Hello lovers! I'm back from vacation and fabulously tan. In other news, here's the next chapter of our little saga. I'm definitely going with the bi-weekly updates just to be sure I can have time to work on chapters and not end up behind. This chapter (and the next) were both VERY fun to write - I think you'll all really enjoy them.
To my reviewers: WhitmanFrostFiend, eckomoon, Nelson0987, the quiet zone, Trosev, Matyy, klarolinebasstiel, mia, Yop, seher143, and all of the guests reviews you guys are all so great - sorry I didn't have time to reply to all of your reviews this week.
To my beta: kosoul7 you're the best, as always :)
Disclaimer - I own nothing, rated T.
As a reminder: Steph, Gwen, and Austin have all been cast. Links to their picks on my profile
HEADS UP: There's a time jump of about 2 weeks between the first scene and the rest of the chapter.
Chapter 21: A City Full of Skeletons
Normally in a situation like this her mind would have been racing behind a carefully controlled mask. Right now she wasn't sure what her face looked like but her mind was completely blank. It was almost as though she couldn't think. She hadn't expected this and after her talk with Gwen earlier she didn't know what to feel.
Austin breathed slowly as he took her in, his eyes traveled along her body from her toes up her incredible legs, her hips, all the way to her face, those red lips, chocolate curls, and deep brown eyes. This is what people meant when they said a sight for sore eyes; looking felt like relief mixed with wonderment that she even existed. His heart was racing at her proximity and all he wanted to do was touch her. "Hi darling," he spoke softly.
Blair swallowed tightly, finally finding words. "Get up." She spoke, her voice scratchier than she thought it would be.
"Not until you say yes." He said, still holding his position, her engagement ring in his hand. She had to give them another shot, he wasn't taking no for an answer.
"Austin…" She started, titling her head to the side. Her primary emotions were still tension and numbness, did those even count as emotions? She wasn't sure that she could move if she tried; she felt frozen. "Get up Austin."
Austin smiled his most disarming of smiles, it had taken him years to get her to date him and months to get her to move in with him, she might have said yes the first time he had proposed but he'd prepared her for it, he'd taken steps to ensure he wouldn't have to ask more than once.
"Okay Austin, just breathe." He spoke as he once more ran his fingers over the small box. "You're not proposing, you're just hinting to her that you're going to propose. Well more than hinting but you're going to give her time to think things over." Exhaling he left the box in his jacket pocket and smiled. This would work. She would see it and then he would give her all the time she needed in order to feel ready before he actually asked her and when he did, it would be perfect.
Walking back into the bedroom he smiled, she was home, he could feel her. Moments later he heard the front door slam and nodded.
"Austin you better be ready to go, we need to leave for Izzy's party in 20 minutes and I need the bathroom!" Blair called walking back through the apartment. She'd been helping Alex set everything up in their apartment, only swinging back to her own to touch up her hair, makeup and change into her dress for Izzy's surprise party.
Austin smirked to himself. Of course he wasn't ready yet, but that was all part of the plan. Quickly affixing a sheepish look on his face, he grabbed a towel and acted like he was hurrying into the bathroom. "I'm sorry! I'm sorry, I got caught up with homework."
"Austin!" Blair exclaimed clearly annoyed. "We can't be late, you have to hurry."
"I know," Austin spoke quickly placing a kiss on her lips before darting for the bathroom. "Can you pick out a jacket and tie for me while I hop in real quick?" He called over his shoulder as he stepped into the bathroom.
Blair rolled her eyes but started walking towards the closet, grabbing her dress that she'd already laid out and quickly pulling it on. "Black or blue jacket?" She called out as she heard him turn on the shower.
"Let's do blue!" He yelled, though he wasn't in the shower yet, rather he was peeking through the partially open door into where Blair was standing in the closet. He watched for a moment as she pulled his blue jacket from the hanger and started to draw it over her arm. He saw it, the moment she realized what was in his jacket pocket. First her eyes widened and her back straightened. Sliding her hand along the jacket she reached inside, pulling from it the small box. He saw her swallow slowly and take a deep breath before opening the box.
He knew he was holding his breath waiting to see what she'd do next. The next moment stretched out for what felt like hours as she stood there staring at the open box. What if she hated it? What if it wasn't her style? What if it was too soon? What if she never wanted to marry him at all? His fears were overwhelming in that moment. It felt as though his world would either explode with happiness or crumble beneath him. And then she smiled.
It was a small smile but still a smile. He saw her close the box and slide it back into the jacket and then he saw her nod. At that nod her smile grew until it was beaming. All the breath he'd been holding rushed out of him full force and he was thankful he had already turned on the shower. Sticking his head quickly under water he couldn't withhold his relief; that was so much better than the reaction he'd expected that smile had been the furthest thing from running he could imagine. Maybe he didn't have to wait all that long after all. Taking a deep breath he focused, he had to finish the plan. Hopping out of the shower he rushed for the door, forcing panic into his voice. "No! Wait, let's do black!" He called, sticking his head out the door.
Blair looked at him strangely – she was so good that if he hadn't known she'd seen it, he wouldn't actually think she had. "Okay." She spoke with a smile as she shook her head. "Black will look better with my dress anyway. And tie's on the bed." She gestured walking up to him and tugging on his shoulder. "Now get out of the bathroom so I can fix my makeup, this steam's already going to ruin my hair."
Austin nodded quickly. "Yes mam!" He spoke before placing another kiss on her lips, this one he drug out longer. Even through the kiss he couldn't help but smile. God he was already the happiest man in the world and she hadn't even said yes yet.
After that he'd waited a few more weeks, placing a few other hints here and there to gauge her reaction before finally asking her to marry him; but only once he was sure she'd say yes. With girls like Blair you only got one chance and yet here he was asking for another. So for this he would wait as long as he had to – for Blair he'd wait forever. "Marry me Blair."
When her emotions finally broke through they hit her so quickly that she didn't know what to do with them; surprise, awkwardness, guilt, anxiety, fear, followed by an almost overwhelming warmth - God it was good to see him. Before she could do anything to compartmentalize what she was feeling, the tears were already forcing their way from her eyes. Her entire body seemed to shake with its inability to hold in her emotions any longer as she found herself crumbling to her knees.
Austin immediately reached out and pulled her to him, it was a reflex he couldn't control. He didn't know what was wrong – he had no clue – but for now he just need to be there for her for as long as she would let him. He held her there for only a moment before she began to pull back.
Leaning back on her heels Blair shook as though she was shaking him off. "Please, can we just sit down and talk?"
Blair was confusing, she had always been confusing; but it was rare that he saw her so emotional. He'd thought she was angry at first, but now, now she didn't look angry, she looked sad. For a long moment he looked at her, analyzing her emotions, he couldn't take seeing her like this and not be holding on to her but that didn't seem to be what she wanted. "Yes." He spoke, sitting back himself. "Of course we can."
When Blair simply sat all the way down Austin tilted his head curiously. "Did you want to talk on the floor?"
Shaking her head, Blair quickly stood, taking Austin's hand and leading him with her.
Following behind her, Austin was surprised when she didn't walk into the foyer which was visible from where he'd been sitting but instead motioned him up the stairs. It was strange – they'd been engaged, he'd seen her mom's house in Paris and her Dad's in Southern France, a cabin in Aspen, a vacation home in Bali, and a million other places she had at some point lived but this was his first time being in her home. When they arrived in her bedroom he couldn't help but smile, it was all just so Blair.
Blair turned about to tell him to take a seat on the bed if he wanted when she saw that he wasn't looking at her. He seemed completely fascinated by her bedroom and it took her a moment to realize he'd never been here before. And there was this sparkle there in his eyes that tugged on something deep within her. For a moment she stood there in silence before finally deciding that one of them should at least say something. "I'm sorry, I should have given you some kind of tour or something."
Austin's head turned towards hers and his smile eased. "No, it's fine. I was just thinking how much of you there is in this room."
Blair felt her eyes moisten but this time it wasn't because she was sad. There was such warmth to his tone and looking at him in that moment she couldn't help but be reminded that Austin did know her. He knew a part of her that maybe no one else did; but it seemed he knew the old her too, even if she hadn't realized it. "Come sit." She spoke, her voice surprising her with its gentleness.
"Are you okay?" Austin asked quickly. He wanted to reach out, to place his hand on her thigh. Instead he placed it on her comforter in between them.
Blair breathed deeply, looking down at his hand that was currently resting between them. She knew, he knew, that she saw him do that. She also knew why. He was uncertain, he didn't want to frighten her, and that was so very unlike him. It brought out a protective side of her to see him doubt himself. "Yeah I think so anyway. I was just so overwhelmed for a moment."
Austin nodded, his heart breaking a little that she hadn't reached over and taken his hand. "I could tell." He spoke his words soft. He turned his head to the side, looking at her carefully. "Honestly darling when you started crying…well it scared the shit out of me."
Blair couldn't help her surprise, she knew the look on her face must have been strange. "That wasn't what I intended."
Austin frowned, turning his body further toward her. "I don't normally see you like that. You don't let people see you like that." He spoke with added emphasis. "So for you to break down so suddenly, I thought…well I don't know what I thought or even if I could think. I was just scared that something was horribly wrong because I knew that's the only way you'd do that."
Blair looked down at her hands, her finger twisting her ruby ring around once. "You're the second person who's said almost those exact words to me today." She spoke, thinking back to her conversation with Nate this morning. It didn't seem possible that happened only a dozen or so hours ago, she felt like she'd spent all day going through the emotional wringer.
Twisting her ring around again she took a deep breath – it was strange, Austin's presence seemed to fill her room in a way that could only remind her of what Chuck's presence did to her. Exhaling she smiled it wasn't a bad thing, for once thinking of Chuck didn't mean something was wrong or off, it simply meant that the way Austin made her feel meant something real.
"Today's an interesting day I take it." Austin spoke after watching her for a few minutes.
Blair looked up and felt herself smile. There was this twinkle in Austin's eye and part of her really just wanted to reach out and place her hand on his face to make sure he was really sitting there; this was starting to feel so surreal, that she wasn't dreaming that this is what she was feeling. "It's been unusual to say the least."
Narrowing his eyes, Austin spoke with caution. "And you're sure you're okay?"
Inhaling deeply she tried to answer his question honestly. To do that she actually had to assess what she was feeling which was something she hadn't been able to do in the last two days. No – that wasn't true. It wasn't that she couldn't do, it was something she hadn't wanted to do because she knew that it was going to hurt like hell. Closing her eyes she focused on her breathing and felt her entire body go still. She could hear her heart beating and she could feel her breathing as it pulsed through her body.
It was then that she reached out blindly and took Austin's hand; holding it in her own she flipped it and laced her fingers with his. She felt a jolt as their fingers intertwined, palms pressingly tightly against one another, and that jolt seemed to anchor her. Opening her eyes she turned and looked at him. "Right now I am." As she spoke she felt a sense of calm seep through her. She really wasn't lying, with him she feels normal and it's the first positive emotions she's felt in days.
Austin swallowed his eyes almost burning as he stared at her. He didn't want to blink, he was afraid she would disappear. He knew he was clasping her hand tightly but he didn't want her to let go, he needed this physical connection with her because right now that physical connection seemed to carry emotional weight, like it was tethering him to her. "What's going on Blair? You seemed like you were crumbling in front of me and now you seem so composed. Not that you aren't always composed but usually when you are you pull back and right now it doesn't feel like you're shutting me out."
"I'm not." Blair spoke softly. She felt herself sliding closer to him until their sides were pressed close, her hand still holding tightly to his. "It's been an emotional couple of days, capping off an emotional month. Then when I saw you, so many things hit me all at once."
Austin reached with his right hand and traced his thumb along her brow easing the line he saw there before running his hand along her cheek. He had to touch her one last time because with what he was about to say it might never happen again and he wanted a fresh memory of what it felt like. "Do you want me to go? I know you told me I had to let you go and I said I would but I couldn't do it without seeing you one more time. I couldn't let my last memory of you be us fighting."
"I don't know what's going on in your head right now, but I know you don't have to go through it by yourself. I'll do everything I can to understand and I promise I won't ever leave you. I want to be with you for forever but the ball's in your court. I told you that I could let you go, so if that's what you need I'll go; but if I go you have to know that I'm always going to be here for you." As he spoke he placed his hand on her sternum. "Right here." He added taking his hand and placing it over his own heart. "Always."
Blair's eyes widened in surprise as she looked at him. That wasn't where she thought he was going with that. When he removed his hand it felt as though he took a piece of her heart with him, almost like he was jerking it from her chest. She couldn't help the gasp that escaped her lips as she reached for his hand pulling it back to her. "No." She spoke clutching his hand tightly in her lap. "No. I don't want you to go."
The relief that washed through Austin in that moment was astounding. "Oh thank God." He breathed pulling her against him, holding her against his chest. She was still clutching one of his hands in between them but with his free hand he wrapped her tightly in his embrace.
Blair could feel her heartbeat that had been racing the past few moments slow while she was within his arms. This was different, it felt different. She didn't want it to be because of Chuck, maybe it was; but right now it felt different because of something else, it felt different because of her. She was someone new. That realization startled her as she pulled back. "I have to tell you something." She spoke before she could stop herself.
"You can tell me anything." Austin said quickly, his thumb running over her hand reassuringly. He could feel the worry that rushed through him but looking at her face he trusted her, she wasn't about to crush him.
Nodding Blair exhaled. "I'm not saying what I'm about to say to make you doubt yourself, I'm saying it because I need you to know why I can't take your ring back right now."
"Okay…" Austin spoke, his voice wary as he met her gaze.
"I've never let you in, not completely." She started, giving him a long look that asked for him to be understanding with her. She felt his eyes meet hers and in that long glance she tried to convey everything she was feeling. In that moment, she was terrified that he wouldn't understand. She might not have quite figured out her feelings yet but she knew that she had to get this out. "I have a lot of baggage, you know that."
He nodded knowingly; he'd always known that. Before they'd dated, before they'd even been friends, he'd known there was baggage. And they'd made the decision a long time ago that they both had the right to leave their baggage in the past.
Continuing, Blair swallowed tightly, this was harder than she'd thought it would be. "That baggage never really left me and it kept me from really opening myself up to you. I used it as an excuse to keep you at arm's length. For the longest time I ignored it was there at all, then when I realized I was still carrying it around with me, I left you."
Austin couldn't help his fears from flying through his brain full force. Was she leaving him again? No she'd just told him that she wanted him to stay. Then what was she saying? If she wanted him here, why couldn't they move forward?
She could see on Austin's face that he was still wondering why she was telling him this but he didn't interrupt. "What I'm telling you is that I'm letting the baggage go, or at least I'm really trying to." She saw the lift in his eyebrows and knew he had questions but she stilled him with the touch of her hand. She needed to finish this; then if he still had questions he could ask them. "What I'm saying, is that I think you deserve the chance to get the me without the baggage. I want you to know me, really know me and I want the chance to see how I feel when I'm not holding back anything back."
Austin shook his head slowly. "If you think that I'm the one that needs to figure something out, I promise you're wrong Blair. I do know you. I know you and I want to spend the rest of my life with you."
Reaching out, Blair placed a hand on the side of Austin's face. "I love that you're so certain. I really do." She paused, seeing the hope in his eyes and feeling tempted to cave; but she stopped herself before she could get the words out of her mouth. She owed this to him even if he didn't realize it and in truth she owed it to herself. "But I want to be with you with everything I am, not with parts of me. So right now there are parts that are still figuring some things out."
"So what's next?" Austin asked, reaching up with his hand to place it over hers.
At that Blair smiled. "Well right now I'm asking you to date me."
Austin couldn't help but laugh. Their relationship had never been in order – enemies, rivals, friends, lovers, friends with occasional benefits, to finally a real relationship – by the time they'd actually been in a relationship they were already so comfortable with one another that they skipped a lot of the in between and gone straight to living together. Blair had set such firm boundaries at all times and perhaps that's what she was talking about, maybe this time she was taking down the boundaries. "In that case…" Austin started dropping back to one knee. He saw the curious look on her face but he just smiled. "Blair Waldorf, how would you like to go on a first date with me?"
The emotion that hit her then was so powerful that a smile seemed to burst onto her face. "I'd really really like that."
Returning her smile Austin stood up and pulled her to her feet with him. "Good because I wasn't going to take no for an answer darling." His last words were soft as he leaned forwards tentatively, testing to see if it was okay to kiss her.
Blair smiled and reached up with one hand, wrapping her hand around his hand and pulling his face to hers. "Good." She repeated quietly, just before pressing her lips against his.
Dan exhaled as he realized the four of them were finally alone. Chuck was at the bar, Gwen was in the kitchen and Eric and Jason were occupying Gwen's friend Eli and her fiance Thomas. He'd been trying to get them in a room or at least a corner by themselves since he and Steph had gotten here but that had proven difficult. Now that they were alone he couldn't waste time; there were things they needed to get on the table while they had the chance. "Did one of you do it?" He asked, looking between Serena and Nate in turn.
Nate gestured towards Serena. His voice low when he spoke. "She asked me the same thing when she found out he was here."
Serena exhaled as her phone rang. "I need to get this, it's Blair." She spoke quickly. She knew Nate would understand, after all it had just been a couple days ago that their friend had practically been catatonic over losing Chuck and none of them had really talked to her since other than a few exchanged texts and a shopping trip to Barney's. Nate nodded and she answered. "Hey B, everything okay?"
Blair swallowed tightly, looking towards her bathroom, where Austin was currently taking a shower before she looked back towards the window. She hadn't known what to tell Serena about Austin being back so she hadn't said anything for a few days. "I have to tell you something and I'm not sure how you're going to react."
Serena's eyes widened and she sat up sharply. "Whatever you did Blair we'll fix it, though I'm really hoping this isn't the 'help me hide a body' call because I was always hoping you call someone else for that one."
"What? No. It's nothing like that." Blair said with a sharp laugh. "Though noted." Taking a deep breath she realized that actually had been the perfect ice breaker. "Austin's here. He's been here for a few days…almost a week."
Serena felt confused for only a moment before she was hit with a quick sense of dread. "Austin - as in your ex-fiance Austin?" She asked though of course she knew the answer already. She shot a glance at Nate, noting that his ears had perked up at her words.
Exhaling Blair nodded though she knew Serena couldn't see her. "Yeah, he showed up out of the blue, just sitting in my foyer."
"What are you going to do?" Serena asked quickly. "Though I can assume by the fact that you said he's still here that you haven't told him to leave yet. Unless you did and he didn't."
Blair ran a hand through her long curls. "No I haven't told him to leave yet. I'm not really sure what we're doing actually. I guess I'm seeing where this goes."
"Is that a good idea?" Serena questioned, forehead tightening. "I mean, just last week you were devastated over Chuck and now you're talking about…what? Getting back together with Austin? Marrying him?"
Blair shook her head with a sigh. "No, we're not there yet. We're trying things out, letting go and seeing what happens next. Besides Chuck and what I feel for him is irrelevant. He doesn't want me and I have to deal with that. Besides Gwen made a good point."
Serena knew her gasp was audible. "You've been talking to Gwen about this?"
"You'd be surprised." Blair spoke quickly, her voice lifting slightly. "She's intuitive. She knew a lot more about what was going on than any of us realized. Things about Austin, things about why I was back…she's been paying attention."
"So she's the one that brought this up with you?" Serena asked looking at Nate imploringly. How the hell hadn't they known about any of this? It was like there was a whole side plot none of them knew about. Sighing she conceded to just move on with the conversation. "So what did Gwen say?"
"Basically, that I was the one holding back from Austin and that's why it didn't work out, not because I was meant to be with Chuck." Blair spoke as she paced in front of her window.
Serena swallowed – that wasn't quite what she'd expected. It wasn't even something she'd really considered. "Interesting theory."
Blair paused her pacing and exhaled. "Well I owe it to myself to try. I have to try to be happy. If I don't, then it's all on me. And he's here."
"He's here is never a good reason." Serena supplied immediately.
Sighing Blair took a seat on her bed, relieved that the shower was still running. "No it's not. But he wants another shot. And I have to admit that I'm curious. I want to know if knowing things are over with Chuck changed anything for me. Maybe I wasn't all in before, maybe I never really gave things a shot."
"Seven Days." Serena snapped.
"Jesus S, it's not like I took back the ring, I'm just letting him back into my life." Blair spoke exasperated. This is why she hadn't wanted to talk to Serena about any of this; as hard as Serena had fought her on whether or not she was all in with Chuck she knew once she changed Serena's mind one direction there was no changing it back. "I know." She finally said, feeling defeated. "I know that it's too soon and I know you think I'm being selfish. But maybe now when I'm completely empty is actually the right time. I don't have to question whether or not Gwen was right; I never completely gave my heart to Austin. This time it wasn't me running away and hiding from my feelings – everything's out on the table and Chuck still doesn't want me. This time with Austin is going to be different."
"Blair…" Serena started. She didn't want Blair to be in pain, but if it didn't work the first time with Austin, she really didn't see how this time could be any different.
Blair closed her eyes and leaned her head into her free hand. "Can you please just be supportive? I'm really trying here."
Serena exhaled slowly. Blair wasn't asking her to agree with her decision, she was just asking her to be there for her. "Yeah, I can do that."
After she hung up, Serena turned towards Nate and frowned. "So Austin's here."
"I heard." Nate spoke, observing Serena carefully; she had the strangest expression on her face. "You guys sounded heated there at the end."
"Did you do it? Did you call him?" Serena questioned, ignoring what he'd actually asked.
Nate's brows rose in surprise. "What, no why would you think that?" He asked quickly.
Serena shook her head and look down at her hands before returning her gaze to Nate. It wasn't worth getting into. "He showed up here, just like we all talked about at the bar a few weeks ago. He's been here for a week and she didn't even mention it."
"Haven't you seen Blair this week?" He asked slowly, he really really didn't want to talk about who might have called Austin with Serena acting this weird about him being here.
Serena nodded. "Yeah we went to Barney's and she didn't say a word about it."
"Weird." Nate spoke, a frown forming on his face. He couldn't pretend to understand Blair but that was odd even for her. "Maybe she just wanted time to sort things through." Pausing for a moment he tilted his head. "Did she call Austin?"
Serena shook her head. "No. She said he just showed up."
"He just showed up?" Nate asked. "People don't just appear for no reason."
Serena looked at Nate and shook her head. "I didn't do it, but I really thought about it."
Nate nodded. "So did I."
Nate exhaled before taking another sip of his drink. "I really did think about it." He spoke, his voice carrying a strange intensity. "The morning after the proposal, Blair was such a mess and I was so worried about her. "I thought…what was the harm in finding out for good if it would change things for Chuck to see her with someone else. She was in so much pain…I couldn't stand it."
"Me too." Dan responded immediately. "I almost did too I mean."
Steph shook her head, barely holding back an eyeroll. "You're all crazy. I would have called him weeks ago."
Everyone's head snapped towards Steph all at once, though Dan was the first to speak. "What?"
"Okay so being Dan's editor…well I feel like I'm a scholar on your lives sometimes, as weird as that sounds. All I'm trying to say is that I know you, I know you from an outside perspective and an inside one. Shrugging Steph looked at them all in turn. "I'm just saying, you guys don't owe Gwen anything and Blair…she's your best friend. If seeing Blair with someone else has the best chance of waking Chuck up, why not give it a shot? I mean at least then you'll all know for sure."
Nate's eyes were wide as he took a step into the group. "Keep your voice down, we are after all at Chuck and Gwen's engagement party."
Steph was opening her mouth to reply when Serena cut in. "Okay. I might have called Austin."
"We are so much later than I meant to be." Blair spoke as she looked at the watch on Austin's wrist before releasing his hand.
Austin tilted his head towards her. "You meant to be late?" He asked with emphasis. He had known they were supposed to get there sometime around 7:30 and their ETA was nearing dangerously close to 8:05 but from the sounds of it Blair had actually intended for that to happen.
Blair sighed, looking briefly out the window at the blur of lights. "Dinner won't start before 8:30, I know them. There will be cocktails and appetizers for at least an hour. Besides, I'm sure we'll still beat Serena."
Austin's ears perked slightly, Blair had never talked much about her life in New York. There were things he'd picked up over the years but the last few weeks had been enlightening. He could tell that she was really trying to open up to him, talking about her past, sharing things about who she used to be, was hard for her. He knew Serena was her best friend, that they'd grown up together. Serena was now engaged to Nate who had been Blair's childhood boyfriend. Then there was Dan, the writer, the one who married an Astor. And rounding out their group was Chuck. Tonight was his engagement dinner party. A lot of guys probably would have a hard time understanding the way her friends were woven together, but he'd been raised in Charleston and New York City families certainly didn't have a monopoly on modern aristocracy.
Feeling her clutch vibrate, Blair checked her phone. Groaning she shook her head. "Or not." Looking back at Austin she shook her head. "I just got a text from Serena asking where we are."
"Why'd you want to be late anyway? I'm actually really excited to finally meet everyone; I wouldn't have even minded the cocktail hour." Austin asked easily. He'd noticed she'd taken longer to get ready than usual today but he thought it was probably nerves, this was after all her first time introducing him to her friends. But he should have known better, that was not how Blair handled nerves; no Blair didn't panic she planned.
Reaching out she took his hand in hers and met Austin's gaze. She'd been going back and forth on this all day today, well honestly she'd been thinking about it ever since she'd gotten Gwen's call almost a week ago.
"Oh good you answered, this would have been a long message." Gwen spoke, a smile clear in her voice.
Blair tried not to wince. She and Austin had put away a couple of bottles of wine last night while taking a little walk down memory lane of their own. She'd thought it would be good to ease some of the tension and expectations. It had definitely worked but now she had a hangover. Gwen was perceptive, the last thing she wanted was to sound anything less than pleasant lest Gwen think there was something to worry about. "Yeah, late night so I'm a little worn down."
Gwen nodded to herself. She wasn't entirely sure what Blair did most days now that she wasn't practically living with Dan and Steph but she didn't want to question her. Instead she plunged right in to why she was calling. "So Chuck and I are throwing an engagement dinner, just a small gathering our usual group plus a few others; you are of course invited."
"Oh." Blair spoke quickly, the air fleeing her lungs. That had been unexpected – she'd thought they'd decided not to do anything to celebrate - the news that they were had caught her off guard. "Well okay, when's the date."
"Next Friday." Gwen spoke as she wove in and out of street traffic. She had a lunch meeting to get to and the tourist crowd was moving slower than usual through midtown. "And listen, everyone there will be bringing a date."
Blair practically rolled her eyes this time. Of course everyone was bringing a date. They were all engaged or married or seriously involved and everyone was friends with everyone else's significant other. "I see." Blair spoke immediately racking her brain to think of any way of getting out of this. Gwen and Chuck's engagement dinner was not the time to introduce Austin to the world but she couldn't very well take someone else.
Gwen could sense Blair's hesitation; it was just what she'd expected. "So I thought that might be a thing so I called prepared. My friend Eli is coming and bring Thomas. I already reached out to see if maybe we could set you up with one of Thomas's friends – I would just set you up with one of Eli's but I know them all already and none of them are in your league. Thomas on the other hand has good breeding, his people would be your people, you'll get on splendidly."
Blair felt herself frowning, unsure whether or not that was a compliment or an insult. "Thanks….I think." She spoke, her voice carrying an air of confusion, before she settled on the cold hard truth of the matter. She couldn't get out of this party and she had to bring Austin – there could be no set up. "But I don't need you to find a date. I have one."
Gwen's eyes widened in surprise – now this was news. "You do?! I hadn't heard anything from anyone, are you seeing someone new?"
"No, but also yes." Blair said, laughing to herself. "I am seeing someone, but they're not exactly new."
"Oh one of your ex's from High School or College?" Gwen asked. "I heard Carter Baizen's back in town and were you the one that dated that professor, or wait was that Serena? I may be getting your ex's mixed up."
Blair shook her head, still laughing. "Serena and I both were involved with Carter, but Serena was the only one who dated a professor. Either way, no it's not someone from New York. I'm bringing Austin."
"Wait, what?" Gwen exclaimed, halting her steps in the middle of the sidewalk, ignoring the stumbling idiots who bumped into her as she did. "Did you call him? Didn't we just have this conversation last week?"
"No I didn't call him. He just showed up." Blair spoke still walking. She knew it was weird that she was telling Gwen this before she told Serena – she'd have to tell her as soon as she got off the phone – she'd just have to leave out the fact that Gwen knew first.
Gwen shook her head and started walking again. "Annnnnnd…"
"And we're giving things a shot." Blair spoke, smiling slightly to herself. This was good. Gwen would tell Chuck that she was bringing Austin to the dinner, that way Chuck would have time to prepare himself for seeing Austin and she wouldn't have to surprise him, or tell him and seem like she had an ulterior motive. She could practically hear Gwen's excitement through the phone so she steadied her own voice. "Now don't go crazy and start planning a double wedding or something – I didn't take back the ring just yet."
"No double weddings got it." Gwen spoke with a smile. This was perfect, more than that, it was perfectly perfect. Everything was going just right, Blair hadn't even had to call Austin like she'd urged her to do, but maybe she'd done some good just talking to her.
Sighing, Blair could practically hear Gwen's thoughts. "Yes I'm considering what you said…and I think maybe you were right. So I'm opening up to him and seeing where that leads."
Nodding Gwen walked into the restaurant. "Proud of you Blair. Now I've got to go, if I don't talk to you, I'll see you both next Friday – 7:30ish. Cocktails then dinner. Can't wait!"
Blair laughed as Gwen clicked off the other end, sometimes that girl was a mess.
She'd been anxious about the cocktails portion of the evening all week. That was too much conversation, too much room for error, and too high of expectations for Chuck or one of her other friends not to do something stupid. There was only so much she could expect from them in one night and when things got awkward they got dumber. No, dinner was much safer, at least that way they'd have food in front of them. But she didn't know how much info she should be giving Austin at this point. She was trying to open up, trying to let him in; so really she should at least make an effort. "This is the part where I let you in right?" She asked cautiously.
Austin nodded, pulling her closer across the seat of the car.
Taking a deep breath Blair nodded. "Nate isn't my only ex at this party."
Austin lifted his eyebrows. "Did the Dan thing extend further than just being his muse?" He remembered a New Yorker piece she'd shown him that featured her; he never knew there was more to the story.
Blair shook her head, silently cursing how flippant Austin could be sometimes. "I briefly had a bit of a flirtmance with Dan; but that's not what I'm talking about." Exhaling she nodded slowly. "Chuck and I were together for a while. It was . . . serious."
Turning his head, Austin met her gaze; his eyes searching hers. "Is that who you were seeing during your sophomore year of college, right before you came to Duke?"
"No. That was Louis Grimaldi." Blair spoke softly; uncertain if now was the right time to admit the rest. Yes she was letting Chuck go, but that didn't mean that she needed to throw Chuck under the bus. Knowing the rest would make Austin unpredictable tonight and honestly she couldn't deal with that; not on top of everything else. An unpredictable Austin was the last thing she wanted to unleash on Chuck and Gwen's engagement dinner.
"The Prince of Monaco?" Austin asked, surprise filling his voice and overriding the realization that they were on their way to her ex's engagement party.
Blair nodded her head, almost rolling her eyes. It was hard to think that at one time that had impressed her too. "We were engaged at the end of my sophomore year of college. That summer I found out I was pregnant. There was an accident and I lost the baby. That fall I started at Duke." She could have said more, maybe she should have said more; but this was really not the time. Besides she wasn't lying, she'd admitted to a serious relationship with Chuck but there was a difference between opening herself up and baring her soul.
Austin's brow furrowed as a frown settled on to his face. He'd realized when Blair had started opening up about her past that there was a lot he didn't know; but this was more than he'd expected. Blair had more than a closet full of skeletons, she had a whole damn house of them.
"More like a city full." She spoke softly.
Austin's eyes widened. "I said that…"
"Out loud. Yes." Blair responded with a small smile. He did that sometimes, yet another thing that made her skin tingle when she thought of it. There was more here than just nostalgia.
Austin smiled sheepishly before tracing a finger along her cheek, his brow furrowing once more. "And how are you? That's a lot for anyone to deal with, especially as young as you were."
Leaning into his hand Blair smiled to herself, closing her eyes for a moment. Austin relaxed her, he always did. "I like that you said 'how are you.'" She spoke calmly. "You always did know exactly how things effect me and for how long."
Placing his forehead against hers Austin smiled. "Like I said I know you. Now answer the question."
Exhaling lightly Blair nodded. "Most days I'm fine. Sometimes it's hard."
"And today?" Austin asked quietly.
"Today." Blair said with a small sigh. "Was a really good day." With that she gave him a quick kiss and pulled back.
Austin nodded. "I like this." He took her hand in his. "This whole you opening up to me thing."
"It's actually not as hard as I thought it would be." Blair was surprised at her own sincerity.
Austin looked at Blair carefully, finding a small frown on his lips. Something about the way she'd said that he didn't like; almost as though she hadn't expected him to understand, like maybe she'd thought the things she would reveal would make him love her less. "Nothing you ever say is going to make me run darling; hell at this point I'm not even sure there's something you could say that would make me walk away again."
Blair's lips parted in surprise as he took her face in his hands and placed another kiss on her lips. "What made you say that?" Blair asked suspicion clouding her voice.
"You think that I don't know the real you, so I can't possibly love you." Austin spoke knowingly, one eyebrow raised. "And I get the feeling that you think once you tell me everything I won't love you." When Blair's brows lifted in surprised confirmation Austin mouth pressed into a determined line. "I'm skipping past the fact that I find that offensive. Even the notion that I don't know the real you is bad enough, but I know that I love you even through whatever this horrible thing is that you're so worried about telling me. It hurts that you doubt that."
"I'm sorry." Blair started before Austin cut her off.
"No, my turn to talk Blair. You can't control how you feel, you can't control what you're afraid of; I'm just telling you how it makes me feel, so don't apologize." Austin spoke quickly. "I'm worried about you though. I'm worried about why you think so little of yourself. You're so amazing and you don't even see it. And all these horrible things that have happened to you, things that are part of the past; you drag them around with you like some kind of punishment. None of those things that are holding you back are going to make me love you less, none of them."
Blair could feel a tear stinging behind her eyes as she looked at Austin carefully. That was the second time since coming back that he'd said something that had managed to shake her to her core. For the longest time she'd thought that only Chuck could really see her, it was taking her some time to realize that Austin saw her too, maybe more than she'd ever realized. Now they'd just have to get through this first dinner because maybe she did have a city full of skeletons but tonight they'd all be sitting around the dinner table.
Once again all heads quickly turned, this time towards Serena. "What?" Nate asked, eyes bugging from his head. "You said…"
"I know what I said." Serena said with an exhale. "And I wasn't really lying." She could feel all of their gazes on her and was immediately nervous. "I hung up right away, I didn't even let him answer. But maybe he thought I was Blair and that's why he came." She spoke quickly.
Dan's brow furrowed. That didn't quite make sense; but that was Serena, she never quite made sense. "Why would he think that?"
Serena swallowed tightly. "Because I might have called from her house phone."
"SERENA!" Nate hissed clutching her elbow. "What were you thinking?"
This time Steph did roll her eyes. "Come on guys, chill out. For all you know Austin doesn't even have Blair's home number."
Dan shrugged. "This is true, but the New York area code calling and hanging up was probably enough to do it." He spoke pointedly looking back to Serena.
Serena's eyes narrowed as she met Nate and Dan's in turn. "Seriously stop being so judgey. Both of you. It's not like I did anything that the two of you hadn't planned to do yourself." She watched the almost sheepish look come over their faces as she continued. "That's right, I overheard your little conversation in the bathroom a few weeks ago...3 days, right?"
Dan composed himself first. "In all fairness we did decide to wait a couple weeks instead before doing anything. And we were going to tell you eventually."
Nate nodded in solidarity but Serena just rolled her eyes. "It doesn't really matter; at that point it was already done."
Steph lifted her brows as she looked to Serena. "I'm actually surprised and strangely proud." She spoke with a small laugh. "So when exactly did you do it?"
"It was only the day before." Serena spoke softly. "Blair was practically comatose and I didn't know what to do. I had assumed it had something to do with Chuck but I didn't know what. I did it without even thinking."
Nate and Dan couldn't help but nod in understanding. So they'd all been on the same page it seemed. Serena was right, it wasn't fair to place the blame; this was on all of them, however it shook out. Looking to Nate, Dan felt himself almost laughing. "So what did Chuck do when you told him Blair was bringing Austin tonight?"
A frown immediately formed on Nate's face. "I didn't tell Chuck anything."
All eyes shifted towards Nate like clockwork though Steph was the first to form words. "Oh this is going to be good."
Dan ran his hand quickly over his face. "What do you mean you didn't tell him?"
"Oh no, you don't get to act like that." Nate spoke, voice hushed. "This was not on me. Besides I told them both I wouldn't interfere. If I did tell Chuck that Austin and Blair were back together he'd think I'd done it with an ulterior motive - he knows I've lied for her before, I doubt he trusts me to be on his side when it comes to Blair. Besides I kind of assumed Gwen would do it."
Steph's brows shot up. "Gwen knows?"
Nate shrugged. "I think she does. I mean Chuck thought that Gwen's friend Thomas was bringing Blair a date; I'm guessing Blair had to tell Gwen to cancel that little setup."
"This is going to be a really awkward dinner." Dan replied with a shake of his head. "Look at Chuck, he's not even tense. He's either wasted or he doesn't know."
Serena shook her head. "Or he doesn't care."
Nate shook his head. "No, even if he didn't give a shit about Blair – which we all know he does – this wouldn't be easy for him. Chuck's a proprietary guy; he's never liked people touching things that are his, even if he doesn't want them anymore. Right now he's totally at ease."
"Well it can't be any more awkward than our engagement party." Serena spoke quickly, not wanting to address the primal nature of Nate's comment; a comment that had unnerved her.
"At your engagement at least they just didn't talk to each other, watching them trying to navigate this could be so much worse." Dan frowned as he heard the sound of the elevator humming beside him. "They're here – unless we're missing someone else that is."
Steph couldn't help the laughter that peeled from her. "I might be a horrible person for saying this but I am so freaking excited."
Chuck lifted the decanter slowly and checked the coloring of the scotch – this was a good bottle, he needed to ask the caterer what it was so he could have a few bottles stocked. He quickly glanced back towards the main room, everyone was acting strange tonight; probably anticipating another event with him and Blair in the same place. The last few they'd been forced to witness had been…awkward at best.
He hadn't actually seen Blair in two weeks; not since he walked away from her the morning he proposed to Gwen. He felt his eyes narrow as the memory slipped through his system causing his shoulders to tighten. That was not something he wanted to think about – it had been hard to hurt her like that, hard to throw it all on the table; but it had also been right, for both of them.
Everyone had been telling him over and over that she was fine but after the incident with Nate lying for her, he wasn't sure that any of them could actually be trusted to tell him the truth when it came to Blair. They were his friends but they were hers too and at this point he'd asked them all not to meddle – so he couldn't really be mad when they refused to give him the information he wanted.
So while the distance has been good - it's been the right thing considering he couldn't confuse her by showing up around her and there hasn't been a good reason for them to be in the same room - he's glad he'll finally get to see for himself that she's okay. Once he does, once he knows for sure that she's not broken inside because of him, this feeling inside of him will finally go away.
He didn't want to admit how worried he's been or how much it hurt to witness her pain even from far away; but he was worried, he couldn't help it. On some level there will always be a part of him that worried, a part that had to know she was okay. Right now that part of him was eating away at the rest of him. That part was sick with dread and it was making its presence known.
But it was fine. It was fine because after tonight he'd be okay again. The feeling would go away and everything could finally move forward.
Chuck smiled as he felt Gwen approaching. "Can I offer you a glass?" Turning his head he grinned, he could see her smirk from the corner of his gaze. Gwen shot whiskey and would share a glass of scotch with him on occasion but he knew better than to offer her scotch at a dinner party. She surprised him when she reached forward and took his.
Lifting the glass to her nose, Gwen twirled the amber liquid. "Smells nice."
Pouring himself another glass, Chuck turned towards her. "It is. I'm definitely asking the caterer for the vintage."
Taking a sip Gwen closed her eyes, savoring the woodsy burn,"This is good."
As Gwen opened her eyes, Chuck smiled before tilting his head towards the group in the attached room. "What are the birds chirping about tonight? I haven't seen them this gossipy since Dan's first book." His eyes drifted amongst their friends gathered in a tight circle. Glancing further towards the door he saw Eric and Jason with Eli and Thomas and his brow furrowed. "Even those four seem to be chattering, though of course it's the usual suspects that are suspicious."
"Blair's late." Gwen spoke with a shrug.
"So?" Chuck asked, eyebrow cocked.
Gwen frowned as she met Chuck's gaze; her eyes quickly searching his. "You don't know?" She asked, tentatively testing the waters.
Chuck cocked his head. "If I knew, I wouldn't need to ask now would I?"
Gwen exhaled slowly. This would not have been her choice for how to break this news to Chuck; in fact she hadn't planned to be the one to do this, she'd anticipated that Nate would have said something by now and he would have had time to digest it. No, telling her fiancé that his ex was bringing one of her more recent exes to their engagement dinner and that they would be there any moment would not be what she planned; but at this point she didn't have a choice. "Blair's bringing a date."
Chuck nodded, shooting Gwen what he knew was a strange look. "Thomas's friend right? That's what has them so worked up?" This was excessive for something so minor.
Gwen shook her head cautiously. "No that didn't happen; Blair's bringing her own date."
"Okay, Blair dates, so what? She's a pretty woman, she's never had a shortage of suitors." Chuck spoke with a shrug; though even as he did he could feel a sense of alarm creeping up his spine. Something about this situation was off.
"It's more who she's bringing…" Gwen started.
"Who is it?" Chuck asked quickly cutting in. He was getting annoyed, especially as the alarm he'd sensed was now ringing loud and clear in his ears causing a strange pounding of his pulse.
Gwen took a deep breath to answer but before she had the chance she heard it. Oh fuck, she muttered to herself as she spun towards Thomas who had Blair's date pulled into what could only be called a bro hug.
"AUSTIN?! Austin Davenport?" Thomas's voice boomed through the apartment.
Chuck's head snapped immediately from making eye contact with Gwen to the door where the alarm suddenly made sense.
Blair brought her ex fiancé.
Dun dun duunnnnnn...SO here we go. Next chapter is the dinner party, where we'll finally get Chuck, Blair, Austin, Gwen (and everyone else) all in the same place :) Any bets on what goes down? Is Chuck really going to be a cool customer through the whole thing? Or will seeing Blair with Austin set him off? And how's Austin going to deal with meeting Chuck? He's definitely got some rough waters to navigate himself...
Anyways - hope you enjoyed this chapter. Reviews are love.
xoxo
kate