Howdy everyone! I just wanted to check in with a new chapter! Bella is back! Today and tomorrow are going to be interesting in my world. We would appreciate positive thoughts and prayers. I am grateful for each of you who read this little story and comment! If all goes well, I hope to post more around this coming weekend if not sooner!
Thank you itsmereading for your magical betaing and friendship! I need to come up with more original material here. But you know my brain and heart!
ttcub...I aim to make Edward as unlovable as possible. I am glad you agree. Nana I can't wait for your comments. We shall see what is going on in the Swan's house. As soon as I figure it out. Which will be Riley's chapter in a few.
Enjoy!
Chapter 21
Bella:
For King And Country : Joy
What can I say? Looking back at my life, there are many things I would change if I could. I would have found a way to leave Edward before I did. I would have left home. I would have gotten justice sooner. But, I am where I am supposed to be. So the wise people say, "Consider it pure joy when you face trials of many kinds." James 1:2. How does that make things better?
Jasper normally is a quiet guy. He said that sometimes, you have to find the joy in the trials. In the growth. In the pain. Sometimes, the joy is the growing that you do while you wait for the trial to be over. Well, that does make sense. You get joy in choosing to be happy and that I am going to do.
I realized that had I gone to the police sooner and had actually gotten somewhere with an investigation, I would not have had all the support I have had. I would not have had the full support of the Washington State Police, or the Forks Police, even my La Push and Forks families.
Slowly each day, my confidence is growing. I still have a lot of issues with my self esteem, but I am grateful that each breakdown is getting better. I won't lie, it has been hell. But slowly it is getting less hellish. I just wish things would stop happening.
I thought, wrongly that things would be over. Sadly, at home and at Paul's that proved to be false. But I am grateful for Paul and how he handled everything. That is the Trooper in him. I will forever be grateful for him keeping me safe. I am unsure about how he feels about me. Sometimes I feel like he loves me, like I am the most important person in his world. There is a Quileute legend involving finding one's soulmate. Imprinting. While it is more for the "wolf warriors", I can see it in the way the Quileute men love their women, even after death. Sarah, Billy's wife died several years ago and he still won't look at another woman. I remember the way they would look at each other and want that for myself someday. Could I see that with Paul? I don't know. My head and heart are not in any place to think about this.
Same with Emmett. He has been in been in my life for years. He has been a constant that I could usually count on. He would drop anything for me, damn the consequences like on my birthday. Then again, Mama McCarty loved me so if I said jump she knew he would come to ask me how high. I hate that I never fully left Edward before that day, but I couldn't. I wasn't ready. I wasn't sure my loved ones would be safe, Alice included. I wonder how Alice is doing…