IM BACK! AKA I NO LONGER HAVE MIDTERMS AND CAN BREATHE ENOUGH TO WRITE OUT A CHAPTER FOR YOU ALL. AND BECAUSE I WAS AN IDIOT AND SPENT MOST OF MY LIFE CRYING BECUASE MIDTERMS SUCK, I MADE THIS CHAPTER A LITTLE EXTRA LONG TO KEEP YOU COMFY UNTIL THE NEXT CHAPTER. YA? OKAY. AWESOME. SHOUT OUT TO THE WEEKND AND DAFT PUNK FOR INSPIRING ME ! watch?v=qFLhGq0060w
Tell me what you really like
Baby I can take my time
We don't ever have to fight
Just take it step-by-step
I can see it in your eyes
'Cause they never tell me lies
I can feel that body shake
And the heat between your legs
You've been scared of love and what it did to you
You don't have to run, I know what you've been through
Just a simple touch and it can set you free
We don't have to rush when you're alone with me
I feel it coming, I feel it coming, babe
I feel it coming, I feel it coming, babe
I feel it coming, I feel it coming, babe
I feel it coming, I feel it coming, babe
You are not the single type
So baby, this the perfect time
I'm just trying to get you high
And faded off this touch
You don't need a lonely night
So baby, I can make it right
You just got to let me try
To give you what you want
The moment Jacob saw her, he knew his world wasn't ever going to be the same. He swore the rain poured harder and the thunder struck the tip of the radio antenna on Charlie's old cruiser. But she laughed and he swore she was only in his dreams and would only ever exist in his mind. In his mind, she wasn't as close to as what he had dreamed, but the smile on her face lit up the sky as bolts of electricity hit every bit of his nerves and electrified his entire being. He didn't feel as if gravity existed, a system that wasn't meant for him and had no real existence since she appeared. But this one girl with the square glasses, the black beanie with two fuzz balls on top, and the giant cup of coffee was enough to keep him grounded and it was enough for him to feel his heart pulsing again. Flat earth or round, he was here because she gave him a reason. Brown eyes gleaming with delight as she met his, a shy smile before she turned around and hitched her purse higher onto her shoulder. Jacob was sure his life had meaning before, but now, he was sure it meant much more to him than ever before.
I put a spell on you
Because you're mine
You better stop the things you do
I tell ya I ain't lyin'
I ain't lyin'
You know I can't stand it
You're runnin' around
You know better daddy
I can't stand it 'cause you put me down
Oh no
He was on my mind. And even when Nina Simone filled my ears, I still found myself constantly thinking about his wide smile and his biceps. And every part of me felt the rush that came with the sound of his voice. At this point, I groaned and threw my face into the giant stuffed animal beside me. Never one to believe in traditional romantic ideals, I wasn't sure what to believe in.
Being infatuated was something I always found myself doing, from grape soda, to the newest refresher from Starbucks. I got obsessive easily and bored quite quickly. But this one I couldn't shake it off, I couldn't even begin to explain the thoughts and ideas that ran through my head when Jacob was the main component. Sometimes he wasn't, and it was just his bulging biceps holding me down while he plowed into me. I shoved my face into the pillow and screamed. I was sick and Matt knew it the moment he realized that I removed the batteries out of the analog clock for my own selfish using.
And even when I explained to him in near tears, he held me and made sure I knew I wasn't as crazy. Sexual infatuation was one thing, but the moment I laid in bed with insomnia lying beside me, he was there to lull me away. The warmth of the blankets around me, the soft noise of my music losing itself under the pitter patter of the rain, and the image of him that would forever be embedded in my mind. I hated myself for this, and the more I dreamt of his arms around me, to even hear his voice again, the more I felt on edge.
Even my ceiling couldn't help me, and at 3: 30 in the morning I just got up and started my day.
The heaviness of my eyes didn't bother, most of you probably know the feeling. A numb but settling feeling that never really stopped growing no matter how long you were alive. The anxiousness that vibrated through every nerve on my body and the never-ending growls of my stomach that had been cleaned out from morning vomits and endless acid decaying the lining due to my nervous personality.
The apartment was quiet, Matt was snoring softly in his room. The door locked and the long red neck tie hanging off the door knob that only meant that Matt had banged some girl while I was off buying brownie mix and a new bottle of whiskey. But I enjoyed these moments, where the world was resting, and I was living for once.
The bottle of whiskey was half empty, my short glass sitting by it rimmed with the blue lipstick I had worn yesterday. And it wasn't long before I was taking a sip while I waited for my coffee to brew in the pot.
The tv played old episodes of Kitchen Nightmares, Gordon Ramsey screamed insults and I giggled from time to time softly. Dark blue skies barely lightening up and the old man across the apartment complex was just leaving to work.
It was then when I heard the door squeak open and out came a tall thin blonde bombshell. Hair like Rapunzel and legs like a Kendall Jenner.
"oh shit… "she spoke, heels in hand as her green eyes widen while she looked at me. My eyes widened at the large hickey on her neck but soon I heard the gurgling of the final moments of my coffee.
"Hey girl, you want some coffee? Maybe a shot? How about both? " I asked casually
She looked behind her , as if Matt would wake up and shoo her away. Nope, it was far to late for that.
"It's okay, he won't get mad if you stay a little longer. "
She nodded and sat across from me, she hopped onto the bar stool and ran her fingers through her hair. Knotted and probably sweaty from the night's events.
"you're not his girlfriend, are you? "she asked
The question that broke my mother's heart. Even my dad's. They loved Matt and he was always welcomed in my home. He was even welcomed to father my children if my mother had any say in it.
I smirked and poured a cup of coffee for her.
"I wouldn't be sharing my shit with you if I was. " I confessed
She blushed and looked down at her thin hands.
"What's your name? "
When you watch someone fidget, it makes you fidget and squirm. And even though most of the girls I had ran into during Matt's quest of love were nice, none of them ever really stayed around long enough. And I was somewhat okay with that.
"Nancy. You? " she asked
Nancy, a nice name for a girl from a small town. Her blonde highlights and her perfectly veneered teeth screamed future housewife and mother of 3. She'd run a successful boutique and her husband would support her and love her and she'd most definitely have a great Instagram following. She wouldn't remember me, but id remember her.
"Beyoncé "
She quirked a brow but resumed drinking.
"Beyoncé? "she questioned
"Yeah? Is that weird? "
"Well, it's just that …. "
I rolled my eyes to play the part.
"There are others named Beyoncé, you know?"
The silence fell between us. Both of us sipping the warm drink .
"why are you awake? It's literally four am. "she asked
I signed and knew it was too good to be true.
"boy troubles? "she asked. Now sitting up straight confidently while I sulked and poured another shot.
Ahh, fuck it.
"not a boy, a literal man. A man I don't know and don't want to know. " and down the shot went. Hot and wet, like everything I dreamed of.
"Like a stalker?" she quipped.
"nah, more of an idiot move on my part. I met this guy and he hasn't left my mind since. "
"Was he cute? " she asked
I nodded, though I knew he was way more than cute. But I wasn't going to let barbie know that.
"then why don't you see him again? "
Nancy was saying real shit, but it was also the dumbest shit I had ever heard. Why the fuck was I making such a big deal out of this guy. I was only here for a few weeks and then id be back home in Los Angeles.
"because I'm me, and I don't date. "
"you don't date? Like how old are you? " she asked looking me up and down.
"22, but I just got off a long-term relationship. "
Got off, was left at the alter. Same shit.
"how long term? " she asked
"like since I was 14, knew him since I was 5 … "
"wow…"
Wow indeed, Barbie. And then another shot took its turn and easily slid down my throat.
"can I have one?" she asked
I held the bottle up to confirm and she nodded happily. I grabbed a shot glass and poured her a full shot. Luckily she didn't protest and took the shot with ease. These are the girls that will rule the world.
"How long ago did you guys break up? "
It was November now, and he broke up with me a year ago before my birthday.
"a little over a year ago. "
"you should go fuck this guy you like. "
I nearly chocked on the fudge brownie.
"I don't fuck. " I stated. But my heart raced like never.
"yeah, that's why you're drinking at 4 am and eating all these carbs. " the disgust in her voice would've sent me into a insecure spiral but I was already feeling the lightheadedness of the shots. And I didn't care what she was saying, she still had to walk home in the cold.
"Umm, hello. You're here too. "
She rolled her eyes and put the brownie down. A simple pinch removed from the corner edge.
"yeah but I got fucked and I need the energy to walk home. "
Damn, she was good.
"touché, Nancy. "
She grinned and eyed me intently.
"you got that hot librarian thing going on. "
I chewed on the brownie, pretty much visionally showing her that I was left a little uncomfortable. Normally I would shove the fucking thing in my mouth and gobble it up like a baby bird. Nancy smirked at me like a fucking demon and I shook my head.
"I won't fuck you, Nancy. Especially after Matt did. "
she chuckled
"Give yourself a chance, Beyoncé."
It wasn't about me giving myself a chance, it was about others giving me a chance. I was filled with many insecurities and the baggage wore some people down.
"Why am I even having this conversation. "
"because it only makes the story better, you know? Like it kind of makes you out to be a very thought out character and you're just super engaged to let the reader know where you are . "And Nancy took another shot confidently. Without my permission but who cared at this point.
"Nancy, you must be a scholar or some shit."
"no, I'm a content creator. " she grinned
"like YouTube and shit? " I asked intrigued
She nodded happily.
"My mom left my dad when she realized he was sleeping with his best friends wife. My mom cried for months until one day she realized that she wasted so much time on my dad. And when she divorced him she vowed to never waste anymore time on him. I think you need that push. Get the divorce. "
We didn't even make it to the alter. Just days before the big day, my family had just flown in. Dress rehearsal was done. And then it just happened.
"but I loved him, I feel guilty. "
"Love isn't an entire relationship, Beyoncé. Love can bring people together, but love can't keep them together. "
And that's when the shots hit.
"Nancy, you're pretty fucking smart for someone who doesn't like the corner pieces of the brownies. "
"you're up early. " Matt spoke groggily. Rubbing his eyes as he leaned on the counter and gave me that sleepy look that made all the girls shake in their panties.
"I couldn't sleep. "
"hmmm, it's already 6. " he yawned
"I made you a cup of coffee. "
The mug had mine and Matt's face on it, it was a very cute couple picture of us at our first big publishing party. We were drunk and didn't care how obnoxious we were. And next thing I knew we had bought a mug and a giant blanket of our stupid faces. Margo currently has our blanket for memory purposes.
As Matt brought the cup up to his lips he had to throw his head back and scowl at me.
"Does this have jameson in it? " he asked skeptical.
I nodded happily and sipped on mine before he took a sip of his.
"holy shit, that's oddly satisfying. "
My face was currently shoving as many dark chocolate cupcakes with peanut butter frosting into my mouth. The envy of most of the kids working but I had done my part and felt my team needed a break.
The doors were to open at 9 am sharp. And for a Saturday after Matt and I played shot roulette, well it wasn't fun. I was tired and the bruise on my thigh could have only told me one thing, I got wild.
But even now, I still had a little drunken strength to carry me until 4 pm.
"You on edge today, Noelle? "Margo asked. The long flowing garment she wore was by far my favorite.
"No, why? "On edge was one thing, hungover is different.
"Just, Matthew couldn't eat the breakfast burrito I ordered for him and you ate it after you devoured yours. "
I was known to be a foodie when drunk. Nothing stopped me.
"I have half of it in my bag, actually. "I defended.
Behind Margo's red colored glasses I could see her eyes twinkle with excitement but her thin lips held the seriousness she always tried to portray.
"The council will be here, and we must put our best foot forward. "
"don't we always? "
"Yes, but today is a special day, Noelle. "
Margo's voice was always filled with a tough confidence. An accent that only one could grow from living in Connecticut in the early 1900s but today it seemed to settle down to a very humbling place. It was soft and held the natural rasp I had loved. The voice of a storyteller that captivated it's audience and made every story worth telling. Margo was more then just words, she was the story.
"You nervous about being home, Margo? "I asked
Her timid smile grew, and she looked down at me.
"I'm grateful for the opportunity but im damn nervous for the Quil Atera and that asshole William Black. He has a stick up his arse and im ready to pull it out and wack him with it.. "
I remined silent watching the last finishing touches being made and nudged Margo playfully
"You want me to seduce him? " I asked and her eyes nearly bugged out of surprise but soon she chuckled softly and reached for my hand. Giant stones covered her thin fingers, emeralds and rubies on silver rings. She was the epitome of hippie.
"Sarah once said that. Though her smile reached her eyes and I knew she wasn't just joking. She fancied that clown the moment he walked into the room. " she confessed
"Sarah, your best friend Sarah?"
She nodded and looked down at the old gold watch around her frail wrist.
"William was the class monitor. He made sure everyone did what they were supposed to and boy did he not expect Sarah to come through that class room like a hurricane….."
Margo's smile was infectious. And i was sure it was because she never really smiled in the first place but even now it grew at the mention of her late friend and the man that Margo never understood why he meant so much to her.
"Seeing them together was unreal, Noelle. A spark I never could've written or read about. IT was dynamite and Sarah was soon loosening the ties of the old man. "
"He means something to you, Margo? "I asked questionly
My own stomach sinking at what could've been or possibly was. Sarah was a tough topic for Margo, but William Black only escaped out of her mouth when joyous things came around.
Margo remained quiet and her lips fell.
"He means everything to me, Noelle. William Black married and loved my soulmate for all the time I was away and I thank him for everything he did for that wonderful women who I know loved every ounce of him with every ounce of blood she had. But William Black also kept her here, he kept her from exploring the world and sharing her art. "
"seems harsh? "
"the world will always be harsh for us, my child. But it's in us to push back and stand tall for what we want."
The silence grew, Margo's eyes scanning the room over the decorated stations. The prominent display of J.R Madero's Magical Adventures of Stevie was one that even I was proud of. Dark purple draped over the tiered shelves. Crystal balls and small pinatas decorating along with the black framed glasses. Small stuffed animals huddled under by the pillows and serval glittery blankets from the merch store.
"Okay, we are done and ready to go. You guys ready? "Matt asked running towards us.
I nodded while Margo took the lead and walked over to the giant red steel doors.
"Remember, we build the worlds of those who cannot fathom being in theirs. We treat those with love and respect. Dream together and keep the world at bay in moments of sadness. "
I felt matt's hand slip into mine suddenly. And as much as I wish his hand wasn't as cold it was right now, I wouldn't have had picked anyone else to do this with. MY hand gripped his, large thin hands with short chubby ones with picked nail polish. But two hands knowing exactly what Margo meant.
The kids were much more hectic then I first thought. Their laughter and their curiosity made it all worthy. But the short chubby kid stuffing his face with the brownies was by far my favorite. Despite him repeatedly calling me madam. It was cute at first, but it got a bunch of other rugrats calling me it repeatedly. Matt was currently hiding from the freshman girls who thought he was a dream boat.
"You normally stand by the food? "
His voice wasn't hard to forget, especially after spending an entire week dreaming of it. But it did surprise me to see him here.
"Depending on the spread. "
"sweet tooth? "he asked settling beside me close enough for me to take in the smell of diesel.
"yeah. And these are dark chocolate so I cant really deny them. " I popped another one into my mouth and didn't dare to look up at Fabio.
"dark chocolate, gross. "
Then he made a comment like that and I nearly spat the brownie in his face.
"You're gross…. "
His eyes widened and the smirk on his face only made him hotter. God, save me.
"Well, then. You arnt so friendly, huh? "
I shook my head and avoided his gaze.
In the corner of my eyes I could see his fidget in his shoes. Black boots that mirrored mine. Though his seemed much more used then mine.
"You like doing this?" he asked
My gazed landed on him. Eyes tracing his face before they traveled south. He was dressed in a wonderful dark brown Henley tshirt, Dark jeans and the ratty old boots on his feet. His giant wrist was gladded in an apple watch and I almost vomited from how attractive he was. That or the hangover finally reaching it's peak.
"I love it, actually. "
"When dad brought it up, we weren't so sure. Not many kids like reading these days, you know? " he confessed crossing his arms and leaning back against the table and a vanilla cupcake on his hand.
Disgusting. I disagreed and his eyebrow shot up once he noticed me shift my body towards him.
"a lot of kids like reading. "
"I mean, I didn't nor did I expect all of this to turn up. " he confessed gesturing to the crowd of kids running from one end to another.
A sense of pride filled me as I finally realized how big this was. Parents and children of all ages just asking questions and sitting around with snacks while someone read. A couple of them drawing pictures, older students talking to Margo about potential placements for her publishing office. Everyone seemed to be busy and happy.
"We did what we could in short notice. Margo wanted a bouncy house. " I joked
"Margo or you?" Jacob asked and I couldn't help but smile. And the weirdest thing happened, he grinned even bigger and shifted his hip to hit mine playfully. Holy shit.
"definitely Margo. I would've just done it. "
"nice. "
"what do you do? " I asked not wanting the conversation to end
"I actually own an automotive shop. "
My heart sank, of course. The textile shirt he wore last time was only obvious. But I had hoped it wasn't true. And I couldn't help my face just drop.
"It makes good money… "he seemed to read my face and I immediately shook my head at him in hopes to stop whatever train of thought he was having.
"No, No. It's not that. I don't care what you make… money wise… I mean I understand the hurt Native Americans get from the Government and all the bullshit with money and reservations and… " I was an idiot and I let out a deep breath and grabbed my coffee. Taking a giant sip before looking up at a confused but amused Jacob.
"My fathers a mechanic. Cars really aren't my thing. "
It had a lot to do with my separation anxiety and constant need for affection. Dads work took over my life and in years that I needed both mom and dad they were pushing for the America they believed in. And that meant less time for me with them.
"oh, that's cool. Where's does he work? "Jacob asked curiously
"In California, he opened up a stupid shop years ago and doesn't think about settling down either. "Unfortunately, dad was a workaholic and my mother was his secretary.
"cool, I have a stupid shop up on the reservation. "he smirked and I nearly through myself off the cliffs.
"Relax, I won't hold it against you. I hate reading so we can call it even. "
"I'm not asking you to not hold anything against me. "
Jacob's brow quirked up and I swore it was like watching Aqua man all over again.
"You're a tough cookie, aren't you? "
"Umm, I don't know. Depends on the mood. "
"when do I get the nice you? "he asked
I shrugged
"Should you get the nice me? "
"That's up to you, isn't it? You don't owe me anything, Noelle. But doesn't mean I don't want to get to know you. "
My eyes looked up at Jacob. And even behind the dark shades of my glasses I felt like he was staring into my eyes. The dark irises of his melting into mine as if he knew the hesitation I held. And a large part of me felt as if he knew also the giant impulses, I was having to keep him close and talking.
"Noelle? "
My eyes snapped away from Jacob and to a confused Margo. Her green eyes went from Jacob and I over and over again as if she was putting a puzzle together. Mouth slightly agape until it was firmly pressed together.
"you okay, Margo? " I asked concerned as I stood up.
Margo reassured me. Her hand held up to stop me from moving as she approached us.
"And you are?" She asked Jacob who looked a little taken back from a bold Margo. I watched Jacob's face twist with confusion.
"Margo Moony ? , is that you ? "
Margo's shoulders weren't tense immediately but leave it to her to get her compose back.
The man was wheeled over by a boy who looked similar to Jacob. Shaggy black hair and a happy go lucky smile as he met my gaze and waved happily. MY awkward ass did the same thing until Margo reached for my hand and patted it lovingly by her side. A soft growl coming from Jacob that really made me stop and eye him. I never really heard something like that from a human before, mostly my dogs.
"William Black, nice to see you! " Margo was being fake but then again this was William Black. The William Black…Black… Holy shit.
Realization hit my face and I know Jacob noticed something was up. His head tilted to the side as he studied me.
"you knew we'd be here Margo. "William confessed
And that's when my distaste started for the pompous William. He rolled in here all high and mighty and really expected Margo to bow down. Nope, not Queen Margo.
"Well, William. You are known to say you'd do something and not follow through. "
And that's the tea, sis. In my mind I applauded, Margo. A giant Jenna Marbles "Hell Yeah" for standing up for herself. But I couldn't help but see Jacob scowling at my mentor.
William just smiled through his burn and then turned to look at me. His fake smile changed the moment his gaze landed on my face. Hos facial features were softened, and a genuine smile graced his lips as he wheeled himself closer.
"Billy Black, dear. "he held out his hand and as I reached for it Margo beat me to the punch.
"this is my one of my editors, Noelle Nolasco. "The way Margo said it was a warning. Not to me, but to Billy. And from the looks in Jacob's eyes I could see he wasn't to happy with whatever fight was being made.
"I'm Noelle, Sir. Thank you for letting us do this. "
Margo set back, her hand left my hand as she held a hardcover book in her hand.
"No problem, my dear. Jacob here was really for it. Really wanted to get this thing going off the ground before I was able to read the request. "Billy smirked and I felt better maybe he wasn't so bad.
"he was wide awake by 6. "the man behind Billy said. My eyes looked over at a flustered Jacob. The apples of his cheeks a furious red. Damn, maybe life was going to be good.
"shut up, Seth." Jacob elbowed the guy and I let a giggle escape my lips that only made Jacob stare at me.
"For someone who doesn't read, you sure were excited? " I said
"Maybe it wasn't the reading that made me want to do this." He retorted
"My names Seth, Jacobs right hand man." The man pushed past Jacob and broke whatever moment we had to stand in front of me.
"Hi Seth."
"you guys should come to the bonfire tonight. " Seth said
"We would like to formally invite your group, Margo. Tell our own stories and let you guy be the ones to listen."
Margo's thin lips were pressed tight as I elbowed her lightly.
"is this something youre interested in, Noelle. "
I looked over at Jacob whose eyes seemed to plead with me to go. Seth was practically jumping and smiling with encouragement and Billy was watching me closely.
I shrugged my shoulders.
"If Matty could come, I'm down. "
Jacob's smile was contagious and soon everyone was smiling but Margo who has a stiff fake grin that I knew too well.
"We'll be there, William."
SO, I KNOW IVE CREATED TRUST ISSUES BETWEEN US. I DONT UPDATE FOR A FEW WEEKS AND ALL TRUST IS GONE BUT I ALREADY EXPLAINED MYSELF. WHAT REALLY GIVES ME AMMO TO WRITE IS TO BE ABLE TO READ YOUR THOUGHTS ON THIS LITTLE WORLD IM CREATING.
GIVE ME THINGS YOU WANT TO SEE? MAYBE SOME COOL AS POP CULTURE REFRENCES? ARE YOU LIKING THE CHARACTERS? IS THERE SOMETHING YOU DONT LIKE?
IM ALL EARS AND JUST WANT TO HEAR YOU ALL. IM NICE, I SWEAR.
PLEASE REVIEW AND ILL GET BACK TO YOU ALL SOON!