At those words, I could hear the sea breeze blowing through the air, the waves crashing violently into the shore and I shut my eyes, scared.

I knelt there, not really knowing just what to do.

God had never given me clear instructions on what my purpose was, and the only thing that gave me any inclination had to be put to the side, for prayer and work.

I looked at Hegbert as I crossed the hallway, and his office door was opened as he went through piles of taxes and worksheets.

I gave a stern smile at seeing this, how he was able to cope with everything and still return to normal life.

I guessed because he had already suffered death before, from his young wife, to now, his beautiful Jamie.

I squinted my eyes a little, feeling frustrated that Hegbert had taken the bible off me but then I looked across to a picture of Jamie on the wall, and the humble girl's smile almost made me cry.

I looked across at the photo frames on the wooden timber walls, and suddenly spotted one of Jamie's mother with Hegbert, the two looking happy and at peace.

Jamie had never known her mother and apart from the bible she had gotten off her from her father, Jamie had no former knowledge of her mum, besides both their love of God.

After examining the photos, I felt my heart get weary and sad.

I went outside to the cold wet weather and just felt raindrops splash on me from the sky.

It was a dull day, and the clouds looked heavy with rain. I looked across the sky for the sun and saw it shine through and hit the hills in the far off distance.

I wanted to follow the sun, to feel some warmth. But all I felt was a shiver go through my back and I held my arms together tightly as I shook there coldly.

"Are you going to just stand there?"

I looked behind me. I could see Hegbert looking at me frustrated and I replied, with as much strength I could muster.

"What else can I do?"

"Go and visit the orphans," Hegbert demanded more so than asked.

I looked at him, baffled.

"But-"

"But nothing." He replied sternly. He looked at me, and said as if giving a valuable piece of life advice, "An idle mind is the devil's playground."

I shook this time in fear when I heard this.

"It is...?"

"Go now, and see what has to be done."

"...alright," I replied barely and went to Jamie's room to get changed. It was then I realized that I had not brought any clothes with me. I sighed, and went back out, asking Hegbert for something to wear.

"Here." He said crossly and gave me some of his clothes. Very plain and dull, "Go buy yourself some clothes today."

"Okay..." I said, my voice sounding upset because I still was. But I had no excuse not to buy new clothes. However, with as little money I had on me at the time, I felt like I needed to find a way to survive off my pennies.

I went to a charity clothes shop to get some pants and tops. I reminded myself that winter was coming by fast, and got some jumpers and a coat, to keep me warm.

When I eventually did reach the orphanage, I could feel the descent in the air, as the young children seemed not as happy as they usually were.

I waved to them nervously when I arrived, and many of them just stared in wonder at me, and why I had even come.

"Thank you, Landon," One of the little girls said when she saw my bag of clothes. She had gone over to them excitedly but looked sad when she realized they weren't her size.

"Sorry," I said with a nervous sad laugh, "These ones are for me."

"Do you want to make some cake with us?" One of the young boys asked and I realized that there was no excuse out of this.

I just wasn't prepared that reality would still roll on and people would get on with their lives.

I looked at the brunette small boy and said with a soft sad smile, "Yeah, okay."

I stayed there till four in the day and waved goodbye to the children as I left.

I felt like I should've done more, but in all honesty, what else could I do? I felt drained and lifeless. Grief really was a horrible feeling, but I'd rather be sad forever than forget about my Jamie.

My chest felt tight, my eyes grew red as I walked down the street of my town, and felt the rain pour down on me without mercy.

I used the coat I bought to cover me from the rain. I could hear the pitta patting of the rain on the yellow waterproof coat and carried on my walk as I turned at the corner and entered back into Jamie's street.

I looked up at the sky, and saw the sun break through the heavy greyish yellow clouds. The sunbeams were a beautiful afternoon golden light, and I stared at the cloudy sky, in silence... before I swore I heard an angelic voice sing softly around me. I looked around quickly for who it was.

When I turned, I swear I saw a young girl with angel wings, but the second I blinked my eyes she was gone.

"J-J..." I stuttered, terrified, but full of heavy disbelief, "Jamie...?!"

No one replied. I stood there, lost and confused, before turning nervously back in the direction of the Sullivan's home.

The rain seemed to stop just when I reached the veranda, and I nervously knock on the door.

Hegbert answered it within a few minutes, and he stared at me crossly, asking.

"Why are you all wet?"

I looked at him awkwardly, before turning around and seeing the sky had cleared up and the sun was now shining radiantly down on the land.

"It..." I said, unsure of myself, "It was raining..?"

"Hmph," He huffed, only half believing me and I stepped past him, going into the timber home.

He looked at me, bewildered by this and I smiled nervously asking.

"Is everything alright, sir?"

He slit his eyes and just responded.

"Six o clock mass will be on in less than an hour."

"Oh...um."

"I expect to see you in the front row."

"Yes, sir..." I responded, almost silently and most definitely afraid.

"Good..." He turned around and picked up Jamie's bible, plopping it in my hands and the weight of it made me lean forward a little, till I adjusted to its heavy pages.

Hegbert only looked at me crossly, before turning away and heading to his room, most likely to change garments for mass.

I looked down at my own clothes and sighed sadly as I went into his daughter's room, and got dressed in respectable wear.

I looked out the open porch to the sea, and when I had dressed up properly, I stepped outside, looking at the clashing waves and they're calm stretching up towards on sand, till they rinsed back into the sea.

The moon was only just barely breaking into the day as twilight approached slowly. I sighed and closed my eyes, a teardrop slipping down my cheek.

I whispered quietly.

"Father... help."

And only heard in the distant ocean that angelic voice again.

Jamie... I knew it must be her. I stepped against the railing of the porch and yelled out.

"Jamie!?"

The voice blew away in the wind... leaving me, and I swallowed, scared.

I knew it must be her... but hope was all I had... that and the fear of delusions, penetrated my heart.

That... or the fear that I was wrong.