AUTHORS NOTE: Izumo! Ah, my poor man, get out of your head, there's really nothing to worry about! Awww…. Anyway, these are Izumo's thoughts the day after… lol.

Thank you Mswan0117 for checking this over! You're an amazing Beta, just so you know ;)

I will take request for side notes throughout the main story, if there's a moment you feel like you've missed, let me know in either the reviews of by dropping me a note. I make no promises, but I'll consider every prompt ^.^

XOXOX

Side notes to
Hidden Feelings, Hidden Lives

XOXOX

Addition to Chapter 77: When Three Becomes Four
Drabble title: Did I… Rape Him?

XOXOX

He's definitely not home. Definitely not. No. That means… That he's not here. Yeah… Not home.
He's… Eh… Well… Not here, so he's… He's… He's got to be… There, right? 'Cause he's not here… And that's like… I mean… I'd talk to Kotetsu about this if I thought I could… Kotetsu's my best friend… His is… Yeah, that's probably where he is… But… I don't… I can't…

But… Kakashi knows, right? He knows about me… Probably. No, certainly… If he's there… Which he probably is… So… I mean, he's not home, so… He's got to be… Where else would he be, right? So… Heh… He's there, then… And I… I'm scared, though… That's… That's Kakashi Hatake… And… Not only is he a pervert, he's… He's strong enough to snap me like a twig… And I just… Yesterday, I… I mean… That's not… It's not like I wanted to, eh… Embarrass Iruka or anything… I mean… I didn't mean to, eh… It's not like I planned this… I mean, if I had… I wouldn't have… You know, let myself slip or anything…But…

He just looked so hot… And… I mean… He's a guy, and I like guys… And so does he, so… I mean… It's not like either of us has ever done anything like that before… God, that felt good, though… Oh, good god… I can't… Can't get it out of my mind… He… His hands… And, then… I… I touched him, I felt… Oh god, I felt him… Unbelievable… But he's probably mad, now… I never… I mean… He's my friend, right… And then I… Oh god, he's going to hate me for the rest of my life, isn't he?

But, Iruka's a nice guy, right? He wouldn't… Oh, who am I kidding? He would. He so would. And now he's probably over there, telling that guy that I raped him… I mean, I didn't, though. Did I? It's not like I actually… Got permission, so… I guess… I guess I did. And… Kakashi… I'm dead, aren't I? I'm so dead… Iruka… You felt so good, oh god, you felt so good… Did I… Did I really rape him? I mean… He touched me, too, right? So… Does that still mean that I…?

I still can't believe how good that felt… Just… Even just his hands on my chest… That was… I've been touching myself like that for years, but… It's nothing compared to the real thing… And then I had to go and force his hand down… Oh god… He hates me for that, he has to… Even if that was probably the best feeling in my entire, miserable life… No, actually… I think feeling him… When he… That was so awesome… I actually felt that… I felt him come… That was… Indescribable… He's not gonna feel the same, is he? God, I wish he could feel the same…

I should probably… Go over there. Talk to him… Maybe he'll… Have coffee with me or something… No, probably not, I mean… He probably thinks I raped him… And Kakashi is going to kill me for this, I know he is… Still… If I'm the coward that runs away… I deserve to be chased down and killed.

I can at least try to explain… I didn't mean to, you know, hurt him or anything, hurt his feelings… I just… Iruka looked so irresistible… Irresistible Iruka… Heh, that,he is…
It's not like… I'm in love with the guy or anything… If anything, I think I'm still in love with Kotetsu, I probably always will be… But Iruka… He's… He's awesome, he really is. He's fucking amazing – fucking? Heh, yeah, that too… He's hot, and he's great company and… And I just couldn't help myself anymore… I just… I can't remember for how long I've wanted to touch, to feel… And Iruka… He was there, and I… I'm an asshole. I touched one of my best friends just because I was horny… God if that had happened with Kotetsu I'd be laying in a hospital bed right now…

Iruka's not like that… He's just ashamed of it, probably… Ashamed that I touched him… That I forced him to touch me… He's probably feeling sick to his stomach. But Kakashi… I think that's a whole other story… I don't exactly know the guy, but… There are stories, you know? Like how he took out seven jounin from the Mist because they broke his teammate's arm… Maybe that one's a little exaggerated, though… Still, if Iruka's his friend, and I made Iruka touch me… I think I'm gonna be sick…

He lives around here, doesn't he? I remember going through the records with Kotetsu once, he said he wanted to know where Kakashi lived, so he could steer clear of him… And here I am… Looking, actually looking for his apartment. I think this might be my last day on earth… But Iruka, ah… He looked so… Cute. I know that's kind of a mean thing to think about a grown man, but… And then he… Oh god, his face when he… That was… So hot.

My cheeks are burning… That's probably a bad thing, right? But I can't… I just can't get it out of my head… Iruka… He felt so good, so good that… I don't know the words… He's… And I… I'm a monster, aren't I? I think I am… Kakashi undoubtedly thinks I am. I know he does… Does Iruka think I'm a monster? Does he think I… Raped him? I… Oh god, I hope not… I never meant to force him into anything, I just… He was… Touching me and… It felt like I was about to burst and… And I couldn't… Couldn't take it anymore… So I… That was wrong, though, wasn't it? Probably… Probably was… Just like me touching him was… Bad. Really bad. He's my friend… And I… I think I might've raped him…