AUTHORS NOTE: So… This is different. This side note doesn't actually connect to any of the written chapters – it takes place long before Hidden Feelings, Hidden Lives starts up. Long before Shikamaru tells Kakashi about his crush on Asuma, long before anyone knew Kakashi Hatake's gay.
The whole thing is Iruka's POV, and it shows how the sensei's helps his best friend through one of life's deep, dark tunnels. These are the days that no-one actually knows what's bothering the guy, and I can't help but feel sorry for Iruka. I seriously can't. Oh and Paccun, I feel terribly sorry for Paccun – even though I find this so funny xD
Thank you Mswan for managing to keep up with my hectic pace – and still managing to do such an amazing job on the Beta's. Seriously people, start sending her flowers or chocolates and stuff because she so deserves it.
Aww, thanks! But it' s all true, every word. And I'll take chocolate, flowers and money! :)
I'm seriously leaving my Beta's note in here – too darned funny ;) Though… Money? Sorry Sweetheart, can't do that. I'll just give cuddles and kisses then ^.^
I will take request for side notes throughout the main story, if there's a moment you feel like you've missed, let me know in either the reviews of by dropping me a note. I make no promises, but I'll consider every prompt ^.^
XOXOX
Side notes to
Hidden Feelings, Hidden Lives
XOXOX
Addition to the facts about the friendship between Kakashi Hatake and Iruka Umino.
Drabble title: I Really Don't Mind, Kakashi
XOXOX
Iruka rushed through the bustling streets, hardly paying attention to the people around him.
Kakashi… I left you alone for too long, I'm sorry! I know you can't really be left alone right now, I'm so, so sorry! It's just that Gai had to leave early this morning, and I had this annoying meeting with the other sensei… I'm sorry, my friend. I'll be there in a few minutes, just hold on a little longer…
Taking the stairs two or even three steps at a time, his fingers already searched for his keychain in the pocket of his flack vest. As he reached his best friend's door, Iruka had no choice but to stop his break-neck rush and slowly turn the lock. The lock was so old that you had to jiggle the key just right, and you couldn't hurry. Taking a deep breath, he steadied his trembling hand, silently praying that the lock would turn on the first try this time. Not like yesterday, when he'd fiddled with the darned thing for almost five minutes before the door finally opened.
Please be okay in there…
The door opened on his second try, and Iruka quickly shed his sandals, hung his flack vest on the doorknob. He forced himself to calm down, walk in an unhurried pace. It wouldn't do to transfer his anxiety on the one person that he needed to be calm. Above all else, Kakashi needed to be calm right now.
Walking into the bedroom, Iruka forced a warm smile on his face, a soft tone in his voice, "Hey Kashi."
The man on the bed looked up at him, his eye empty, lifeless. Iruka suppressed a sigh. Kakashi sat on the edge of the bed, legs crossed, shoulders hunched. Curling into himself as best he could.
"Ruka…" His voice was a mere whisper, hoarse. Still, it didn't seem like he really recognized him. Swallowing against the tears that threatened to appear, Iruka sat down beside his best friend.
"I'm here, Kashi. I'm with you. Don't worry about anything, okay? I'm here with you."
A small nod, and the taller man leaned over a little, resting his body against Iruka's. Quiet sobs shook the silver-haired man, and Iruka immediately wrapped an arm around him, "I'm here, I got you. Just let it all out, Kashi."
They just sat there, for how long Iruka didn't know. It didn't really matter anyway. All that mattered right now was that Kakashi was safe. He was crying, but at least he wasn't doing anything to hurt himself, at least he was showing emotions. Well, one emotion. But that was still more than he'd come to expect after leaving the man alone in his depressed state.
God I wish I could just take the day off work when he's like this. But then I'd have to explain why and I can't tell them the truth. Can't feign illness or training injury either, because someone would come to check up on me… Usually, Gai's here so it's sort of okay. But this is the first time he's not here and I'm quickly realizing that I honestly can't do this alone…
"Kashi," Though the crying had stopped some time ago, Iruka still kept his tone as soft as he could possibly manage, "Did you eat yet, Kashi?"
A small shake of silver hair was his only answer, repeated when he asked if Kakashi'd drunk anything since he'd left. Iruka suppressed another sigh, eyeing the teacup that he'd put on the desk before leaving. It was still full, "Do you want me to get you something?"
Another small shake, and Iruka could feel himself start to lose hope again, "Kashi, you really need to drink something at least."
"No… I don't want to…"
"Why not?" He already knew the answer he was going to get, but somehow Iruka could never resist asking; Maybe this time the answer would be different after all.
"I want it all to stop, Ruka…"
Slowly closing his eyes, the younger man realized he'd been too hopeful once again. Still… "What do you want to stop, Kashi?"
"Everything… I don't want to anymore…"
"What don't you want, Kashi?" Swallowing, he silently prayed that somehow the answer to this question would be different at least.
"Living…"
It's not, then. He's going down that road again…
"Why? At least tell me that much, Kashi…"
Please… Because I've been taking care of you like this for years now, and I still don't really know. Oh, I know all the stuff that everyone should be able to figure out, and a couple of other things as well, but… I just can't seem to escape the thought that there is something huge that you're not telling me, not telling Gai…
"It's no use, Ruka… I don't want to try anymore…"
"Why not?" Hugging the man a little tighter, he tried to ignore how Kakashi trembled against him.
"Too hard…"
"I'm here with you, Kashi. And Gai is here for you too."
Suddenly, Kakashi pushed himself away from the younger man, anger flaring in his eye, "No. He's not. Liar."
"I'm not lying to you, Kashi," Still, he tried for that soothing tone, "Gai just had to leave for a little while, but he's coming back –"
"You don't know that!" Desperation was clear in the man's voice, and he pushed himself as far away from Iruka as the bed would allow.
Okay, that's three emotions. We're getting there…
"Gai is coming back, Kashi. I give you my word."
Please don't prove me a liar, Gai. He'd never forgive me if you don't make it back this time…
"You don't know that.." Whispering, he curled himself up again, pushed in the corner between the wall and the window, "They never come back…"
"Gai is. I promise he's coming back, Kashi."
"Minato-sensei promised he would come back too…" His tone a hoarse whisper, Iruka could hear the tears hidden behind the silver-haired man's arms.
"Gai isn't Minato-sensei, Kashi," The brunette mentally cringed at the implied badmouthing of the fourth Hokage, but he needed to convince his friend somehow, "Gai keeps his word, you know that. He's coming back."
"He has to…"
"He will."
"If he doesn't…" Looking up at the younger man, Kakashi suddenly wore a harsh expression, "If Gai doesn't come back then you lied to me and I will kill you."
He sighed, swallowing before he managed to reply, "You do that. I'm not lying, Kashi."
"I will," Somehow, to Iruka, the words sounded like a child's threat to start screaming if he didn't get his cookie. It almost made him smile, but at the same time the sensei realized that for all it was worth; Kakashi'd meant it. Making promises to the man when he was like this was always a dangerous game to play, so Iruka decided to change the subject before he inadvertently made even more promises he wasn't sure he could keep.
"I'm going to get you a glass of water now, and you're going to be a good boy and drink it, aren't you Kakashi?" His tone was a little strict, promising he would be disappointed if the older man didn't comply. Usually, just implying that he might be disappointed in him would carry Iruka through most of Kakashi's moods. As the silver-haired man nodded quietly, he was relieved to find that it would work this time as well.
So he got up, walking over to the kitchen. Filling the large glass he'd specifically bought for occasions like these before doubling back to the bedroom. Kakashi was once again sitting on the edge of the bed, trembling lightly. Sitting down next to him, Iruka gently pried the copy ninja's hands away from his face before softly pulling the mask down. Holding up the glass, he cocked his head to the side, "Are you going to drink it yourself or do you need me to help you?"
The older man clearly pouted, looking at the glass in Iruka's hand, "I'll drink it…" Taking the glass, he just stared at it dejectedly for a few seconds before setting it to his lips, taking the smallest of sips.
"Good…" The brunette coaxed, "Now take another…"
Moving the glass back up, the older man suddenly froze, frowning, "I don't want to."
Iruka bit his cheek, dealing with Kakashi was so exhausting sometimes, "But you're going to, right Kakashi?"
A few moments of silence were followed by a curt, "No."
"I'm going to be very disappointed if you don't drink the entire thing, Kakashi. I may even get angry," He threatened, hating himself for every word he spoke.
Another handful of seconds passed as the older man processed Iruka's words. Then, suddenly, he tipped back the glass. Looking over at Iruka a little worriedly, his voice came out very tiny, "Ruka not angry now?"
"No," Taking care to make his voice sound warm and gentle once more, he took the glass from a violently shaking hand, "I'm not angry, Kashi."
He nodded, relaxing just a little bit. The violent shaking diminished to a light trembling again, and Kakashi let out a small sigh. It almost sounded a little content and it made Iruka wonder what was going on inside his friend's head for the umpteenth time. But Kakashi would probably never tell him – Iruka was actually pretty sure by now that the man didn't even really know. There was something, but every time he tried to ask about it, Kakashi would either try to avoid answering the question, or dissolve into a state similar to this one. So Iruka'd just given up. No need to hurt the man even more.
"Are you going to eat something, Kakashi?"
"No."
Slowly closing his eyes for a moment, Iruka mentally prepared himself for yet another battle, "I want you to eat, Kashi."
The silver-haired man shrugged a little, looking down at the floor with a glum expression on his face.
"I mean it."
Another shrug, accompanied by a small frown.
"You know I don't like it when you don't answer me, Kakashi," His tone turning strict again, Iruka silently thanked the slew of obstinate children who'd accidentally taught him how to turn the 'sensei voice' on and off again at a moment's notice.
Kakashi pouted, staring down at the floor. He wrapped his arms around himself, hugging his body so tight that Iruka was sure there were going to be bruises later. But it wouldn't be the first time, and at least bruises from hugging weren't necessarily a bad thing. Kakashi frowned again, it looked like he was trying to find the right words, so Iruka just waited a little longer. Eventually, the silver-haired man whispered, "I'm not hungry, Ruka… Please don't be angry, I'm not hungry…"
"I still want you to try, Kashi," Once again, his tone was soft. But there was a hint of sternness in there that he knew the older man would pick up on.
The frown on Kakashi's brow deepened, and a single tear fell down his cheek as he suddenly looked up at Iruka, his body tensing up again, "Why won't you just let me give up?!"
He forced himself to stay calm, forced himself to not show any reaction. Forced his voice to come out steady, "Because I care about you, Kashi. I'll never let you give up because I care about you."
"Liar…" He was whispering again, looking away.
"I've never lied to you, Kashi. And I'm not starting today."
Actually, that's not true. I lie to you every time I tell you I'm disappointed, every time I tell you I'm angry. Every time I tell you that everything is going to be okay again. I lie to you when I say I don't mind sticking around when you're like this even though it hurts so much to see you like this, I lie to you when you ask me if I'm okay. I lie to you all throughout this process that we go through every eight to ten months or so. But I would never lie about caring about you. You're my best friend, my brother. Even if right now, you're nothing but a broken mess. Even if right now, you don't even want to live. I want you to live, because I can't live without you anymore. You're the closest thing to family I have, and I'll never allow you to just give up!
Kakashi remained silent for several minutes, but Iruka didn't push. Eventually his friend would speak again, and whichever words would fall from the man's lips, Iruka would go from there.
"Can I just eat a little bit?" Still not looking at Iruka, the silver-haired man's voice came out small once again. Pleading with the brunette.
Nodding softly, he tenderly placed a hand on Kakashi's leg, "Just a little bit is okay. But you're going to eat everything I give you, alright Kakashi?"
The man's breathing picked up, until he was almost hyperventilating. Iruka just waited it out. A few minutes later, Kakashi managed to calm himself down enough, his tone whiney as he spoke, though he still did not look up, "You always give too much…"
No I don't. I barely give you enough to survive… Ten bites isn't much for a grown man, Kakashi…
"You'll just have to deal with that. Now, how about we go to the kitchen and I see what I can make for you?"
As Kakashi nodded glumly, Iruka took the older man's hand, gently pulling him up and with him to the kitchen. He tenderly pushed the man in one of the kitchen chairs, turning to see what food the kitchen held today. Kakashi'd only gone down yesterday, so there should be enough still. Every couple of seconds, he threw a look over his shoulder, making sure that Kakashi was still sitting in his chair, that the man wasn't suddenly holding a knife again. It'd happened before, and getting that huge knife away from his friend was one of the scariest things he'd ever had to do. Kakashi was still a jounin after all, broken down or not. He was much faster than him, much stronger too. And that time, the older man had been hell-bent on slitting his own wrists. Iruka hoped he would never have to go through something like that again.
Checking the fridge, Iruka smiled a little: Fresh vegetables. Quickly checking to see which ones were nearing 'expired' he decided to keep it simple and just serve some steamed vegetables over white rice. At least there would be some vitamins in there, and he wasn't about to bother Kakashi with anything that would be hard to digest.
Glancing over his shoulder a little worriedly, Iruka grabbed a knife out of the drawer. Kakashi still hadn't moved, slumped down in the chair as he studied a spot on the floor.
Thank god. It seems like I won't have to deal with his self-destruction today…
Iruka worked quickly, wanting to get the food ready before Kakashi tried to wiggle his way out of dinner again. He paid close attention to where he put everything down, making sure the knife was back in the drawer as soon as possible, that there wasn't anything within Kakashi's reach that could possibly be deemed a weapon. Although to be honest: To a jounin, everything was a possible weapon.
When he placed the food in front of Kakashi, the older man pulled a face, "I'm not hungry…"
Iruka sighed, sitting down across the table he could feel his patience wearing thin, "Tough luck. Eat."
"Rukaaa…." The brunette bit his cheek to control himself, Kakashi's whiney tone was definitely starting to grate on his nerves, "It's too much…"
"No it's not. Now eat," Picking up his own chopsticks, Iruka decided to just lead by example and hope that Kakashi would follow his lead.
I do not want to have to force-feed you again… I'm too tired to deal with your shit right now, Kakashi. Please just eat… I know I have to hold down the fort until Gai comes back, but I seriously can't wait to see that guy again… And to think I always used to think Gai was one of the most annoying people alive! Now I'm just hoping for him to hurry up already…
A small sigh escaped the sensei as Kakashi picked up his chopsticks. Although he had to keep reminding the man to eat, there were no more complaints. And as Kakashi swallowed the last bite, Iruka made sure to compliment him on that before quickly polishing off his own meal.
After washing the dishes and putting everything back in its proper place, he took Kakashi by the hand again, guiding him back to the bedroom. After gently pushing the man to sit on the bed once more, Iruka sank down beside him. The older man immediately leaned against him, arms tightly wrapping themselves around Iruka's body. He didn't mind, Kakashi would never intentionally hurt him, and the man clearly needed the small comfort found in the simple touch. So Iruka wiggled his arm out from between the two of them, throwing it around his friend in order to return the hug. Experience had taught him that this could take a while, so he just relaxed, calmly waiting for Kakashi to decide he'd had enough.
Outside, the sky grew ever darker. Inside, the lamp warded off the darkness. Kakashi's breathing was even, his heart beat slow and steady. Iruka almost began to wonder if his friend had fallen asleep, but just as he decided to lean over a little and check, the silver-haired man spoke. His voice quiet but clear in the silence of the room, "Ruka… Thank you."
He smiled lightly, "You're more than welcome, Kashi."
He's coming back again! Thank goodness…
"Ruka…" There was a pause as the man tried to find the words that would express his thoughts. Iruka waited calmly, even if Kakashi was on the mend again, it would still take a while before he was completely up to speed once more, "Ruka, I… Why don't you hate me?"
Okay… Maybe not really out of the woods yet… Just a fleeting moment of clarity – Gosh, I hate those…
"How could I ever hate you, Kashi? You're my best friend."
"You're here again…"
Iruka nodded, "Yes, I'm here. I'm here because I don't hate you. I'm here because you're the closest thing I have to family. I'm here because I love you."
Suddenly, Kakashi chuckled. It was barely there, but Iruka knew he wasn't imagining it. The arms around him tightened for a brief moment, and the older man mumbled something that he could just about make out, "My little brother."
"Exactly. See? Where else would I be?"
Letting go of him, Kakashi pulled up the mask, staring out the window as he spoke, "That cute girl from the bakery…"
"What?" Despite trying not to, Iruka chuckled, "Mai? Hell no. She may be cute Kakashi, but I'm not interested!"
He only shrugged, falling into another long silence. After a minute or so, a light frown settled on the sensei's brow.
Did I mess up? What did I say? He's the one that started talking about girls, isn't he? What did I do wrong? Oh boy, please don't go back to that dark place, Kashi! I don't like it there, and you always manage to drag me with you just a little. I seriously don't even know what I did wrong here…
Ten minutes later, Kakashi still hadn't moved, still hadn't spoken.
I'm not sure what to do at this point. Force him to talk to me again? Or would it be better to just leave him be for a little while longer? He doesn't look like he's doing too bad, but at the same time you never really know with Kakashi…
Biting his cheek, Iruka pondered his options for a little while, eventually deciding to just act as if nothing had happened, but still urge his friend to look at him again, "Kakashi, I'm a little thirsty, do you want some tea too?"
Almost a full minute had passed before the silver-haired man answered him, "No…"
"Water then?"
"No…"
"Coffee?"Iruka knew he was starting to sound a little desperate, but he was honestly getting a little desperate.
You have to keep your fluids up, Kakashi…
"I'm not thirsty, Ruka… You go get some tea, I don't really care…"
Taking a deep breath, Iruka forced his frown back, "I do. I care about you. Do you care about me too, Kashi?"
"Of course…"
"Then choose something to drink. And drink the whole glass, okay? For me?"
A deep sigh, "For Ruka…"
"Thank you," He smiled, even though Kakashi couldn't see it, the man would be able to hear it in his voice, "What would you like to drink, Kashi?"
Another silence dragged on. He was starting to get increasingly sure that Kakashi'd forgotten the question – it wouldn't be the first time, "Kakashi, what are you going to drink?"
"What Ruka has?" A little insecure, he looked back at him, "Kashi drinks what Ruka drinks?"
Conjuring up a warm smile, the younger man nodded, "Alright. I will be right back, okay?" He waited until Kakashi nodded before getting up, humming a soothing tune. He would keep humming until he returned to the bedroom, just to let Kakashi know he was still here, that he hadn't left him. It had been an instinctual reaction the first time, but when he realized that it helped to keep his friend calm and grounded, Iruka'd decided to keep it up.
Walking over to the kitchen, he allowed himself a short moment to just rest his head against the doorframe.
He's back to baby talk… 'Kashi drinks what Ruka drinks…'It'd be cute if he wasn't a good four years older than me, if he wasn't a grown man. If he was faking this. But he's not, is he? Kakashi's going back to a time when things were alright, a time when he didn't hurt all the time. Part of me wishes I didn't have to drag him back to reality…
After filling the kettle and setting two cups out, Iruka returned to the bedroom. A little anxious, as he wasn't entirely sure what Kakashi was up to right now. All this time, he'd kept humming, but there had been no sound from the bedroom at all. Not that that was so unusual, but still. Rounding the corner, Iruka had to remind himself to breathe.
I'm quite sure he's not trying to hang himself again… Last time he got too frustrated with the lack of a place to tie the rope on. Besides, there's no weapons there, Gai checked. He never misses anything, so relax. Relax. Breathe. Relax.
"Ruka!" Sitting cross-legged on the bed, the silver-haired man looked up, a joyous tone in his voice.
"Eh… Hey Kashi," Smiling a little, Iruka waved at him.
Okay… So this is new…
"Ruka, Ruka, Ruka," Jumping up, the older man all but skipped over to him, hugging him tight.
Eh… This would be around… Five years old? Right, so… We're just going to go with it, I guess…
Hugging back, Iruka gently maneuvered the both of them back to the bed, pushing Kakashi down before sitting down as well.
"Ruka, look!" Kakashi's hands moved too quick to really see, but he was definitely forming the seals for some kind of jutsu. Iruka's eyes widened, and made sure to be on guard. But when a little 'poof' announced the arrival of Paccun, Iruka calmed down again.
"Yes Kashi, I see. Very good!" Leaning over to the little pug, he whispered, "Go with it, will you?"
"Go with what?" Frowning, he jumped on Kakashi's lap, letting out a small squeal when his little body was all but crushed by Kakashi's 'loving' hug, "Hey, Iruka! Help me out here!"
But the sensei could only blink, trying to contain his laughter. The little pug had been lifted of Kakashi's lap, his back pressed up against his master's chest. Strong arms were wrapped around Paccun's belly, all but squeezing the life out of the summon. Short legs panicky, wiggling about.
"Make him let go or I'm leaving!"
Right… Calm down Iruka. This isn't exactly comfortable for poor Paccun…
"Kakashi," His voice a little strict, "You're hurting him like this," Coaxing, he added, "Now let the doggie go…"
The scowl he received from the pug at the mention of 'doggie' was well worth it. Even though Paccun was in a contract with his best friend, the pug would often annoy the living daylights out of the sensei. Digging around in his bed sheets, destroying books. Swearing in front of the kids. 'Doggie' was revenge, simple as that. And it did work, Kakashi loosened his hold on the poor, panting summon. His one eye opened wide, looking innocent like a child's, "Is Paccun. He's mine…"
"I know, lucky you," Smiling brightly, Iruka got up, "I hear the kettle, Kashi. So I'm going to make our tea now, okay? You try not to hurt Paccun again," Walking away, Iruka couldn't hold back a snicker at the summon's desperate cry.
"Don't leave me alone with him!"
Though he was pretty sure now that everything would be fine if he was gone a little while, Iruka still hurried. It would be cruel to Paccun to just take his time now. After filling the cups though, he reached into the fridge real quick, pulling out a slice of ham. Picking up the cups, he walked back to the bedroom.
Kakashi was teasing the pug, tickling him. All the while asking if Paccun was ticklish. It made Iruka giggle a little, earning him another scornful look from the summon.
Setting the cups down on the desk, Iruka turned to the pair on the bed, "Kashi, why don't you give this to the little doggie? I'm sure he'd like it very much," Beaming at Paccun, he handed over the treat. Clearly undecided between accepting the treat and telling the sensei off, Paccun frowned a little, but in the end he apparently decided to play 'good doggie', even giving Kakashi a paw before devouring the slice of ham. After that however, he told Iruka he was on his own again before disappearing in a puff of smoke. Kakashi pouted, but Iruka quickly distracted him with the tea. Handing the silver-haired man one cup and taking the other before sitting down on the bed again.
Kakashi frowned, "Ruka… I'm not thirsty…"
And so he's back to being the whiney version again…
He almost sighed, "You promised me you'd drink it, Kakashi."
His head shot up, an incredulous look on the older man's face, "I did?"
"Yes, if I gave you the same thing I had, you said you would drink it. And I have tea too, see?" Holding up his own cup, he made a mock toast, "To teatime, right Kakashi?"
Blinking, he stared before raising his own cup, his tone dejected, "To teatime…"
So they toasted, blew on the hot tea and drank together. Kakashi didn't say another word the whole time, but at least he seemed to cheer up just a little. Iruka kept telling him funny stories – anything he could think of. The kids at work, a funny mix-up at the doctor's office, a scene he'd witnessed in the store – anything. Anything and everything in hopes of making Kakashi smile once more. Even a slight twitch of lips was something worth celebrating.
It was working though, even if he'd run out of new stories to tell about an hour ago and was now simply recycling them. Kakashi didn't really notice anyway. His attention span was about five minutes at best, but it didn't matter. There was just a little more life in the guy. Iruka would do just about anything for that, and repeating himself was something he was used to anyway. Had to be, working with children.
Eventually though, his hoarse voice stopped working entirely. Outside, the moon was slowly being overtaken by the first rays of sunlight. And when Kakashi suddenly yawned, Iruka decided that enough was enough. Forcing his voice to work just a little longer, he gave his friend a warm smile, "Kashi, time for bed."
"I don't want to…"
As expected…
"Why not?"
"The dreams will come back… Please Ruka, don't make me sleep…" A single tear formed in that one grey eye, and Iruka felt his heart break for what must be the millionth time.
"I'll stay here, Kashi. You just go to sleep and when the bad dreams come, I will wake you up."
"Promise?" He sounded so scared, so utterly terrified.
Iruka sighed softly, resigning himself to a night on Kakashi's spare futon. Doing just about anything but sleeping.
Thank god tomorrow's Saturday. Wait, today is Saturday.
"I promise," Gently pushing the older man down, he pulled up the sheets.
"Ruka stays?"
"I'm staying, yes," Automatically correcting the man's grammar, he smiled a little.
I should really learn how to turn 'Iruka-sensei' off sometimes…
"Ruka stays here?"
"Yes, Kashi. I'm going to grab the futon from under your bed and stay right here, okay?"
Suddenly, he frowned, "No!" Quickly sitting up, Kakashi wrapped his arms around the younger man's waist, pulling him back to lay next to him. Reaching out, he pulled the blanket over both of them, a content smile on his face, "Ruka stays here."
Chuckling a little, he softly shook his head, "Alright… I'll stay right here, Kashi."
Well… There's a first time for everything, isn't there?
As Kakashi snuggled up to him a little more, Iruka pulled a little face.
Right… Two grown men snuggling up in a single bed… Nothing wrong with that, I guess. But, eh… This feels a little weird nonetheless…
But as Kakashi's breathing slowly evened out, Iruka decided that however 'weird' this felt, he would put up with it.
Kakashi obviously feels safer this way, and what's a little awkward touching between friends, right? I'm just going to try and get some sleep, at least when he's holding on to me like this, I won't have to stay awake to ward off the nightmares. If – no, when they come, I will feel it.
Yawning, Iruka closed his eyes, drifting off to sleep…
XOXOX
Waking up, Iruka slowly became aware of a very unfamiliar feeling. Slowly opening his eyes, he took a few moments to remember where the hell he was in the first place.
Kakashi's. His… Eh… Bed. Right, he was scared last night – well, this morning. And he… Pulled me down next to him. And then he snuggled up to me. Which is why his arms are still around me. And why I can feel his breath against my neck. Gosh, this feels weird. But, eh… Okay, so if his arms are basically around my chest, and his head is resting on my shoulder… I can feel one leg beside me, his knee is kind of poking me but that's not really the issue at hand here… Because… Eh… That's got to be his other leg then, right? Yeah, that's bound to be Kakashi's right leg. And it's, eh… Moving a little… Which, you know, that's fine but, eh… Somehow this is making morning wood feel extremely awkward…
Swallowing, Iruka tried to move, but the older man's hold on him proved too strong. Kakashi only tightened his grip, his sleepy voice mumbling, "Lay still…"
Yeah… I don't think so, Kakashi… I know you're not as bad as people think, but right now you're totally rubbing your leg against my dick, and this is not really a good position for me to be in. Eh… That just sounded dirty, didn't it? Good heavens! This has to end before it gets any more embarrassing!
"Kakashi, let go of me please."
"Hmmm? Ruka…?"
Sighing, he tried again, that man sounded way too sleepy – somewhere in the back of his head, Iruka wondered if maybe this was all an act after all, "Kakashi! Let. Me. Go. Now please."
Blinking, Kakashi opened his eyes. Then quickly closed his left eye, "Ruka? What…? Uh…" Blinking once more, he pulled back, all but pressing himself against the wall, "What… What happened, Iruka? I…" Swallowing thickly, he pushed himself up on one elbow, "I did it again, didn't I? That's why you're here? But… But Iruka… This, eh… I mean…" He swallowed again, his tone a sounding a little whiney as the confused man tried to make sense of this unexpected and most likely unwelcome situation, "My bed…"
Iruka tried to get out of the bed while inconspicuously hiding the effects of Kakashi's deep slumber, but even as he did so, he realized it was to no avail.
"Iruka…" He chuckled lightly, "You're dragging the blanket with you…"
"Eh, yeah, eh… Sorry," Quickly throwing the blanket back, he turned on his heels, "I, eh… Gotta hit the can," Swallowing, he moved fast, but Kakashi was faster.
Grabbing his best friend's wrist, he tugged gently, "Iruka… I, eh… I'm not sure what exactly happened here, but whatever it is, I'm sorry, okay? I didn't mean to make you uncomfortable or anything…"
"You're not, well… Maybe a little," He conceded softly, still refusing to look at him, to turn his body to face him, "But eh, let go now Kakashi."
"Wait," Suddenly, Kakashi grinned, pulling a little harder on the sensei's arm. As Iruka saw no choice but to drop back on the bed, Kakashi chuckled again, "Now I get it…"
"Kakashi… Please…" Bright red, he tried to pull loose, but Kakashi's hand wouldn't budge.
"Say, eh… Iruka…?"
"What?"
"Eh… Do you… I mean… Are you upset with me for, eh… You know, you sleeping here?"
The brunette frowned, "No… I'm a little upset about you not letting go of my arm though…"
"Right… But eh… D'you… I mean… This was bad, right?"
Sighing, Iruka finally looked at his friend. Kakashi was a little paler than usual, nervously biting his lip, a small frown on his brow, "You're my best friend, Kashi… And you were scared to go to sleep. I don't really mind keeping you company."
"Right… So, eh… It's not super awkward 'cause it's two guys, right?"
"No… It's super awkward because you're not letting go of me," Finally pulling his arm free, Iruka made a dash for the bathroom.
What the hell…? What was that all about…?