Hi there. Chapter of the week is coming for you. Thank you for all the sweet comments on last chapter. This one is a pretty long one (well, for someone who doesn't write very long chapters at least), so I hope you'll like it. Please tell me what you think and how you think it will turn out after this new chapter.
See you soon for the next one!

CHAPTER 9 - Forgiving

"Can we talk?"

-Aaron

"If you're going to lash out at me again, no thank you…"

-Emily

"Actually no, I want to apologize. And also, I don't know if Kirkman told you yet, but I'm back at the White House. So, I'd like for us to settle things a little. We're going to work together again..."

-Aaron

Emily sighed when she read Aaron's latest text. Deep inside, she knew it would come. Of course it would. She had learned a couple of days ago that he would be back at the White House soon, and she couldn't say she was thrilled about it. 'Fuck' she thought. 'What am I gonna do now?' She really didn't know how she could be working with the father of her baby. He was hating her, which she could understand since she had waited almost six months to announce him he was going to be a father, and she hated him, which he could understand, since he had insulted her in an angry drunk voicemail. She thought about it for a while, fidgeting with her phone and sitting on the couch of her living room, a pillow in her back and her feet propped up on the coffee table to relieve her from the pain in her legs. Being almost seven months pregnant and running everywhere in the White House wasn't a walk in the park. Being almost seven months pregnant and fighting with the father of her baby wasn't either. He was right though, they needed to settle things, they needed to talk and finally think of a way to ease tensions. Plus, he seemed more than willing to have a role in this baby's life, which meant that they needed to discuss everything at some point or another. She wasn't really sure how everything would work out, but they had to work things out. Thinking longly, she finally replied.

Gemma's out. She won't be home before a while. Do you want to come over?

-Emily

The problem with Emily's offer was that Aaron really felt trapped. He had hoped to see Emily in a neutral environment, and definitely not in a place where he could be ambushed by the fury bulldog —as he called Gemma— any time. Truth be told, Gemma's scene a few days back had scared him a little. He was afraid of her temper, and he really didn't feel comfortable being in a place where she could come in anytime. He considered his options for a while before actually answering. Biting his lip and tapping his foot on the floor, pacing in his apartment, he realized soon enough though that he should probably not push his luck too much.

Ok. Text me the address, I'll be there in a few.

-Aaron

He sighed very loudly more than once before actually deciding to go out. His heart was pounding, he suddenly wasn't sure it was such a good idea anymore. Going through so many emotions in such a short time was really hard for him. In less than a week, he had lost his job, found a new one, and was now trying to make amend with his colleague-again, the mother of his child, his former lover, the person who had betrayed him, or whatever else they were.

Emily wasn't living very far from his place. With or without wanting to, she had even gotten closer to his place when she had moved in a new apartment with Gemma. Only a five-minute drive from his, it was very easy to access and way too soon, Aaron was founding himself knocking on Emily's door. His heart was pounding as he was waiting for Emily to answer. He didn't really know how to behave and was digging his nails in the palms on his hands, his heart was beating fast, he was stressed to see her again.

"Hey…" she said, opening the door and letting him come in.

Emily could see the hesitation in Aaron's moves. He was biting his lower lip like he often did when he didn't know how to act. She couldn't say she was very comfortable either though. She had not seen him since she had told him that he was the father of her unborn child and her heart was pounding, not really of what she expect from his visit.

"Don't worry, she's not here. I'm not trying to ambush you…" Emily chuckled to hide her own nervousness.

"No that's… huh…" Aaron stammered, embarrassed.

"Come in…"

"Thanks."

Aaron observed his environment as he was walking in her apartment for the first time. The dim light of the room was giving a cosy atmosphere, but he wasn't really comfortable with it. It was almost too cosy, too intimate. He really didn't know how to behave. He was clumsy with his moves, he didn't know where to stand or what to do.

"Can I get you anything?" Emily asked, trying to break the uncomfortable silence.

"No, thank you…"

"Come on, sit. I'm not going to make you pay for that…" she chuckled, inviting him to sit on the couch in the living room.

Taking his coat off and putting it on the back of the couch, Aaron did as told and sat near Emily. Not too close, but not too far either. Out of reach if ever she wanted to punch him, but in reach in case she needed him. They tried to make small talk before they could get to the heart of it, but it didn't feel natural, neither he nor she felt comfortable. If Emily could have liquid courage, she would already be drunk. As for Aaron, he regretted not having drunk before coming and couldn't take this tension anymore. He sighed and finally decided to broach the subject.

"I'm sorry… I don't even remember what I said, but I know I shouldn't have drunk called you. It was very stupid of me and I regret it" he finally said.

"You shouldn't have, but I shouldn't have hidden my pregnancy from you either… What I did is much worse, I know it" she admitted.

He nodded, smiling weakly at Emily. That was said, they were both sorry for their mistakes. It didn't mean everything was fine, but at least they had admitted what they had both done was wrong.

"Despite everything, I want to be involved in this baby's life. Even if it's complicated between us…" he told her after a pause.

"I ruined everything, didn't I?" Emily asked.

"You probably made yourself a wrong idea of what I was thinking… After you investigated me."

"I just couldn't look at you in the eyes, knowing that I had betrayed your trust and that I had investigated you... Even though I knew deep inside that you couldn't be a part of this. I knew you couldn't and I still hate myself everyday for not telling you, not trusting you."

"It's not as if you really had a choice. You couldn't tell me…" he admitted. "To be honest, it took me a while before I could take things into consideration, before I could actually think about it differently."

Emily didn't answer straight away. She wasn't really sure how to handle this conversation. The fact that they were sitting on the same couch, only a few inches from each other, wasn't really helping either. She didn't know what she was feeling, between hate, anxiousness, fear, but also relief and need for comfort now that she had told him the truth. She was feeling better since he knew about the baby, and she could almost consider herself fine with Aaron back at the White House, even though she knew it would be really complicated.

"What… made you change your mind?" she asked.

"I realized that you just did your job. And that I couldn't hate you for that."

Emily nodded.

"You know, I really want to be a part of this baby's life. I know it's probably a little odd for you, because you obviously had not planned this at all, otherwise I guess you would have told me. But I really hope you'll let me be a part of this. I want to be there for the baby."

'And you.' Well, that was what Aaron wanted to say, and that was what Emily had hoped Aaron would say. But that part of the sentence never came out of Aaron's mouth. He was in no way ready to say it. He wasn't even sure he would be one day. It was Emily he was talking to, and deep inside he knew he could trust her, but it was just too much to handle for him, and for now, knowing and being part of this baby's life was much more important than trying to figure out what he and Emily were.

"I know I handled everything wrong. But I promise I'll never prevent you from seeing that child, or taking care of it. Actually, it never was my intention… I just never imagined you would want it, not after I investigated you." Emily paused. "Plus, I mean… We're not even in a relationship. I just feel that it's a burden that I'm imposing on you."

"I cannot say that this is how I imagined I would become a father. Far from that to be honest… But I would never leave you alone in this. It takes two to make a baby, I'll be there to take care of it…"

For the first time in months, it felt that they could almost have a normal discussion. They could finally talk together without any weird tension or misunderstanding. It kinda felt like being back to normal, even though to be fair, normal had never really been their thing. It felt like two grown-ups trying to find arrangements to raise a baby together despite the reality of them not being together. And with that sort of new relation building, Aaron finally dared to ask the question he had been asking himself for a long time now, even before he knew he was the father of Emily's baby.

"Emily, can I ask you a question?"

"Yeah, sure."

"Why did you decide to keep the baby? I mean, despite everything, I think I know you a little, and I just cannot think of any good reason why you would want to keep it. It's just not you."

"I should probably have this conversation when I can actually drink and be drunk, because that's just really hard to talk about it… But..."

Emily paused and sighed, trying to find her words. Just the idea of telling her story, telling him everything, was making tears come to her eyes. But she knew she owed him the truth. She knew he should know about everything.

"My dad left when I was seven." she started, digging her nails in her hands. "My mom, she did everything she could for me to have a good life. And my brother, he always thought I was the reason why my dad left. Which, to be honest, is probably true. We are ten years apart, so he spent his whole childhood seeing my parents fighting and seeing their relationship falling apart. He's always hated me for that. Mike left for college when I was 8, and since then, he talks to me only on Christmas day, when my mom forces us to come to Ohio to celebrate with her and my grandparents. My family is just so dysfunctional that I always promised myself that I would have a better family. That I would make my own perfect little loving family. That one day I would have children, a loving husband, and that we would grow old together and have grandchildren. I spent my childhood dreaming about the type of family that you see in Hallmark's movies, you know, the kind of movies in which everything ends well."

Emily paused again. She was trembling, ready to cry. She was already tearful. Aaron could see it and it was breaking his heart. He wanted to hold her in his arms but he wasn't sure how to act with her. The hardest was to come, but Emily knew she couldn't stop now, she should tell him everything.

"And a few years back, I was told that I was infertile and that I would never have children of my own. That broke me so bad, you have no idea how much… I think it's the worst thing ever, for a woman, to know that you will never be able to give birth to a child. All my dreams of this perfect family were suddenly gone, reduced to ashes. So, I guess that when I realized that I was pregnant, no matter the circumstances, I knew I had to keep that baby. I had to try and have this family that I thought I would never have… Even if the father wasn't around. I had to do it on my own."

Emily was suddenly sobbing. She couldn't stop the flow of tears falling down her cheeks. And in that moment, despite everything that had happened between them, Aaron pulled her toward him and took her in his arms. He stroked her back, trying to ease her pain, and let her cry on his shoulder.

Everything was starting to fall into place for Aaron. The reasons why Emily had kept the baby, of course, but also why it was always hard for her to trust a man, and also why she had not told him. She was just trying to be like her mom. She wanted to be a strong independent woman who could raise children on her own. And Aaron couldn't even hate Emily for that. He was lucky enough to have a functional family, parents who loved him, three brothers who didn't hate him, and even a cousin —a sister almost— who would do anything in the world for him.

Before being pulled into a hug, Emily had not realized how much she had missed having strong arms around her, supporting her. Of course, she had Gemma, she had Seth, she had her mother too. But it just wasn't the same. And feeling Aaron's arms around her made her sob even more, as if she finally needed to let it all out, to cry and finally open herself to being vulnerable. The mask she had been wearing for the past 7 months in front of everybody finally fell, and she suddenly hoped she would never have to wear it back again.

It took several minutes before Emily could calm down and pull herself from Aaron's arms. She was exhausted from crying, from working, from the last seven months. She was tired of everything. Sitting up a little on the couch, she felt better now that she had let it all out, but also much more uncomfortable around Aaron. She was vulnerable now, he knew everything. Wiping the tears from her cheeks, she suddenly started feeling the baby moving, bringing a sad smile to her face.

"The baby's kicking. Wanna feel it?" Emily suddenly asked, putting her hand on her belly.

Aaron had not planned this and was taken a little aback. His heart skipped a beat and it took a few seconds before he could react and answer.

"Huh… Yeah…" he said, unsure.

He sat a little closer to Emily but didn't really know how to do this. He didn't know where to put his hand, didn't know how to behave. It was such an intimate thing to do, and still they were not even together, and were just trying to settle things together. Emily saw his hesitation.

"Give me your hand" she offered, extending hers.

Aaron nodded and Emily took Aaron's hand in hers. It felt weird to have their hands intertwined like that. Apart from that hug a few minutes ago, it was probably the first time their skins were touching each other since that night when they had had sex. Emily put Aaron's hand on her belly, right where the baby was kicking.

"Can you feel it?" she asked.

"Yeah… That's…" Aaron answered, smiling softly.

"Weird?" Emily asked, finishing Aaron's sentence.

"Something like that. It doesn't feel real." He told her, nodding.

"I know, I didn't realize what it was at first."

"Do you know, if it's a boy or a girl?" he asked.

"No, I don't. I could, but I didn't want to. I think I want to keep the surprise."

Aaron just nodded.

"Would you? Want to know?" she asked.

"I don't know, I've really thought about it. It's still all pretty new for me."

Aaron saw Emily's smile fade and realized what he had said. Without wanting to, he had rubbed the betrayal in and Emily suddenly felt all the guilt come back to the surface.

"Emily, that's not what I meant. I'm sorry it came out the wrong way. It's okay, I'm coming to terms with this, I really am. I just never really thought about it. Having a baby is just something very abstract to me for now. But it's fine, I promise. It's okay."

Emily nodded softly.

"I'm so sorry" she said.

"I know you are. I am too, for what I said. But it's the past, we'll get through this, for the sake of this baby."

'And us.' Maybe, for both of them, one day.