guilt. First she had to take care of Austin, then she could worry about herself.

Shaking herself from her memories, she turned completely to face Dan and exhaled. "I thought he'd come after me, I wanted him to come after me. He'd sworn he would never let me leave him again. I tore myself apart when he didn't. And I know that isn't an excuse but I thought he'd given up on us."

"Blair...he did everything he could to find you. He didn't give up. Hell, I'm still not sure he has." Dan spoke eyes narrowed. But at the same time his heart was pounding. They'd blamed Blair for this for so long but there was so much more to all of this than any of them had been aware of.

Shaking her head, Blair felt her voice crack as she spoke. "He says he didn't but if Chuck wanted to find me he would have. He's Chuck Bass and I wasn't hiding. I took the chartered plane straight to Charleston, he could have just pulled the flight record."

Tilting his head curiously Dan shot her a confused look. There were pieces of this story that were still shaped like gaping holes. Blair was right, Chuck would have pulled the flight record for that plane; but he knew for a fact that Chuck had gone crazy looking for her. Before he could say anything Blair was talking again, though almost to herself.

"Unless..." Blair spoke, her mind working quickly, barely even realizing she was speaking. "He must have deleted the flight record...I didn't ask him to do that."

Narrowing his eyes as he tried to read her, Dan shook his head. "Who exactly are you talking about? I thought Austin didn't know you'd been in the Hamptons."

Blair's eyes snapped open as she looked at Dan. Now she'd done it, there was no way out of this without admitting something she hadn't planned to say. "This does not go in your book got it?"

Dan nodded slowly. "Alright, fair enough." Too curious to deny that request, even if whatever it was turned out to be critical.

"I was talking about Jack." She spoke her voice measured. "When I need to get away quickly Jack is who I call. It's happened a couple times."

Dan shook his head in shock. That was the last person he'd expected her to say. "Jack, as in Jack Bass? How can you possibly trust him?"

"I don't really. Well maybe I do but not like you'd think. It's not like he does it for free or anything." Blair spoke shaking her head. "It's just, from time to time I find myself in a position that I need something only a Bass can achieve. If I'm not speaking to Chuck my options are limited. That's when I call Jack. He still totally sketches me out though - I haven't actually seen him since I left here, I just call, wire him some money, and he does whatever it is that Bass's do."

Dan was still shaking his head. "And you even had to question that he might mess with your flight records?"

Blair shrugged. "Yeah I mean, I'm a little mad about that I guess. I don't like being messed with but that's not really the point. Even if Jack messed with the flight records, even if Chuck couldn't find me in Charleston, at the end of the summer he knew I was going to Law School at Stanford, he could have found me there. But he didn't wait that long."

None of this made sense anymore - not the least of which was Blair's last statement. "What do you mean he didn't wait that long? Chuck was a fucking mess that summer."

Swallowing tightly Blair looked down before meeting Dan's gaze. The fact that her heart wasn't jumping in her chest at what she was about to reveal shocked the hell out of her but it also made what she was about to say easier. "He looked okay to me at your wedding."

Dan's brow furrowed for a second as he thought about her words before his brows shot upward in realization of what she was saying. "You did come to the wedding? To MY wedding." When Blair nodded slowly, Dan continued. "And you didn't say anything to anyone?"

Blair smiled sadly. "I'd planned to. Honestly, I did. But when I saw him with someone else I couldn't breathe much less manage to confront him."

Exhaling Dan shook his head. "Gwen...he brought Gwen to the wedding. They'd only known each other for a few weeks at that point but I still remember what he said to me. 'When I'm with her it doesn't hurt as much. When I'm with her I feel like I can almost breathe.' He was still in love with you." Dan said, his voice low at the memory.

Blair's heart clenched painfully at Dan's words but it didn't change anything so she just shrugged. "That's not what it looked like. He looked so damn happy." As she spoke she was back in that moment and her stomach turned all over again.

Checking her reflection in the bathroom mirror Blair smiled. The dress was perfection - the Valentino hugged her curves perfectly and the pink hue made her look almost as though she were glowing. In less than 10 minutes she'd see Chuck again, she'd had to look perfect.

She couldn't wait to see his face when he saw her. The moment she did she'd know that she'd made the right decision not to call him to tell him she was coming. She gave herself one more moment to soak it all in before exiting the bathroom.

Deciding how to do this had been agonizing. She'd known that she couldn't wait any longer when she'd heard Serena mention that he'd met some girl. She couldn't risk losing him, even if it meant that she'd be hurting Austin while he was still healing from his father's death. She'd given him as much time as she could risk and even after she wouldn't abandon him - though the likelihood that he'd want to see her once he knew wasn't very high.

Maybe she should have called, she thought brow furrowed as she exited the bathroom. But over the phone just didn't feel right, not when she'd waited so long for this moment. Besides he'd be more likely to go easy on her if she had the element of surprise on her side.

Part of her was terrified that she'd waited too long. She'd wanted spare Austin pain but what if Chuck really had moved on. He couldn't possibly have, not so soon. Everything was going to be fine, she just had to breathe and relax.

But that was so hard when she could hardly control her excitement now that this would finally all be over. She'd finally be with Chuck, they were going to get to be happy.

She jumped with alarm as the church bells started and hurried to her seat - she'd get to watch the wedding, then as soon as it was over she'd go to him and she'd finally get to explain everything. Her heart felt swollen with an emotion that she barely recognized because for the first time she could remember she felt hopeful and that made her feel strangely innocent.

When he walked in her heart beat faster. He was shaking hands with people and she almost trembled at the thought of what those hands would do to her later, where'd they'd touch her, where he'd place those lips that his tongue had just swept over. For the briefest moment she thought he'd seen her, his eyes brightened ever so slightly and a smirk slipped onto his lips; but then his gaze was gone without a look of surprise.

Breathing loudly she shook herself from her trance, blinking furiously she brought herself back to the present. She did it just in time to see Dan walk up next to Chuck and pat him on the back. She was almost at the back of the church but she could still see them. They were so close now, it was strange sometimes to think about, especially since she was pretty sure it was at least partially because of her that they'd bonded. And there was Nate with Eric walking in. Her smile brightened as she watched the four of them.

For a moment she looked for Serena, not seeing her blonde friend until she came in from the same door the boys had, kissing Dan on either of his checks and Nate on the mouth before taking her seat near the front. Part of Blair was immensely jealous that Serena was getting to be a part of this and she wasn't - but she couldn't let her return take even a bit of attention away from Dan and Stephanie's day. What she wanted could and would wait.

The service was beautiful of course, but as it reached the end she could hardly contain herself. Her anxiety had increased throughout the service, mixing with all of her excitement, creating a ball of nerves. She knew from when she was planning to attend that the bride and groom were doing some wedding shots while the close family and friends waited in the annex to join them before everyone moved to the reception. Her plan of course was to catch Chuck between the church and the annex; hopefully by himself or with only the bridesmaid he was escorting.

When the wedding party filed past, she made sure she was the first one out of her seat, smiling politely at a blonde who seemed to be moving as quickly as she was even though she'd stepped on her shoes. Today she could afford to be generous, today she was happy. Letting the blonde go on, she followed her out of the church pausing when she heard her name.

Blair turned and noticed a girl that had been in Dan's drama class at NYU, one of the girls from TISCH; for the life of her she couldn't remember her name but she didn't want to call attention to herself so she made polite small talk before moving on.

Rolling her eyes as she walked away, Blair cursed the wasted time. Now she'd probably have to approach Chuck in front of everyone. Huffing she turned the corner about to proceed towards the annex when she heard voices.

"GOD you look delectable in Armani." The girl spoke, her voice low almost husky.

Blair was about to keep walking and ignore them when the girl's companion spoke and she froze.

"You see me in Armani almost ever day baby." Chuck replied, which could be a response he'd give to any one of the whore's he used to sleep with but this was different. His voice held a hint of compassion that Blair hadn't heard him use with anyone but her.

She felt her heart begin to throb in her chest...this must be the girl Serena had mentioned going on the business trip with him. But things weren't serious, they couldn't be.

"I know it's just your bestman-ness is so sexy." The girl spoke flirtatiously, Blair could hear her well and she didn't sound like a twittering idiot, especially when she heard her pull back. "The wedding was really beautiful Dan and Steph look so happy. Someday I want to be that happy."

There was a pause and Blair's mouth went dry with fear, she knew she needed to see their faces, needed to know for sure that the emotion that she thought she heard in their voices was really there.

Blair shifted her body slightly she could see them. They were further down the hall than expected and if they looked over right now they'd be able to see her but she had to know, she had to risk it.

"You'll have that, of course you won't ever be as sappy as those two," Chuck spoke, holding no hint of sarcasm. He was being completely genuine and she could see in his eyes and in his face that he meant it, he was relaxed and happy with this girl. "Neither of us would ever be so lame."

Laughing the girl smiled brightly, before becoming more serious. "I'm starting to think I could be that happy with you." It was then that Blair recognized her - it was the same blonde that she'd bumped into scurrying out of the church.

But the girl didn't hold her interest for long as her eyes went back to Chuck observing him taking her time as she poured over every inch of his body; waiting to hear his reply. Her breathing stopped when he nodded. "I know what you mean."

She thought she was going to hyperventilate as she watched them, they looked happy and together and he seemed whole. She wasn't sure he'd ever looked at her like that.

When the girl spoke again, Blair could already feel the tears on her face. "You already mean so much to me, sometimes it scares me."

Blair watched him swallow and nod, his hand reaching out and tucking the girl's hair behind her ear, leaving his hand on the side of her face, he leaned in and kissed her. Blair couldn't look away, she was frozen in place, uncertain that she'd ever felt quite this level of pain.

"Thank you for coming with me...I'm not sure I could have made it through the day without you here."

Blair heard the slight choking sound of a sob and knew it was coming from her. If it broke their stares they'd see her and now that was the last thing she wanted. Darting around the corner she ran. Jerking off her heels as she tore down the hall she kept going, not stopping until she was out of the church and to the car she'd rented. Sliding in she didn't pause before taking off out of the parking lot, panting and out of breath as the tears rolled down her cheeks.

She'd waited too long, it was over, it was all over. The reason Chuck hadn't called wasn't because he didn't have her number, the reason he hadn't come for her wasn't because he couldn't find her, it was all because he'd moved on. She'd broken him for the last time and now he was done. She felt like such an idiot. If she'd called him he probably would have told her as much...but if she had she probably wouldn't have believed it. How could he be happy? Especially when she was so miserable.

Exhaling heavily she grabbed her phone and dialed a number she didn't want to dial. In truth she should have done this a long time ago but her stupid heart had held her back. "Mr. Davidson - I'm ready."

"So the wedding...that was the errand that you mentioned being your second trip to the city?" Dan asked shaking his head as he tried to sort through everything she'd just told him.

Blair nodded, forcing herself not to look away. She hadn't meant to mention Mr. Davidson so she needed to hope he hadn't picked up on it. "And then I find out that he tracked me down, he's kept tabs on me all along. If I just hadn't given up so quickly...Everything would be different right now if I'd just approached him at the wedding. Instead we stalked each other while dating other people. How much more fucked up could we be?"

Dan laughed as he shook his head. "It's not over, you know. You still have time."

Blair grimaced but nodded. "I know. I'm not giving up."

Dan nodded before tilting his head curiously. "Who's Mr. Davidson?"

"Hmm?" Blair asked, surprise rushing through her system as she tried to downplay her reaction.

Dan's brow furrowed slightly as he nodded leadingly. "You mentioned him when you were telling me about the Hamptons too. I've been meaning to ask for weeks and keep forgetting; but you mentioning him just now made me remember."

Think, think, think. She told herself quickly as she rushed to come up with an explanation. To mask her worry she covered her confusion with a thoughtful expression and then shook her head with a smile. "Oh Mr. Davidson - I know who you're talking about now! He was my travel agent at the time. I'm shocked I remembered his name - it must have been an in the moment kind of thing."

Dan titled his head, a travel agent, really? She'd seemed to have quite a bit of familiarity with him for that to be the answer but at least for the Wedding that would make sense, she was ready to get out of there. But what about the Hamptons, she'd told him to cancel something - that she didn't need it anymore. "That's a nosey travel agent, if he argued with you on canceling a trip to the Hamptons."

Blair rolled her eyes and smiled. "I know it's my own fault for babbling to him about my problems when I book flights. But I had a trip booked that summer to surprise Austin and when I called the first time to cancel he stubbornly didn't - which turned out to be a good thing I guess. But it's not important."

Dan forced himself to nod rather than narrow his eyes. He didn't believe a word that had come out of her mouth just then. That had been babbling - there would have been a simpler explanation for that if it had been the truth...Blair had over-explained, not to mention her smile didn't meet her eyes. But he knew he wasn't going to get a straight answer from her so he ignored it. Not to mention - she sounded like the travel agent she'd really been using was Jack. Yes Blair Waldorf was lying to him; but for now he had to let it slide. "Ohh, yeah I guess that makes sense."

Before either of them could say another word they heard the cry through the baby monitor. Blair exhaled. "Like clockwork." She spoke getting up with Dan to go Rosaleigh, who would predictably need a diaper change.

Gwen shook her head as she walked down the street. "No Lance, that's not going to happen." She was immensely annoyed with her youngest brother right now. He'd been trying to convince her for two weeks to put him in charge of Avalon's Southeast Asia business but she wasn't caving.

"Why not?" He asked impertinently.

Exhaling angrily Gwen shook her head. "Because I said so."

"You're not my mother Gwen." Lance spat back.

She could hear the eye roll on the other side of the line and it only served to further piss her off. "You're right. I'm your boss, the CEO of Avalon cosmetics and let's not forget you cashed in the majority of your shares to me. Not to mention I've already got a candidate in place for the job."

"I'm your brother!" Lance shouted in return.

Shaking her head Gwen pressed her lips together. "Yet you have next to no experience, dropped out of business school, and have previously showed no interest in the company which means what you really want is a reason to go to Australia. You want to go there, go there, but it's not going to be as head of the Southeast Asia division." She heard him starting to speak again and snapped. "This conversation is over."

Sighing loudly as she put away her phone, she almost missed the dark locks of the girl exiting the building in front of her. Smiling she waved. "Blair! Were you visiting Dan?" She asked realizing where they were quickly.

Blair forced a smile and nodded. "Steph got called to work out of town for the week so I've been helping out with Rosaleigh."

Gwen smiled brightly. "That's right I'd forgotten. I'm a little jealous, I've been so slammed with work that I've barely gotten to see the little angel."

"Personally I think I'm getting a little too attached but they haven't kicked me out yet." Blair added with a small laugh, sliding into the easy report they always seemed to have together.

Smiling Gwen nodded. "I'm sure Dan appreciates all the help he can get - I remember when Arthur had his first; both he and his wife were frazzled for months." Dodging people walking down the street she nodded at a hotel near the end of the block. "You want to grab a drink and chat for a bit? I need a break from work today before my dinner meeting tonight and could use a cocktail."

Blair racked her brain trying to think of an out but couldn't so she nodded. "Sure, lead the way."

Following Gwen up to the bar, Blair took a seat and ordered two martinis before turning to Gwen. "So it's been a rough week?"

"The worst." Gwen said with a sigh. "We have several new partnerships in various stages, we're opening up a new Fleur de lis in Tokyo, the board is still less than enthusiastic about a 26 year old female as their CEO, there have been like a million crises at work this week and to top it off I'm planning this big gala for that I really don't have time for."

Blair exhaled. When Gwen talked about her day like that Blair couldn't help but feel a little lazy. "That sounds rough. Anything I can do to help?"

Gwen's eyes widened in pleasant surprise. "Seriously?"

Blair nodded, she wasn't sure what she could do but honestly she didn't have anything better to do right now anyway. "Sure, what do you need?"

Gwen smiled genuinely. "Could you help me out with this gala for the Junior League? They're actually honoring the legacy of several businessmen who've died this decade - including Bart and my father - which I'm sure is why I was asked to co-chair."

"Who's the other Co-chair?" Blair asked curiously - needing to know how much the other girl would protest if Blair got involved.

Gwen rolled her eyes. "Susanna Hempstead."

"No way. She's ancient!" Blair exclaimed with a shake of her head. "Chairwoman Emeritus is one thing but she's too old to chair anything now. But now that I'm involved it's actually better that it's Susanna rather than someone who will fight you on things for this. Susanna will just let you do what you want."

Gwen nodded. "I thought so too but I've never actually chaired anything before. And I'm not even Junior League so I don't even know the protocol."

Blair just shook her head. "Don't worry you have my help now and it might have been a while but I'm fairly certain I'm still a pro at this. Plus, I am Junior League so that's taken care of and last I checked I'm in good standing so there won't be push back on my help."

"You're Junior League?" Gwen asked curiously. She wasn't sure why she was surprised, Blair had been gone for so long she just assumed she hadn't had anytime to be involved before she left.

Blair laughed. "Junior League, Central Park Nature Conservancy, New York Preservation Society, New York Daughters of the American Revolution, the Women's Foundation, the New York Historical Society, the Women's Auxiliary Board, the New York Public Library junior members, you have to be ancient before they let you on the board there..." Looking up she saw the surprise and what might be considered awe on Gwen's face and smiled. "I won't bore you by listing the rest."

"There's more?" Gwen asked with a shake of her head.

Smiling, Blair swirled her drink and nodded. "I was a member of 27 organizations by the time I was 20. Which would be impressive even if Brooke Astor and her little protégé Lizzy Whitney didn't try to use her influence against me. I used to date Nate and she had a bit of a vendetta when she was alive" She supplied sensing Gwen's confusion and realizing Gwen probably didn't know that. "Nate Archibald." She added quickly.

Looking up she saw that Gwen was looking at her as though she were speaking a different language all together. "Nate's a Vanderbilt. The Vanderbilt's and the Astor's hate each other..." She spoke leadingly, her eyes widening at the realization that Gwen wasn't confused about the Nate portion but about the family rivalry. "There are a few rivalries amongst the older families, when planning you have to be very careful about inviting the important people without having the ones who hate each other too close to one another at any one time."

Exhaling she met Gwen's wide gaze, her eyes serious. "Okay, don't worry, I have everything under control. I've done this before. I'm a little rusty but nobody's better at this game than I am. So my help is yours if you want it."

Slowly Gwen nodded. When Blair had started talking about the families and their rivalries she'd gotten completely lost. Clearly she was in over her head. "Yes, please."

Smiling, Blair nodded. "Okay, so what's next on the list that I can help with?"

Gwen blinked quickly before smiling and continuing. "Well I need a sounding board for an issue I'm having at work."

"Alright shoot." Blair spoke taking a sip of her martini.

Leaning forwards Gwen launched into her latest dilemma, more in her comfort zone than she had been with their discussion about the Gala. "I need to hire a new executive over the South Pacific but it's gotten really complicated."

Tilting her head Blair frowned, eyebrows pulled. "How so? I mean is it just an issue of not being able to find the talent."

Gwen shook her head, unsure of just how much she should say. "No it's not that. We've got several well qualified people on our radar - some of whom have confirmed their interest."

"But..." Blair said leadingly.

Sighing Gwen nodded. "But I've been holding on offering the position because the person I want to hire, isn't the one that I should."

"Not experienced enough?" Blair asked as she took a sip of her drink.

Gwen pressed her lips together and shook her head - she didn't know how to explain this to Blair of all people. "No that's not it, honestly he's the best candidate but he has a rocky past business wise. The board isn't going to like it if that's the direction I go. And there's a lot of pressure for me to select one of my brother's."

Frowning Blair propped her head on her hand and faced Gwen. "Do you trust the guy to get the job done?"

Gwen almost laughed because the thing was, she did trust him even though she knew she probably shouldn't. Nodding carefully she met Blair's gaze. "I do."

Blair shrugged. "Then screw what everyone else is saying go with your gut."

Go with your gut. Gwen thought to herself as she looked at Blair. She'd been doing a lot of things lately by her gut and so far she hadn't been wrong. But she was terrified to be wrong on this.

Seeing Gwen's hesitation Blair shook her head. "If you're wrong you're wrong, but don't you want to be wrong because of something you decided rather than be wrong because you let other people talk you into making a call you didn't want to make?"

The air flew from her lungs so quickly Gwen hardly realized she'd been holding it. "Oh my God you're right." Shaking her head she motioned for two more drinks from the bartender before turning back to Blair. "You're 100% right. If I'm wrong I'm wrong and I can live with that. But I can't live with letting myself be railroaded by a bunch of men who think they can, only to still be wrong. If I make the wrong call, it has to be my call, not someone else's."

Smiling slightly Blair nodded. "I thought so."

"Damn you're good at reading people." Gwen spoke with the slightest shake of her head. "I get why you're going to make a great lawyer."

Blair laughed to herself before a small smirk found its way onto her face. "I'm good at arguing too."

"I believe that." Gwen said returning it with a smirk of her own. "You're someone who goes with you're gut too aren't you?" Gwen spoke appraisingly.

Blair sighed before pressing her lips together. Was she? Was she someone who went with her gut? She couldn't be sure. Not anymore. "I used to be. And sometimes I think I still am. My intuition used to be uncanny. But there are times when I let my head get ahead of everything else and it ruins things."

Gwen frowned because she had a hunch that she knew exactly what things Blair was referencing. "It's when your heart's involved isn't it? For some reason you don't trust yourself."

Nodding Blair looked down into her drink. "It's because I made the wrong decision too many times to know when I'm making the right one."

"It nearly killed him." Gwen spoke matter-of-factly causing Blair's head to snap towards her. With a nod she continued. "He was completely destroyed. He was practically a shell."

Blair felt her shoulder's tense up as the conversation shifted towards a topic that was uncomfortable for both of them. "I still hate myself for it. The way I treated him...it was completely irreprehensible. God it's the worst thing I think I've ever done." She looked at Gwen pointedly. "And you didn't know me in high school - I did some terrible things; but I've never regretted anything the way I regret hurting him. The sick thing is I even had myself convinced that I was in the right, that I was protecting us."

She felt Gwen's hand on her arm but she didn't stop, she just looked at Gwen. "I need you to tell me how much I hurt him, I need to hear it, to understand why a part of him still hates me. Because damn it I didn't know." When Gwen didn't say anything, simply widening her eyes, Blair continued. "I've apologized. I want us to be able to be friends but I don't think he'll believe me when I say that I'm sorry until I really know what I'm sorry for."

Inhaling deeply Gwen decided that she could do that it would ward off any chance that Blair would even consider going after Chuck again - if she knew how much it had hurt him. "It had been two years when I met him and he still couldn't hear your name without falling apart. I always knew the nights when someone had mentioned you because he'd call me drunk off his ass or show up at my apartment barely able to stand."

Blair sat there completely transfixed hardly believing the words Gwen was saying. "Yet you stayed with him?"

Gwen let a small smile slip onto her lips. "I couldn't seem to leave. There was something almost beautiful about his brokenness. That it was because he'd loved and lost made me feel like he was worth the potential risk. I used to hate you for what you did to him."

Squeezing her eyes shut Blair considered hard whether or not she really wanted to ask what she was about to ask Gwen to do. Whether she really wanted to know - especially since she wasn't sure how this effected her deal with Chuck not to say anything about their past. But it wasn't really their past it was what she'd done to him and that was something she needed to know. "Tell me about December 8th." When she heard Gwen's intake of breath she nodded. "I need to know."

"He disappeared for two days. I looked everywhere. The New Yorker, the Empire...he'd trashed the Empire there was glass everywhere. So he'd been there. Eric had seen him at their apartment briefly but only long enough to know he was falling apart. He wouldn't tell me why...all he told me was that it hadn't been like this the past two years that he'd been okay." She spoke, her voice almost trembling at the memory.

Blair nodded telling her to go on - she couldn't say why it was different. Gwen didn't know about the Hamptons she couldn't be the one to tell her. "How did you find him?"

Gwen exhaled. "Serena called me finally and told me that he was in your bedroom and wouldn't come out. I kicked down the bathroom door from Serena's room to yours...sorry about that by the way - if it helps it broke my heel."

Blair shrugged, she wasn't about to ask how Gwen even knew how to break down a door and obviously since the door was there now she didn't really care so she just let Gwen continue.

"He was just lying there in your bed shaking. It was the scariest thing I've ever seen in my life. He was clutching a pillow to him, wearing a suit, shoes on, shaking. There were tears flowing down his cheeks and I'd never even seen him cry." Gwen said feeling herself begin to lose it a little at the memory. "I stood there for a moment before climbing into bed with him, pulling him against me. He cried and he cried; he clutched me to him and I just held him."

"When he finally spoke I was so relieved I could have cried." Looking at Blair she pressed her lips together. "Until the name he said was yours. And I've never hated someone like I hated you in that moment. Not my father who left my mother, not my asshole brothers, not my first love who dumped me on my birthday, no, I'd never felt that kind of hatred."

Blair let out a small gasp but now she knew where this was going and she knew there was nothing she could do to stem it. This was going to wreck her; but maybe that's what she deserved. Because she understood what Gwen was saying, what Chuck had thought and how much that had hurt Gwen that he did.

Gwen could feel her breathing quicken, becoming heavy and labored. "I still remember his words. God they were so strangled." For a moment she lost herself, lost track of where she was because the memory was so clear.

She'd frozen the moment he'd uttered her name. The girl, the one who'd done this to him. She'd picked up the pieces for months, she thought they were moving past things, did this have something to do with the girl? The bitch who'd left him.

"Blair..." Chuck spoke again, clutching tightly to the small arms wrapped around him. "I knew you'd come."

Gwen could feel the bile rise in her throat and she wanted to pull away but this time his grip was too tight, this time it wasn't because she couldn't walk away because right now she didn't want to be here; but he wouldn't let her leave. Not because of her but because he thought she was Blair.

"You have no idea what a difference this makes." Chuck spoke slowly, his words still strangled but tinged with hope. "I've been in this dark hole, drowning; but the moment I felt your arms around me I knew that everything was going to be okay. I knew you'd come, that you wouldn't abandon me. The worst things I've done, the darkest thoughts I've had, anything right? You're the only family I have left, but you're the only family I need."

She felt as though someone had poured acid through her veins and it was devouring her from the inside. This beautifully broken man that she'd come to love wasn't any less broken than he had been when he'd met her. She couldn't put him back together, she couldn't fix him. "Chuck..." She spoke, her voice almost a sob.

He turned faster than she could have possibly expected and met her gaze. What she saw when she looked at him might have been the most devastating thing she'd ever seen. It was like all of the light and hope that she'd heard in his voice only moments before had been sucked out; had been shattered. She'd never seen someone have their heart broken until that moment.

"Gwen." He spoke his voice more of a gasp.

Swallowing she nodded and began to pull back. But as she did his grip tightened.

"I'm sorry...I didn't...I can't...I don't even know how." Chuck spoke, stumbling over every word he tried to speak. "Don't go."

A single tear leaked from her eyes as he pleaded with her. She was hurt and she wanted to run. But Chuck had hidden himself away from everyone. Serena said he'd refused to speak to both her and Nate, to let them in. Maybe Blair was the one he'd really wanted to be there because of something that had happened between them, but he wasn't telling her to leave - he was asking her to stay. So she did.

For a long time they just stared into each other's eyes, neither saying anything. She was in an unfamiliar bed, one that smelled a bit like Chanel Number 5, but that didn't matter because it was just the two of them. She didn't know how long it was before Chuck spoke but when he did she was ready to listen.

"You know about Blair. You know that she changed me. I didn't think that I was capable of love before her; I don't think I even knew what the word was. I sure as hell didn't get it from my Dad and my mom died in child birth but that didn't mean that I didn't want it from my father." Chuck spoke his voice surprisingly steady. "Today's Friday isn't it?"

Gwen shook her head. "Sunday." She spoke quietly. "I think...It could still be Saturday."

Chuck nodded, not even surprised. "Well my father died four years ago Thursday. I always wanted to earn his approval and his love. Blair got that about me because her mother wanted her to be someone she wasn't for most of her life too. So she knew...she knew that when he died I would break even though he didn't love me because I'd never had the chance to make him."

Gwen inhaled but said nothing. Things were beginning to make sense and a part of her wished she could go back to not understanding.

"When my father died...it meant that I was alone. I had no one. No family. It was just...me." He spoke, voice hitching only slightly. "Nate, Lily, Serena, Eric, they all tried to convince me that that wasn't true. But it was...except...I had Blair. She broke through everything else, she wouldn't let me turn her away. She broke our stalemate and told me that she loved me. I'd never heard those words from anyone before, not once."

Gwen could feel herself crumbling, was aware of the tears leaking from her eyes and slipping down her cheeks but she didn't say anything, didn't even move.

Swallowing Chuck forced himself to continue. "She promised me that she was my family, that no matter what happened she'd stay with me through anything. At first I turned her away but then Lily said something to me and I broke and this is where I came. She put me back together. She held me even when I abandoned her over and over, when I ruined her life, when I wrecked her reputation, no matter what I did to her, she never was far from me, she never truly abandoned me. Until she did. And now I don't know how to do this. I don't know how to not be with her."

Reaching out Gwen placed a hand on his face and traced her thumb along his lips. "We're going to figure it out - together." She wasn't sure where the words came from, she certainly hadn't intended to say them; but as she did she realized that she meant them. Looking into Chuck's eyes was almost like looking at a frightened animal, so she felt like she had to do something more to reassure him. Leaning forwards she placed a kiss on Chuck's lips. "I'm not going anywhere."

Chuck nodded slowly, unsure about what he was feeling. There was pain and anger and uncertainty; but there were other unexpected emotions that he hadn't realized he'd felt yet. He'd never intended to make himself vulnerable to Gwen, certainly not today but for the first time his feelings had felt...different. When he thought she was going to walk away, he'd felt something strangely akin to panic rush through him. He wasn't sure what he'd felt but he'd known that he couldn't lose her and be okay. "Okay."

Nodding, Gwen started to stand, lifting her eyebrows when Chuck reached out and grabbed her arm. "I'm just going to go get you some soup or something."

"Not hungry. Stay with me." Chuck said, tugging her towards him.

Gwen furrowed her brow. "Have you eaten anything since you came here?"

Chuck thought for a moment about lying before shaking his head.

"Then either you let me go get you some soup or I call 911 and the emergency room can deal with making you eat." Gwen said, her tone leaving no question that she was completely serious.

Relaxing his hold on her Chuck nodded. "Then you'll come right back?"

Gwen smiled ever so slightly, leaning down and placing a kiss on his lips. "I'm not going anywhere. I promised remember."

Looking back at Blair, she had to control the rush of emotions she felt - the hatred bled through the memory and she had to control her glare. She'd heard bits of the story here and there. She knew that Chuck had done some horrible things to her and that they'd been young and reckless but in that moment she felt like she was back in the bedroom with Chuck, watching as he crumbled.

Blair looked down, unable to meet Gwen's hard gaze for a moment. She could see the hatred there and she felt it radiating through her own heart. Swallowing she looked back up at Gwen. "As much as you hate me, I hate myself more."

Finally getting ahold of herself, Gwen was able to separate the memories from the truth of how things were. What Blair had done was in the past and it wasn't her place to judge, she only knew how much pain Chuck had been in - she had no idea what Blair might have gone through. She didn't hate Blair, she actually liked her quite a bit and while Blair and Chuck had been serious it was when they were practically teenagers. "Things got better after that but it was almost a year before he could hear your name without flinching. But that day was when things started to change."

Exhaling Blair could hear the raggedness of her breathing. She'd known it was going to be bad but she hadn't expected it to be quite that hard to hear. The way Gwen was talking...she'd never even begun to think that he'd been in that kind of pain. No one had tipped her off that he'd been hurting for that long, she'd assumed that he'd been okay after what she saw at the wedding - it hadn't been until she got back and tried to fight for him that she even began to realize the damage she'd done to him. "Thank you." She spoke quietly not sure if she was thanking her for saving Chuck when she hadn't or for telling her what had happened.

Gwen nodded slowly as she reached out and touched Blair's arm. "You should forgive yourself Blair...Chuck, well Chuck will be Chuck, he's going to take his time, you know as well as I do that his past makes it hard to earn his trust. But you can't go through life too afraid to make choices because you're worried you're making the wrong ones again. You've got to learn to trust yourself again."

Blair pressed her lips together. She wondered if Gwen had any idea that she was practically encouraging Blair to go for Chuck. As she was still trying to land on a response Gwen continued.

"For instance, I hear you left a pretty serious relationship back in California?" Gwen spoke, gauging Blair's reaction. When Blair's head snapped towards hers she continued. "Like engagement level series."

Blair fought to control her emotions, doing her best to leave her face relaxed as the varying feelings rocked her. Gwen knew that she'd been engaged, that was curious. Blair noticed that she didn't exactly say that she'd ended the relationship. Had Chuck told her that Blair had a serious thing going to distract from the possibility that she might be here for Chuck? She wasn't sure exactly what to say, what she wanted Gwen to know or to believe. "Things with Austin, that's his name, Austin Davenport, well things were serious. We were engaged, planning our wedding."

"And now?" Gwen asked curiously.

"Now, I'm not sure." Blair spoke, her voice unsteady. She didn't want to directly lie, but she also didn't wanted to have to tell Gwen the truth about why she and Austin didn't work out. "Things stopped feeling right."

Nodding Gwen looked at Blair seriously. "Do you think maybe it didn't feel right with Austin because you don't trust yourself anymore when it comes to what you're feeling?"

Blair's mouth parted unsure of what she should say. The truth was that it was because she didn't trust herself that she'd stayed with Austin for so long. But she couldn't say that, not to Gwen. And right now after hearing what she'd put Chuck through she was awash with new uncertainties. She wanted him, wanted to fight for what was between them but she wasn't sure that she could ever make up for that kind of pain. So instead of saying anything close to the truth, she lied. "Maybe."

"Then why don't you give him a call and see where things stand?" Gwen implored, with a slight smile slipping onto her face. "What could it hurt?"

Blair shook her head slightly. Gwen didn't understand but honestly she didn't want her to, not really. "It could actually do a lot of damage. When I left it was more than just cold feet, I was dreading getting married. But he didn't, not even for a moment. My leaving crushed him and I don't want to hurt him anymore than I already have. I can't do that to him. So I refuse to go back unless I'm sure that it's what I want."

Gwen nodded. "That's fair enough." Standing she gave Blair a small smile. "I have to get back to work but I've enjoyed this. I like that we're friends Blair."

Blair was cautious as she spoke, as she was with most conversations she had with Gwen. "I do too." She spoke knowing it wasn't a lie. She liked Gwen but it was hard for her to be friends with her - hard because she represented Blair's failings. "Thank you for being honest with me."

Smiling Gwen gave Blair a curt nod before turning and walking towards the door. "And you better believe that I'm going to hold you to helping me out with this gala."

Blair laughed and nodded. "Happy to help." As Gwen walked out of the bar, Blair's smile faded and she wondered, not for the first time if she had any business at all fighting for Chuck. It felt like all she'd ever done was hurt him. He was okay now, he had found a way to be happy without her, maybe it was time for her to let it go.

Dan had been pacing the apartment almost since Blair had left. He knew he should just drop it but he couldn't. This wasn't even about the book anymore - he still had reporter instincts in him to find the truth but he'd hit a wall with Blair. She'd told him everything she was going to tell him without lying to him; in fact he was pretty sure she'd already started lying to him. There was only one other person who might say more than she already had and the decision to go there was one he hadn't made lightly.

That's why he was now standing inside the elevator of Bass Industries, Rosaleigh with him in a baby carrier. Looking down at his daughter he smiled - at least he had a solid excuse for visiting. Chuck had been nagging him to drop by with Rosaleigh anyway.

Walking in he waved at Chuck's assistant who sent him on in - he knew he was one of the few that could come to Chuck's office unannounced. When he walked in the door he watched his friend's furrowed brow immediately ease into a smile.

"It's about damn time you brought that baby to see me." Chuck exclaimed, immediately standing and walking over.

Dan grinned, feeling only slightly guilty for using his daughter as an excuse to talk about other things with Chuck. Reaching down he lifted her from the carrier. "Do you want to hold her?"

Chuck scrunched up his nose slightly drawing back. He wasn't sure holding Rosaleigh was the best idea Dan had ever had. "The suit is Armani..."

"Yes and you can afford ten more like it." Dan said as he placed the baby in Chuck's wary arms.

Chuck looked down at Rosaleigh and swallowed, his throat suddenly dry. He didn't touch babies, didn't even go near them, but his aversion had nothing to do with the fact that they were messy and smelled weird and everything to do with the tight clenching of his chest that immediately occurred when the little thing was placed in his arms.

Chuck blinked a couple of times as he looked down at her forcing back the sting. He'd avoided it because he feared that it would feel a little something like this - but in truth it was worse than he'd imagined. He hadn't touched a child since Blair had lost the baby and in that moment he felt what she'd described at dinner after she'd first gotten back, he felt the jealousy, the loss, the unfairness of the situation.

Pushing those feelings to the side he looked up at Dan, not entirely surprised to see that Dan was analyzing him. Great...he'd managed to make Dan suspicious of something. Trying to throw him off and onto something else Chuck spoke quickly. "Sorry I haven't been by, work's been busy and you happen to spend a lot of time with someone I don't particularly care to see."

Dan had to hold back a smirk. Chuck had been dodging something, what exactly he wasn't sure, and had played right into his hands. Of course now Dan was curious about what Chuck was dodging but for now it wasn't his main concern. "Still haven't forgiven her?"

Chuck's eyes snapped to Dan's as he lightly rocked Rosaleigh in his arms. "Forgive her? You do realize why she's back don't you? It's certainly not for forgiveness."

"Forgiveness is part of it." Dan spoke assuredly as he shot Chuck a look that made it clear that he knew what Blair was doing here better than anyone. "But...I wasn't asking if you were going to take her back. I was just asking if you were ever going to get past hating her. You can't even stand to be around her man, sooner or later this is going to combust if the two of you don't figure some things out."

Chuck narrowed his eyes slightly as he appraised Dan, he was fishing for something, he just wasn't sure what. "I don't hate her, but I don't know that I can forgive her either. And even if I could I can't trust her; not after what she did."

Shaking his head, Dan decided it might be a good idea to take Rosaleigh and put her back in her carrier before he goaded Chuck further. As he did he spoke. "I know what she did and what I can't understand is why you just let her walk away a second time."

Chuck flinched at Dan's words, completely thrown by what his friend was saying. "I don't know what you're talking about." He said, though he knew his words were far from convincing as he'd practically stumbled through them.

Dan crossed his arms and exhaled. "Yes you do and so do I. Why didn't you go after her after what happened in the Hamptons? Why'd you let her walk away? For as long as I've known the two of you, you persistently wouldn't leave one another alone no matter what had happened. What could she possibly have said this time to make you give up? Did you really just accept her excuse that it was revenge and let her walk out of your life?"

Swallowing Chuck could hardly control the barrage of emotions he felt; ranging everywhere from surprise, to confusion, to anger. Once they'd washed through him he felt so raw that he couldn't seem to enunciate anything but the truth. "What are you talking about Humphrey? I didn't leave her alone, I did everything I could to track her down."

Dan shook his head, this conversation was going in the opposite direction of what he'd intended but now that he was started he couldn't seem to stop. "I think that's bullshit." He'd defended Chuck to Blair, but even if Jack had somehow been involved there was no reason that Chuck shouldn't have found her. None at all. Not if he'd known about Austin which Dan was sure he had. "I remember those months when you were 'looking' for her Chuck, but really did you ever do anything but call her cell phone one thousand times?"

"Daniel, you don't know what you're talking about." Chuck spoke, his voice becoming a low warning. It was clear that Dan was officially Team Blair, something he couldn't be totally surprised about but still it made his life more complicated. "And you are clearly too emotionally invested in a relationship that doesn't even exist."

Dan continued to shake his head. "You're lying to yourself." He spoke, taking a step closer. "You don't hate her, you want to hate her but you don't. And that's why you won't let yourself be around her, you're terrified that you'll feel it again." Dan continued, finding a rhythm in his words, their cadence seeming to pour over his tongue. And though Chuck was gritting his teeth he continued. "Go have one normal conversation with Blair and see what happens. Then tell me that there's nothing between the two of you. Or are you too much of a coward?" He asked, knowing he was baiting Chuck.

"FINE!" He shouted so suddenly that Dan jerked back and snapped his mouth closed. "I will" He added. Chuck's eyes lit with fire at Dan's taunt. He wasn't an idiot, he knew when he was being led on but in that moment he couldn't do anything but give Dan what he wanted. He was right in some ways, this was going to be awkward until he figured out exactly what he was feeling so that he could deal with it.

"Okay then." Dan spoke quickly, somewhat cowed at Chuck's sudden emotion. He glanced down at Rosaleigh, who was somehow still sleeping peacefully then back up at Chuck. "I wasn't trying to get into anything about all of this..." He spoke, an apology in his voice.

Chuck nodded and exhaled, his face wiping of emotion leaving him looking spent. "I'm just getting really tired."

Dan nodded actually understanding. "It's work making yourself hate people isn't it?" Smiling to himself, Dan shook his head. "I remember when I forced myself to hate Serena. It's exhausting."

"I really should go talk to her shouldn't I?" He asked slowly, leaning back against his desk.

"Yeah, I'd say it's probably time for that. She's not going anywhere man." Dan said before glancing at the door. "Though I should probably get back."

Chuck nodded and Dan turned to leave before realizing that he still hadn't asked what he'd come to ask. Turning back he tilted his head slightly and looked at Chuck. His friend was sitting on his desk, feet just touching the ground as he stared at the floor. "Who's Mr. Davidson?" Dan asked.

Chuck's head popped up as he stared at Dan. "What?" The name was familiar, he'd heard it before but he didn't really know what the context was that Dan was asking. "I'm not sure, the name's not unfamiliar but why do you ask?"

Dan stared at Chuck for a long moment, aware that he wasn't lying. Whoever Mr. Davidson was to Blair, Chuck didn't really know him. "Blair mentioned him, but I think she lied to me about who he was."

Chuck tilted his head, curious. "Who did she say he was?" The name was there, he could hear her say it but he couldn't for the life of him remember the context.

"Her travel agent." Dan said with an eye roll.

Chuck shook his head. "Blair doesn't have a travel agent, I know that much."

Dan laughed, he'd thought as much himself. "So the mystery remains, who is Mr. Davidson?" Turning to leave again he smiled to himself. "Maybe you can ask her when you talk to her later."

Chuck shrugged, at this point he'd been so worn down by this unexpected conversation that he probably would have agreed to anything. "Sure."

Any guesses as to who Mr. Davidson is? If you guess correctly (and indicated you would like to be told that you've guessed correctly) I'll confirm that you're right just like I did when I asked you for your guesses for who was spying on Chuck and Blair at their dinner in Chapter 6.

Guesses or no – reviews are always appreciated.

xoxo
kate