Hey all!
Next chapter up. The title of this chapter comes from the song The Point of No Return, from the Phantom of the Opera. The last line of the chapter reminded me of the song.
Please review! I have no idea if anyone is even still reading this story or not, so reviewing will help me know if y'all like it or not. Thanks!
Enjoy!
Connor stared down at the little earpiece he'd just extracted from his ear, frown prominent on his face.
Apparently, contacting Markus was not as easy as he had hoped it would be. Markus hadn't left any way to contact them on the laptop, expect for a single highly encrypted photo that he hadn't been able to crack, and the earpiece wasn't connected on the other side. He supposed it made sense, given how the FBI had shown up (and wasn't that nerve wracking?), but it made it that much harder to tell the man about the access key.
Even thinking about the key, though, made a bubble of excitement rise up in Connor. It was perfect. He'd heard of the messaging facility before, though he'd never been to the proper sub level. If he could get a message out to everyone Cyber had worked on… it would free thousands of his people in one fell swoop.
And to think Hank had been the one to figure this plan out… Connor always knew that Hank would be an asset in their fight, but this just proved it. Connor couldn't help the warmth he felt when he thought of the man, smile finding its way on his face despite his frustrations at not being able to contact Markus.
Connor still didn't know quite what he felt for Hank, but God was it strong. It made his insides tingle when he even thought of the man, heart full to bursting. When Hank had shown him the flash drive and told him what it was… he had felt an intense desire to kiss the man, so strong he had almost listened to it. He had turned it into a hug at the last second, but God had he wanted to kiss him. He'd been stunned at first, unable to comprehend the words, but as soon as he understood exactly what it meant he had been so ecstatic.
After what had happened with Special Agent Perkins, his cool, threatening words… it had been amazing. To know that they had one last trick up their sleeves.
Connor had felt so hopeless when Perkins had spoken to him the day prior, his eyes hard and uncaring on Connor. He'd told Connor such horrible things, trying to get him to talk. The interrogation only lasted twenty minutes, until Rose demanded they stop harassing her patient, but it had left him feeling cold inside. The idea that Hank could be sent away, where he'd never see him again…
President Warren had still not given a statement about Cyber. From what Connor could tell, the whole world was buzzing about the news but the president had remained ominously silent on the matter. Connor knew why. She was involved deeply in Cyber and CyberLife. A lot of her funding for her campaign had come from the company and its subset. Connor figured that she must be intimately involved in Cyber's workings and didn't want the Company's existence to become public knowledge.
Which, he reminded himself as he looked back down at the earpiece in his hand, was why he had to contact Markus immediately. He'd taken a quick look on the computer earlier that morning, at around 3:00 AM, and had found that the popular social media sites seemed to show that they had the public favor. But quite a few people were doubting the validity of Markus's words. If they didn't come out with a hard hitter, and if the president denied the existence of the Company… President Warren was a charismatic lady; when she spoke, people tended to believe her. If she denied Cyber…
They'd lose the war. And yes, Connor felt. It was a war. This would end badly if something didn't happen. If the public ignored what Cyber was doing, then Cyber would just make things harder for those under its control. They'd let Markus go, for lack of a better word. They knew where he had been hiding and hadn't done anything to him for years. But after all this, Markus and people like Markus (and now him) would be murdered. Anyone who defied Cyber would be hunted down and slaughtered.
The thought chilled Connor, fist clenching around the earpiece. For most of his life, the thought of death hadn't scare Connor. It was… inevitable. Everyone died. Why bother fear it? But now, now that Connor had something he wanted to live for, now that he finally knew what it meant to truly be 'alive…' he didn't want to die. In fact, the thought terrified him. What would happen to Hank if he died? What would happen to him if he died? Would he go to heaven? Would heaven even accept a person like him?
So this had to work. He had to contact Markus and tell him about the key. And if he couldn't… then he'd have to finish this plan by himself. He'd done enough solo missions that it wouldn't be hard. He just hoped he wouldn't have to.
Unclenching his fist, Connor stood and moved to put the earpiece away. As he was placing the tile back, nice and secure, he heard a knock at the door. Connor frowned, taking a look at the time. It was only 3:30. Dinner wasn't until 6:00, and he'd already had lunch at noon. Hank wouldn't need to knock on the door, so who was looking for him? Connor's heart froze when he wondered if it was Perkins again, wanting another chance to interrogate him. God, he hoped not. The knock sounded again, a bit more impatient this time, causing Connor to scramble to open it. Best not to aggravate whoever it was.
"Coming!" He called, arriving at the door in five seconds flat. He opened the door with a strained smile, relaxing a little when he saw it was just one of the orderlies, a kind faced older gentleman.
"Good afternoon, Connor. You have a visitor today. A stern looking African American woman. She's waiting for you in the common room when you're ready," the man said, smiling. Connor tried to smile back, but his heart had stopped.
There was only one woman fitting that description who'd come to specifically to visit him. Even as part of him hoped he was wrong, most of him knew his assumption had to be correct.
"Oh! Of, of course. I'll be right down," Connor replied. Then he closed the door and tried to calm his racing heart.
Okay. Alright. It wasn't like he hadn't been expecting this. Amanda would never just let him go. Not without showing how disappointed she was in him. Not without, without punishing him. So it wasn't like this was completely out of the blue.
But it did not bode well for him. He'd never been able to lie to Amanda. Not fully. She always saw through him. But he'd have to lie, now. She was bound to ask the same sort of questions Perkins did, but she would be so much more affective.
Taking deep breaths, Connor did what he had always done as a child and pushed everything down. The panic. The fear. It was useless to feel such things. Useless to worry. Once his mind was clear of emotion, he created a course of action. He devised a plan and would follow it completely.
It took him five minutes to prepare, then he opened his door and headed for the common room. He ignored everyone he passed, shoulders back, neck held high, back stiff and straight. Like he used to always walk, before coming here. Before meeting Hank. It almost felt foreign, despite the fact he had walked like this for the vast majority of his life.
As he exited the staircase, he looked around the room, eyes falling on the one person he knew best, and yet knew absolutely nothing about.
She was sitting primly in one of the green chairs, hands folded neatly on her lap, face devoid of all emotion. Her black hair was pulled back, away from her face, exaggerating the harsh lines. Her eyes were shrewd as they looked around the room, distaste clear in the way her mouth was set. Connor pushed down the rush of anxiety and walked stiffly over to the woman.
"Amanda. Hello. It is good to see you," Connor claimed, voice mechanical. Amanda looked up at him at that, eyes cool, hints of disapproval entering them. Connor felt nothing as he looked at her. At least, that's what he forced himself to feel.
"Connor. I wish I could say the same."
Cool. Detached. Disapproving. Connor continued to stand, staring into the foreground. He could never take that look from her. Even as a child.
"Please, have a seat. We have much to discuss."
Well. That was surprising. She wished to speak here? Not somewhere private? Connor pushed down his surprises and did as she said, taking a seat in the chair that had been pulled up in front of hers. He sat with his hands firmly in his lap, mirroring her, not fidgeting at all.
"I've been hearing some… interesting things about you, Connor. I'd like to ask you about them."
Connor pushed down his slowly mounting fear and looked emotionlessly at Amanda.
"Of course, Amanda," he intoned, putting a pleasant, absent smile on his lips. Amanda nodded, turning imperceptibly towards him, all her attention focused on him.
"I've heard that you've been helping Markus and his cause. Tell me, Connor. Is this true?"
Connor took a second to process the words, then went into the excuse he'd decided on before coming down to meet Amanda.
"Technically yes, it is. I've been offering my assistance to Markus in order to get him and his friends to trust me, but only so that I may complete my mission."
It made sense. That way he technically wasn't lying, just bending the truth. Amanda frowned at him, suspicious.
"You mean the mission you failed?"
Connor ignored the stab of displeasure that hit him at the accusing words, instead nodding shortly.
"Yes. I wished to rectify my mistake."
Amanda stayed quiet for a moment, scrutinizing Connor.
"So you helped them expose the Company in order to succeed in your mission?" Amanda questioned, voice even. Connor didn't react, just shook his head.
"Amanda, I would never," he insisted, putting only a hint of emotion in his voice. Very controlled, though. "I wanted them to trust me so I could stop their plans. I had gotten close, but ultimately they kept their plans hidden from me. All I knew was that they had planned to expose the Company. That is all."
Amanda hummed softly in consideration, before standing carefully. The room had started to fill, making their conversation no longer private. Connor stood as well, adjusting his shirt cuffs as he did. The only show of nerves he would allow. Amanda started walking towards the hall while Connor trailed behind.
"Come, Connor. Let us take a walk through the garden outside," Amanda said, not bothering to look and see if Connor followed or not. Connor did, of course. He had no other choice.
They reached the gardens soon, Connor holding the door open for his pseudo mother, following a few steps behind her. The air was cold, snow falling lightly, but neither reacted to it. They just sauntered around the dead rose bushes, saying nothing.
After five minutes had passed, Amanda stopped at a small table and chair set that stood in the center of the garden, away from prying eyes. Connor held out the seat for her as she took a seat gracefully, gesturing for Connor to do the same. Connor did, rounding the table and sitting as gracefully as possible. He'd done his best to keep a tight grasp on his emotions, eyes blank as he looked at the closest thing he'd ever had to a mother. After another minute of silence, she spoke.
"I'm very disappointed in you, Connor. I fear that you've forgotten our mission."
Connor couldn't stop the way his heart clenched at her cool words, a minute flinch marring his emotionless demeanor. He hated disappointing Amanda. While he no longer believed in the Company, there was still a part of him that loved the woman. That wanted her to be proud of him. Amanda saw the flinch, her frown deepening.
"I, I would never forget the mission, Amanda. I promise you."
Amanda just stared coolly at him, before looking away at the bushes.
"I should hope not. You had such promise, Connor. My crowning achievement. The most advanced prototype the Company has ever created. It would be such a shame if you forgot what it is we are trying to do here," she stated. Connor's heart tugged, but he mercilessly pushed the feeling away. Emotions were useless. He had to remember that here.
"I understand, Amanda. I will never forget."
Amanda returned her eyes to him, blank and cold. Connor returned the gaze.
"Good. So tell me. Were you able to find out where they are hiding?"
At least he could be honest here. Shaking his head, Connor looked Amanda in the eye as he spoke.
"Unfortunately not. I was unable to gain their trust enough to get them to tell me much of anything. I tried to hack into Dr. Chapman's computer to figure out what she might know, since they seem close to her, but I was interrupted by Captain Allen."
There. That should tie up any last loose ends. That way, if Amanda was in contact with the Captain, he had a reason for why he was in Rose's office alone. As soon as he was finished speaking, the slight tension that had been in Amanda's shoulders released, the suspicion in her eyes fading. Connor could almost see the blue arrow in the corner of his vision, stating that he'd upgraded from "suspicious" to "trusted" once more. He didn't let his relief show.
"I see. Very well, Connor. I believe you. But you don't have to worry about Markus any longer. I've assigned your mission to Nines. He will finish what you started. After this is all over, I will make sure you can return home to us," she stated, voice softer than it had previously been. Her version of affection.
Connor carefully didn't show the fear that he felt. While he might have gained sympathy towards Markus and the cause, his brother never would. He was the perfect soldier, following orders to a tee. He had no idea what he'd do if he had to face off against his older brother. While they'd never been close, he could now admit that he felt some amount of affection towards the man.
Swallowing thickly, Connor nodded quick, putting a pleasant smile on his face.
"Of course. I'll wait here for the news. If you have need of me, I will be more than able to help."
Amanda nodded at that, before moving the conversation to more, seemingly pointless, topics. But Connor knew what she was doing. Testing him, his emotions. She would do this all the time, growing up. It meant she wanted to see how good he could force his emotions away. Or hose good he was able to lie. This went on for ten minutes, before she stopped, staring calmly at the bushes. Connor didn't move a muscle as she stared, mind blank as he awaited her further instruction.
Finally, after several long minutes, Amanda stood gracefully. Connor stood as well and took the arm she proffered to him, the pair wandering the garden, like they used to do at the house, when he still believed in the cause. The only difference was that this time, the world was cold and dead, frozen over with dreams of better times.
Eventually they made their way to the glass door that marked the entrance to the facility. Connor held the door open and watched as Amanda entered, following soon after. He ignored the ice that had entered his heart as they wandered back to the common room. In fact, he was so focused on remaining emotionless that he almost ran into someone who had also been trying to enter the common room. He was able to stop himself on time thanks to his proximity sensors, but the other person wasn't, causing the pair to collide. His heart simultaneously skyrocketed and plummeted when he heard the muffled curse let out, the gruff voice more than familiar.
"Ah, fuck. Watch where you're going," Hank grumbled, too focused on whatever he was looking at to realize who he had bumped into. Connor fidgeted, as Amanda looked back, eyebrow raised.
"Ah, I'm sorry, Lieutenant. I will endeavor to be more careful next time."
Well, that got Hank's attention. Connor watched as Hank's eyes widened, a huge grin forming on his face as he took in Connor. Despite how his heart raced, Connor made sure to keep his face blank, painfully aware of Amanda's presence a couple feet away.
"Kid! Hey! Whatcha doing here? I thought you were, you know…" Hank trailed off, eyes darting over to Amanda, seeming to notice her for the first time. Hank shut his mouth at that, face turning neutral as he recognized Connor's tension for what it was. Amanda didn't let it go, of course, walking over and taking Connor's arm, smiling her emotionless smile. Connor could have sworn he saw Hank shudder, but if he did, the man controlled himself a second later, offering the woman a pleasant smile.
"Connor. Who is this?" Amanda questioned, shrewd eyes eyeing Connor coolly. Connor looked at her, then back to Hank, who looked mildly uncomfortable.
"Amanda. This is Lieutenant Hank Anderson. He is my roommate here. Lieutenant, this is Amanda, my adoptive mother."
Connor did his best to sound detached, like he didn't care about what was happening. Hank gave him an odd look for it, but nodded slowly.
"Hey. It's, uh, nice to meet you. Connor's mentioned you before."
Hank sounded awkward, but held out his hand in greeting. Amanda looked at it and daintily put her hand within his, mouth tight when Hank shook it once.
"Charmed, I'm sure," Amanda intoned, cool eyes sliding away from Hank in obvious dismissal.
Connor wished he could smile genuinely at Hank, to let him know it was okay, that Amanda was just Like That, but he couldn't. Not unless he wanted Amanda to see just how much he cared for Hank. And that would be dangerous, for both of them. She wouldn't accept his excuse of wanting to befriend Hank to make life easier. She'd think it pointless. And maybe it had been pointless. Maybe he'd never wanted to befriend Hank to make life easier. Maybe he'd simply wanted to befriend Hank, even at the start, before he'd broken free of Cyb- the Company's mentality.
Connor blinked at the mental correction. Even now he hated calling the Company by its name, having spent so many years having it ingrained in him to call it 'the Company' while in public. If they won, how long would it take to erase all of those tiny, insignificant orders?
Putting his distressing thoughts aside, Connor nodded stiffly at Hank as Amanda continued walking, turning his eyes back to the common room as she led him, feeling Hank's eyes boring into his back. He walked Amanda to the entrance of the facility, no words passing between them. Before she exited, Connor holding open the door between the facility proper and the waiting room, she turned to him, eyes hard once more.
"I hope that you don't disappoint me further, Connor. I'm looking forward to having you return home. It would be a shame if things should fall apart now."
With that, Amanda calmly exited the facility, Connor staring after her with wide eyes, heart pounding. It wasn't until one of the nurses asked him if he was alright that he broke out of his trance, nodding stiffly as he went back into the facility proper. He marched back to his room, eyes fixed ahead of him, shoulders tense and taut. He didn't stop for anyone, not that anyone tried to stop him. He distantly hear Hank calling him once he entered the common room, but didn't stop even then. He needed to be alone.
Finally arriving in his shared room, Connor let out the sob that had been trapped in his throat for the past forty-five minutes, hand rising to try and muffle the cursed sound. Emotion was pointless, he tried to remind himself, tears crowding his eyes. It just distracted from the mission, he told himself, as the tears began to fall.
But no matter how hard he tried, he couldn't push away the sorrow that flooded him. He couldn't ignore the pain that seeing Amanda had caused within his heart. Once, all he had ever wanted was to please her. For her to look at him with warmth and pride, glad he was her son. But it had never happened. The most he'd ever gotten was a soft look of approval. And now, because of his wavering loyalty, he'd never have the chance to make her proud. If he ever had the ability to.
For some reason, the thought gutted him. No, he no longer could say he agreed with the Company, with-with Cyber any longer. But… it hurt. Knowing he'd never get the one thing he'd always desired most. Amanda's love.
More tears fell as he finally allowed himself to think his shameful, hidden desire. Love was useless, Amanda had said to him the one time he'd told her he loved her, when he'd been five. She had beaten him, then, claiming that it would only make him stronger. He hadn't understood at the time, tears streaming down his round, childish face. But she hadn't stopped, not until all his tears had dried, satisfied that he had been adequately punished.
Nines had sat next to him for an hour after that, saying nothing, though his presence had been a comfort regardless. Nines had later told him that he shouldn't say things like that again. That he'd only get hurt if he did. Connor took the words to heart and had never told anyone he loved them again, but he couldn't stop his heart from feeling it. Couldn't stop the way he desired to love, and to be loved.
But he'd had to hide it. No matter what, he wasn't allowed to share how his heart would burn. He suddenly remembered a young boy he'd grown close to when he was aged ten to eleven, a child who lived down the street from their house. While Connor hadn't been allowed to leave the house often, he had been given some liberties after his tenth birthday. He'd befriended the young boy pretty quickly, the boy finding his emotionless voice and expression funny, rather than deterring.
He could tell now that he'd loved that boy, strongly, fiercely. But he'd never allowed himself to feel it. Eventually the boy grew up, no longer finding the emotionless Connor a good companion. Connor had watched as the boy befriended other people, smiling, happy people, and had pushed away the pain it had caused in his heart. Pain was useless. Sorrow meant nothing. The boy, he had told himself, late at night as he stared at the ceiling, meant nothing.
He wondered about that boy now, as he sat on his bed, tears falling freely. How things would have been different if he'd just been allowed to express how he'd felt. He knew he had hurt the boy, never even acknowledging that they were friends. Maybe they would have grown close, had Connor just been allowed to show emotion. Maybe they would have become a couple, sharing sweet kisses on the boy's bed, his parents out for the night. Maybe they could have run away together, escaping the life of heartache and sorrow Connor had grown up in, yet had refused to acknowledge.
But it would never happen. No matter what, Connor couldn't change the past. He'd missed so much growing up, his heart packaged up and ignored in order to stay safe. How many children out here were like him, right this very second? How many children were as lost and confused as he had felt?
That's why he had to stop Cyber, he knew, staring at the wall with Hank's posters on them. He'd already known how important Markus's mission was, but this drove it home. He'd never have obtained Amanda's love. Not even if he'd worked for a thousand years, never failing a single mission. She'd never love him. Not the way he wanted her to love him. And it hurt to think. It hurt to realize how much he'd kept hidden all those years, in order to gain her favor. He'd had no idea he'd loved that boy until that very moment. He'd never known why his heart would ache, filled with such pain. She'd robbed him of that knowledge.
He had to save other children who were like him from that fate. He had to stop Cyber, even if it killed him. He'd willingly die, he realized, if it meant others could be free. Perhaps this was how Markus felt, Connor wondered, the flow of tears slowing down. Maybe this was how heroes felt, facing down death, wishing for freedom. Maybe this was how he was supposed to feel, when facing something so much bigger than him.
It scared him. God, did it scare him. He didn't want to die. He just wanted to be free. But if he had no other choice… Connor let out another sob, moving to sit on his bed, hanging his head as his shoulders shook with his tears. He couldn't let other children go through what he'd gone through. He couldn't let his people down.
Connor did his best to stop his tears, spending the next half an hour breathing slowly, carefully. However, it didn't work, the tears refusing to stop. Every time they started to cease, he'd remember another instance where Amanda had robbed him of his childhood, another person he could have grown to love but had been ripped from him, and the tears began all over again. He'd tried so hard to be what she wanted. And he'd never been enough. He would never have been enough.
It was at the half hour mark, almost exactly from the moment he'd entered the room, that the door opened. Connor lifted his head, gasping for breath from yet another bout of tears, and felt his heart tug when he saw that oh so familiar aging face, the long, silver hair. God, he was glad to see the man. He'd never felt so many things all at once and had no idea how to make it stop. But seeing Hank, his eyes going wide, then soft and determined? It made something inside him slot back together, like that day he'd told the man about his idea that he was just a robot. There was just something about Hank that calmed him like nothing else could.
"Shit. Kid, hey, don't cry. It's okay," Hank soothed, striding across the room, taking a seat next to him, arms instantly surrounding him. Connor twisted in the grasp to face the older man, finding comfort in the way warmth overwhelmed his senses, another sob escaping. God, how many times had he longed for someone to wrap their arms around him when he'd felt confused or uncertain, wishing he didn't have to always force everything down? How many times had he yearned for comfort, heart breaking, so lost and scared? How often had his hopes been dashed and massacred before his very eyes?
"Shh, shh. Don't you worry, Connor. I'm here. And I'm not planning on going nowhere, you hear me? I'm not gonna ever leave you. Never," Hank whispered into his ear, causing more tears to fall, his body shaking uncontrollably. Part of him felt so scared, knowing that if he didn't push his emotions down that Amanda would find him and beat him, like she had every time he'd cried growing up. But the rest of him rejected the idea of pushing his emotions away, knowing that such an act would be impossible now. He couldn't dam this up any longer. It hurt too much.
So, instead, he just burrowed deep into Hank's warmth, letting the comfort the man freely offered wash over him. He listened to the soft, sweet nothings Hank whispered in his ear, promising that he was there, that he'd always be there for Connor. He took all the comfort Hank offered and did his best to show how much he appreciated the man through his own body, hugging as tight as he could without restricting oxygen.
He loved Hank, he acknowledged as he turned his head and listened to the man's heart beat, callused hands combing sinfully through his hair. He loved Hank more than he'd ever loved anyone else. Including Amanda. But… he didn't love Hank the same way he had loved his pseudo mother. No. He loved Hank like it was the only thing he could do. Like there was a fire within him, burning and yet not quite consuming. Like it was the only possible thing he could ever feel, the only emotion he could possibly have. Like if he didn't express this feeling, the fire would consume him, leaving nothing but ash behind.
Connor longed to say the words, to tell Hank how much he loved him. How much he adored him. But…
But he couldn't forget the look on Amanda's face, at the age of five, staring at him with such… disappointment. He couldn't forget the young boy, staring at him with cool eyes, no longer amused at how little Connor shared. He couldn't forget all of his brothers and sisters, eyes blank and emotionless, never allowing him to get close to them. Not even Nines, the one person he could safely say he'd been closest to. He couldn't forget all the pain he'd grown up with, all the hurt he'd compartmentalized in his heart and had buried so deep he thought he'd never have to deal with it.
And so he knew he couldn't tell Hank. Maybe Hank wouldn't reject him. Maybe Hank could feel the same way, one day. But… but Connor wasn't strong enough to break through that final gate inside his heart. The one that Amanda had installed all those years ago, beating him for saying three small, simple, heartfelt words. He couldn't bear to tell Hank, only for him to reject him, to put distance between the two. It would destroy him to face that, and he wasn't strong enough to risk it.
The fact was, he needed Hank. So much. Hank gave him the strength to fight the Company he'd been raised to follow. Hank made him feel like he could do anything he desired. When his arms were around him, holding him so tight… Connor knew he couldn't lose him. Not now. Not ever. And if that meant hiding what he felt, the love within him… then so be it. He'd kept it hidden this long, despite the fact he was pretty sure he'd fallen the very first moment he'd seen Hank, the gruff man worming his way into his heart so neatly. Maybe Kara was right. Maybe love at first sight did exist.
So he'd continue how things had been. He'd not let Hank know how he felt. Maybe, once all of this was over, he'd tell Hank. Maybe they could move in together, live together; love together. Maybe they'd all become one, big, happy family, him, and Hank, and Sumo. Maybe Alice and Kara could join their family. Hell, Luther too. And Markus. And Simon. Josh and North as well, if they wanted. Maybe once this was all over they could finally be free to live and love as they desired.
And as Connor shuffled impossible closer to Hank, left hand clenching Hank's shirt while he listened to the man's heart beating, tears finally drying, he decided that he could wait. Maybe Hank wouldn't love him back. Maybe things with Cyber would fail, the Company winning in the end. Maybe everything they were striving for would crumble and fall. Maybe.
But for now, he'd accept the comfort Hank offered and would dream of the future. A future in which he didn't have to be afraid to love. In which he didn't have to fear Cyber taking control of his life any longer.
Long minutes passed after his decision, Connor letting himself simply be as Hank held him, warmth encapsulating him. After a minute, Hank started to hum something softly, before he began to sing, his voice rough and dry, but so utterly beautiful. Connor could do nothing but listen, heart so full he was sure it would burst.
Why are there so many
Songs about rainbows
And what's on the other side
Rainbows are visions
They're only illusions
And rainbows have nothing to hide
So we've been told, and some chose to
Believe it
But I know they're wrong wait and see
Someday we'll find it
The Rainbow Connection
The lovers, the dreamers and me
Hank's voice trailed off after the last word, hand stalling on Connor's back. Connor pulled back reluctantly, needing to see Hank's eyes. Needed to know what he was feeling.
He let out a soft gasp when he saw the most tender look he'd ever seen adorn Hank's face, the man reaching out and drying the last of the tears Connor had, hand so warm and comforting. That look made Connor fully understand how amazing a father the man must have been.
"That was beautiful, Hank," Connor breathed, the room too warm, the air too thick. His head was spinning as Hank gave him a crooked grin, chuckling softly.
"Yeah? I've never been known for my singing voice. I, uh. Used to sing that song to Cole when he was a baby. It was the only thing that would soothe him, sometimes," Hank replied softly, grin slipping only slightly at the mention of his son. Hank let his hand drop, then, shaking his head with a rueful smile.
"Look. I uh, I know how shitty parents can be. And how hard it can be to see them. So, you know. I get it. If you want to talk about it, just. Know I'm here. Yeah?"
God, Connor wanted to kiss this man. It burned inside of him, consuming everything else. But he resisted, instead smiling as softly as he could manage, hoping it was enough to show how grateful he was.
"I. Yes, I know Hank. Thank you. I… thank you," he breathed, taking a deep breath to suppress the tears that wanted to fall. He'd cried enough. Hank just looked down, looking awkward again.
With that, the moment broke, the stifling feeling in the room dissipating. Hank chuckled again, standing and ruffling Connor's head, like he was a child. Connor tried not to feel disappointment, instead standing as well.
"Well. Enough with the emotions and shit. Tell me, were you able to contact Markus?" Hank questioned, moving over to the desk to give the two some space. Connor tried not to mourn Hank's presence too much, shaking his head in reply. Back to business, it seemed.
"No, unfortunately. I was able to find something on the laptop, but it was so encrypted that I'm not sure what it could be. It doesn't seem to be a location, but I can't be certain until my hacking software unravels the encryption. It might take a while, though, it's so tangled in code. Once the software is finished, however, I'll be able to figure out what it is."
After Connor had finished speaking, a sort of tense atmosphere filled the room, even Connor feeling how awkward things had gotten. Hank let out a soft cough, before trying a grin.
"Ah. I'll pretend I understood any of that. Do you think it would be ready now? When did you last check?"
Connor frowned, thinking about it. It had been right before he'd tried using the earpiece, hoping that the software had finished after the twelve hours that had passed between starting it and then. The fact that it had taken his software so long was a testament to how good Markus had been at encrypting his message. It usually only took Connor a matter of minutes to hack into anything. Even the pentagon had only taken his software an hour.
Connor looked towards the door, and Hank got the hint and made sure to stand next to it, making sure no one came in unexpectedly. One downside to the facility was that they weren't allowed to have locks on their doors. At least they didn't have windows on the doors, affording their patients just a hint of privacy. Hank took a broom that Connor had found somewhere and jammed it under the handle, just to be safe, and stood beside it.
While Hank took the position of lookout, Connor entered the bathroom and carefully removed the mirror, setting it aside as he grabbed the laptop. He noticed the bottle of whiskey that Connor had stolen for Hank was decidedly less full than it had been the last time he'd seen it, Hank obviously having partaken in the poison at some point in the last week. At least he hadn't seemed to get as drunk as the first night.
Leaving the mirror, Connor reentered the main room, closing the window blinds as he set the laptop on the desk, opening it up. The screen turned on instantly, a picture of some graffiti filling the screen. Connor felt his heart leap as he realized his software had finished, the picture shown being the one that Markus had done so much to hide.
It was unassuming, Connor decided, scrutinizing the picture. He enlarged it and moved it all around, looking at every last pixel. Hank had asked what Connor was doing, but Connor had ignored him, too focused to pay the man any mind. After ten minutes, Connor surmised that there was nothing hidden in the picture, his mouth turning down into a frown as he realized that he was just as lost as he had been before. Letting out a noise of complaint, Connor crossed his arms, glaring at the computer, like he was blaming it for his problems. Hank wandered over at that, putting a comforting hand on Connor's shoulder. Connor looked up at the man, about to express his frustration, but stopped at seeing the concentration on Hank's face.
"Hey, isn't that the graffiti at Ferndale Station?" Hank asked, pointing at the screen. Connor blinked at the man, before looking back.
"Ferndale Station?" Connor repeated, mind turning rapidly. Wait…
"Yeah. I used to pass by there all the time when my car was in the shop and I had to get to work. That piece cropped up a few years ago."
Oh. That was it. Connor couldn't help the way his mouth grew into a grin, standing up so abruptly he made Hank stumble back a step. But he barely noticed.
It was a map. A map to where Markus and the others were hiding. He knew it was. Of course! If he found his way to Ferndale Station, he'd probably find a clue that would lead him to the next location, which would lead him to next, until he found his way to where Markus was. Why hadn't he thought of that himself?
Turning bright eyes onto Hank, Connor hugged the man swiftly to find some outlet for the swelling emotion inside of him, so excited he might burst. This was it. This was his way to get to Markus and inform him of his new plan. Without Hank, he never would have made the connection to Ferndale Station. Once again Hank had saved the day.
As he quickly hugged the man, Hank let out a soft 'oof' at the contact, but hugged Connor back nonetheless. Connor pulled back almost as fast as he had hugged him, though, body too full of emotion to stay still.
"Hank, that's it! You're a genius!" He exclaimed, needing Hank to know how much he'd helped. Hank just looked dazed, but Connor didn't have time to lose. He entered back into the bathroom, grabbing the flash drive, though it was a bit useless now. He'd already memorized the access key the night before. As he exited, he felt hands stop him, Hank frowning at him.
"Hey, hey. Hold your horses, kid. What the fuck is going on?"
Hank sounded a touch frustrated, so Connor decided to humor the man. Eyes bright, he enthusiastically explained.
"It's a map, Hank. If I get to Ferndale Station, I'll be able to follow the map to find where Markus and the others are located. I, I have to go. Now," Connor stressed, eyes wide. Hank just shook his head, not letting Connor go.
"Wait a second, Connor. Did you forget that you're a patient in a fucking mental facility? They're not just going to let you go!"
Hm. That was a problem. Connor hesitated as he thought of that, wondering what he could do. After a second he heard Hank sigh, the other man shaking his head.
"See? You have to stop and think, Connor, or else you'll get caught. And fuck that," Hank growled, hands clenching at the thought. "I know of a way out of the facility that will let you go mostly undetected. Out in the garden there's a hole under part of the fence, under some rose bushes, near that big gnarled tree. If you head out there and keep your head down, the cameras won't notice you until you're already long gone. Got it?"
Connor looked at Hank with wide eyes, the man yet again offering the solution to his problem. Resisting the urge to hug the man again, Connor just grinned, nodding enthusiastically.
"Yes, of course. Thank you, Hank. I will never be able to repay you for what you've done."
Connor watched, pleasure mounting as Hank blushed bright red, turning his eyes to the ground as he mumbled out that 'it was nothin''. Connor couldn't stop the spike of delight at seeing the man embarrassed. It was adorable.
Connor was about to head to the door to leave, intent on heading back to the garden to escape, when a loud, insistent knock sounded on the door. Both men jumped at the sound, shattering the companionable silence they'd fallen into. Staring at one another with wide eyes, Connor felt dread enter his heart as a voice rang out from across the door.
"This is Special Agent Richard Perkins, open up immediately. I have more questions for the both of you."
Oh, shit. The agent sounded angry, the knocking on the door becoming more insistent by the second. The doorknob rattled, but he was unable to open the door due to the broom Hank had placed there.
"Open up! I know you fuckers are in there!"
Connor could feel his heart clench as he turned to stare at the door. Fuck. He needed to go, now. He didn't have time to waste. Not when both the laptop and the flash drive were out in the open, no time to put either away. He turned back to Hank, desperation in his eyes.
"Hank. I have to go. Now," he stressed, anxiety spiking. Hank just stared at him, expression conflicted, before he nodded.
"Yeah. Okay. I've got a plan. But Connor, first," Hank said, storming off to grab an old, too small leather jacket and a dark blue beanie. Hank shoved them into his arms. "Here. Take this. It will hopefully disguise you enough that you can blend into the city. No offense, but you'll get killed wearing that prissy outfit. Put them on once you're out of the facility, okay?"
Connor nodded, throat tight as he realized this was goodbye. Perhaps forever. He could hear the insistent knocking, Perkins sounding more and more irate, claiming he'd knock down the door if he had to, but he didn't care. He jolted forward and hugged the older man one last time, arms tight around his friend. Hank hugged back, clasping him fiercely.
"You come back, you hear me? I can't lose you too," Hank mumbled into his ear, causing Connor's heart to twist unpleasantly. Nodding fiercely as he pulled back, sniffling a little, Connor promised.
"Okay, Hank. But the same goes to you. Don't do anything stupid while I'm gone," Connor demanded, causing Hank to chuckle. However, before he could reply, the pounding on the door reached its peak, Perkins sounding absolutely furious. Hank turned to the door and scowled. He gave one last look to Connor and nodded quickly.
"Alright! Alright! Hold your fucking horses!" Hank shouted, storming over to the door. Before he opened it, though, he looked back at Connor, eyes softening.
"Good luck, kid. Knock 'me dead."
Then, abruptly, he removed the broomstick and opened the door, scowl deep on his face.
"Perkins! You cocksucker," Hank shouted, before he shoved the agent back, punching him hard in the face. Connor had exactly half a second to feel shock before he slid out the door, the distraction Hank caused allowing him to escape unnoticed. He felt a thrill of anxiety at the knowledge he'd left the laptop behind, the first part of the map still on it, but knew it was out of his hands, now. This was it. Make or break time.
As he dashed through the common room, doing his best not to seem suspicious yet needing to hurry, Connor made a beeline for the glass door that led to the garden. It was just as he was about to head out that he heard an angry voice call his name. A voice he, unfortunately, knew.
"Hey, where the fuck to you think you're going, asshole? The facility is in lockdown still. You can't head outside," Gavin Reed shouted, marching over to Connor. Shit. Why was he there?! It was only Thursday!
He didn't have time for this. Connor ignored the man and headed outside, dashing for the area Hank had told him about, hoping Reed would just give up.
No such luck, though. He felt a hand grab his shoulder roughly, yanking him back.
"Hey, asshole! I'm talking to you!"
Connor was forced to turn around, where he noticed that Gavin wasn't wearing the casual clothes he usually wore while at the facility, but more professional attire, his badge prominent on his belt. Ah. So he was there for official business.
"No offense, Detective, but I don't have time for this," Connor stated calmly, before taking a leaf out of Hank's book and punching the man on his temple. Reed attempted to block it but was unsuccessful, Connor too fast. The man dropped to the ground, clutching his head. Connor then punched him again, causing the man to fall unconscious. Looking around frantically to see if anyone had seen, Connor then carefully dragged the man out of sight of the window, tying Hank's jacket around his waist to keep it secure.
That done, Connor went back to the task at hand, stalking over to the tree Hank had mentioned. As he got there he saw a rose bush in front of where he assumed the hole to be, instantly bending down to crawl under it, flash drive tight in his fist. He ignored the pricks from the thorns and branches and kept going, spotting the hole as soon as he reached the fence. It was a tight fit but Connor was able to get under it, shaking the leaves out of his hair as soon as he got out on the other side. He then rushed through the trees, internal map telling him he was about fifteen minutes outside of Detroit, fifty minutes from Ferndale Station. If he used the train, though, he'd get there faster. Running as fast as he could, which was pretty fast, Connor entered the city proper within ten minutes, heart pounding. He took a short break to put on Hank's jacket and beanie when he found the first train station he could, hacking the terminal to get a free ride.
Connor was a bundle of nerves as he sat on the bus, heart pounding long after his body calmed itself down from his running. This is it, he kept repeating to himself. This is it.
As the minutes passed, Connor filled the time with thinking over his plan for how to access the warehouse. Oh, he knew that it would have to be him to do the task. No one else could possibly do it. Only he had any clearance to the Company whatsoever. While Connor didn't head to the CyberLife facility often, he was important enough that he had clearance. He just hoped that they would allow him in without killing him first. Staring out the window, Connor distantly noticed that it was Thanksgiving. Funny.
The train ride was simultaneously too long and too short, the train pulling up to Ferndale Station long before he felt he was ready, but far longer than his racing heart desired. As he stumbled out of the train, Connor did his best to push his emotion down for the last time. For better or for worse, after today he'd never have to mask his emotions again. If they failed, chances are he'd be killed for what he was planning to do. And if he succeeded… well.
Pulling up a mental image of the graffiti, Connor surreptitiously looked around, eyes spotting the painted wall a few seconds later. Turning on his enhanced visual protocol, Connor looked around the painting for the key he knew was there. In the center of the painting was a pound sign with sharpened edges, which lit up when Connor looked over it. Analyzing it, Connor received the mental image of another piece of graffiti, which he'd have to locate.
The hunt on, Connor crept through the city, sharp eyes spotting the keys pretty quickly. Looking around every few seconds to make sure he wasn't being followed, Connor followed the trail, quickly finding his way to an old freighter ship that was rusting in the water. Finding a way down that didn't require jumping into a pool of water, potentially destroying his flash drive, Connor entered the boat and moved carefully around. Pretty soon, though, he heard noise, a lot of it. Hurrying, Connor followed the noise, though he kept his head down in case it was someone unsavory.
Within a matter of minutes Connor found himself in the midst of a large gathering of people. There had to be a few hundred, at least. Connor could only stare as he watched the people mill around, heart stopping.
Were these… were these all people like him? People who had been modified by Cyber? Connor's mouth turned dry as he thought of it. He'd never seen so many people who'd Cyber had affected in one place. Were they all fighting against the Company, too? That was… amazing. The fact that so many people were able to fight the Company's control… maybe they had hope, yet.
But he had more important matters than just standing here. He had no idea how long it would take the FEDs to realize what Hank had realized and find this location. His heart clenched at the thought of bringing the agents here. Had he known how many people were here…
But now wasn't the time for regrets. Now was the time for action. As casually as he could, Connor blended into the crowd, glad for the jacket and beanie Hank had given him. He did his best to locate Markus, though after a rotation through the room, he surmised that the man wasn't there.
Impatient, Connor headed out of the room and rushed around the boat, doing his best to find Markus. After half an hour, Connor was about to give up, thinking the man wasn't even there. But then he heard voices coming from a room on the deck of the ship, Connor placing them as Josh and North. Heart pounding, he crept over to the room, listening in.
Before he could really hear anything, the conversation ended, Simon and Josh exiting the room. Part of Connor wanted to call out to Simon, heart leaping at the fact that he was still alive, but he didn't. He had more important things to focus on. Pulling the flash drive out of the jacket pocket, Connor walked over to the entrance, heart pounding once again. He paused when he saw that North and Markus were standing close, hands touching. Connor took a step back and hid behind the doorway, cheeks bright red when he saw the pair kiss, embarrassed for some reason. He wouldn't disrupt them, he decided. Yes, what he had to say was important, but it wasn't worth North's anger if he interrupted then.
Luckily North left a minute later, not noticing Connor lurking around the corner. Conor took a deep breath and entered the room, knocking when he saw that Markus had his back turned. His heart jumped at the way Markus whirled around, his nerves obviously high, but relaxed when Markus smiled at him, stepping forward in greeting.
"Connor! What are you doing here?" Markus questioned, suddenly stopping mid way through the room. A suspicious look entered his eyes. "Did something happen at the facility? Is everyone alright?"
Connor nodded carefully, holding up his hands to show he was unarmed. Markus's eyes instantly went to the flash drive that Connor was holding.
"No one is hurt. I, I had news that I needed to tell you, but the earpiece wouldn't work and the only information I found on the laptop was a key to get here. But I promise you, this is important," Connor stressed, eyes wide. Markus stared at him for a second, then nodded slowly.
"Alright. What was so important you had to break out of the facility to tell me?"
"I know a way to win this war," Connor stressed, instantly getting Markus's attention. The man stood up, ramrod straight, and stared intently on Connor. Connor continued. "After our talk on Friday, Hank had made some calls to his old contacts. He then met with this person who used to work for Cyber's messaging facility. They were able to get an access key to the messaging system, so that any advanced model who enters the messaging facility will be allowed to send a message to every person that has a major modification. Markus, if I do this, almost all of our people will be freed," Connor stressed, his excitement at the plan returning tenfold. Markus just continued to stare, eyes wide with shock. He then got a considering look on his face, marching closer to Connor.
"Are you sure? That this is real? That this person wasn't just lying?" Markus breathed, standing almost toe to toe with Connor. Connor hesitated, realizing he wasn't sure.
"I, I don't know. I've checked the access key; I know that the key exists. So I have to hope that it'll work. But… What other choice do we have? This is the best chance we have to free everyone. And if we have that many testimonies? No one can deny Cyber's existence. We'll be free, Markus."
Connor stared into Markus's eyes, willing the man to agree with him. Finally, after a minute had passed, Markus nodded.
"Alright, I-"
The words Markus had been about to say were cut off when they heard a helicopter pass overhead, a floodlight hitting the deck of the ship. Oh, shit! In his excitement to tell Markus his plan, he'd forgotten about the FBI!
"Markus! It's the FBI, they must have found my laptop," Connor shouted, as the pair stared around the room, eyes wide. "We have to get out of here!"
"Shit," Markus cursed, eyes hard as he ran out the room. Before they could get far, they saw a group of FEDs enter the ship, shouting orders and firing their guns wildly. Connor felt his eyes widen. Were they even looking to take anyone alive? Shit, indeed.
Markus shouted at Connor, telling him to get off the ship as fact as possible, but Connor didn't listen. He just followed Markus down into the heart of the ship, needing to help.
After a few minutes of panicked running, the pair ran into Simon and North, both looking frantic.
"Markus, what do we do? Our people are trapped in the hold, they'll be slaughtered" North stated, briefly looking at Connor but quickly dismissing him. Markus looked at the people around him and made a quick decision.
"We have to get as many people off the freighter as possible. It's my fault they came here, I have to help them. You three, get off the ship as fast as you can. North, where is Josh?"
North shook her head, eyes frenetic. "I don't know, we got separated."
Markus cursed under his breath, before looking at North.
"Alright, I'll find him. Now, get off the ship! I'm going to head down into the hold and start the explosives. That should give us enough time to exit the ship. That's the only way," Markus claimed, eyes hard. Connor swallowed thickly, nodding his assent. North tried to protest, but Simon grabbed her arm, pulling her along. The duo began to run, but Connor hesitated, looking at Markus.
"Connor, go! You're our only hope of winning this war, now, so you have to get out of here!"
Connor's heart skipped a beat at the words, but his feet listened and began to follow North and Simon, quickly catching up to the pair. As they ran, they had to dodge agents, hiding from sight until they left. Whenever they saw a person who needed help, though, they stepped in, helping the person escape. At one point Connor picked up a gun that one of the fallen agents had attached to his belt, a single-shot gun that felt natural in his grip.
As they ran they saw so many people, their people, get gunned down, red blood flowing over the ground. Connor tried not to throw up as the scent of copper blood hit his nose, focused on escaping. The flash drive was clenched tight in his fist, the plastic digging into his flesh as the trio ran. They eventually found Josh, but he just ran with them, not saying anything in greeting.
After what felt like an eternity, but must have only been a few minutes, Markus met back up with them, telling them the bomb would explode any second. The group ran down a hallway, dodging boxes and other various obstacles. Just as the group was about to escape, however, a group of FEDs had entered their hallway, shooting at the group. North was shot, crying out in pain. Connor hesitated at the staircase he had been hovering around, watching as Markus turned back to help North get up, using a piece of scrap metal as a shield. Markus then charged the agents, shooting one. He headed back to the group once the agents were down, but then more came from down the hall.
Connor felt the gun in his hand and charged towards the incoming agents, using the piece of scrap metal as a shield as well. He did his best to not kill anyone, but knew that if he had to, he would. Once the four agents who had rushed them were down, more coming in the distance, Connor returned to the group and ran with them to safety. The five of them then jumped out of the freighter just as the bomb went off, the whole freighter lighting up. As he fell, Connor felt the gun and flash drive get knocked out of his hand. He had no time to feel his panic at losing the flash drive before he hit the water, the impact jolting his nerves. He made sure to swim up as soon as possible, looking up as the freighter sank, hoping against hope that everyone had been able to escape.
This is it, his mind whispered to him, water around him reflecting the fire above.
There was no turning back now.
The song that Hank sings is the Rainbow Connection, from the Muppets, though I personally prefer the Kenny Loggins version.