Letters from a Lost Love

Chapter 7: Tears Dry On Their Own

One year later…

The Corleone Compound

Ariella tossed and turned, trying and failing to awake from this dreaded nightmare.

All she could see were her husband's dark eyes boring into her, riveting her to the floor.

"What use are you to me now?" he asked, his voice deadly calm, terrifying her far more than anyone else ever had.

"I'm sorry, Michael. Please don't hurt me."

"Don't tell me what to do! You are the one who betrayed me, after you swore you wouldn't. You promised me you would give me a son, an heir, but you couldn't even do that, could you?"

"I…"

"Could you?!"

"It's not my fault! I didn't know!"

"And I'm supposed to believe that?"

"I wouldn't lie to you, you know that!"

"Do I?" Michael challenged. "You never told me Charles wanted to kill me. Lying by omission."

"I was trying to protect you."

Michael laughed harshly.

"Protect me? By leaving me open as a target? Is that what you consider protection? If things had been different…I would be dead right now. Is that what you wanted?"

"Of course not!"

Suddenly, his hands were wrapping around her throat.

"You need to pay for your betrayal, Ariella."

"No!"

Ariella woke up with a start, terrified and disoriented.

Her heart pounding in her chest, she decided to go downstairs and make some tea to calm her nerves.

As she passed the study, she noticed Michael at his desk, still working.

He saw her and asked, "Ariella, what are you doing down here?"

Ariella sighed. "I couldn't sleep."

"I'm sorry. I'll be up in a few minutes."

Then he noticed the look on her face.

"It's something else. Did you have a bad dream?"

Ariella nodded.

"Do you want to talk about it?"

"I…I don't think I can. I just came down here to get some tea."

"I'll make some for both of us."

Once he was gone, Ariella buried her head in her hands.

She felt like such a failure. If she couldn't even have children, what was the point? She had promised her husband that if he agreed to marry her, she would provide him with an heir to carry on the Corleone name, but that promise was broken now. Like she was broken.

She shook her head, trying to stop the flood of tears welling up in her eyes, but to no avail.

That was how Michael found her a few minutes later.

He set down the tea and lifted his wife into his arms.

"It's all right, my love. Whatever it is, it's all right."

"No, it's not," Ariella replied, stepping away from him. "I betrayed you, and I'm so sorry."

"What are you talking about?"

The question was asked innocently enough, but Ariella detected a hint of anger in her husband's voice.

"I found out yesterday that I can't have children."

Michael was silent as he processed this knowledge.

Ariella waited, apprehensive.

After what seemed like an eternity, he responded.

"Are you sure?"

Ariella nodded sadly.

"I'm sure. I know this isn't what you wanted. I promised you, and I broke my promise."

"No, you didn't. You didn't know. You're still my wife, and I love you, no matter what."

"I love you too."

"Is that what your nightmare was about? You were worried I would react badly?"

"Yes. In the dream you killed me."

"You didn't think I would actually do that, did you?"

"No, of course not, but…"

Ariella stopped, realizing her mistake too late.

"Wait, you…you thought I would hurt you?"

"No, I just…"

"How could you even begin to think that, Ariella? Have I ever hurt you?"

"No."

"Then why…"

"I know what you did to Kay. I thought…"

"You don't trust me. After all these years, after all this time, you still don't trust me."

"Michael…"

"No. What do I have to do to get you to trust me? Tell me and I'll do it."

"This isn't about you. You know I have trust issues."

"So do I, and yet I trust you! But you can't do the same for me."

"But I do…"

"Don't lie to me! I would never hurt you. I would die before I ever hurt you."

"I know that!"

"No, you don't. I don't think you ever did."

"That's not true!"

"Really? I beg to differ. It took you years to tell me you were abused and raped."

"Because I consider those things shameful!" Ariella cried, her eyes flashing. "In case you haven't noticed, most victims of abuse and assault take years to open up! I didn't feel I was worthy of love or affection! So no, I don't apologize for not telling you earlier, especially considering what you did with that knowledge."

"I thought we moved past that. It seems you haven't."

"How can I? I thought you'd be prudent enough to keep it a secret, considering what you do for a living, but I guess I was wrong."

Michael was stunned. He couldn't believe Ariella would dredge up the past again.

"So that's it, then. You never trusted me at all."

"I trusted you until you gave me a reason not to."

Michael stared at his wife, his heart shattering at her cold admission.

When he had banished Kay, he had thought that the pain she'd put him through was the worst he'd ever felt, but tonight had proven him wrong.

"If you stopped trusting me then, why did you stay?" he asked quietly.

"Because I still loved you. I always have and I always will."

"How am I supposed to believe a word you're telling me? Do you even know what love really is?"

"I know how I feel about you."

"What you feel for me isn't love, Ariella. I don't know what it is, but I know it's not love. I think it's obsession."

"That's not…"

"Yes, it is. You've been obsessed with me ever since you were a girl, and now…now I feel like you're trying to trap me with this marriage."

"I would never do that!"

"You don't trust me, and I can't make you. I love you, but I think you need help. Professional help."

"Please don't…"

"Ariella. Stop. Just stop. I can't do this anymore."

"What are you saying?"

"You need to talk to a therapist. I think we both do. Someone who knows our situation, but can also be impartial."

"There's a psychiatrist a few blocks from here who is the wife of one of your capos. Her name is Eleanor Ricci."

"All right. I'll call her tomorrow. Let me finish this. I'll be up soon."

"Okay. I'm sorry."

"I know."

The next day…

Eleanor Ricci couldn't believe it. In all her years as a psychiatrist, she'd never imagined one of the most feared Mafia bosses would be coming to her for help.

Marital help, no less.

But she knew if there was even a chance she could help, she would.

He husband hadn't told her too much about his business with Michael, and she knew not to ask. To pretend she didn't notice when he came home with blood on him.

Silence was the price she paid for peace.

But now she had been tasked with a job, and she would perform it to the best of her ability.

She noticed the slight tension between Michael and Ariella, and knew this wouldn't be easy. But then, nothing in life ever was.

"Good morning, Mr. and Mrs. Corleone. It's a pleasure to meet you both. Please, make yourselves comfortable."

"Thank you for agreeing to see us on such short notice, Ms. Ricci," Michael said.

"Of course. Can I get either of you anything? And please, call me Eleanor."

"All right. And I'm fine," Michael answered.

"As am I," Ariella chimed in.

"Then let's get started. I assure your complete confidentiality," Eleanor said, giving them a small smile.

"Good."

"What seems to be the trouble?"

"Michael believes I don't trust him," Ariella blurted out, wanting to get that over with.

"Okay, let's start from the beginning. How long have the two of you been married?"

"A little over a year, but we've been best friends all our lives," Michael replied. "For a few years, she was also my assistant."

"I see. So there's a conflict of interest as well as a power imbalance. What prompted the marriage?"

"It was a business deal."

"So a marriage of convenience?"

"Yes."

"Whose idea was it?"

"Mine," Ariella answered. "But I was also in love with him."

"It was one-sided on her part," Michael interjected, seeing the puzzled look on Eleanor's face.

"Is it still one-sided?" Eleanor inquired.

"No. I fell in love with her shortly before we got married."

"So what happened? Why the lack of trust?"

Ariella sighed, not wanting to answer, but Michael placed his hand over hers.

"Tell her."

Ariella steeled her resolve, then said, "I was raped. By some men who worked for his father. It started when I was ten, and ended when I was thirteen."

Eleanor was shocked to her core.

"I'm sorry to hear that. Is that why you feel you can't trust your husband?"

"No. It's because he told my sister that I'd been raped, and I hadn't told her beforehand."

"And you told me you forgave me for doing so, but now I know you didn't actually mean it," Michael said curtly.

Eleanor listened in rapt fascination. There were a lot of underlying issues to deal with.

Before things could get out of hand, she stopped it.

"All right, let's talk about that. Ariella, is there a reason you didn't truly forgive Michael for what he did?"

Ariella nodded.

"I think I was angry at the fact that I had spent most of my life keeping his secrets, knowing how important it was, and it felt like he couldn't do the same for me."

"Why didn't you tell me that?" Michael asked her.

"I was too upset."

Eleanor turned to Michael.

"Do you trust Ariella?"

"I did. Now I'm not so sure."

"Because you don't know if she's being sincere."

"Yes."

"Ariella, do you understand where Michael is coming from? If you say you forgive him but you don't really mean it, how is he supposed to believe anything you tell him afterwards? This lack of trust goes both ways."

Ariella nodded.

"I shouldn't expect him to trust me if I don't trust him."

"Exactly. You have to be open with one another. To be honest, the fact that you don't trust him after spending your whole lives together is pretty surprising."

"She told me she trusted me until I gave her a reason not to. She was also afraid I would hurt her," Michael said.

"Have you hurt her before?" Eleanor asked.

"No, and I would never do so."

"But I've watched him hurt others," Ariella said.

"Others? Like who?" Eleanor asked curiously.

"His previous wife."

"You're talking about Kay Adams?" Eleanor clarified.

"Yes."

"What happened?"

Michael replied, "I banished after I found out she killed my unborn son."

"And why would that scare you, Ariella?" Eleanor asked.

"I can't have children. I thought that since that seemed to be the most important part of the business, Michael wouldn't want me anymore."

Michael stared at his wife in shock.

He turned to Eleanor. "Would you mind giving us a minute?"

The psychiatrist nodded. "Sure."

Once she was gone, Michael asked, "Don't you know how much I love you, Ariella? You're one of the few people I show my true emotions to. Don't you know how rare that is for me?"

"I know. It's not that I don't get that, I do, but…"

"But what? Tell me. I'm not going to judge you."

"I'm scared."

"Scared? Of me?"

"No. I'm scared of myself. I'm scared you'll leave me for someone more stable. I'm scared I won't be enough for you. I want to help you deal with all that you've been through, but I'm worried I'm not strong enough. I've seen you deal with so much pain, and it hurts. If I could take all your pain, I would do it in an instant, but I'm afraid it would destroy me."

"That's the most honest you've ever been with me, and I appreciate it. And I'm always going to want you, whether we have children or not. You're the first woman I've been with who didn't want me to change to suit her."

"I would never ask you to do that. Not ever."

"I think we should start over. Our marriage wasn't based on love and commitment, it was a deal. I want us to be together because we love each other. I love you, and I want to be with you for the rest of my life."

"It makes me so happy to hear you say that."

"From now on, you and I are equals. I don't want you to ever feel like I'm trying to control you."

"Thank you. But I don't want you to feel like you have to shut part of yourself off. You're a dominant person, and that's okay with me."

"Ariella, I want you to be open and honest with me about everything. There should be no secrets between us. If something is bothering you, just tell me. I would do anything for you."

"I believe you. I'm sorry for what I said. I do trust you…I just need to learn to trust myself more. I love you so much."

"I love you too."

Eleanor stuck her head inside. "I'm back."

"Come on in. We're finished," Michael told her.

"Did you straighten things out?"

"Yes. We've decided to start fresh."

"Good. I'm glad to see you're making an effort to work things out. Too many marriages these days end in divorce."

"Believe me, I know."

Eleanor looked at Ariella. "I would like to talk to you about what happened to you, if you're willing."

Ariella nodded. "I think it's time I put my rape behind me."

"Sounds like a plan. Unfortunately, I do have another appointment in half an hour, so would you like to meet next week, same time?"

"Yes."

"Good. I'll see you both next week."

"Of course. Thank you for all your help, Eleanor."

"You are more than welcome."

When Michael and Ariella arrived home, Michael said, "Let's go for a walk."

"All right."

They walked around the compound, lost in their own thoughts.

Then Michael turned to his wife.

"I wanted to ask your opinion on something."

"What is it?"

"You know for the past few years I've been trying to be legitimate."

"Yes."

"I think now is a good time to finally figure things out. What do you think?"

"As long as you have a solid plan, everything should be fine. But knowing you, I'm sure you already do."

"I have a few ideas."

"Well, you have my full support no matter what you decide."

"Thank you."

"Sure."

"What did you think of Eleanor?"

"She made some good points. I think talking about my past is a good start."

"I agree."

"You know," Ariella said thoughtfully, "she might want you to open up as well."

"I know, but I'm not ready for that."

"And that's all right. I'm here for you."

"I know."

Ariella sighed. "I'm really sorry, my love. You should be able to trust me just as I should be able to trust you. You shouldn't be second guessing me."

"No, I shouldn't," her husband replied shortly.

"How can I make it up to you?"

"Just mean what you say, that's all. Like you did before all this. Can you do that?"

"Yes. I promise."

Michael gently pulled Ariella to him.

"You mean everything to me, darling. I love you. More than you will ever know. I'm sorry for saying that what you feel for me is obsession. I was wrong, and I apologize."

"You're forgiven. And I mean that wholeheartedly. I love you too. I just wish…"

"What?"

"I just…I always wanted to have your children. I wish things were different."

"I know, sweetheart. I know. But you have to believe that I'm not going anywhere. I love you too much to hurt you like that. The business is just that…business. You're far more important to me. I would give up everything I have for you."

He kissed her gently, his hands moving to cup her face.

"I'm yours, Ariella. Always."

His wife gave him one of her rare smiles.

"And I'm yours. Like I always wanted to be."

Their lives had never been easy, but together, they knew they could face anything.