Matteus was not having a particularly good day.
A few hours ago, he had suddenly been forced awake by something. Whatever it was that had done so had so far remained unidentified, but that didn't stop Matteus from being more than a little pissed off at it.
Because whenever Matteus woke up, his endless hunger soon followed suit.
And that generally did not result in a good time for anyone.
The one bright spot to this day, he thought, would have to be the soon-to-be delicious morsels that he was currently beating the tar out of. Or, that's what he would have liked to say, if it weren't for the fact that the complete opposite was happening.
Whoever these morsels were, he would have to admit that they were no ordinary delicacies. They had seemingly remained undaunted by his stony curse giving them a time limit, and every time Matteus killed one of them, he found that they would soon get right back up and keep fighting like their life hadn't just ended.
Something that had slightly disturbed him since the battle began was how similar one of his opponents was to himself. They had the same outfit, the same long blonde hair, and he would occasionally switch his weapon out for a sword that looked like a perfect replica of his own prized Berzerker. Not to mention that every time they found themselves in a blade-lock, neither one could trump the other in terms of raw strength. The only difference was that the morsel was a human, and not a golem like Matteus.
Which, in retrospect, only seemed to make his insane power even more unbelievable. How could a being of such deliciously weak flesh possess strength on a level as ridiculous as his?
And that wasn't counting all the outlandish abilities of his allies. Matteus found the morsel with the large milk-orbs and the small cat to be the more annoying ones, as one was constantly being shielded by his counterpart, letting her repeatedly nuke him using her ludicrous magical power with impunity, while the other was much too small to consistently land attacks on, and would often distract him to let the others get some free hits in.
That wasn't to say that the other two didn't contribute plenty. The morsel with all the advanced tech would occasionally attack Matteus with bombs that apparently fell from nowhere, and that blasted fancy car was never far behind, shooting him with everything it had whenever an opening was presented to it. He wondered how the metal behemoth was able to maneuver so effectively within the temple housing the great clash, but that was quickly pushed to the side.
And then there was the morsel with the bow. She had been largely relegated to a support role, as most of her skills seemed to be rendered ineffective against his earthen nature. But that didn't mean she was dead weight, oh no. He would often find himself struck with perfectly-aimed arrows, usually landing in his eyes or joints or somewhere else that debilitated him. To Matteus, she was more of a nuisance than an annoyance, but the fact that she contributed still stood.
All these factors combined led to him completely exhausting his emergency supply of bacon in an attempt to stay on his feet, and though he would never admit it, that scared him a little. They were running out of time, sure, but that only made the feat more impressive - to be so powerful as to force him to run out of reserve fuel completely within such a short period was no small task.
In fact, Matteus was already beginning to feel his last crispy fat-induced burst of strength slipping away. All the various status effects he had been hit with weren't helping matters. At the moment, he was still reeling from Weaken, Tired, Bad Luck, and a few others he couldn't name off the top of his head. It was becoming harder and harder to move and swing his sword effectively, and his vision was becoming progressively dimmer as the minutes wore on.
But he held onto the hope that he would have his meal at the end of the day. If he held out just a little longer, the curse would take full effect and the morsels would be rendered unable to fight.
That was the sole thought that kept him going, even after taking another massive column of light magic to the face and suffering through yet another impalement via giant holy sword.
He retaliated with a triple Cataclysm, spawning three oversized blades from the earth below them. Two of the three were dodged, while the last hit Matteus' double. As expected of one who took his visage, he simply shrugged it off like it was nothing and lashed out with another brutal 9-hit combo of slashes and stabs, forcing the golem back.
It was then that something Matteus had never expected to happen came to pass.
Out of the blue, he was struck by a sticky projectile that expanded in a flash to become a large web, rooting him to the ground where he stood. Glancing in the direction the attack had come from, he spotted… a Putrid Worm. One of the lowliest types of foe to exist in the world.
Matteus began to mentally rage at the fact that such a low-level monster had been able to land a blow on him…
...and was promptly interrupted by the large metal container that fell on him from above.
He had no idea what was going on at the moment. The one suggestion that came to mind was struggling to escape his abrupt confinement…
...but that was soon rendered impossible.
His prison flashed white, and suddenly, Matteus felt something inside of him snap with such force that it knocked him clear off his feet, blasting the newly-grown silk strings away. His sword flew out of his hands, spinning end over end in the air before planting itself in the ground next to him.
The force wasn't limited to just his body, though - his mind felt it just as much, if not more. That ended up leaving Matteus in a completely catatonic state, for what seemed like quite a while. He could hear what seemed like voices coming from outside his cage, yet he didn't move a stony muscle. He didn't even notice the container being lifted and removed. He simply remained with his back to the ground, giving the ceiling a dead-eyed stare.
The party of five he had just been battling then filled his vision, apparently debating amongst themselves on the subject of the creature they had just captured.
"Uh… did we break him?" Asked the one with the bow.
"I don't know. This is the first time I've ever seen a captured foe act like this." Answered the one with the staff.
"Well… maybe we could try feeding it? It did seem to go on and on about food while it was trying to kill us. And… eat us, apparently." Said the one with the gun. That statement also seemed to unnerve the blonde one and that cat.
But the mention of food seemed to do the trick, as Matteus immediately snapped to a sitting position, twisting his head around like he was desperately searching for something. A small bit of drool could be seen escaping the corner of his rocky mouth.
"Food? Where?! Where's the food?!"
The sudden movement spooked the party, all of them jumping back a few feet in surprise. The one in the officer's garb looked to be a hair's breadth away from shooting him with the revolver he was carrying.
In his shock, Matteus' counterpart failed to notice that a partially-wrapped hamburger had escaped its confinement and was falling to the ground from wherever he had stored it. The faint sound of it hitting the floor forced Matteus' attention to lock on to it at speeds rivaling those of the resident no-legged cat.
When he realized what the object was, what little inhibitions he had flew right out the window.
"FOOOOOD!"
Matteus instantly lunged towards the delicious treat, while the other four people (and one cat) in the room were left completely dumbfounded at the events unfolding before their eyes. But when he began to chow down on the bit of sustenance, wrapping included, the human swordsman realized exactly what it was.
"Wait a second-HEY! THAT'S MY EMERGENCY BURGER! WHAT THE HELL DO YOU THINK YOU'RE DOING?!"
He made as if to separate the golem from the food, but was too late, as it had already disappeared down the creature's throat.
What happened next completely changed Matteus forever.
The moment he felt the burger hit his stomach… his unending desire to consume everything, his most prominent and quite honestly, the only character trait he possessed that he considered worth noting, disappeared completely.
He blinked. Once. Twice.
And then he lost consciousness.
When Matteus came to, he was lying on a bed in an unfamiliar place.
He slowly sat up and looked around. He had never been outside the Temple of Trials before, so anything that wasn't black stone, red-tinted glass, or chandeliers was completely foreign to him.
He saw none of those things where he was at the moment. What he did see was a lot of varying shades of brown, a tiny bit of green, and a fair amount of black.
That, and the five faces he had come to know as his captors.
But, for some reason, despite knowing that they were the ones responsible for his current state, he… couldn't find the effort within himself to continue the fight or eat them.
Then he noticed that he wasn't hungry.
That led him to once again collapse on the bed and think about what that meant, despite the fact that thinking had never been his strong suit.
That also attracted the attention of the others, who now crowded around him, yet stayed oddly silent.
Eventually, after a brief brainpower moment, Matteus came to a conclusion.
These five faces had somehow ridded him of his desire to kill and eat every living thing he happened to come across.
That meant he was now completely devoid of a purpose in life.
As such, he was in need of a new one.
But he wasn't going to take up any new path. No, it would have to be one that would utilize the skills he had to their fullest potential.
Said skills being his natural talent for hitting things until they died with a slab of metal about as large as he was tall, and having the stomach of an undefeated competitive speed eater.
With that in mind, he sat up once more and turned to the four humans and one cat that had bested him in combat, and offered a proposal.
"Can I come with you guys?"
A/N: You can't tell me that Matt wouldn't carry around an emergency burger at all times if he had the chance.
Anyway...
To all you fans of the Evil Players out there, I present to you this silly little thing.
The idea behind this soon-to-be stupid series of misadventures came to me when I was summoning the superbosses in battle so I could see what they had to say. After doing so, I thought "hey, nobody's really explored the capture mechanic yet... I wonder what would happen if I took that budding idea and ran with it?" So I wrote up this.
I haven't finished the second chapter yet, but you can soon expect to see the wacky shenanigans of a literal blockhead, religious pyromaniac, combat cyborg, and kawaii devil. With occasional appearances of a super saiyan cat that may or may not be God.
See you then!
[TRANSMISSION ENDED]