Ain't I Just Despicable?
Disclaimer: I do not own Despicable Me or any of the characters or locations in this story.
Chapter 3: Meet the Minions
After driving away his unexpected visitors, Sheldon walked back to help himself to his breakfast, only to find his donuts had been pilfered behind his back. Setting his bag down to look for it, he rose his hand up to find his dog Kyle snatching down hard on it with its teeth.
"Gah!" Sheldon screamed, trying to shake Kyle off when the TV screen behind him flickered to reveal a man looking haggard with messy blonde hair and a half-concealed bottle of whiskey. "Oh, hello there Haymitch. Pleasure seeing you now."
"I know how you must be feeling; disappointed and all. But always remember, you're one of the greatest villains it has ever been my fortune to know." Haymitch answered.
"Could you elaborate, please? Was there something I missed while out on my commute?" Sheldon inquired.
"It's all over the news, Shelly! Someone went out and stole the pyramid! Everyone's saying whoever he is makes all other villains look... er, lame." Haymitch replied in a serious tone of urgency.
"Not if I have anything to do about it." Sheldon said with a tensing buildup of frustration inside of him. "Assemble the Minions at once!"
"Yessir!" Haymitch assured, as Sheldon made his way down into the underground catacombs of his lab. Entering his excellently crafted rhino chair, he hit a switch instantly transforming the seat into his own personal elevator, as he made his downwards descent. On his way down, he passed a small group of oval shaped creatures with short clumps of hair and a few with cyclopean eyeballs. "Minions assemble!" Sheldon called out to one who has about to hammer down a bolt into a walkway.
"Okay! Okay!" the minion chattered as he began to dash off, before returning to bonk his partner on the hand with his mallet. Sliding down a pole, he called out to his brothers in arms (so to speak) to head down for an urgent meeting as his master requested. Soon, every minion in the lab was down in the main gathering room, cheering out for Sheldon as if he was a pop group singer coming onstage.
"Hello everybody!" Sheldon bellowed to his Minions, who returned the greeting with an uproar of admiration. "Ok then, you can simmer down now. I SAID SIMMER DOWN!" The minions' voices then fell silent in obedience. "Thank you. Now, I realize you all may have heard about some other villain who has stolen the pyramids; apparently, everyone assumes it's a big deal. But, am I upset about all this? Absolutely not!" Sheldon announced, to confused glances. "Okay, that was a bit of an embellishment on my part, but nevertheless we've had a rather good year ourselves, and all of you are right in my book."
The minions then cheered once again, as Sheldon explained what the team had accomplished.
"Firstly, we've snagged the Times Square Jumbotron!" Sheldon said, pointing out towards a giant monitor (not unlike where replay footage for sports games is shown). "That's how I roll! But that's not all: we also stole the Statue of Liberty! Unfortunately, it was the miniature one from Las Vegas. And I won't even mention the Eiffel Tower that came with it. Anyway, I've been working on something big lately; something that will blow this pyramid mumbo-jumbo out of the water. And thanks to the efforts of my partner and good friend, Haymitch, we have located a shrink ray in a secret lab far out in the outskirts of North Korea. Once we claim it, we'll have the capability to pull off the true crime of the century!"
Excitedly, the minions pulled out their weapons and rocket launchers relishing the mission that would be at hand.
"Wait! I haven't even said what the mission is yet!" Sheldon cried, as one minion fired a stray rocket impatiently, knocking a few minions off their feet. The guilty party was a fidgety one named Dave. "Dave, listen up, please!"
"Bee-bo..." the minion said guiltily, as one of the singed victims punched him in the side as punishment.
"Anyway," Sheldon continued. "We're going to steal- the moon!" At the revelation of this news, the minions went into a glorious uproar once more. "And once the moon is ours, the people will have no choice to bow to our whim to get it back. And then, we will be the greatest villains of all time!" As the minions cheered, Sheldon pulled out a ringing cellphone to hear Haymitch calling him.
"Shelly, I've been crunching some data up, and frankly, this plan is beyond our payment plan! It'd take a miracle!"
"I believe I've told you plenty of times not to call me Shelly; and anyways, I intend to get another loan from the bank. Besides, they love me!"
Another chapter down the pipeline. Remember to review, and the next update will have both the girls and the Bank of Evil included. Merry Christmas, everyone!