I sprinted down the stairs and threw the door open.
It was Julie, of course. Even blind, Alice wasn't slow.
She was standing about six feet back from the door, her nose wrinkled in distaste, but her face otherwise smooth—masklike. She didn't fool me; I could see the faint trembling of her hands.
Hostility rolled off of her in waves. It brought back that awful afternoon when she'd chosen Sam over me, and I crossed my arms defensively in response.
Julie's rabbit idled by the curb with Jared behind the wheel and Embry in the passenger seat. I understood what this meant: they were afraid to let her come here alone. It made me sad, and a little annoyed. My best friend couldn't even come to my house and feel safe anymore.
"Hey," I finally said when she didn't speak.
Julie pursed her lips, still hanging back from the door. Her eyes flickered across the front of the house.
"She's not here Jules. What's going on?"
She hesitated. "You're alone?"
"Yes." I sighed.
"Can I talk to you a minute?"
"Of course you can, Julie. Come on in."
Julie glanced over her shoulder at her friends in the car. I saw Embry shake his head just a tiny bit. For some reason, this bugged me to no end.
"Unless," I raised an eyebrow antagonistically, "you're scared."
Julie's eyes flashed back to me, her thick, black eyebrows pushing into a furious angle over her deep-set eyes. Her jaw set, and she marched—there was no other way to describe the way she moved—up the sidewalk and shrugged past me into the house.
I locked gazes with first Jared and then Embry—I didn't like the hard way they eyed me; did they really think I would let anything hurt Julie?—before I shut the door on them.
Julie was in the hall behind me, staring at the mess of blankets in the living room.
"Slumber party?" she asked, her tone sarcastic.
"Yeah," I answered with the same level of acid. I didn't like Julie when she acted this way. "What's it to you?"
She wrinkled her nose again like she smelled something unpleasant. "Where's your 'friend'?" I could hear the quotation marks in her tone.
"She had some errands to run. Look, Jules, what do you want?"
Something about the room seemed to make her edgier—her long arms were quivering. She didn't answer my question. Instead she moved on to the kitchen, her restless eyes darting everywhere.
I followed her. She paced back and forth along the short counter.
"Hey," I said, putting myself in her way. She stopped pacing and stared down at me. "What's your problem?"
"I don't like having to be here."
That stung. I winced, and her eyes tightened.
"Then I'm sorry you had to come," I muttered. "Why don't you just tell me what you need so you can leave?"
"I just have to ask you a couple of questions. It shouldn't take long. We have to get back for the funeral."
"Okay. Get it over with then." I was probably overdoing it with the antagonism, but I didn't want her to see how much this hurt. I knew I wasn't being fair. After all, I'd picked the bloodsucker over her last night. I'd hurt her first.
She took a deep breath, and her trembling fingers were suddenly still. Her face smoothed into a serene mask.
"One of the Cullens is staying here with you," she stated.
"Yes. Alice Cullen."
She nodded thoughtfully. "How long is she here for?"
"As long as she wants to be." The belligerence was still there in my tone. "It's an open invitation."
"Do you think you could… please… explain to her about the other one—Victoria?"
I paled. "I told her about that."
She nodded. "You should know that we can only watch our own land with a Cullen here. You'll only be safe in La Push. I can't protect you here anymore."
"Okay," I said in a small voice.
She looked away then, out the back windows. She didn't continue.
"Is that all?"
She kept her eyes on the glass as she answered. "Just one more thing."
I waited, but she didn't continue. "Yes?" I finally prompted.
"Are the rest of them coming back now?" she asked in a cool, quiet voice. It reminded me of Sam's always calm manner. Julie was becoming more like Sam…. And I wondered why that bothered me so much.
I was distracted by that thought, and forgot to answer. She looked back at my face probing eyes.
"Well?" she asked. She struggled to conceal the tension behind her serene expression.
"No." I replied. "They aren't coming back."
Her expression didn't change. "Okay. That's all."
I glared at her, annoyance rekindled. "Well, run along now. Go tell Sam that the scary monsters aren't coming to get you."
"Okay," she repeated, still calm.
That seemed to be it. Julie walked swiftly from the kitchen. I waited to hear the front door open, but I heard nothing. I could hear the clock over the stove ticking, and I marveled again at how quiet she'd become.
What a disaster. How could I have alienated her so completely in such a short amount of time?
Would she forgive me when Alice was gone? What if she didn't?
I slumped against the counter and buried my face in my hands. How had I made such a mess of everything? But what could I have done differently? Even in hindsight, I couldn't think of any better way, any perfect course of action.
"Bella…?" Julie asked in a troubled voice.
I pulled my face out of my hands to see Julie hesitating in the kitchen doorway; she hadn't left when I thought. It was only when I saw the clear drops in my hands that I realized I was crying.
Julie's calm expression was gone; her face was anxious and unsure. She walked quickly back to stand in front of me, ducking her head so her eyes were closer to being on the same level with mine.
"Did it again, didn't I?"
"Did what?" I asked, my voice cracking.
"Broke my promise. Sorry."
"S'okay," I mumbled. "I started it this time."
Her face twisted. "I knew how you felt about them. It shouldn't have taken me by surprise like that."
I could see the revulsion in her eyes. I wanted to explain to her what Alice was really like, to defend her against the judgements she'd made, but I knew it wasn't the time for that.
So I just said, "I'm sorry."
"Let's not worry about it, okay? She's just visiting, right? She'll leave, and things will go back to normal."
"Can't I be friends with you both at the same time?" I asked, my voice not hiding an ounce of the hurt I felt.
She shook her head slowly. "No, I don't think you can."
I sniffled and stared at her big feet. "Then… You'll wait, right? You'll still be my friend, even though I love Alice, too?"
I looked up as I said the last part. For a split second, her face changed—I couldn't read the expression. It took her a long minute to answer.
"Yeah, Bella, I'll always be your friend," she said gruffly. "No matter what you love."
"Promise?" I asked dropping my eyes to the floor.
"Promise."
I felt her arms wind around me, and I leaned against her chest, still sniffling. "This really sucks."
"Yeah." Then she sniffed my hair and said, "Ew."
"What!?" I demanded. I looked up to see her nose was wrinkled again. "Why does everyone keep doing that to me? I don't smell!"
She smiled a little. "Yes, you do—you smell like them. Blech. Too sweet—sickly sweet. And… icy. It burns my nose."
"Really?" That was strange. Alice smelled unbelievably wonderful. To a human, anyway. "But why would Alice think I smelled, too, then?"
That wiped her smile away. "Huh. Maybe I don't smell so good to her, either."
"Well, you both smell fine to me." I rested my head against her again. I was going to miss her terribly when she walked out my door. I'd miss her laugh, her smile, her warmth. On the one hand, I wanted Alice to stay, and I'd be sad when she left. But how was I supposed to go without seeing Julie for any length of time?What a mess, I thought again.
"I'll miss you," Julie whispered, echoing my thoughts. "Every minute. I hope she leaves soon."
"It really doesn't have to be that way, Jules." My arms were tight around her waist.
She sighed. "Yes, it really does, Bella. You… love her. So I'd better not get anywhere near her. I'm not sure that I'm even-tempered enough to handle that. Sam would be mad if I broke the treaty, and"—her voice turned sarcastic—"you probably wouldn't like it too much if I killed your friend."
I recoiled slightly and glared at her when she said that, but my arms stayed at her waist, and she didn't loosen her arms around me. "There's no point in avoiding the truth. That's the way things are, Bella."
I sighed, and relaxed back into her arms, dropping my head. She was right. "I hate this, Julie."
Julie freed one arm so that she could cup her big hand under my chin and make me look up at her. "Yeah. It was easier when we were both human, wasn't it?"
I sighed again.
We stared at each other for a long moment. Her hand smoldered against my skin. In my face, I knew there was nothing but wistful sadness—I didn't want to have to say goodbye now, no matter for how short a time. I couldn't imagine it. At first her face reflected mine, but then, as neither of us looked away, her expression changed.
She moved her arm, so her hand rested on the small of my back. She lifted her hand from my chin, and trailed her fingertips down my cheek to my jaw. I could feel her fingers tremble—not with anger this time. Her hand rested back under my chin, warm and gentle.
"Bella" she whispered.
My stomach fluttered.
I hadn't made the decision yet. Or had I? I wasn't sure. My heart started beating harder. Could I do this? I didn't know if I could take this step. More importantly, did I want to?
I stared back at her. She was not my Julie in that sense, but she could be. Her face was familiar and beloved. In so many real ways, I did love her. She was my comfort, my safe harbor. Right now, I could choose to have her belong to me.
Alice was back for the moment, but that changed nothing. Edyth was never coming back and she wouldn't begrudge me this. Hell, Edyth didn't get a say. It didn't matter what she thought anymore. I could be happy here. I could officially start building a new life with Julie and all it would take to begin was a simple kiss.
Maybe it would be easy—like holding her hand or having her arm around me. It would be easy. As easy as breathing.
Keeping her eyes on mine, Julie began to bend her face toward me. My arms moved up from her waist to around her neck, draping on her shoulders. Her hand on the small of my back pulled me in closer, and my fingers began to tangle in her hair on the back of her head. We were achingly close, and I let my eyes close.
The shrill ring of the phone made us both jump, my eyes shot open but it did not break her focus. She took her hand from under my chin and reached over to grab the receiver, but still held me securely with her hand at the small of my back. Her dark eyes did not free mine. My hands slid softly down from her neck to her chest as I tried to steady my breathing.
"Swan residence," Julie said, her husky voice low and intense.
Someone answered, and Julie altered in an instant. She straightened up, and her hand dropped from my back. Her eyes went flat, her face blank, and I could only blink in confusion.
I continued to stare at her, bewildered. My eyes searching her face for an answer but she ignored me.
"He's not here," Julie said, and the words were menacing.
There was some very short reply, a request for more information it seemed, because she added unwillingly, "He's at the funeral."
Then Julie hung up the phone. "Filthy bloodsucker," she muttered under her breath. The face she turned back to me was the bitter mask again.
"Who did you just hang up on?" I glared at her, confused.
"He hung up on me!" She snapped.
"He? Who was it, Julie?" I stepped back from her now.
She sneered the title. "Dr. Carlisle Cullen."
"Julie, why didn't you let me talk to him?!"
"He didn't ask for you," Julie said coldly. Her face was smooth, expressionless, but her hands shook. "He asked where Charlie was and I told him. I don't think I broke any rules of etiquette."
"Alright, now, you listen to me, Julie Black—"
But she obviously wasn't listening. She looked quickly over her shoulder, as if someone had called her name from the other room. Her eyes went wide and her body stiff, then she started trembling. I listened too, automatically, but heard nothing.
"Bye, Bella," she spit out, and wheeled toward the front door.
"No, Julie!" I ran after her. "What is it?"
And then I ran into her, as she rocked back on her heels, cussing under her breath. She spun around and caught me in her arms, holding me tightly. Her face was livid.
Alice stood motionless at the foot of the stairs.
"Bella," she choked.
I forced myself out of Julie's grasp, stumbling towards Alice. Her eyes were dazed and far away, her face drawn and whiter than bone. Her slim body trembled to an inner turmoil.
"Alice what's wrong?" I cried. I put my hands on her face, trying to calm her.
Her eyes focused on mine abruptly, wide with pain.
"Edyth," was all she whispered.
I didn't really have time to form a reaction, I couldn't make sense of her bleak face and how it could possibly relate to Edyth. She moved her hands to grasp my shoulders, but the whole room suddenly tilted at the oddest angle and I heard Julie's furious voice in my ear, hissing out a stream of profanities. I felt a vague disapproval. The La Push kids were clearly a bad influence.
I was across the room before I had time to register I was moving. Julie was holding me tightly in her arms and she was shaking violently. I felt dizzy from the sudden movement.
"Don't you touch her!"Julie snarled at Alice.
She ignored her. "Bella, we have to hurry."
"Stay back," Julie warned.
"Calm down, Julie Black," Alice ordered. "You don't want to do that with her in your arms." And if you do my sister will hear and gladly hunt you dont mess with a vampires mate dog! the bond is alot stronger than human love. That's why Bella here will never love you as much.
"I don't think I'll have any problem keeping my focus," she retorted, but her voice was a little cooler.
"Alice?" I was still slightly dazed. "What happened?"
"I don't know," she suddenly wailed. "What is she thinking?!"
Julie was still shaking violently, she was holding me tightly in front of her, her head low, just beside mine, glowering at Alice. I found her hand with mind and gave it a tight squeeze. I heard her draw in a deep, slow breath.
Alice had rushed to her bag and pulled a sleek, flat phone out of it. Her fingers tapped the screen so quickly they were a blur.
"Roy, I need to talk to Carlisle now." Her voice whipped through the words. "Fine, as soon as he's back. No, I'll be on a plane. Look, have you heard anything from Edyth?"
Alice paused now, listening with an expression that grew more appalled every second. Her mouth opened into a little O of horror, and the phone shook in her hand.
"Why?" She gasped. "Why would you do that, Royal?"
Whatever the answer was, it made her jaw tighten in anger. Her eyes flashed and narrowed.
"Well, you're wrong on both counts, though, Royal, so that would be a problem, don't you think?" she asked acidly. "Yes, that's right. Bella is absolutely fine—I was wrong… It's a long story… but you're wrong about that part, too, that's why I'm calling… yes, that's exactly what I saw."
Alice's voice was very hard and her lips were pulled back from her teeth. "It's a bit late for that, Royal. Save your remorse for someone who believes it." Alice tapped the screen sharply, ending the call.
Her eyes were tortured as she turned to face me.
"Alice," I spoke quickly, "Alice, Carlisle is back, though. He called just before…"
She stared at me blankly. "How long ago?" she asked in a hollow voice.
"Half a minute before you showed up."
"What did he say?" She really focused now, waiting for my answer.
"Well, I didn't talk to him." My eyes flickered to Julie.
Alice turned her penetrating gaze on her. She flinched, but held her place next to me. She pulled me in tighter, and I reflexively squeezed her hand.
"He asked for Charlie, and I told him Charlie wasn't here," Julie muttered resentfully.
"Is that everything?" Alice demanded, her voice like ice.
"Then he hung up on me," Julie spit back. A tremor rolled down her spine, shaking me with it.
"You told him Charlie was at the funeral," I reminded her.
Alice's gaze snapped back to me. "What were his exact words?"
"she said, 'He's not here,' and when Carlisle asked where Charlie was, Julie said, 'At the funeral.'"
Alice moaned and sank to her knees.
"Alice,whatis going on?" I demanded.
"That wasn't Carlisle on the phone," she said hopelessly.
"Are you calling me a liar?" Julie snarled from beside me.
Alice ignored her, focusing on my bewildered face.
"It was Edyth." The words were just a choked whisper. "She thinks you're dead."
My mind finally began to process everything.
"Royal told her I killed myself, didn't he?" I said, putting it all together.
"Yes," Alice admitted, her eyes flashing hard again. "In Roy's defense, he did believe it. They rely on my sight far too much for something that works so imperfectly. But for him to track Edyth down to tell her this! Didn't he realize… or care…?" her voice faded away in horror.
"So, then, when Edyth called here, she thought Julie meant my funeral," I realized. I didn't know how to feel, having been so close to speaking to Edyth myself. I was gripping Julie's hand like a vice, but she didn't flinch.
Alice looked at me strangely. "You're not upset," she whispered.
"Upset? I don't..." I furrowed my brows, "It was really rotten timing, sure, but it will get straightened out. The next time she calls, someone will tell her… what… really…" I trailed off. Her gaze strangled the words in my throat.
Why was she so panicked? Why was her face twisting now with pity and horror? What was it she had said to Royal on the phone just now? Something about what she'd seen… and Royal's remorse; Royal would never feel remorse for anything that happened to me. But if he'd hurt his family, hurt his sister…
"Bella," Alice whispered. "Edyth won't call again. She believed her."
"I don't understand, Alice." I stared at her, uncomprehending.
"She's going to Italy."
It took the length of one heartbeat for me to understand.
A memory, from a lifetime ago, instantly resurfaced in my mind. The memory of Edyth's voice, from a time when I thought she loved me.
Well, I wasn't going to live without you,she'd said as we watched Romeo and Juliet die, here in this very room. I wasn't sure how to do it…. I knew Emmett and Jasper would never help… so I was thinking maybe I would go to Italy and do something to provoke the Volturi…. You don't irritate them. Not unless you want to die.
Not unless you want to die.
"No!" The word came out like a bellow of disbelief and the color drained from my face, Alice and Julie jumped at the sound. As soon as the color drained from my face the blood came rushing back. My face got hot as I realized what she'd seen. "No! No, way. She can't! She can't do that!"
"She made up her mind as soon as your friend confirmed that it was too late to save you."
"But she… she left! She didn't want me anymore! What difference does it make now? She knew I would die sometime!"
"I don't think she ever planned to outlive you by long," Alice said quietly.
"How dare she!" I screamed the words. I had never thought that I, a human, could make a vampire and a werewolf edge away from me in fear, and yet Alice and Julie both moved back away. The look of shock mingled with fear was plain on both their faces.
B-Bella?" Alice's voice was uncertain. "Are you—"
"No, Alice, I am not okay." I was fuming, more furious than I had ever felt in my life. I was aimlessly pacing the room. "That—that—Stupid! Idiotic! Moronic! Selfish! jackass!" I spat out each word. I rounded on Alice, my voice tight and intense. "What can we do? Can't we call her? Can Carlisle?"
She was shaking her head. "That was the first thing I tried. She left her phone in a trash can in Rio—someone answered it…," she whispered, watching me carefully.
"Oh, my god." I pressed my fists to my temple. "You said before we had to hurry. Hurry how?" Alice didn't answer right away. "Alice, hurry how?"
"Bella, I—I don't think I can ask you to…" She trailed off in indecision.
"Oh, just ask me!" I snapped.
She put her hands on my shoulders, holding me in place, her fingers flexing sporadically to emphasize her words. "We may already be too late. I saw her going to the Volturi… and asking to die." She cringed, and I fumed. "It all depends on what they choose. I can't see that till they make a decision.
"But if they say no, and they might—Aro is fond of Carlisle, and wouldn't want to offend him—Edyth has a backup plan. They're very protective of their city. If Edyth does something to upset the peace, she thinks they'll act to stop her. And she's right. They will."
I stared at her with my jaw clenched in angry frustration.
"So if they agree to grant her favor, we're too late. If they say no, and she comes up with a plan to offend them quickly enough, we're too late. If she gives into her more theatrical tendencies… we might have time."
"Oh, I think we'll have time." I intoned sarcastically.
"Listen, Bella! Whether we are in time or not, we will be in the heart of the Volturi city. I will be considered her accomplice if she is successful. You will be a human who not only knows too much, but also smells too good. There's a very good chance that they will eliminate us all—though in your case it won't be a punishment so much as dinnertime."
I considered her words carefully. Even in my anger, I didn't want to sign my death certificate, just to stop Edyth. But how could I not stop her?
"I don't want to get you killed, Bella."
I took a deep breath.
"Alice, listen to me." Her eyes were locked onto mine. My voice was low, and I tried to steady it as much as I could. "I am not doing this for her so much as I am doing this for you, for your family, and for myself. She doesn't get to break my heart, take every damn thing from me, and leave me an absolute mess for months just so she can turn around and kill herself the minute she thinks I'm dead. That's not fair. I won't live with that guilt on my conscious. I will never be able to move on and forget her if she gets herself killed." Alice's face was a mixture of emotions. "So," I sighed. "Tell me what I need to do."
She paused for a brief moment. "You write a note to Charlie. I'll call the airlines."
"Charlie, oh god," I grabbed at my stomach as I felt it drop.
I already hated myself thinking I would put Charlie through more worry and couldn't stand the thought of leaving him alone to face…
"I'm not going to let anything happen to Charlie." Julie's low voice was gruff and angry. "Screw the treaty."
I glanced at her, and she scowled back.
"Hurry, Bella," Alice interrupted urgently.
I ran to the kitchen, yanking the drawers open and throwing the contents all over the floors as I searched for a pen. A smooth, brown hand held one out to me.
"Thank you," I mumbled, pulling the cap off with my teeth. She silently handed me the pad of paper we wrote phone messages on. I tore off the top sheet and threw it over my shoulder.
Dad, I wrote.I'm with Alice. Edyth is in trouble and about to do something incredibly stupid. I know it's the worst time. I'm so sorry to do this to you, we can talk when I get back. Love you so much. Bella.
"Don't go," Julie whispered. The anger was all gone now that Alice was out of sight.
I realized that I had grabbed her hand while I wrote the note and I was holding on to it tightly. I felt another drop in my stomach. "Please, please,please take care of Charlie," I said, my eyes closed. I hurried away before she could speak again out to the front room. Alice was waiting in the doorway with a bag over her shoulder.
"Get your wallet—You'll need me you have a passport. I don't have time to forge one."
I nodded and then raced up the stairs, my knees weak with gratitude that my mother had wanted to marry Phil on a beach in Mexico. Of course, like all her plans, it had fallen through. But not before I'd made all the practical arrangements I could for her.
I tore through my room. I stuffed my old wallet, a clean T-shirt, and jeans into my backpack, and then threw my toothbrush on top. I hurled myself back down the stairs. The sense of déjà vu was nearly stifling by this point. At least, unlike the last time— when I'd run away from Forks to escape thirsty vampires rather than to find them— I wouldn't have to say goodbye to Charlie in person. I didn't think either of us could have handled it right now.
Julie and Alice were locked in some kind of confrontation in front of the open door, standing so far apart you wouldn't assume at first that they were having a conversation. Neither one seemed to notice my noisy reappearance.
"You might control yourself on occasion, but these leeches you're taking her to—" Julie was furiously accusing her.
"Yes. You're right, dog." Alice was snarling, too. "The Volturi are the very essence of our kind—they're the reason your hair stands on end when you smell me. They are the substance of your nightmares, the dread behind your instincts. I'm not unaware of that."
"And you take her to them like a bottle of wine for a party!" she shouted.
"You think she'd be better off if I left her here alone, with Victoria stalking her?"
"We can handle the redhead."
"Then why is she still hunting?"
Julie growled and a shudder rippled through her torso.
"Stop that! Both of you!" I shouted at them, and they both deflated a bit. "Argue when we get back!" I paused briefly. "Alice, go to the car. I'll be right out."
Alice disappeared out the door. I stopped and turned to face Julie one last time before I left.
Her face wasn't angry anymore, it was unbearably sad.
"Please, Bella." Her hands reached out to grip my shoulders. "I'm begging."
Her dark eyes were glistening with tears. A lump filled my throat.
"Julie, I have to—"
"You don't, though. You really don't. You could stay here with me. You could stay alive. For Charlie. For me."
The engine of Carlisle's Mercedes purred; the rhythm of the thrumming spiked when Alice revved it impatiently.
I choked back my tears, I desperately wanted to do what she asked of me. Stay here, and stay alive… for her. I dropped my bag and my hands gripped her arms. I couldn't meet her gaze.
"Don't die, Bella," she choked out. "Don't go. Don't."
"Jules…"
What if I never saw her again?
The thought pushed me past the silent tears; a sob broke out from my chest. I threw my arms around her waist and hugged her as tightly as I could for one too-short moment, burying my tear-wet face against her chest. She put her big hand on the back of my head, as if to hold me there.
"Bye, Julie" I pulled myself back, my arms flew to her neck, and I lifted myself up to kiss her on the cheek. "I'm so sorry," I whispered.
I spun away and raced for the car, scooping up my backpack as I ran. I felt dizzy and weak. The moment I had lifted myself up to kiss her on the cheek I had caught the briefest glimpse of the complete despair and agony on her face.
The door on the passenger side of the car was open and waiting. I threw my backpack over the headrest and slid in, slamming the door behind me.
"Take care of Charlie!" I turned to shout out the window, but Julie was nowhere in sight. As Alice stomped on the gas and—with the tires screeching like human screams—spun us around to face the road, I caught sight of a shred of white near the edge of the trees. A piece of shoe.
I clutched at my chest as I felt my heart suffer a brand-new break.