Alright, I know it's short and after such a long break, I owe you a longer chapter. That said, this one is setting up the next few and they are very long, very meaty, and I think you'll all really enjoy them.

To all my reviewers, I love you guys, thanks so much for sticking with the story. I promise I'm going to see it through to the end (eventually).

Rated: High T for language but be forewarned the next ones are most definitely M rating.

Special thanks to my beta kosoul7 who puts up with my crazy and has been an excellent sounding board through some somewhat difficult chapters to write.

The song in this chapter is Black Roses from the TV Show Nashville.

Chapter 27: Burnt to Ashes

She hadn't slept in so long her eyes were burning from being open. Her entire body ached with exhaustion but her brain wouldn't slow down long enough for her to fall asleep. The churning in her stomach certainly wasn't helping matters either.

She thought she would cry the moment the cab door closed when she left the restaurant. Tears had been hovering so close to the surface lately that she thought it was a certainty. It was puzzling when they didn't. She must have been in shock because once the cab door closed she didn't really feel anything at all. It was about 30 minutes later when Austin got home.

They'd talked. He'd asked about what happened. Apparently, they'd told him she didn't feel well. That wasn't a lie, she felt like crap. He was…less concerned than she imagined he would be if he believed that's why she'd left. For a moment she'd contemplated lying. In the end she'd wanted what Serena had said to be true, she wanted to try, so she told him the truth, or at least a version of it.

She explained how upset Chuck was after Somebody That I Used To Know, how he'd stayed at the mic to sing a second song meant to be cruel to both of them. She detailed how she'd run out of the restaurant and Chuck had followed her, only to have another heated argument. She promised that this time it hadn't escalated beyond that. She glazed through the arguments outside, but she did tell him what Serena had said about recognizing that she was trying. She wanted him to know that even her friends could see she was different this time. She wanted to be different.

He held her while they talked. Told her everything was okay, that he understood, that she could cry if she needed to, that he would be there while she worked things through. He told her he got how overwhelmed she must be and offered to cancel his trip or to leave her alone. She let him hold her and offer his comfort, she didn't ask him to go. She still didn't cry. And even after Austin dozed off she didn't sleep.

He left 20 min ago after asking one more time if she wanted him to stay. She told him to go see his family. Just before he left, she stopped him to say words she knew he dreaded to broach. That was fine, she had done it for him. After she finished talking, his smile had been blinding. Kissing him quickly, she smiled at herself, proud for really trying.

She lay back down on her bed. The sun still wasn't up and she still couldn't fall asleep. Her body was stiff, while her mind raced in and around the decision she'd made. Austin had been so good last night, really he'd always been good to her but last night he'd proven no matter what she told him he wasn't going to be scared away. He'd been so patient and so understanding, even as she talked through her conflicted feelings. He was so much more than she deserved but she knew he was hers; his heart was in her hands and she wasn't going to hurt him if it were in her power not to.

Guilt still wormed its way into her brain from that angry passion she still felt for Chuck and last night it was more prevalent than ever. Coupled with that was the destruction that they brought everywhere they went. They didn't know how not to break.

Exhaling slowly, realizing sleep was not in the cards, she reached into her bedside drawer and pulled out her laptop. There were things she needed to say to Chuck, things she needed to explain. He deserved more than an email but she didn't trust herself with him anymore. It was clear earlier that she couldn't articulate what she needed to when she was in the same room as him. And the simple sound of his voice had power over her. Opening her account, she took a deep breath and did something she hadn't done outside of school in years. She wrote an email.

To: Chuck Bass
From: Blair Waldorf
Monday 7/20/2015, 4:23am
Subject Line:

Chuck,

I can't talk to you. I don't know how. When I'm with you, all of my careful words and common sense flees me and I'm left with nothing but raw emotions and stupid words that don't chain together the way they should.

And I don't know how to help you believe this but I need you to know that it wasn't for revenge. There was never a moment that it was. I never wanted to cause you pain; I still don't. I needed to leave and that was the explanation you supplied. I knew that because you supplied it, it was what you must fear the most, so I allowed you to believe it. I shouldn't have then and I certainly shouldn't have let you continue believing it for so long.

I need you to know that it wasn't for revenge and that I'm done messing up your life. Austin and I are going back to California next month, I'm not going to stay, this very clearly isn't where I belong anymore.

Always,
Blair Waldorf

Taking another deep shuddering breath, she pressed send on the email. Doing so seemed to quiet her mind, though not enough for sleep. Rather it had focused her thoughts into one place. Chuck had deserved to know and if she held off, she might never have told him. The moment she'd sent the email she'd known it was the right decision, just as she'd known this morning when she'd told Austin that she wasn't going to transfer to Columbia, that she would be going back with him to Stanford at the end of August.

Resigned to the fact that she wasn't going to be getting any sleep she stood, she went in search of her phone. She knew it was dead, it had died on the way home and she hadn't bothered to charge it. She'd needed the respite disconnecting had offered. Pulling it from her bag, she plugged it in and waited. She knew once it loaded there'd be a barrage of text messages. Serena and Dan apologizing for the mess they'd made, Steph and Nate checking in to be sure she was okay, Austin looking for her when he came back to the restaurant, and maybe even texts from Chuck or Gwen regarding the aftermath of the evening. As her phone powered on, these were all there but one message seemed to stand out above the rest. As she saw it, she felt her heart clench so painfully she thought it might break.

Spotted: B, C, S, N, D + SA engaged in a knockdown drag-out drunken brawl on the street on the LES. No word yet on just what our favorites were arguing about, first one to find out and let me know gets a cookie! Is it bad that I hope they all stay mad for a while? Too much friendship just isn't good for my drama meter. I want at least another good fight out of this before any makeups. Have I mentioned lately how excited I am to have B back? Never change babe. Here's hoping she sticks around and doesn't let A drag her back to boring California.

xoxo
Gossip Girl

A scream tore from her chest as she ripped her phone from her charger and slung it across the room. She hated that bitch. As far as she knew Gossip Girl had all but retired; but her return to the city seemed to have awakened the beast once more.

As the initial anger subsided she couldn't help the guilt that remained in its stead. It seemed to wash through her, tainting her every breath. Without thinking she found herself walking towards the staircase and making her way into the living room. Flicking on the lamp by her piano she grabbed her notebook from the bench and took a seat.

Everything was going up in flames and it was all their fault. Hers and Chuck's. Their connection used to be so strong, they could have an entire conversation without saying a word, they'd been teammates. Not anymore. She was right, all they ever did was break.

I can see your eyes staring into mine
But it's a battlefield and you're on the other side.

Everything was going up in flames, for the third time. And this time it was every nightmare she'd ever had come true. She and Chuck weren't destroying themselves, they were setting fire to everything and everyone around them too.

She'd seen his eyes tonight. The anger he felt towards her wasn't going anywhere. The only way she knew to help him now was to remove herself from this situation. It didn't matter that she felt more passion when they were arguing tonight that she did in any other aspect of her life. That passion was tainted with a darkness that couldn't be controlled. That darkness would eat them alive over and over again; and they'd let it happen.

You can throw your words sharper than a knife
and leave me cold in another house on fire

She knew what that passion felt like when it was good; but she knew its effects when it was destructive too. All he'd wanted tonight was to destroy her. Well that wasn't entirely true, she knew by his words, almost pleading at times that a part of him wanted her to destroy him too. If they destroyed each other then there'd be nothing left to hurt, nothing left to ache, nothing left to cause them pain.

That was it. What they do, who they are, is simply destructive. And while a part of her couldn't let go of the fact that maybe if they would just let themselves be together that wouldn't be the case; a much bigger part was screaming from the inside that it had always been this way. They crash and they burn and they destroy everything in their wake. And tonight she stood by and watched as it happened.

I lay low, lay low
and watch the bridges burn
I lay low, lay low
what more could I have done

And their friends…they didn't ask for this. Dan, Serena, Nate, even Steph, they'd tried to be supportive but now they were caught up in this too. Last night she'd stood there while Nate and Serena had leveled horrible accusations at each other. She could practically hear the echo of Nate's voice as he told Serena he didn't know who she was.

And Steph…she'd heard what Steph asked Dan, her horrified voice as she begged Dan to say that his interference wasn't in any way related to the book he must now be writing. Blair knew Dan, which meant she knew him well enough to know that as pure as he thought his intentions were, the existence of a book 4 mattered. And it would matter to Steph.

Now you only bring me black roses
and they crumble into dust when they're held

And through it all she'd just stood there and watched the fires all around her burn. It was like they just lit the match and absolved themselves from the result. Everything around them was falling apart and it was all their fault.

Yet last night arguing with Chuck she hadn't cared: not about her friends, not about Austin, all she'd cared about was coming out on top, letting out all the anger that had been brewing as a result of his rage. When he'd unleashed on her, she'd done the same. And she couldn't stop.

Now you only bring me black roses
Under your spell

It was almost as though being with Chuck landed her in some kind of hypnotic trance. She'd always described them as magnets, drawn to each other across a room, across space, hell across time. It was almost supernatural the way they seemed to gravitate towards one another, unable to stay out of the other's sphere of influence for any length of time without immense pain.

She was the princess and he was the prince, and this was their fairy tale, theirs alone. And their love was so great, so magical and unmatched, that nothing would ever defeat it.

She told me twice all her good advice
But I couldn't see I was clouded by your lies

But Serena had been right all along. She'd always said that they were going to ruin everything; destroy themselves and everyone around them. She'd told her to stop living in a fairy tale then; the first time, when she'd told her to leave.

Then the second she'd told her not to come back. She'd told her coming back would only destroy everything again. She was right. She'd always been right.

You'll be smoke, a vision she foretold
she said stay away that boys a warning sign

Blair just couldn't see it then. She was sure she'd run for other reasons; out of fear of how powerful their love was, jealousy that he got to be powerful when she didn't because it always felt like she was sacrificing her life for his, and loneliness, a loneliness she still didn't speak of, her secret alone to bear.

Then she'd stayed gone, too humiliated that he'd moved on; too scared that once more she'd be the one left feeling rejected. But through all of that she wasn't sure she'd ever believed that the real problem was how they destroyed everything around them; not just themselves.

I lay low, lay low
and watch the bridges burn

Sure that had been her nightmare, the reoccurring one that had started in the Hamptons. Everyone abandoning her because her love for Chuck had torn everything else to ash. But it had always been her own fear of getting hurt that kept her running. At least that's what she'd always told herself.

This was a revelation. That her deepest fear wasn't that she was going to get hurt or hurt Chuck, rather that Serena had been right all this time. That all they ever did was destroy and that together, they really did ruin everything.

Now you only bring me black roses
and they crumble into dust when they're held
Now you only bring me black roses
Under your spell

Everything they felt for each other overpowered everything else in their lives. Friends and family and careers be damned; nothing really mattered as long as they were together. When they were together they were blinded to the rest.

Their love couldn't be defeated, couldn't be destroyed. Even if it should be.

And I'm done trying to be the one picking up the broken pieces
And I'm done trying to be the one who says I love you dear but I'm leaving

They weren't the good guys, the prince and princess, the heroes that saved the day.

They were the villains: the evil witch, the mad king and the monster that went bump in the night all rolled into one. Their love story…it wasn't a fairy tale; it was a fucking nightmare.

Now you only bring me black roses
and they crumble into dust when they're held

What Chuck had said standing in this very room came to mind once more. They really were a disease. Except now instead of killing each other, they were killing everyone else.

But she was done. She had to be done. They couldn't keep doing this, not to themselves and not to their friends.

Now you only bring me black roses
but I'm not under your spell

Now the words that had so easily become lyrics; pouring from her somewhat unbidden began to rip straight from her soul. Almost in a prayer.

She had to free herself from this. If she didn't, there wouldn't be anything left. Not for her, not for Chuck, not for any of them.

I'm not under your spell
I'm not under your spell
I'm not under your spell

She had to be strong, she had to be.

And yet she wasn't. She wasn't free of him, of what they did yet and she knew it. And with that thought her last words were practically a sob.

I'm still under your spell

He still owned her. All of her. She still belonged to him and the darkness inside her told her that would never change.

Dan wiped his eyes once as he stood before the large cedar doors that led into Chuck's office. It was early, somewhere around 6. But he knew Chuck was here. Because much like he'd been up all night, he knew he wasn't the only one. And if Chuck were at home Gwen would see and she would suspect.

Chuck's assistant wasn't here yet so he would have to just knock; but he paused for one moment before he did. If he did this, there was no going back.

Serena had pushed things too far last night, he'd helped her get everyone there but he didn't realize quite what she had in store. Not that he shouldn't realize by now that Serena always went one step too far. Last night left him no choice, except to tell the truth. All of it. But once he did this, everything was going to change. The foundation that they'd all been standing on for the last four years would shift, and crack, and crumble.

Lifting his hand, he knocked. This had to be done. It was time. Blair might want Chuck to learn to want her on his own but he'd never do that if he kept hating her for things she'd never done. He didn't know the whole story and it was time that changed.

Hearing Chucks raspy voice on the other side biding him entry he exhaled deeply before walking in.

Chuck's brow had furrowed with the knock. It wasn't like he was doing anything important. No he wasn't doing anything but sitting here stewing in the dumpster fire they'd all created; as Gossip Girl had so eloquently phrased it. But he didn't know who would be here this early in the morning.

He tensed in preparation, the only person he could really imagine showing up here now was Blair and he dreaded that confrontation.

When Humphrey's head popped into view he exhaled, relaxing into his seat, of course it was Dan. He told himself the feeling washing through him was relief, even if the clenching of his stomach indicated it was something a lot closer to disappointment. Forcing it down he tilted his head back. "Come to finish that conversation we started last night?" Chuck asked, eyes glinting even through his sleep deprived haze.

Taking a few steps forwards Dan nodded slowly, his hand reaching inside his messenger bag. Showing was always easier than telling. Pulling from it his newly printed manuscript, covered in post it notes and scribbled lines he placed it on the table in front of Chuck feeling the weight as he bared his soul and Blair's. "You need to read this."

Chuck's eyebrows shot upwards as his spine straightened. He gazed down at the thick stack of papers then back up at Dan but didn't touch it, almost as though doing so might burn him…maybe it would. "Is that?" He asked carefully.

Dan nodded. "Yes. I've been making annotations for a few days but I was up all night last night finishing them." Seeing the look of confusion on Chuck's face he continued. "The book's done but I wanted it to be absolutely clear what's truth and what's fiction. So I did this…" He said gesturing down to the manuscript. He'd been working on this since he spoke with Serena but he'd barely been a third of the way in before last night. He wasn't going to let another day go by with them at each other's throat so he'd stayed up all night and finished it.

Chuck looked down at the manuscript once more; seeing again the post it notes and dog-eared pages but making no move to touch it, still staring as though it might grow teeth and bite him.

Dan let Chuck sit with his words for a moment before meeting his gaze. "You're going to have questions after you read this." He spoke, his words careful. "When you do, I'm here for you; but I don't think I'm the person you really need to talk to."

Chuck swallowed tightly, already feeling a stinging building behind his eyes as his heart gave one painful throb after the next, filling his ears and clouding his senses. Dan's tone…was terrifying. The way he was speaking felt as though he knew that this book, would change everything. Tensing he asked the question he knew he must. "And it's all true?"

"Yeah Chuck, it's all true…" Dan paused, his throat clenching tightly. He knew that if he were going to own up before letting Chuck read then now was the time. "And there's something in there I haven't told Blair about yet." He gestured downward. "You'll know it when you read it." He supplied, answering Chuck's unspoken question.

"I thought she already read the book." Chuck spoke, surprise lightening his features slightly, even as he cocked his head in suspicion.

Dan's mouth twisted to the side. "She did. But some things, some things were added late. Some she knows because she came to me with them. Others I pushed her to admit. And I guess I just figured that if I were asking for that kind of honesty from her, I had to give her the same courtesy."

Chuck frowned. "You aren't going to tell me what it is."

Shaking his head, Dan took a step backward almost subconsciously. "No, I don't think I want to be anywhere near you when you find out."

Chuck's eyes narrowed as the thrumming of his pulse seemed to increase to decibel levels he didn't know were possible. His hands began to shake as he reached for the papers in front of him, but drew them back as Dan spoke again.

"Chuck, just know that the role I played. I am sorry. I know that I was wrong. I think part of me writing this book was my way of trying to fix what I'd done." Dan swallowed shaking his head knowing he was babbling. "I'm just…sorry."

Eyebrows lifting once more Chuck felt his voice more than he heard it. "What did you do Humphrey?"

Closing his eyes Dan taped the manuscript twice before stepping away. "Just read it…"

Chuck watched Dan leave before exhaling shakily; not realizing that he'd been holding his breath.

You're angry at her for all the wrong reasons.

He eyed the manuscript before him, hands shaking as they seemed to inch towards it.

Fuck I'm not even sure you're angry at the right people.

Based on Dan's words from last night and then again today it was clear he counted himself amongst those Chuck should be angry at. Part of him didn't want to know; didn't want the responsibility of knowing. Not when it could change the very foundation of everything he thought he knew.

This stack of papers before him contained truths he'd longed to hear and answers to questions he never even knew to ask. The manuscript was the biblical apple in the Garden of Eden. Once he bit in there was no going back.

With shaking hands he pulled it to him and flipped open the first page. His fingers scrolled lightly across the title. "The Life, Lies, and Loves of the Mysterious Bianca Windsor." It was a long title, Chuck thought to himself. Dan should fix that. That's when he saw his first post it note, "Changing the title. Going to just be Bianca Windsor is a Liar. Reading the note, Chuck couldn't help but smirk practically seeing the stylization in his head.

With that he turned the page, exhaling before allowing his eyes to focus on the words before him.

Looking in the mirror of her vanity, Bianca tilted her head first one way, then the other, to see her tiara from each angle. After all a Queen must always ensure it was perfectly placed amongst her glossy curls, before leaving the confines of her castle to preside over her kingdom.

In reality her crown was nothing more than a headband, her castle an Upper East Side apartment, and her kingdom more commonly referred to as high school.

Lifting her gaze to the mirror her eyes locked with her reflection and glared before speaking. "Oh shut up with your infernal babbling Dylan. This is my story and I'm going to tell it however I fucking want, got it?" With that, her glare softened, her eyes lit up, and she smirked.

He'd only made it five lines in when he pulled out his phone and fired off an email to his assistant.

To:
From:
Monday 7/20/2015, 6:18am
Subject Line: URGENT: Today's Calendar

Hold all phone calls and cancel all meetings today.
No exceptions.

C Bass
CEO Bass Industries

As he fired off the email he saw something else in his inbox. An email from Blair. His finger itched, tempted to see what she wanted to say to him. What she thought was important enough to email his work, ensuring he'd see it. Instead he clicked off his monitor and yanked the cord from his desk phone.

Before he could do that, before he could do anything else. He needed to know.

Dan stood on the edge of the park, now that he'd left the book with Chuck he almost didn't know what to do with himself. A huge weight had been lifted from his shoulders and yet its remnants felt like a dark stain that would only grow as Chuck learned what had been kept from him.

Wandering slowly, his brain couldn't help but go back to something, something he'd almost forgotten. Last night as he'd poured through the book, scribbling furiously in the margins, something had struck him like a bell ringing out the time. Something about the story as Blair told it still didn't match up completely. He knew that there were external forces at play and that was one thing, but there was a lie that had been hanging in the air since Blair had first uttered it.

Mr. Davidson wasn't her travel agent. He couldn't pretend that the entire time he'd been rereading the name hadn't kept resurfacing in his brain. Even now as he wandered along the park it still stuck out to him. The first time he'd asked Chuck, he genuinely believed that he didn't know who Mr. Davidson was, but more recently when he'd mentioned the name Chuck had deflected; which meant, Chuck had remembered.

With all the truths she'd told why had she lied about this one detail? The only reason would be if there were something she wanted to hide, something they both did. So the question then begged, who could Blair have been calling in the Hamptons and after his wedding, that she and Chuck would want to keep secret.

Dan almost stumbled as the strangest thought crossed his brain…Mr. Davidson could be Blair's attorney, perhaps a divorce attorney? If Chuck and Blair had been more than engaged, if they'd been married, that would explain why she might change her mind about something in the Hamptons…

But even as he thought it he laughed it off. Chuck and Blair weren't married, that was too much of a literary stretch, even for him.

I didn't want to spoil what was coming in the intro but as you can all see, the chapters I referenced earlier are Dan's book about Blair that I've been hinting at for ages now. I know several of you have been questioning some things about Dan's book for a while now, don't worry you're all getting your answers. Starting with why Blair REALLY left in the first place...

The next 4 or so chapters are already completely written with at least 2 more getting close to done. So the next update will be super soon and because of the emotional weight of these chapters, I'm going to try to keep them close together.

Also - I originally used actual email address totally forgetting that those get removed so instead of address's to and from we just get names...oh well.

Reviews are love.

xoxo
Kate