Chapter 5: No Forever

Ianto had never been jealous of the Doctor.

No, really.

He'd been a little uncertain of Jack and the Doctor's relationship, when Jack had first begun to be truthful with him, but with time, learning more and more, that uncertainty had faded. Ianto was now entirely confident that Jack was committed to their relationship, time-travelling aliens or no.

It helped that Jack, once he'd decided to start telling the truth, had been nothing but brutally honest about he and the Doctor's past, as much as he could be.

Ianto had been assured from the start that nothing serious had ever happened between them. The most they'd done, according to Jack, was have a drunken make-out session, which had apparently happened so long ago that Jack thought it pretty likely the Doctor had cast it out of his mind entirely.

Jack did divulge that things might have gone farther, since they had, in fact, liked each other quite a bit, if not for two very important factors. The first was that Jack had, quite literally, passed out on top of the Doctor halfway through, promptly ending any blooming romance.

The second was that the Doctor had been, at the time, incredibly invested in someone else. And while Jack did not keep it a secret that he was open to all types of relationships, the Doctor hadn't been, and the girl he was chasing after hadn't been terribly keen, either, although she'd liked Jack well enough.

So, even though Ianto had never been the jealous type, necessarily, any potential issues had been put to bed by this knowledge.

That was, until he'd started to learn a few more things about the Doctor, things Jack hadn't mentioned. And until he'd started to see the two of them interact more and more.

It started when Amy and Rory left; a rather casual goodbye, apparently only necessary because they had "real lives" to attend to on the side. They promised to be back soon. Ianto, who had begun to find that he and Rory got on rather well, was disappointed to see them go, but their departure also meant that the TARDIS' halls were a little quieter, something he had to admit that he enjoyed. And with Amy gone, there was one less person cajoling the Doctor into going on potentially dangerous adventures, meaning they ended up just a little bit safer at the end of the day.

However, it also meant that the Doctor's only close friend around was Jack.

The day after Amy and Rory left, the Doctor popped his head into the kitchen at lunchtime, calling for Jack.

Ianto looked on, amused, as Jack spoke around his mouthful of bread and turkey. "What?"

"Help me," the Doctor commanded, and then disappeared as quickly as he'd come, and with just as little explanation.

Ianto almost expected some kind of argument or complaint, but Jack simply shook his head, smiling, and finished off his sandwich. "I'll be back," he assured, pecking absently at Ianto's cheek on his way out the door.

"Wonder what that's about," Trish said. She leaned her head on her hand thoughtfully, peering at the door as if it might give her an answer.

"God knows," Jessica mumbled, voice muffled inside that day's third cup of coffee. "Probably something ridiculous." Luke smirked into his own mug.

"Remember the toaster oven?" Trish asked, as if they could forget.

"Do I," Ianto said. Trish laughed at him. He liked Trish. She was nice and personable, but not fake. He was pretty sure that she was a celebrity of some kind, but he couldn't place her face, and it hardly mattered at this point, anyway. Jessica was more rough around the edges, but she'd never treated either Ianto or Jack unkindly, so he had nothing against her. Luke was more of the strong and silent type, but he'd made some sarcastic comments hilarious enough to make even Jack balk in disbelief.

They all got on quite well, all things considered.

This turned out to be extremely fortunate, as Ianto lost track of Jack for a good three hours. When he finally decided it had been far too long, and he was starting to get worried, he found the two of them half-buried in dust-covered artifacts in some long-forgotten broom cupboard of a room.

Ianto hovered in the doorway as the two others, with their backs to him, tossed something back and forth as if it might explode in their hands. "Jack," he said, finally.

The Doctor flung the thing at him in something of a wild startle, and it was only by sheer luck that Ianto managed to catch it. "Ianto!" he called, sounding surprised but not upset by the new addition to...whatever this was. "What's going on?"

"I just came to find Jack," Ianto said, trying to make himself sound far less relieved and annoyed than he was. He handed the object - large, dark, and square, but unexpectedly light - back to the Doctor. "You've been gone for awhile."

Jack looked appropriately guilty, but the Doctor had no such remorse. "We got a bit sidetracked," the Doctor admitted. "Look at this place!" He picked something else off of the floor - this one spherical, looking to be covered in glitter.

"Looks like a broom closet," Ianto said.

"Apparently this is a bunch of stuff the Doctor was supposed to sort through about four hundred years ago," Jack snickered.

"Or seven hundred," the Doctor muttered. He tapped on the sphere, and a hole opened up in it, large and black. Unperturbed, the Doctor reached an arm in, up to the elbow, far deeper than he should have been able to fit.

"They're Time Lord storage bins," Jack explained to Ianto, with a wry smile. "We'll be here all week, at this rate."

Ianto nodded, but his heart wasn't in it.

Jack had talked about the Doctor quite a bit. He'd mentioned he was from an ancient race, that he was pretty long-lived, that he was knowledgeable and powerful, and, despite all appearances, could come up with some impressive bits of wisdom when the situation called for it.

Maybe Ianto had known that the Doctor was basically immortal, but it hadn't...registered. Not like the Doctor mentioning seven hundred years like it was five made it register.

The Doctor produced an entire comforter from the container, like a magician pulling a stream of ribbon out of his mouth. Hand-over-hand, until the entire thing in its blue-striped glory was spread over the closet and spilling into the hallway. The Doctor then peered inside the sphere again, and hummed. "I think there's an entire bed-set in there," he said. "Interesting."

"Including the frame?" Jack wondered, already leaning in to look for himself.

Ianto shook his head, searching for something to say that wouldn't give away his thoughts. "So this is going to take awhile?" he guessed.

"Hopefully," the Doctor said. "Not to be rude, but you people are boring."

"There's nothing wrong with being safe," Jack countered. "And you know just as well as I do that you don't have the best track record for keeping your companions out of trouble."

The Doctor mumbled a bitter agreement, ducking his head back into the sphere. "I think I'd be able to crawl in here," he announced. His voice echoed. He popped back up, pointing at Jack with a cartoonish sort of scowl. "And you can't lock living things in these, so don't even try."

Jack raised his hands in surrender. "Alright, alright. No pranks." He turned one of his blinding grins at Ianto. "Would've been a good one, though."

Although Ianto's mind still churned, he could still manage a responding smile. One he thought was pretty genuine. A Jack-smile could do that to you.

The Doctor crawled inside the sphere, and could be heard clamoring around inside it for several minutes. Ianto could do little else but stare at the impossible object, which was now perched precariously atop the mountain of similar containers and a few stray knick-knacks. Not long after, he emerged, rumpled but grinning. "All safe!" he declared. "Let's dump 'er."

"You're just going to dump it out?" Ianto questioned. "How much is in there?"

"Oh, a lot," the Doctor stressed. "You might want to step back. Actually, probably be best to move this to hall, so as to avoid…" he trailed off, eyeing them each critically. "Er, injury."

"There is a bed frame in there," Jack deduced, all too proud. "Isn't there?"

"Maybe. Move." Jack stood up and staggered out to join Ianto in the hall. The Doctor joined them shortly, cradling the sphere in one arm and attempting to keep his balance on the pile of junk with the other. When he made it out, he turned his back to them, and upended the sphere.

And a flood of objects tumbled out. Including, as predicted, a bed frame.

Within moments, their part of the hall looked much like the little broom closet - piles and piles of nonsense. Knick-knacks and gadgets and alien contraptions Ianto was immediately nervous to even look at, let alone let touch him.

The Doctor gave the sphere a final shake, then tossed it aside. "Well, would you look at that?" he said. "It's not nearly so much when it's all out in the open here."

They were up to their calves in junk.

"Jesus, Doc," Jack said. But he was grinning. "This is going to take forever. Should we get the others to come help?"

The Doctor bent down, picking up a small object that looked like a pinwheel. It had a slim metal base with a metal stick coming up out of it, a little flashy arm attached to the top of the stick. As if he was afraid he might break it, he spun the arm. It made a soft whirring sound, almost musical, and the tiny lights along it flashed. He looked...sad.

"Best not," he said, after a moment of expectant silence. "Lots of Time Lord-y things here." Surreptitiously, he tucked the object into his jacket pocket. He bent down again, picking through things, his face conveniently obscured. "They don't know about Gallifrey," he confessed. "It might be a tad...uncomfortable."

The Doctor's home planet, right. Ianto knew it had been destroyed, in some war. Jack hadn't given him the details. All he knew was that the Doctor had a fair bit of survivor's guilt over it. And, so it seemed, didn't want to talk about it.

"That makes sense," Jack agreed. The Doctor couldn't see it, as his back was still turned, but Ianto could tell by the expression on Jack's face that he felt bad for even bringing it up, though he couldn't have known. "We can help at least, though, can't we?"

The Doctor shrugged. "If you want." He spun without warning, and tossed what looked like a bouncy ball in their direction. Jack snatched it out of the air right before it hit Ianto in the face.

"Almost got you," the Doctor grinned. It was such a sudden change in mood that it made Ianto nervous, but Jack took it in stride. "Come on then, you two. Start sorting. Er, sorting the things you recognize, anyway. Random junk in one pile, actual useful things in another. I can go through them more later."

They spent the rest of the day going through that pile alone. By the end of it Ianto was exhausted, and though the rest of the night passed peacefully and without incident, he was unable to shake his earlier realization from his mind.

The next shake to Ianto's confidence came the next day, while they once again sorted through the Doctor's forgotten junk.

They'd moved to an unused bedroom instead of the hall, as Ianto had suggested they not take up the walkway with their little project. Or rather, the Doctor's project that he and Jack had somehow ended up roped into. This meant that things were much more crowded, but there were also a few more comfortable places to sit while sorting. So Ianto sat on the bed with a pile of things he'd grabbed from the main collection of junk. Jack sat beside him with his own pile. The Doctor, meanwhile, was half-buried in things on the floor.

"Look at this," Jack suddenly exclaimed. He held up a disc for them all to see - shiny, silver, and the thickness of a CD. "I haven't seen one of these since that trip to Era-Ten!"

"The one where you almost got us blown up?" the Doctor remarked. "I remember."

Ianto laughed. "What did you do, Jack? Flirt with the wrong person?"

The Doctor pointed at Ianto. "Exactly. He thought it would be a great idea to have a chat with the princess, who just so happened to be looking for a husband at the time."

"It was a perfectly innocent conversation," Jack defended. He set the disc down on the nightstand in order to haughtily cross his arms.

"Sure," the Doctor said, sounding anything but convinced. "Anyway, then Jack kissed me, right in front of her. I don't remember why. And she was not pleased."

Ianto's heart skipped a beat in shock (and maybe a little bit of annoyance), but he shrugged it off. It had been a long time ago, after all. "Well, I can imagine not."

"You have a bad habit of doing that," the Doctor continued, facing Jack again.

"What?" Jack asked, indignantly. "Being friendly?"

"Kissing me," the Doctor corrected. "It happened far too often. I think even Rose started to get a little concerned."

"It was the leather jacket," Jack said, decisive but smiling. "What can I say, I'm a simple man."

Ianto found that his eyes wouldn't move from his hands. He grabbed blindly for another object, for some sort of distraction. Jack and the Doctor continued bantering, oblivious to Ianto's pounding heart and sweaty hands and tight chest.

He forced himself to let it go, and laughed at the next of the Doctor's jokes. He managed to convince even himself that it had just been a moment of weakness. Things were fine. He was fine.

Despite his very convincing mantra of "it's not a big deal," Ianto found that he couldn't stop noticing how the Doctor and Jack interacted. How they moved around each other without even seeming to think about it. How they brought up adventure after adventure after adventure, story after story after story, without so much as a hesitation to recall the details.

Jack had said that their past had been just that - the past. A long, long time ago if his phrasing had been anything to go by. But the way they acted, it didn't seem long ago at all. The stories they told and retold seemed weeks old instead of years. The inside jokes seemed to have been made the day prior, although Ianto knew they might have been older than he was.

He wanted to be happy for Jack, that he had a close friend, but he found that he couldn't do it. It drove a poisonous fear into his heart every time Jack laughed at the Doctor's bad jokes. Although Ianto laughed along, too, he could hear his own amusement becoming increasingly hollow.

He couldn't stop imagining Jack after his death - something he'd pictured before, but before now Jack had always been alone. In these new versions, the Doctor was always there, too. Jack was hurting, and the Doctor was there, and Ianto was not. The Doctor, with their shared stories and jokes, and with a life that would continue on far after Ianto's had ended.

Ianto supposed it wouldn't matter to him once he was dead, but it hurt all the same. Jack would move on, and the Doctor would be waiting. No matter what the two of them said about being strictly platonic, they kept flirting. And they had a past together. The Doctor had River, but Jack had told Ianto a bit about that, too. It would last for a long time, but not forever. And if time caught both Jack and the Doctor in the right moment...Ianto hated to think that he might be so easily forgotten.

Maybe that was stupid. He was being ridiculous. He knew Jack loved him, and Jack wasn't an asshole who would immediately discard Ianto and their relationship like a torn shirt or something. But he didn't want to think about Jack with other people, no matter how selfish that might be of him.

Despite his growing worry, Ianto was determined to get over this problem of his by himself. He wasn't going to bother Jack with it, and he'd rather the Doctor not know at all. He internalized, as he'd done with many of his problems over the years, and kept up the act as they continued to sort through the Doctor's junk. Kept it up even as he continued to be assailed by story after story, joke after joke.

Good thing he was an expert at keeping a straight face.

However, what he didn't count on was Jack's equal experience at seeing right through him. So as the third day of sorting came to a close, Jack cornered him in the bathroom.

"What are you doing?" Ianto asked, as Jack pushed him inside and shut the door behind them. Jack crossed his arms, and then leaned against the door to provide an extra barrier. "Jack?"

"Something's wrong," Jack accused. He looked more angry than concerned, though worry lurked in his eyes. "You're acting weird."

"What do you mean?" Maybe Ianto should have known better than to try and deceive him, but he pressed on. He mirrored his boyfriend, arms crossed over his chest, head held high and defiant.

"You keep getting this look on your face." Jack softened, just slightly. "I'm worried, Ianto. What's going on?"

"Nothing," Ianto said. "I'm fine. Personal things." Immediately, he cursed himself.

Jack raised his eyebrows. "I thought nothing was wrong."

"It's fine," Ianto grit out.

"You can talk to me, you know," Jack pressed. "I thought we got over this hurdle already. I can talk to you about anything, and you can talk to me."

"It's not a big deal," Ianto insisted. He hoped Jack couldn't hear the tightness in his voice. "Go back and help the Doctor."

There must have been some detectable bitterness there, because Jack's eyes narrowed, and he eyed Ianto as if he was able to see into his head. "Did the Doctor say something to you?" Jack asked. His shoulders raised a little bit in visible anger. "I swear-"

"No," Ianto interrupted. "No, he didn't." He considered his next words carefully. "If I wanted to go home, Jack, what would you do?"

Jack's face fell. "You...you want to go?"

Ianto sighed. "I didn't say that. I said if. If I did, what would you do?"

Jack blinked a couple of times. "Well, I don't know. I'd...come back with you?" The upward lilt at the end of the phrase lent little sincerity to his words. Ianto's heart clenched abruptly, without warning, and he quickly closed the toilet lid in order to sit heavily on it. "Ianto?" Jack prompted, worry flooding back into his voice.

It took a single deep breath to begin to calm himself. Ianto looked up to Jack, still hovering by the door, and ached. "Jack, you know I love you." The words felt fumbled and awkward in his mouth, as they rarely said them, but it was nonetheless true. Jack nodded. "But you can't devote the rest of your life to me like I can to you."

Jack simply stared, something angry once again springing up to join the concern on his face.

Ianto nodded pointedly to the door, indicating the rest of the TARDIS. He then gave Jack a significant look, which earned him a ragged sigh.

"Are you trying to break up with me?" Jack demanded, harshly. "Because you think the Doctor wants to bang me?"

"Not the words I would use," Ianto snapped back, "but fine, if you want. He's immortal, Jack." Jack opened his mouth, but Ianto, body flooded with rage, continued, "I can't give you forever. I'll be gone eventually."

Jack closed his mouth with an audible click. His jaw worked for a moment, and he stared. "I told you," he said, at last, "that there wasn't anything to worry about. I thought you believed me."

"I did," Ianto admitted. "I do. It's not about right now. It's about later. When I'm gone, and River's gone."

"It's not going to happen," Jack said.

"I am going to die, Jack," Ianto snapped. He wanted to stand, get in Jack's face, but he felt weak at the knees, and his stomach was turning enough that standing would probably be a bad idea. "I know it's idiotic, okay, to worry about the future after I'm dead. But I don't even want to imagine you leaving me behind." His voice cracked dangerously.

Jack swallowed. "I didn't mean your death," he ground out. "I meant me and the Doctor. It's not going to happen. Ever."

Ianto turned the words over in his mouth, feeling them burn, and regretted them as soon as he said them: "I know you're in love with him."

Jack almost choked, spinning away to press his forehead to the door and take a few deep breaths. "I was," he admitted, almost too quietly to hear. "And I still...love him." It sounded painful for him to get the words out. "But I'm not in love with him. Not anymore. But even if I was. It wouldn't happen."

"Why not?" Ianto pushed. "You two get along. You hardly do anything besides flirt and talk about all the fun times you had together-"

Jack turned again, eyes burning. His hands clenched into fists at his sides. "The Doctor can hardly stand to touch me," he spat. "If I was still me, the old me, than maybe. Maybe, in some twist of fate we could work out. But I'm Wrong, as he has so frequently pointed out, so it's not going to happen. Even if I wanted it to, which I don't. He's a Time Lord, and I'm a time anomaly. I shouldn't exist, and my very presence is painful for him. The fact that he let me come on board at all is a miracle."

Ianto searched for some sign of a remaining secret on Jack's face, but found none. His heart continued to pound in earnest. His palms felt far too sweaty. But he felt relieved all the same. Some weight dropped off his shoulders.

"I might find someone after you're gone," Jack whispered. The anger faded, replaced with nothing but bitter sadness. "I can't promise that I won't, Ianto. That's not fair of you to ask of me."

Ianto swallowed hard. "I know that. I don't want to...that's not what this is about. If they were like me, they couldn't give you forever, either."

Jack began to understand, so it seemed. "It's fair that way," he ventured.

Hesitantly, Ianto nodded. "It's selfish of me," he said, "but that's how I feel."

Jack slowly, very slowly, walked over to sit on the rim of the bathtub, elbows on his knees, which very nearly touched Ianto's. "I've been selfish, too," Jack said, more to the floor than to Ianto. "Maybe I shouldn't have brought you on board just because I missed it. That might not've been especially fair of me."

Ianto touched Jack's knee with his own, and left it there. A smile flickered at Jack's lips, painful and sad. "I like it here," Ianto admitted. "I like being here with you. I even like the Doctor, despite everything." Jack's smile grew into something a little happier.

"I'd choose you, Ianto," Jack promised. Though he still didn't look up, Ianto could see his eyes sparkling with unshed tears, and his chest tightened. "Always."

He'd choose Ianto, over all of time and space? Over the life he'd once had, that he wished desperately for so often, even to this day? Ianto wasn't sure he could believe it. He wasn't worth that. But he wanted to believe it. More than anything else.

Jack finally raised his head, and Ianto met him with a kiss.

I'm so sorry guys. I was only planning to wait two weeks between the last update and this one, but it's obviously been much longer than that. Things picked up a Lot at school, unexpectedly, and I also started working, so all of my free time got sucked away, essentially. I've also never been super happy with this chapter and couldn't figure out exactly why, so editing it was extremely difficult and I didn't want to put it out. I'm still not thrilled with it (and still don't know why), but I finally got a breather and decided to just post it.

Updates will probably be more erratic than I'd anticipated, clearly, but rest assured that this story will be updated, even if it takes longer than expected. I've still made little progress on the final chapters (grr), and have editing to do on the ones yet to be posted, but there are still 10 chapters of written (if not actually edited) material to go before I'll start really sweating.

Gonna try and do some major writing and editing this weekend, so I can be ready in a couple weeks for the next update, but we'll see how it goes. Thanks for your patience, guys, I appreciate you 3

As always, let me know what you think. And let me know wtf is wrong with this chapter lmao.