AUTHORS NOTE: Another one set way before `Hidden Feelings, Hidden Lives´ actually starts off. Another story about friendship and trust. And basically just a long side note to distract you all from waiting around for chapter 100 ;)

Thank you so much, Letsrandom321, for filling in for my Beta during this hectic time. You're amazing and I can only hope that someday I can return the favor ^,^

I will take request for side notes throughout the main story, if there's a moment you feel like you've missed, let me know in either the reviews of by dropping me a note. I make no promises, but I'll consider every prompt ^.^

XOXOX

Side notes to
Hidden Feelings, Hidden Lives

XOXOX

Addition to the facts about the friendship between Kakashi Hatake and Maito Gai.
Drabble title: It's The Reality Of You And Me

XOXOX

Taking a deep breath, he knocked on the worn wood of Kakashi Hatake's door. Only seconds later, the door was hastily opened, but no-one was there. A sad smile played around his lips.
It's like that again, then…

Stepping inside, he could just see Iruka disappearing into the bedroom, hear the younger man's voice as he mumbled soothing words. He could hear Kakashi crying softly. Letting out a quiet sigh, he ridded himself of his sandals, first walking into the kitchen to hang his flack vest over the back of one of the kitchen chairs.
He should really put up a coat rack or something. Or even just a hook. I know he keeps his own flack vest on the hook in the bedroom, but when he is like this we cannot bring anything potentially dangerous near his person.

Smiling a little sadly at the sight of Kakashi's own flack vest, hurriedly thrown over the same chair, Gai sighed once more before walking over to the bedroom.

As soon as he entered, Iruka looked up at him with tears in his eyes. Kakashi was pinned down on the bed by the younger man, currently only restrained by threats of disappointment on Iruka's side, even though the sensei's body hovered over the jounin.

"You have to get to work, Iruka. I will take over here," Walking in, he sat himself down on the desk chair, watching as the brunette climbed off the bed.

"He's…" Looking over at the silver-haired man, Iruka sighed, "He tried to stab himself again, Gai… I have no idea where he found the tanto… It's over there now," He gestured toward the foot of the bed where the weapon lay on the ground, "I'm going to take it with me. Also… He hasn't eaten yet, refuses to. And I just couldn't…" Taking a deep breath, he wiped a hand over weary eyes.

To Gai, it was clear the younger man hadn't slept at all last night. The dark bags under his eyes and his slumped posture only two of the many signs, "Are you alright, Iruka?" His tone was even, even though he was concerned about the man. But if he let that creep into his voice, Kakashi would react. The taijutsu master knew this, he just never knew exactly how his best friend would react. Maybe he would start crying again, maybe he'd have a fit of anger. Maybe he would try to kill himself again.
Better not find out.

For the moment, Kakashi lay limp on the bed. Spread-eagled and staring up at the ceiling. His breathing was even, though shallow. The pattern all too familiar to Gai. Shinobi used this breathing pattern to deal with intense pain; He'd heard Kakashi use it in his own home more times than he'd care to remember.

"I'll be okay, Gai," Blinking, Iruka tiredly swayed on his legs for a moment, but managed to stabilize himself, "I'll be back after work, okay?"

"No," He almost chuckled at the sensei's shocked expression, "You are going home after work. You are going to sleep. I will stay here. Do not worry, Iruka. I can deal with him. You are exhausted, it would be too dangerous to leave you alone with him."

"Maybe…" Swallowing hard, he closed his eyes for a brief second, "I have to go. Please try to see if you can get him to eat something, I…" He sighed, "Please. He drinks, if you order him to. But he hasn't eaten all day yesterday. I just…"

"Could not bring yourself to force him. I know, Iruka. It is hard. I will make sure he eats, please do not worry. And I do not want to see you here again until morning. Preferably later. Just go home and rest up."

Nodding solemnly, the sensei left with the tanto, leaving Gai alone with the seeminglyapathetic copy ninja. The taijutsu master rose to his feet, his voice commanding, "Alright, Kakashi," A wry smile played around Gai's lips, "Get up. Now," There was no response to his order, and Gai wished once again that he knew what was bothering his friend so much. But he would most likely never know, so he might as well accept it, "Hatake! Attention!"

Like a lifeless puppet, the silver-haired man rose from the bed. Standing to attention before Gai, before blinking, a whiny tone in his anger-laced voice, "Gai! Stop doing that!"

He shook his head, but his tone was considerably softer, "Never, my friend. No so long as you insist on keeping your friends from truly helping you. Now, you need to eat."

"Tsch!" Dropping himself to sit on the bed, Kakashi glared up at the other man, "No."

"Yes, you do. Do you want Iruka to worry? Do you want Konoha to mourn your death?"

He looked away, out the window, "You guys'll get over it. Everyone dies. Let me go, Gai."

"Never. I'd sooner give my life than let you take your own."

"I hate you."

Slowly closing his eyes, Gai sunk back down on the chair.
The most hurtful thing he can say – and he says it too often. Iruka cannot really deal with him when he is like this. I can. I just… Have to force myself a little right now. It has been a while. Which is a good thing, but somehow I always seem to forget how to close myself off to his angry depressions as time passes.

"You go ahead. See if I care. Where did you get the tanto, Kakashi?"

"Tsch!" He scoffed, frowning as he kept staring out the window, "Like I'd tell you…"

"You're right, you would not. Which is why I am going over every inch of this place again. If you will not tell me where you keep them, I will have to search for your weaponry.

A foul look was thrown his way, "Don't you dare."

Gai simply shrugged, getting up and walking over to the built-in-closet at the foot of the bed. Out of the corner of his eye, he could see Kakashi tense up, see how the grey eye widened, "I'll kill you if you open that, Gai."

He ignored the voice that seemed made of ice, reaching out to open the closet door before swiftly bringing his arm up, blocking the fist he'd been anticipating, "That's not going to work, Kakashi…" He sighed, grabbing the other's wrists and moving them behind Kakashi's back, "You are not going to win this fight. You are malnourished, tired and not able to concentrate. Now sit back down. Do not make me hurt you."

Kakashi didn't seem to listen, struggling to break free. Shaking his head in frustration, Gai saw no choice but to tighten his hold on his best friend, making him hiss in pain, "Just fucking kill me then!"

"Never. Now stop struggling."

But Kakashi wouldn't. His back to Gai, his arms twisted painfully far, he still tried to fight the hold that the spandex clad jounin had on him. Trying to turn his body, Kakashi attempted a roundhouse kick, but again Gai had anticipated this, "Do I need to knock you out again or are you going to stop this yourself?"

"Fuck you!"

Growling, he tried to break free once more, but Gai had had enough. Sighing in defeat, he quickly hit the back of Kakashi's neck, catching the falling man in his arms. He lifted his best friend, carefully placing the unconscious body on the bed, muttering, "I'm sorry Kakashi… I am so sorry for this…" Taking a moment to collect himself again, Gai studied the once again limb form of the man he had called his friend and rival for so many years.

Walking over to the closet once more, he opened the door without hesitation. Knowing that Iruka would do just about anything not to have to rummage through this closet, Gai knew that it was up to him. This was most likely where Kakashi'd gotten the tanto. Iruka had surely checked the rest of the room. But not the closet, never the closet. More weapons were stored here, he knew. But the closet held other things as well. Clothes, towels, bed sheets. But also many less innocent items were held here. Whips, paddles, and things that Gai could not name so quickly were also neatly placed on the shelves. Iruka'd opened this closet once, searching for something in particular but after the younger man had stumbled across the collection held on this particular side of the closet, he'd nearly had a heart attack. Gai chuckled lightly, it had never bothered him as much. But somehow Iruka seemed persistent in his believe of this perfect picture of the silver-haired man. Even if that picture was proven false every time they would take shifts here like they did today.
I wonder why Iruka refuses to see the truth, it is not as if Kakashi is hurting anyone just by owning these things. And yes, I realize he uses them as well, but… That does not mean the man is deranged or dangerous –
He shot a look over to the bed.
Well, he is both. But that has nothing to do with the things he owns. I do not understand why Iruka fears this. Kakashi is neither innocent, nor pure – no shinobi is. But he is not a monster. And implying that he is simply because of the items he keeps inside his closet is… Narrow-minded.

Quickly sifting through the contents, he found a couple of kunai, about half a dozen senbon and another tanto hidden in between the folded clothes and sheets. These were the weapons that Kakashi would go for in his current state, not any of the other stuff.
Though, if I am honest… They would make pretty decent weaponry. But Kakashi does not think like that, for which I am glad. I will simply stick these weapons back into the storage chest, slap a binding tag on and all will be safe. I will undo the bind again once Kakashi is acting rationally once more.
A chuckle shook the man.
Or as rational as he gets, at least.

As he opened the chest on the floor of the closet, Gai didn't look inside, simply dropping the once-hidden weapons in there. The first time he had checked this apartment for weapons, after Kakashi's first suicide attempt – He was grateful that Iruka had not been around that time, and that he had been able to warn the sensei for such behavior before he'd ever encountered it – Kakashi had begged him to leave the chest alone. The contents were private, even more so than the right side of the closet. Gai shrugged, so long as he could lock it off for now, he had no reason to go through Kakashi's personal things.

When he finished locking away everything in this room that his friend could use to hurt himself, Gai checked on the unconscious form of the copy ninja. He would be out cold for a little while longer, so he decided to go over to the kitchen and see what he could make for the man. Something that would be easy to keep down. Gai knew that Iruka had probably not noticed this, but Kakashi had clearly gone without food for a lot longer than just yesterday. Possibly as long as a week. He sighed softly, wishing once more that there was more that he could do for his best friend.

XOXOX

Kakashi stirred, groaning a little. Gai's smile was soft and a little sad, "I am sorry, my friend. How bad is the head ache?"

"I'll live," He sat up, muttering, "Unfortunately…"

Deciding to ignore the last statement, Gai reached behind him, grabbing the bowl he had placed on the desk, "You need to eat, Kakashi."

Frowning, he looked at him, sounding a little annoyed, "No I don't. Stop babying me. I'm fine, Gai. I'm not even hungry."

"Only because you have not eaten for days. Your metabolism has stopped. You need to eat, Kakashi."

"You think that if you keep repeating yourself often enough I'm going to agree with you?" Rubbing the back of his skull, he glared at the man sitting on his chair, "I get why people call you stupid. It's 'cause you are."

Shrugging, Gai let the comment slide off. He knew that if Kakashi would remember these things later, he would regret them to no end: It wasn't how he really felt after all, just another defense mechanism, "Still. You are going to eat."

"So you change from 'need to' to 'gonna' and think that's going to change anything?" Sarcastically, he looked up at him, "Idiot."

"So you refuse, then?" Gai sighed quietly.
So you will compel me to force you once more?

"See?" Kakashi's tone was getting increasingly colder, "Moron."

"You leave me no choice, Kakashi," Getting up, he sat back down beside the copy ninja, "Take that mask of your face before I rip it to shreds again."

"Drop dead," Looking away, he frowned.

"Have it your way, then," Reaching out quickly, he did as promised, ripping yet another of Kakashi's face masks. Gai never liked having to do this, knowing how important the mask was to his friend, knowing exactly how much money Kakashi would have to spend in order to replace this one. They were special ordered after all. But he also knew that if he tried to do this gently, like Iruka seemed to manage, he would end up with broken fingers. Kakashi would never hurt Iruka, but apparently Gai was fair game in his mind.
Though that may just be because I am here through his violent outbursts, and Iruka is here for the whiney Kakashi that I cannot deal with. We have found a way that works, however messed up it may look from the outside…

Picking up the spoon, he scooped up some of the porridge before remembering something. Using his foot to drag the chair out of Kakashi's reach, he sat the bowl down on the wooden seat. After, he turned back to Kakashi. The silver-haired man regarded him with an angry expression, but a fearful look in his eye. He knew what was coming next, and neither Kakashi nor Gai liked this.

"I'll give you one more chance to just open your mouth, Kakashi. You know I will force you if I have to, but I don't particularly want to do that. So I give you one more chance."

"Go fuck your mother," Frowning, he looked away again.

Another insult. Colorful, I must admit. More so than I've come to expect at least, but still… It doesn't really bother me all that much. What bothers me, is having to do this to him again…
Reaching out, his free hand gripped Kakashi's chin tightly, forcing his lips apart before shoving the spoon in. Then he forcefully kept the silver-haired man's mouth closed, "Swallow. Don't make me do that to you."

All he got for his troubles was an angry glare. So he reached out again, but just before Gai could execute his threat, Kakashi swallowed. He could feel his friend shaking violently, trying to pull away. Trying his best to ignore that, Gai scooped up another spoonful, repeating the process all over again with pain in his heart.

Eventually, the bowl was empty. Kakashi was trembling, crying softly. Feeling like the most horrible person in the world, Gai finally let go of his best friend's face, feeling a sharp pang in his chest as he noticed the fresh set of bruises.
It could not be helped. I know that, but this still hurts. It hurts so much that I am beginning to doubt if I can ever do it again. Every time it gets harder to do this to him. Every time I feel worse. I am sorry, Kakashi. I am so sorry. But I cannot just let you die. I cannot even turn you over to the medical core; They would surely admit you. You would never be placed back on active duty again. Shinobi with less issues than you have been forced to retire. But this life is all you know, and you have told me several times that despite all the hardships, you do not want to give it up. I cannot blame you for that, my friend. And so I will do what I can to help you, even if that means I have to torture you like this.

Kakashi had crawled back on the bed, as far away from Gai as the situation allowed. Curled into himself as best he could, the man sobbed quietly. Swallowing, Gai watched him cry. Knowing that right now, he could not touch him. Right now, he could not help him. Right now, he could do nothing but wait. Pushing the chair back in his rightful place using his foot, he leaned over and put the bowl on the desk. Even though Kakashi would probably like him to, he did not want to leave his friend alone like this. No, Gai would simply wait it out. Again.
There is no telling how long this will last. But after, he is going to need me. There may be very little that I can actually do, but I will do whatever I can to help him. No matter what. My best friend, my eternal rival, I call you 'cool' and 'hip'. And you are. When you are not reduced to a sobbing heap of misery. I miss you Kakashi. I miss the boy that I chased around all day, trying to get him to accept my challenge. I miss the young man that would stand up for me against his friends. Even though I did not need your protection, it was always such a good feeling to hear that you did not agree with them. That you were willing to risk damage to your own reputation just by being my friend. Back then, reputations meant something to us. We were barely more than children after all. Thirteen, fourteen years old. Of course, you have never had the chance to be a child. I still had something resembling a childhood, I had caring parents where you had the orphan's allowance. I never was jealous of your 'freedom' like so many others were, though I never pitied you either. I know you've always appreciated that, but… Do you know that I have pity for you the way you are now, my friend? Do you realize how hard this is for both Iruka and me? I know we downplay it when you ask, we have to. You would never allow us back in if we didn't. I fear that one day you will succeed, Kakashi. I fear that one day I – or even worse, Iruka – will find your corpse here. There is not a thing that scares me more.

"Gai…?" Swallowing his tears, he looked up. Still huddled up, with fear on his face, Kakashi's voice was trembling lightly, so quiet that his best friend could barely make out the words, "Are you angry?"

"No, Kakashi. I have no reason to be angry with you. I simply wish the situation was different," Sighing softly, Gai turned on the bed slightly. Placing on knee on the bed, he turned his body to his friend.

"Me too… I'm sorry, Gai. I'm quite the handful, no?" A small smile tucked at the corners of Kakashi's mouth, the fear slowly dissipating as his body relaxed just a little.

Gai smiled warmly, "Sometimes."

"Yeah…" Gai could see the man swallow thickly, literally pushing the words out, "Thank you Gai. I know I should eat. I just…" He sighed, "I want to die…"

"I know. I wish I could help you."

"You can't. I can't tell you about it."

"I know. I wish that was different too."

"Yeah…"

Looking away, Kakashi fell silent once more. But this silence was a contemplative one. The silver-haired man was lost in thought, and even though those thoughts were most likely not very happy, he was calm now. Something Gai appreciated immensely. Almost an hour passed as the two friends sat in silence.

"Gai… I didn't tell Iruka. He would worry, but…"Again he fell silent, taking a good five minutes to continue, "I think… It's probably infected, Gai…" Looking down he evaded his friend's warm eyes.

"Where, Kakashi?"

Another few minutes passed, "My back… I messed up."

"Can I see?"

Kakashi swallowed, but didn't reply. Gai just waited patiently, if Kakashi needed time, he would grant him that. Almost ten minutes passed, but suddenly Kakashi moved. Shifting until he sat on the edge of the bed, his back to Gai. Slowly, he lifted his undershirt, taking it off. Bunching up the fabric in his hands, his head dropped, "I'm sorry…"

"I know. But I don't blame you, Kakashi," Carefully he studied the fresher marks on the pale skin. Taking care not to touch the man, "When, Kakashi?"

"I don't remember…" He whispered, nervously gripping the shirt in his lap.

"It doesn't matter. I'll have to clean it, though. I'll need to touch you."

Kakashi nodded, but before Gai could get up to grab the first-aid kit, the silver-haired man whispered again, "Is it bad?"

"Not really. I'm getting the kit now, okay?"

Kakashi only nodded again, looking glum.

When Gai returned from the kitchen, his friend hadn't moved. Sitting back down behind him, Gai took another moment to study the wounds on Kakashi's back. Some of them certainly were showing signs of infection. So he decided to just clean everything thoroughly, "I'm going to start now."

Kakashi nodded again, tightly holding on to his ruined shirt. As Gai worked as quickly as he could, methodically cleaning every cut, every scrape, Kakashi stayed as quiet as he could. But every now and then a hiss of pain would escape his lips. Gai tried not to pay attention to it, they both knew this needed to be done. When he had finished cleaning Kakashi's back, bandaging up the worst wounds, Gai softly inquired if there were any other placed he needed to check. But Kakashi shook his head a little, quietly asking if Gai could hand him another shirt.

"Which one?"

A small shrug, "Something loose, I guess. I shouldn't put pressure on my back right now… And I don't really want you to rip another one of these…"Kakashi let out a soft noise that almost sounded like a little chuckle. Smiling softly, Gai turned to the closet.

Taking out a faded, black T-shirt, he handed it to Kakashi without forcing the other man to see him. Standing behind Kakashi, he reached over his shoulder, dropping the fabric in Kakashi's lap, "Here you go, is this alright?"

Another quiet nod, and Kakashi quickly put on the shirt. Getting to his feet, he kept his gaze on the floor as he moved around Gai. Following his friend, Gai realized that Kakashi was on his way to the kitchen. Mentally preparing himself to act should his friend attempt to take either his own or Gai's flack vest, he seemed completely calm.

"Would you please stop following me around?"

He almost smiled, retorting, "Would you please just ask me to do whatever it is you have on your mind?"

Turning into the kitchen, Kakashi sighed softly, "You're worried I'll grab a kunai or something from your flack vest."

"Or from your own."

Kakashi only sighed again, walking over to the trashcan to drop his ripped undershirt in it. Halting with the shirt just above the trashcan, he frowned before turning. Stuffing the shirt in the laundry bag that was next to the bathroom door instead, "Rags. I can still use it after I wash it."

"Yes, you can," Gai suppressed a chuckle.
Of course he wouldn't just throw it out. Kakashi never just throws something out.

Kakashi frowned again, leaning over the laundry bag a little. It was stuffed full and for a moment, the silver-haired looked like the was a little confused. Straightening his back, he leaned his shoulder against the wall, staring off into the distance for a good fifteen minutes. Gai knew better than to interrupt him, instead walking over to the counter and filling a glass with water. He calmly drank, studying his friend's slightly annoyed expression.

"Stop staring."

Suppressing another chuckle, Gai bowed his head slightly in acknowledgement of the rectification, but he didn't speak. Kakashi clearly wasn't ready for him to speak yet.

Eventually, Kakashi's eye regained its focus, and he frowned at the laundry bag again, his tone stunned as he seemed to ask himself when the last time was he'd gone outside. Gai only shrugged, not wanting to make a sound but somehow wanting to answer anyway. Kakashi threw him a frustrated look, "What day is it, Gai?"

"Tuesday. Our last challenge was two weeks ago to the day."

Kakashi blinked, muttering quietly, "Crap. I lost almost two weeks… How long's this been standing here…? When was the last time I cleaned up here…? The challenge with Gai… Something about weightlifting… Doesn't matter now. My back hurt, and… I went home… Hot springs the next day… Came home… There was… I don't… Remember… Something went wrong, and… I tried to stop it… Went to the market and… Somewhere… Wait," He blinked, "Why didn't I just go to Ruka's? Gai was out… But Ruka was right here! Damnit!" Furious with himself, he looked up at Gai, but then he suddenly slumped back against the wall again, "Right… Iruka," A wry smile settled on his face and he started muttering again, "Stupid idiot… Should've done something… Should've just done something… Can't… Damnit… I promised him!" Frowning, he pushed off the wall, starting back to the bedroom. Gai simply followed.

He watched Kakashi drop himself to sit on the edge of the bed, dropping his head in his hands. Sitting down on the chair once more, Gai remained quiet. Talking now would only serve to make Kakashi feel worse. Right now, his friend needed to be allowed to pretend he was alone. Even if it was pretty much impossible to ignore Gai's presence. An hour passed, and Kakashi was still muttering. His voice so quiet that Gai could only make out one or two words every couple of minutes.

"Moron… No more… Fuck it… Alone… Can't go back… Bloody… No way… Monstrous… Hurt him…" Suddenly he looked up, a torn look on his face as he yelled at Gai, "I hurt him!"

Gai took a calming breath, "Iruka can take it, Kakashi."

"That's not what I –…" Kakashi swallowed, murmuring, "Yeah, you're right…"

A light frown settled on the taijutsu master's face, "Who were you talking about, Kakashi?"

"Hmmm?" Looking up again, he pulled his face into an innocent expression, "Iruka of course. But you're right Gai, he can take it."

Gai sighed, "Right… Well, at least you're feeling good enough to pretend again…"A wry expression adorned his face, but Kakashi didn't seem to notice, "You should probably get some fluids in, my friend."

"Yeah, whatever…" He sounded distracted, gazing out the window once more.

Taking a deep breath, Gai tried to ease his own frustration, "What do you want?"

"Death," Suddenly he looked up, shocked, "Eh… Tea. I meant tea," Seeing that his friend clearly wasn't buying it, Kakashi sighed softly, "I'm sorry, Gai. I just… Sorry."

"Be honest with me, Kakashi. Can I leave you alone right now?"

"With you in the kitchen?" There was a resigned tone in his voice.

Gai nodded, worrying the inside of his lip a little nervously as Kakashi seemed to need time to contemplate the question.

"Yeah… Probably. I won't…" A sad smile played across his face, "I can't make any promises, Gai. But I think it'll be alright…"

"Right… I will just have to accept that, then," He got up to make the tea, feeling a little worried despite Kakashi's words. Or maybe because of them. If his best friend couldn't say for sure whether or not he would hurt himself… That was pretty bad.

After putting the kettle on, Gai quickly set out two cups before doubling back to the bedroom. A little anxious as to what he might find there, he did his best to keep his face neutral. In the doorway, Gai halted, sighing quietly.

Kakashi was pacing, his fists slamming into his hips every other step he took. Muttering words that Gai could not make out, Kakashi's face was a canvas upon which turmoil was painted in the colors pain, regret and shame.

Walking in, he softly called his friend's name. Kakashi immediately turned to him, a deep frown on his face. Taking a step closer, Gai extended his hand, intending to place it on Kakashi's shoulder. But his arm was roughly pushed aside, his body shoved back.

"Get away from me!"

Taking another step back, he spoke in a soft tone, "Kakashi, please tell me what is on your mind."

"Shut up!" Falling to his knees, he cradled his head in his hands, "Just shut up. You don't know anything! Just go, leave me the hell alone!"

"You know that I won't, my friend," Still he spoke softly. His tone as even as he could manage, trying his best to hide his pain at Kakashi's words, his obvious hurt.

Kakashi's breathing was shallow but loud, his body trembling as he whispered, "I'm a monster… Go away, Gai. You're better off that way…"

"I am not. You are my best friend, I will not leave you alone like this."

"You don't know what I did, Gai…" He whispered.

"It doesn't matter. We're both monsters, Kakashi. There is nothing that you have done that I would not given the same circumstances. You know that. We live this life, and it demands sacrifices. But there is one sacrifice that I will not allow you to make, my friend –"

"What?" A humorless chuckle shook the silver-haired man, and he looked up with the most sullen expression that Gai had ever seen on his face, "My sanity? Too late, Gai…"

"I disagree. Though I meant your life."

"It's gone already – I'm nothing. Kill me and get it over with, will you? Or just go so I can do it myself…" He looked away again, his body slumping until he curled into himself once more.

Gai took a deep breath, but just couldn't do it anymore. Yanking open the closet door, he began pulling out a clean uniform, throwing the items on the bed, "Get dressed Kakashi, or so help me I will drag you out of here like that!"

Stunned, the man looked up at him, "Where…? Why…? I don't… Understand…"

"Doesn't matter. You have five minutes!" Crossing his arms before his chest, Gai set his legs a little apart, watching as his friend slowly scrambled back on his feet.

"Gai… You've never…" Blinking, he stared at the taijutsu master.

"Four minutes, Kakashi. You want that face of yours on the sprawled on the front page of tomorrow's paper?"

"N-no," He frowned, but then a whiney tone crept in his voice, "Why won't you tell me where you're taking me?"

"You'll see soon enough. Three minutes."

Kakashi was obviously scared now, hurrying to change into his regular clothes, buttoning up his shirt, he looked up, "No way you're going to let me wear my flack vest, is there…?"

Without a word, Gai reached into the closet once more, pulling out Kakashi's old flack vest. There were several tears in the thing, carefully patched up by the copy ninja. He threw it on the bed, "That one's empty. Wear that."

As Kakashi thanked him in a tiny voice, Gai softly shook his head.
Appearances mean more to him than anyone would ever guess. Strange that he cares so much about wearing his flack vest, appearing as a jounin in perfect control, while at the same time begging me to kill him… But I won't. I never will.

Turning, Gai made for the kitchen to grab his own flack vest. As he made for the door, he noticed that Kakashi had not followed him. He smiled briefly.
Right… I know what you are scared of, my friend. Do not worry, I would not do that to you. No matter how bad the situation, I would not do that to you. I promised you, did I not?

Kakashi had sunken back down on the edge of the bed, trying to make himself as small as possible, his voice trembled, barely rising above a whisper, "You're going to take me to the hospital after all, aren't you?"

"Kakashi…" He sighed, "I made you a promise, did I not?"

"People break their promises all the time. No-one actually cares about them…"

"I do," Reaching out, he gently took hold of Kakashi's arm, "Come with me, my friend."

"You think I'm beyond help, don't you Gai?" Unmoving, he still spoke quietly.

"I choose to believe that is not true. Come," Tugging gently, he was pleasantly surprised to find his friend cooperating. As Kakashi rose to his feet, Gai let go again, "Come on, Kakashi. We're going for a walk."

"No."

"No?" Blinking, he regarded his friend, "You got dressed, I promised you once more that I would not leave you at the mercy of the medical ninja, you got up, and now you're saying no?"

"Correct."

"Kakashi…" He sighed again.

"Tell me where you want to take me."

"You'll see when we get there."

"Not good enough."

For a moment, Gai closed his eyes.
I got him this far, it will work. Just… Be patient, Gai. Be patient with him…
"There is someone that needs to talk to you."

"Who?"

Another sigh, "Minato Namikaze."

"Minato-sensei is dead."

Gai shrugged, "Never stopped you before, now did it?"

Kakashi stayed quiet for a few minutes. But then turned to the door, a thoughtful tone in his voice as he muttered, "Maybe he'll finally allow me to join them…"

XOXOX

As they came to the memorial stone, Gai stopped walking. An appropriate distance from the stone and where Kakashi usually stood, he waited. The silver-haired man easily stepped past him, walking up to the stone. His hand briefly touched the names of those that had given their life in service to the village, those that he missed so much. Gai knew this to be part of the ritual, he knew better than anyone how often Kakashi spoke to those who had departed this earth before him. Usually, his friend would sneak out before dawn, coming here to speak to his friends and sensei before returning to his apartment. Before the sun even began her ascent, Kakashi would be back in bed. Pretending for the world that he had been here all along. No-one saw him go, no-one saw him come back. But he would be here almost every day.

Kakashi stood still, speaking in his mind to those that would hear him. Gai simply waited. An hour passed. Still, Gai waited. Still, Kakashi spoke silently. Another hour, and the sun began to set. But Gai waited as Kakashi conversed in silence.Dusk settled, and finally the silver-haired man turned back to him. Tears streaked his face, pooled on the edge of the mask before seeping into the fabric, "I want to go home, Gai…"

Nodding, he walked up to his friend, resting his hand on Kakashi's shoulder for a moment, "Then we're going back."

"Yeah… Say Gai?"

"Yes?"

"Thank you. You were right, I needed this. I can't tell them what I've done, but… I feel a little better now."

A warm smile spread across the taijutsu master's face, "Good. We will get something to eat on the way back, is that alright with you?"

"Let me guess," Some of Kakashi's aplomb seemed to have returned and his eye crinkled for only a second, "What food I had left grew legs and escaped?"

"Saw it run off when I opened the door," Gai winked.

"Let's go eat, then," Eye crinkling just a little, Kakashi cocked his head slightly.

Yes my friend, let's go eat. Let us celebrate that once again you have come back to us. That once again, you have returned from the dark abyss. And let us hope to god that it will last for a while…