AUTHORS NOTE: So, this is Kakashi´s POV, after he left the bathhouse, and then all through the night. It´s a long one, I hope you enjoy!
I will take request for side notes throughout the main story, if there's a moment you feel like you've missed, let me know in either the reviews of by dropping me a note. I make no promises, but I'll consider every prompt ^.^
XOXOX
Side notes to
Hidden Feelings, Hidden Lives
XOXOX
Addition to Chapter 4; The Comfort Of Not Being Alone
Drabble title: Honestly, I Mean Well
XOXOX
As Kakashi left the bathhouse, he hummed a little tune. Shikamaru's crush had been an unexpected one, but certainly interesting.
So… Asuma… well, I can certainly see the attraction. Huh, I've seen it for years. Not that I should ever tell Shikamaru that… Or should I?
He really was almost crying when he first spoke about it, guess it's to be expected though… I felt the same, didn't I?
Asuma… Wonder if it's his first crush… If it's a temporary thing… If so, I should really back off here. But if it's not… He's going to need a friend. Hell, I still need a friend, and it's been years…
I've got Iruka, of course, and the other guys as well. But… I shouldn't even think about this though, for all I know it's just a teenage crush. It'd be way too dangerous to go assuming anything else.
But then… Why the butterflies in my stomach? Well, obviously, because the kid's hot. He's a Nara… They're all hot… Damnit! He's just a kid! Why did I have to go and embarrass him like that? Oh, but it was so easy, so freakin' irresistible…
He must hate me by now, though… I… Did that to him…
A wry smile appeared on the jounin's face.
Poor kid, he must think the pervert of Konoha is after him, now. I'm not, though. But I just couldn't resist. Okay, maybe I'm after him a little… Only as a friend, though.
Darn, I could use a smoke…
He turned into the little convenience store he was just passing.
Might as well… I'll get some sake, too. Might help him relax a little. Wait, he's underage, right?
But it'll help him sleep, too. He hasn't been sleeping lately. Whatever, I'll risk it.
Grabbing a bottle, he pondered the other options for a little while, before deciding to stick to the mildest stuff he could find. The kid had probably never had a drop of alcohol in his life, wouldn't do to get him drunk. Deciding he'd just mooch a couple of cups from the Inn lady, he turned to the counter.
"This, and a pack of smokes please."
"Any brand in particular, young man?"
Young man? I'm almost thirty… For a shinobi, that's almost old…
"The one on the right, please. Also… A lighter."
"Sorry buddy, I only have matches."
Kakashi smiled, his eye crinkling in the process, "Matches are fine."
As he handed over the cash, Kakashi studied the older man for a brief moment.
For an old guy, he's pretty hot… I should really stop thinking stuff like that…
Still… Strong jaw line, sharp, intelligent eyes… His body ain't bad either… Apparently he still keeps it up, even at his age. Ugh, stop this Kakashi!
After thanking the man, and suppressing the urge to apologize for having dirty thoughts the guy clearly wasn't aware of, he walked out again.
I probably shouldn't walk in carrying a bottle of sake… Sakura already seems to think the worst of me…
He pulled a face.
Making a slight detour, he jumped from rock to rock until he reached his balcony. The door to the inside of the room was locked, but that didn't really matter anyway. He just put the bottle down in the corner by the door, making a mental note not to forget to pick it up again later.
He made his way back down again, thanking his stroke of luck has he saw the old lady that ran the inn turning into the kitchen. He quickly followed, softly clearing his throat so as not to startle the woman.
"Oh, mister Hatake! Dinner will take a little while longer, I'm afraid. Oh, and one of your young companions still hasn't returned. The one with the dark hair, should I sent someone after him?"
He smiled, the maternal way she spoke to him softening his heart. "No, no. I'm sure Shikamaru is fine. He's just taking a long bath is all. I was actually hoping I could ask a small favor of you…"
"Oh?" Head cocked to the side, she studied him for a moment.
"Yes, you see… I was hoping I could borrow two cups from you, without the others knowing, that is," He rubbed the back of his head, feeling a little uncomfortable.
"Are you having a lady friend over?" She winked at him, causing the man to sigh, old ladies always thought they had everything figured out, didn't they?
"No, no, nothing like that… Actually… Shikamaru – the one that's still out, he's… Not been feeling very… Happy, I guess, lately. I just kind of found out what's up, but I figured the kid could use a good talk as well. So… I mean, I know he's too young and all, but… "
"I saw you, went to check. I put the sake on the dresser. I actually thought you were planning to drown your own sorrows, but this is a much better use for the bottle. I'll add the two cups, young man, don't worry."
Again with this 'young man' business… Although, she's actually old…
"Eh… Thank you."
She studied him a little while longer and the jounin grew increasingly uncomfortable under her gaze. It seemed the woman was looking straight through him. Eventually though, she turned away, pointing at a pot on a high cabinet.
"Could you please get that for me? Usually I'd just grab a stool, but…"
"Oh, sure. No problem," He quickly stepped forward, reaching up. The woman only reached up till about his chest, after all. And if he could help her out with such a little thing…
"You shouldn't worry so much, you know. There's nothing wrong with you."
"Eh?" He turned on his heels, almost dropping the pot.
"So the kid too, huh? I suppose it's a good thing you found out then. Maybe you can talk him down a little, he seems so agitated. But then again, so do you…" She cocked her head, studying him again.
"I'm not sure I'm following, ma'am…" He said slowly, placing the pot on the stove with shaking hands.
"You're gay, aren't you? That's what's been bothering you. My son used to have that exact same look in his eyes… So sad."
"I… eh, I don't think…"
"Oh, it's quite alright, lad. You're secret is safe with me."
He could only stare at her, swallowing hard. She seemed to understand, though, giving his arm a comforting squeeze.
"Just calm down, son. I'll get started on dinner and then bring the cups up, alright? You just go and do whatever it is you feel you should be doing right now. I don't really mind you sticking around, but I'm pretty sure you want to get out of here now," She winked at him, before turning to the fridge.
"Right… Yes… I eh, should go now… Thank you," He left as soon as the words had left his lips, startled by this woman's perceptiveness.
Turning into the hall, he could hear Sakura happily chatting away in the dining room. Probably talking poor Shino's ear off. Kakashi was just glad she hadn't found him first. Bypassing the two chuunin, he quickly took the stairs, two steps at a time. He really needed to be alone, right now.
As Kakashi slid open the door to the room that had been assigned to him, the first thing he noticed was that the bottle of sake was indeed sitting on the dresser. He shrugged, sighing a little uncomfortably.
I thought I was hiding it pretty well, but if some little old lady I've never even seen before figured me out that easily… Who else knows? Has this entire façade been for naught?
Opening the door to the small balcony, the silver-haired man worried the inside of his lip.
As soon as he stepped out, he picked the cigarettes out of his pocket, sighing once more as he eyed the pack.
I really shouldn't. I'd basically be admitting that I feel horrible… Well, I admitted that to myself just by buying them, guess it can't exactly hurt to go through with it now…
He pulled down the mask, there was no-one else around anyway, and it was dark. Besides, his balcony overlooked the surrounding area, the town was on the other side of the inn. And right now, he'd rather actually feel the cigarette between his lips.
Lighting one, he could feel his hands tremble.
She figured me out… But, she also said that I shouldn't worry so much about it. On the other hand, she knows nothing about me, about my life. I can't not worry about it. Not in my situation…
Still, that's at least one person that's not disgusted… It's kind of nice, I suppose…
'Talk him down a little' – yes, ma'am, that's exactly what I plan on doing. He's going to need it. Though I'm not sure Shikamaru even wants to be around me anymore at this point…
I should've kept my distance a little more. But it's so hard, sometimes… It's been so long, after all… Not that that's any kind of excuse, he's just a kid, for cryin' out loud! A hot one… Stop that. Damnit. If I keep this up, I might have to – No. Never again. I was an idiot for ever going there, I'm not getting sucked back into that world! It's not going to happen.
I'll just… Take care of things myself.
Another wry smile tucked at his lips, and the silver-haired man sighed.
"I already told you not to be so hard on yourself, young man. There's not much more an old woman like me can do for you…"
He turned on his heels. How did I not hear her come in?! Oh, crap, the mask!
Tugging at the fabric, he looked away.
"Don't bother, son, I already saw."
He turned back to her, sheepishly rubbing the back of his head, "Eh… It's just…" He felt his body slump back against the railing, "I suppose it doesn't really matter, anyway," He offered her a soft smile, "It's not like you know what it's for…"
"Hmmm, to protect yourself from the hordes of young ladies that would pursue you otherwise?" She cocked her head again, a cheeky smile on her face.
"Eh… No. Nice try, though…" He took another drag from his smoke, studying the small form standing in the middle of the room.
"At any rate, it doesn't really matter to me," She smiled, "Your young friend has returned, by the way, he's looking a little better."
"Ah, that's… Good to know. Thank you."
She nodded, "Dinner will be ready in about ten minutes or so. I'm not coming back up here to call you then. Just so you know," She winked again, "My tired old bones can't do everything that you youngsters do so easily anymore. I'll be going straight to bed after you've had your dinner. If there's anything you need, my room is right below the staircase. Just knock."
She turned to leave again, calmly shuffling out of the room.
"Wait! I… Thank you."
She shot him a warm smile over her shoulder, but didn't stop walking.
He heard her make her way down the stairs, flicking his bud into the night, the copy ninja smiled.
Thank you.
XOXOX
As he left the dinner table, Kakashi gave the young Nara a small nod.
We'll talk tonight, it said, Don't forget.
Clearly, the boy had gotten the message, because Kakashi could see him gulp. Smiling softly, he walked up the stairs.
I'll be gentle, Shikamaru, don't you worry your pretty little head one bit. I promised, didn't I? Besides, I can definitely sympathize. It's quite the situation you've suddenly found yourself in. I won't be too hard on you. I'd hate it if someone did that to me, and don't they say 'Do unto others –' Okay, I can't remember the last bit right now, but you catch my drift , right?
Don't worry, I know how it feels, better than anyone else, I know how it feels.
I remember the first time I felt like that… He was so beautiful. Why did everything turn out like that? It still doesn't seem fair… All I ever did was try to get my first kiss… It's in the past now, though. I shouldn't think on it anymore. I'm not going to weigh this kid down with my bad memories. Only the good ones. Hmmm… Good memories? There aren't too many of them, I'm afraid… Okay, so maybe no memories at all. I doubt he's interested in some old guy's life story anyway.
But I will have to find a way to put the kid at ease a little…
Stepping out unto the balcony once more, he lit another smoke. The lights in the room were dimmed, bright light would only make the conversation to come that much harder on both of them. He'd also left both the balcony door and the door to the hall open just a little, when Shikamaru came up, he would hear him.
I'm pretty sure he's going to try to slip past. I'd do the same if I was in his shoes… But I won't allow it, Shikamaru, this is too important. If I didn't get that message before, that old lady sure made it clear to me.
It's not… Bad, or anything. It's simply who I am. Just another part of me that the world will never know. Just another part of me that's hidden away, like my face, like my time with ANBU… I don't want you to turn into me, Shikamaru. It's a horrible path to follow, and it won't do you any good. No, learn from my mistakes and don't even attempt to go there, that's all I want. If I can safe even one person from this fate, then it's all been worth it – well, sort of, anyway…
Asuma… I remember when I used to follow the guy around like a lost puppy… And apparently, Asuma's the kind of guy that kicks lost puppies a lot. Though I did crack some pretty fucking stupid jokes back then…
Like when he finally came home after he left the Guardian Shinobi Twelve… I was the stupid idiot who asked if he'd finally ditched those guys for me… Sure, I was joking, but… I grossed him out. I know I did. What did he say again, exactly? 'I didn't ditch anyone for you, you're weird... Are you a faggot or something?' Right, and then he asked where Kurenai was… Always Kurenai with that guy… Sure, she's cute, if you're into that sort of thing…
The copy ninja snorted, Asuma was definitely into that sort of thing.
Did he even realize how much he hurt me back then? Probably not. After all, he doesn't know, right? He never will, either.
A scowl appeared on his face.
Telling a homophobe like Asuma would be the most idiotic thing I could ever do… Still… The guy broke my heart so many times over… And then there was Genma. Oh, god, Genma…
A light blush tinted his cheeks as he felt his body respond. Genma looked even better than Asuma'd ever done. Genma was… Perfect.
Even after all these years…
His hand unconsciously slipped inside his pants, gently massaging. A slight chuckle escaped him.
Wouldn't do to face Shikamaru with a big bulge in my pants… Hah, now that would be embarrassing…
For a little while, conscious thought went out the window, images flashed before his eyes as the silver-haired man easily worked his body. He'd done this so many times before, he didn't really need much time.
"Ah…" He blushed a little, usually, not a sound would escape him, but right now, with everything going on, his reserve had slipped a little. Not that it was loud at all, even if someone had been standing out on the hall, they probably wouldn't have heard him.
Taking but a few seconds, he stared off into the distance, gathering himself. After that, the man moved swiftly, throwing on a clean pair of underwear and pants, stuffing the other set into his backpack. He listened at the door for a little while, but it seemed that the Nara still wasn't coming up.
I'll wait then, have another smoke.
Out on the balcony, the vast emptiness around him drew his gaze.
There's absolutely nothing out there… We've got quite the track in front of us.
He sighed. Inhaling deep, he blew little smoke circles.
It's like me, really. Empty... I shouldn't think about that anymore, not right now at least. I was supposed to talk Shikamaru down, put him at ease. Can't do that if I'm getting all down in the dumps here. But I can't very well think about hot guys anymore either, for one, I only brought one change of clothes…
He was pulled out of his thoughts by soft footsteps on the stairs.
So, he finally gave up, huh? Took you long enough, kid. And you're complaining again. Cute, but you're not getting away from me now.
Flicking his cigarette away, he quickly walked through his room, sliding the door open just in time.
He really couldn't help the smile on his face, happy as he was he'd caught the boy who was obviously trying to slip by.
"Ah, Shikamaru! There you are. I've been waiting, come in!"
As Shikamaru obeyed his almost-command, he could see the boy's gaze drift around the room, taking in every little detail, eventually coming to a rest on the sake that was still on the dresser. Kakashi felt like he needed to explain, it wasn't like he was trying to get the kid drunk so he could get in his pants or anything.
I really have to stop thinking these dirty thoughts…
"I told you I was going to be nice, didn't I? The sake is just there in case you want some. It can help loosen the tongue," He winked, hoping to put the boy at ease a little.
Shikamaru ignored him and walked over to the bed, dropping on the floor just in front of it.
Okay… Fine.
Closing the door, he sat down across from him. The room was so small their knees were all but touching.
That's… I didn't count on that. This may be a little too close for comfort – on my part at least. I wonder how he feels about it…
Kakashi studied the younger man intently, hoping for a sign at least. He wanted to know if the close proximity was too much, he needed to know if this Asuma-thing was just a teenage crush, or an indication of something a little… More.
Out of nowhere, Shikamaru lifted his gaze, a frown on his face, "Look, I don't know what you want from me, okay?"
Really? I thought I made it perfectly clear, kid…
"Well, the whole story. What happened? Why did you fall you fall in love with him? What do you think about his assets?"
Let's see here… How deep can I get you to blush? Also, how much are you going to inadvertently give away? Because I really don't feel like coming out if you're just in this for a few months…
"He's always there for me, he gets me, he's great company…"
The boy stopped talking, looking a little sheepish. The silver-haired man could hear him take a deep breath.
"And he's sexy as hell."
The boy tried a smirk – that didn't exactly come out right. A little shrug tucked at the Nara's shoulders before he sighed, "And that's all I have to say."
Shikamaru looked away, bright-red.
Okay… So that much is clear, you have good taste. Now, does that taste extend to other men as well? Come on, kid. Give me something here. I want to help you, I really want to, but…
He swallowed.
This is scary for me too, you know…? No, you don't know, you just think the pervert's stuck his nose in. No doubt you don't hold me in high regard right now, either. Just like Sakura. Wait – isn't that her? Yes… She and Shino. Going to bed, no doubt. It's already gotten late…
Cocking his head to the side, he still watched Shikamaru, hoping for a clear sign which way the boy swung. But at the same time, Kakashi was a curious man, and as such, tried to listen in on the hushed conversation on the other side of the thin wall.
"Shino, I'm sure it'll be alright…"
"I wish I could have as much faith in the matter as you seem to have, Sakura…"
"We'll see, just you wait, Shikamaru's going to be fine. He has to, right? He's our friend. If he's not getting back from this…"
"We will help him, Sakura. One way or the other, he will be alright again. But right now, let's just go to bed. We still have a mission to occupy ourselves with as well."
"Yeah… You're right, Shino. Good night."
"Good night, Sakura."
He could hear their doors slide shut, followed by the muffled sounds of two people quietly getting ready for bed. When Kakashi felt sure the two were at least in bed, if not sleeping already, he leaned over to the young Nara. Decision made now, he smiled his eye-crinkling smile, whispering, "So, do you often fall head over heels for other men?"
He watched in amusement as the boy froze on the spot for the second time today. His head snapped up, apparently he was trying to stare the jounin down. It was funny, so he chuckled.
"I presume I can take that as a 'yes' then?"
"Shut up," Shikamaru instantly retreated, hunching his shoulders in an attempt to protect himself.
He leaned back a little, resting his back against the wall, "No, Shikamaru…" He drawled out, "I don't think I will…"
Studying the young Nara for a few moment, Kakashi decided he was just going to risk it. The boy looked so lost right now, so utterly scared… He had to do something.
'Talk him down a little,' I'll do my best, ma'am.
"I'll give you this, though; You've got good taste."
He chuckled as the Nara looked up at him again, surprise clear on his face.
"I mean, sure, he looked even better a couple years ago, but you can't exactly know that… I'd say… Nineteen. Yes, nineteen was his prime… Didn't have those worry lines yet… "
"What the –…" He watched the boy frown, looking quizzical but still so afraid.
He sighed, "Relax kid. It's not like I have a problem with it," A small chuckle escaped him, "Not at all. I've actually got a pretty decent idea what it feels like, you don't have anything to fear from me."
"You…?"
Another chuckle, "Yes. Does it surprise you?"
"I… Guess…"
He smiled at him, relieved that Shikamaru seemed to relax a little, leaning over again, he whispered once more, a smile in his voice, "So, apart from that bearded dream of a sensei of yours… Who else?"
Shikamaru gulped, then smirked, "What, guys? Several…"
"Hmmm? Tell me," He couldn't help but grin.
So I was right after all. Well, actually grandma was…
The Nara worried the inside of his lip for a while, still looking insecure, "You first," He eventually dared him.
"No worries…" Leaning back again, the silver-haired man let his mind wander, "Where to start, though…"
The kid's eyes widened, "That many…?"
Kakashi chuckled again, he was really starting to have fun here, "Oh, but I've been at this for a lot longer, kid. And we just happen to work with some pretty hot guys… Hmmm, I've always though Inoichi looked pretty good, maybe a bit too feminine though…"
Let's start this of slow, just to be sure. Inoichi really does look pretty good, nowhere near what I really like, though. So that should be safe enough. And Shikaku and Inoichi don't really hang out all that much anymore, so he can't really know the guy too well, I suppose.
"Long hair, dude? Seriously?" An incredulous look appeared on the Nara's face.
"Well, like I said, maybe a bit too feminine… On the other hand, gives you something to hold onto."
Okay… That was probably a little too dirty for the kid, he's only fifteen after all… Doubt he'd get it.
"You got a point there…" The other replied thoughtfully, tapping his chin, "Bit of a handful, though," A wicked smirk appeared on the young man's face.
"True," He held up one finger, thoroughly enjoying the fact that this kid somehow managed to keep up with him, something even most adults didn't manage. Although… he did start off a bit slow, "On the other hand, there's plenty room for two hands, and long hair also means longer reach…"
"You worried you're so bad he's gonna run?" Blushing brightly, he turned away. Clearly worried he'd gone too far. Like that was even possible…
"No… More worried he'd run before I got the chance to show 'em what it means to have a good time," He gave a huge grin, not that Shikamaru could see much of it, but apparently he got the gist of it anyway, "Now, don't go thinking I pull stunts like that… It'd be a very bad idea…"
"Which part? Coming out or pulling Inoichi along by the hair?" He sounded genuinely worried for a second, covering it up by making his words out to be a joke.
Kakashi nodded to himself, he'd known this part was coming, "Personally," He spoke softly, "I'd say both. Inoichi's got a thing about his hair, he'd kill me…" Jokes felt safer, even if the subject was serious, chuckling, he continued, "Can't hurt to daydream a little, though…"
Another smirk pulled at the corners of Shikamaru's mouth, it seemed like the kid was finally ready to share a little, "Then what about Aoba?"
Kakashi moaned a little, "Hot. Definitely hot. You've really got good taste…"
"Well, duh…"
Kakashi smiled, "He's not too flexible, though… Such a shame…"
"What?!" Eyes wide, Shikamaru leaned forward, then slumped back again, "Oh my god…"
"What?" The copy ninja asked innocently, "That basically means the only way it's gonna work is doggy-style. Don't get me wrong, I've got nothing against it, but if you've got a guy as hot as that…"
He watched in awe as a hot blush crept over the Nara's face.
Don't tell me you've never thought about it… You're fifteen, sex is about all a fifteen-year-old ever thinks about… Apparently that still holds true by the time you're twenty-nine, but that's… A little less well-known… He's kinda cute like this though…
"Then tell me this, Shikamaru," He smiled as the boy looked up, cautiously trying to gauge the older man's mood, "What would you say to… Let's see… Izumo?"
"Wouldn't say no… Kotetsu's hotter, though…" He blushed again, but answered all the same, a daring look in his eyes.
"Ah… I see your point… Hmmm… Kotetsu… No, wait, both of them! They have that syrup jutsu thingy going on, right? One would never have to buy lube again… Jiggle the viscosity a little of course, hmm, figuring it out would be half the fun. You'd have to test it, you see," He held up one finger again, smiling.
"Uh… Yeah… I eh, I guess…" Shikamaru visibly swallowed. A little uneasy, but still too interested to want Kakashi to stop talking yet, he could tell.
"How about we grab the sake? You don't have to drink any if you don't want, but…" He winked, "My mouth's getting a little dry just thinking about this…"
He watched the boy nod, a little too eagerly for his comfort, but Kakashi decided to push that aside for now. So he got up to retrieve the sake and the cups. After he sat back down, he poured a very small amount in one, sliding it over to the boy.
"Let's see if you like it first, shall we? I don't intent to get you sozzled, here, just…" Not really sure how to end the sentence, Kakashi stopped talking.
Shikamaru seemed to understand him well enough, though. Nodding, he picked up the cup. First holding it up to his nose, smelling. He pulled a little face, then shrugged. Clearly hoping the smell and the taste wouldn't match too much. Kakashi almost laughed out loud.
Looks like Shikamaru is in for a little unpleasant surprise… Sorry kid, but it smells exactly like it tastes.
Shikamaru took a tiny sip, scrunching up his face, "Yeah… Just delicious…" He said dryly, "I can totally see why you guys get drunk all the time…"
"Oh, but I don't," He poured a cup for himself, "Pretty much never, actually… It would be too hard to control my… Urges."
He laughed softly, seeing the boy go red in the face.
"Really? And here I thought you'd just get drunk and fuck every ass you could find…" Apparently, sake really did loosen the kid's tongue. Maybe a little too much…
"Ah, well, that would be blowing my cover…"
"Blowing? Dude, you're dirty…"
Chuckling, the copy ninja took another sip, "It's an expression, Shikamaru. Had nothing to do with me being dirty or not. Now Genma, that's a guy I'd like to get dirty with…"
"Genma? Seriously?"
"Yep," Kakashi poured himself another drink, offering the bottle to the chuunin before setting in back on the floor, "I've always had a little thing for him, the guy's hot. And the way he moves that senbon around in that mouth of his… " He moaned softly, "I know what I'd like to replace that damned thing with if I ever got the chance!"
I'd so like to do just that… Hmmm… Genma AKA one of the sexiest guys alive… Not that I should've actually told him that… Oh well, I guess it's alright. After all, it's just one name out of many, right?
The jounin wiggled his one visible eyebrow suggestively, smiling as the kid's blush deepened once more. But the fun was soon forgotten as he saw the young Nara retreat again. Knees pulled up, he wrapped his arms around his slender legs, resting his head on his knees.
Did I go too far? No, I imagine it's just the fear kicking in… He's been hiding, too.
"Shikamaru, it's okay," He deliberately kept his tone soft. There was so much more he wanted to tell this boy, that there was nothing to be afraid of, that everything would work out in the end. But the silver-haired man knew from personal experience that such was not the case. So he settled for comforting him with what he could give him, softly placing one hand on a trembling arm.
The Nara looked up, tears in his eyes. Kakashi had to suppress a sigh, squeezing the slim arm gently.
"You can let it all out, it's alright."
He watched as the tears started to fall, leaving wet trails on the tanned face. Kakashi felt like his heart would break.
This kid… I'm here for you, Shikamaru, I promise you I'll always be here for you.
He couldn't stand it anymore, moving to sit beside the quietly sobbing boy he wrapped his arms around the slender frame. Shikamaru immediately leaned in, needing the comfort as much as Kakashi needed to give it to him. He cradled the crying boy to his chest, softly whispering meaningless words, soothing the young man.
In time, the sobs stopped, but Shikamaru didn't move. His breath had evened out and the jounin understood that the kid had cried himself to sleep. A soft smile crept across his face.
Well, at least he's finally sleeping… Not that I can keep him here. That would be… Wrong. I'll try to convince the others to let him sleep in tomorrow, who knows how long it's been since the kid really slept?
It's late, though. No… More like early… I didn't realize we'd been talking this long. It's okay, though. It's just fine. He's no longer alone, and neither am I. It's… Overwhelming really… This kid…
He smiled fondly, moving the boy unto his lap before standing up. Carrying the boy over to his own room, Kakashi wondered what to do next.
I can't very well let him sleep in his uniform, right? Can I? Nah, it'd get all crinkled and it's not going to benefit his sleep any, either. I should probably undress him…
He swallowed, his body immediately eager.
No, damnit. Not like that. I'm just… Gonna take of the flack vest – obviously, the shirt should go as well… And the kunai holster, don't want him to accidentally hurt himself… Though, that thing's fit pretty secure… I don't even know if I'll be able to take it off… Looks like he customized it. Makes sense, you don't want an enemy to suddenly stealing away your leg holster… Especially if your jutsu requires you to stay still… So… Pants as well? That's… Tricky…
No, he's just a kid! I'm not going to have dirty thoughts about a bloody kid! I may be a pervert, but I refuse to turn into a pedophile…
Gently placing the sleeping form on the bed, Kakashi got to work quickly, removing the flack vest – no problems there, then the shirt – that went fine as well.
A mesh shirt? No, you can't sleep in that… I just… Don't really want to take it off, though…
The copy ninja swallowed hard, all but looking away as he gently removed the mesh shirt.
Damn, he's hot… Not good, don't go there. Don't... You can take care of all your needs yourself, just… Don't think about this one when you do so… He's fifteen, Kakashi. Fifteen, don't forget that!
Right… Pants… I wonder if he wears boxers or briefs? Stupid question! It's not even any of your business, besides… You're about to find out anyway…
He swallowed again, fingers fiddling with the buckle nervously.
Come on… Steady yourself, you're gonna wake him up! Not a situation you ever want to have to explain… Especially after what we just talked about… Hmmm, I should've asked him what he thinks about Kiba… UIgh! Get the teenagers out of your head!
There, pants are open… Now, stay calm.
So… Boxers it is, huh? Should've guessed… He's pretty… Big…
Damn, stop this! Look away! Right. Now!
Turning his head, the man swallowed again, this was even harder than he'd thought. Picking up the clothes, he moved them to the foot of the bed, gently covering the sleeping boy with the sheets.
Sleep tight, Shikamaru.
He turned to leave. But when his gaze fell upon the disorganized heap of clothes, he frowned.
That won't do. That won't do at all. I know I'm not a neat freak but – Ah, who am I kidding? I am a neat freak… I should at least fold them. This is just… I should fold them. They shouldn't be laying there, either. He could kick them off the bed. That wouldn't do… He shouldn't have to pick his clothes off the floor like… No, don't go there. Anyway… I should probably… Yes, put them on the dresser.
So he did, turning to leave once more, he looked over at the sleeping boy one last time.
Sweet dreams, my friend. You're not alone anymore, neither of us is. Please never forget that.