Chapter 4

Torture

It's the first day of initiation. And they are making us sit in a hallway. Stella was called to enter the room at the end of the hallway first. She's been in there for half an hour now.

Amar had explained that the first part of initiation is emotionally. The second part physically and the last part of training will be mentally.

I understand physically. We have to be able to defend ourselves either by fighting or wielding weapons when on patrol or guarding the fence.

Mentally too I guess. If I have to stab, shoot or kill somebody to protect myself I'll have to be mentally prepared for that. Nobody wants an unstable person wielding a gun in the streets.

But emotionally. I thought Dauntless didn't do 'sappy stuff's like emotions. We're supposed to be brave and headstrong.

I look up when the two Dauntless members standing guard in front off the door gets called inside the room by Amar. A second later the come back out dragging a sniffling heap of Stella. She's murmuring like a mad woman. Something about giant moths eating her.

Once they disappear around the corner all the initiates turn towards each other contemplating what had happened.

I sit there eyes wide wondering what they could have done to her. As I sit and listen to Olive's theories Amar sticks his head out and calls another initiate.

"Eric, your up."

My eyes jump towards the Erudite boy who had gotten my attention from the moment I fell on him when I jumped on to the train. When he was talking about me (I'm sure of it) to Berthold. So now I knew his name. Eric. It suits him. It's a strong name. He's tall. Well muscled but he doesn't seem like he'll stop growing anytime soon though.

After another 20 minutes or so he comes stumbling out of the room. He looks like he wants to pound someone's face in. Everyone has quieted down by now. Eric rushes past us and down the hall he goes.

One after the other initiate gets called in. All coming out looking either spooked, afraid or horrified. I've been sitting here for 5 hours before Amar comes out and tells us it's time for lunch.

When we get to the mess hall the other initiates who has been in the room are nowhere to be seen. Since it's only me, Tobi, Tula and an Erudite boy named Aaron left we sit together in silence. We don't really feel like talking, too worried about what awaits us in the room.

After lunch we head back. Before I can take my seat though Amar calls me inside. I feel my stomach drop and fear I'm going to be sick and throw up. I quickly swallow the bill rising in my throat when I notice the same dentist looking chair that I had to sit in for the aptitude test.

I look towards Amar asking, "A simulation?"

Amar merely nods and waves his hands towards the chair motioning for me to lay down while fumbling with the computer.

Amar comes to stand by my head and moves my hair to the side and injects something into my neck.

"This is a serum that stimulates the part of your brain called the amygdala. Specifically it'll be stimulating your brain into a simulation where you'll face your fears. Everyone has on average about 10 to 15 fears. The simulation will end when you either overcome your fear it trick the sim I to thinking you overcame your fear my getting you breathing and pulse to normal conditions." Amar explains to me. He then moves to a chair and hooks himself up to the monitor.

He presses a few buttons and fir a few seconds nothing happens. When I look to see if everything is fine Amar is gone.

I get up from the chair and look around. I didn't hear him leave. I go to the door and open it. There's no one. Maybe everyone left while I was under the sim.

I walk through the winding hallways. I make my way to the pit. The dorms. The mess hall. Empty. Everything is empty.

The entire compound has been evacuated. I start to worry. Maybe there was a fire drill or something. I don't smell any smoke nor do I see anything. In any case they wouldn't just leave me there to die would they.

I start running through the halls trying to find a way out. I can't trust these people. I've barely known them for a day. They're not really my friends. I'm nobody to them obviously if they would just abandon me like this.

Why does this always happen to me. First my brother. My only true friend. Then my other so called 'friends'. They all talked dirty about me behind my back. Thinking our family is not peaceful since they all thought he committed suicide. No one even offered to help find him. They just all turned their backs and made their assumptions.

Now this. My new friends. My new faction. They all just left me. Alone. Alone in this compound.

I've Bern running for what feels like hours eventually I just can't. I can't do this anymore. I reach the pit again.

I sag to the ground. I'm lying on the floor crying like the pathetic child I am. I don't understand what I did wrong. Why they would just forget me here.

I sit in the center of the pit. After a while I try to calm down to think rationally. I close my eyes and take slow deep breaths. First off I need to find a way out. Once I open my eyes again I'm back in the simulation room. I frown looking around. I see Amar sitting in the stool.

I get up from the chair hastily and almost keel over. Amar helps me stay upright as he tells me to calm down.

"It was merely a simulation. Your first fear seems to be abandonment. In the sim you calmed yourself to think clearly but the sim thought that since you're calmer you overcame that fear. That's why the sim stopped." He explains to me in a soft tone.

He moves to let go of my arm as he checks the monitor.

"You were in there for 36 minutes. That's a very long time to be in there. But that's why we're doing this so you'll get used to this and over time you're time will improve."

I barely listen as Amar speaks to me. I'm still shaken up about my sim. I never realized that I even have abandonment issues. I'm soon shown to the door where I make my way past the remaining initiates. When I get to the dorm I can see everyone is grouped up. Some trying (but failing) to sleep it off, others crying (Stella) and most of them seems to just sit there in a daze.

Olive is sitting with Stella on her bed. I get on mine and lie down facing them. They both give me strained smiles.

"What was yours?" asks Stella softly as not to disturb the other initiates.

"Abandonment apparently." I answer her. "Yours?"

Stella gets a far off look before answering me, "Giant moths." I want to think she's joking but her face is dead serious and I'm actually afraid of what's happening in her mind right now.

I look expectantly towards Olive. "Bleeding to death out of all my orifices." I give her a Disturbed look. She looks away abashed hurriedly explaining her fear, "I had some awful nosebleeds when I was younger. Sometimes my nose won't stop bleeding and I actually passed out once from all the blood loss."

After that we continue talking. Eventually Tula joins us. Her fear was drowning.

That night I couldn't sleep. With the thoughts of my fears and the upcoming sims and everybody tossing and turning around me it was practically impossible to get myself to sleep.

Eventually I got up and wandered around for a bit. I eventually came to what looked like a gigantic training room. It had a full sized track, obstacle course, fighting rings, gym equipment for at least 50 people and more. Movement caught my eye.

I moved forwards to see who it was. Running the track was Eric he started running slower when he was approaching me.

"You gonna stand and stare like a weirdo or are you gonna join me?" he asks with lift of his eyebrow.

Nodding, even though he has passed me by now I fall in behind him. Our boots tapping out a rhythm between our huffing breaths (mine mostly).

And so the entire month went. We'd be tortured by our fears during the day, at night I'll run, and sometimes I'll do something else like weights or give the punching bag a go to warm up for my midnight running sessions with Eric. We never talked except for when he made fun of me trying to punch the bags and him of handedly correcting my stances and techniques.

Turns out my fears are as follows.

Abandonment

Ending up Factionless

Centipede invading my body

Kidnapped

Public humiliation

Struck by Lightning

Chickens

Being buried alive

Spiders

Losing someone close to me

Killing my family

11 Fears. Amar says that's a totally normal amount of fears. For me it was quite the eye opener.

For one I didn't know I was such a big wuss. Secondly Tobi got a new nickname. Four. Amar started calling him that after the second week as it turns out he only has 4 fears.

Imagine only having 4 fears. At least my time has improved. It only takes me on average 20 minutes to get over my fear. Depends which ones though. Like if I'm being buried alive it takes me 8 minutes to calm down. Whereas I shoot my 4 year old brother and me freaking out like a lunatic takes me up to 25 minutes to calm down.

I can't say I'm not completely hating initiation though. I even got a tattoos. A lotus flower on my hip. The lotus flower has always been my favorite. But I still put it somewhere easy to hide. I think getting flowery tattoos is a bit too Amity but I really wanted it.

I got another one just yesterday. A detailed dreamcatcher in my back. It begins at my hairline and goes down just past my shoulder blades. It was hella painful but worth it.

But tonight was no different than any other. I had my fear sim. Hung out with Olive and Tula afterwards faked going to bed only to lie in wait for midnight. Eric didn't even bother faking going to bed he'd be here between supper and everybody going to bed then he'd just disappear. Sometimes I saw Four leave as well but that's because he made friends with some of the Dauntless born, Shauna and Zeke.

I made my way towards the training room. I was dressed in my sleeping shorts and my purple tank top with my combat boots, I thought being underground and all would stave off the summer heat, boy was I wrong.

I stepped into the training room my eyes automatically searching for Eric. We've become sort of friends. Only in private though. When others were around he wouldn't even look my way. He also hung out with Berthold all the time. I hate Berthold and his rat that he thinks of as a friend.

I finally notice him standing in one of the fighting rings. I make me way over. As I come to stand next to the ring he motions me forward. I stepped in the ring doing as told.

"Take off your shoes and wrap this around your hands and wrists." He says while handing me a roll of white tape.

My stomach flutters knowing what's to come. We've never sparred before. I'm kind of worried he'll beat me in a pulp but I can't back out now. Quietly I bend down taking off my boots and putting them to the side I start wrapping my hand but I honestly have no idea what I'm doing. Eric notices that I'm doing it wrong, sighs, and takes over wrapping my hands.

He takes my hand and a shiver runs up my spine. I don't know when this silly crush started but I'm not happy with it. It's distracting. I can't help but notice him all the time. What he's doing. Who he's with. Where he is.

My stomach always flutters when he gets close enough that I can smell him. His touch always a shiver that shoots through me. And when looks at me I can feel my cheeks going aflame. I hate it when I blush. Red face plus red hair is not a good combination.

When he's done wrapping my hands he steps back and takes on a fighting stance. Without hesitation I do the same. He makes the first move jabbing me where I forget to keep covered and protected.

I hit back but almost none of the land and the few times they do he just shrugs it of as if I'm an annoying mosquito bothering him. We go back and forth working up to more difficult maneuvers. After maybe an hour of this and my hands and wrists are screaming at me. My shins are purple and blue from my kicks. Yet Eric looks like he hasn't even warmed up yet.

To be honest he looks a little bored. So without thinking (I should really stop doing the whole no thinking things through thing) I lunge and try to get him into a choke lock. It almost worked but the next thing I know I'm thrown over his shoulder. My back meeting the mat with a loud smack.

The combination of having the wind knocked out of me and my fresh tattoo taking such a hit leaves me gasping. Above me o see Eric crouched over my head with a smirk.

"Well that wasn't half bad. You almost had me there." He says. Then he frowns upon realizing I'm not answering him instead I'm still gasping for air. "You ok?" he asks sounding slightly worried.

I nod whilst trying to sit up. He helps me and starts to rub my back, I hiss and pull away feeling as if fire was licking at my back.

Eric frowns, "Should I take you to the infirmary?"

"No" I shake my head, "It's just my tattoo." I explain through labored breaths.

His eyes light up and before I can even say anything he's lifting my shirt up exposing my back to his eyes. I quickly grab the front to at least keep a bit of decency. I can feel my blush traveling up my neck to my ears. Jeez. Overreacting much.

I jump as I feel his finger on my shoulder blade. Not touching the tattoo at least but my entire body decides to go full on goosebumps.

Not long after he let's my shirt drop, he pulls on his boots and moves towards the track starting at a jog. Fumbling I pull on my boots as well starting on my own jog at a much slower pace. My mind going a mile a minute yet going nowhere.

TBC