Two hours later, Tony was almost aching for a drink but he refused to go out and buy more, even though he yearned for a taste. When had he started getting dependent on alcohol anyway? He drank the club soda in front of him, and while it did nothing to lessen the craving, it helped him to keep perspective that not drinking was the right thing to do.
It was only a matter of time before Gibbs showed up. Tony had already ignored two of his calls. He honestly didn't care if there was a case or not. Gibbs hadn't left a message either time so he doubted there was a case.
He had his laptop open on the coffee table, intermittently thinking and working on a carefully-worded transfer request. There was no movie playing in the background. No music either. Music could either be a distraction or send him down Memory Lane, and he was already slogging through that mud as it was.
When had everything gone wrong? More importantly, how much of it was his fault? Ducky had always been slightly aloof. Tony had chalked that up to his Scottish upbringing and he had never taken it personally until the day the ME had snidely made it clear that he didn't want Tony to know where he lived. Tony couldn't remember ever saying or doing anything that would've caused Ducky to feel that way. Whenever Gibbs wasn't breathing down his neck, he'd always been happy to sit and listen to Ducky's stories and have lunch with him. He, Ducky and Kate ate lunch together regularly. He was still rather shocked at being brushed aside like that.
He also didn't really understand Kate's reaction. He knew she disapproved of his womanizing ways, but he thought that under their banter they were friends. She had to know he wouldn't have taken advantage of the situation to sleep with her, if that's what was worrying her. He believed that their bickering was playfulness, sometimes a little sharper than either of them intended, but the big picture was that they had each other's backs and could always count one each other.
Tim, too, for that matter. He had said no without waiting for a reason. Tony knew he could be annoying and teased the younger agent pretty much constantly, but Tim had always been such a good sport about it that Tony never took it that Tim had truly disliked him.
Abby dismissing him without asking why, was a shock, as well. He had thought the news of him being homeless would've evoked her sympathy, and she would've been happy to have him stay, maybe even making a movie night out of it. The fact that she'd never asked why he needed a place to stay hurt.
Gibbs was probably the only one who had a legitimate reason for not wanting him to stay. Six months ago, it hadn't gone well. Tony had attempted to cook dinner one night. He had turned on the hand mixer and it hadn't started up. He turned it off, readjusted the mixers and when he turned it back on, they started up too fast and batter went flying up and out of the bowl splattering on the table, floor and even a little on the refrigerator. He'd made a mess of the kitchen and was in the middle of cleaning it up when Gibbs came home. He'd been furious, apparently thinking that Tony meant that he was going to just sleep there, not set up housekeeping. Tony had explained that he was grateful to Gibbs for letting him stay so he decided to make something but he'd had an accident and was cleaning it up.
Gibbs hadn't been impressed and told him to finish cleaning the kitchen while he ordered Chinese. It didn't help that the next morning before work Tony had somehow ended up in Gibbs' way no matter where he was in the house. Gibbs got so irate with him that Tony left that morning as soon as he could. He'd only been back to Gibbs' house a few times since then, and always because of work.
Now that Tony thought about it, maybe that should've been a clue that Gibbs didn't really like him, either. He kept him around because he was a good investigator but otherwise barely tolerable. At work, they used to have a good camaraderie though. Tony was so confused. What had he done wrong? It wasn't like he'd messed up the kitchen or got in his way on purpose.
Tony huffed. He kept going in circles with all these thoughts and they were going nowhere. He felt that he should know why his coworkers found him so repellant, but he thought they were friends, so he was at a loss. None of it made sense.
He let his thoughts drift to the future instead. He didn't want to leave NCIS. That much, he knew. While he never wanted to join the military himself, he respected the reasons one would join. It wasn't that he wasn't patriotic…he was, but he just had a different calling. Being a cop was sort of like being in the military anyway. There was still a chain of command and you still served your country in a different way. Tony loved being a cop, and he was a good investigator. He couldn't imagine doing anything else. He was even glad he hadn't made pro, though he wished he hadn't suffered a broken leg.
Maybe he could transfer to a coastal area, somewhere warm. North Carolina, South Carolina, Florida, California, any of them would be great. Maybe he'd even have a little time for fun in the sun. Maybe. He could lay out on the beach admiring beautiful women in bikinis and flirt and who knows? Maybe one of them would be his Ms. Right. Despite what he told Kate about being allergic to the word commitment, he didn't really want to be alone. He just wasn't quite ready to grow up yet…but soon. He could feel that it would be soon.
Maybe this is the beginning of that transition, he thought. Gibbs had been pretty controlling of much of Tony's time since he joined the team, insisting they work way more hours than those on the other teams did. Gibbs worked them hard to solve cases and sometimes it was to the point of exhaustion. Tony hadn't really liked that aspect of working with Gibbs. You couldn't be at your best in the field if you were exhausted, but tiredness didn't seem to affect Gibbs so may he thought if it didn't affect him, it wouldn't affect anyone else? How many times had he seen Kate and Tim sleeping at their desks because they just couldn't keep up with him and Gibbs. Tony eventually got used to it but he keenly remembered the days with Gibbs, frequently falling asleep at his desk. It took time to train his body to endure those marathon investigations. Tony never really thought they were healthy or necessary though.
"Won't miss that," he said softly to his glass of club soda as he took another sip.