AUTHORS NOTE: Drabble from way back in chapter 8; The Hurt One Man Can Cause.
I figured I only gave you a small portion of the conversation between Asuma and Shikamaru, and I kind of felt like writing the whole thing from Asuma's perspective. Most likely prompting all of you to hate the guy even more, but… This was way back when, please remember that ;)

I will take request for side notes throughout the main story, if there's s moment you feel like you've missed, let me know in either the reviews of by dropping me a note. I make no promises, but I'll consider every prompt ^.^

XOXOX

Side notes to
Hidden Feelings, Hidden Lives

XOXOX

Addition to Chapter 8; The Hurt On Man Can Cause
Drabble title: The Conversation That Made Me Sick To My Stomach

XOXOX

Asuma shivered as the front door closed behind the boy, this had been one of the most awkward conversations the man had ever had. He lit another cigarette, his mind drifting back to the words that were spoken in this exact room mere minutes ago.

XOXOX

"Asuma, why did you call me here?"

"I just wanted to see that you were safe, is that so weird? You're my student, Shikamaru, I care about you. Don't you care about me too?"

The boy flushed, "I… I do. Of course I do."

"See," The bearded jounin sat back a little, taking a drag from his cigarette, "That's why you're here. When you care about someone, you want to let them know you're home safe."

"I'm safe…"

"I can see that," He smiled, "So, how did the mission go? Kakashi give you a hard time?"

"No… No, not at all, why would you even think that?" The boy had an incredulous look on his face as he stared at the older man.

"Kakashi can be tough to deal with, is all. Don't get your panties in a twist over it… I mean, the guy hardly even speaks…"

"We spoke a lot, though…"

"Oh?" He raised his eyebrows in surprise, "About what?"

"Just… Stuff, I guess…"

Asuma was getting curious now. Leaning over, he placed his arms on his knees, studying the Nara's face. Suddenly, he burst out laughing, falling back against his worn-out couch, pointing at his old student, "You're blushing, kid!"

"So…?!" A small frown appeared, but it didn't deter Asuma at all.

"What did the pervert have to say, then? He corrupt you already?" Still chuckling, he gave the boy a once-over.

"No… I'm not corrupted… I just… We talked, okay. Fuck off…"

Something in his tone worried the older man, quickly calming down, he looked at his young charge once more, "Shikamaru, is something wrong?"

"No…"

"You can talk to me about it, you know."

"No…"

"Is that what you and Kakashi talked about?"

"Yes…"

"Then why can't you tell me? We're friends right?"

"Yeah…"

"Then why not, Shikamaru? Certainly we're a lot closer than you and Kakashi…"

"No…"

The jounin blinked, this was news to him, "Why are you so close with Kakashi anyway, Shikamaru?"

"He gets me… He understands what it is I can't tell you…"

"You can tell me anything, Shikamaru, you know that."

"I can't tell you this."

"Oh come on, you tell me whatever it is that you say you can't tell me and I'll prove it to you," He dared.

"Fine," The boy huffed, "I can't tell you that I'm in love with you."

Asuma froze, then took a drag from his smoke. Deliberately keeping his tone soft and calm he replied, "Okay… That was fun, now why don't you start telling me the truth…"

"That is the truth, Asuma! I'm in love with you, have been for a long time, and I never told you because I knew you'd react like this…"

Again, Asuma tried his best to stay calm, to not let his emotions show. He took another drag, frowning as he noticed the cigarette was all but gone. Lighting another, he took a deep drag, steadying himself.

"Shikamaru… That's disgusting. You didn't really think I was going to go along with that, did you?"

"Of course not," It was a mere whisper, the boys gaze fixed on the coffee table.

"Did you consider the fact that I'm a straight man, Shikamaru? That what you're thinking about is wrong?"

"It's not like I wanna think about that… I never planned to fall for a guy…" He muttered.

"Right… It happens…" And hopefully you'll grow out of it…

"Asuma, I'm sorry."

"It's okay, kid. I mean, you can't really decide who you're gonna fall in love with I suppose," Asuma stated slowly as he lit another cigarette.

And someday, you'll have gotten past all this disgusting stuff, and we'll laugh about it together. About how young you were back then, and how innocently you confused your feelings for me.

"No…"

Right, it's not his fault after all, he's still a kid. He has the right to make mistakes, to learn from those.
But… This is going too far, now. It's one thing to have an innocent little crush, but this…!

"Shikamaru!" Asuma tried to ban the overwhelming anger out of his voice, but couldn't, "Stop looking at me like that, Goddamnit!"

"Like what?"

Are you fucking kidding me?! Innocent crush my ass, Shikamaru! You disgusting, filthy faggot!

"Like… Like you're trying to undress me with your eyes!" The words were hard to say, the whole thing was so sickening.

Who thehelldoes this kid think he is, anyway?! I'm aguyfor Christ's sake! Why the hell is helookingat me like that?!

"I wasn't-"

"Spare me your excuses, Shikamaru Nara! Just – just get the hell out!"

That's right! Get away from me, you freak!

He watched as the boy got up. Shikamaru walked over to the door, glancing over his shoulder once more before his hand gripped the door handle.

Asuma simply stared him down, this was too revolting, too nauseating for him. The bearded man could barely breathe.

The boy left, and Asuma sighed.

This can't be happening. Shikamaru… He's like a little brother!
I feel sick…