Ain't I Just Despicable?
Disclaimer: I do not own Despicable Me or any characters from the other franchises referenced in this story. Despicable Me belongs to Universal Studios and Illumination Entertainment.
Chapter 2: Panic at the Pyramids
"There's outrage in Egypt tonight, as it has been discovered that the Great Pyramid of Giza has somehow been stolen; and replaced with a giant inflatable replica!" a TV announcer exclaimed on the newscast. "Good evening from everyone at MSNBC; I'm Chet Ubetcha, and the report on today's events are as follows... as a group of tourists were visiting the Pyramid, the authorities have discovered the theft as a young boy by the name of Justin fell off a scaffolding located on-site before bouncing out of the replica and had been sent flying out of the rubber pyramid."
"My son Justin is very rambunctious, so he is usually kept on a child leash for safety." the boy's mother explained on a piece of interview footage. "While I was taking pictures of my husband at the site, he just slipped away, playing with his plane without me coming to notice; until it was too late, that is. While I'm glad he made it through this all alive, I wonder about why somebody would go through all the trouble to steal a famous landmark like this one."
"Why indeed, my fine madam!" Chet proclaimed. "Right as we speak, countries around the globe are banding together to protect their beloved landmarks, no matter the cost. Currently, there are no leads or suspects confirmed on FBI and CIA radars, much to the dischargin of citizens on a global scale. In closing, this is Chet Ubetcha saying: who is responsible for this heinous crime, and where in the world will he strike next?"
In another part of America, a young man wearing a black sweater and a striped scarf was walking through the streets with a cocky smirk on his face. He stopped for a moment as he had come to notice a little boy crying because his ice cream cone had spilled all over the sidewalk. Silently, the man seemed to sympathize with the boy's plight, motioning for the boy to watch as he pulled a balloon out of his pocket, and blew it up for the child, twisting it into the shape of a puppy dog. The boy's face lit up as he has handed the balloon, squeezing it joyfully. His ecstasy was short-lived as the balloon was abruptly popped by the man, who silently continued on his way.
I'm having a bad, bad day
It's about time that I get my way
Steamrolling whatever I see
Ha, Despicable Me
As the man entered a local coffee shop, he clearly was displeased by the long line right in front of him, as he rooted through his pockets, pulling out a freeze gun and cutting through by trapping the other customers in ice. With a gleeful streak, he picked up his coffee and doughnuts from the cashier at the counter, leaving money in the tip jar without another word.
I'm having a bad, bad day
If you take it personal, that's okay
Watch, this is so fun to see
Uh, Despicable Me
Riding home in a giant metal automobile, the man, who went by the name Sheldon Lee Cooper, arrived back at his house, exiting his vehicle before being interrupted from his train of thought by his neighbor Ethan Mars.
"Morning, Shelly!" Ethan said with a smile. "How are you doing?"
"Fine, Ethan. Although there's two things I hope you realize in the future: first, I prefer not to be called Shelly by anyone except my family, and I saw your dog has been leaving little 'bombs' all over my yard. It irritates me a little." Sheldon explained.
"Sorry, Sheldon. But you know how dogs are: they go wherever they want to." Ethan responded.
"That is, unless they're dead." Sheldon said with a grave level of seriousness in his voice, before both of the two laughed. "Bazinga! I'm joking; although there's some truth to it. Anyhow, I'll be seeing you some other time."
I'm having a bad, bad day
It's about time that I get my way
Steamrolling whatever I see
Ha, Despicable Me
I'm having a bad, bad day
If you take it personal, that's okay
Watch, this is so fun to see
Uh, Despicable Me
"Uh, okay." Ethan said with a nervous uncertain laugh as Sheldon went back inside his house. After closing the door behind him, Sheldon nudged away his mutated pet dog Kyle off his place on the couch, getting ready to eat his breakfast. He was then interrupted once more by the ringing of his front door bell.
"You have got to be puling on my leg!" Sheldon groaned, peeking through the eye hole, seeing three young girls sitting on his doorstep grasping a wagon filled with cookies.
"Cookies for sale!" the eldest of the three girls said.
"Go away; I'm not home!" Sheldon replied in frustration.
"Yes, you are. I just heard you." the girl rebuked.
"No, you didn't. This- is a recording." Sheldon lied, in hopes of driving them away. "Please leave a message. Beep." The middle child of the group then kicked the door, startling Sheldon, as the two walked away, leaving the youngest girl to bid goodbye to the 'recorded message' before joining the other girls.
Next chapter, I'll go into introducing the Minions and Sheldon's evil plan for the world.