Time to Choose

Naminé had a somber expression as she greeted us in the mansion foyer. 'Are you ready to join with Sora?'

'No, I'm not!' I blurted out. 'Should I do it just because DiZ says so? How can I know you're the good guys?'

Naminé beckoned us both down a corridor. There was a library at the far end with colorful books on the shelves. 'Bad or good? I don't know. DiZ and the Organization for that matter are just a group of incomplete people who wish to be whole.'

The words struck me. It was why Axel felt the same as me. He was from the Organization too. Naminé said I had been once too, but I couldn't remember.

'They're desperately searching for something,' Naminé continued.

'For what?' I asked.

'Kingdom Hearts,' Axel interjected.

'All right. So, say I went along with this. Say I wanted to help them get Kingdom Hearts, what's gonna happen to me now?'

'It's a good question,' said Axel as we walked side-by-side.

'You are–.' And Naminé stopped. She turned into blocks of data that dissolved into thin air right beside us.

A new guy appeared in her place. He stood between us and the library. He looked to me through the one eye hole in his red hood. His jacket was an oxblood red with a cutout at its centre. It almost resembled a missing heart.

'DiZ,' I said.

Axel gripped my shoulder tightly.

DiZ spoke to me in a commanding tone. 'There is no knowledge that has the power to change your fate.'

'I still want to know,' I answered. 'I have the right to know.'

'A nobody doesn't have the right to know. Nor does it even have the right to be.'

'What even is a nobody?' I asked him.

Naminé spawned back into the room. She called out to me from behind DiZ. 'Nobodies like us are only half a person. You won't disappear. You will be whole!'

'Wait. What do you mean?'

DiZ took hold of Naminé. 'No further outbursts!'

A third figure appeared out of thin air. He stood beside DiZ and wore a thick, black cloak. 'We're out of time.'

A dark portal opened up behind Naminé, swirling in a haze of black and purple.

DiZ tried to force her through the portal, but Naminé struggled against him. 'Roxas!' she cried. 'We will meet again. And then we can talk about everything. I may not know it's you, and you may not know it's me. But we will meet again. Someday soon. I promise!'

'Let her go!' I called out. 'Naminé!'

But they all vanished into a bright light. DiZ, Naminé, the cloaked figure and Axel were gone. They left me in the hallway in front of the library, alone. I straightened the jacket round my shoulders and tugged up the pointed zipper pull. What the hell was I supposed to do?

I stepped into the library. The whole floor glowed brilliant white and faded away to reveal a gray-blue staircase. I followed it down to a basement that was cold, dark, and hummed with electronic machinery.

There were stacks of servers that looked like one giant Playstation with a flat-screen TV beside it. The lights on the servers blinked as packets of data were chained together to form the simulation that was playing. I saw Hayner, Olette and Pence living out their lives, carrying on with their summer vacation without me. They were just data. None of it had been real. I could see the datastream and lines of code that held the illusion together. The illusion that had been my life.

I couldn't go back to it now even if I wanted to.

I heard a door slide open. Axel stepped through. 'There you are.'

'This place is like a magic funhouse,' I said.

He chuckled but there was a serious edge to his expression. 'You made up your mind yet?'

I tugged at his cloak and hugged him. He hugged me back. The smell of warm leather was familiar. 'What choice have I got?' I said into his chest.

He took hold of my hand and led me through a further corridor. 'You can run away with me. Or you can stay here and join with Sora.'

'Aren't they gonna force me to join with him?'

'Aha, well they think I'm escorting you,' Axel explained. 'Turns out Axel's smarter than the lot of them.'

'No kidding,' I said.

He tapped some numbers on a keypad and a door slid open. 'This way,' he said.

We were in another long hallway, only this one had pipes and electrical wires running along it. There were two weird, bulb-shaped capsules at the far end in the shape of tulips that hadn't opened.

I went up to one of them and behind the glass I saw that duck from my dreams. Donald was fast asleep. Eyes closed. Yellow beak shut tight.

In the next pod was Goofy. His eyes were closed, his face cast down with big, floppy ears resting either side.

They both looked so peaceful as they slept there. Suspended. Waiting.

'I know these guys.' My words echoed round the chamber.

'They're Sora's companions aren't they,' said Axel.

'Yeah.' I took hold of Axel's hand. 'This is so weird, Axel. To tell you the truth, I'm a little scared.'

He pulled me in close and kissed me on the cheek. 'Don't be. Just a little further. This way.'

The next room was spacious and gray but dominated by an even larger pod at its center. As we walked up to it, the form of DiZ phased in again in an array of blocks.

DiZ stood between me and the pod. 'At last, the keyblade's chosen one,' he said.

'Who are you talking to?' I asked. 'Me or Sora?'

'To half of Sora, of course. It is time for you to join with him and become whole.'

'No!' I called out. I ran at him and the keyblade appeared in my hands. I struck at him with the blade, but it went right through him.

'My apologies. This is only a data-based projection.'

DiZ disappeared and my keyblade pointed right at the pod. A shaft of light shot out from the end and struck at its center between the overlap of two petals. Axel came and stood beside me as the whole thing unfurled. The petals bent away and I took in a breath.

Inside was the sleeping boy. He looked a little like me. In fact I might have grown up to be a lot like him if I had stayed to graduate high school and had another couple of years to grow. He was slightly broader-shouldered than me, hair a little less messy and a little darker. He looked less boyish but he was still a short-ass. I noticed he wore a silver crown-shaped necklace which had pointed tips. It was like my zipper pull, which had four similar points arranged in a cross. I hung onto it and felt its points.

Seeing Sora there, I didn't expect it to have such an impact on me. There was some kind of pull, like I was drawn to him, like we were supposed to be together. I had been with him in my dreams, seen so many of his exploits and times with his friends, and now he was there, stopped in time, awaiting rescue, waiting for me. His other half. Could I really just leave him here? I thought I was ready to leave with Axel, but now I wasn't so sure.

Axel's foot tapped impatiently by the doorway. 'Come on, buddy. Are you coming with me or are you staying with him?'

I could see the strain in his eyes, I could hear the worry in his voice. Sora needed me. But I had to try for myself. I had to see if I could lead a life of my own. Would a life with Axel be better? It was a tough decision to make, but I took a deep breath and followed Axel through the door. He didn't see me glance back at the sleeping boy to take one final look at him. One final look at the boy I turned my back on. Poor guy.

There was a weird rumbling sound that grew higher in pitch as he pushed on ahead. It sounded like a huge engine revving up to speed.

'Dammit!' Axel cried. 'I told them to wait for me!' He sprinted ahead and beckoned for me to follow. 'Come on, Roxas!'

He darted across another room and through a door that led to a smoke-filled hangar. As I ran after him a hooded figure rushed inside. He blocked my path and and thumped on the panel to make the door slide closed.

I could still hear the whine of the engine behind it.

His hair was silver.

'I know you,' I said. 'You're Riku.'

'Turn back,' he said. 'Join with him.'

'No! I choose my own destiny. I'm choosing to go my own way.'

'With another nobody? What good will that do?'

'It will do me a world of good, because I love him,' I said.

Recognition flickered across Riku's face.

'I know what you feel for Sora. I've seen what you guys had,' I said.

His silver-blue eyes flashed bright. 'If you really knew how I felt, you'd be getting him back for me.'

'I can't, Riku. I'm sorry.' I pushed past him.

He shoved me bodily away from the door. 'No, I'm sorry.' A keyblade appeared in his hand. It was dark and red.

I got to my feet and two keyblades appeared, one in each of my hands. Riku charged at me and I fought with both blades. One forehand, one backhand. It was like there were two fires inside of me, burning bright.

'I won't let you stop me!' I shouted as I charged at him.

He blocked my strike. 'You can't abandon him!'

I struck again. 'You're making this harder than it needs to be.'

'You look so much like him. This is breaking my heart.' Riku dodged and swirled around for another hit, which I dived away from.

'You're lucky you have a heart to be broken in the first place,' I called out, as I tumbled away. 'You're lucky you had a chance to be with Sora. I want the same with Axel. It's my turn!' I rushed at him, both keyblades held forward.

'You're just half of what Sora is. You're destined to be a part of him.' Riku tried to fend me off with his own, single blade.

'I don't give a crap what he is.' I slashed at him. 'I don't care if I'm a half or a nobody. I'm Roxas and I'm making my own destiny, dammit!' I slashed again and again.

The keyblades clanged as Riku fended off my attacks. He finally stepped back and lowered his weapon. His shoulders heaved as he caught his breath. 'You're too strong. Sora is destined to fight the darkness and spread the light. I hope you use your half of his power to do the same.'

'I will,' I said as I wiped my forehead. The keyblades vanished from my hands.

'Goodbye, Sora. If you're still in there.' Riku darted out the door and he was gone.

Goodbye, Riku.

He was still there inside of me. If I had a heart it would have jumped up into my throat. I was splitting them apart so I could be with Axel.

I remembered a conversation we'd had, when I was asleep. When I was halfway between my own world and his.

'I'm a long way from home,' Sora had said. 'A long way. But I think we're connected so you can help me.'

'Help you? But how?'

'I don't know, Roxas. But you'll find a way.'

'I guess I'll try. No promises though. I'm not in the habit of doing things strange people ask me in my dreams.'

'It's cool. And Roxas?'

'Yeah?'

'Thank you,' he replied.

Fucking thank you. The boy was hanging on waiting for me to do the right thing and all he could do was sit back and politely say thank you. He was definitely a good guy. In fact he was too nice for his own good. He had all these friends—Riku, Kairi, Donald, Goofy, King Mickey. And who did I have? Memories of Hayner, Olette and Pence. And now Axel. He was my King.

Axel came skidding out the door. 'Come on, buddy. Chip and Dale say we've got one minute until our ship is locked out. We gotta take off now!'

I wanted to reply but nothing came out my throat but a loud sob. Everything blurred. Tears streamed down my face.

Axel came up to me. He held my chin. 'What is it, baby?'

I hugged him. I held him tight. I held him so fucking tight and I wanted the world to end there in that moment so we could be together. Forever.

Nothing is forever.

'I've got to save him, Axel.'

He didn't reply. He only held me tighter.

'I'm so sorry,' I sobbed into his shoulder. 'I'm so fucking sorry.'

Axel ruffled my hair. He looked down at me. Tears were streaming down his face too. 'I'm sorry I made it difficult for you,' he said.

'Don't be. You showed me love, you showed me kindness. You showed me that actually, I really did have a heart. Maybe not like everyone else, but one that's good enough.'

'Me too, buddy.' He kissed me. He tasted of fiery, hot pepper. I thought back to all the times we had kissed, all the times we had been at each other's sides. There were too few of them. We could have had a life together.

A strange, high-pitched voice called out from where the ship was revving up. 'Come on, Axel!'

Finally our kiss ended.

Axel ruffled my hair one final time. 'I love you,' he said.

'I love you too.' And I broke down. I could barely see for the tears. I could barely commit myself to the decision. My heart wanted to be with Axel. But Sora had so many people to save. I had to do it not just for Sora, but for everybody else.

Axel made the first step away. 'I'll never forget you, buddy. I got it memorized.' He tapped his temple, then he turned and walked away.

The sounds of the ship roared louder as he ran away.

I made myself turn back to Sora. Back to the boy who had thanked me. The boy who had waited patiently for me. The boy who Naminé had guided me to help. The boy who had Riku's love but was still missing his other half. He was missing me.

I ran back into the room with the pod at the center. I wiped the tears away from my eyes with my sweatband and I pressed my hands against the glass. Our faces were inches apart.

'You're lucky,' I said to him. 'It looks like my summer vacation is over.'

The glass fizzled away and Sora came stumbling out. He opened his eyes and looked right at me. Recognition spread across his face. 'You made it,' he said softly.

'Yeah. I did it for you.'

He stepped forward, arms outstretched. He hugged me. He felt warm. His scent was familiar. And just like in the dream he spoke to me. 'Thank you, Roxas.'

And as we hugged I felt my body merge with his.

I rested inside of him and it felt right. I felt like I was someplace home, someplace safe.