Letters from a Lost Love

Chapter 3: Faulty Conscience

The next morning…

The first rays of the sun refracted through the bedroom windows, alerting Ariella to their presence.

As her eyes adjusted to the light, she slowly turned in bed, noting with a start that Michael wasn't there.

Had he already left? She knew he was an early riser, but she had hoped he would at least have said goodbye or something.

Then she saw him standing in the doorway, already dressed.

"Good morning, Ariella. Breakfast is on the table. I have to leave in two hours, I have a plane to catch. I'm meeting with the manager of one of the Vegas casinos later today."

Ariella nodded, trying not to look as deflated as she felt.

"Okay. I hope everything goes well. And thank you for making breakfast."

"You're welcome," he said, going to plant a kiss on her forehead.

She looked up at him, and he cupped her cheek.

"I know this is hard for you, but…"

She put her finger to his lips.

"Don't worry about it. I'm fine, Michael. Believe me. How long will you be in Vegas?"

"Just long enough to make sure everything is running smoothly. A week at most. I'll keep you updated, I promise."

"I know."

She jumped up.

"Let me get dressed and I'll be at the table in ten minutes."

Fifteen minutes later, the two of them were eating and talking, reminiscing about happier times.

Suddenly, Ariella stopped.

"Neri isn't still outside, is he?"

"He's patrolling the grounds."

"Did he have breakfast yet?"

"Yes. Don't worry about it."

"Don't tell me not to worry. He's my friend too."

"Touché."

"Sorry, I just…"

"You care about people. That's not a bad thing. Never apologize for who you are."

Ariella nodded, giving Michael a grateful smile.

She knew if her sister were here, she would be getting an earful, but quickly put that thought out of her mind. It didn't matter what her sister or anyone else thought of her choices. She knew Michael would never hurt her. And she would rather have his respect and affection than have something as fickle as romantic love.

But she wondered what Michael thought, how he felt. She would do anything to make him happy.

Love doesn't trap, it frees.

Suddenly, she felt extremely guilty.

How could she have been so blind? Why had she only considered what she wanted? This was all Michael's decision. She'd told herself over and over again that if he rejected her, she would be okay with it, but now, having him here with her, she didn't think she could do it. She felt sick to her stomach.

She'd spent so much of her time trying not to feel that she didn't know what to do with this surfeit of emotion. Wanting him close but not wanting him to be unhappy; wanting not to be alone but knowing it was probably inevitable.

Man, she needed a therapist.

Of course, that would require her to talk about the business, and she would never do that.

And then, there was Michael himself. She knew he was manipulating her, she knew this was all just a game to him. She was tired of people playing games with her heart. Her own mother didn't love her, the men she thought cared for her didn't, and the man she loved more than anything was using her for his own needs (though, that was more on her, since she had been the one to propose this).

That's what I get for putting myself out there.

The thought should have made her angry. Instead it just made her emotionally drained.

She wasn't good enough for anyone, it seemed. But she wasn't going to force Michael to love her. He couldn't. And she couldn't love anyone either, at least, not without destroying them in the process.

This relationship is going to crash and burn.

She and Michael were far too similar to work out, she thought. They'd end up hurting each other.

This is all a mistake.

"What?"

Ariella looked up at the sound of Michael's voice. She hadn't realized she'd spoken aloud.

She shook her head.

"Nothing."

"No. What's a mistake?"

Ariella laughed mirthlessly.

"This. This whole thing is a mistake. I'm sorry I ever did any of it."

"What are you talking about?"

"I should never have made this deal with you. I'm sorry I wasted your time."

"You didn't."

"What?"

"You didn't waste my time. I read the letters again this morning when I woke up."

"And?"

"They're beautiful. Not just the writing, all of it. The depth of your feelings…I know now that your mother didn't put you up to it. She couldn't have."

"I'm glad you finally agree with me. But it doesn't change anything, does it?"

Michael sighed.

"I wish I could lie and say yes. But I can't."

"This isn't going to work out."

"Don't say that. I never said I would never love you that way, I said I don't."

Ariella's heart lifted as she read the truth in Michael's eyes.

"It might take some time…"

"I don't care how long it takes," Ariella exclaimed.

Michael gently took her hand in his.

"I love you, Ariella. As a friend. I always have and I always will."

"That's a good enough start for me."

They were silent for a minute, then Ariella said, "But you have to go."

"Would you like to come with me?"

"On such short notice?"

"I kind of already bought you a ticket."

"What?"

"It was supposed to be a business deal. I was going to ask you anyway."

"And when were you planning on telling me?"

"I'm telling you now. Do you accept?"

"Yes. I'll go pack."

She started to clear the table, but Michael stopped her.

"You get ready. I'll handle everything."

Once he was finished with the dishes, he went to find Neri.

"Ariella's coming with us."

His bodyguard nodded. "Sure, boss."

"I expect you to watch out for her the same way you watch out for me. Is that understood?"

"Yes, sir."

Michael paced back and forth, his mind quickly running through everything he had to do.

Then he stopped and turned to Neri.

"Al, can I ask you something?"

"Of course. What do you need?"

"Advice."

"I'll do my best."

"This stays between us."

"I know."

"What do you think of Ariella?"

"Permission to be honest, Michael?"

"I insist."

"She's a lot better than Kay. She's loyal, and honest, and trustworthy. And she cares for you. More than you know."

"What do you mean?"

"She would give her life for you. She would kill for you in an instant. She would do anything to ensure your happiness."

Michael sighed. "That's the problem."

Neri was curious, but didn't pry. If Michael wanted to tell him, he would.

His silence was rewarded.

Michael continued, almost forgetting Neri was there.

"She loves me. I know she does. But I can't…I can't love her the way she wants me to. And it's killing me."

He looked at Neri, and the pain in his eyes nearly broke Neri's heart.

"I wish…I wish I wasn't like this."

Neri was taken aback, but didn't show it. He had never seen the don so vulnerable.

"I never should have killed my brother. It was the worst mistake of my life."

Neri stood in silence, letting Michael speak. He knew how necessary it was to release one's emotions.

"I keep hurting the people I love. My children, Ariella, my family. I tell myself I'm protecting them from the dangers out there, but I'm their most dangerous enemy. What can I do? How can I protect them from myself?"

Neri shook his head. He didn't know what to tell Michael.

"Al?"

Neri thought for a minute, then figured it was best to take this one step at a time.

"Regarding Ariella, I think…I think you should just let things flow naturally. Ariella knows you don't love her. She's known it her whole life, but she still has hope that you'll give her a chance. She'll wait for you, as long as it takes. You can grow to love her. And I truly believe she can help you in every way, if you're willing to let her. The rest of it…I'm not sure what to tell you on that front."

"Try."

If Neri didn't know better, he'd say Michael was drunk. Michael had never been this vulnerable with anyone except his parents. It was a testament to how strong his bond was with Neri that he felt comfortable enough to share his true emotions, emotions that he had spent a lifetime hiding.

Neri knew the next words out of his mouth might get him killed, but he knew how much the Don valued honesty. Besides, Michael was staring at him with such an intense gaze, it was hard to think straight, much less make up an answer.

"You need to be honest with yourself. Completely. Don't hide from what you've done. Accept it, understand it, and move forward. You made the choices you did to protect your family."

Neri's heart was thundering in his chest. His days were numbered for sure now.

The expression on Michael's face never changed. If anything, it got even more intense.

Neri forced himself to look down, the same way he had when Michael had stared at him to tell him to kill Fredo.

A hand jerked his head up.

"Don't."

Neri stood completely still as Michael continued to stare at him.

"You've been loyal to me from the beginning, Al. Without question. Why? Why do you choose to stay when everyone else has betrayed me?"

"Because you need me. You believe in what you're doing, and you need someone to be in your corner."

Michael nodded. "Thank you, Al."

"Anytime, Mikey."

"So, are we ready to go?"

Michael and Neri turned to see Ariella standing in the doorway.

"Did I interrupt something? I'm sorry."

"No, I was just briefing Neri about the trip," Michael lied smoothly.

Ariella nodded, knowing he was lying but choosing not to follow up on it.

Neri went to get the luggage and load them into the car.

Michael took Ariella's hand in his, rubbing his thumb against it slowly.

"Thank you for never giving up on me."

"I would never. You mean everything to me."

Michael raised her hand to his lips and kissed it, his eyes never leaving hers.

Then he said, "Let's leave before we miss our flight."

Ariella nodded and they walked out to the car.

Seven hours later…

Las Vegas, Nevada

ARIA Resort & Casino

After checking in, Michael, Ariella, and Neri went down to the casino.

Minutes later, they were led into the manager's office.

The manager, whose name was Roland Ferguson, greeted Michael warmly.

"Mr. Corleone, what a pleasure to see you again. I trust things are going well?"

Michael nodded. "As well as can be expected. Roland, this is Ariella McGyver, my assistant."

Roland smiled, shaking Ariella's hand.

"Charmed."

Ariella smiled in return, but it didn't reach her eyes. She could feel there was something off about this man.

"And Al Neri," Michael continued the introductions.

Roland glanced at Neri, and Ariella could see him tense up.

Interesting. He definitely seems like he has something to hide.

And Ariella would make it her mission to find out exactly what it was.

As Michael and Roland talked, Ariella watched Roland intently. While he looked calm on the outside, Ariella noticed his hands shaking slightly. His eyes kept drifting to her, as if he were pleading for mercy.

Unfortunately, he wouldn't find any mercy from either her or Michael. Especially not Michael, who was beginning to grow suspicious.

"Mr. Ferguson, is there a particular reason you keep staring at my assistant?"

Roland quickly shifted his gaze to Michael's.

"No."

"No?"

Ariella hid a smirk. Michael's voice was deceptively calm. This man had better be very careful.

You're treading on thin ice here, Mr. Ferguson.

"I just…I'm not used to seeing a woman in a position of power."

"Ah, I see."

Smooth move, but that won't save you.

"You have nothing to fear, Roland. Ariella will not hurt you. She answers to me."

"Interesting. May I ask how you managed to recruit her?"

"Ask her yourself."

Roland turned to Ariella.

"How did you come to work for Michael?"

"Family connections," Ariella replied shortly.

"Your father…"

"Died years ago, and no, there were no sons to carry on the tradition. Just me. I hope that's not a problem for you."

"No, not at all."

He turned to Michael.

"You're very lucky."

"I am. Now, Roland, I hope you can explain to me why the accounts for the past five months have been so…lackluster."

Roland laughed (nervously, Ariella noticed). "You know how it is, Michael. Overhead, taxes, it just keeps on adding up."

"I am not an unreasonable man, Roland. You know that. If you had a problem, you should have told me. Just tell me the truth."

Ariella knew how dangerous the truth could be, but what was even more dangerous was the consequence of not telling the whole truth.

She really hoped Roland would make it easy on himself and just be honest.

But of course, in this business, honesty was expensive.

"The truth is, I took some money from the accounts to save for my son's college fund. I'm sorry. I shouldn't have cheated you like that."

"No, you shouldn't have. You will put back every penny of the money you stole. And I will be checking with your supervisors to make sure you never do something like this again. Do I make myself clear?"

"Crystal."

"Good. I'll see you before the end of the year."

Just as Ariella was walking out, she saw Roland wink at her.

Dear God, what an utter fool.

Michael was going to be pissed.

Room 215A

Ariella flopped down on her bed, her mind racing.

Roland Ferguson was on borrowed time, of that she was absolutely certain.

Michael wasn't happy.

"This is what happens when you leave things in the hands of incompetent people. I can't believe he stole money from the casino to pay for a fund that is basically non-existent."

"You didn't actually buy that story, did you?"

"You think he's lying?"

"He winked at me as we were leaving. Like he won or something."

"What do you think he's really doing?"

"It could be any number of things. Prostitution, tax evasion, anything."

Michael sighed.

"I'll get someone to tail him."

Ariella sat up and looked at Michael. Really, truly looked at him.

He looked so tired, and not just physically. He looked like he wanted to hand over everything to someone else, let them deal with the hassle for a while.

"Why are you staring at me like that?" he asked, rather sharply.

Ariella quickly looked away.

"I'm sorry, I shouldn't have snapped at you."

"It's okay. I can handle it."

"No, it is not okay. I shouldn't be taking out my anger on you."

"Who are you going to take it out on, then? The trees?" Ariella retorted, pleased to see a shadow of a smile cross Michael's face.

"I think they'd run for cover," he replied. "Like everyone else."

The smile was gone now.

Ariella reached out to put her hand on his shoulder, then stopped.

To her surprise, Michael nodded.

"Go ahead."

Ariella couldn't say what triggered her next actions. Maybe it was the look on Michael's face, maybe she had finally snapped.

Either way, the next thing she knew, her fingers were loosening Michael's tie.

She gestured to him to sit on the bed, then climbed up behind him, quickly removing his jacket and shirt and massaging his shoulders gently but firmly.

Her heart pounding wildly, she continued her ministrations, loving the feel of his skin beneath her hands.

He's going to kill me. Well, as far as death goes, this might be rather pleasant. Or…not.

She stopped as quickly as she started, unable to say or do anything.

"Why did you stop?"

"You…liked it?"

"Very much. Keep going."

Buoyed by his words, Ariella continued, letting her mind wander.

Michael, on the other hand, was completely focused.

He never knew Ariella could be so…was there even a word for this?

Neither of his wives had done this for him, not willingly, at least. Apollonia had never gotten the chance, and Kay…well, Kay wasn't exactly fond of him after what he had put her through. Not that he had blamed her, but still. It hurt to know that the woman he had loved once upon a time had been so cold and callous towards him that she had killed his son.

But right now, none of that mattered. All that mattered was that Ariella was here, her hands trailing down his back.

It felt good. No. If he was being completely honest, it felt more than good. And it wasn't just attraction.

It was knowing, knowing that Ariella cared for him in a way no one else had in a long time. Knowing that she would be there in the darkest moments, when he hated himself and everyone and everything. She would be his anchor, like she had been for the past forty years.

There was no way he could repay her for what she had given him, but he could try.

And he knew just the way to do it.