When they arrived, D block mess was still filling with troopers, both on-shift men in their armor and off-duty men in casual fatigues. Every face was identical, but in the Force they each sparked as distinct individuals, as different from each other as they were from any other random being. Anakin instantly picked out Rex's bleached buzz cut across the room, and Rex himself was only a moment behind.
"Attention on deck!"
The buzz of conversation cut off. In a single wave of movement, every sitting clone stood and they all turned, copying Rex's salute. The man directly in front of Anakin almost tripped over himself in surprise, and Anakin smiled at him as he saluted back. "As you were."
They did not, of course, return to how they were.
They were still rookies. They would learn soon enough, but in the meantime...
"Come on, Master," murmured Anakin under his breath, nodding to where Rex stood with Appo. "Let's give them a minute to relax."
"Right behind you," said Obi-Wan agreeably, as if he didn't even notice the whole room staring at him.
As they made their way over, Anakin made sure to stop and greet the men he passed by name. There were more than nine thousand clones in his legion, but the new ones only numbered in the hundreds, and Anakin didn't forget a name after he'd met the man. D block's collective attention hadn't faded away by the time they reached Rex, but at least the line for food at the mess bar had started moving again.
"You enjoy that too much, Rex."
Rex shrugged, but his dry amusement prickled in the Force. "It's good for 'em to jump a little."
"Sure is. Eh, Corporal?" said Appo, needling the man beside him.
The corporal looked unimpressed. "Whatever you say, Sarge."
"Voca, right?" Anakin asked, and the man nodded.
"Yes, sir, that's me."
"One of my new platoon leaders," explained Appo. "Haven't seen any action yet, obviously."
Anakin could clearly sense Voca's irritation, but he didn't show it on his face, which was good. Appo would only have doubled down at the first hint of weakness. At least no one had said anything about his bruised face yet. Hopefully the bacta patch had reduced it to inconspicuousness.
Sharing a look with Rex, Anakin turned to Obi-Wan. "Master, this is Captain Rex, my right hand man. Sergeant Appo — most of the men here in D block are under his command — and Corporal Voca, platoon leader." To the clones, he said, "I'd like you to meet my master, Obi-Wan Kenobi."
"Honored to meet you, sir," said Rex, saluting.
Obi-Wan gave a half-bow and replied, "The pleasure is mine."
"Are you a general, sir, or just a Jedi?" asked Appo.
To a clone, it was understandably an important distinction, since a Jedi uncommissioned in the GAR was outside their chain of command, whereas a Jedi General was a different matter entirely. Anakin still winced a little. Typically, you didn't say the word just in front of the word Jedi.
"I was commissioned as a General at the beginning of the war. I commanded the Fifth Sector Army, until I was killed in action," Obi-Wan said, matter-of-fact.
Appo didn't bat an eye. "Ah, my condolences, General."
"Happens to us all eventually," Rex agreed.
Anakin's chest tightened with gratitude when he saw the way Obi-Wan smiled. You wouldn't get any maudlin sentimentality from these men.
"Where did you go down?" asked Appo.
"Jabiim."
Whistling sharply through his teeth, the sergeant shook his head. "Nasty."
"Before my time," said Rex.
"Before everyone's time, sir," said Voca, and Appo shot him a quelling look.
"Definitely before yours, rookie. But it's true — there aren't many veterans still around from back then."
It hadn't even been two years ago, but Anakin could understand why they talked about the early days of the war like another era. It did feel like that, and he had been twenty years old at the time. The oldest clones were only now approaching twelve.
"Back when?" Ahsoka joined them, appearing near Obi-Wan's shoulder. Anakin had sensed her presence when she entered the room, but he didn't miss the way Obi-Wan took quick a half step away when she spoke.
"Before we began to give ourselves names," said Voca.
"Oh yeah, I wasn't even a padawan then," she said. "Why aren't we getting food?"
"We were waiting for the room to loosen up a little. And for padawans who like to turn up late."
Ahsoka crossed her arms. "Hey, you should be thanking me. If I come in before you, Rex does the 'officer on deck' thing twice."
That was actually an extremely valid point. Instead of admitting it, Anakin developed a sudden hunger and announced that he was heading to the bar. The others followed him, as he had known they would. While the line had thinned out to a trickle, most of the men of D block having already gotten their food, Fives slid through the door at the last second and got there before Anakin.
"Who exactly invited you to this convention, Fives?" said Anakin, pulling out a tray and resigning himself to wait as Fives picked one of every single thing on offer. It wasn't even like there were that many choices, and realistically they all tasted the same: processed nutrition with a texture weirdly between gritty and creamy.
"I'm off duty," Fives responded, as if his gray fatigues hadn't made that clear.
"That explains nothing."
"Maybe I'm just sightseeing. I heard the food down here is better."
Anakin chose something that was supposed to be a Namba patty. "I'm afraid you've been misled."
Cutting at least four people in line, Ahsoka came up to where Anakin was, and his eyes were drawn automatically to where the shiny chrome bead hung proudly. No one in the room was going to tell her anything unless Anakin did, and really there was only one food option available for her anyway. No sense in her waiting in line for things she couldn't eat even if she wanted to. She leaned over, whispering, "Rex is telling Master Kenobi about how he should be proud to have trained you, since you're the greatest general in the Republic and it's an honor and a privilege to serve with you."
Anakin snorted. "Yeah right."
"No, I'm serious. That's literally what he's saying."
She was serious. Anakin almost gave himself whiplash turning to look behind him.
Rex was speaking to Obi-Wan, clearly saying something earnestly and at length. His master listened with focused intent, eyes fixed on Rex's face. Anakin turned again hastily, and felt his ears start to heat. "Ahsoka, wh—? Are you sure? You didn't stop him?"
"What was I supposed to do, tackle Rex to the ground? He's allowed to say good things about you if he wants." She grinned, clearly satisfied with the results of her handiwork.
"I mean, yeah, but—"
He did want Obi-Wan to be proud of him, obviously. He was gratified to know that Rex thought as highly of him as he did of Rex. But the thought of them talking about him also made him want to crawl into a hole and disappear. Why? He had no idea.
Ahsoka waited to see what his objection was, and didn't seem surprised when Anakin couldn't figure it out himself. Finally, she groaned with impatience and then cut Fives in line too. "Out of the way, carnivore coming through," she said, heading for the end of the bar and the only all-meat choice.
At least they did have quite a few drink options, Anakin thought. He filled his cup with green photon fizzle and tried to ignore everyone behind him. It wasn't as good as the photon fizzle at Dex's, but it still wasn't bad. When he caught back up with Ahsoka and Fives, they were staking their claim on the end of a table.
"We're carnivores too," Fives was trying to argue.
"Your excessive amount of flat molars tells me otherwise," said Ahsoka, baring her sharp canines at him.
Sitting down next to a private named Crash, Anakin told him, "Look, I'm really sorry for bringing them here."
Crash grinned. "Never apologize for free mealtime entertainment, General."
The others filled in up and down the table. Obi-Wan took the seat Anakin had saved for him, and Rex was on the other side next to a D-block pilot called Jackknife. Luckily, there was no room for serious conversation in this group at the moment.
"It's okay, Fives. You don't have to be self-conscious. Some of my best friends are omnivores."
"I eat meat all the time!"
Through a mouthful of his own food, Anakin said, "I feel like you don't know what the word carnivore means."
"It means eating meat exclusively. Our education is extremely specialized, General, but I'm not an idiot," Fives insisted. "Look, maybe humans can eat other things too, but that doesn't change the fact that I could easily survive on just meat. Hell, if we can survive on ration bars, meat would be luxury."
"You would die of scurvy," said Obi-Wan. "Ration bars might have a disappointing flavor, but they are created for your body's exact needs."
"Fine, but it would be a delicious death."
"Not all carnivores eat meat exclusively. Just primarily," said Ahsoka, rolling her eyes. "Obligate carnivores like me eat meat exclusively. And anyway, your education has to have some holes, because yesterday Rex said he didn't know what a valet was."
Crash asked, "What the kriff is a valet?"
"It's like a fancy type of servant," Anakin explained. "Most of them are droids. They take care of your clothes and stuff. Nobody really has them except the very rich and important types."
Unimpressed, Rex said, "Yeah, sorry they don't teach the fine points of aristocratic etiquette on Kamino."
Fives reached awkwardly over way too many seats in order to lay a dramatic hand on Rex's shoulder. "Captain, you're a good man and a good soldier, but I have to tell you — you've been watching all the wrong holodramas."
"When do you have time to watch holodramas?" demanded Rex, batting Fives away.
"Have you seen any of Risha Synata's period ones?" Anakin asked with interest. He hadn't known Fives was a cinema enthusiast.
Ahsoka flung out an arm as if to block Fives from the table. "No, Force, don't get him started."
"Wasn't she the actress who turned out to be a Separatist?"
"Well, yeah," Anakin admitted. "But a lot of her holos are still good."
"Madam Synata was a Separatist? That explains so much," Obi-Wan murmured into his drink.
Narrowing his eyes, Anakin insisted, "Come on, Master. Even you have to admit the one where she was the queen of Alderaan was good!"
Obi-Wan raised an eyebrow. "I really don't."
"You just think it's fun to hate everything I like."
"I didn't start out with any particular feeling towards Madam Synata, but even the most tolerant man would find the sound of her voice grating after how many times you played Deception in Juranno, Anakin."
"Thank you!" exclaimed Ahsoka.
Betrayed, Anakin looked between Ahsoka and Obi-Wan, shaking his head. Ahsoka didn't have the patience or interest to sit and watch something for an extended period of time, and when it came to having something on in the background while she worked, Anakin knew she preferred music. As for Obi-Wan, he probably wouldn't deign to approve of anything unless it was inaccessible and highfalutin, like Mon Calamari ballet or something. There was just no appreciation for good, entertaining storytelling.
"I haven't seen the holo, but I believe you, General," said Fives.
"Thanks, Fives. You're the only one I can trust around here."
Coughing, Ahsoka changed the subject as pointedly and ostentatiously as possible. "Sooo... what's everyone else doing this afternoon?"
"I am off duty," said Fives.
"Yeah, we know," said Appo.
"Sleeping," said Crash.
"Rex and I have got that strategy meeting." Anakin felt the attention of everyone at the table immediately sharpen on him. It was Voca who leaned forward first.
"General, is it true that we're heading into major combat?"
"Yes, it is."
"How much action are we likely to see?" Crash asked, too eagerly. He was smacked back into place by Appo's glare.
"As much as you'll ever want to," said Appo.
He was right, Anakin thought. "By the time we finish what we're about to start, not a single one of you will be shiny. It's going to be a hard fight. We'll need each and every man."
"Oya Mando'a," Voca said. "We're ready, General."
Looking him in the eye, Anakin nodded. He saw the same determination reflected in every man's face at the table, veterans and rookies alike. "Good. I know I can rely on you. It's never a fair fight for the Separatists anyway. Not when I have the best soldiers in the galaxy in my legion."
"Yes, sir!" Appo toasted with his cup of water, and Anakin tried not to notice the way Obi-Wan was watching him.
In a tone that made it clear he was purposefully aiding and abetting whatever Ahsoka had planned, Rex asked, "What are you doing, Commander?"
"Well, since you asked..." said Ahsoka, dangerously cheerful. "I thought I might get some training in. Anyone want to come?"
Anakin would have been an automatic yes, except that he couldn't. Rex often joined them as well, except that he couldn't either. Narrowing his eyes, Anakin realized — this was payback.
Voca replied instantly, "In the main gym? Count me in, Commander." Crash also seemed to be reconsidering his commitment to off-duty naps.
"I'll join you, if you don't mind the company," said Obi-Wan.
"Of course, Master Kenobi!" said Ahsoka, in the same instant that Anakin turned and said, "Master."
When he finally looked at Obi-Wan, after so long trying to avoid it, Anakin saw the tension. Concentration lines had deepened at the corners of Obi-Wan's eyes, and the way his jaw was set spoke of some invisible effort. He wasn't as relaxed as he pretended to be.
"What, P—" He visibly corrected himself. "What, Anakin?"
"Do you really think that's a good idea?" There was no more sure way to goad Obi-Wan into running himself ragged on the training floor a day after having his memories restored than to warn him against it too strongly. But still — Anakin had to say something. "Besides, I thought you would come with me to the meeting."
"What possible use could I be there?" asked Obi-Wan reasonably. "The last time I was aware of any grand strategy, we had only been fighting the war for a few months."
There was no answer to that except Anakin's wordless conviction that if he was there, Obi-Wan should be there too. It was locked in a struggle with the part of him that knew he would be more effective during the meeting without having to worry about what his master thought of his input, and between the two, Anakin was effectively neutralized.
"It's settled, then," said Ahsoka.
Anakin glared. Her payback was very effective indeed, but he needed to know she was aware that Obi-Wan was still physically fragile. When she skillfully avoided making eye contact, he prodded her in the Force, pushing look out for him into their bond.
At that, Ahsoka widened her eyes at him and sent back something that felt like mind your business.
"How's the Twilight?" he asked.
She allowed that parting shot, probably only because they both knew it wasn't a very good one. Magnanimously, she said, "It's in tip-top shape, Master."
xxx
The meeting lasted for hours.
This was not exactly shocking. It included by holo all twelve members of the High Council, as well as all the Jedi Generals with divisions participating in the campaign. A group that big would need hours to choose something as simple as what restaurant to eat at. That was the principle behind the Senate, after all.
And then there was Anakin. While he often acted as de facto commander of one of Master Plo's sector armies, on paper only the 501st Legion was his. Ordinarily, he shouldn't have rated a place at this table, but he had never been ordinary. Given his involvement in the development of Operation Rising Tide, and his units' role as the pivot point of the whole strategy, no one had a problem with him being there.
Since the decisions they had to make could hardly be called simple, in relative terms the meeting actually was surprisingly brief. Anakin and Rex were there to assure the Jedi that they could do what the plan required of them, and they did — after registering a slight concern about the Kaikielius assault. Could the Fifth Sector Army hold out there long enough, if it took Anakin's force slightly longer to get there than planned? The Council made a concession by deciding to commit the Sixth Sector Army there with the Fifth outright, instead of holding them back in a supporting position.
It was... a little bit comforting.
Rex and Anakin exchanged a look. They would just have to be fast enough.
When it was over, Anakin felt drained. It was only late afternoon, but he almost wanted to just head back to his bunk. He could tell Rex felt the same. They parted in silence, of one mind without needing to speak.
Besides just collapsing, the other temptation was to head straight for the gym and immediately stick as close to Ahsoka and Obi-Wan as humanly possible. He didn't do either. Anakin had checked his comm as soon as the meeting ended, and found no messages. Ahsoka would have contacted him if anything unexpected and horrible happened, so he had to assume both of them were fine. Instead, he headed to the bridge.
There was nothing to do there, but he hadn't thought there would be.
The place was on a hyperspace crew, about half strength, and Yularen wasn't even there, which meant there was really nothing happening. But there was still enough going on to help him think. Usually, Anakin found that absolute silence and stillness was actually counterproductive for contemplation, or working on a problem. Something about movement outside himself — tinkering on a project, or having some other beings nearby — seemed to make it easier for him to quiet the noise inside his head.
The bridge crew in the pits noted Anakin's presence and then ignored him as he absently paced the walkway above them. The streaked brightness of hyperspace threw uneven illumination up and down the room, a peaceful backdrop to the crew's quiet work. Anakin walked and thought, plans and concerns for the upcoming campaign mixing with his uneasiness about Obi-Wan. Everything came in disjointed fragments, first I'll have to bombard Commenor before the invasion, but there will be civilian casualties and then does he think of me as a burden?
He wished he could talk to Padme, craving the way things often made so much more sense after a conversation with her. She made him feel safe, like he could do anything at all and it would still be the right thing. The time turnaround to both send her a message and receive a response was too long, though. Instead, Anakin tried to imagine what she would say to him right now, with only mild success.
The Force, as usual, was not very much help.
Emptiness meditation was useful for dealing with overwhelming emotions and, if you were like Master Yoda, for discovering cosmic truths. Personally, though, Anakin thought it was used as a temporary way to escape problems just as often. You could get lost in the Force all day, speaking to the dead and the not-yet-born, and learning the ebb and flow of the universe, and still have no idea how to tackle your own problems when you came back to reality.
Unfortunately, most of the time the path forward could only be discovered by looking inward. The Force was probably involved in this process too, but Anakin still felt like he was the one doing all the work. As time passed, the agitated stream of his thoughts slowed, until he found himself just standing next to the command holotable, hands clasped behind his back. Focusing on the campaign had been productive, plans made and then set aside, leaving only a watchful readiness. There was so much that he couldn't know yet, but that was fine. He would deal with everything when the time came. In that, the Force was his ally.
He still had no idea what to do about Obi-Wan.
Anakin knew his goals for the campaign. What did he want from his master? His instinctive answer to that question didn't involve any words, just a whole lot of high-pitched feedback noises, so he went for something easier.
What was he afraid of?
Rejection. Living without Obi-Wan. His master had died, and that had been bad enough. What would Anakin do if Obi-Wan left? If he chose to leave?
Firmly reeling that train of thought back in, Anakin took a deep breath. So... inversely, what he wanted was for Obi-Wan to stay. To want to stay.
No matter how you looked at it, that was something that would never be under Anakin's control. Master Yoda had always taught, Train yourself to let go of everything you fear to lose. You couldn't be tempted to greed or jealousy over something you didn't have, after all. Avoiding the distortion of that fear was the principle behind Jedi non-attachment teachings and Jedi asceticism. While it was a nice theory, not being affected by his relationships was impossible — for Anakin absolutely, and he strongly suspected for some other Jedi too.
Anakin had never figured out how not to be afraid. He had, though, figured out how to ask himself, What would I do if I wasn't afraid?
In this case, he knew exactly what he would do. He had spent long enough imagining it. No running away, no lying, no hiding. If he weren't afraid, he would be honest with his master, speak what was in his heart as boldly as he ever did with Padme, and face whatever came next.
Anakin let that conclusion sit for a while, and walked back to his cabin. He brushed the bond enough to know that Obi-Wan was in his own room, but did not stop. He would check on his master in a little while. Maybe. Unless, possibly, Obi-Wan would prefer to be left alone. Should he wait until tomorrow?
Feeling strangely detached, Anakin stood in the center of his cabin. The door had hissed shut behind him, but he didn't move for a long time. The Resolute and its crew were their own self-contained world, cut off from the rest of the galaxy by hyperspace, and the Force a quiet pool. It murmured to him in the background as he checked his to-do list, sat down to write a message to Shaak Ti, and then couldn't find his datapad. After a too-long minute of looking, Anakin finally remembered that he had left it with Obi-Wan. He substituted his wrist comm, which was fine, although more annoying because of its smaller interface. Message written, he queued it up to the main transmitter, to be sent once they left hyperspace.
That done, he thought again about visiting Obi-Wan.
He commed Ahsoka instead.
SEN: anakin_skywalker (149X212101)
REC: ahsoka_tano (222X472983)
[ 15:3:23 18:28 ]
how was training?
SEN: ahsoka_tano (222X472983)
REC: anakin_skywalker (149X212101)
[ 15:3:23 18:29 ]
good! we did hand-to-hand. shame you couldn't make it. :(
SEN: anakin_skywalker (149X212101)
REC: ahsoka_tano (222X472983)
[ 15:3:23 18:31 ]
Obi-Wan ok?
SEN: ahsoka_tano (222X472983)
REC: anakin_skywalker (149X212101)
[ 15:3:23 18:33 ]
yeah. just did some light refresher type stuff. gave me some good pointers on my footwork. ? tired from so many people at lunch.
SEN: anakin_skywalker (149X212101)
REC: ahsoka_tano (222X472983)
[ 15:3:23 18:33 ]
[ anakin_skywalker has highlighted a portion of your message ]
tired from so many people at lunch
[ 15:3:23 18:33 ]
?
SEN: ahsoka_tano (222X472983)
REC: anakin_skywalker (149X212101)
[ 15:3:23 18:34 ]
having to jump from zero shielding yesterday to blocking out 50+ guys?
SEN: ahsoka_tano (222X472983)
REC: anakin_skywalker (149X212101)
[ 15:3:23 18:37 ]
dinner?
SEN: anakin_skywalker (149X212101)
REC: ahsoka_tano (222X472983)
[ 15:3:23 18:38 ]
i'm gonna take something to Obi-Wan in a minute
SEN: ahsoka_tano (222X472983)
REC: anakin_skywalker (149X212101)
[ 15:3:23 18:40 ]
ok.
SEN: anakin_skywalker (149X212101)
REC: ahsoka_tano (222X472983)
[ 15:3:23 18:40 ]
training tomorrow though? 1030?
SEN: ahsoka_tano (222X472983)
REC: anakin_skywalker (149X212101)
[ 15:3:23 18:42 ]
sure!
SEN: anakin_skywalker (149X212101)
REC: ahsoka_tano (222X472983)
[ 15:3:23 18:44 ]
Rex is invited too.
SEN: ahsoka_tano (222X472983)
REC: anakin_skywalker (149X212101)
[ 15:3:23 18:44 ]
rex says he has a job unlike some people
SEN: anakin_skywalker (149X212101)
REC: ahsoka_tano (222X472983)
[ 15:3:23 18:46 ]
he didn't say that.
SEN: ahsoka_tano (222X472983)
REC: anakin_skywalker (149X212101)
[ 15:3:23 18:47 ]
maybe he did though :)
SEN: anakin_skywalker (149X212101)
REC: ahsoka_tano (222X472983)
[ 15:3:23 18:48 ]
[ anakin_skywalker has forwarded a portion of your message ]
CC: CT.7567 ( 7567_GAR_501)
rex says he has a job unlike some people
SEN: CT.7567 ( 7567_GAR_501)
REC: anakin_skywalker (149X212101) ahsoka_tano (222X472983)
[ 15:3:23 18:50 ]
Rain check, General. Lots of prep work to do tomorrow.
SEN: ahsoka_tano (222X472983)
REC: anakin_skywalker (149X212101) CT.7567 ( 7567_GAR_501)
[ 15:3:23 18:51 ]
so maybe not in those exact WORDS
Anakin was smiling when he put away his comm. Time for an expedition.
Striking out for the officers' mess, he went in search of the least artificial food on the ship, and his ever-reliable secret weapon: tea.
He found about what he expected and appropriated several cylinders of dehydrated meiloorun strips, and fried crispics from the mess. At this point, that bowl of tangy soup he'd eaten on Centares seemed like the stuff of dreams. When he checked the officers' lounge, though, there was a surprising bounty. Someone had apparently done some planetside shopping, and Anakin found jogan fruit — real fresh fruit, not dehydrated or anything — and then, in the conservator, some ice cream canisters. Looked like it was denta bean flavored, which wasn't his favorite, but still — ice cream.
He was definitely taking that.
Tea was harder to come by. Anakin had scoured almost everywhere he could think of and was almost ready to give up when he found a heavy equipment mechanic in one of the lower deck lounges who admitted he had some stashed. It was Mandalorian cassius tea and the cheap powder kind, but Anakin didn't care. "I owe you a huge favor," he told the man, who clearly thought the general's intensity about tea was a little excessive.
Obviously, there was no nectar, but Anakin wasn't bothered as he waited for the tea to brew. That would have been a truly miraculous find aboard a Star Destroyer, and he had already made out surprisingly well. On his way back up, he snagged a spare datapad from maintenance and stuffed it in his belt so he could carry all the rest of the stuff.
At Obi-Wan's door, he took a quick breath and, not giving himself time to think or hesitate, knocked with his elbow. He didn't reach out in the Force, but it didn't matter.
"Come in, Anakin."
He didn't have a hand free to trigger the bio-pad, but by briefly balancing the meiloorun cylinder on the top of the tea jug and holding the jogan fruit with the Force, Anakin managed it. Inside, the lights were on rightly, and Obi-Wan sat on the bunk looking at Anakin's datapad. His back was against the wall, and his slumped posture seemed to suggest that he'd been there for a while.
"I brought food," said Anakin, stating the obvious.
Raising his eyebrows, Obi-Wan pushed himself to sit up. "I thought you said there was no room service."
"It doesn't count if it's me," said Anakin, setting everything down on the desk. "What else are padawans for, right?"
He froze when he realized what he'd just said, but Obi-Wan only asked, "Tea?"
"Well, there's no Corellian brandy on duty, sorry," said Anakin, and grinned when Obi-Wan let out a huff.
"Pity. You seem to have come away with everything else on the ship, though."
"Yeah, and look what I found in the officers' lounge!" Proudly, Anakin displayed the ice cream.
"You stole someone else's food?"
"My ship, my ice cream," said Anakin, sitting down at the desk. "Besides, no one leaves anything in the officers' lounge unless it's for the taking."
Obi-Wan didn't smile, but Anakin could feel his amusement in the room like a muted cloud. "I'll just have some of the tea, if it's all the same to you."
"Sure," said Anakin generously, as if he hadn't specifically hunted down, brewed, and brought the tea for Obi-Wan. "If you eat something real too."
"Does the ice cream count as real?"
"For me, yes. For you?" Anakin made a noncommittal noise as he poured the tea into one of the cups he had brought and handed it across to his master. Cracking open one of the ice cream canisters, he spooned some of it into his mouth and closed his eyes to savor the chilled, sweet flavor. "It has been so long since I had something like this."
"From your intensity, I'd say at least a few days," Obi-Wan said.
Anakin laughed. "Oh, we're talking months, at least."
Obi-Wan widened his eyes over the cup in mock alarm as he took a drink of his tea. For a moment, they both sat and enjoyed their respective choices in silence. Picking up the datapad again, Obi-Wan said, "Mandalorian cassius, that brings back memories."
Anakin had his own suspicions about what memories, but didn't ask or make an amnesia joke. Instead, he pointedly passed Obi-Wan some of the fruit and crispics. "What are you looking at, anyway?"
"I'm attempting to brush up on current events."
"Oh? How is that working out for you?" They were in hyperspace, and that datapad wasn't connected to the broader holonet. It would only be able to access the ship's internal server system, and what could be useful there?
Obi-Wan made an ambiguous hand gesture. "I'm reading your mission reports."
"Oh."
That would certainly be one way to do it.
Anakin sighed, turning on the datapad he'd brought for himself. Speaking of reports. He'd taken care of number seven on his list by queueing that message to Kamino. Once he finished and submitted his official account of the last few days' events, he'd have only one thing left to do.
Eyeing his master, he found Obi-Wan seemingly content to eat while he read, so that was good. He'd been too preoccupied to notice whether his master had much at lunch, and had half-worried that he'd still be as reluctant to eat as he had been on Centares. Anakin started his report, a process which was as boring as ever, and wondered which of the past few months' missions Obi-Wan was looking at.
When he asked, Obi-Wan gave him the date of entry. "15:1:20."
"Okay, and which one is that?"
"It's a rescue operation for Master Piell," said Obi-Wan. "Your reports are surprisingly thorough. Your padawan's as well. I appreciate her color commentary."
Anakin snorted. "What did she say?"
"Well, I don't think the word 'sleazy' is included in standard protocol."
"Who did Ahsoka call sleazy at the Citadel?"
"Master Piell's captain."
"Tarkin? He wasn't that bad."
"Clearly she begs to differ."
Anakin rolled his eyes, noticing again that his master's thoughts were much closer to the surface than they had been that morning. When he finished the Citadel report and learned that Master Piell had been killed, Anakin clearly sensed his surprise and dismay.
Obi-Wan curled up on the narrow bunk frowning somberly at the datapad, in a cabin that was essentially just four close walls and a desk, was the type of visual that Anakin had grown up with. He had traveled across from his master in quarters not unlike this countless times. But now, watching Obi-Wan, he couldn't avoid contrasting this with the days they had spent on Centares. Obi-Wan's little house had been a home, distinctly his, full of his friends and his life.
"Do you ever think about the different lives you might have had? If you weren't Force-sensitive, or if you hadn't become a Jedi?"
It was the kind of question Anakin might have asked as a young padawan, when he was full of bored chatter, determined to talk Obi-Wan's ear off during a long voyage. Or something he would have asked when he was older, both desperate to be told he wasn't alone and delighted to find any possible chink in his master's perfect Jedi armor.
Obi-Wan looked up, still frowning. "Not — often. I always felt I was meant to be a Jedi."
Anakin had expected nothing less. "I always felt I was meant to end slavery," he said aimlessly, just because it was true.
"Maybe you will."
That was not something Obi-Wan ever would have said, even in his imagination. Sitting back in the chair, Anakin blinked and tried not to look as vulnerable as he felt. "You think so?"
Obi-Wan smiled at him, eyebrows raised slightly, so he definitely hadn't succeeded at perfecting his sabacc-face. "I don't know where your path will lead, Anakin, but it has always been clear the Force meant you for great things."
Was that where this was heading? "Because I'm the Chosen One?" said Anakin, voice thick with derision. "Come on, Master. You never believed in that hogwash."
Obi-Wan shook his head. "I'm not talking about the prophecy. I'm talking about you. I know I've missed — a lot, but we spent many years together, and I don't think anyone has been in a better position to know your power or your heart than I have. I knew from very early on that once you mastered yourself, you would be unstoppable."
The Obi-Wan voice in Anakin's head was always teasing, or saying things like, Be mindful, Padawan. Keep your focus where it belongs, Padawan. Anticipation is distraction, Padawan. It never once sounded like this. All Anakin could do was sit and stare.
More quietly, as if he thought Anakin might startle like a frightened Loth-cat, Obi-Wan said, "With the Force, I believe that very little is impossible for you, Anakin. If you feel your destiny is to end slavery, then maybe you will."
Swallowing thickly, Anakin had to look away. He could feel his master's conviction as clear as the ringing note of a bell, and the thread of fondness running almost invisibly underneath. Obi-Wan wasn't dreaming, sleep-deprived, or without his memories now. It was almost too much to face at once, like looking into a sun.
"I guess I'll have to do something to keep myself busy after the war ends, anyway," said Anakin, shrugging and straining for nonchalance with every atom of his being,
Easily, Obi-Wan met him there. "Exactly. Force help the galaxy if you have too much downtime, after all."
When Anakin dared to glance back at his master, Obi-Wan's eyes were still serious and pensive. Whatever he was thinking of, it wasn't happy, though the undercurrent of affection did not dissipate. Reaching out in the bond, Anakin gave him a crooked smile, surprised to find Obi-Wan's shields so thin. "Yeah, I... thanks, Master."
"For what? It's only the truth," said Obi-Wan, as if the truth weren't one of the galaxy's rarest resources. Force knew he had never been one to liberally spread it around, either. Before Anakin could comment, he leaned forward slightly. "I think I've changed my mind about some of that ice cream, if there's any left."
Anakin's had more than half melted by now, but the unopened canisters were still mostly frozen. He passed one over, pleased to see that Obi-Wan had finished all the crispics and most of the jogan fruit as well. In trade, Anakin took the last jogan fruit for himself, biting into it and chewing thoughtfully. Should he save the last ice cream canister for Ahsoka?
"How was training, by the way?"
Obi-Wan made a distinctly dissatisfied noise. Once he had swallowed his spoonful of ice cream, he said, "Horrendous."
This would have been alarming, except that if anything actually horrendous had happened, Obi-Wan would not be admitting it. "Really? That's not what Ahsoka said."
"She had a good time, I'm sure. The men always like to see 'Jedi tricks.'"
They sure did. Anakin, of course, had never been guilty of showing off for the clones during training. Mouth full of fruit, he just hummed interrogatively.
"I only tested my control and coordination. I had thought, since this morning I was able to meditate, that things were on the upswing, but the results were not ideal. It was—" he paused, searching for a word that conveyed the depth of the displeasure Anakin could sense radiating from him, before settling on "—discouraging."
"It has only been one day," Anakin pointed out. "You didn't think you were just going to miraculously be in tip-top shape after a year of not touching the Force, did you?"
"Of course not," said Obi-Wan, sighing. "It's just worse than I expected."
Convalescing was always a frustrating process, even when your injuries were only physical. "Give it time. Like I said, it's only been a day, and you're already so far beyond where you were last night. If every day is like today, you'll probably be fighting fit in no time."
"Yes." Obi-Wan sat cross-legged, leaning against the bulkhead wall behind him, wearing Anakin's tunics and gravely eating ice cream. Profound dissatisfaction layered under his slight frown.
It wasn't the idyllic peace of the house on Centares, and it wasn't even anything Anakin could have imagined. In his memories his master was wise and perfect, gilded in unattainable light, but here Obi-Wan was real. His hair fell messily into his eyes, his shields were fragile and leaking, and he thought with a very human impatience of his long road to recovery. He wasn't a godlike being, he wasn't even Anakin's master anymore — he was just a man, he was Obi-Wan, and Anakin loved him.
Anakin was suddenly, fiercely glad that things weren't turning out like he'd envisioned. Honesty was going to be harder than he'd thought— but in his imagination, Obi-Wan had never said, You are meant for great things. If it was harder, maybe it would also be better?
"Are you up for trying it again tomorrow?"
"Yes," he said instantly, and Anakin grinned, trying not to let his emotions overflow.
"Me and Ahsoka are going to put in some mat time tomorrow morning at ten thirty."
"I'll be there."
Anakin's ice cream was practically soup at this point, so he tipped the canister up and drank the rest of it with a loud slurping noise. When Obi-Wan reached over and dropped his also-empty canister into Anakin's, he looked up in surprise. "You finished that whole thing already?"
"I was strangely hungry. Denta bean is one of the best flavors, too." Obi-Wan shrugged.
"You would think so."
"What's that supposed to mean—"
Obi-Wan had clearly caught himself before almost saying padawan, but Anakin didn't even slow his roll. "I'm just saying, you've always had questionable tastes, Master. Why would you want ice cream to taste like a bean? A bean? Really?"
"It's a naturally sweet bean!"
"Still! There are so many more good, normal flavors you can use to make it instead, like chocolate. Or fruits."
"Fruit-flavored ice cream is pointless. Just eat the fruit!" argued Obi-Wan.
"No, you're so wrong," Anakin groaned. "So misguided. It's tragic."
"I notice the flavor didn't stop you from eating a whole canister."
"I am a soldier, deployed for months to the harsh conditions of the front lines, far from all luxuries and material comforts. Desperation does things to people." Struck with sudden inspiration, Anakin added, "It's basically like when the crew of the stranded exploration cruiser Titiana's Javelin had to resort to cannibalism."
At the mention of another one of Madam Synata's dramas, Obi-Wan's expression darkened. "That holo was ridiculously sensationalized and almost completely ahistorical."
Anakin set both canisters down sharply onto the desk, as if rapping a gavel, and spread his hands in victory. "I rest my case." Obi-Wan's body language had relaxed, his previous agitation faded away into the Force, and he looked poised to begin a diatribe on why bother to base a holofilm on a true story if you're just going to ignore the actual facts?
Mission accomplished.
"What case?"
Sitting back in the chair, Anakin just grinned. When Obi-Wan made a disdainful scoffing noise, his chest tightened so sharply that for a moment it was hard to breathe. He hadn't remembered that. Of course he had remembered driving Obi-Wan up the wall on purpose, one of his favorite activities, but he hadn't remembered that specific noise — gruff and dismissive, but shot through with fondness.
That noise meant that Anakin had won the exchange, and he couldn't stop his smile from taking over his whole face.
There were so many tiny things Anakin hadn't realized he'd lost about who his master had been, who they had been together, and now pieces were falling back into place. Each one was a heart-stopping surprise, like hearing the forgotten notes of a favorite childhood song. This was where he was meant to be. Master or not, fear or not, he was meant to be by Obi-Wan's side.
At that moment, it didn't feel too unrealistic to hope that Obi-Wan felt the same way.
He certainly didn't seem to mind Anakin staying, making himself at home at the desk and working on his report while Obi-Wan read. Occasionally, he would toss Anakin a question about whatever mission he was looking at, but they were all clarifying and factual. Not once did he ask Anakin to account for a past decision, or justify his judgment. By the fifth time, Anakin got his shoulders to stop tensing up whenever Obi-Wan spoke.
Only half of his report had been finished by the time Anakin noticed the way his master was blinking and refocusing, as if he kept losing track of the text on the datapad screen. He'd only gone up through the asteroid assault, but when Anakin leaned into the Force, he found that Obi-Wan's shields had frayed still further. It wasn't hard to figure out that he was tired.
Anakin didn't want to leave, but it wasn't like he could stay here while Obi-Wan slept. He didn't have an excuse this time. Eyeing his master, Anakin wished he could offer joint meditation again. He knew Obi-Wan hated not being in control of himself, and it had seemed like it helped last time. But it would be like saying, You're failing and you obviously need my help.
Pointing out something like that in the past had always ended in Obi-Wan stubbornly doubling down. He had accepted Anakin's help at the clinic because he'd been unable to function without it, and he probably also hadn't been in his right mind. When they were both sober and sane, Obi-Wan didn't willingly share vulnerability like that with him. They didn't have that kind of relationship.
Without looking up, Obi-Wan said, "What's bothering you now?"
"Nothing, Master," said Anakin, lying out of knee-jerk instinct.
"Well, 'nothing' certainly has caused a lot of turmoil in the Force."
Sheepishly, Anakin reinforced his own shields. "Sorry."
Obi-Wan didn't comment, merely raising an eyebrow at his datapad. For a moment, Anakin just watched his master's face. Obi-Wan had said, You are meant for great things. He had said, Very little is impossible for you. It still seemed surreal, filling Anakin with a strange, almost giddy feeling when he thought about it. They didn't have that kind of relationship either.
"I'm gonna head out in a minute, Master."
"All right."
Anakin hesitated, but took a slow breath. If Obi-Wan could say those kinds of things to him, surely he could be at least as bold? "Before I go... uh, I was just wondering. Do you want to meditate?"
That made Obi-Wan lift his head. You would have thought Anakin had started spouting off in Geonosian, there was so much clear confusion in his master's frown — but the minute he understood what was being offered, Obi-Wan's face shuttered. He didn't have the control to be as guarded as he had been that morning, so Anakin felt his wariness like a slap in the face.
"A generous offer, but I don't think that's necessary."
For a long second, Anakin fought not to react. He had known it was a bad idea to bring it up. He was only trying to help! Why should his master react like Anakin was attacking him? Obi-Wan was always the one laying traps with a hidden agenda, not Anakin. The urge was to strike out as Obi-Wan withdrew, psychically aggressive in a way he hadn't been for a long time.
No, no, no.
What would I do if I wasn't afraid?
"Are you sure? It's your choice, I just thought... I mean, I know it must be frustrating. I just want you to be okay, Master. If I can help, please let me?"
"Anakin..." Obi-Wan's face softened, and he considered Anakin carefully, like a puzzle he didn't quite understand. Still clearly reluctant, he sighed. Setting aside the datapad, he readjusted his position on the bunk and lifted his hands to Anakin.
Joint meditation did not technically have to involve touching at all, but Anakin almost literally leapt at the chance. He felt Obi-Wan's amusement at the way he jumped to settle across from his master, but, as he took Obi-Wan's hands, this still felt like a test.
Anakin didn't mind too much. It was a test he knew he would pass.
Falling into sync this time was harder, but Anakin wasn't sleep-deprived and hungover either. Patience? He was ready to sit here all night if necessary, waiting for Obi-Wan to trust him. Instinctively aware that turning inward right away wasn't the best idea, Anakin instead opened himself almost totally to the Living Force. He was careful to stay in control, but for the most part allowed the Force to fill him, moving with the eddies of its light.
As he had suspected, it didn't take long to lure Obi-Wan in to join him.
From there, Anakin concentrated on being an absolute bulwark of restraint. He was the least invasive being in the galaxy. He was a river, he was nothing, he was the Force. He provided structure, and let Obi-Wan do the rest.
When they finally eased back into individuality, the structure of Obi-Wan's mental shielding was back in place. But rather than being further away than ever, he seemed almost open.
"Look at you," he said, eyes smiling. "Anakin Skywalker, meditation expert. That's something I never expected to see."
Anakin ducked his head, sputtering something about not being an expert, and having to learn because of Ahsoka, but the feeling of Obi-Wan's smile stayed with him all night. He played and replayed the memory of Obi-Wan's voice saying, you are meant for great things, storing it up in his heart. Anakin didn't care so much about great things — he cared that Obi-Wan had said it, and every time it made him feel like he could walk on the stars.
It only occurred to him in the few blurred seconds before falling asleep, that Obi-Wan's words also had the ring of a goodbye.