John relaxed into the soft cushions of Bo's sofa. The past fifty-nine hours had been hell, but the stress was worth it. Carlo Hesser had been the mastermind behind a sinister plot that involved taking over the Santi family. John had been surprised to find out that Carlo had planned on kidnapping Cris all along. It had just been a lucky coincidence for Carlo that John was using Natalie as bait and that Cris had tagged along.

Cris had been right about his life being in danger. As he slowly stared to recover his lost memories, he started putting the puzzle together. Carlo knew he would be a liability, so he decided to have him eliminated. It had been lucky for John that Layla interfered when she did. Her meddling had saved Cris's life. That and John's crude surgical skills.

John did all he did to protect Cris from harm, but the prisoners had some inside help. Cris ended up with a life-threatening gunshot wound. John had to utilize his almost nonexistent medical skills, and stitched Cris up to the best of his abilities. It was enough to stop the bleeding and get Cris to a safe location.

Looking back at the events, it was a miracle that Cris or John had even survived. Even behind bars Carlo remained a force to be reckoned with. His downfall had been his big mouth. The LPD was now in possession of Carlo's taped confession. He exonerated Cris with his admission that he had Cris brainwashed to do his bidding.

Bo walked into his office and sat down at his desk. John could tell that he was angry, but relieved. All in all, things turned out better than expected. The DA's office was working to have Cris released from prison to at least be home in time for Christmas. "I'm not happy with your methods, but you did some good work."

John only nodded in response. He knew there would be fallout for his choices both personally and professionally. Cris hadn't held a grudge after all. He couldn't turn a blind eye to the way John put himself in danger to save him. The official story would be that John Doe's identity had not been in question until right before the prison riot. Only those close to the Vegas would know the actual story.

Then there was Natalie. She had been there with open arms and a tear streaked face when John had emerged from prison. Her gratitude was short lived once she learned the truth. She slapped both John and Cristian before storming off. John could imagine that she was with her family now, and no doubt trying to figure out what she needed to do next. The two most important men in her life had worked together to deceive her. She loved John, and believed he was her soulmate. She loved Cris too, but she'd spent more time grieving him than actually loving him.

"How's Natalie holding up?" Bo had been too busy catching up on paperwork and doing damage control to check in. He was like a surrogate father to Natalie since Clint wasn't available.

"She's angry, you know, but other than that I can't say. We're not exactly on speaking terms right now. She needs time. I can give her that." John was more honest than he intended.

Bo tapped his hand against his desk and sucked in a deep breath. This wasn't exactly the conversation he wanted to be having. John was his best detective, but his involvement with Natalie had never been a good thing. He hadn't the heart to tell either of them. If they wanted to be together, he would support them, but he couldn't let things remain has they had.

"I know you care about her, John, but enough is enough." Bo stared over at him.

"Don't even go there Bo. Yes, I broke some rules, but tell me you haven't done the same trying to protect people that you care about. I did what I thought was right, and people got hurt. Cris wanted to die when I told him about the DNA results. He threatened to take his own life, and for once I could sympathize with the guy. I wouldn't want the people that I loved to have to watch me rotting away in prison. He didn't want Natalie wasting her life pining over him." John stood and started to pace.

"I can't deny that I have." Bo sighed. His family was high profile and that would always make them targets for trouble. He wouldn't compromise his position, but he would do all that he could to protect the ones he loved. "Thing is that I know at the end of the day I have to answer to my superiors for my actions."

"I can't change the past, and if I could I'm not sure I would. I made a choice, and I'm willing to live with that." John stood with his hands on his hips in front of Bo's desk.

"Then don't take this personally." Bo had spoken with Nora about John's actions. They couldn't punish him openly without his indiscretions being made public, so the Bo had come up with a plan that would hopefully satisfy the mayor and Nora and not be pleasant for John. "I'm mandating that you speak to the IA psychologist. He will need to clear you for field duty."

John glared at Bo, but he wasn't able to hold his tongue. "I don't need a shrink."

"You've been through hell, and I'm not just talking about what just happened in the prison." Bo held up his hand to stop John from interrupting him. "In this most recent incident, you again let your personal feelings guide you, and you made the wrong decision."

"Talking some quack ain't going to make me a better cop. I did what I had to. I protected your niece from a dangerous man. I protected Cris from himself." John was tired of arguing. He already knew there was no way out of this, but he wouldn't go down without a fight.

"This case was bigger than Natalie and Cris and right now you're not seeing that. You've displayed on more than one occasion questionable judgment. This department cannot afford a scandal. I need to know that when you're in the field that you're acting in the best interest of this department and the citizens it's sworn to protect. When you wear that badge, you're putting your personal feelings aside to get the job done. We don't choose the victims. We don't choose the perps. We don't put our fingers on the scale of justice. I think you've lost perspective, and I'm hoping that talking to a professional is all you need to get back on track."

"And what if it's not what you expect?" John had been to a psychologist on only three occasions; once after his father died, once as part of his evaluation for the FBI, and once after his fiancée Caitlyn was murdered. His FBI evaluation had been routine, and he had no trouble passing it. The other two times were hellish. He was raw with emotion and too angry to get any real benefit. One visit was all he needed to pull himself together enough to keep up appearances.

"Then you turn in your gun. I won't have you on the streets acting like a loose cannon." Bo would hate to lose John, but he was starting to become a liability. If he had to, he'd find a way to get things done without him.

John tossed his jacket onto the sofa and sighed. He looked around his apartment and noted how empty it was. There was a note on the table with John's name on it. He picked it up and walked to his fridge to grab a beer.

John,

I'm still in shock. What the hell were you thinking! You lied and let me believe my husband was dead. Because of you, I was unfaithful to my husband. I don't even know where to go from here. I can't trust you. I can't trust Cris. I can't trust anyone. I don't want you anywhere near me. Don't call or try to come and see me. You can pack my stuff and leave it at the desk with Roxy. We're done!

Nat

John balled up the letter and tossed it into the trash. He could understand Natalie's anger. If she wanted space, she could have it.

Just as he was about to settle in there was a knock at the door. John thought about ignoring it, but the knocking was loud and insistent. He swung the door open and frowned to see his brother on the other side.

"Hey, I thought I would check in with you." Mike looked exhausted. He was called for duty toward the end of the standoff, so he knew John was okay. "Mom's gonna want an update."

John nodded and motioned for him to come in. "You want one?" John held the beer out towards him. Mike shook his head, so John popped the top and took a sip.

Mike sat on the sofa cushion closest to John. It was comforting to be near him. He would never say it, but he constantly worried about John. They had both gone into careers that involved saving people. Only, Mike didn't have to worry about being shot in his line of work.

"You're drinking alone, and you look like shit. What's going on? Where's Natalie?" Mike had to practically pull himself away from Natalie. She promised to call him with an update, but her phone was going directly to voicemail. He decided to check on John himself.

John swallowed hard. He looked over at his brother and sighed. He could lie, but Natalie and Michael weren't on bad terms. She would tell him if John didn't. He might as well tell his side of it. "Gone. She's not coming back."

"Come on, bro. What could you have done in such a short period of time?" Mike nudged him in the shoulder playfully. He knew it had something to do with that John Doe. Natalie was so confused that John would go out of his way to help that guy out. "She still pissed that you went in to save that guy pretending to be Cris?"

"You've always been a sharp one." John took a big sip and finished off the rest of his drink. He thought about getting another one then decided against it. "Problem is that guy wasn't pretending."

Mike looked at him quizzically. "Wait, wait, wait. Guy says he's Cris Vega, kills Tico, tries to kill Antonio. Then after all that he says that he's not Cris and confesses to his crimes. Now he's saying he's Cris again and it sounds like you believe him." Mike shook his head at his brother's stupidity. "If I were Nat, I'd be pissed too. She lost Cris, and this guy pretending to be him is only opening up that same old wound."

"Right before his confession, I obtained his DNA and compared it to Cristian's. He is Cris Vega. There's no doubt about it." John leaned back and stared at the ceiling. "He made me swear to keep his secret. He didn't want his loved ones to know."

Mike's eyes widened. "John, what the? Why would you keep a secret like that? How could you know the truth and be with Natalie?"

John stared at him silently. He wasn't going to get that deep into it with him. "Natalie found out the truth. She doesn't want anything to do with me or with Cris."

Mike wiped his hand down his face. "That's really messed up, John. Really. Messed. Up." Mike knew his brother was probably feeling like crap, but there wasn't anything Mike could say to make him feel better.

They sat in uncomfortable silence for several long minutes. Mike wanted to ask John what he would do about Natalie, but he knew he wouldn't get a straight answer. "This just isn't your year." Mike thought about his failed relationship with Evangeline, and then it dawned on him. He sat slowly and replayed his last interaction her. "She knew, didn't she?" Mike felt a sense of dread building in the pit of his stomach.

John sat up and put his hand to Mike's forehead. "You sick or just hard of hearing?"

Mike slapped his hand away. "Evangeline, she knew."

"No." John spoke quickly. He wouldn't let her name be dirtied with his. "I lied to her too. I knew it wasn't a secret that she could keep."

"Fuck." Mike dropped his head into his hands. He'd been absolutely terrible to her, and again she hadn't deserved it. "I saw her not long after I got word of what happened. She knew what was going on, and she didn't seem the slightest bit concerned. I got mad at her, and I was downright mean to her."

"We're not together, Mike." Hearing him say that made John more than just a little sad. She really had washed her hands of him.

"You don't even know what you've done, John." Mike spoke carefully. "I hurt her trying to defend you."

"You said it yourself not long ago. Evangeline and I aren't together. We're not even friends." John said it casually, but it still hurt. She suffered again so that he could protect Natalie.

"I'm glad you're okay, John." Mike thought about hugging him, but he wanted to slap him more. Instead he decided to leave. "I just wanted to check in on you. Make sure you were really okay."

"I'm good." John was confused why Evangeline had been such a sore subject. He wouldn't push him to open up, because he wasn't willing to do the same. He watched Mike leave and was glad to be alone again. He thought about his future appointment with the internal affairs shrink. That would be enough to keep him distracted for the next several days.

"Merry after Christmas boss, and happy why are you working on New Year's Eve, boss." Ira had stopped in to drop off some files when he saw the light on in Evangeline's office. He had anticipated being very busy over the holiday season, so he'd taken a lot of things home with him to work on.

"Merry after Christmas to you too, Ira, and happy what are you doing here?" Evangeline smiled at her young protégé. She couldn't imagine that he would stay on with her firm long term. He was just as ambitious as she had been in her younger days.

"Dropping off these Vega case files. Not like I'll need them." He was ecstatic when Evangeline chose him to represent Cris. Clearly, she saw something in him, and he didn't want to disappoint. "Still can't believe my bad luck." He sat down on the corner of Evangeline's desk.

"Your client is free, and you didn't have to spend countless hours working on filing motions or trial prep. Sounds like pretty good luck to me." Evangeline stared up at him. "I'm very pleased with the work you put in."

"I did next to nothing. I was expecting this trial to be high profile." Ira had never doubted that he would get Cris's conviction overturned. He'd already had his opening and closing statements written plus several press releases.

"It's not always about the glory. As long as justice is done." Evangeline made a note to find another case that would excite him.

"I know he's being hailed as a hero, but I'm still a little salty over this Detective McBain. He lied and it costs the taxpayers tens of thousands of dollars. I know he saved my client's life, but he's really getting off scot-free." He knew John was his bosses ex, so he wouldn't say much more than that.

"I'm just glad that Cris Vega's original confession was not held against him. If his lawyer at the time had known his identity, Cris would likely still be in prison. Crazy, brainwashing scheme or not. I think that Cris would have insisted on being imprisoned for what he almost did to his brother." Evangeline found the silver lining.

"True." Ira started to touch the things on Evangeline's desk until he realized he was probably irritating her. "I know it's probably a sore subject, but why didn't you just represent Vega yourself. If McBain were my ex, I'd love to kick him around a little bit."

Evangeline gave a half-smile. She was still raw with emotion. She told John that it was so that Cris would have a better shot at a fair trial, but that was a lie. If she was the one representing Cris, she'd go for blood. That meant going after the LPD as a whole as well as the DA's office. She wouldn't be able to go easy on Bo or Nora even though they were not directly involved in the conspiracy. She would bring them all to their knees and then top it off with a civil suit.

Once she calmed down, she remembered that John was the father of her child. She didn't want to be the one that took away his livelihood. Being a cop was all he ever wanted, and if she took that from him she wouldn't be able to live with herself.

"I didn't want to make it personal. I did what was best for Cris. In the past, I've done things just to prove that I could keep my personal and professional lives separate, but it sort of blew up in my face. Now I look back and realize how naive that was. Life lesson learned, so I'm glad for the experience." She remembered representing Natalie and Antonio. Both cases had put an enormous strain on her relationship with John. She shouldn't have represented either one of them.

Ira nodded that he understood. He could see a sad look on Evangeline's face. He hated that he even mentioned her ex. "Sorry, didn't mean to get personal." He smiled at her and cursed his own bad luck. He had a crush on Evangeline, but of course he could never act on his feelings. She was his boss, and he could tell that she didn't see them as equals. "Alright, I'm going to get out of here. Time to put this year to rest and start focusing on the next."

Evangeline smiled as Ira excused himself. His words resonated within her. Tonight, would be the first night in her new house, and the start to her new beginning. There was no more time to waste. No more stalling. Tomorrow she would tell John the truth.

John stood in the hallway outside Evangeline's apartment and wondered how he ended up there. These last few days he'd been thinking about her constantly. He'd been so used to being alone on holidays, but Evangeline had changed that. Even though they weren't together and he'd moved on, he still missed her. Of all the things that happened this past year, he was most upset that he'd lost her friendship.

John didn't want to spend too much time thinking about it, so he didn't. He knocked on her door before he lost his nerve. Not sure of how she would greet him, he kept his head bowed down and looked at his feet.

Evangeline flung the door open without even asking who it was. When she saw John, she instantly remembered him nagging her about asking who it was first. She started to smile at the memory, but quickly frowned. He'd put her through the ringer this year, and she wasn't about to make it easy on him.

"John, what are you doing here?" Evangeline was quite under dressed considering her normal appearance. She was wearing some old sweatpants from college that had an elastic waist and a t-shirt with a coffee stain that was hidden by a zip up jacket.

"You're supposed to ask who it is first." John couldn't help but to remind her. She wasn't in any danger from the Killing Club Killers anymore, but he still remembered the scared look in her eyes. He couldn't stomach the thought of her being hurt.

She didn't smile, nod or acknowledge that remark at all. She just waited for him to state his peace. They stood in silence for a few moments before she started to repeat herself.

"I wanted to see you. Just to check in." John hated how lame that sounded, but he really didn't have a good reason for being there.

Evangeline stared at him for a moment. What were the chances that he would show up tonight, and at this very moment? All her items were moved earlier in the day, and she only dropped in to triple check that the movers hadn't left anything extra behind. She was donating most of her old furniture and some other things that had been left behind in boxes.

"Come on in." Evangeline left the door open for him as she walked toward the sofa. She had been prepared to come clean tomorrow, but tonight just seemed right. When Ira had interrupted her earlier, she was going over some paperwork that her lawyer had sent to her. That she had it with her now was even more of a sign.

John felt the cold emptiness of her apartment and was confused. He looked around nervously. "You leaving town?" He hadn't heard anything from the rumor mill, so this came to him as a complete surprise, almost. Evangeline was a big fish swimming in a tiny pond. It was only a matter of time before she moved on to bigger things.

Evangeline had forgotten about the boxes that quickly. "I'm moving."

John smiled knowing that she wasn't leaving; not yet. He felt nostalgic being here. They had a lot of great times here and at his place as well. Now she was leaving this home, and she'd make new memories somewhere else probably with someone else. He tried not to be bitter, but she had every right to move on.

"I been thinking about you a lot lately with this whole Cristian thing. Before, I said I wasn't going to make any apologies to you." John watched as she moved through the apartment. "I know that I was wrong, but I didn't seem to have any other choice. I wanted to help Cris. I wanted to protect Natalie. I wanted to be with you. The choice that I ended up making was what was best for them, and not about what was best for you. For that I truly am sorry."

Evangeline frowned and rolled her eyes. It was a good thing her back was to him. She could read him like a book. He was trying to pull her in as he always did before. Never really saying what he felt but saying just enough to make you feel like he was trying. In the end, they'd make love and table the issue, but that was then and she was hip to his tricks.

"Your apology is almost a year late. You had a choice then, and you chose to lie. That you're apologizing now because the truth has been revealed means little to nothing." Evangeline put her hands in her pockets and turn to look at him. He looked haggard. She could tell that he probably hadn't been sleeping properly, or that he'd been on a mostly liquid diet.

"I know, but I still owed it to you." John stuffed his hands down in his pants pockets and rocked back and forth on his heels. Very few people made him as nervous as she did. "If I had been honest, maybe we could have worked together to get Cris the help he needed. My moral compass maybe isn't as good as yours." John tried to joke to lighten the mood. This was the most he'd talked to her in months. He at least wanted the conversation to be a little jovial.

"Keeping a parent from their child, lying to suit your own interest, only apologizing when the truth can no longer be obscured." Evangeline pulled her hands out of her pockets and started to unzip her jacket. "Seems like we're just alike." Evangeline unzipped her jacket and opened it fully. She turned to the side to give John an unmistakable view of her abdomen. Her shirt was form fitting and hugged her bulging abdomen. She still hadn't gotten as big as she expected, but she did have to make an effort now to hide her growing bulge.