Chapter 18: When all Hope is Lost.
Connor stood in the broken-down church, away from the crowd, head down and arms crossed.
After the FBI raided the freighter, Markus had taken them all to this church, where a handful of their people trickled in over the hours. Last Connor had heard, about two hundred people had survived the attack, out of the five hundred that had been on the freighter. Because of him, three hundred people had died or had gone missing. Dozens of others were injured, as many of the individuals in the church were bleeding or dying.
Connor hated it. Hated all of it. Things were supposed to be getting better. After the infiltration of Stratford Tower, things had been meant to go easier for them. But it had just gotten worse and worse.
And, worst of all, President Warren had finally made her official announcement about Cyber. It had happened while they'd been coming to the church, news arriving about an hour after they had settled into the dilapidated building.
Denied. She denied the existence of Cyber entirely. She called them crazy, lunatics. Conspiracy theorists with no proof. Connor felt his hand clench when he thought of her words. No proof? They had all the proof, but no one would ever listen. Not until he infiltrated Cyber and sent their message, having all of their people rise up as one to fight their captures.
Part of him had wanted to go immediately. To leave the church and be productive then and there. But Markus had convinced him not to.
"It's too dangerous," Markus had said, hand grasping Connor's shoulder, eyes hard as Connor tried to break free, frantic to do something.
"We have to do this, Markus! It's the only way!" Connor had replied, voice breaking at the end. Markus had just shook his head, eyes turning sad and distant as he looked at Connor's desperation.
"I know, Connor. I know. But this is too important to rush. We need a plan. A solid plan. If we rush this, we run the risk of losing everything. And we need a backup plan, in case this doesn't work. We have until tomorrow night to work this out. Give me until tomorrow to come up with a plan. Please, Connor."
Markus had sounded so earnest, so pleading, that Connor could only nod, jaw clenched. Markus had wandered the church after that, helping the injured, consoling those who had lost friends. Connor had felt a pang in his heart as he watched their grief. His fault. This all had been his fault. He'd led the FBI to their hideout. He'd gotten all of them killed.
It had led to a restless night's sleep. Everyone had been restless, voices murmuring in the dark, children crying, caretakers soothing them gently. Connor had stayed awake the whole night long, staring sightless at the ceiling.
They needed a plan. A good plan. The plan he had would only work if they were lucky. He didn't know what Cyber thought of him now. The thought made his insides churn, nerves keeping his mind awake.
It was at 5am that the group collectively decided to give up on the attempt to sleep, those who were not injured standing to find food for those who were. Connor had stood and retreated to the corner, taking guard, heart hollow as he watched the downtrodden group shuffle around, knowing he had done this.
And that was where he still stood, hours later, watching Markus make the rounds again. Everyone looked exhausted, the meager food they had found settling heavily in all of their stomachs. Connor had barely eaten the porridge that Simon had handed him an hour prior, halfhearted smile on the blond's face before he left to deliver the rest of the food. Connor had tried to smile back, but his face hadn't cooperated, and he had quickly given up.
Now he wished he had eaten some more, his stomach twisted in knots as he watched Markus, the lost look on their leader's face cutting him. Markus had left at some point during the night, returning hours later, face more conflicted. Connor wouldn't ask why, though. It wasn't his place.
Still, he had no idea what was going to happen next. Markus said to give him time to formulate a plan. Connor could only hope that Markus had thought of one by now. They only had half a day more, almost twelve hours exactly until the access key expired and they had no other plan. Markus needed to come up with a plan soon, or this all would have been for naught.
As he watched their leader, Markus looked up and caught his eye, head tilted in askance. Connor just frowned and looked down, unable to take that gaze. He couldn't do it. He wasn't strong enough.
Soon, though, he saw a shadow fall over him, and he knew who stood in front of him. Steeling himself up, Connor raised his eyes, meeting Markus's tired one, lingering sorrow filling both of them.
"Have you figured out a plan?"
Connor hadn't really meant to ask that question, not knowing if it was his place to demand anything from Markus, but he had to know. They had such little time left. Markus smiled softly, eyes still full of pain as he shook his head.
"I don't know. I have an idea, but… I don't know if it'll work. And if it doesn't, we all could be killed."
Connor frowned at the thought, watching as Markus turned to look at his followers, the weight of his responsibility weighing him down. It cut something deep within Connor to watch, to see Markus, a man who seemed so fearless, look so afraid.
Connor had no idea if it was his place or not, but he knew he had to try and relieve the man of at least some of his burden. So, carefully, Connor placed his hand gently on Markus's shoulder, startling the man to look back at him.
"Whatever you choose, Markus, I think I can speak for all of us when I say we will follow you. I've only known you for a handful of weeks, and you've already changed my life so much. For the better. So, I for one will follow you, whatever you decide to do. Even if I face my death to do it."
And face his death he might. He was the only person who could infiltrate CyberLife Tower, now. He'd lost the flash drive, so the only one who knew the access key was him. He tried not to let the thought scare him.
However, his words did not comfort Markus like he had hoped. If anything, the man looked more distressed.
"That is what I fear, my friend. That this will all end in death. With nothing gained from it."
Markus's voice was soft, eyes so full of pain that Connor had to look away. Taking a deep breath, he turned back to Markus and smiled. A genuine smile, one that reached his eyes even.
"We will gain something. We already have. We have shown our people that we will not give up, that there is hope. And we have planted the seed of doubt into millions of minds. That is not nothing, Markus. Maybe we fail here. Maybe we, all of us, die. But we showed Cyber that they could not control us. That we are alive. That we are our own person. And that… that is not nothing."
Connor could feel his heart pound with his declaration, knowing it to be true, but still so afraid. He couldn't imagine failing. He didn't want to. But, if they did… it wasn't for nothing.
Markus looked at him for a while, before a slow smile crept onto his face, heterochromatic eyes crinkling with relief. The pain was still there, but hope had also crept in, Markus nodding once at Connor.
"You're right, my friend. You're right."
With that, Markus turned away from him and walked up the steps to the platform in the front of the church. Everyone quieted when they saw him standing up there, the man having the undivided attention of everyone in the room. Connor did not envy him in that moment.
"My friends! I know that things seem hopeless right now, but we cannot give up! We have faced a major loss last night, over half of our numbers lost to us, and President Warren denying our existence. But we still have hope. We have a plan in the works that could gain us more numbers than the world could possibly deny. And tonight, at 8:00, we will march downtown Detroit and show the world, peacefully, that we exist! That we are not just a conspiracy! We will march for our freedom, for our rights, for our people! We will not back down, no matter what they try and do to us! We are alive, and we are free! So who will march with me?!"
The entire room exploded into cheers, not a single person backing down, not even the wounded or the children. Connor felt his heart fill with such intense emotions that he couldn't begin to describe them. But there was hope. And triumph. And love. They would win. One way or another. They would win.
But the fear. Oh, the fear. What if it wasn't enough? What if they did fail? What if they all died, because he, Connor, wasn't enough?
Connor watched as Markus went over the plan, telling them what they would do, where they would go. Connor was a little surprised he didn't mention their plan, but he supposed it made sense. The less people who knew, the better. After ten minutes Markus finished with his speech, walking down the steps into the awaiting crowd. Connor wanted to speak with the man, to go over their plan, but the second Markus had entered the crowd, he was swept away by several people, all asking questions about the plan. Heart clenching, Connor moved back to his spot in the corner, sitting silently, putting his head in his arms. He took several deep breaths, needing to calm his heart.
He had to talk to Markus soon, he knew. Their plan was so close to perfect, but still so far. During the night, Connor figured that he had to call Cyber, to make them think he was on their side, to get access to the tower. But he needed Markus's approval before he did anything. After all, Cyber would need proof that he was really on their side, after the stunt he had pulled. While he had gained Amanda's trust the other day, he might have just lost it just like that. He didn't know if anyone knew he had joined Markus, though. That would be in his favor when calling, at least. But Markus had to be in on the plan, lest he believe Connor was double crossing them.
But for now… for now he would sit here and think. Markus's speech had been impressive. The march was an interesting idea, especially if they could get the news to watch them. It would at least make their plans known. Show that they still were alive. But it could go so wrong. And as he sat there, all Connor could think on was how badly it could go. No wonder Markus was so stressed and worried. Connor didn't have all of their lives in his hands, his decisions meaning life or death, and yet he still was worried.
Minutes passed like that, his face hidden in his arms, until he felt someone sit beside him, warmth pressing into his side. Looking up, Connor met clear blue eyes, the lingering sadness that always filled them more pronounced than ever.
"Hello, Connor," Simon lilted, a soft smile on his lips that did not at all reach his eyes. Connor appreciated the attempt, though.
"Hello, Simon. How are you feeling?"
The last Connor had really seen Simon, other than the brief meeting the previous night as they ran and that morning when he was delivering food, the man had been badly injured. Connor looked down at Simon's leg, noticing the bandages that wrapped around it. Simon shrugged his shoulders, causing Connor to raise his eyes back to meet Simon's.
"Not terrible. Running last night had not helped, but I can walk, at least. One of the benefits of my modification is slightly accelerated healing. So, that's something."
Simon attempted another smile at that, but it again fell flat. Connor smiled, though, trying to cheer the other man up.
"It is. I'm glad that you're okay. I've been worried about you," Connor said softly, eyes meeting Simon's. It was true. On top of everything else, Connor had worried about his new friend. This time, Simon's smile was more genuine, the man looking down bashfully.
"I'm sorry to have worried you. I owe you a lot, you know. I don't know if I would have survived had you not been there."
Simon sounded so forlorn, but also resigned that it tugged at Connor's heart. Reaching out, Connor placed his hand on Simon's shoulder and squeezed.
"I'm glad I could help. I know I messed everything up last night, bringing the FBI to the freighter, so I'm glad I had done at least one thing right."
Simon looked at him sharply at that, eyes narrowing slightly. Connor felt his heart clench at the sight. Had Simon not known that Connor had brought the FBI to their doors? Had he not realized?
… Would he hate him now that he knew?
Heart clenching yet again, Connor opened his mouth to stammer out an apology, to beg forgiveness, when Simon shook his head, emphatically.
"Connor, please do not blame yourself for what happened last night. It wasn't your fault. Markus knew when we decided to add you to our group that it might lead them to us, but it was a risk we all were willing to take. Even North. Your help has been immeasurable, Connor. Especially with your plan."
Connor's eyes widened at the last declaration, staring at Simon. So Markus had shared with his friends Connor's plan, then. He supposed that was good. It meant that Markus was considering it.
Still…
"I led them to you all. If I hadn't left the computer, if I had destroyed it before I left, none of this would have happened. It was my own stupidity that led them to us. And for that, I am sorry."
Simon sighed at that, shaking his head, but said no more. The two lapsed into silence after that, the sounds of the room washing over them. After a while, Simon got up, saying he was going to go over the plan with North, bidding Connor a soft farewell. He also told Connor to not feel guilty about what had happened, saying once more that it was not his fault, before leaving. Connor really wished he could believe him. As Simon left, Connor leaned his head back against the wall, eyes closing as he faced the ceiling.
His solitude lasted all of five minutes before he felt another person stand over him, the air shifting with the other's movement. The person sat down beside Connor, like Simon had. Connor opened his eyes and faced the person, his brown eyes meeting blue and green.
"So. What did you think of the plan?" Markus questioned, eyebrow raised. Funny. It almost seemed like he actually cared what Connor thought about it. Off kilter, Connor shrugged, turning his eyes away, facing the pews before him.
"It sounds solid. Not much else we can do, I suppose. Have you thought about my plan?" Connor replied, facing Markus once more. The man before him frowned, nodding slowly.
"Yes. I have. Are you sure, Connor? It will be suicide if you go. If they catch you… are you certain? Perhaps I can go, in your stead?"
Connor let out a wry grin at that. Markus, always so self-sacrificing.
"You have to lead them, Markus. They need you. Me? I… well, I can be lost. You cannot. Besides, the flash drive was knocked out of my hand when we jumped from the freighter. Only I have the full access key now."
It was only the truth. So why did it make his insides clench as he said it? He tried not to show it, but Markus must have seen something, for he scoffed.
"You're not expendable, Connor. Don't you think that you are, okay? But if you are sure you want to do this, then I will not stop you. Your plan might be the only thing that can save us. The march… it might help, but it will mean nothing if we don't have the numbers to back us up. Even if we got all of the deserters to join us, we'd have less than a thousand marching. The more people, the better our odds. We will have to talk in private, to finalize things, but I believe you have a chance of getting it to work. I believe in you, Connor. I really do."
It shouldn't have, but the praise made Connor's heart bloom. He'd never been praised all that much growing up, so hearing something he admired telling him that he believed in him? It meant more than he possibly could know. Unable to stop the pleased grin that lighted his face, nor the soft blush that colored his cheeks, Connor nodded carefully, looking down at his hands. He heard Markus chuckle as the man's arm snaked around his shoulder, clasping him tight, pulling him into a pseudo hug. Connor let it happen, happy to be trusted, even after his failure the previous night.
After that, the two chatted lightly about nothing. It felt nice, to take his mind off the war for a moment. To spend time with his new friend. To feel like he belonged. Ten minutes passed before Markus was called away, Josh wishing to discuss something with him. Before he left, however, Markus turned to Connor and spoke quietly.
"In about an hour, meet me in the back room of the church, around the back. We will go over your part of the plan then."
That said, Markus walked away, standing tall and proud. Connor smiled after him, glad that they were friends.
As he was left alone for the second time, Connor felt a pang hit his heart. He tried to ignore it, but it soon grew larger.
He missed Hank. They had only been apart for less than a day, but it felt like an eternity. Since his arrival at Jericho, the pair hadn't been apart for this long before. They at least saw one another, even if they didn't talk.
He hoped Hank was alright. He had to be alive. Right? They wouldn't kill a human. Would they?
No, Connor decided, adamant. Hank was fine. He probably was in trouble, having hit a federal agent, but hopefully that just meant he was safe in jail. Heh. Connor grinned mirthlessly at the oxymoron. But even jail would be safer than here.
And yet, Connor wished more than anything that the older man was there right at that moment. That Hank was smiling at him, so softly, so sweetly. That his arms were surrounding him, his gentle warmth flooding Connor's system. That his lips, so rough and chapped, were pressed so sweetly to his, the pressure driving him insane. That Hank was there, his and his alone. Oh, how he longed for the man. For his dearest friend. Markus and Simon were great, but they had nothing on Hank. On his perfection.
He could only hope that he saw the man again one day. That once this was all over, that the two of them could live in peace, happy. Together.
But until that day, he would long for the man, he knew. His heart would yearn for everything he didn't have. But that was alright. He could survive. And maybe… maybe he could let his desire to see Hank again fuel him. Connor smiled softly at the thought, eyes staring at his hands, so different to Hank's large, calloused ones. Hank would be his motivation. The best motivation he'd ever had, Connor thought with a soft smile.
With that in mind, Connor stood, crossing the church, going to the back to help the wounded. He hadn't dared see them before, too afraid of his failure to face them, but he felt it was only right. Simon said it was not his fault, but he still had to do what he could to make it right.
For the next hour, Connor helped tend to the wounded, his heart full of sorrow and pain as he helped them, their eyes reflecting the pain they were in. There were even children who had been shot, whimpering softly in pain, doing their best to keep quiet. It broke his heart to see. How could anyone do this? How could those agents gun them down, without feeling the slightest bit of hesitance?
The hour passed slowly, the group taking a break to eat the meager lunch that had been provided. A single piece of bread with a piece of ham on top. The wounded got two portions. It wasn't much, but it would provide them with the fuel they needed, at least. When his inner clock told him an hour exactly had passed since he had spoken to Markus, he got up and excused himself, apologizing for having to leave. The others just waved him off, thanking him for his help.
Connor quickly made his way to the back room, opening the door to find that the others had already arrived. Connor smiled slightly at Simon and Markus, who both smiled back, but felt wary when he saw the frowns that both Josh and North were giving him. North's more intense than Josh's.
"Connor! You made it. Good. We can discuss your plan, then. I already told the others the basics last night, while you were sleeping. I hope you don't mind?"
Connor couldn't help the small grin at Markus's sheepish expression, shaking his head slightly.
"I don't mind. I would have told you all at the same time, but only arrived in time to speak to Markus. Though, I hadn't slept last night, anyway," Connor added wryly, shaking his head once more. Markus frowned at that, mouth opening to say something, likely a reprimand, but was interrupted by North's derisive snort.
"I'm pretty sure no one slept last night, pretty boy. No thanks to you leading the FBI to us," she added under her breath. Connor still heard her though, eyes widening as his heart clenched painfully. Before he could stammer out an apology, Markus turned sharply to North, glaring at her. More surprisingly, however, so did Simon.
"It wasn't his fault, North," Simon claimed softly, eyes hard on his friend. North just stared back, eyes equally hard, but soon backed down. With a sigh, she nodded, deflating and looking exhausted.
"Yeah, I know. It's just easier when you have someone else to blame."
The words had been spoken softly, like a confession, and it tugged at Connor's heart. But they weren't here to play the blame game. They had a revolution to plan.
"So, I have an idea for the plan. But I'm not sure you're all going to like it," Connor started, looking around at the group. North and Josh looked a little wary, but Markus and Simon looked encouraging. And so, Connor continued, detailing the idea he had had.
See, in order to get into CyberLife Tower, one needed access. Without access, it would be impossible to enter the building. So, Connor proposed, he needed to get access. He paused a second in his explanation, licking his lips nervously, before moving on.
"In order to get them to trust me, I have to offer them information. Information that no one else could get them. They know that I left Jericho, and they probably know I'm here with you all. However, if I can convince them that I was only working to help their cause, I might be able to convince them to meet me at the tower, giving me access. But I'll need something to offer them. Something big. Something even they cannot pass up."
Connor looked around the group nervously as he finished, unsure how they would react. Simon and Markus might be willing to trust him, but the others…
Like expected, Connor could see North scowling, eyes hard as she shook her head. Simon and Markus, however, both nodded slowly, smiling at Connor in support.
But, surprisingly, Josh didn't look disapproving. Instead, he looked contemplative, a soft frown on his face as he considered. Connor stared at the African American man, not looking away as the man thought. Connor distantly noticed that everyone was watching the man, knowing that he would likely be the tie breaker.
"It might work," Josh eventually said, words coming out slowly. Connor felt his heart soar as he realized that Josh wasn't initially against his plan. "However, what information can you give that is important, but also won't ruin our plans?"
Hm. That was a good point. Connor had thought of that too, the previous night, and hadn't come to a conclusion. What was important, but not too important? As he thought, he saw Markus look up, grin on his face.
"You can tell them our plan," Markus grinned, eyes bright. Everyone in the room stared at him like he was insane, even Simon, who usually at least entertained Markus's ideas. Seeing the looks he was getting, Markus chuckled, shaking his head while he grinned.
"Not everything, of course. Tell them the basics. Enough to make them want to know more, to meet with you, but not so much that it ruins our plans. It's not remiss to think that, if we didn't know you better, we'd be wary around you and not tell you everything, correct? So we can use that to our advantage. Tell them something, like the fact we will march, but don't say where or when. Tell them that we have limited numbers, but not the exact amount. We just need enough to pique their interest, right?"
Markus directed the question at Connor, eyebrows raised. Connor could only nod, too dumbfounded to say anything else. It might work, but…
"What if they don't believe that he's on their side, and we told them that information for nothing?" North interjected, frown on her face as she crossed her arms. For once, it didn't seem like she was shooting down the idea. Rather, she seemed to be honestly curious, like she wanted the plan to work but could see the flaws. Huh.
"It is a possibility. Which is why we don't have Connor say anything we don't want them to know. We'll have to be careful, but if we come up with a solid idea, it just might work."
With that, the group began brainstorming ideas for what Connor could say, how to say it, and how much was too much.
As the group argued, Connor could feel his heart swell, mind flooding with hope.
For the first time, Connor was absolutely positive this was going to work.
~XoxoxoxoxoxoX~
This plan was never going to work, Connor thought, heart pounding as he sat in the car Cyber had sent to pick him up, doing his best to keep his face clear of emotion.
For one, it had been delayed for too long. Connor had initially told Amanda, when she had answered the phone, to pick him up at 6:30, an hour and a half before the march began. But, as he waited at the designated meeting area, no one had shown up for well over an hour. He hadn't dared leave, or try to contact Markus, since he didn't know if they were watching him. Probably, he had thought with a worried heart.
When they had finally shown up, it was already passed eight, meaning the march had already started. Meaning the info he had for them was useless.
He'd been so confident, when he'd called Amanda from that payphone, telling her the rehearsed information. That there was going to be a march, that he had information about it to try and stop it. That he had other information to tell her, but not in the open. He'd been relieved when Amanda had agreed, accepting his lie that he had only left the facility to stop Markus and his group, that he hadn't realized that Perkins and Allen were on their side at the time. Connor had been programmed to lie, and lie very well, but he'd never been good at lying to Amanda. But he thought she had believed him. Perhaps he was wrong.
Another problem with the plan was that his nerves were now so high, he didn't know if he could keep emotionless. He knew now why Amanda had insisted on him and his siblings to be emotionless dolls. It compromised the mission when you let emotion get in the way. And try as he might, he couldn't push the swell of emotion down. It was too much. Too intense. Too much was riding on him, he couldn't mess this up.
Taking a deep breath, Connor did his best to push the emotion down. He was almost at CyberLife Tower, his internal map told him. He didn't have time to panic. Steeling himself, Connor looked calmly out the window as the car pulled up to the security checkpoint. A guard marched up to him, face expressionless. Connor did his best to match that level of calm.
"Connor Stern. I'm excepted."
With that, he turned to face the front, the car moving through the checkpoint to go down the winding drive to the tower itself.
This was it, he thought, heart pounding as he exited the vehicle, eyes listlessly looking around, doing his best to seem calm and not so nervous.
He marched into the tower, following the guards, passing the scan that checked for weapons and anything unsatisfactory on a person. He stood still as he was scanned, entering the facility as soon as he was given clearance.
He let out an internal sign of relief when he didn't see Amanda waiting for him in the lobby. He had requested they meet in the meeting room, to go over the details, but he hadn't known if she would still go along with that. He hadn't been looking forward to hurting her, but he knew that, at this point? If it was between hurting Amanda or losing the war? He'd hurt Amanda. Maybe not kill her, but he'd hurt her. For all her knowledge of the modifications, Amanda didn't have any herself. She didn't want anyone to have any control over her, Connor felt. That gave him an advantage over her.
But it hopefully wouldn't come to that. He could handle a couple guards in the elevator. And, as they entered the elevator, heading up, he knew he would be fine. As the door closed, Connor carefully slid out his more advanced hacking device, which he had retrieved from a safe house when he'd changed into his Cyber uniform. Tossing it surreptitiously to the camera, he watched as the light dimmed, indicating it was powered down. Taking a deep breath, Connor plotted out his next course of action, before putting the plan into motion.
Quickly, Connor knocked out the guards, shooting them to keep them down. If they were dead or not, he didn't know. Moving to the control panel, he modified his voice to sound like the guard's and requested access to sub-level 49. Heart pounding, Connor did his best to prepare for anything as he descended into the fight.
After what felt like an eternity, the elevator door opened into the communication room, letting Connor see the rows upon rows of mindless people, staring at a computer screen, typing quickly. Connor couldn't help the shudder that shot through him as he saw how blank their eyes were. They were little more than slaves, here. It was distressing.
But he had no time to worry. Hurrying, Connor found the best spot and leaned over to push one of the workers aside. He had expected to have some resistance, but the person did nothing, just allowed themself to be pushed around. Ignoring the unease that gave him, Connor quickly clicked through the prompts and reached the site that allowed him to send messages to everyone, entering the access code, hoping that it worked. After the longest second of his life, the code entered, and he was in.
Letting out the breath he'd been holding, he quickly typed out a message. But right before he had a chance to hit send, a commotion happened behind him, an impossibly familiar voice causing him to look up, heart stopping completely.
"Easy! Fucking piece of shit," Hank growled, eyes lifting off the ground. Connor's heart twisted as he saw the gun that was trained to Hank's head. And then the muscle removed itself from his body completely when he looked to the left, eyes wide and mouth opening in shock when he saw none other than Nines. His pseudo brother.
"Step back, Connor, and I'll spare him," Nines claimed, eyes hard on his brother. Connor turned his wide eyes to Nines, a look of such pain filling them as he realized what was happening. No. This can't… Nines couldn't…
"Sorry, Connor," Hank yelled, voice echoing in the vast room, "bastard said he wanted to help you."
~XoxoxoxoxoxoX~
A moment passed in silence as Connor just stared at his pseudo brother and his friend. His love, if he was being honest. He had known that Nines had been on the case, Amanda had told him that. But he hadn't expected him to bring Hank into this. Fear filled his heart as he watched Hank scowl, glaring at the ground as a gun was pointed at his head. He let out a soft gasp, heart twisted so painfully.
"Hank!" Connor cried, unable to stop himself. His emotions were too large to be contained. "Are you alright?"
"I'm fine, Connor! Don't worry about me. Do what you gotta do."
Oh, how Connor hated the resigned look on Hank's face. Like he expected Connor to do anything that would possibly harm him.
Ha. Like Connor wouldn't do everything he could to save Hank. Even if he failed his mission, as long as Hank was safe, Connor was fine. Without Hank, though…
"Nines let him go. You don't have to do this," Connor pled, turning wide eyes to Nines. His pseudo brother had never outwardly shown it, but he sometimes would give in when Connor begged like this. Not often, but sometimes. Regardless, he had to try. He didn't have a weapon, having dropped the gun from the security guard. All he had was the minute affection Nines held for him.
But, to his detriment, this was not one of those times. Eyes hard, Nines shook his head.
"I'm sorry Connor, but I can't do that. This is for your own good. Stop this insane plan, it's never going to work! You know how powerful the Company is. You can't win. If you stop now, I can still save you."
Wow. Connor stared at his pseudo brother in shock for a split second. He had never seen Nines so emotional. No, the man didn't look it outwardly, his face still a perfect mask, but emotion had crept into his voice. And his eyes, Connor thought with wonder, seeing the sparkle of passion in his pseudo brother's eye for the first time. In other circumstances, it would have been awe inspiring.
But in this circumstance, Connor had no time to marvel at Nines's humanity, for the words Nines had said had sunken in. So Connor pushed his shock away, a scowl rising on his face.
"No! I'm not going to go back to them, Nines. Never. Please, don't do this. We can win! If I do this, everyone under Cyber's control will be able to break free. With that many people on our side, they can't possibly keep this hidden! Please, Nines… listen to me!"
But he wouldn't. Connor could see that, in the set of Nines's face, in the cold look in his eyes. He'd never listen. He'd never believe him. All his life, Connor had known one constant about his pseudo brother; he was insanely dedicated to the cause. He would never do anything that jeopardized the mission. The only time, ever, that Nines had strayed from his mission was when Connor was five, back when Nines still went by his legal name. The only reason he'd strayed was because Connor had begged him to, begging him not to kill the kitten Amanda had demanded he drown.
So he did the last thing he could think of, to convince his brother.
"Cole, please, listen to me," Connor pled, voice soft and beguiling, ignoring the jolt that Hank made, the man's eyes wide on Connor. "We can end this. It doesn't have to be this way. I know we are not bonded by blood, but I have always considered us brothers. So please… please, help me. We can be free. We don't have to follow them anymore."
Connor saw the briefest flicker of hesitation in his pseudo brother's eyes, causing Connor's heart to leap. But then, the look faded, and became cold and hard once again. A cruel grin rose on his pseudo brother's face, a derisive laugh escaping his harsh lips.
"Oh, Connor. Always the idealist. I remember when you were a baby, when mother would tell you all about her pathetic plans to save the world, to make the world a better place. You would look so enchanted, so enthralled. You honestly believed her lies," Nines sneered, eyes glaring at Connor. But Connor only froze, eyes widening at Nines. How…
"How… how do you know that?" Connor whispered, taking a step back. Even he didn't know that. He only had the briefest of memories of his parents; a warm smile, a kind laugh. But Nines hadn't even met them. Had he?
Nines laughed again, harsher this time, his hand clenched, gun pressing harshly into Hank's head. Connor kept his eyes trained on it, suddenly remembering its existence. Shit.
"You're such a fool, Connor! How could you not have realized it?! Everyone always said we look exactly the same! We constantly got mixed up, all the time growing up! I even changed my name so it would be different to yours! How could you not have figured it out?!"
Connor had never seen his pseudo brother so angry. This was the most emotion he'd ever seen on the man's face, ever. It was intimidating. Scary, even. But Connor had no idea what he was talking about. Yes, people had confused them, but it was just coincidence they looked so similar. Right?
Shaking his head in confusion, Connor just watched as Nines grew angrier, gun so firmly pressed against Hank's head he had no idea how Hank was remaining so still. Oh, God. He had to settle Nines down. Before he could say anything, Nines let out another laugh, this one high pitched, almost insane. Eyes hard and angry, Nines spat out his words.
"Such a disappointment, Connor. Amanda was always right about you, wasn't she? Useless," Nines hissed, causing Connor's heart to twist yet again. "Can't even figure out your own past. Well, allow me to enlighten you, Connor. I am your brother!"
Wait.
What?
Connor could only stare at Nines as the man sneered, chest heaving with emotion.
He… he must mean that they were close as brothers. Right? Connor didn't have any family. Amanda had told him that, time and time again. Connor had even brought up the idea that Nines, back when he still went by Colton, was his actual brother. Amanda had beaten him so badly that day, saying over and over he had no family. That family just made you weak. He'd quickly abandoned the thought that Nines was his brother. It hurt too much. But now…
"Our parents were fools, Connor. They believed they could change the world. But they couldn't! They were weak, pathetic idiots who tried to challenge Cyber and were slaughtered for their stupidity! Amanda always told you they were killed at an AIDS/HIV rally. Well, she lied. They were moving against Cyber, plotting the Company's end, and it got them killed. I won't let that happen to you, Connor! I can't!"
Oh. Oh. It made so much sense. Why Nines had always been so close to him. Why he got so squirrelly when Connor brought up his parents. Why he would try and lessen his punishments, when he could. Why they looked almost identical.
Connor's legs felt weak with the revelation. And yet… part of him had already known. Had always known. Had seen those very same eyes that glared at him now on another's face, a softer, warmer face. Had seen the connection between them. But the knowledge had been beaten out of him. Had been purposely hidden from him.
"Let this nonsense go, Connor. You can't challenge Cyber. They will always win. And they will kill you. But if you stop this now… if you listen to me, there's still time! I can protect you! Just listen to me!"
But he couldn't. Connor stared into the desperate eyes of his brother and knew the truth. He loved his brother. His brother, his actual brother. But… Connor slid his eyes over to Hank, who was doing his best to keep his face neutral, faking calm in the midst of the storm. But when he saw that Connor was looking at him… he smiled, softly. Sweetly. A smile meant just for him. To reassure him that he was okay.
And so, no matter how much his heart
ached, no matter how much part of him yearned to go with Nines and make things work, he couldn't.
"Hank," Connor called, eyes soft as they watched the man. Hank said nothing, just watched him with soft, sad eyes. "I'm sorry, Hank. You shouldn't have gotten mixed up in all of this."
Hank's eyes widened at that, mouth opening slightly in what was likely shock. Connor ignored how his heart ached, knowing what Hank was thinking. But, to Connor's surprise, Hank schooled his expression quickly, a half smile forming on his face.
"Like I said, Connor. Don't worry about me. You do what you got to do. I'm with you, 100%"
Oh. Oh. Oh.
Connor loved this man. He felt it so keenly in that moment, gazing at Hank, caught in this moment of uncertainty, but still so willing to follow Connor anywhere. So unafraid. Grinning, Connor turned to Nines, who was slowly lowering the gun.
"Nines, you are my brother. I think part of me always knew that. Even as a child. Amanda, she beat that knowledge out of me. She told me I had no family. That family was weakness. But part of me… it knew. It always knew. And I will always love you. Nothing will ever change that," Connor promised, voice soft, eyes cajoling. The gun lowered farther. Just a little more…
"You always looked out for me. I see that now. I always thought that it was just the closeness of age that made you grow close to me, or I reminded you of someone you loved. But I see the truth now. You love me, Cole, like I love you. And I want nothing more than to be together, happy."
There. Nines has lowered the gun, the weapon pointed at the ground, away from Hank. Hank still didn't move, knowing that the gun could raise again in a moment's notice, but it was enough that Connor knew what he had to do.
"But I can't go with you," Connor stressed, before moving quickly towards the pair. Nines's eyes widened as he tried to pull the gun back up, but he was too slow. Connor reached Nines before he could lift it all the way, grabbing his arm and forcing it down, blood rushing through his ears. Before he could force his brother's arm fully down, though, he heard the gun go off. Not registering any pain, nor seeing any pain on his brother's face, Connor ignored the shot and struggled with his brother, the gun getting tossed away from them both, the pair grappling on the ground as they both tried to gain advantage. Nines was a better fighter than Connor ever was, but Connor was craftier. They were pretty evenly matched, and probably would have kept fighting, Nines growling nonsense at him, had a voice not boomed down at them.
"Nobody fucking move!"
The brothers stopped their fight, their clothes ripped and blood streaming down Nines's face from where he'd been slammed into the ground. Connor tore his eyes up, knelling on the ground, and watched with awe as Hank stood about ten feet from them, one hand holding the gun while the other clutched his gut. Connor ignored that when he saw that the gun was trained on him, causing his eyes to widen. Then the gun switched to Nines, Hank looking confused.
"Ah, fuck… Connor, which one are you?!" Hank called, squinting, body swaying lightly. Connor didn't have time to feel concern for Hank, since a second later his brother called out, his voice higher than normal, sounding exactly like his. Dammit, he was mimicking his voice!
"It's me, Hank! I'm right here!"
Fuck! Now the gun was trained on him, but Connor couldn't find his voice. Thankfully, Nines shouted, "wait! Don't kill him! We can still use him! Just knock him out, Hank!"
Hank paused, eyes narrowing at the pair, blinking rapidly. Connor finally found his voice, calling out.
"Don't listen to him, Hank! I'm the real Connor! He's mimicking my voice to fool you!"
Hank reeled back at that, wincing at something.
"The fuck? He can do that?"
Nines spoke before Connor had a chance, voice beguiling. Connor noticed that Nines kept his eyes narrowed. Likely to prevent Hank from noticing the different shade.
"Yes, Hank, he can. Don't let him fool you. You know me, Hank. Please, listen to me."
God, Nines was convincing. He had always been a perfect actor. Something about his emotionless nature made it easy for him to put on other roles. So Connor had to do better.
"Hank! Please, don't listen to him! We, we're friends! Please, Hank. Listen to me!"
Hank was blinking rapidly, a grimace on his face. But the gun was trained perfectly on them, not wavering a bit.
"Fuck, I don't know. I don't… fuck!" Hank cursed, growling in frustration. Connor got an idea.
"Ask a question only I would know the answer to!" Connor shouted, eyes wide, hoping Hank would see the color and know the truth. But it seemed Hank's vision was not what it could be, because he saw nothing. He just scowled, thinking, and then nodded.
"Alright. What was the first meal we shared together?"
Oh. That was easy enough. Connor had just opened his mouth to speak when Nines's voice rang out, chilling Connor.
"It was pancakes and scrambled eggs, the first morning I was at the facility. However, before that, you brought me spaghetti from the cafeteria."
Wha- how?! How did Nines know that?
Connor didn't have time to be surprised because a second later the gun was trained on him, Hank's finger on the trigger.
"I knew that too! He must have gotten the information somehow! Probably from Captain Allen! Ask me another. Something that happened in private."
Connor was frantic. If Hank shot him, even to disable him, Nines would be able to overpower him. He'd lose. The time was creeping closer to midnight. They still had a few hours, but he needed to move fast. Luckily, Hank paused, nodding gruffly.
"Fine. What's my dog's name?"
Really Hank? That was his private question? Connor called out, his voice steady and clear.
"Sumo. His name is Sumo."
"I was just about to say that!" Nines yelled, frantic. Hank scowled, thinking hard. He was also swaying rapidly. Had he been drinking before this? Was he afraid? He hadn't seemed to be troubled before… the gun was still steady, though. The benefit of over 30 years as a cop, he supposed.
"What's my son's name?"
Oh. This one, this one he knew.
But, yet again, before he could speak, Nines chimed in, voice soft, soothing. Connor felt his heart stop, eyes wide as the man answered.
"Cole. His name was Cole. And it wasn't your fault, Lieutenant. It was an accident," Nines whispered, eyes darting to Connor, a smug expression filling them. Connor could only watch in horror as the gun trained on him, finger tight on the trigger.
"Wait! Hank, please, don't shoot!" Connor begged, eyes wide, fear coating his words. He watched as Hank hesitated, before steadying his hand.
"Why the fuck shouldn't I shoot, you bastard?" Hank growled, eyes narrowed. Connor couldn't look away from those baby blues if he tried. God, but he was beautiful. Despite the situation, despite everything, Connor felt awed at seeing Hank, so in control and so calm despite the chaotic situation. This was what Hank must have been like, as a cop. This was what Hank was good at. It was amazing. Connor's heart twisted, both in pleasure and in pain.
And it was then that he knew what he had to say. How he could convince Hank of who he was. It was all he had left. So, with a deep breath, voice trembling with emotion, Connor began.
"Because I love you, Lieutenant. Hank," Connor corrected himself, taking another deep, shaky breath. He was so terrified, afraid this wouldn't work, but he had to try. And saying the words… they had felt so right. So true. And if they were the last words he ever said? Well, he'd be fine with that.
And so, with his heart pounding, with fear and anticipation, Connor continued.
"I-I don't know how it happened, but from the moment I met you I knew that you were special. It was in the way you looked at me. Behind the anger, there was a spark of something. Something amazing inside you. As time passed, I grew to know you more and more. And… and how could I not fall in love with you? With the way you acted with Sumo, and then with Alice? Or that self-depreciating smile when you would mess something up? Or… or the way you always looked at me, like I was precious? Like I mattered? Or the way you would hold me, so tight I felt I'd never be alone again? You made me want to feel, Hank. You taught me how to love. How to accept the fact that I could love. That I was more than what Cyber made me into. That I was human. That I was Just Connor. It's always been you, Hank, since the moment we met. I love you, and I will never stop loving you."
The air was still after that, the only sound coming from the typing of the mindless slaves. Connor heart was pounding furiously, so terrified, and yet so exhilarated. Nothing else mattered as Connor stared at Hank, whose eyes showed nothing, giving no hint to the thoughts behind them. Connor could only wait, the seconds passing with mounting anxiety.
Just as Connor was about to say more, to try and convince Hank another way, Connor saw Hank's eyes clearing, the man finally seeing him clearly. Connor's heart leapt as he put everything he had into showing the love he felt, wearing his newfound heart on his sleeve. And, slowly, Connor could see that Hank realized the truth. Connor let out a shaky breath as he watched a small smile begin to form on Hank's lips, growing bigger by the second.
"Connor," Hank muttered, so fond that Connor's heart leapt, completely forgetting everything that wasn't Hank as he stared into Hank's gorgeous, cerulean eyes. The moment was broken when Nines, likely knowing he was beat but unwilling to give up, tried his last-ditch effort to convince Hank.
"Don't listen to him Hank, he's lying! He can't know how I feel, Hank, ple-"
Before Nines could finish, the gun went off. In a moment of uncertainty, Connor's eyes widened as he looked down, but he was relieved to find he wasn't bleeding. He then looked to Nines, who was clutching his shoulder, cursing from the pain. Acting fast, Connor dashed to his brother's side, quickly hitting him in the temple, over and over, until he passed out. It wasn't the most elegant way to deal with it, but it was what he had to do. After that, he stood and looked to Hank, heart so full he didn't know how to express it.
He had told Hank he loved him. He had told Hank he loved him. And Hank hadn't seemed upset. In fact, he looked almost overjoyed. He grinned at Hank, ready to rush over and hug him, but paused in confusion when Hank shook his head.
"We can do that later, Con. Finish what you came here to do, first."
Oh. Yes. The mission. He'd honestly forgotten about that, in the excitement. Nodding quickly, Connor pushed the joy in his heart aside (momentarily, as he could never fully keep this bright emotion contained) and moved back to the computer he had found and sent the message to a handful of the workers in the room. He had always known that he wouldn't be able to send everyone a single message all at once. After all, it would be too risky for Cyber to allow one person to have access to all of the modified people on file. But if he sent a message to a handful of person in the communication room, telling them to break free of their programming and wake up, to send the message to everyone they had access to, including the other people in the room? Then he could reach them all. Or at least most.
As soon as he hit send, it was like a wave of people becoming aware, waking for the first time in years. He didn't know what the importance of the term "wake up," was, but Markus had insisted he add it to the message. It was important, he had said. Well, whatever it was, it worked. A few people at a time would wake up, blink and look around, and then type on their computer, forwarding the message along. Pretty soon, half the room was awake, all sending messages rapidly.
Connor couldn't believe his eyes, his heart so full he was sure it would burst. It had worked. They'd done it! The message was out, and they were free!
Connor turned to face Hank, wanting to share in his happiness, but was momentarily confused when he didn't see Hank where he'd been standing. Wait, where…?
It was then he looked down, and his entire world stopped.
Lying on the ground, a pool of blood surrounding him, lied Hank, breath ragged and short. All the joy in his heart vanished in a second, replaced with horror.
No. It can't be. Ice crept into his heart as he only stared, watching the pool of blood expanding far too rapidly for his likely. How? How had he been shot? Had someone found them? How had he not heard them come in? How-
Wait. Connor's heart stopped beating entirely as something he'd put out of his mind cane flooding back. The gunshot. From earlier. Hank swaying. Hank unable to see ten feet in front of him. Hank clutching his gut like his life depended on it.
Nausea rising, Connor took a staggering step forward, then another, and another. Soon, he was by Hank's side, hands hovering, not sure if he should touch. Not sure what he could do. His mind was frozen. For the first time in his life, he had no idea what to do. No idea how to help. He was trapped. Weak. Useless.
Why hadn't Hank said anything?! Why had he gone on like he was fine, when he was anything but?! Why… why…
Connor could feel the tears starting to run down his face, but he couldn't stop them if he tried. Hank looked up at him, his right-hand lifting, trying to touch his face but unable to make it. Connor grabbed the hand and pressed it to his face, sobs filling the air.
"Why? Why? Why didn't you… how could you not… Hank," Connor whispered hoarsely, eyes unable to see through the tears. He blinked them away when he heard Hank chuckle, which turned into a hacking cough. Connor panicked as he heard it, his free hand that was not holding Hank's to his face grabbing the man's chest, another sob escaping.
"Hey, Connor, kid, don't cry. Don't you… don't you worry about me. Okay? I'll… I'll be fine. You did great, kid. I'm so… so fucking proud of you. You freed them, Con. You saved them all. You're a goddamn… hero," Hank choked out, before he started coughing again, body tense with pain.
No. No! This can't be happening! Connor refused to let this happen!
"No! Hank! You can't… you can't leave me! I, I love you! You, you can't…"
The hand on his face tightened, bringing Connor closer to Hank. Connor followed willingly, letting Hank lean Connor's forehead against his own.
"Hey. Hey, don't you cry, Con. Don't you, don't you cry. I, I love you too, okay? So fucking much. I don't, I don't know how, but I know why. You're so special, Con. So fucking… fucking special. I could never deserve someone as, as fucking… as fucking amazing as you. You will go on and fix the world, Con, I know you will. Don't you cry about me. I'm, I'm good. I've wanted this for so long. Cole… I want to see him again. I… I'll fucking miss you, Con. But don't you cry for me. Don't waste your tears on an old fuck like me," Hank rasped, eyes closing and opening slowly, like he could barely keep them open. No. No!
"How, how can I not cry?! Hank," Connor breathed, sobs rushing out. This can't happen. No!
He felt Hank move his face, bringing him closer, and then he finally got what he'd been wanting for so long. But now, now it was tainted. Bittersweet.
He felt lips move against his own, warm and rough and perfect, so fucking perfect. And Connor could do nothing but kiss those lips, pressing firmly to that mouth, his tears making the kiss salty. It only made him cry harder, sobs growing so hard that he could barely keep his mouth pressed to Hank's, no matter how much he wanted to. He tried, but he had to stop, tears falling so fast that he couldn't even see. He heard Hank shushing him, whispering soft, sweet nothings to him as Hank clutched his face, cradling his cheek so tenderly. Finally, he heard that deep baritone voice start to sing, voice rough and not at all pleasant to listen to, but to Connor it was more perfect than anything he'd ever heard before.
"Sun rises, night falls, sometimes the sky calls
Is that a song there, and do I belong there?
I've never been there, but I know the way
I'm going to go back there someday"
Hank's voice trailed off at the end, turning into hacking coughs, but he smiled at Connor anyway, even as his eyes fell shut. Connor couldn't help the sob, heart too heavy and broken to do anything else.
"It's okay, Con. It… it's o… it's okay. I'm… I'll be… I'll be fine. I… you changed my… changed my life, Con. You… you made me… made me think I was more. Better. I can't… I can't repay you that. Just know that I… that I love you, kid. Always… always love you. But you'll be… you'll be fine. Promise. It's okay. I'll be… I'll be okay. I'm just… going home."
With that, Hank's hand finally dropped from Connor's face, all the strength gone. No. No. No!
"Hank. Hank! W-wake up! Hank! Wake up! Don't… you can't leave me! Hank!"
His chest wasn't moving. There was so much blood. No. No!
Connor moved, frantic. He did what he should have done all along, and put pressure on the wound, trying to stop any more blood from leaving. It was futile, so futile, but what else could he do?
Hank couldn't be dead.
He wasn't.
~XoxoxoxoxoxoX~
Connor stared out with Markus and his friends across the sea of people. The last few hours had passed on a blur. There were hundreds, no, thousands of people, watching them, cheering. After the messages had been relayed to everyone, all over the US, thousands of individuals had come to help the protest, including those from the communication room. It had given them the numbers they needed to show the world that it was true.
Sure, it was possible the world wouldn't believe them, still, but they had so many people giving testimonies and proof that the government couldn't deny it. They were free. They were going to be free.
And yet… Connor felt nothing, inside. His heart had died, broken beyond repair.
Only one thing could free him now.
And he might never get it back.
Sorry folks. Next chapter is the last, since I'm probably not writing the epilogue I was planning. I've kind of gotten out of the Detroit fandom, honestly. Meh. But I promise you this: There is a happy ending for this story. So, don't worry.
Also, the song that Hank sings is I'm Going Back There Someday, from the Muppets. I recommend listening to the version by Rachael Yamagata. That's the one I listened to when writing this chapter, at least.