When I sat down on the wooden seat in the church, I could feel eyes staring at me. I took a sigh out, and turned my head to the side, seeing my parents down a few rows. I could see that my mother's eyes were red... and I felt a pit of guilt in my stomach for all I had put them through.

But I knew. I knew I couldn't go back to that life of luxury... or else, everything I did the last couple of days would be for nought.

I looked up ahead of me and saw Hegbert administering the homily as the sermon was coming to a close.

The last thing I heard him say was.

"In this world, there is only one person you can trust, who always has you in his love."

Jamie...? I thought jokingly to myself. I felt a pain in my heart afterwards though and looked sadly up to the elderly minister.

"Jesus."

I nodded my head weakly and sighed as I thought of the man and god, Jesus.

I remember reading a line in the gospel that said, if one even has the faith of a mustard seed, they could say to a mountain, 'move,' and it would obey.

I knelt on my knees and placed my hands together to say a prayer as the mass ended.

I whispered in my hands.

"Please, bring her back..."

I didn't know why I thought this prayer would revive Jamie. She was gone... and even though my body felt so much pain and heartache, I didn't want the agony to go away.

Because it was this heartache that kept her in my mind. It was this sadness, that made her still feel like she was affecting me through my life.

As I knelt there, my eyes still closed in misery, I felt a hand place on my shoulder. I blinked, realizing I was one of the few left in the church. I looked upwards to see who had touched me and stiffened when I saw it was my mum.

"Mum..." I mumbled, and stood up, moving away from the seat and benches, and looking at the woman who had reared me through life.

"Landon..." she whispered, tears in her eyes and she asked me, "Please come home,"

"It's not my home any more..." I replied sharply, but I saw the grief in my mum's eyes, I cleared my throat and replied, "This is where I need to be."

"But-"

"No buts mum... I'm not the same Landon I was months ago. I'm someone else..."

"Please, Landon..." she said in quiet tears. I looked at her, before clenching my eyes shut in hard internal pain. I pushed her gently aside and went over to the altar, seeing Hegbert had cleared away most of the sacraments, cups and cloths. He blew out the two candles that stood high on either side of the altar, and I looked at it all amazed.

Something in my heart seemed to ease its aching, as I looked at this magisterium. I felt like I could feel the edges of holiness touch me on the inside... and I don't know how it came about... but I felt stronger. Like God was giving me a sign.

To do what? All I could think of was it to trust him.

I approached Herbert, as he took off his white robe, and asked him nervously.

"Did you feel that?"

"What are you talking about?" He replied stubbornly and I gave a sad smile, as I responded.

"God... did you feel him?"

He looked at me for the longest time, but closed his eyes, as if to think over this.

I glanced behind me, while he took deep inhales and exhales out through his nose, and saw my mother had left.

"Possibly."

I looked back at Hegbert and replied, "I swear I felt something..."

"Only time will tell." He said to me and walked out towards the giant wooden door exit. I followed quickly, as I soon realized I was the last person in the building. When I reached the door, I looked back at the cross on the wall on the back, with a statue of Jesus hanging to symbolize the crucifixion.

I looked at him quietly, before hearing a horn beeping outside. I turned quickly away from the religious statue to see Hegbert was waiting for me in his car.

"Bye, Jesus..." I mumbled to the statue and turned to leave. When I stepped out of the building, I swore I heard a girl's voice say softly back to me, a gust of wind blowing from behind me.

"Bye, Landon..."

I quickly swung around to see who had spoken, but the church was empty of human beings.

As I walked out towards Hegbert, I wondered over this in my mind for a good few minutes. I sat on the passenger side of the car and leant my head against the glass window. Hegbert didn't say a word during our drive, and I mumbled out after a few minutes had passed.

"Do you think..." I began quietly, and he glanced at me sternly, "Do you think... God... and Jesus... have a purpose for me? A plan?"

Hegbert didn't reply and I sighed, my breath fogging up the glass with condensation.

"Jamie used to say to me..." I said quietly, looking at Hegbert, with sad sincerity, "That everything is part of God's plan... and y'know... I'm starting to believe her."

I said nothing more after that but could feel slight anger radiate off of the minister.

"Sir?" I said to him quietly and he closed his eyes as he pulled up in the parking area of his house.

"All one can do is trust. Trust he will lead you on the right path, with humility and humbleness. For God sees the whole picture, and you, you're only on the cuffs."

I looked at him silently when he said that, and knelt my head down a little, as my eyes grew wet, and I let out a tearful inaudible cry.

Hegbert looked at me for a few minutes, before patting me on the back and replying.

"Just trust." he stared at me with some hidden wisdom "You are young. But live every day like it's your last. You don't know what will happen tomorrow, so why worry about the weeks, months and years ahead. Let Jesus do that for you."

He smiled at me as if it caused him pain to raise his mouth into a smile. He said, with as much brave emotion as he could.

"Trust, and it will all come to pass. This life is only here for thee eternal life. Trust, just trust."

He got out of the car after that. And I followed suit. I stood outside in the cold blustery weather and sighed.

I still had to arrange a plan for my life. But going to church today, it made me feel more at peace, relaxed.

And I knew there was something there for me... what, exactly? I guess I had the rest of my life to figure out.

For all I could do was one day at a time.