Letters from a Lost Love

Chapter 8: A Dream is a Wish Your Heart Makes

Three weeks later...

Ariella rolled over in bed, watching her husband as he read. She was so happy they had decided to start over.

They had explored each other again in all ways. Michael had decided they needed to set aside a day each week just to talk about whatever was on their minds. It had helped clarify things and had brought them closer together.

Michael had also suggested they redo their wedding night, which Ariella had accepted almost immediately. He had been incredibly gentle and thoughtful, the same way he had been with Apollonia, but even more so. And Ariella had appreciated him even more for it.

For her part, Ariella had allowed Michael to exert more of his dominance over her sexually. He was able to do things with her he had never even considered doing before, not even with Apollonia. Though he made it a point never to hit Ariella, either with his hands or with objects. Even if she asked him to.

He had explained to her that not only had he been raised properly, he also knew that even if she trusted him with her life, the reminders of her rape were always with her. However, she had brought up an excellent point: she

wanted him to hit her during sex (only with his hand though) so she could associate it with him, since she knew he would never hurt her. It had taken him some time to get around to the idea, but eventually he agreed.

Ariella watched her husband as he read, admiring the focused expression on his face. He was so handsome it made her heart race. She wanted to reach out and touch him, but didn't want to disturb him.

He turned to see her staring at him unabashedly.

"What?"

She blushed lightly.

"Nothing. I was just admiring you."

Michael quickly memorized the page he was on, placing the book on the night stand.

He turned back to Ariella.

"You were, were you? Well, we can do something about that."

"Actually..."

"Yes?"

"I wanted to get lost in your eyes for a while."

"Of course. Whatever makes you happy, my angel."

Ariella sat up fully, her eyes never leaving Michael's. She reached out to run her hands along the edge of his wrist, feeling his pulse thrum strongly against her palm.

"It always amazes me that you want me so much," she whispered.

"Why?"

"Because I never dreamed you would ever be in love with me."

Michael gave her a soft smile, placing his hand atop hers.

"Well, I am."

He looked at her as if he wanted to say something, but then thought better of it.

However, he'd forgotten how perceptive his wife could be.

"What is it, Michael?"

"I have a confession to make."

"Go ahead."

He looked down for a minute, trying and failing to hide his blush.

Ariella gently lifted his chin.

"Why are you blushing?"

"Because...because I think I've always been in love with you, Ariella."

His wife was floored.

"What?"

Out of all the things he could have said, that was not what she had been expecting.

"It's hard to believe, but it's true. I think I never wanted to believe it before. I was so afraid of getting hurt. Not that you would hurt me, but after everything, it became harder and harder to trust people. You were always there for me, and you never once judged me for my mistakes. Loving you was easy, like it should be."

"What about Apollonia?"

"I love her. I always have and I always will. But she didn't know the truth about me, the real truth only you and my family could see. You once said you could see darkness in me. I didn't know what you meant then, but I do now."

"I wasn't trying to offend you."

"You didn't offend me. I just didn't see myself clearly. How did you? Was it because of the rape? Or was it something else?"

"Something else."

"What?"

"I'm not exactly sure. I think...I think I've always been sort of attuned to you. I get these...flashes of insight around you. I can't really explain it."

"Like how you knew that Tom had allowed Kay to get an abortion. And that she seduced him in order to do so."

"Yes."

"Or how you knew about Roth's true motives."

"Exactly."

Suddenly, Ariella had another one of those flashes of insight.

She looked at Michael intently, noticing the darkness swirling inside him, an opaque blackness that was threatening to overtake him.

But there was a pinprick of light, so minuscule, yet still burning steadily.

I knew it, she thought, her mind whirling with possibilities. I knew Michael was never truly evil. Misguided, yes. Evil, not a chance.

She wondered what her own soul looked like. Considering all she had done, it was probably completely black.

A voice shook her out of her reverie.

Do not give in to despair and doubt, Ariella. Your soul is not in jeopardy. Have you committed terrible sins? Yes. But you have proven that you are capable of love without condition, love without limits. You love Michael Corleone for who he really is, not who everyone else thinks he should be. That has redeemed you enough to be able to complete the task I have in store for you.

"What task? Who are you?"

"Ariella, are you all right? Who are you talking to?"

Ariella blinked, realizing Michael was staring at her in puzzlement.

She shook her head.

"I'm fine. I just...I saw something inside you that surprised me."

"Ah, you were having a vision again. What did you see?"

"Light. Not a lot of light, but it was there."

"You're sure?"

"Yes. It means you're not evil. Not at all. You can stop thinking of yourself that way. I know it'll take some time, but I'm here for you."

"I know. Who were you talking to?"

"I heard a man's voice. It wasn't a voice I knew."

But you know me, my daughter. You always have.

"I think...I think it's my father."

"Really?"

"I'm not lying."

"I didn't accuse you, my love."

Michael held his wife against his body, feeling such a rush of love for the woman in his arms. She had rescued him from loneliness and despair.

He leaned down to kiss her, his hands gently threading through her hair.

Her lips tasted like sweet wine mixed with strawberries. It made his head spin. He couldn't get enough of her. He kissed her passionately, nearly moaning aloud at the sensations she conjured in him.

Suddenly, he could feel something shift inside him.

For a minute, it was like he could see everything Ariella saw, so clearly.

He gripped her arms to steady himself, looking deeply into her eyes as he did so.

He could feel the darkness rise up inside him, but in the next instant, it had been stamped down.

He looked at his wife questioningly.

"Did you..."

"I think so. I'm not sure how I did that. I'm not even sure I did that."

Michael began to feel a little light-headed.

"What's happening to me?" he asked, his voice raspy.

Ariella took the glass of water from the night table and quickly pressed it to his lips.

He drank gratefully.

"Maybe we should walk a bit," Ariella suggested.

Michael nodded, then slowly got up.

"Should I call Neri?"

"No, just give me a minute."

When he was sure he would be all right, he took a turn about the room, Ariella steadying him to make sure he didn't fall.

"Are you all right now?" she asked gently.

"Yes. I'm going to get a snack."

"I think there's some chocolate cake left over from the party."

His eyes lit up, and Ariella giggled.

"What's so funny?"

"You're the cutest, you know that? I've never seen anyone get that excited over cake before."

"Are you trying to ruin my reputation?" Michael asked, his eyes twinkling.

"No..."

"And how is that supposed to convince me?"

"I haven't figured that out yet."

"I could always punish you..."

"And just what would the punishment be?"

"You feeding me cake."

"Not quite the punishment I had in mind...but it's a start."

"Well, what did you want me to do?"

"I don't know if I should say..."

"You know you can tell me anything."

"Well, I kind of saw your memories. Some of them, at least. Like the one in Cuba when you gave Fredo the kiss of death."

Michael was astounded.

"You want me to do that to you?"

"Well, no, not exactly. But I've never seen you kiss anyone with that much pent-up passion and anger. Not even me, and we've had some pretty passionate kisses."

Michael sighed.

"If that's what you want, I won't deny you. Just relax. I won't hurt you. Do you trust me?"

"Completely."

"Good."

Ariella watched as Michael's expression changed from one of joviality to anger. Even though she knew the anger wasn't directed at her, it still sent shivers down her spine.

She was captivated by his dark eyes, so full of emotion. The eyes truly were the windows of the soul, and Michael's eyes spoke volumes.

"If you want me to stop, you know the safe word, right?"

"Yes. Orange."

"Perfect."

Before Ariella could say or do anything, Michael had wrapped his arms around her neck, kissing her with such fervor, it made her weak in the knees.

It was over far too soon.

"Is that what you wanted?" Michael asked.

Ariella nodded, trying to figure out what had just happened.

She gave her husband an odd look, trying to decipher his emotional state.

"What's the matter?"

"How do you do that?"

"Do what?"

"That. Switch emotions so quickly."

"I'm not insane, if that's what you're implying. I just…I'm so used to locking my emotions away, I guess it's become a habit. Does that scare you?"

"A little. It shouldn't. Not after everything."

"You're allowed to be scared, Ariella. It's all right."

"You're an enigma. A fascinating one. I feel like I want to get inside your head, see what really makes you tick."

"Ariella, you know more about me than anyone, and you still find me intriguing? I'm flattered."

"I do, and not just sexually. If I wanted to know more about you, I mean really know more, would you let me in?"

"That depends."

"On what?"

"Whether you would grant me the same courtesy."

"Without question."

"Then we have a deal. Let's get some cake and then you can ask me anything your heart desires. I'll try to be as honest as I can."

Fifteen minutes later, they were enjoying the cake. Or, rather, they were enjoying licking the cake off each other's fingers.

Ariella sucked Michael's fingers into her mouth slowly, suppressing a moan. His eyes gleamed with desire.

Then he pulled her to him quickly, his tongue licking her lips, tasting her.

He bit down on her bottom lip and she granted him access, enjoying the sinfully delicious taste of him.

"Ariella…"

"Hmm?"

"If you could get pregnant, would you rather have a boy or a girl?"

"A boy. They're infinitely more challenging. But I would just be happy to have your children."

She squeezed Michael's hand gently.

"I love you forever. Never forget that. I'm not going to hurt you like that. I'm sorry if I hurt you in the past."

"You've already been forgiven, my love. And I know you wouldn't do that to me."

"Never. Even though I can't, can we still…"

"Of course, sweetheart. Whatever you need."

Once they were satiated, Michael invited Ariella to talk in the study.

"You wanted to know more about me. Ask."

Ariella thought for a second, then said, "I always wanted to know why you were so addicted to power. Is it just power for power's sake or is there a bigger reason?"

"I never really thought about it, to be quite honest. I think part of it is the fact that this was just handed to me and I felt like I needed to do everything I could to keep it. Once I got into it, it was hard to get out. And I didn't have the support I needed."

"If you could walk away now, would you?"

"If no one came after me. But I can't take that chance. I'm so tired, Ariella. I'm tired of plotting and trying to stay one step ahead of everyone just to survive. I mean, I killed my own brother because he tried to kill me. I keep trying to figure out why he did it. It's not as simple as stupidity or that he wanted something of his own. There's something else. And then there's Kay. I know I wasn't the best husband, but the fact that she took my son from me…the fact that Tom allowed it…I can't understand why everyone close to me wants me to suffer so much. I understand it in terms of business and practicality: the other families want to take over the world, you don't need to be a genius to figure it out, but my brothers? My ex-wife? Even my own sister told me she did things to hurt herself so I'd know she could hurt me. And then…the idea of destiny, the idea that I'd tried to run from this as fast as I could, but fell into it anyway, it makes me sick to know that there was really nothing I could do to prevent it. And I'm going to suffer even more for my choices."

Ariella had never seen Michael terrified, not one day in her life, but now…now he looked like he was going to break apart completely.

"Michael, darling, you look completely drained. Come here."

"Can you…can you get Neri first? I need both of you here."

Ariella went to find Neri.

He was outside patrolling the grounds.

When he saw the look on her face, he nodded.

"It's Michael, isn't it?"

"Yes. I'm scared for him."

"Don't worry. Let me handle this."

When they returned to the office, Michael looked completely composed, almost too calm.

Neri locked the door and went to stand before Michael.

"You wanted to see me?"

"Yes. Ariella, can you give us a minute, please?"

Ariella nodded and went in the kitchen to make some tea.

In the study, Michael looked at Neri, his eyes assessing.

"If I asked you to give me a massage, would you do it?"

"Would it help?"

"Very much."

Michael took off his jacket and loosened his tie.

Neri placed his hands on Michael's shoulders, feeling the tension along his collarbone.

He spoke softly to his boss, trying to put him at ease.

"Just focus on the sound of my voice, Michael. Can you do that?"

"Yes."

"Don't think about anything else."

Neri continued talking, his hands moving to massage Michael's neck.

Michael closed his eyes, feeling a slow lassitude flow through his body.

He breathed in deeply, trying to calm his racing heart.

Neri's hands were working their magic, but Michael began to feel antsy.

His body was completely relaxed, but every nerve inside him was on fire.

Neri sensed there was something wrong, and stepped away, giving Michael much needed space.

Ariella walked in with tea for all of them.

Her eyes fell on Michael, who was staring at her with such a burning intensity, it made her want to jump out of her skin. She had never seen that look in his eyes before. At least, not directed at her.

When she set down the tea, she saw her.

A woman was standing next to Michael, her dark eyes shining.

Ariella knew who it was instantly.

Apollonia. What's going on? Why can I see her? Does Michael know she's here?

Apollonia's spirit, for that's what it was, disappeared.

A wave of peace tinged with sadness settled over the room.

Ariella looked between Neri and Michael, wondering if they had seen Apollonia as well.

They didn't look as if they had, but they had definitely felt her presence.

Especially Michael.

Ariella decided to give her husband some privacy, but he waved her forward.

"Stay. Neri..."

"Sure thing, Mikey."

Ariella watched as Neri continued to massage her husband's neck and shoulders.

She had to admit he was quite good at that, and wondered if he'd done it for Michael before.

Probably, she mused. They are extremely close after all. And Michael trusts him more than anyone.

Her eyes strayed to Neri's hands, and she wondered how such a cold-blooded assassin could be so gentle.

Why is that such a surprise? Isn't Michael one of the most gentle men you've ever known?

Ariella shook her head, trying to clear it. There was definitely something strange about tonight. She could feel it.

I'm tired, that's all that is. I just need to sleep and I'll be okay.

But she couldn't help but think there was more to tonight than any of them realized.

She would be proven right nine months later, but by then, it would be too late.